This is The Coaching Inn, a podcast from 3D Coaching. Hello, it's Claire here. Welcome to The Coaching Inn and this week's book group, which is about chapter five of Simplifying Coaching, which is about simple exploring. But first of all, a big shout out to everyone who's on Transforming Conversations with us at the moment, because I know you're having discussions in your WhatsApp. group about who asked which question.
So a big shout out to you and I look forward to seeing you at our next session where we're learning, guess what, to simplifying coaching. So the thing about simple exploring, I think, is that if you think about the coaching container that we describe in the book, it's about the middle of the flight. So the beginning is about taking off the conversation.
then the middle, the exploring bit is about traveling together so that at the end of that exploring, they know things they didn't know before and then landing the conversation, landing the plane and ending well. And I'm never ceased to be amazed by that C.S. T.S. Eliot quote that says, we shall not cease from exploration and the end of our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
And that's what exploring is for and I think that we really need to focus on this is not me exploring their stuff. This is about me facilitating a process in which they can look at their stuff in a different way. that will give them new insights. Because when I lead the exploring, I set up expectations that I'll do something with the information I've gained. So even if you know that you're not going to do anything with that, the question is why are you asking them to tell you all of that stuff?
So it's all about getting them to look. And one of the shifts is to move from conversations where it feels like they're talking to you to a conversation where actually you're both looking at the situation together to give them a different view. So get them to look. I think that there's a real pressure on coaches. to put in. We feel a kind of obligation to add value but until we recognise that we don't add value by trying to add value, we won't add value.
Because that's like just kind of pushing stuff in. think that for many of us and I guess that's still also true for me, there's a bit of a mystery around how doing so little in service of somebody else getting new insights can be such a useful process. And yet it is. Because going back to that simple definition of coaching that we talked about in chapter one of the book, coaching is a conversation where someone feels heard and where they get new insights into their own stuff.
So we need to move to that position when we are being with them as they're processing stuff, rather than talking to them or getting them to talk to us about it. So all of our questions or offers or whatever it is needs to come from the let's look at this together from a different place standpoint. And of course in that exploring phase, that middle phase of the conversation, the check-in that I'm talking about actually in next week's blog, the check-in is more important than ever.
If somebody's moving forward as they're exploring we need to check in. Where are we? and what do we need to do next. I did up my first walking coaching session this morning. Now we've moved to a more rural area and we were walking in the fields and basically we were walking through unmade paths, through very high long grass and it was very beautiful.
But it was quite a trek and the person who was the thinker was kind of leading the expedition because he knew the way through the fields and I didn't and I was following as we were talking. But when the coach is leading, we need to keep checking in that this journey is serving the thinkers' stuff. And we need to check in almost more than to ask questions. And look, watch. see whether the person is moving forward as they are exploring. Great question from Mark about tools.
Yeah, I mean, I have an aversion to tools as I think you probably know if you've read the book. I think one of the issues about tools is how easy it is to become a slave to the tool. rather than a companion in a thinking process with the other person. Because the challenge of tools is that people will do what we ask them. So if you give somebody an exercise in a coaching conversation, they will follow you into it. And I think if you're going to use them, you need to be watching all the time.
And as soon as the thing is useful to the person, You need to ask them if that's enough or whether they want to continue. But we're still in this challenge at this time and this place in history when coaching is, although it's well embedded in society, it's also quite new and there is still an expectation from people who come to a conversation that you're going to lead. So if you start doing an exercise or using a tool, there's a strong pull for them to follow you into it.
So use wisely and use as a last resort if other things aren't useful, unless it's skills coaching.
So for example, I'm doing some coaching over time with somebody at the moment and it kind of turned into career coaching and I said what do you think we need to do now and the answer came back not sure so I scoped out things like you know at this stage some people need to get more clear about what their skills are some people want to be thinking about what jobs might be available how they get them how they do applications interviews what would be useful
So I offered a kind of basket and then asked the other person to say what would be useful and they said actually it'd be really useful to get a sense of what my skills are. So I guess I probably engaged them in a process then which I've used over many years which is get them to talk about the jobs they've had and what they've done while I catch the skills. So I guess you could say that was an exercise and yet it was, it was it was initiated by a question that they were asking.
And when I said, should we do that? They wanted a little bit of a steer. So sometimes they're useful, but sometimes it's like we enroll somebody in our game or our preferred thing. know, one of the stories in the book is when somebody, I was observing some coaching and they were doing a an NLP exercise called time something. And he asked the person to move. And when she moved into the first position of his little exercise, she had a massive revelation.
And I saw it and other people in the room saw it, but the coach was staying faithful to the tool and then went on for probably 10 more minutes, taking her through an exercise. in which she got no other insight. So it would have been amazing if he'd, I mean, he was fairly early on in his coaching journey, but it's, you know, it's really great in those contexts if we can drop things in service of actually they've done their usefulness and we don't have to keep going on them till the end.
So that's one that to really think about. Another question that came from Mark this week was about whether it's useful to map the journey as it were when we're working with somebody over time. And I guess my question about that Mark is who would mapping the journey be in service of? Is that because you want to see the journey or is that because it's useful to them? So absolutely, that's a great question to ask somebody.
and be aware that the answer to the question might be no. So there's lots in chapter five about simple exploring the idea that Einstein said you can't solve a problem in the frame in which it was created. So moving away from words to movement or using stuff to hold the story can be really useful. But remember the thing that we're working in service of, and that is they feel heard and they get new insights into their own stuff.
So if curiosity is the reason you came into coaching, make sure you are facilitating their curiosity and not following your hunch. As Nigel Wellings said, never know first, never know better and never think you know. So for the coming week, we're going to be reading the next chapter, which is chapter six, and that's on simple endings. And of course, as T.S. Eliot said, to make an ending is to make a beginning.
And the end is really dependent on having done a great beginning and on checking in all the way through that middle phase of the conversation. So more about that in next week's audio, I'd really love to hear your thoughts about endings, because I know often it's the area in which coaches feel least strong.
And if you're not confident about how the conversation went, you're often kind of running to the end, or if you get really caught up in the exploring phase, you often end quickly because you run out of time. But we need to give as much attention to the ending as we did to the beginning. And it's interesting because it takes a plane half an hour to land, however far it's traveled. So there's one for you to mull over over the next week.
And thank you, Liza. for reminding me in an email this week that you love that acronym WAIT. Why am I talking? So there's a great thing to think about in chapter five and exploring and in endings. So enjoy the rest of your week. See you next time. Thanks for listening. Bye bye. If you've enjoyed what you've heard today, please share the podcast with a friend who might also be interested.
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