Welcome to the Collide Podcast. This is Willow Weston. I hope you are having a killer day. I am. And, you know, sometimes you just need to have a good day. You need to feel like you're, you know, you're rocking it. Anyhow, I just got done interviewing Nellie Harden, and she's a mother of four daughters, and she is a wife, a trauma survivor. She's passionate about family, she's a leadership coach, and she's written a couple parenting books.
So if you are a parent today, if you're a mama, this might be one you want to listen to. She shares about her story of find Jesus while she already had kiddos and how that sort of changed the trajectory of their entire family. And we talk about the power of conversation. We talk about some of her advice on what it looks like to invite kids into their own faith and all sorts of things she's learned along the way since following Jesus and raising for kiddos. So take a listen, Nellie.
I've said your name, like, ten times before now. Cause it's such a fun name. It's so fun to have you on the podcast today. Oh, thank you so much for having me. And ironically, I love your name, too. And I actually have four daughters, and Willow was always on our list of names to have for our daughters, but every time one came out, it just wasn't the one for them. I just didn't make the cut, man. Well, you obviously made the cut for a Willow. Just none of mine made the cut to be named Willow.
You know, it's funny, because this family I lived with in college, when I moved out, they were so excited to tell me that they named their new puppy after me. I was like, I'm not sure that's a compliment. Like, you're naming me after an animal. That's like pooping and peeing all over in your house when that's not supposed to, but. Cool. Anyways, what's the story? How did you get your name? So, you know, I'm older. So it was back before the days of ultrasounds. You know, I'm in my mid-40s.
And so anyway, my mom. You're saying that like you're, like, 95. Well. Well, I'm 46. Just so everyone knows I'm not a person. Ashamed of myself. Yes. No. So back in 1970, when I was born. But anyway, mom didn't know that she didn't have an ultrasound. So they just were convinced that I was a boy. And so then here I come, and I came in with a Storm, because labor for three days and everything. And I was actually technically stillborn.
The cord was wrapped around my face and neck, and they lost a pulse and all the things that had to be taken by emergency cesarean. So mom was put out, like, out out by the time I was born. And here I come out, and they resuscitated me, and I was a girl. And so my mom comes out of anesthesia. And my dad. My dad was like, doreen is my mom's name. He's like, hey, Doreen. So it's a girl, and can we name her Nelda after my sister? And my mom's like, she has his face like, what?
And Nelda, because he had a sister that had passed away when she was young named Nelda. And it's an Irish. And my mom said, only if we can call her Nellie will I name her Nelda. And so he's like, okay. So I've been Nelly my whole life, but yeah. Or been called Nelly my whole life, but yeah. So funny story how I came to be. Mom was loopy on anesthesia, and I came to be Nelly. So you got your name because your mom was on drug. Yes. Perfect. I probably did, too. No, I'm just kidding. I love that.
And I love that I'm talking to a miracle. You are a miracle, and you're here. And you yourself have had four daughters. And I'm just curious before we get into your passion on raising daughters, because I think that's a lot of what we're going to talk about today. Before you had kids, did you have a, like, life dream? Like, I want to have a boy and a girl. I want to, you know, like, I want to have this many children, or I don't want to have kids, or. What was your. What was your mindset on that?
What was the infamous plan? Yeah, well, so I met my husband when I was 18, actually, second semester, freshman year of college. And I remember one of our very first times that we were talking on the phone. That's something we did back then. Talk on the phone, you know, and so we were talking. You still are. No, there were no phones when you were born. You're young lady. Oh, my gosh. So funny. You could tell. I spend my life with teenagers that are like, you were born in the 1900s.
Oh, my goodness, you're so old. But anyway, so I was. We were talking, and we said how great it would be to have three, adopt two. And that just kind of became the underlying, you know, kind of unspoken plan for a while. But then you know, four years later we got married and then we started trying to have kids a few years after that.
And then we ended up going through infertility issues and it was just a bunch of pendulum swings, let's just say one after the other and many others in there as well. We almost lost my husband in there and just a lot of things happening. And so then I had our first daughter and then I got pregnant with twins and then I was like, well, I think feel like I'm supposed to have three actual pregnancies and go through a full pregnancy. I did lose one early on, and so we just didn't do anything.
And then I ended up having another daughter. So I was like, well, I guess this is what it is. And honestly, by the time we had the sonogram with the fourth, I was like, it better be a girl because I don't even know, you know, what we're going to do if this is a boy at this point. I have everything ready. Let's go. So I was wondering if it just got to a point of humorous like, well, of course it's a girl. Yeah. Definitely make girls presumptive humor. Yes. Girl family.
Yeah. Yeah. So you have four daughters. How old are you kids? I mean, has estrogen taken over your household? 1,000%. Yes. So I have four daughters, all between 15 and 20 right now. So the last several years have been estrogen drenched in our home for sure. My oldest daughter is off in college and she is living there, has a summer job and everything. And then my three that are here, two, the twins are 17 and my youngest is 15. So, yes, to answer your question, yeah.
I'm going to put your husband on my prayer list. He would appreciate that. He really would. I'm just kidding. Let's talk about this. You wrote a book called 40 Scriptures and Conversations to have When Raising Daughters. Tell us how you moved from I am a mom of four daughters to I have such a passion about raising daughters that I want to share that with other people. Well, I think that actually starts with a circle of truth that's even outside of that.
So my husband and I both grew up in secular homes, did not have any guidance with faith growing up. And it wasn't until after all of our children were born in about 2010 that we went to church for the first time. And so my kids were all born between 05 and 09. And then Christmas of 2010, someone invited us to church. And 2010 was a difficult year. My husband had heart surgery. We almost lost him in April and then in July, one of my twins drown in my in laws pool.
And we were able to bring her back, but it was just this miracle of miracles, you know, that she's here today, but that she survived that day. And so then, and unbeknownst to me, my husband was, you know, I'm home deep, you know, drenched in kids and my husband's at work and he is going on lunch outings or whatever with a friend of ours who is a believer and he was debating against the Bible with her and he was just going back and forth and.
And you know, Jesus was a cool dude that lived some time but you know, he wasn't real, whatever. And then finally he ran out of ammunition because he. It was short lived, you know, and he said, why don't you just let me read the Bible and then I'll be able to have more to talk to you about. And our friend Angela was like, okay, sounds good. So she gives him the Bible and then he's reading that again.
Unbeknownst to me, I have no idea what's going on, I'm just with K. And he read through Matthew, Mark, and got halfway through Luke and went over to her desk and said, never mind, you're completely right. And then that night he came home and said, you know, I think we need to start saying this thing called grace before we eat and seeing if we can find a church. And I was like, okay.
So that story of my name coming to be, my dad, who named me after his sister, my dad passed away just less than a year after he named me, after I was born. So he was in a car accident and he passed away. And so I've always just kind of had an interest in this unknown tether to something, but I didn't quite know what that was. And so when he said, I think we need to go to church, I was like, okay, let's try this thing out.
And we tried a couple and then we finally, on Christmas Eve service landed in one and the lights went down. Emmanuel started being sang. And I've been all in ever since, and so has my husband. And so, you know, I say all of that to let everyone know who's listening in today, that it wasn't the way I was raised, it wasn't the. I was not indoctrinated with things. It was truly a move of Christ himself that got me to the place that I needed to be in order to open the door for him.
And so for people listening, just to. Kind of narrow this down to context, how old Were your kids when you and your husband gave your lives to Christ? I would. So we started going to church in 2010. Gave my life to Christ. Would have been 2012. It was a very distinct night in February of 2012. So then my kids would have been 3, 5, and 7. 3, 5, 5 and 7. Got it. I mean, I think it's important to hear because you are.
You already have kids and you've already started raising your kids without a world view and perspective drawn from Jesus, and all of a sudden your life changes. Yes. And so tell us a little bit about how you experienced this life change and then you wanted to tell your children about this God that changed you. Yeah. So, I mean, talk about a collision, right? I love the concept of what you guys talk about on here. So, yeah.
I remember one time early on, we were coming into the church parking lot, so we went there for Christmas. Great. Awesome. And then we missed a few weeks because we're still, you know, oh, well, it's Christmas time. Why would we go to church? I mean, so funny looking back, right? But so then we didn't go for a few weeks, and then we came back and we were just toe, you know, dipping our toes a little bit. And then I love to serve. That has been a part of my life all my life is serving others.
And so I really got involved pretty quickly with that. But we were pulling in one day and there's this big circle drive. We were living in Indiana at the time, and my oldest daughter, who would have been the most impacted by the shift, Right. She looked at me and said, you know, it just feels like home whenever we're here. And I was like, she's right, it does. And so she was six then, you know, at the time. And that would have been 2011, and she was 6.
And for her to say that and feel that and know that, and we all got in to serve, so my husband and I set up weekend stuff. And so they would come in too. So all six of us would go in and serve together. And then we got started in the Alpha program. We all served together there. So even when the kids were little, just in school, instilling that being a servant heart was really, really important for our family.
But then what happened is I was not only at the point of looking forward to, okay, this is how I want to raise my kids. I personally, as a woman, had to look backward and say, wow, I lived 30 some odd years without Christ. I didn't know. And look what happened. The I went to because of that. And what do I do with that now that I do have Christ with me? And so for me, that freshman year of college, I met my husband.
Second semester, well, first semester was a wholly hot mess, we'll just put it that way. I had no identity when my parents dropped me off and drove the seven hours home. And so I just clung to anything I could find and chased my worth anywhere I could find it, which was in some not so great places. And that led to a lot of hurt and destruction for myself. And I carried that for all those years.
What happened in just eight to 10 weeks of my freshman year of college, before I completely shut down and was doing laundry on Thursday, Friday, Saturday nights while everyone else was out, that I carried with me for decades, at least a decade and a half by the time this had happened. And so. And we started going to church. So then it was a moment where Jesus was colliding with my story, and I had to make some decisions about who I was going to be and who I could be for my daughters.
And that required me to lay my story at the feet of Christ, which was the hardest thing I might have ever done up. Well, it was the hardest thing I had ever done up until that point. Because when you live with shame and guilt and resentment for that long, it just has a way of sewing itself into your DNA, and you don't know who you are without it. Even though it's not a good thing, it's a bad thing, but you don't know who you are without it, so you cling to it that much harder.
And one night on a discipleship walk, I was sitting there, it was late, everyone else had gone to bed or what have you. And I was staring at this flame, and I was really in this wrestling with what I thought was a wrestling with Christ, but truly, I was really wrestling with myself. And he was just like, I'm here. Let me take it. And I was like, no, no, no. I need to hold this. I need to hold onto this. I don't know who I am without it. I'm scared to live without it.
He's like, just give it to me. I'm right here. And so I finally relinquished it. And that was the moment that I gave my life over to Christ and was able to stop looking backward and start to be able to look forward much more than I was before. I love that so much. And I think, and I can so resonate with this in my own story, that my past wasn't left in the past. It traveled with me into every room I walked into every relationship I entered into.
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Click on the link in the show notes to grab your copy of our all the Best devotional today. I love that so much and I think, and I can so resonate with this in my own story, that my past wasn't left in the past. It traveled with me into every room I walked into, every relationship I entered into, every dream I self sabotaged. It literally followed me until I had these radical healing moments with Jesus where he sent the shame packing. He reminded me that he forgave me.
And like you said, you're wrestling with yourself. We have to forgive ourselves. And until he started healing places in me. And some of that stuff really comes out when you're a parent, like oh wow, my past is with me in this, in this moment with this kid. You know what I mean? And so I love that you allowed Jesus to meet you there, that you had this crash course collision with him.
The other thing I think is really interesting to me and I'd love to hear what you think about this, but you modeled for your children without even trying a humility, you modeled a surrender. You modeled a willingness to follow Jesus and be transformed by him in front of your children. Now you have kids who are young adults. I mean they're almost. If they're not young adults, they're going to be young adults in a couple years. But some of them are young adults.
What do you think them watching this transformation of their parents, being willing to be shaped and refined and surrendered before Jesus did for their own faith. I think it made them see, and this is something that I talk and teach on too, is it's so important to make your faith your own before you leave home. If you can and not just be on holding on to your parents faith because that's not going to be strong enough when you're in the trenches, right?
And so I think it helped them see how to make their faith their own, how to have their own own understanding of Christ and go to Christ with what they need. Because I had to go to Christ with what I need. And it was different than what my husband needed or anyone else needed. And one of the most healing for myself, but also teaching moments for my daughters was on my 45th birthday. I took all of my daughters upstairs and we have two wraparound porches up and downstairs.
So I took them to the top porch and I just sat them all down. Funny enough, one of them said, are you. I was like, oh, sister, no, no, no. With a boy? Yeah, surprise. I was like, no. But during that time I sat them down and they had inklings of my testimony and things, but I just sat them down and told them everything. And the shaping that happened once I opened the door to Christ, right? And how that happens, right? I stand at the door and knock and he who hears gets and opens the door, right?
We have to be able to hear him, right? We need to be able to decide to get up and walk to the door and we need to decide to open the door and all those things. I was able to show them how you do that on a personal level for you and your story and your experiences and your testimony. And so that was a really special moment that we were able to have together, just the five of us girls, my four daughters and I up on that porch. And so yeah, I think just being able to see life is hard sometimes.
And I am not perfect, absolutely not. And I don't expect them to be perfect either. But how you rise up when you fall and who you seek in order to help you rise up, those were lessons that I was able to share with them. And what made you move from. I've experienced, experienced Jesus in my life and him helping me parent and raise my daughters to I want to help coach and help other people.
That was actually a day I was, I was sitting in church and this was in 2012, but later on in the year and at this point, so, you know, I mentioned some things with my husband and his surgery and everything. He went into ICU for the first time in 08 and then we went through all of this transformative process and he had surgery in 2010. And we were still dealing with a couple of things after.
And so we were healing ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually for between 08 and 2012. And so I was sitting in church one day and I'm looking at the pastor. It was a very large church, and there's a cross on either side of me on the walls and everything. And I just plainly heard, you have helped yourself, now go help others.
And I walked out and I was, I told my husband, I was like, I think I'm supposed to go in and help teach people some of the transformations in family disciplines, positive family disciplines we've done. And he's like, what? I was like, not really sure yet. I'll get back to you. But I feel like this is somewhere that I need to go. And so it really started developing then. Now my entire background is in biology and psychology, and so. And I've worked in different areas with that.
And I love to know what's physically happening and how that manifests into behavior and decision making and things. So I have a lot of that background already.
But then applying it toward my personal family during some very, very critical and profound times, but then turning around and being able to do that for others, because I just see so many young women being released out into the world instead of being launched out into the world, and they don't have the foundation that is going to support them for life.
And so that was really what ignited me, sitting in church, being told that and then just observing and looking around and saying, okay, we need to get this message out there. Let's talk to some of the moms listening who are raising daughters. And it's extremely challenging. I mean, the things coming at our kids are so much different than the things that came at us when, you know, we were living in 1875.
And I'm curious, when you think about those people listening who are just exhausted and feel unequipped and feel like the game changes every week, what's your advice for, like, hey, here's a few of my, my go to advice for women who are finding this raising daughter thing really challenging. Okay, first of all, it is really challenging. So it's not just you that's listening to this. It is very challenging and you are validated in every way, every moment.
And something that has really helped me is understanding that we as women, you know, we are vessels that carry so much. Right. And we need to make sure that our vessels are well equipped for that. And many times, because of our childhood, our first 6,570 days thereabouts. Right. There can be some cracks in there because so much of our life is based off of how we were raised and the experiences we've had since then.
So I really look at it like this when, you know, there's a few references in the Bible about how God is the potter and we are the clay, right? Well, when we're raising our children, we are partnered with God in being the partner for that clay. And. And the clay itself already exists, right? It's already there. That is our worth. Our worth is already there. And this goes for you as a parent, as a mom, and it also goes toward what you can teach your daughter. So it's already there.
And there's five elements that are in that clay that are absolutely musts, and that is to be seen and heard and loved and belong and have purpose. Those are the five elements of worth that literally always have been, are, and will be. And that is what that clay is made out of, that will eventually, after we go through the refining process and the techniques, and then fire it and build resilience in it. But the clay itself is built out of those five elements. And here's the thing.
Jesus first loved us, sees us, hears us, we belong to him, and he gives us purpose. But in this world, we need to like, as a parent, we are introducing our child and making that connection to Christ. So we need to be. They need to see the Christ in us so that we can introduce them to that Christ, right? And so with that, there's also shadow sides, like there always is, right? Because if, if. And I've done so much research, and I would love to hear your take.
If there's anything that you've ever heard that lands outside of this, please let me know. But every issue for women up to 105, all the way down, and especially our adolescents today come from the shadow sides of these elements, meaning they're not being seen. They feel invisible, right? They feel unappreciated. The shadow side of being heard is to be silenced or to feel like you're being ignored or not to feel loved, right? Not to feel. You maybe even feel loathed.
If to someone that is feeling that way, I'd mocked whatever when they go to school or somewhere else. And then there is belonging. And our kids aren't feeling like they belong and there's purpose and they just think, you know, it's. There's no point, it's meaningless. But those shadow sides are where we are finding all of our problems. I am yet to find a problem that lies outside of there. So if we can then take and make sure that our kids are being seen, heard, loved, belong, and have purpose.
We are building up that clay and helping them see that and building their worth. And so that is just something that's so easy to remember, seen, heard, love, belong, purpose. And when you see things, maybe your kid comes home and they're making some snide remarks to you or what have you. There's a reason for that. They didn't come home and be like, I want to make my mom's world really difficult today. Right. That's not the reason they came home.
And they are upset about, you know, something Patrick said to them in second hour today when they were ignored and they don't feel very worthy right now. And they come home to the safe place that they have, and they know that they can safely take that out on you, and you need to talk to them, hey, it's not okay, but what's going on? What's going on? I know you didn't mean that. I'm sorry if, you know, you're not having a great day, but how can I help you? How can I serve you right?
And that also goes vice versa, which is something that I think so many parents miss today is the wisdom that our kids have and us speaking into appropriately, of course. You know, I'm not having a great day either today. Someone at, you know, in the school line or whatever, you know, said this to me, and it really stunk.
So I don't know, I'm just feeling kind of down and I don't really feel like, you know, people appreciate all the things that I do for them at the school and just having those conversations because they can learn so much from your struggles, too. I'm curious. You talk about these. I think you said five things. How effective is it to remind your kids of these sort of truths? God loves you, you already belong to God. All of these things if you yourself struggle to believe them.
Like, how important is the work to make sure that you have a strong foundation, that you have your confidence in the Lord, that you believe these truths? Because I find a lot of people. I mean, I've done it myself and I've seen it in other people. It's like you can't sit there and tell your daughter that she's fearfully and wonderfully made, but then sit there and rip on your body every single day in front of her. So how important have you found is the work of.
When you want to raise a confident daughter, you need to work on your own confidence with the Lord as well. Or. Or have you found it is possible to be like, I'm deeply insecure. But I'm going to try to help you be confident. Okay? So I've walked this line. I had to heal myself as I was teaching these things to my daughter. Daughters. And so it is absolutely possible. What it requires is vulnerability and honesty. And so it is very possible to know a truth without submitting to it.
Okay. And so, I mean, we see this with the fallen angels. I mean, they, you know, they were with God, and they still felt. They knew he was God. They knew everything, and they still felt right. They weren't submitting to him. And you see it many times throughout Scripture. But I'm reading through Exodus right now, and there's, you know, Pharaoh that was like, you know, Moses is like, let my people go. And Pharaoh's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, just kidding. I'm not gonna do that.
But by the way, can you pray for me? And I was like, what? Pharaoh's sitting there asking for prayer, you know, so it is very possible to know truth but not submit to it. But you need to be vulnerable to that, especially when raising your daughter. So what that looks like is you are beautifully and wonderfully made. And I know that that is absolute truth for you and for me. I'm struggling with that, but I don't want you to struggle with that. Like, I struggle with that. So we know this is truth.
Can you help me? If you hear me saying something, call me out on that, because I don't want that to be what you're hearing, and I don't want that to be what I'm hearing from myself either. Go through it together. That is so powerful to do as a family. Because a family is a team, right? Parents are team leaders. Absolutely. But a family is a team. And when you can say, you, my daughter, are worthy enough to step up and help me through this, that is such a powerful move.
And you are telling them that they are worthy, that they matter. Right? Their words, their opinions, their. Their guidance matters. And so you can really build them up through your insecurities and through your struggles that you have, too, by doing it together. You mentioned a while back the importance of inviting a kid into their own faith. I so agree with that.
And I think maybe, and it sounds weird to say, but one of the gifts of not knowing Christ growing up is that my faith very much became my own. So when I became a parent, I so wanted my kids to know Jesus, but I. I was very aware that that had to be their own decision. And so there were some probably different values or ways I went about talking about my faith with them than maybe I would have had. I had a different experience. I'm curious for you.
What do you think you did that you would do again that helped invite your kids into their own faith? Hmm. Well, so. And I'm not saying that you need to have this, but we homeschooled for seven years, and so something that we were able to do just because we had that freedom. And now I don't homeschool. All my kids are in school. And we still have found a way to shape that freedom.
But during those years when we were just having those conversations, going through and having family Bible studies and open discussions of. So what do you think about that? It wasn't just firehose teaching. It wasn't, let me tell you what's going on here. And you learn this and then repeat it back to me in a memorization style. It was an open, hearty discussion. And when they had questions, especially the hard questions, we would just look into it together. Right. And it's okay.
It's definitely okay. And you want to be able to say, I don't know. I don't know the answer to that. That's a really good question. And I often have things that I call throne room questions. I'm like, I just really don't know.
That's a throne room question I'm gonna have to ask later on, you know, and making sure that your kids know that you don't have all the answers, but you are willing to look it up and you are willing to have faith that even when you don't have the answer, God does, and that's okay. And so that would be something that I would just really recommend is having open dialogue about these things, having. There's so many wonderful books out there. The Bible, of course, being number one.
But even more, there's one called the Story. It's the Bible in a novel form that you can go through or you can deep dive into some of the women of the Bible and just have those discussions. Why do you think she did that? What do you think God was doing here to prepare the way for her? What do you think? What was her decision process here? Just asking the questions and seeing what they come up with and having that back and forth, it helps them own it for themselves and know it for themselves.
When you think back on parenting for girls, do you have any regrets that you. If you could go back, you're like, oh, I learned my lesson on this one. And this is what I like to, like, share with other moms. So Many. So many, so many. And you know what? I am not a person. And that's like, oh, no regrets, you know? No, I have regrets. And I think it's important to have regrets because that means that I am a different person today than I was then, even yesterday.
And I learned from what I did and the mistakes I made in order to become a better version of myself. And I think that's important for our kids to see, too. So I would say some, especially me not growing up in a Christian environment and growing up in a very, very secular environment. I would say one of the biggest things I regret was the entertainment that we let our kids watch and be a part of even early on, and some of the content that was in those things.
And it's not something I would have thought twice about growing up seeing. Right. I remember going and seeing Freddy Krueger when I was 6 years old at the movie theater. Right. And so. But. And, oh, so many, so many thoughts. Traffic jam.
So. So. But there was some shows, even their, you know, funny shows or what have you, that some of the content, I was like, oh, I really wish we wouldn't have, you know, done that, especially during this very impressionable age and not had the discussions about it. Just chalking it up. As an adult, you can chalk it up to, oh, that's a funny show. But that's not necessarily what they are seeing.
They're seeing some of the storylines, and when you laugh at something on the tv because as an adult, you're just laughing at the surface joke, they think your laughter is acceptance of the storyline that is happening. And so that is a distinction. I really wish I would have known, you know, earlier on, but I didn't know what I didn't know, and now I know better. So all I can do now is talk to them about those regrets, Right? And not sweep them under the rug, but talk to them.
You know, I do regret, you know, having us watch this because I think that you guys saw some storylines that you thought I was condoning or I was okay with that. I really wasn't. It was just a funny part as someone made a, you know, a funny quip in the show. So that would be one of the biggest things that come to mind right. Away when you think about some of the best advice you yourself have been given when it comes to raising daughters. What comes to mind? Oh, gosh, I don't know.
This sounds terrible, but I don't know if I've gotten a lot of great advice about raising daughters, because when I say I have four daughters. The 90% reaction is, oh, my goodness, I'm so sorry. That is what I get all the time, is, oh, I'm so sorry. But, you know, there is occasionally someone that will come by, and it's such a breath of fresh air when they're like, wow, what a beautiful gift that you have to see the beginning of four young women's lives. Right.
And that just helps me stop and cherish. And it's so true. It is so true. You know, no one knows a daughter quite like a parent, and honestly, especially as a mom, to see her from her very beginning to where she is and where she's going. And it is a true gift to be able to experience that whole process, even in the valleys. And there is always going to be valleys, but you get to see the hills, too. So, yeah, it's a beautiful process. And I love that reminder when I get that.
Yeah, you wrote this book, 40 Scriptures and Conversations. It seems like you're elevating the power of conversation with daughters as we kind of come to a close on this podcast. I'm just curious if you have any. Here's my best advice for having conversations with your daughters and why they're important. Yeah, well, here's the thing. If you don't, someone else will. And today, that someone could be a tangible person next to them, or it could be someone that you or they will never even meet.
And so it's really important that you have these conversations with them. From the surface things to the really deep things, to the controversial things, to the hard things and all the things in between. If you're not having these conversations, someone else is. I promise you, they're not not being had. So if you want to be, I have a sign in the other room that says if you want to be a part of your children's memories, you need to be in their lives today.
And I would say that goes with the wisdom that they're building, too. Right. If you want, you know, the wisdom of your child to include good guidance, then you need to be in there giving the good guidance. And it's not easy, and it's hard and it's uncomfortable sometimes, but if you don't, who will? That always just comes back to me. If you don't, who will? So, yeah, get in there. Be calm. Remember that their. I told you, my background's in biology, too.
Their brain is not fully formed yet, and it will not be until their mid-20s. And so. So real quickly, if you think about how you feel on your stressed day and your brain is a little sporadic and what you're doing is your frontal lobe is shut off and you're relying on your amygdala, your emotional center at the back, which is more primitive. That is how they live every moment right now because their frontal lobe is under construction. They are relying on that.
So how you feel when you're stressed is how they live every day. And when you understand that, you can have more empathy towards why are they making that crazy choice? Why did they think that way? What are they doing? They are not an adult yet and they have a ways to go, but you can be a part of the shaping to get them there. Such a good reminder, Nellie. I know there's lots of mamas who are going to want to spend time with you. How can they do that? Absolutely.
Well, my website is where you will find everything. I like to make it a one stop shop. You can find our online communities on Instagram and Facebook on there as well as the books and resources. Everything is available to you there and I would love to interact with all of you through Instagram or through my weekly articles that come out. So I love it so much. Thank you for being on. Oh thank you so much for having me. Hey friend.
I hope it's encouraging to hear not only how the Lord can get ahold of a life and change it, but also just to be encouraged that momming is hard, but God is right there with you as you do it. And I know I've experienced in my own hard mom days and hard mom seasons just how the Lord has come in and healed me and shaved me and refined me and pointed me towards my own need to believe in truth as I was trying to pass those on to my kiddos and and he's just in it.
He's in the mix and I hope you can be encouraged by that. If you need more mom resources, we have those on our website. Make sure you go hop on there. wecollide.net, I thin we have some free mom devos, we have a ton of other momming podcasts and freebies, et cetera. So check it out and I will catch you next week. Keep colliding, friend.