Episode 38 - Acknowledge and Understand Generational Trauma, Narcissism and Co-Dependency with Bird Meija

this podcast from. Also if you do desire to go deeper into my work and get more intimate access with me and the teachings coming through me your transformation and evolution, please go to my website, www dot Colleen gallagher.co. So we took a little bit of a break everyone from the conversations that I was having on the podcast and I was really channelling and offering a lot of perspective on COVID-19 on abortion on my new

book. And I'm super excited because we are going to co create a conversation with Byrd Nicaea. And I connected with this woman on line through social media, which you guys know I'm all about it's my jam, technology. And the reason that I love this woman or spoke to me so deeply is that I went to her profile and I started to see that she also had gone through a

narcissistic relationship. And what I know to be true for me is that the narcissistic relationship I was in happen because of generational trauma and because of codependency and people pleasing DNA traits that were activated me are present in me from my mom's side of the lineage. And so I really love that bird was speaking on these topics as well. I also really love that she's massively into energy, a huge person that understands how energy works moving energy, she's a spiritual

guide, a healer, a shaman. And I'm just so grateful to be here for you to offer your perspective and story for others to hopefully have an initiation into their healing journey or a deepening into it and also to empower them to become well and healthy on the other side. So with that bird, please feel free to start by sharing your story with us. And we'll just go from there. Helene, thank you so much. Such a beautiful synchronicity that we made in spirit definitely

brought us together. So those that are listening right now, it is not an accident. First of all, that you're this name, you've been called here for a purpose, just send your n and find out what that is. So, yes, I want to talk about my story. But I feel like my story started generations ago. And I feel like all of our stories started generations ago, because the Divine Feminine generations ago was put down was murdered was

decimated in so many ways. And if you're a woman is affected as directly, but it has also affected us as women and as men, because the mother is the woman is the mother. She is the mother of the of the boys, right? So it's affected the men and the women so equally, our fathers and grandfathers have been just as hurt in different kinds of ways from this. So for me, my legacy comes from generational trauma. I didn't understand this until I was doing my healing

journey. So I started my healing journey because I was in so much pain myself. And I was in a relationship that I used to cry every week and I had no idea what narcissism was nothing. I didn't know what gaslighting I was in the span for years. And when I started my healing journey, I started looking at the books and I'm like, Okay, why, where's this pattern? Where where's this coming from? Is this is not this relationship, and I traced it back. So you know, I've always been left by

men, I've always been hurt. I go back to my boyfriends, my first boyfriends in college. And then I go down deeper. I'm like, No, it's my mother the way my mother treated me. And then a year and a half ago, when my mother died, I finally put the final piece together, which was my mother finally told me about what she witnessed with her father and her mother. And I don't know all the details, but enough to understand that I believe my father or my grandfather had narcissistic personalities

order. And I look at narcissists as a legacy of trauma. I believe that whatever happened to him as a child, and probably what happened generations and it keeps getting passed on because when something happens, that's really traumatic. I know for all of us when it's so traumatic, we shove it down until we're ready to heal to deal with it. I know like when my mother died, she was perfectly fine and she went and was diagnosed with cancer and pancreatic cancer and she

died 35 days later. So we all dealt with the best way but part of it I got shut down and a year later on my birthday, some of the leafs are coming out because this is human nature, we shove it down. But if the trauma is so deep and so traumatic, a lot of times you spend your life and you don't heal it so it gets passed on to the next generation and This is a legacy that's happening. This is not just spiritual fufu so many scientists Dr. Bruce Lipton talks about this great brand

talks about this. So many scientists are approving Dr. Christiane Northrup talks about this and doctors about this legacy of trauma. So my mother was talking to me, and when she was dying, and she finally told me about what she witnessed, and she witnessed the relationship that she witnessed that my grandmother was in was exact replica almost to the to

the relationship I chose. I had no idea about this, my father was not like that he, my father was a very kind, loving, loving man, he had his own codependency issues. But I chose and I realised I was like, Oh, I chose the same relationship, because when a woman is pregnant with a child, whatever trauma she's going through, gets passed on to the unborn child. And if it's a girl get passed on to the A's. So this way, we have the trauma of our grandmother's and past

and past, its past. So I have the trauma, my grandmother, and also my mother witnessing this relationship. So I repeated it. So I feel like my story and I look at it, because I was in this relationship for years, and I woke up from it. And I thought I could have looked at it like this ruin my life. The hard thing about when you're with a narcissist, it's not because they don't know how to love

themselves. It's not like a regular relationship, when you're over, you can think, well, he loved me, and it changed. What you understand is that he never loved me, or she never loved me because he doesn't have the capacity to love. And that's a different kind of grief. Right? So when I was dealing with those things, I I realised that it was this legacy of, of the trauma and

that was what I was healing. So what the way I look at it that's empowering to me is that my spirit shows this relationship so that I can heal the

generational trauma. And when my mother died, I had a conversation with her about six months after she died with her spirit and I was in the water I connect with the spirit spiritually water is really powerful in a waters healing and that's one of the places that I in the summertime and I in here in Arizona in the United States where gets released the desert is hot, so you know I'll be in the water in the morning time.

And I felt I said my mom I missed you and all of a sudden it came to me I really missed it I started crying. And she said to me she said I was so angry at you my daughter she said he chose the same type of man as my father and I hated my father. And I started crying I said my

mother Do you forgive me? She said yes my daughter because you chose that because you were to heal the lineages and and for five minutes clean I heard my mother's voice saying my daughter you have broken the chains my daughter you have broken the chains my daughter you have broken the chains. So if you are in a narcissistic relationship, I think the empowering way to to look at it is that you are in this

relationship. So you get to heal the you get to heal the trauma you get to be the one in the family that he was in a lot of us that are narcissistic relationships, whether it is a female or man is because we're empaths we feel energy, we have all these super traits. And because we attract that we also have the perfect skills, we have a huge heart we have the capacity, there's so much compassion and the capacity to

see the best in people. But because of those reasons, we also have the skills to be the one in the family that heals ourselves and breaks the cycle

of trauma. Because when you heal the generations you kill yourself because the generations before you seven generations and the generations after your seven generations, so I believe it's holy Sacred Work is what we are embarking upon when you've been with a narcissist Yeah, I love that you brought light to this so a couple things for some of you listening I they may you may not know what narcissism looks like or feels like I don't even like both burden I just said I don't even

think I I definitely didn't know what it was like I was there I knew that I was trying to get away from the relationship like I knew that there were things that didn't feel right I would knew that like I would be trying to speak my truth and say things and then I would be like shamed

for it like I did. I was aware that that was happening but and I tried to end it actually a few times but they wouldn't like let me like literally like I remember trying to ends it and like it just would not happen and there was other woman involved and it just funny how much we try to normalise something that's really not normal and it does go back to trauma and this person actually

had a severe trauma. Eight years old, which is the number one of the numbers the divine feminine, which is even more interesting to make this but I always knew when I was sitting there like this is this is a contract with that soul contract. However, I want to make sure I state this that as soon as there is abuse ever and abuse doesn't have to be physical, it's mental, it's emotional. It can be anything where someone makes you feel like your voice unimportant or

your feelings don't matter. And I remember, I would be like, I know that there's something here for me to learn. And I just couldn't leave yet. But the final moment was when he literally was like, I had visions of you dying, like I see visions of you getting hit by a semi truck or silver pole going through your head, like that was the moment of like, there was no, you have a moment in life. And I think, no, I write this in my first book, but your life is

made up of moments. But moments in relationships either have you fall deeper, and they compound into an extraordinary thing, or moments, absolutely kill something, and you can never go back to what it was. And I know that sounds so harsh, but it is the reality. And every moment we're making a decision every moment we have a thought that's expanding or contracting and what I love that you share it also is water when you're doing womb work, and I used to think this was absolutely batshit

crazy. For those of you listening, I would have been like work, you are crazy. I need to go make money like what are you talking about? And I had a very close well, mentor of mine, she's done over 10,000 rebirth beans in her whole life and it's a lot with Wilmore can understand the central nervous system. But what you're talking about bird of the water and being in that it's so crucial as woman's understanding this generational lineage and trauma

we carry. And so talk to me a little about like when you maybe started to realise what were the traits you were carrying them and you said with your you know, your grandma on and like you heard the story, but what were some of the other traits, maybe through your relationship or through your work with energy that allowed you to see like, holy crap, I'm carrying traits and physical DNA that is not mine to carry? And like I meant to let this go like, can you walk us through that a little bit?

Yeah. Do you want me to start by talking about like, how I started understanding that I was even in a narcissistic relationship? Yeah, that'd be awesome. So for me, I think for like, and I think this is for a

lot of people. I had no idea. I think somebody mentioned anyone who sounds like with a narcissist, I'm like, no, because one of the characteristics is that you protect, often protect the person and it's a cycle, you know, because what happens is that they start manipulating you, a lot of times they start manipulating so that people that are close to you, you know, they make them make you think that they're out to get you or they're bad. They want to isolate anyone that can that can

get too close. So that was the first thing. It's like this cycle of, of shaming. So let me just tell you, I was, I was at work when I worked at my nine to five before I do this amazing work I do now as a healer. And I was crying and silently crying because we had just gotten into another fight. And when we got into fight, he raged. And most people didn't know how much I cried because I was crying. When I first started together, I'd be fine. Like maybe every week

after while I got numb to it. No one knew how much cheating I put up with. Nobody knew how many times he wanted to leave and 21 other women and I did what I didn't think I could do without him and I did everything I could to make sure he stayed. Nobody knew how many times I had taken off my wedding ring and put it back on. Like nobody knew these things. So I'm Cindy Klein after one of our big fights. And one of my co workers comes to my desk and she just says two words. And these two words

queen, they changed my life. She said look up she said Google gaslighting it was it Google gaslighting, and I sat there, and I google gaslighting. And my mouth just went wide open and I thought, Oh, gee, are you kidding me? And it taught and so Google gaslighting gaslighting is about making you feel like you're always they're always going to blame you no matter what happens every time we had a fight it was my fault. And after a while that just gets weird and making you feel like you're

crazy. You're too sensitive not allowing to use your voice, rage storms, rage storms or silent treatment you either have a rainstorm or a silent treatment followed by love bombing and this is why we don't know because we think we have this loving partner or they do these nice things for me if you say these beautiful things and you get into cycle of drama and there's that whole psychology of addiction right you get addicted to into the fight and then the love bombing come and get

addicted to this whole was what you said with the whole competitive codependency cycle. So then I started going down the rabbit hole and I started looking at and I was scared honestly to look at what a narcissist was because I'm like no That's not a narcissist. And I was still protecting them, you know. And so I finally did. And it was like, everything I looked to fit it fit into every

category. And then after and this is I was doing this after I had filed divorce, but we were still living together for a while just because of financial, we had a child for financial reasons. And I was still at that point where he would have won he, normally I would have gotten back and my moment of decision and I love that you talked about that moment of decision was when he almost hit me. He put his fist in my face and was yelling at me. And he's saying, you're the type of woman that that

deserves to get hit. He was cussing at me. And, you know, and speaking and I had to go into the closet to get away from his fist and his spitting in the anger. And for me, that was that was done. I was like, this is not it. I'm done. And he continued trying to cycle back. He's like, you know, I'm gonna come back. And I'm like, No, I just, that was that was the deciding moment for me. But it shouldn't have gotten to that point. I had all these years of

pain and misery. And just feeling just feeling so awful. It was just, I felt awful all the time. And nobody knew. And I hit it. And it was just a painful relationship. So remind me of the core question because I've gone off on a tangent. My question I think, was just looking at what were some of the DNA traits or coding that you started to realise was part of your generational trauma part of your generational lineage that you need to heal some of the DNA traits that I

had shame was one of them. When I started looking into it, I went in and shame and I thought, you know, I'm a perfectionist, I was reading Brene Brown's work on perfectionism. I've always been a perfectionist. Since I was a little kid, I was a student that got straight A's. I got two master's degrees, almost a third and psychotherapy. But you know, graduate one message before point out 3.9 Always

perfectionist. And when I started realising that shame is up if you have perfectionism shames up in the passenger seat, so I started looking into the shame and I felt the shame of my mother. And I did some I just some past life, shamanic work. And it's interesting because I was raised in a real strict religion. So I was resistant to do any kind of Shamanic work, but part of my lineage is my mother's Mexican, and in 100, Romania is with Mexico and we have made a considerable amount

of native blood. So I've had this calling to go into the shamanic ways, the shamanic ways basically don't know what that is, is some of the core indigenous ways to heal. The luminous energy field where the core wound in Francis it's to get out of linear time to psychotherapy takes you into linear time, into sacred time, so you can heal and sacred time, just in a nutshell. But when I did that, I started going into past life, and I felt the shame with my mother, my mother had

deep deep shame. And then sort of my grandmother and anger for me, it really came out in anger and my mother died of pancreatic cancer, which is about anger. So she died. I mean, anger killed her and killed her quickly. And so that was something that I struggled with, especially as a young woman and that's how I felt in this relationship. I felt this anger and it was like my anger and my shame attracted his anger and his shame. Right.

So a lot of times we think because you know as an empath, you know, we that we see these memes about you know, the darkness is attracted to your light and that's possibly true but I believe that the darkness and somebody that dark shadow sides is attracted to the dark shadow sides of me and those dark shadow sides of me where was the shame? Was Was the anger

was the lack of self love. My mother didn't love herself and she didn't use her voice you know, she married my father and she was Mexican woman and my father's a German American and she just kind of became morphed into what he wanted to become and not because he forced her to do this because that she just did that to get his love and his

approval. So not using you talk about your voice not been who I really was um, was another cycle in in this thing, and you know also some of the coatings so a lot of things that you know, as an empath some of the things that attract us are the quote like you said out of codependency right is not feeling like I was worthy, unless I had approval. And when I dug deep I realised that it was a about security, you know, at the base of us, our root chakra is about feeling safe.

And if we grew up in an environment with a mother or father that didn't know how to love us, and make us feel unconditionally loved, we didn't feel safe. I feel like the two core core important things a parent gets to do is make your children feel safe and loved. And a lot of times, their parents did the best they could, but they still didn't make us feel safe. So for us, it comes out as security or approval or

control. And so for me, it was about the approval that I have this man that was approving of me, and I was mostly just trying to get love, like, I just wanted him to love me no matter what like you know, I'll keep doing this are you going to find the love me and finally love me. And my mother was the same I'm a killer mother didn't know how to love, it was like I was doing the same repeating the same cycle that my mother was like, it felt the same the way my

mother treated me. And I don't believe my mother was having a personality disorder but I believe she had characteristics and I think that if we don't heal ourselves, we end up having characteristics and especially if we have children, so if I had stayed in the relationship my daughter would have started seeing some of these characteristics with my with me even though I was really loving, wonderful mother, I would pass on the shame I would have passed on the controller would have

passed on some of these symptoms

to my daughter. And I think it's important as women to know that your mother that we give to our children, our children receive what we give that our children also receive who we are and who we are is not we don't love ourselves we don't know how to receive we don't know You know, loving is right self love is being able to receive and give to ourselves and a lot of us are in a lot of women are in the masculine because the feminine is about being and receiving and the feminine the masculine is

about doing and giving. So the feminine again it's about being and and receiving how many honestly how many of you give more than you receive I don't for me I just gave and gave and gave and gave and gave and gave I never received and I was always doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing you know I was working in and I was in graduate school for a while and then I was having a part time job and as was my daughter and I was like everything is just

doing all this stuff. But we don't we don't be so obvious all these traits obvious things that were passed on. That attracted it was the morning to me that attracted him and that's what I love that you say this is my third book I talk a lot about this I think it's I'm I get quite frustrated I should say with this. I definitely don't like the whole narcissistic

movement. I'm not really big on any movement, I guess because the reality is, is we co create every experience and we have agreed to go through everything that we're going through the severity of it is obviously always up to us the moment there's abuse you always immediately right then any contract is no void over out done. But if you say it's up to you, which is fine, and it's a choice, there's more healing that you're going to paint in healing you're going to incur.

But a nurse's doesn't just like randomly appear like there's things that you hold within you that are very specific traits that have gotten you to where you've gotten but for where you're meant to go. The nurses had to come into your life to actually be kind of like an angel in a weird way this is to shine light on the areas that you were pretending didn't exist or pretending weren't toxic.

Because a codependent actually the way that narcissism steals energy in the energetic field is much like a codependent stealing energy in the energetic field which is why they usually attract because a codependent writer someone what you just said I want to give and give and give and when I give I feel so good because I'm giving I'm getting this energy of excitement back because I'm pulling then from your excitement I'm pulling from someone else's energy to energise myself which is the

exact same thing and nurses does a little bit darker obviously not for the force of good but they do it for themselves which they are just so empty like a narcissist you have to imagine it's just like a bottle of water that's empty and whatever they can do to grab water to put it in there they're gonna do it because it's it's empty like their soul literally does not reside there like it it maybe will flash in and out but it's darkness is a home there were codependency it's not so much of

darkness. It's just you have so much abundantly energy. It's like literally you have like all these holes out of the water bottle that are leaking everywhere. So you're constantly like Putting more water in because it's always leaking and you can never quite carry it. So both parties are still pulling energy, the intention behind it and the reason is different but in the energetic space, it's doing the same thing. And so we use those are powerful visuals.

And I guess a way to look at your life as you know I did, I'm luckily mine was like not even a year I like he got out of there. But the other thing is, there was the other woman that he was, I mean, at least one other woman, but when he was seriously dating, and I knew she had a very similar childhood trauma to me, and she did not want kids and they they've almost probably

been a decade. And so when I look at the abuse that actually happened to her, like when I would be out and see like, what would happen, it would be astonishing to me, like there was something as small as I remember, like, he had asked her to like, go get up and do something when like, it's something very basic, like he could have done I remember I was actually on a date with a Dutch another guy, or just like how this was later after it was

over. And I was like, Oh, do you want me to get up and get you this water? And he's like, Are you kidding? I would never ask you to get up and give me anything. And I was like, Whoa, Mike dropped like, holy shit. Like, this is what it means to step into your clean codes. Like, I remember, like, even the same guy was there one time I went to go, like, grab something for him like, and he is like, No, put it down. You don't need to do anything, but sit there and relax. Like it was so like,

whoa. And I remember like seeing these moments in time of like, where he would like raise his voice the other woman or? Um, yeah, like ask her to do things for him. And then like, I experienced the exact duality of someone that I haven't even invested on much time energy and have like, would not even let me get up and get them water when I offered it. Like because it was convenient cuz I was already going there. And I was like, wow, like mind blown of what the

possibility is. But it takes healing everyone and I think you I think that I know, I guess the journey that I'm sharing with you. It's not an overnight thing. It used to frustrate me because I would be like, fuck, like, I know, I just let my daughter go, but I'm gonna meet her and I'm gonna adopt her. But this is so painful. And like, does he care about me? Why can you learn capacity? Like, you know, and I think what really helped me here with that is just the sooner we just feel the

emotions. And sometimes we have to be okay. Like, it may be three months, it may be four months, and like, it is what it is. But like you will get out on the other side. Like I remember there was times when I felt like debilitating to move like, oh my god, like I felt like literally, there were weights on my body. But I always just like, you know, there has to be one thing like I actually would take chemotherapy again over any time. I shouldn't say that. I wouldn't, but I would say

they're silly. I prefer that then the heartbreak of a narcissist like it is. So awakening moment, but you become so grateful for it in the long run. And so yeah, I'd love to hear just any of your thoughts on that, or how you overcame or what your process looks like. Um, I think you know, for so many years, I wanted joy, you know, and then I got older. And one of the things that really hit me is when my daughter was five years old, with a friend. And I was watching my daughter.

And she's so full of joy. Like she was like, wild with joy just out just doing this. And I looked at her and I thought she didn't just get that from her dad. She must have gotten that from me. Awesome. And I don't ever remember feeling that way. So I call her mother and I said it was on like, when I was a baby. She said, Oh, you were always joyful and seen and you're the happiest baby. And I said, Okay, so I wanted to get back to that. It was like

uncovering myself. I think we lose parts of our soul is whatever happened when I was a child, whatever the environment, the pain, the sadness in the house, whatever was going on there. I chose, like I locked myself up. And I think it was that desire to experience joy. And then every time we get into another rage storm, another fight another like it just felt so bad. And I just felt, you know, even the cycle of of the cheating, like it just became

normal. And I'm like, why are you putting like, why are you putting up with? Like, what kind of what kind of what is the saying about you that you're putting up with this? And I think I was at a vegan fest all the time when I was trying to decide what I should do. And because I had a daughter who made it because I have a traditional way like, I don't want my child to be raised by a single mom or a divorce. So I was really trying to keep things together because it wasn't just

me it was my daughter too. And there was a speaker there was a man. He was just so Amazing in so many ways, so connected to his masculine and feminine talking about all these things. And I thought, oh my goodness, I want to talk to him, I could tell that he was a man that really treated women beautifully. And I thought, This is what I would like a relationship. And I thought, You are not even near the type of woman that could attract that.

This is you are the type of woman that's been put been put up with this treatment, you know, for us, like he didn't take me on dates for years. I remember one time crying to him saying when my daughter was a little girl, saying it's not good for our daughter not to see, you know, to see her dad not take her mother on dates. And he got mad, he said, the more you pressure me on the dates, the more I don't want to

take you. So blame me and he still didn't take me and I was just like, What is this speaking about myself? What kind of low self esteem do I have? You know, in the world, I thought that if I had done or competence is that if you have competence, I would always I'm like, yeah, that confidence, I was in total

denial. And this is something that I see a lot of times when I I can spot you probably can spot to, I can spot when someone's in a narcissistic relationship, just like point on sort of talking or I because I can feel energy, I can feel energy of the person have a mate and I'm like, ooh, but usually I will know I'm like, it's gonna take this woman or man five years, 10 years, maybe even 1520 years to wake up and and see it. So I think for

me it was that I wanted joy. And because I wanted Joy, I just had this knowing that I wanted to heal. I. And you know, it was interesting for me my journey, I didn't love myself enough to heal for me. And I think that's the truth for a lot of people. A lot of us don't love ourselves enough to begin that journey. We're used to that. And deep down somewhere, we feel like I'm not worthy. And this is what I'm

worthy of. And we're in this whole codependent cycle because in some way we've grown up with this or some way something's happened that has made us feel that we're deserving. And so for me, it was my daughter, one time, she was nine years old, and I raised my voice. I had this anger thing. And she she said mom, even really crabby lately, and I thought, I need to do something, because this is damaging my daughter. So I did something for me, I went to a

spiritual yoga class. For me, it was something called Shakti naam yoga, that did a lot of breath work and, and sound meditation and that kind of stuff. And I sort of going into sort of feeling better. And then a year later, they had an opportunity to become a teacher, they had a year long training. And I didn't have any desire to be a teacher, I had no desire ever to be a coach, I had no desire ever to be doing the things that you know, get my YouTube channel and I'm talking none of this stuff I

had any. All I knew was I needed to heal. I just had this overwhelming feeling within my soul. Like I feel like our souls, you know, spirits, direct us, and you know, God speaking to us, and there was just I need to heal. And when I started doing the train was a year long training. And then I started healing and I started seeing and I started feeling and I started feeling how bad I felt around

him. And you know, and if you understand the the energy, sex and energy, every time you're with someone sexually, you take on the part of their energy field. So the masters that I've trained with have said that it can linger on for three to five years. And you also take on the pain memory, so whatever pain they're going through, but when you're with someone sexually, you have that within yourself. And then if we want a woman there's a womb imprint imprint in your sacral energy. So, so

yeah, yeah. So I felt like I was I started feeling how I was feeling even sexually and how I felt and the energy and I wanted, I just wanted something different. And I started noticing and feeling this kind of and then I went back to so this is what I think is important because a lot of us that are in our relationships are empaths and an empath means that you can, you're very

sensitive to energy. You. You can feel people's emotions, you a lot of times you see the best in people, you have a lot of compassion, like we have great big hearts. A lot of times we get overwhelmed by crowds and big social things because we can feel so many people's energy.

But because I have the energy I remembered what it was I said the very first time I met him I went back when I was young, I was 23 years old when I first met him and I very first time I met him, I had a bad feeling about him. Because when you're energetic you can feel it but what happens especially with another As someone that has Gnosis personnels and I like you, I don't really care for all these terms. It's really a damaged, really, it's just somebody that's got a lot of damage. And

I had a lot of damage. So we attracted so that we could heal, right so I could heal. But what happens because someone that has personality disorder, they're very charismatic they want, because the ego is so damaged. They want approval and attention so that they feel okay. So they've learned to be very charismatic a lot of times are very good looking. They're very rigid with their words. So as soon as I met him, I forgot all

that stuff. So I went back and I was like, my, it's like I knew the first time I met him, that this energy was was was totally off for me, but I didn't listen to it. So I went back to understanding and feeling the energy. And when I felt the energy, I know there was one time after actually, the divorce is finalised, because he was still trying to get back in into the loop after the divorce was

finalised. And if you have a child, it's challenging because you have the child and I had this vision of a divorce where we had a beautiful relationship so we could have, you know, Christmas dinner, and I could have my boyfriend, he could have his girlfriend, I wanted that for my daughter. That was the vision our boys had. So I was trying to create that with us. And we came over one time to

visit her daughter. And this was just right after the first couple months after, and we talked for like an hour or two we had voice and the conversations is very intelligent. And he left and all of a sudden, I just started crying because I was like, because it just came to me I was completely depleted. I was like, oh my god, I'm so depleted. His he totally drained. He was almost like you just syphon my energy. And of course, I was

allowing him back. But I was just learning that and I just felt how awful my energy felt. And that was something I would have noticed. But then I realised I'm like he's been with you sexually all these years. What has it been doing and how has it been syphoning your energy and I just started paying attention to how I felt. And the important thing about this is that it will eventually show up

in your body. And one of the telltale I'm going to speak on this two things that I that happened with me is before I have a year before I made the decision to file divorce leave and before I even understood what our personalities on the was more gaslighting or the stuff I had just worked out and I had gone to the refrigerator to grab something. And the whole left side of my body was completely numb. And I just slid down the refrigerator completely and I couldn't feel anything.

And then I regained it. And then I called the nurse hotline. And they said you need to come in because it's a symptom of a heart attack, right? So I go in and they had me stayed for overnight the day it came out that it was that my nervous system was overtaxed because when you're with someone that's narcissistic because their rage and you don't know when they're gonna rage again. And when they're the love bomb. It's like you're never at peace. You're

never you're always in PTSD. You don't ever know when it's taxing your nervous system. We never know when you don't ever feel safe, right? And so because we have all those years, it just text my body. And it just did this. And when I called him and I told him, I have to stay overnight. He got mad at me. And he said, What about our daughter? And he later told me he said, I thought you did that because you were trying to get attention. We've been together for years, I've never had any

kind of symptom anything. And, and when I was there, the nurses and the doctor was so nice. I remember thinking that it felt like a resort. I was getting treated so well and I thought you know what, you're in a relationship that is so painful that you're at the dock at the emergency care and this feels like you're staying in the resort. I said something's wrong with this relationship. And that was like that was one of my first wake up calls. But yeah, it's it's a powerful it's a

powerful journey. We all have our own stories coming in but I think you know, the point is just to to find out like we all deserve Joy right? And we all deserve like what is preventing you from living a life like living at your full capacity and joy and love and abundance? Abundance in all forms?

Yeah, I love that you share this and I you know it's funny because I've always kind of been the girl that's like happy and I believe in magic and unicorns and more and more I'm going into owning my sorcery avatar that I have me um as well as the very academic and business side of me but what I love that you're sharing my whole body tingles when I say this is you know the things happen in life that sometimes suck, but they're always for our greatest

evolution. And there really is our greatest gift and our biggest trauma. And I, I remember leaving my corporate job. And what I really wanted to find out was that love would always win. That was like my biggest thing I want to just to find out that that was the truth that love would truly always win. And I feel like in my journey, it's so beautiful that I have really found that out in many ways that love always wins. But it's not in the way that we

expect it. Many times I think we do as, especially as women look for it in men, or we seek it out and materialistic things or travel, and I've done all of the above. But I've also also cleanse myself and detox from

all of the above. But I think that the part of the journey is that when you're listening to something like this, it's knowing that you were called here and knowing that there's part of your story of of just during the question like maybe that that wasn't normal, like that thought of something not being normal is it's not just made up. It's it's a real thought that has a vibrational frequency that's giving you an

alarm bell to get away. And even an example I can give, it's more personal again, but I'll share so even that guy that I said it was interesting like that he was like, No, I'll never had to get anything or whatever that was. Um, or with that with a couple hours, it seemed total duality of like, Whoa, this is crazy. But at the same time, when sexually involved two days later, I had five bruises on my back. And I messaged them asking, like, had you seen these? And they were like,

definitely not. And so that was a sign of like, there's narcissism or there's something unhealthy there. And if your body's signalling, like the other person, the other guy, it was, I guess real nurses there say like, I used to get like these things on my neck that was about my neck is super sensitive. So thyroid cancer. So like I'm always very sensitive there. But like, I would have rashes like eczema, but like different coming. And this was my back and your back represents

more of support in life. And so it was like letting me know, I was unhealthily use unhealthily using this guy for support when I needed to support myself. And it's funny because like, the reasons I get mad at this guy was like, not getting an attention to me. It's like the sales demo what I really need them to do. And so just because the you have one relationship, I feel like that's bad. There's still going to be amazing things and people but you've just got to really listen to your body.

Listen to your intuition, listen to your feelings of like, what's always going on in a moment to moment basis. Like we both said burden I like, your life is filled with moments and every moment, something shifts, something changes, something transforms, something transcends and you've got to be your biggest cheerleader, you've got to be your best friends and like moments will always be perfect.

Like there will be things but you've got to understand when that's when a sign is telling you like wrong directions, sweetheart, like not in alignment with your soul. Are you listening? Are you gonna listen to the the alarm? Or are you just gonna drive past it again. And I think that's the journey of awakening, that's a journey of healing. That's the journey of wellness and that's also the journey of magic and miracles because your body and your feelings guide you in a way

that's not linear. And that's when you get I don't know winning the lottery which I have had or like getting random clients on social media or meeting new amazing people or listening to a podcast like this. So I think that's in my heart like summarising it up. But do you want to say anything else to just what's on your heart just summarise it up and then more people can find you and reach out to you.

Yes, you know, I think kind of what I want to summarise with just two quick things is that this will show up in your body. Dr. Christian Northrup says that she calls them energy vampires is one of the biggest health epidemics in the world right now. It shows up from Malaysia, cancer show up as autoimmune diseases, all kinds of different ways. When your your body is not in alignment with your body mind spirit, not alignment will show up your shopping body so just

you know, be pay attention. And I think finally, like just be really honest about how you're feeling around people. It's really important. It doesn't even matter like not even if it's a narcissistic relationship, your energy, there's nothing that's more important than your energy. We're energetic beings. And you're, you're here to have love and to have joy and for most of us that means that we're going to have to heal some of the lineage but it's really important to be careful about

who is in your inner circle. And you can love somebody for example you could love a family member love them very much. But choose not to have them in their in your inner circle. They don't even have you don't have to say anything, confront them with everything. But just be very discerning. And who is your inner circle and if you have someone in the inner circle who is a partner, love partner, be be aware what it's doing. Just just be conscious because for so

long, I had no idea. And if you have any idea just Google, I would say Google gaslighting, Google narcissist, and just, you know, protect your energy because you are so worthy of having so much love and light and joy in your life.

Correct. And I and I think to just to add to that what you said is even if it's not your like, I would never be in Nursing Scholarship, which is me very academia like no way I'm way too smart for that my IQ is the one of the genius, which it is, but I like literally you guys every excuse under the thing of like, No, this would

never happen to me. And so another thing that like, really, there's a woman called Melanie and lair, she's on YouTube, and a really profound instance happened for me because she says, um, would I believe this and it hasn't been scientifically proven yet. I

will. I do believe in birds in my lifetime, it will be proven that a narcissist or any energy vampire as Burgess mentioned, if they latch into your heart and get a place and like land heart like a home on you, which as your ex husband did when he came in, you're like, I felt so depleted. They say a narcissist has access to sucking your soul like your soul and energy juice up to 12 months, at least after you've had no contact. And I remember thinking, Oh, hell no, like, this is not gonna happen.

So I'm like listening to this woman. And I did I was doing these meditations. It was gotta get out and I will never forget, I was writing my book, it was the chapter about releasing trauma. I'm sitting there I'm like, up at 4am Listening to his meditation and all of a sudden, five contractions out of my vaginal area come and three breaths like burps almost out of my mouth. And I literally am

like, hell yes. Oh, no longer fully my energy and as soon as I did that, my crystal my crystella crystal which is in my book, it starts to flicker and my daughter basically letting me know through my crystal that we just did it we like stopped the energy beam pulled and so even if you don't believe like wanting the negative look at just empathic look at energy, go to Gaia TV, look at Mellie and layer are nuts. Sorry, it's not Melanie and Leo, it's a

different one. But this is the first Melanie I said it's a different mentor. There's one in Australia, but she's incredible. So I just feel so grateful for you sharing your story with us bird and then we'll leave your social media in the notes. But if you want to tell people where to follow you so that way we have that in your website. Yeah, so be perfect. You can find me on I G. I'm huge on Instagram, also Facebook, I love IG much more and YouTube. I'm just starting to get my YouTube

up. But it's bird. It's like bird B IR D. And the last name is Matt Hiya, it's mej IA and then my website's is saying bergna hiya.com. And my specialty really is about healing the roots. So I do psychotherapy. So I'm able to do is heal the roots and healing the limitless energy field and doing the cord cutting the solitary will those important pieces that we get to do to powerfully step into our joy and our life and heal the generations before us.

Absolutely. And I'll make sure that we leave that in the show notes that when we tag you will make sure that you are tagged and that we have it in there as well so people can reach out so thank you so much. We're so grateful and thank you guys for tuning in to receive the frequency