The ChrissieCast: Music Maker Kate DeAraugo

Welcome to the Christy Cast. Let's see what the wheel is going to give us today, Christy casters, Aha, music makers heaven. Well, here is an Ozzy music makeup with a real story for you. We first got to know Kate Derouge in two thousand and five. One over two million of us tuned in to watch her win Australian Idol. Remember when everyone watched the same television shows? I miss

I am quite pregnant, but I always knew i'd like you too.

Do you know that sometimes you just know always had a vibe.

Chrisy Swan, thank you for having me. I'm so excited to have a chat.

I'm really excited to talk about your I hate the word journey, but if I'm going to use it about anybody. An Australian Idol contestants like to say adventure.

We call it an adventure.

That's what I call it too. Sometimes that's the only thing that gets me through the day, is my mantra of every day a new adventure and you've just got to steal yourself and keep going. Let's spin the wheel again to see what we're going to talk about. First. Oh, this is a first the story that lives rent free in your head, Kate Derouge, What is it?

Well, I mean, I've heard this story a few times over the years in the news, but I heard one first hand recently. It was about a girl who had stomach cramps, went to the hospital and had a baby and never knew didn't know they were pregnant. And I cannot, for the life of me, makes sense. Like, I'm heavy pregnant at the moment, and I know I'm pregnant. There is some things going on inside of me that you can't deny them or not know that they're there, And

I just think this is so interesting because that is also an element of life that I have never ever understood. I've done fine topics on radio about it. So I can tell you hit.

Me because give me some information.

I know someone personally. Her name is Amanda. Like I'm giving you receipts here, Kate Derush. She is a curtain maker. She's like my official curtain maker. If ever I needs a window covering, I call Amanda. Anyway, I called her because I needed a curtain about a year ago. I know her as having a thirteen year old and an eleven year old. End of she turns up with a baby. No, and I'm like, I don't know you were pregnant. She goes,

No.

This was her third pregnancy and she had no idea she had she was feeling sick. She went to the hospital and she wasn't showing anything. She thought, to be honest, when you get to a certain age, you think you're dying, right, You're like, this is it? I got three to six. So she put off going to the doctor, put off going to the hospital. Turned up at the hospital. She's like, I just feel really sick. I'm so sick. They scan, scan, scan, they find in her body and eight month, thirty four week baby.

So I have some I've got some question, yeah about that? Like I've got a foot firmly planted in my blooder currently as we speak, yes, constantly. And I watched a foot drag across my stomach this morning.

Yes, where does how? And even if you don't see it, I used to love watching my belly move. Was amazing. Even if you can't see it, you can feel that funny little motion. No, And it's because all bodies are different, and all babies are different, and you just don't know what you're going to get. So this woman had finished her family. They didn't have a single thing at home. They were not having a baby. She had three weeks, oh God, to remember and get her head right to

She's a smart intelligendent.

Yeah, she got obsessed with this man and his new girlfriend. She drove through the night across America to confront this woman, and she was so hell bent. This is the element I can't stop thinking about. When she was finally intercepted, she was wearing an happy because she was so focused on getting She was so focused on.

I'm just getting a real visual on that.

Sorry. She's so focused on getting to where she had to go to do something diabolical, no doubt, But that's by the bike. It's nothing important. She had the presence of mind before she pulled out of her driveway to pop on a nappy. To pop on a nappy, because lord knows, you can't stop for the toilet, and I have never forgotten it. It pops into my head at least once a week.

To say that, okay, love all right?

Wow. I mean I get that too, because my brain is such that if I think of any diversion from the task at hand, I'm gone. That doesn't get done. Oh look, shiny thing. So I get it. Maybe that's why he lives in my head.

That's a story. Good for you, dar is.

That now you're going to think about Stuffy.

That's with me forever. So so, lady in the thank you.

I've got to write a note to send you links I've got to people that have had babies and didn't know please do. I love that we share that obsession. And also the link to the story about the woman driving cross country and.

She's not wrong, I don't. She wasn't that silly.

There's because it is annoying when you've got to stop to do it three times on the way here. Absolutely, and you've got a small child already, you've got to stop down all the time. I mean, the snack hunting and providing alone is a lot, it really is.

That's true.

I want to talk about addiction because it's a very It's a super fascinating topic, and you've been really open about it, which I think is excellent because the less shame there is about human being doing human being things, the better people that have not been on freeware television in the early two thousands.

Was a time.

Yeah, I mean they couldn't they can't grasp I'm going to use the word catastrophic, the catastrophic effect that that has on a normal person anybody. I think, yes, And that happened to you, what was happening in your head and in your life that at that time you went, I need to escape over here.

So escaping didn't start for me then in the idle world, I'd already been trying to escape who I was, what I was, what I felt, and why. You know what it's it's the million dollar question. And I often say, like on paper, as a child, I don't have anything in my history that suggests like I didn't grow up in an abusive home. Both of my parents are together,

Do you think you were born with it? I mean, like, yeah, that's the biggest lesson that I've had from having kids. I feel like a lot of the stuff that we have and have to deal with is like in the software, in the hardware.

I mean, for me, yes, I think addiction is a part of me. I think I was born with it. My brain is wired slightly different, and I just deal with life a bit differently to in normal everyday person.

And I think, just listening to you now, the messages from society are really influential, and I'm thinking of little Kate going. I feel weird, I feel doom, I feel all of this stuff, but society is telling me that I shouldn't. I come from a great background, everything's good. The conclusion is that there's something wrong with me.

Well, yes, yes, so there is that, Like there's no you know, that stereotypical thing that you think would happen to a small child or a kid growing up that would lead them down the past that I didn't. However, society also helped confirm all that messaging for me that

Remember that too, and you just want to disappear. Yeah, just like, oh cu't this is awful.

It's my body. And actually what I'm doing has nothing to do with the size of my ass in a pair of jeans.

Oh my god, that's my quiet.

Actually, it's got nothing to do with that. I'm a singer, I'm not a model.

It's got nothing to do with it, zero. And it's got nothing to do with who I am inside. It always felt like that, but.

Especially I guess in those early two thousands on that you know, public level like heroin Chic was the vibe. Yeah, that was what we as a society considered to be beautiful. Yes, and so that's what I believed that I needed to be to be loved and acceptable. And I stepped into a world where that was, you know, hammered down on me a lot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Tell us about how your reliance on getting your good feelings from an outside source spiraled out of control in a.

Food was actually the first thing that soothed me as a young girl, and that I guess as I got at the age of five, I was already doing that. You know, I was eating food in secret. I was doing it in a weird, shameful, strange way, but it

It makes so much sense.

It gave me all of the things that I've been searching for my whole, big, large nineteen years of living. Yeah, was there in one moment and it just solved all my issues until it didn't.

Yeah, were you open about it or was that also a secret? Is everything that well, I'm eating everything a secret?

Initially within the people that I was doing it with, it was, you know, you would have seen it over the years. That can be a lone of cocaine is like, here, have a beer, you have a line of cocaine. You know what I mean. In that time, it was such an acceptable thing. I didn't run home and tell my parents I'd just done cocaine, as yes, what I did? Hey, mom, found the answer solution, sus No, I didn't do that. But you know, within the people, I felt really cool

Yeah, I've got a very addictive personality. Everything you've said resonates with me.

But I'd get addicted to that window if I thought it'd give something to me.

Correct And you know, I think I'm addicted to work. I think you know, I can't do anything like a normal person. I can't. If there's a pen I like, I need thirty of them. If his do you know what I mean? If I see a plate on sale and I like it and I think it's going to make my life better and it's the answer to everything, I will search for forty So I get that. I

We can't do it. Grateful for you to know that, having that knowing.

Is it is a miracle to me. I know so. And cocaine is kind of cool.

Sounds cool bit a cocaine and some champagne. Though, like I said, yeah, it's you know, it's a again I don't want to glorify it, but it's a it's a vibe.

It sounds exciting, absolutely, and every time I hear, you know, people going, oh, you know, I just did a few lines of cocal whatever. I've had parties where people have done coke in my bathroom and by default, I'm like, wow, this is cocaine in my house. Do you know what I mean? Like, I still think it's kind of the benchmark of cool because it's expensive and blah blah blah. And you know, I've seen seventies movies where everyone's doing cocaine,

Look, addiction is a progression. It's a progressive disease, and I do consider it to be a disease, and you know, there is no known cure, but it can be arrested and managed. And it was just the progression of the disease for me, you know, I would start with people that would use and look, from the first time, I didn't never understood people who could have two lines, go home, go to bed, get up, and go that. I still don't comprehend that people go, oh, yeah, I brought a

And it's interesting there when you said, as your addiction progressed, you had to change your life to suit the next drug. Yeah, And as you went down the line in terms of I guess, cost and availability, the people that you had to have in your life to facilitate that were probably not your people.

No, they're not the people that you would imagine, you know, that young girl from Australian idol with the blonde hair and the blue eyes and the world at defeat. She wasn't meant to be there. But the interesting thing to me, and look, there's exceptions to all rules. And I believe some people though maybe just born a bit shit and a bit bad. And I don't like to say that, but majority of people I met on that journey were just people like me who were hurting, running from something

You how sometimes when you're alone, and you particularly when you're because you're clear of addiction for six seven years, coming upside that, yeah, well done, far out? Do you get like thought bubbles in your head and you go, oh god, ware did they come from? And oh my god? I did that? Is there a situation that you were in that blows your mind that it had come to that?

Well, that's I've never been asked it like that before. Yes, like that's there was a three year I was addicted to drugs. I was in active drug addiction, if I'm going to say about fourteen years, but the last three to four years were probably the most traumatic and the most impactful for my long term you know life. Yes, And I guess those last three four years, i'd become

Extraordinary, Kate, isn't it?

It's wild? And it's like this person sitting in this body right now, I could not steal a Fredo frog from the Servo, couldn't. Like, I just couldn't even fathom that.

It becomes who you are. Actually, it's your most defining feature, is the addiction.

Yeah, well, it's just nothing else mattered and the pain. And I guess it's really hard to explain this. And there's always some people that go, well, that's just disgusting on whatever, And to those people, fair enough for thinking that way. But you know, in that moment, the pain and the shame and the fear of not using or getting another fix is way more painful than the idea of stopping, the idea of keep going. Yeah, what I mean.

So it.

Just wasn't an option at that point.

It's your focus.

It's my life, like my disease is often running before my eyes are open, you know what I mean, And I would go to bed, maybe not in the end, because I leaned into the idea that this is my life, this is who I was going to be, and I'm going to die, you know, going to die an addict, and that was going to be the end of me. But for many years I would swear to God on everything that was important to me and meant it with

So what happened to change it?

There's lots of things that most people would assume that would have been enough, you know, headlines, riding off cars, losing homes, jobs, all of that really dramatic outward stuff that would have been like, that's probably enough for you to pull up cake.

It just feels like a wake up court.

You should probably have a look at that.

It wasn't to it.

It was a really it was a really private personal moment. I was on my bathroom floor. I was in a really abusive, violent relationship at the time. Couldn't use the drugs that I wanted to use the way that I wanted to use them.

And I just caught myself in the mirror, and what do you mean you couldn't use the drugs in the way that you wanted to use them.

I don't want to glorify drug use, so I won't. I won't use it like I just the way that I used drugs by that point, you know, was I used intravenously. That's the sorts of it. So I couldn't. My body was letting me down in that way, and I couldn't do it. Yeah, it just wouldn't. My body wouldn't work. So I yeah, I saw myself in the mirror and I just didn't know who it was.

So at that point, did you go, what happens? Where do I go next? Well?

I knew where to go next because I had done many many rehabs over the fourteen years, so I knew where I had to go. But for the first time in my fourteen years, I knew I had to go for me, And it was the first time I'd ever reached out and made the call. Every other time someone had dragged me there, I'd go on to save a relationship because I wanted to make my mum feel better, or whenever it was. Was the first time I went, Kate, if you don't change, like soon, you're going to die.

I have heard that I've got some friends that are dealing with addiction themselves, and I have friends who have children who are dealing with addiction, and they have all said, particularly the parents of kids that are dealing with addiction, my heart.

Goes out to any member loved one, excuse me, that is dealing with somebody they loving addiction. Watching what it did to my family is out of all the shit things I did. Yeah, that's the hardest thing I've had to come back from. Yeah.

And the hardest thing I think is to watch somebody that you love and that in every cell of your being you you feel responsible for, You're deeply dedicated to the comfort of that person, and then the juxtaposition against a person with an addiction cannot change it until they have that moment that you experienced in the mina are where you do it for yourself. It's the only way. And sometimes that never comes.

And I hate saying that, and I get a lot of people reaching out to me on social media and all different platforms and mainly families saying, Kate, how do I fix this? And I hate writing it. I hate sending it back, going oh, it pains me to hear that you're in this, but you can't. You can't, you cannot fix it. The only person that can fix it is that person what you can do.

And you hope that they can stay alive until that moment arrives.

And that's spot on, Chrissy, and you just pray that they keep their feet on the floor and that moment comes for them in time. But the only thing, and is what I tell everybody, The only thing you can do is go out and get as educated as you can and get as much support as you can for you so if that and when that moment comes, that you can be the best version of yourself and know how to manage that time when it comes around. Because most people love and enabling look very very similar. Yeah,

Whatever i'd call How important was it that you could do that?

Well, it was important. Yes, it was important for me to know that they would always be there, But it wasn't important for them to rescue me when I didn't really need to be rescued, because calling to say can you pay my drug debt? Is not something I really needed. But calling and saying, Mum, I need to go to rehab and knowing that they loved me and that when I was ready they were there to give me the right kind of support was important.

But what would have happened if you'd called and said, Mum, can you pay my drug debt? And she said, no, that's not the support I'm going to give you.

That's hard to hear, yes, and she it took her a long time to be able to do that, but she did in the end, And I guess that was the catalyst for the wheels to start to turn a little bit differently because I knew that, you know, there wasn't somebody out there to rescue me. So yeah, it's hard, and I'm not saying it's easy. And there's lots of places and I'm happy to put the links in the bio or whatever it is about that. You know, there's lots of places that you can go to get your

Yes, yep, you have a podcast that talks about all of this stuff and more. Let's give that a plug.

Yeah, I've got a look. I shared my story on a podcast last year, which was really beautiful and really important to me to get a little bit of my power back and the respect.

And also, shame is the shadow. It's a killer where everything bad grows. So the more you talk about it, the less shame there is.

Absolutely And look, you know, I made a fairly big public mess of myself and my name's still pretty muddy in a lot of areas, and that's a part of my healing and amends to the world and know I've got to fix that one brick at a time. But yeah, look, so I shared my story. It was amazing and just the people that suggest said that they felt really seen and heard, really meant a lot to me.

Correct.

So we came back for a season two and we just talked to people that have been through any kind of adversity whatever that is. Everybody's hard is their hard, yes, and I've taken the brave step to change, Yeah, and how they found a better way to live.

How do we find your podcast if we want to add it to our playlist?

We're on Spotify and Apple podcasts and you can find me on all the major and it is called why Do I Feel This Way?

Why Do I Feel this Way?

Yeah?

I want to move on to another topic. Okay, I've always said that you are John Farnham. You are the female John Farnham. You look like him when you see your mannerisms are the same. You have that same belting voice. Am I crazy for thinking this?

This is the biggest compliment anyone has ever given me my life?

Can you see it? I? You know what?

My dad would be so happy to hear you so that. He's been trying to tell me that for years. And I don't think anybody's like John Farnam, but if I could be like one person in this world, I think he is one of, if not the best male singer on this planet. And I'm honored to even be put in the same lane as that.

But can you see it? I don't know.

I want to say, maybe our mannerisms maybe are down to earth Ossie, just like you know, say it like it is attitude. Yes, I guess I can maybe see that. What is your favorite John Farnham saying, I'm not gonna lie, how to John Farnum party on the I've heard the.

Song the best kind of Party.

It was a good party, and I hadn't listened for a while. I was like, yes, there's just so many bangers, I know, one after the other. I love them all, and look there's the main ones. But my favorite one is probably That's Freedom. That's Freedom.

That's a song of the heart, Risten the Wind, Laddin the Dark. Yeah, what a song? Really?

I played that on repeat for a couple of minutes there this morning. But I actually love a song of his called simple Life.

I love simple and I I.

Used to sit in my not so happy, sad days and just listen to that song on repeat. And you know, and I listened to it now in a different way because I did. I found all my way back. So I used to listen to the lyrics to that song.

I'm gonna write that down and add it to my playlist because that is a wonderful song and I'd forgotten it.

Just one of his beautiful, simple songs. But the lyrics in it are stunning.

Why does everything he say? I believe everything he's the lyrics. He's just the most incredible human. And I was lucky enough to cross paths with Vannetta Fields.

I don't know if.

Of course I know Vanetta Field.

So she has she's like my other mother.

Well, anybody listening, if you've ever seen John fann And perform live in the eighties and nineties, the backup singers were Vanetta Fields and Lisa Edwards and Lindsay Field and Vanetta. I saw Lindsay last week getting a key cut at the same place I was. He's such a gentleman and I was so starstruck. I didn't even incodowledge him. He's the beautiful bless his heart.

He's still got that same bun too.

Looks like time has stood still.

Nothing has changed. So Vanetta was a big part of my life. And you know she now lives around the corner for me, and you know I look after her and we hang out and all that kind of stuff.

So magic.

Yeah, So I I just got carried away with Lindsay Field. Then I've lost my child. John is my idol as far as music, and I always has.

Been my favorite John Farnham song. Not that you ask, but I want to share. I want to know is one.

One is the low oh back all the way back there?

Yes, two could bees Butter's one. It's the loneliest number since the number one. Yes, I just love it.

There's not a John Farnham song that I don't love, even the Human Nature one. I was getting down to that this morning.

Yes, And do you remember chain Reaction that came out? And that was a different.

React like his country vibe.

It was a different vibe. And I think that Dave Stewart from your Rhythmics is behind that.

Do I believe that?

I think so pressure all of them, pressure down, pressure down, burn Oh.

Lift it Up by Angel hair, it else. No one of this I know, and I'm really sad about that.

We need to facilitate.

I need to meet him somewhere in my life. It's a bucket list for me.

Is well, meeting you was on my bucket list. And I'm so thrilled that you that you came and that we got to chat. And I want to say good luck for your second baby. Oh thank you coming any minute soon. And I want to ask you, how are you going with the pregnancy. Well, you want.

Me to be honest, yes, sometimes I feel like this is are pregnancy that I'm grateful and I'm beautiful, and look I am, and I'm very grateful that pregnancy both times has not been And I know there's a lot of mumas out there that struggle with you know, infertility and trying to get pregnant. So I don't want to take that away from anyone. But I've struggled this time. Have you struggled with my body? I've struggled with my mental health a little bit, and that's okay.

And second baby is a different beast than the first one, because you'll and let me two having three the third is you know, another level that.

I won't be there to find that one because you're you're already stacked emotionally and physically with things, and to be physically out of the game is harder.

It is, it's a different it's a different kettle of fish. And I really battled with myself in the beginning because I felt this push to be like, I'm a bit of an emotional gangster. You've done all this work, you know, I'm untouchable, and I really was like, I can't tell anyone that this is I'm struggling. This is hard, And then I went, no, that's that's not fair, because it's actually okay to not be okay. And I think it's really normal to feel a bit defeated in the second round.

So that's where I am.

You know, I've done all the steps that I've learned along the way to take care of my mental health, which I'm really grateful for that. I know those things.

What's a mantra that works for you? And that's what will end on. We've talked about every day a new adventure. You know, at the moment, I'm a bit just do the next best thing, the next thing. So my kind of mindset is very dynamic and every day is different and I go with that. What is yours?

What's the best lesson I've learned in the last seven years of my life is that nothing is permanent. Yeah, nothing, nothing, the good, the bad, all the places in between. Everything moves and shifts, and whatever I'm in right now, no matter how hard it feels, it'll move, yeah, and it'll change and the next thing will come along. And that has got me through some really tough times and that's just how I live. I'm uncomfortable this feeling. Feeling has never killed me. I thought a few would, but a

Surrender is an important thing to learn and acceptance. Thank you, Kate, Thank you the best.