You're at the Coaching Inn, 3D Coaching's virtual pub where we enjoy conversations with people who are engaged in the world of coaching. Hello and welcome to this week's edition of The Coaching In. I'm Claire Pedrick and today I'm in conversation with Tula Valconen, who I met in Sheffield in the UK in September at a conference about Deep Talk, which Tula started. Welcome Tula. thank you. Thank you. Thank you for inviting me. I feel very privileged now. it's such a...
Pleasure. So I came across Deep Talk, Thula, through our friend Catherine Lord. OK. And. I'm very interested in so many things. So can you start by telling us, how did you move from being a kindergarten teacher to working with adults and communities doing the same thing? It was a life journey, really. Yeah, my basic education is a multilingual teacher and kindergarten teacher. But then we went with my family into mission work to Namibia. And there was a great need for working counselling.
So I got this very quick education for that work. And I started to work with Namibian and Angolan missionaries as a working counsellor. And then I was already wondering that how can we walk the best possible way? with another person. How can we help each other in difficult situations also? So NLP was one method and many other triers and I was really happy to have a good college partner doing the work with me. And I was still working a lot with children.
and for them we were studying the best possible ways of teaching English because Namibia's official language is English. And that method was a university and some of the best universities in Europe, they were helping us with what to do. So that skills came with me, child work, language learning, working counselling together. And when we came back to Finland, I met Gartli Plei, Jerome Berryman's beautiful way of teaching the Bible to children.
And after using all these methods in my work in Salo, I somehow combinated this. When people were asking, because they were asking me that, can you do more? Can you do this and that? And that's how it went on. Then I just went to Nokia big company and said that, well, bosses, do you want to try this? And they said? They said, yes. Wow. Yeah. And that's how I got started. What an extraordinary journey. Yeah, it has been a beautiful journey. I feel really, really blessed because of it.
So for our listeners who don't know what deep talk is, can you just describe how it works? it's so funny and so little and so simple little system on the sand. You just tell an ancient story, very old story, which must have something inside it because it's still told in the world. 1 ,000 years, 2 ,000 years, very old stories. They are very often coming from some religious backgrounds and many all over the world, different cultures and so on.
And when that story is told, it will put our inner language in use. It's just language learning process. We can start to use it with these stories. And then we make a little, it sounds funny, but it's actually just a game, just a play we are doing with the laws of play. There's no rights, no wrongs. You are free to do what you want. And that will help them, the community to find their best language because inner language is always very honest, very humble. and just telling about myself.
And when that is put in our community use, it's giving such a good results and so beautiful gifts. So much simplifying. Yeah. And so much enabling people to be human and themselves at work. Yeah, exactly. That's it. And on the sand, There are certain rules, these comfort and gentle rules, that you are not allowed to touch anybody else's story and there's only right things, no wrongs when you are talking about yourself. And then at the end you put the blessing hands.
which is not a religious way of doing blessing sands, but this international all over humanity way of saying that, okay, this is now okay. Short while you learn so much new language, which is actually already inside us, but you learn to use it out with people. Wow. And for our listeners who know about 3D coaching's work, this is a... This is changing the medium people in the most extreme way. So it's based on what you see, what you hear and what you touch. Exactly. Yes. Yes. That's the way.
How could you learn this without seeing any deep talk stories? I've seen a deep talk story. Okay. Okay. So you know that I am so interested in the extra layer of, of, well, you're talking about community listening, community seeing, and community touching, aren't you? Yeah, exactly. We are letting people to be what they are. We are whole. We touch and we smell and do everything. And that's actually the basic laws of playing, good playing. And we all know it from our background.
Can you imagine that when we are learning inner language, we are actually learning our basic language? Is it coming from paradise even? I don't know. Where everything is just together. There is no... What is it? I don't remember the word in English, but okay, something like separation. There's no separation. Okay. So I am so fascinated Tula to hear some of the stories of the impact that this is having in organisations and communities. Can you share? Yes, I was waiting. Please ask it.
Now we have to a little bit change my whole studio. I'm in my kitchen. I will show you. There's the window. beautiful. That's why we have. Difficult is to get enough light into my kitchen, but we are doing our best. I put this in here, the camera, and I changed computer a little bit away so that we will be ready. look at you! You see the sand now? yes. Good. Because this is all we need. This is the story told always. Can you put me as a big one so that I will see myself? Yes, yes.
It's easier for me because now I'm telling the story through the camera. Yes, yes, yes, yes. But it can work also like this. Because you will see then if it's good. Yeah, you will see that will be also good. Can you see that? Nope. It's okay. It's okay, darling. We'll manage like this because you will tell them if it's not good. But here we are. I'm sitting relaxed in front of the sand and I'm asking you, are you ready for a story? I am. Thank you. There is an open place.
place where it has happened so much for people. Here was also this desert. desert where it didn't grow anything and where is no water. So people don't go there if they don't have to. Once there was a person who didn't have anything and he went into the desert. He found there such a precious precious stone and took it with him and continued his trip. After a little while a stranger came and saw the stone. He said can you give it to me without any hesitation.
He gave the stone to the other one and off they go. After a few days the stranger turned around, found out the person again, gave the stone back to him and said, I want something more precious from you. Can you tell me please, where did you get this attitude of giving? And now I ask you, what part of the story did you like best today? There's no rights and wrongs. Just your opinion. I love the exchange they had. Here. Yeah. Yeah. Just like that. Take it. Yeah. No asking nothing. Just giving.
And then also the question here on the other hand. I like this morning this when I... I go to desert and I find something so beautiful. Ooh, this is nice. All right. Now I, yep. Then the story will go on with two other questions like, what you didn't like and where would you like to be in the story? Okay, so these are also questions, but we go on now. I'll take away this precious stone which a person found from the desert. And I put away this open place where it has happened so much for people.
And then we stand up. And then we change place. This is a... changing off this brain learning place. That's why we changed the place. All right. And then I opened this beautiful center again. And I ask you, what kind of day do you have today? Which kind of morning you have Claire? I have an admin morning after this, Tula. Okay. All right. So what would you like to put here? Is it the mounting or waves or the... definitely a mountain.
Mountain, here we are in a big mountain, yeah beautiful mountain. I also enjoy this excitement of how the technical things are working. The biggest worry, I put it here. Yeah. But then I also enjoy a lot my morning coffee because you know what, I got engaged yesterday. thank you very much. Congratulations. That's lovely. Yeah, so I have a beautiful husband to come. Just having coffee with me. Yeah, it's beautiful. But now I wonder that what are the important things in your life this morning?
What is important to you, Claire? What's important to me this morning is my dad. Your dad? Okay. We put your dad here. You have a dad alive. Is he living near to you? Yeah, he's very close by. lovely. It's beautiful when you have your parents still alive in this time. It's a privilege. Okay. I put my engagement and these promises which are now made just now. They are here. What else? What is important to you? My community is important to me. Okay, your community. It's here. With all members.
It's here. And for me also, my family, children and a new baby coming, you know. lovely. That's also, this is these years now. Third one. Yep. It's here. And... Is there anything else? Is there anything important in your work? Yeah, I think our legacy, what we leave. Okay, that's important. Yeah, legacy. All those things you want to tell that they can continue in the world. They are here. I think I have the same thing. Also, And then those people who are coming to me, they are very important.
They're those who are asking different questions and I try to help as much as I can. But then it's okay. It's enough. They are here. All right, we could put here a lot of other things also. And every day our important things can little bit change. But most of them are continuing through our life. The dear ones, the attitudes, they are also here. Where would you like to put this? else. I think I'd like to put it shining as a light on the top. Okay, here we are.
There it is on the mountain, shining on the top. It's very beautiful there. Nice. So I wonder, Claire, I have a few people here. I'll try to put them here. Which one would you like to be? I'd like to be the one, the dancing one with the die. I got that one. Yes. All right. So here you are. Where would you like to go here? I'd like to go quite close to the lovely precious jewel.
Yeah. do you know that reminds me of the, the pilgrims, the brass, the bronze pilgrims on the hill, Monte de Gozo outside Santiago de Compostela. lovely. there you are. There they are. Really this life is like a pilgrim. Yeah. Sometimes. When we can respect it or at least be present most of the time. It's a playground already. All right. And I put myself wandering here. Seeing this very beautiful shiny thing. And then I want to come very near you. also seeing the beauty of this.
this precious stone. Should appear to here that you can see also the precious stone pit. Here we are. And now... I wonder that if we take our inner child, this is the new thing which I'm using. This is not needed always to be told, but I just want to show you. So if you have an inner child here, this one is your inner child, where would you like to put your inner child? There's no rights, no wrongs. I'd like to put the inner child right by the precious thing. Yeah, like this.
Okay. They are very near each other. Okay. And I put my inner child here. I wonder if you can see it, but there it's very near myself also and near the precious things. And I wonder what is your inner child telling to your adult self? What would you like to tell to your inner child today? This is a silent work. This we can talk with ourselves, with our little inner child in peace.
And for this inner talk, you usually give enough time because this is something you are having a very strong learning process here. But I wonder, Claire, do you want to say something aloud about this? What did you find here? We've got this. That's what I found. Yeah. Yeah, I got this. And I also felt very strongly that this little child wants to play with these precious things, with the community and with everything. And my inner child is asking my adult now that, okay, what is an adult play?
How can I play in community? Yeah. That's my inner discussion at the moment. Yeah. So here we are with so many thoughts already within us in a few minutes. This didn't take more than 10 minutes, I think. But I wonder, is this good enough for the first story, first experience about Deep Talk? That is good enough. Thank you, Tula. Here we are. very much blessed. Thank you. Thank you. So many insights and so many insights about the process. Exactly. It happened so quickly and so honestly.
Yeah. So personal way. Well, what I really like about it is it's very direct. That's it. It's very, very direct. And it's light enough to be safe enough. So our listeners don't know. So I did a talk at the conference, didn't I, about, about sense making and meaning making. And that is such an, the most beautiful example of the journey from sense making to meaning making in such a simple way without using hardly any words. Yeah. That's the thing. That's the thing, hey!
It's so interesting that you learn the language by listening. Yeah. And when you listen enough, your words are coming through your eyes, your loving eyes. And this whole body language, or how do we say it, for those few words, you say the right word in the right place. Yeah. Probably. And it's so, so simple. Hmm. It is. And what I also loved is that you, is that you did some other things that our listeners will recognize.
So I love that beautiful bit where you tell the story and then we stand up and change places a bit. And you said something about place and the brain and I thought... I know that intuitively and I teach that intuitively and it was beautiful to hear that. And I also love the fact that in this deep work, we were both focused on the story and not looking at each other. Yeah, that's one method. So when you learn this method, you need to see the face also to realize that you don't look.
Yeah. But in coaching, we talk about don't talk to the story, talk to the person. But of course, you weren't talking to the story. You were just facilitating me to make me to connect my story to these figures. Exactly. But there was no investigation. Yeah. Yeah, so I have a technical question. So in a community, I'm guessing you just get more figures in the sand, right? Yeah, then it can be, you know, six, eight. I don't like to have 10, 20 or something like that.
So it's better to have a little groups here. Yeah. Yeah. And that all just feels very connected, doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah. This movement is telling so much for professionals also. And I love to have this working counseling in pairs, that there's two, two persons, because then you can also read more about this, where are these going and what are they saying. But it's not the main thing. It's not the main thing. It's, it's everybody's doing their own. Homework. Everybody's doing their own work.
That's such a beautiful like, can I ask you a question? Yes, please. What would, what would be your definition of working counselling? What does it mean? I put this camera now, you can see also me, but sorry, now you don't see the sand. I don't have two cameras. I should have two cameras. Yeah. Yeah. What does it mean? What does it mean this death? What did you say? So what is working counselling? What is working counselling? what is working counselling?
It's helping people to be what they are and be to learn dialogical language to each other also. Dialogical language is the key word for this. So it's coaching? Yeah, it's coaching. It is definitely coaching. This method is all the time using these kind of words that I wonder. Yeah. And is this good enough? Yeah. Or this is good enough. So these are very, very soft and good and effective words in community language. And they're words that we use in coaching, I wonder. Exactly. Exactly.
We are using them in coaching. And if you use it, enough. It will definitely be in your own language also. This community will learn it. And it's really nice. It's a really nice. It's safe, isn't it? And it's also not enough is one of my favourite words. Because I think we can get into absolutes. Yeah, exactly. Life is not very paradise. It's not paradise here. Yeah. just good enough. Yeah. Good enough is amazing. Yeah, it is amazing. It's a good life, really.
Yeah. So Tula, what an extraordinary way to start the morning. yes. Thank you for letting me be on the sand. Thank you for sharing. So if people want to find out more about Deep Talk, how do they do that? They could go to the out of the box pages. Yeah. Okay. There is lots of info about it. Yeah. And trainings are possible. My poor English is good enough for teaching and there are many others who can also do it. Okay. Fantastic. So I'll put that, I'll put that in the show notes, everyone.
And if you want to watch the video. I'll put the video on the YouTube channel so you can watch the story. Tula, thank you so much for coming to the Coaching In. thank you for inviting. This was a privilege. I hope we can meet one day. I hope so. Yeah, I hope so. So thank you everyone for listening. Thank you for coming. Bye bye everyone. If you've enjoyed what you've heard today, we'd love you to share the podcast with a friend or leave a comment on social media.
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