Welcome to the Collide Podcast. I'm Willow Weston, the founder and director of Collide, and I'm so excited to hand you this interview I just had with Dr. Kristi Dominguez, who is a school superintendent. She has an amazing story of being a teacher, a kid with learning struggles and an incredible story of hardship that happened as a child and the way that a teacher simply invested in her life and it changed the trajectory of her life. And also God used it to call her into the work she now does.
I have a feeling that you're going to be so inspired as you hear her story. So check it out. Kristi, I'm so excited to sit down with you today and talk about your story story and what God's up to in your life. Well, thank you for having me. I was very excited and honored to be asked. Yeah, well, for sure. I mean, we were already talking offline before I press record and just praying for you. I got a little emotional thinking about the work that you do and how important it is.
I'm hoping we can even rewind all the way back, back before you were a superintendent of schools, before you were a teacher, before you had this kind of influence, back to when you were a little girl. Maybe you could share some of your own experience with learning struggles and how that shaped who you've now become. Yeah, I'd love to share it because it's really. It's because of who and my story that I'm in this field to begin with.
I was born and raised on a farming community in Eastern Washington, and generational farmers. You know, my grandparents had graduated from this town. My parents graduated. They were high school sweethearts. And it was the early 70s, so at a time when, you know, mothers stayed home and took care of their kids and the father went to work, and that was pretty traditional. And my family dynamic started to change. I was little. I'm the youngest of three, and I have two older brothers.
And so I didn't really understand what was happening. But I can say I don't have any memories of my parents together. So even when they were married, there was never time when we did family trips or. Or activities together. So I suspect probably some conflict or, you know, space where they weren't coming together happened early. But, you know, we got up and we went to church every morning or every Sunday and went to the church my grandparents went to, and there was just a family routine.
And then I remember the day my mom just quit coming home, and she and her women, I think there were about five of them. They all Left their husbands and children about within a year's time. And they had not been allowed to go to college. They were kind of. I would say there was a level of oppression, and they. It was. Our country was changing. Women were learning that they had choices, and so they all made the choice to leave and go off to college and pursue a professional life.
And all of a sudden, my father, who had not been engaged in child rearing, all of a sudden was in the throes of raising three kids. And he also lost his farm in the divorce. We were allowed to keep the house, but I went from really a family that had means to a time when there was food scarcity. And, you know, I just imagine the worry he held. And it was an embarrassment in that community, you know, early 70s. And all of a sudden, a mom doesn't want her kids. That's how it was perceived.
And that really wasn't it at all. She was just in crisis and she couldn't. She couldn't give what we needed. So I feel very blessed by that. And then really kind of asked not to be a part of the church community anymore because we were just. It was embarrassment. And one of my grandmothers, I remember, told me that she didn't use these exact words. But, you know, I was young and I knew what she was saying to me, that you will amount to nothing because you don't have a mother.
And so to hear that from, you know, someone that you admire and respect was really like, wow, gosh, you know. So I grew up thinking, you know, that there was something kind of wrong with us. And at the same time, I remember going to school and it was just really hard. I remember going to a. I think it was like a summer Bible camp. And we sat in a circle and you would read, take your turn reading out of the Bible. I was with kids my age and I couldn't read it.
And so I got moved down to a class with kids who are much younger than me. And I just remember thinking, you know, what's wrong with me? But my family's in crisis. You know, everyone was just trying to kind of hold it together. So I just smiled and I did what I was told. And I tried to be a good student so no one would notice. And, you know, now I look back, and I had this teacher, her name was Ms. Jacobson. She was incredible. Second grade teacher.
She was young, I think now I need to ask, but probably her second year teaching. And she saw me. She just. I remember trying to copy the word breakfast off the board. And I couldn't. I just couldn't do it. I could not see all the letters. And she just stuck with me. And she had a clawfoot bathtub in her classroom. And I spent so much time sitting in that tub, avoiding work, just trying to hide because I just couldn't do it. And I didn't know what was wrong. And she left at the end of that year.
She had this little dog, Murphy, that she had asked me to watch for her. And so, you know, that was kind of a saving grace. I had this little fluffy thing that I was babysitting over the weekend. My family's not doing well. And she came back and asked me if I wanted to keep that dog because she was moving. She had gotten a job in Vancouver, Washington, so she was going to be moving. And though I was sad to say goodbye to her, she left part.
And now I look back and I think she knew what was going on in my life, and it was her way of really trying to take care of me when she knew that life was getting bumpy. So third grade happened, and I missed a lot of school. Now, if I was the teacher of myself, I would realize I was suffering from severe depression. I just. I could. I had stomach aches, I had headaches. I'm surprised they even let me go on to fourth grade because I missed so much school and.
And life just went on like that for a while. And still nobody knew I wasn't learning to read. And it really wasn't until maybe fifth grade that I was able to put some words together to make sense. And I remember reading a book by myself for the first time. And I still, to this day. I mean, I have a doctorate degree from the University of Washington, and reading still really hard. Thank goodness for technology. But just school was never a place where I felt smart.
I would always tell myself, you're not good at school. I just had this real negative narrative going on in my head. But I thought if I look the part, if I'm nice. I always had you talk too much in class, which I think was my avoidance mechanism. And when it came time to think about what I was going to do afterwards, I just remembered Ms. Jacobson and all that she had done for me. And I was determined to. To give back the way she gave to me. Because I think in many ways she really saved me.
She taught me early on in that second grade that don't let other people define you. You get to define yourself. And you have special gifts, so use them. And so I got denied to every college I applied to because I couldn't pass the state tests. So I ended up at Yakima Valley Community College, which, again, was such a godsend, and then went to Western and chose Western because it was the Western Washington University in Bellingham, Washington.
It was the furthest away from my hometown, but still in state tuition. And I just was determined to become a teacher in order to give back to what Ms. Jacobson did. And, you know, I remember as a young girl, we were not going to church just because we were not. It was clear we weren't welcome there at that time. I remember praying and just thinking, you know, Lord, if you can hear me, if I could have this one little thing, I know you're there. And you know what? He showed up every time.
And I look back now, I have a wonderful relationship with my mom. That was because he protected my heart. He helped me see what she was able to do. He gave me a father who did not have the skills. He gave my dad the skills to be able to raise me. I mean, he just continued to plant people in my life as I went along. And I met my husband in college. And I remember I was getting married. And, you know, my heart was so invested in this teacher. Like, I just.
I wrote paper after paper about what she did in my life. And I met this girl just randomly in a coffee shop on campus. And I was telling her my story. She goes, yeah, that sounds like this woman, but her name's Ms. Campbell. And I was getting married, and I thought, you know, I wonder if I. If that's her. So I sent this woman, Ms. Campbell, it's going to get me all choked up. Invitation to my wedding.
And after I got married, I'm walking down the aisle, and Ms. Jacobson was standing there, and we still are in contact, but she just. I found out later she was a believer. She prayed for me all those years. I did have one grandmother who just really loved on me and prayed on me. And then my brother found the Lord much later in life. And I remember he told me that you may be the only Bible anyone ever reads. And I just think God sent me so many Bibles along the way.
He showed me his story and his grace through the people that he planted in my life. And so I've been just working to give back to all of that, all those gifts that I got as a young child. And my first teaching assignment was 26 kindergarteners. Oh, boy. And three of my students lost their mother that year to cancer. One was an overdose. And I thought this was the story you prepared me for.
You prepared me to love these three kids because I know what it's like to have to go through that kind of loss and that grief. And so I've just been spending my career showing up for people and seeing how my own personal story as a child has played out for so many children that I've been blessed to know. Kristi, I have so many questions I want to ask you to unpack this beautiful story that God's writing in your life there.
There's so many things I love that you became determined to give back what Mrs. Jacobson gave to you. When you rewind back and you talk about your mom, and I want to start with that first, you talk about her with such a grace and a compassion, which I think is really beautiful. But obviously at the time when you're a little girl, you don't have the foresight or the deep spiritual understanding or like the work of grace in that life to necessarily understand why mom would leave you.
What was it like? How did you internalize that as a little kid? How did you have to battle sort of the lies that you could have easily believed about your mom being willing to walk away from you? You know, I think that's where. That's where I just am determined to. Well, I know I was covered in prayer because I never thought about was just my story and I didn't have any other friends. You know, the seventies, that is a. That was not a time when you would hear that story.
We hear it more common now, but especially in this tiny little town. And, you know, there were things that I was disappointed by and along the way, but we always had a relationship. I. She went through quite a self discovery and I witnessed that. And there were times that maybe I didn't feel super connected or safe in those situations, but I never thought it was about me and I was never upset with her. What I realize now is we have a different type of relationship.
When I think about a mom, like the traditional in the heart mom, that was my grandmother, Grandma Doris, she was that person. But when I think of like a dear friend or someone you can call, that's my mom. She's always been real close and, and you know, she lived at one point in high school, she lived with the other five women and there was a time they lived in Seattle area and all his kids, you know, none of the women took their children. So it wasn't just my story.
It was the story of other families in this small, small community. And we showed up to their house over spring Break. And it was just so contradictory to what my regular life was like. And I remember when Mount St. Helens erupted, I was at my mom's for the weekend. And when I didn't feel safe, I didn't want to be there. I called my dad and I said, you need to come get me. Even though it was dangerous for him to drive on the roads. We didn't know he came and got me. So there's a difference.
I had different. Two different types of parents. They played different roles in my life. I call my mom, I used to call her my Disneyland mom. That's who I went to. And we'd have fun and we laugh and we'd stay up late and we'd go to, you know, we saw Neil diamond in concert several times. I mean, there was just a different type of relationship. But when I needed, when I needed something, I went to my dad. And so I felt like I was being blessed in two very different ways.
But I never feel like I lost something. And I think the part that was most impactful, there was a long period of time that I thought Mildred was the grandmother who was less helpful. I thought, I will never be a mom, though, because I didn't know what it looked like. So I would imagine. And I didn't know what marriage looked like. So I would imagine the perfect marriage and I would imagine what a perfect mother, you know, would be like a stay at home mom. And so I began to dream it and.
But I. I wasn't sure it was going to be for me because I just. I didn't have that type of role model in my life. So that was probably the only thing I ever felt like maybe I was losing out on. But then God gave me the most incredible husband who also has his own story. And we got to design a family that we both imagined that we would have wanted for ourselves. And we were able to create that for our three kids. I love the way that God redeems our lives.
I resonate with that so much in my own story. And I'm just thinking about this experience. It must give you so much compassion because you didn't just have one set of things, one thing happened to you. It was a set of things. Your mom left, your dad lost his farm. That changed your economic status. You had judgment in the church community. You had a grandma who was less than helpful in the words being said to you.
So when you find yourself, you know, second or third grade or whatever you said, where you're kind of wondering what's wrong with me, I Mean, certainly that has fueled you with so much compassion when you see learners and students in the school who are very much struggling. I mean, how often is there a thread to. There's so much more to this than just a kid who doesn't get math or a kid who doesn't get reading. Like, these kids have stories that are so complicated and layered.
I mean, how much of those two things are connected? I think they're really connected. I think, you know, I think education wise, we've determined success by reading scores or math scores. And there's so much more to the human spirit than that. Right. Like, those are not the things. No one walks around with their GPA on their shirt. No one. No one. Right. That's what I mean. But I mean, I think the things that we, we believe matter for young children.
You know, there's a whole being of who they are. And, you know, I laugh sometimes. People talk about giftedness and I'm like, every, every person is gifted. It's just, we're gifted differently and sometimes it's not in the ways that are measured by somebody else. And, you know, I found out later I have dyslexia, a gift that I gave to all three of my children. I see things differently than other people. I can build systems.
I can see people work together, or I can see how if you move this piece, it's going to mesh with this piece. A lot of people can't do that. So I, I think, you know, what I am most blessed by. Were just. There were lots of people who were helping me along the way find my voice. And they invested in me. They took time to listen to me. They. I feel like they saw me. That was something beautiful about our community. And it's fascinating because there's. My graduating class was in the 90s.
It was small. There are nine sitting superintendents in Washington state who graduated from this community. Which says to you that, you know, it was an investment of people. And I think that's the type of hometown I had. When people invest in people now, there's always judgment like that that comes in. But I realize, you know, like, people say, oh, how'd you go back to the church? Well, the church is just made of people. And every day we. We do things great and every day we make mistakes.
And I don't see mistakes as a bad thing or something we can't lean into. I think it's just part of humanizing the experience. And I have this great saying that I heard with a friend. It's not about you, but it's up to you. And I just think that's it. Right? Like, it's not. We're all just. Everyone gets up every day thinking, I'm going to do the best I can with what I have today. And in some ways we're going to be highly successful, and in other ways we're going to fail miserably.
And all of it's part of our journey. And I love that you didn't project onto God the negative experience you had in church. I feel like a lot of people do that. It makes sense why they do it. It's so hurtful to have God's people, people who represent Jesus, be so judgmental and so shaming and so hurtful. But I love that somehow you had the wherewithal to not say, this is Jesus, but instead humanize and say, this is a. This is a human who's off, a human who's broken, a human who's messed up.
It's such a healthy way to sort of navigate doing life in community with. With people who can be hurtful. Yeah, we. And we've all been there, right? Like, we've all heard other people and not because we were trying to. It just happens. And I. I've often told people, you know, I think we often put expectations on other people, and then we're mad that they don't reach it. And I was like, well, it's not fair. We. They didn't choose that expectation. They didn't set that goal.
You know, like, when you expect so much of other people, whether it's our parent or a sibling or a teacher or whatever, you're the one who's going to walk away disappointed instead of showing up saying, how can we work together and what is it you can provide? You know, my mom gave me the very best of who she was. And, you know, these five women, I call them my moms, they all helped raise me. My family just looked different. And my father learned so much about being a parent.
And he says the divorce was one of the greatest things that happened to him, because had it not, he wouldn't have experienced raising us kids. And so it's the joys, I think, that we forget to look for in the season of, you know, of hardship. That's such a perspective shift to just say, my family, family look different than your family. I love that so much. We believe that God has something special in store for your life.
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This robust course is available for only $149. You can learn more or register by going to wecollide.net. You talk about Mrs. Jacobson and you said something pretty powerful that I want to return to. You said, she saw me, she saw me. And I think so often we can go through things in life where we wonder if anyone sees what's going on. And as a kid, I know in my own story there are things that I went through in my house that no one knew about and no one was gonna know about. And you feel so alone.
And the power of someone feeling like someone sees you, it's literally life changing. You talk about your it changed your trajectory and God used this person very simply because she saw you. I'm curious now, as you are a leader of leaders, you're a leader of leaders of leaders of leaders, and you're training and teaching and inspiring people to see people. What does it take to see the people in front of us?
Because all of us, no matter what field we're in, whether we're teachers or ministers or mothers or doctors or janitors, whatever God's called us to do. There's people always right in front of us, but so often we don't see them. So what does it take for us to begin to see see the people in front of us and make them feel seen? Yeah, it's time and a true listening. It's amazing how, you know, I'm in a job now where some people love what I do and some people get really upset with what I do.
And I I work to find what it is we have in common. So I'm in the field of education. We all care about kids. Like, I don't care if you are selling, you know, groceries or you're making my coffee in the morning down at the local coffee stand or you're teaching in the school or the mayor of the city. Like we all, if you ask people, people care about kids, they want what's best for kids. That, that's in my field, that's what connects us. So I remember that. That's what connects us.
So no matter what they're saying, it comes from a place of concern, wanting what's best. And everyone has a story for us to assume that, you know, I think people look at me and they assume, oh, this is probably what her story was like. Or they make all sorts of judgments about maybe my background. But when I really remember, everyone comes here with something, you know, no one. I've yet to meet another person who has this perfect life where nothing ever bothered them or hurt whatever.
So, you know, it's just the humanizing, the experience and then investing the time. I think so often, especially now, we schedule, schedule, schedule, and then we do a meeting and we check a box. And it's that idea of that's a very technical fix to check the box. But the adaptive piece is the humanizing. And you know, when you look at the example of Jesus and I am sometimes surprised by things I hear that come sometimes out of the Christian community of judgment.
And I think, who did Jesus choose? Right? Like he chose me. He went to the, you know, the taxpayers and the prostitutes and he was investing his time and his energy and people who were not feeling seen. And so when I think about who, you know, you may be the only Bible that someone reads, then you got to live that story out. And every day I dropped my kids off, I would tell them in the morning, remember what your job is today. It's to make Jesus look good.
Because someone else may not hear the story. But if you are acting with compassion and kindness and truly connecting with other individuals, then people are drawn to that. It's just, you know, it's what makes us uniquely special from any other species. So I just, it's, it's what was given to me. And so I've worked hard to give that back. I love that so much. And I think it's something we can do for people every single day to make people feel seen.
And you know, you talk about Jesus like I'm just thinking as you're talking like, you know, Jesus on his way to heal a 12 year old who's dying and you know, the woman hemorrhaging reaches out to him and he stops for her and he makes her feel seen and he says, who touched me? He knew who touched him. But he wanted her to know that he saw her. And the power of that moment can be so life changing. And we can all do it.
One of your values has been if you teach to the heart of a child, their mind will follow. Tell us why you believe this is so important. Because that's it, right? That's this being seen when you know, I. I could not read. School was really hard. But Ms. Jacobson Every day showed up and looked into my heart and I knew without a doubt she loved me. So I would do anything for her. It didn't matter how, what she was asking me to do. I wanted to. To be my best for her because I knew she loved me.
And so I have led by that always because that was the experience I had. And you know, it doesn't. I think of a little boy I had in class years ago. He had probably one of the most horrific stories of abuse in all my years of teaching. And to the point where he was. He couldn't come to school full time without a one on one because he was so. People were so afraid of what he could do. He was this tiny little guy and I never saw anyone could throw a chair so hard as him.
He was so super supernaturally strong anyway, and I finally just said, he can't go home at the middle of the day. I can't. He needs to be here in this community. He needs to know he belongs here. And I was told, nope, he can't be there because we can't give you an adult to be with him. And I said, it's fine because I'm just gonna love him and he's gonna come around.
And my first class of students I had in kindergarten and then I kept them and I had them in first grade and then I had them in second grade. It's a very unique. It was a unique start to my career. So I had him for three years. By year two, he was with me full time. There were no throwing chairs, there were no adults with him. And it took him till year three to start to engage in the schoolwork. But he came to school knowing he was loved.
And how powerful is that to enter into a space knowing it was better because you were present? I love that story so much. And I can see why God has called you into this field. I'm curious. You're a superintendent of an entire school district. Do you ever feel a heavy weight because there's so much responsibility that comes with that? No, it's. I never wanted to be a superintendent. I never wanted to be. I'll tell you a true story.
I was a kindergarten teacher, and I got called to apply to a administrative job. I did not want it. I told them I didn't want it. They just kept asking me. So on the third time they asked, I was like, okay, I think it's God asking me to apply. So I applied. And then in the interview, I told them, I don't actually want this job. And I did some research on the other candidate, and I think you're supposed to hire her. They hired me. So I was like, okay, Lord, I hear you.
And then I had a friend say he was going to apply for this doctoral director of this doctoral program. I was like, okay, if you get it, I'll apply to the college just because I want to support you. And so, gosh, he went and got it. And so I applied to this doctoral program. Never going to be a superintendent. You could have asked me four years ago. And I have told you, oh, yeah, I'll never do that job. And I got called to it. And so I just keep going wherever I'm called.
So I am still just the little girl in second grade. I am still just the kindergarten teacher. I am a mom. All the hats I've ever worn are. Is the hat I'm wearing in this job. And I'm not alone. And I'm doing the same thing. You know, I'm trying to reach the heart of this community so we can unify and move forward together. I have experienced extraordinary staff. I have extraordinary families and students.
And like I said, everyone shows up every day wanting to be the best they can for our children. That's what unifies us now. Our views on how to do it don't always mesh. So we come together and we talk about it and we wrestle with it. And sometimes we agree and sometimes we don't. But we're all brought together by the same goal and outcome. So I don't feel a sense of responsibility, but I feel a commitment.
I feel a strong sense of commitment to our students that we as adults can be the best we can for them. And I think too, we forget sometimes we talk about we love our kids, but we can't love our kids if we don't love their parents, too, because children are an extension of their home. And so it's about how do we support the whole family, not just the child. It's so cool how you share this story of. And you just said. You said, I'm still the second great girl. I'm still the kindergarten teacher.
You know, you've been all these things at different points in your time, but God has clearly unfolded this huge calling on your life where you're now influencing the second grade student, the kindergarten teacher. Are you ever blown away at what God can do in our stories? Anything about what? Every day. Every day, people have asked me my whole life, when they've heard my story. They would say, why aren't you angry? Why aren't you mad? Why aren't you not? And I'm just like. Because God just.
My heart has been sheltered from all of that. There's no one else could do that, right? Like, why me? Why did I not become bitter? Why did I not get mad? Some of the other kids who went through this, they did not have the same story. You know, life didn't turn out. And so I just think I feel really blessed and I feel very honored. And I know that I have work to do because of the way my life has unfolded. So I'm not gonna. You know, every high and low was a gift to be used for his work.
And I'm very that of without a question. I know that. Well, Kristi, I loved hanging out with you today and hearing your story and the way that God has shown up in it and used you. I love that you are living out Mrs. Jacobson's work in your life, and you're helping teachers and administrators and parents and kids feel seen and loved and heard. And I know that that is making the world a better place. So I'm so grateful for what you're doing. Well, thank you very much.
I feel very blessed and humbled by the incredible privilege and honors I've been provided. It's a real good. Thank you so much for sharing with us today. Thank you. Isn't it so great to hear other people. People's stories? I just love hearing stories of the way that God shows up in pain and brokenness and hardship and does something beautiful. And we just heard that in Kristi's story.
I love that he showed up in the midst of her childhood trauma and hardship and her mom leaving and the way that not only he covered her and protected her, but he put people in her path that changed her life. My very favorite. I don't know what you loved, but that piece of Mrs. Jacobson seeing her as a young girl to be seen to feel like someone sees you, hears you, knows you, and cares about you is so very powerful. I hope today that you feel seen and that you also take time to see others.
Boy, does that change lives. I hope that this week that as you collide with Jesus, you would see him showing up for you, helping you feel known and loved, chosen and valued, and that you could do the same and show up for other people. If you love this story and you want to share it with someone who you think needs to hear it, go ahead and share it. And make sure sure you hop on our [email protected] and check out all that we have to offer. Friend, we have so much more for you.
Keep colliding and we'll catch you next.