Episode 31 - What is a Highly-Sensitive Person and How Do You Become Empowered by it with Sandra Nikolic

and expand your life. If you liked this episode, please share it with your friends and leave a review on the platform you listen to this podcast from. Also if you do desire to go deeper into my work and get more intimate access with me and the teachings coming through me, you can go to my website, Colleen gallagher.co. And check out my

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commerce space. They focus on specific marketing strategies each month and release a new episode every Wednesday, we will leave their information in the show notes and thank you keep optimising podcast for the wisdom you're sharing and sponsoring this ad. Now to dive into this episode, I'm super super, super excited. This is a ally of mine, I should say we were in the same mentor programming called convergence with Yvonne De La Flor and her name is Sandra Nikolay, I hope I

said it right. There's an age I think at the end, Nicole. And she's a mindset and intuitive mentor. And so in this podcast, we're gonna go along to understanding things of anxiety. And I know a lot of you on here, that's something that you have challenged with. Also understanding what it means to tap into becoming a healer or being a guide in that way. Also really going deeper in intuition how you cultivate it, what it

means. And also, we're really going to tap into what it means when you lack boundaries, and you're highly sensitive, and how this could really impact and influence many decisions in your life. And so Sandra, I'd love for you to introduce yourselves, share your story, share how you got here, and we'll just have a conversation from there. Great. So hello, everyone listening now or in the future.

Now. Thank you for having me here and the opportunity to do our li or because I feel and believe that we share the same values. And it's no wonder that we call the word courageous. And my my story is, in a way unique, but also a very, very common on the other hand, and as you said, I had no idea what high sensitivity is. And I thought that anxiety and that feeling of being overwhelmed and not knowing what's the right career choice. What's the next step what to do is something that's

my personal challenge. But as it happens in life, right information, the right mentors, right, insights and downloads are happening one at a time. And it actually led me to work with people as a mentor and to change perspective to play with perspective and to see how mindset and that intuitive spiritual side converge and shape our reality. One thing I want to ask you so I want to get to this Do you remember the first time in your life when you had a download? I don't know if I look at my own

life. I don't know if I would call it a download. But I remember the moments I went into other dimensions I remember like the realms and things not being here physically, but they felt so real. And so do you remember that for yourself? Yes. And it was very early at the age of five. But as the time went by, I disregarded if that's the right word I was like, it's all in my head it was and that way, there's nothing special about you. And I was like, I buried it for quite some time.

But as with any talent, as we then emotion bearing, it does not kill it, it only stays there, like a hidden treasure, until we are hopefully brave enough, brave enough to go back and claim our rights to possess that treasure and gifts and talents in any sort of way. So it was around five that I remember those first, as you said, downloads but overnight, went back to it, it was at 25. So 20 years later, I was ready to move on. I love this word that you said I've never really heard it in

this way. But it really ignites something in me, when you said that, we have to remember that we have this right to claim our talents. And so talk to me a little bit about that. What does that mean for you? How do you guide people to that? What was your process? Like any of those? It's multiple questions, maybe start with your process? How did you start that? And then what are the other steps you asked for people?

Well, my, my journey was that I simply felt like the oddball I had friends, I'm very outgoing. And it's not true that if you're highly sensitive, you're introvert, it's just that we receive much more information than most people. So I was social. And I like to having friends being out going, but there was like, a moment when I was alone. That didn't feel right. And I hear realise that I can pretend that all those stories, all those experiences

in my life didn't happen. Or I can go back and see what it really is. And most of us, and most of people I work with a had that epiphany or like that moment when they saw their power, especially women, but it happens to men as well. And they were scared that if they are different, if they're unique, if they are gifted, that won't be appreciated. So it's buried in one way or another, we say I am not good enough. In my creative process, or all those energy downloads that I have are just

my vivid imagination. And they also say that kids are imaginative, they live in an imaginary world. So we tend to put either fantasy into it or that we just diminish the power within, in one way or another. It's a cultural thing. But again, it's universal story, each person I work with no matter where they're from, they're similar patterns. So we we see that power and there's no a mentor or guide at that time

for us or we don't see them. And it stays in us for as long as it takes for us to to remember who we are.

Yeah, one thing I really like that you share here and this is something I teach a lot in my in my teachings is that we really are just on the journey to remembering and a lot of times this is something totally separate but I'll bring it in this morning I was sent to sent something by a friend and it was talking about why People consistently attract trauma other people who have trauma and I said, you know, it's really a misleading video because technically if you look at

research and the person I would quote would be Dr. Peeler. Lavonne is trauma, anything that causes emotional destabilisation? People could be emotionally destabilised by like slamming on the brakes or, or someone scaring them like in a haunted house like that. And that isn't trauma. But technically, that is trauma, because it's reminding them of something where they have that mate, it's trapped in them, and it's coming out in another way.

And so it's misleading to say that, like, if you always attract drama, why are you doing or what it's like, there's a deeper conversation that needs to happen. But there's so many ways our brain and our heart have created protection mechanisms for us to not remember. And for us to think we have to function in a certain

way. And that a lot of times can cause anxiety, because it's, we're futuring what we don't want to do, or we're thinking into the future of something, and we don't know why we're forcing ourselves to do or be something we don't really want to do. And there's a lot of chaos and confusion that comes with that. And so I guess where I want to take that with what you've said is let's talk a

little bit about anxiety. And let's also talk about the intuitive nature of moving through anxiety cuz I feel like that some theme, people wouldn't necessarily put those two things together. Mm hmm. Definitely. And I love what you mentioned. Because when we say trauma, the word trauma means something huge, when actually those could be small events in even in our pre natal

period. So where while we are in our mother's womb, we want to say that baby is traumatised, but it definitely gathers experience and we aren't born as a blank piece of paper, there are a lot of imprints even from the preconception period, and so forth and so on. And, oh, when we are triggered by something in our surrounding, it doesn't mean that something huge happened to us, like being assaulted or being good in war, it can be really our personal lethal trauma that's lethal from the

outside. But for the inner world, especially of highly sensitive people. It's like a bomb. Oh, it's what I would like to share is that we don't judge our experiences and our traumas, and even our anxiety, as something significant or not so significant. So that that we don't put measure on it, we have right to feel the way we feel about whatever it is happening

in our life. And if we, when we are anxious, and when we experience overwhelm, it's not easy to say like you attracted this or putting extra guilt. This is not the big deal, or what really bothers me these days is positive thinking. I am solution oriented. I love seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and being the light in

the tunnel. But also, we all collectively need to understand that everything has the right to exist as the one says beautifully, that we get also to choose and to let ourselves experience because when I was diving into my anxiety and what was happening inside of me, I realised that it's not about being whiny or super sensitive or someone who doesn't have

strength. It was actually my wish to be everywhere to help every person around me especially my kid, and that I was like trying to be superhuman because I thought that's a standard instead of letting me Taking one thing at a time and accepting my feelings and the states and my experiences as something that's traumatic for me even though it may not seem big on the outside. I have the right to be anxious. That was the first step to sum it up. No, I love that. I love what

you're saying. Because I, I feel like and I know a lot of people in this podcast listening in this audience they are the superhumans are the ones that have accomplished everything. They've done everything they put their mind to something that's happening, it's going it's done with complete. And they kind of they're in that space of just becoming open of how do I have these feelings that I don't know what they are? What do I do with

them? Are they I think I don't even know half of what they're feeling may not even be they're feeling. So this anxious state. And what you just shared is, we all do have a right to feel and experience everything that that is occurring. And it is a choice if we stay in it as a victim or we allow ourselves to move

through it. However, the moving through process, sometimes can take months, sometimes it can take a year, sometimes there can be a lot that goes through it because as you just mentioned, there is imprints and coding that is put on us in the womb based on that template that's in my third book based on what family we're born to. There's a generational lineage of coding and programming that is

automatically put onto us. And so many times if we came from an emotionally avoidant family, we would not only be fighting our own emotional avoidance, we're fighting generations of lineage that has been tapped into us. And so I wouldn't say fighting but overcoming moving through. So I love that you said this about anxiety. And for someone who maybe is highly sensitive, and they don't know what that means, what would you offer for them?

Okay, there are beautiful tests by Elaine Aaron, like the mother of the term, highly sensitive, and she contributed worldwide with this topic, and also what's on like, the basic things, you think that you feel too much like, you get super emotional. In theatre, when you might watch a movie or a play, you are also very triggered by scenes of violence, and injustice. We also tend to have really strong love

for animals. And there is something that you might consider peculiars like, some noises trigger you or specific fabrics. sense of taste or smell is somehow enhanced is like you says, for example, every smell in the room, you know, what's your neighbour cooking, or you can't wear anything that's not cotton, or sometimes noisy places make you feel really uncomfortable. There are like those extra senses extra

emotions. And also people like to be your friend because they say really understand you're a good listener you can your safe space for sharing the emotions of for others. Yeah, and I, I feel like for a lot of people listening to this, these are probably things that you hear these are probably things that like your what you're the friend that people always call with problems are the ones that people always want

to listen to. And at times, what we can go into that almost can allow you to have lack of boundaries, so that you almost become like a one 800 helpline for everyone. And then you actually don't have time to process your own feelings. And then many times you take those feelings on as if they were yours. So it's really understanding how to break

through that barrier. And at times if you're not understanding that you're taking on other people's emotions and this process of being a 100 helpline, and you also will cause anxiety because you're not going to know why you're feeling these things and you're going to be anxious about different things. So yes, yes, faceted

loop. And it's really why it's important of doing mine at work and doing intuitive work to really understand what is true for you and your body, not where is your mind wandering based on everyone else's energy that's putting things into your mind? And so, yes, I'd love for you about that, Sandra. Mm hmm. What's like, the easiest way to understand boundaries and where and how to place them is to notice how you feel before or after a meeting or coffee or a

call with someone. If, after it no matter what the topic, no matter what circumstances of the person are, and it's both for our friends and partners, or our business associates, if you're depleted after it, if you feel like you've been hit by a train, if you lack energy, that's a place or a person or a topic to stop. If we feel good, if we are full of energy, after the exchange with that person,

that's the right person. And if someone says, Well, I feel bad after seeing this friend, but she's a friend since we are friends since kindergarten, and she always has a really big issue, and so forth, and so on. So if you're someone like that, listening to this, understand that we give truly give when we don't like. So in a year, or whatever time, that friend might be really unpleasant to you. And people will say, I have been for

that person for 10 years. And now that's the way he or she is returning this to me, but that person energetically God the task, so to speak, to cut you off, for your own sake because you were unwilling to save yourself. Correct. And there's the I talk about this in my third book. So my third books coming out, you can pre order it now through my social media, but it comes out June 8 of 2020. I went to my publisher, and I talked about

codependency and narcissism. So I had codependent habits that were very very toxic that was I aware of it definitely wasn't aware of it from a heart space logically, because my brain is IQ is like so they're like I logically knew that there was these things, these habits I had, but it wasn't in my body. I co created a narcissistic

relationship. And I ended because I had an unplanned pregnancy and I chose to let the child go after six days of finding out and from that I really started this deeper journey of my mission and understanding lineage at a whole different way when you have a child in your body like you it's a whole different way you understand it when you're aware

of these things. Um, as well as like past lifetime stuff with the dad and there's a lot of elements that you don't really know play into it and so what you're saying when I left here, Sandra's up if someone cuts you off, I think a lot of people are so quick to say like that's a bad friend or they're being judgmental but sometimes what I've come to learn is really there's just a needed for a

healing journey. So it has nothing to do with you and I took another course and we can dive into this as well so I think it's important from what you just said but talked about there's two ways you cut someone off or do silent treatment basically one is you do a silent treatment or cut someone off as you mentioned because it's it's unhealthy for one person doesn't have that has nothing to do with you. For me it was my own codependent patterning that I

had to really heal myself. The other one is you cut someone off because you're trying to punish you're ignoring them and you don't want to face a conversation and this duality of self healing and punishment that is only something each individual you can know in your body. What am I doing here? Am I doing this to punish this person cuz I didn't get what I want? Or am I doing this because I really

need to heal. And I feel like with what you're showing a lot of people struggle with this in life, whether it's business like my job didn't need me anymore, or especially with COVID or my partner didn't what doesn't want me and sometimes it really has nothing to do with you and the best thing that you can always do is just look inward and why are you so upset without that

person? Was there a codependency were you not sovereign in yourself because if it's truly love, if it's truly a mission of God, if something like that happens you'll be very You'll feel the emotion of sadness, of despair of grief. But you'll understand there's something greater coming. So it'll be much quicker to change the perspective on what is the lesson here instead of being lost my anger? Love to hear your thoughts on this as well.

Yes. Again, something that's like, quick universal, and that works 100% of time is, as you said, to feel it in your body. Body doesn't lie. That's why I love intuitive work. Because for me, intuition is how to stay interface between us and the divine. And the body doesn't lie, it's a huge antenna, or transmission, portal. And if it's true, if it's right, there may be sadness, there may be sadness is normal human emotion, there may be pain, but there is

never shrinking. Whenever we feel shrinking in our body, in our emotions, you're in our thoughts shrinking at no matter what level means that you are not honest with yourself, you may not be aware of it. But there is some lie. I can't leave without that this person. Check. Maybe that's not really true. But it hurts so much, it hurts. But whether there is shrinking or not even the harshest moments, the biggest pains come with the sense of expansion. So we may be fed and expansion at

the same time. And that's from my experience, both personal and from my work experience. Brilliant test to discriminate truth from lies, either that someone tells us or that we say to ourselves, because as he said, we all have different self sabotage moments that are actually like our survival kit.

That's a parachute that doesn't work but we wanted to protect ourselves we didn't know better, but the beautiful Mayan yellow said when you know better and do better so we need to replace those things that don't work like codependency and so forth and so on with something different. And don't think pain bad. Pleasure, good. Just going to shrinking and expansion, whatever it is shrinking and expansion in our body and energy tell us the direction does that make sense?

Sandra I love this. I've actually never ever heard of this before the word I've never heard the word shrinking with this before. I love it though because there's actually night for those you listening. There's times that I remember when I was in this unhealthy narcissistic

relationship. I remember like he would call on the phone my friends would be with me and I would like literally my shoulders would go in and I would be like afterwards like my friends like you are literally in a foetal position after talking on the phone with this person, I'm like, oh, no, I don't know if you can see I got goosebumps when you when you showed it. That's also one trait of high sensitivity. We feel like electricity through our

body. And we just know what it's like when you show that position like coming up that that is a brilliant example of shrinking. And that's it. I've never heard the shrinking term for it. But oh, those of you listened and like, what I did is I basically like my shoulders moved inward, like my arms went inward. It's almost like you're going to like give yourself a hug, but it's

like a painful hug almost. And so I never ever heard a shrinking but I love that because there are times when maybe you can't witness yourself, but your friends can witness you. And anytime you are shrinking, it's very different than contractive and expansion because when you're thinking of birthing a child, you need contrast. And energy shrinking though would be the unhealthy toxic part of Yes, yes, you brought this to my awareness because I've never ever asked

a contraction is pain. As I said pain is normal human emotion. And one thing that they often say is that in our heart you We think of it as a temple or a house. I say that pain or sadness, and joy share the same room. If you don't let that pain, like expand, even though it's contracting us, it will be small room for joy as well. So we are like half leaving, you're not too sad, but you're not too happy or like, warm, whatever

sort of thing. So contraction, as you said, and like in childbirth, contraction and expansion are both normal. Shrinking is toxic. Brilliant. Yeah. So I saw I, for those of you listening, just start to notice me. And I remember when I worked in corporate, I had a great sales job, and I would go to work and I would still feel small, like I want to get out of the environment, or I'd be like walking around the building listening to my music, like, I never wanted to be present

there. I never wanted to, to, to do that. And that was always shrinking, it was always making myself smaller. And it's funny, as I've gotten out of corporate, it's been like three years, I've actually I'm 26. But I when I was 23, I looked like I was probably 32. And now I probably looked like I'm more like 23 or look much younger. Now it's like a reverse age, even though I'm still like not even in the anti ageing phase, really. And so I love these things that you're

sharing. And so the other part I think I just want to hone into really quick is with intuition. What would you say with all these pieces that you've talked about? How does someone start to like tactically understand their intuition is coming through them to speak to them? Well, again, a short and very simple way is to start giving yourself permission for just about anything I know it may sound silly sound may roll eyes.

But we forget, as I said, at the beginning, we forget what our power is, and that we can choose. So when I grant when I give myself permission, to be happy, to be sad, to be anxious, what ever it is, I am not shrinking myself. So not to have that toxic relationship with with myself. And that's also huge part of anxiety that were too harsh. And when we soften that, me to me, her relationship, a we can have, I call it that way, divine perspective. And in that divine perspective, we are children.

And we would never, willingly those people who do the work are ready to take responsibility. We will never be that harsh to not only a child but someone dear to us. And so when we open to the ability that we are not only maybe lovable, but we are lovable, when we don't need to prove, and again Akoto mind, light never asks for proofs. It's just about being when we understand that we are loved and supported. Then that intuitive

part arises. And no matter whether you're religious or not, you give yourself permission to hear that inner voice that doesn't come from your head. That doesn't come from your IQ no matter how brilliant your IQ is. But it comes from your wisdom from your stomach from your soul from that place that's not biassed or put in a box of

others expectations. Family belief system there is a part of us that unpacked and perfect and we'll let ourselves speak With asking questions, getting answers, and the more we'll listen, the more we are out of the chair of the Divine. I know everything, I need to figure out everything, I have to control everything. I have to be everything. When we say, Okay, I need help with this. What's the right career path? What's the next step? And let ourselves feel that and hear that voice? I

mean, it's pretty amazing. What? What can happen? Yeah, I love that. You're I love that. And I agree, because that's been my, my journey with that as well. And I didn't know, I always say you don't know what we don't know. And so until you really my first book I talked about the step one is when you become open to the universe, that's when new things come into your reality. And there's no possible way you could even imagine it, because there's just

so much out there. So, um, well, I just want to say thank you so much for coming on and having a conversation and is there anything else that you want the audience to know? And then also tell them where they can find you? Well, well, I would like to thank you for writing these books, and all the content that you're creating, because it is so much needed. And essential for for these times. And for my

place in space. I suggest everyone to check out to expand the story and intuitive leadership portal, free Facebook group, where I will be sharing some intuitive and mindset things in the following period. Amazing, awesome. And we'll make sure that we leave that in the show notes you guys too. So when you watch this, if you just go to the show notes, you can click it and open on Facebook, our Sandra's website so thank you so

much. And for those of you please remember to reach out message us with any questions. We're here to support you on your journey and we're sending you so much love on this beautiful moment in time.