Episode 20 – How to Build Lasting Relationships

build lasting relationships. And what I've come to learn is that lasting relationships is your most important whether it's in your personal life, and your business life, because that adds to your overall well being and your overall fulfilment in life.

And so if you are kind of living a life that's a little bit average, or you feel like you don't really have a lot of support, or even if it's from team members in your business, or in your co workers, or whatever that is, you're gonna have a lot of issues like, even if the smartest person in the world doesn't know how to communicate those ideas, or doesn't know how to move those ideas out of them into the world, you're going to have a challenging time feeling like that you are fulfilling a

greater purpose or fulfilling a greater reason of why you're here. And so I actually had this podcast come to me because I was visiting my parents in Arizona. And there's actually a girlfriend of mine I've been friends with since we were four

years old. I remember the moment that we met, actually, we were in this park in Michigan, and it was like a neighbourhood party before the July or something and I go up to her and we're talking, I just go, you're going to be my friend, she goes, Okay, like, let's introduce you to my parents and me to yours. And we're like climbing on the jungle gym. And basically, you know, 20 something years later, we're still best friends. And so it's kind of funny to look at

how the world works. And this came to me because of that, because over 20 years, I mean, 22 years, it's fun with that, you have to learn a few things about friendships and relationships. And I guess I'd also look at my business, relationships, and friendships as I've been in business for two

and a half years. And the longest team member I've had, it's been about a year and a half, I think, but I wanted to share with you, there's something really, really important to succeeding in life to achieve in life, you have to be able to build lasting relationships. And so the one thing that I know to be true, is the one thing that we all deeply deeply desire in life is connection. And connection comes first, through knowing who we are. So we know our likes our desires, dreams and aspirations.

Because if we don't know ourselves, we'll end up in relationships that are unfulfilling, and we'll be doing things we don't like because we think it's better than being

alone. And so what I've learned for a long time is many times we'll be in a job that we're kind of settling in our career path, because we think that that's the only way to receive money, or we think that that's the most financially stable or safe way, when in reality, if we actually looked at how to build lasting relationships, to support us and our ideas and support us and how we're feeling and thinking about the world, we would be empowered to actually

create a different reality. So what I want to share with this, though, is trust me that everyone sometime in their life has kind of done something, instead of being alone, I think anyone can attest that from, you know, a small child to all the way up to an 80 year old person. We've all had those things, and

we've done it. But the thing is, is as life goes on, you want to have those moments less and less, where you're doing things because you'd rather just do it and be alone or you you'd rather have a moment of connection that's not a superficial connection, then a deep meaningful connection with yourself. And that's why I feel like I still really really believe how to build a lasting connection is always going to start with yourself, how do you start to tune into yourself?

What are the things you do for you? That that brings you fulfilment that brings you joy, what are some hobbies you have? What are there things you like to talk about? When your friends call you? What are the things that you are naturally always communicating about? What are the things that you are always kind of wanting to offer advice about and that tells you a lot about what your purpose is and how to build a lasting

relationship? Because what you like to talk about you want to have friends that like to talk about the same thing. So for me, I love intellectual conversations. I'm never, ever very much like this is absolute

truth. I'm always kind of like there's there's so many truths from so many backgrounds, depending on someone's perspective or point of view from the world and I really like diving into controversial topics or political topics and so at my life, I've created a lot of intelligent people that like to have those conversations are having Businesses that are solving issues to those types of

problems. But this became apparent to me because I had a connection with myself where if you don't have a connection with yourself, if you are not aware, or asking yourself or practising, what are the thoughts you're having, what are the things you like to share what makes you smile, and you're not consistently having conversations about that, well, then you're not going to be setting yourself up to use law of attraction to allow the world to give you people that are going to empower you to move

forward. So what I want to go through in that a little bit is when you start to have a connection with yourself, you then do activate law of attraction, which naturally gives you people in your life who end up liking the same things that you do. So for an example, that my my friend that I met, we're four years old, right, we both love being outdoors, we both are really funny. We both like playing dress up like there was I mean, obviously, as I've got on different things have happened.

But you know, we both had all these things that we really like to go through both or losing our teeth at the same time. You know, these were all things that that happened to how to build a lasting relationship is that we kind of connected at the same age, same point of life, and we've gone through a lot of things together. Even when she moved from Michigan and lived in Arizona, I remember I was like hanging out the wrong friends. So I ended up moving here. And like, our I came here for a

summer. And so we kind of had these these things, I guess that you look out like we had a connection with ourselves, but you also are going through life in a similar path and doing things that you both like. And I think that's what's really important when building a lasting relationship is that you are around people who like what you like, who are having the conversations that you like, and you don't have to feel bad about someone just not liking what you like, and you're just not on the

same path. And that's okay, and I do is there's a abundance of people that will come into your life, when you choose to let go of the people that are just not in alignment or in resonance with you. And it doesn't mean that you're bad, or they're good, or one of the other. It just simply means that you have different things that you're

interested in. And so if you're kind of looking at your life right now, and you're asking yourself, like, I don't really love a lot of the people that I'm around, or I want to I just want more out of life, I want to have deeper conversations, more meaningful conversations, then you got to be radically honest with yourself and ask yourself, where's the inside of you not matching the outside of you. This is a really, really big

thing. And I remember when I was in corporate America, this was really huge for me, because I would be like, everything's fine, everything's great, I'm getting my goals done instead, like I just hated my job. Like, I was grateful I was making good money, it was like, I should be grateful. But and I was but I just it was not, I wasn't happy. It just wasn't happening. But I kept forcing myself to try and say that I was happy or doing something that I love when that

just wasn't me. And so the five things I've kind of built here to understand how to build lasting relationship is one, you have to have communication with yourself, you have to know the thoughts that are going on inside of your mind, you have to know the words and feelings that are on your heart, you have to know how you are being how you are communicating to other people, it's actually what's on your heart or mind or you're just saying it to like keep a

neutral ground. Um, you also have to understand with communication, like the moment that you feel something different inside, but you allow something different to come out of your mouth, you are actually hindering last few relationships instead of helping them. Like Another example is I remember when I was in college, I used to love to go out and I still do like to go out and have dinners and drinks. But some of my friends did not like that. And so they would be like Sorry,

call I love you. But that's just not something I like to do. So I'm not going to go with you. And I was like, okay, that's perfect. But that's honest communication. And those are some of the lasting relationships I have. Because they were true to themselves. Instead of being like, you know what, let me just hang up calling because I want to hang out, but it's not an environment that I like. And you've got to look at those things like how are you communicating with

yourself? And are you doing things that you genuinely like to do? Are you just doing it because it's what you think you should do? What you think you must do what you think you ought to do to get a desired result or to create a certain achievement. And that's the really, I don't wanna say dangerous, but it can be a dangerous place to be as if the inside of your communication isn't matching the outside of your communication. Again, we've

all done this. But in your journey, as a leader in your journey of initiating yourself into deeper lasting relationships, you have to have that percentage of the inside of your communication, the outside being more and more and more in sync. So the second thing with building a lasting relationship that I've seen is it takes

commitment. You can't have like 50 friends and expect that it's gonna all be lasting relationships, you have to understand that sometimes, and this is one of the most brilliant things someone ever said to me is you have friends that are there for a season, and you have friends that are there for a reason. And then some that are there for a lifetime. But the ones that are there for a lifetime are far and few

between. Usually, when you have people that are attracted into your reality, they're there for a season, or they're there for a reason. And it takes commitment to have relationships, even to the team member. Because with a co worker, if it's with friendships, clients, like it takes commitment, it doesn't matter. It's an emotional commitment, you don't just have someone in your life and you don't respond to them, or you don't show up for them. Like it

takes commitment. If you are spread too thin already, then you have to honestly look at yourself and go, I need to only allow this amount of time in my life or relationship building our commitments. The rest is that I just can't do it. Because it has to go to my work it has to in my business has to go to my family, whatever that is. But building a lasting relationship

takes a commitment. And you've got to be honest with yourself in your communication about what you have available for you to communicate internally and externally. And what you're willing to commit to build a lasting relationship. Again, the relationship I have with my barista or my coffee person that I go and get coffee from and probably the relationship that I have with the team member one's gonna be very much more deeper.

But that doesn't mean I can't have my barista who always makes my coffee and I get excited to go there. And you know, we say how are you are this but when I move obviously that barista is not moving with me. So that was for a season of my life, I had this amazing barista that made my coffee, it made me smile, and then you move on. But that was still a lasting relationship, it was still deep, it was still

meaningful, so important. The other thing that I want to share is, after this with this lasting relationships is the third thing I find is really, really important for longer lasting relationships, is you have to be okay with the relationship

evolving. So I have many friends in my life, who I started evolving in my business, I started evolving in my dreams, I started evolving in my goals, I started evolving in the way that I took action to make things happen, where other people were like, I'm going to get married, you know, 2122 23, I'm going to have kids and there's nothing wrong with that. But obviously, the evolution of our relationship is going to be very

different. Because the conversations I'm having aren't like, Oh, I'm going to be a mom, I'm gonna do this the conversation ends are what are my dreams? What are my goals? What are the businesses that I'm not that religions can't be important or related at all. And for that point in may not be as opposed may not talk as much, you may not do anything together, because I simply am we're focused on different things in

life. So back to that communication, that communication dialogue, where we were having internally and externally, I only have so much time, I want to maximise my time who around people who are having the same conversations and same passions as I am. And so that relationship may not be as committed that may not be, you know, five hours a week, maybe it's one hour every three months, you know, something like this, but you have to be okay with how to build lasting relationships that they will

evolve. And this goes with team members, this goes with businesses, all relationships will evolve as you evolve and life evolves and things happen. Just the way it goes, even let's say if one person had a parent die, they're going to be attracting in their life, a support group of people who had parents die. And if you don't, if you haven't had that happen, not that this friend or this person doesn't want to be around you. They just really need support people who understand

them. And that's not something unless you've had a parent guide, you could really do and so it's just being okay that with long lasting friendships, they will evolve. And sometimes that means you don't talk or hang out as much. And sometimes it means you do. It just depends. So be okay with evolution of building a long lasting relationship and know that sometimes it's not always going to be the way that wasn't

a certain moment. But that's why for me, I've learned that when you have any relationship, when you're with that person, you want to give them full presence. You want to be totally grateful. And you want to know that you're never going to get that moment again. So always speak what's on your heart. always communicate what's on your mind, because that could absolutely change the depth of your relationship in a moment where you may never get

that moment again. Another thing with building lasting relationships, any relationship is attachment. So this is a really big thing, especially I feel with the online world. I mean, any world we all kind of really want to get the new client or do the new thing, but we have to practice in building lasting relationships on

attachment. Because sometimes we get so focused and we want this client we want this thing we want it to happen this way in the relationship or we want this guy to show up for us or this girl to show up for this friendship to be that way. And that person is just not showing up that way, well, we're going to build a lot of anger, resentment and feelings that may

not need to be there. So, practice on Attachment practice, going, Yeah, you know, I'd really love that client, but I'm totally unattached to what happening, I'm totally trusting that it's all gonna work out. And in that practice, I'm attachment, I would advise you, I would offer you that your relationship will actually get much deeper. So here's an example, that same friend that I told you about, that I've had

since I was four years old. She got started a family very early, and she's an accountant, right, and I'm very much a creator, and all these other things. So sometimes, like she's more black and white, I'm very colourful. And we will always see eyes on things, but I'm totally I'm attacked, but she doesn't need to see it my way. And she, I, she doesn't need me to see it her way. It just unattached to

it. And so when you have that vibration, and you you know, this is just what I feel, and I know and accept this person for who they are. And I don't need to change them, I don't need to have them see my point of view, I just wanted to express myself and they express themselves and

we're good. That an attachment of need neediness, that's the word desire for whatever that it is, that improves relationships to be more fulfilling and longer lasting, because the other person isn't ever going to feel like you're trapping them to become someone that they don't

want to become. And so it's really, really important even with I look at some of my clients, you know, I've had for two years, or they've been clients on and off for two years, I've been very unattached to it, I've never really pushed my clients back, you need to do this thing, or you need to do whatever, like I've just been very unattached to it. Because I know that even though it's two years, it's still in startup

phase. So I know when it's 10 years down the road that that if I just continue to be a person that shows up of service continuing to treat them how they want continue to answer their questions that unattached and unattached to how the result will come, I know the results will just come. And that's been proven in my business so far. So I don't, I don't see why it would get any different. But anything that would have accompany the fact that the results that I get, because I practice on attachment.

So in any relationship just become unattached to them needing to see it your way or them needing to think it's your way or your team members and just have a trust and knowing that you are fully supported. And if you just show up in your authentic expression, with your business or with your movement, or with what's on your heart that the relationship will drop into a deeper frequency. The last thing that I think it's really, really important with building a lasting relationship

is thoughtfulness. So this is something I can tell you I've become really good at and I don't know if it's because I've lived so many places around the world. But people like to be reminded that you're thinking of them. People like to know that they matter to you. People like to know that they are special in your life. And so to build lasting relationships, you know, I've texted friend at like 3am in the morning randomly, I wake up in there on my mind, like just thinking of you have a

fabulous day tomorrow. I've texted my clients things like that I like small things. And I know they're going through something handwritten cards for clients, some of my clients that they like, defaulted on payments, or there was like an issue with the payments, and they ended up them paying for it. I was like, I'm so proud of you, you know, and I wrote them

like a handwritten card. Even though that's kind of ironic, you think like, oh, they did that, but it's uh, you know, no one ever likes to feel like they can't pay something. And that's like a shitty feeling. But the reality is life happens and things get messy and you have to be okay with how can I build a thoughtfulness? How can I build something here to let them see that I care. And, and that's another really big way to build

a lasting relationship. I think even if you're in a dating relationship, that's a really big thing of like putting sticky notes or like any random text like to build a lasting relationship. People need to know you're thinking of them even when they're not around. And because I think I've lived in travellers in so many places.

I've become great at this. But if I could offer you anything, if you want to build lasting relationships with people that you admire with people that you look up to, or you want to attract new relationships into your life, you've got to understand how to become thoughtful about again. What do you guys like communicating about so what are you communicating inward and that's creating your outward reality? And how alignment is that in?

The commitment that you have in someone's life is it once a month once every three months once a year but you still in the writing them like a letter or texting them randomly to let them know that you really care about them? What's been the evolution of you and that person, maybe that person did go through something traumatic like I shared. And you don't, you can't relate to that trauma. So

you can't be there. But you can end up showing that you're thinking of them and that you're thoughtful even though you maybe can't offer that emotional support. And attachment is the big one, like I said, with clients or team members, but being unattached to what your

desire is for somebody else. And showing that they're proud of themselves, whether or not you're being thoughtful to acknowledge even though you see something different, that you're proud of them for, what they're doing and their goals and their dreams. I think that's really important with that. Because if people don't know you care, people don't know you're thinking about them when they're

not around. I think it can really upset people I think can really kind of over time or road, the possibility of there being a lasting friendship. And I think sometimes life does get busy, especially if you're not missing areas, someone. But it's always nice to be reminded that you mattered in someone's life, that you were important in their life that you made a mark on their life, it's always nice to know that. And that can only happen through communication being expressed in a thoughtful

way. And so, again, just to kind of wrap it all up, but I wanted to share is how to build lasting relationships, as we all deeply deeply desire connection. That's something we all hope to have in this world. connection for starts with ourselves, and being honest with how we're feeling how we're thinking, our desires

are inspirations. From that space of interconnection, we start to understand how to create an outer connection because we can be vulnerable and authentic and what we're sharing instead of the inside of us being repulsed by something, but on the outside, we're still doing the thing that we're repulsed by. And I think that comes from a deep fear of either being rejected to be seen or being alone or like afraid to be

alone. Any of those really. But if you want to build something, that's a lasting relationship, that's going to bring you fulfilment, it's going to bring you joy, it's going to empower you, I'm going to lighten the journey, you've got to understand that your communication, like I said, needs to be congruent your commitment to other people and yourself and your mission needs

to be superb. Being committed to knowing that evolution happens, people will drift and sometimes be super intense in your life. Know that attachment is a huge part of not trying to control someone else's journey, but being there just as a witness as an observer for them. And the last thing is to be thoughtful to really guide people to know that you're thinking of them that they were important to you. And in that five steps, I truly believe you start to create connections that you once

dreamed about. And when you start to create connections, you know, that you once dreamed about and you show yourself that you actually can be a good friend to yourself, which then in turn allows you to be a good friend to other people. You shift your reality because you you see what it what is available for you, you see what's possible for you. And you know what actually feels like to have a supportive community

around you, no matter what. And so I hope this supports you this podcast and how to build a lasting relationship. I hope that you start to build a relationship with yourself more deeply and intimately. Because I know that that that everything else will fall into place. So let me know how this goes. Feel free to reach out to me on [email protected] forward slash the Colleen Gallagher or instagram.com forward slash I am calling Gallagher. Be super excited to hear how you feel

about this. It's also things I help my clients with so you can always reach out and we can understand how to get this happening in your life. But I'm wishing you the most beautiful moment in time when he received this and I'm sure I will talk with you soon.