The ChrissieCast: Jane Hall and Chrissie get weighed down with a weighted vest

Jane Holl I've got so much show and Share for you today, wait for this.

But can I also say, welcome to the podcast Harry Butler in the wild. What do you mean, Harry Butler in the world? Is this the Robert Irwin kind of Khaki?

I bought it from Europe. I bought it in Europe.

For how many years am I going to have to put up with you saying things like I bought it?

Well, not many, because this was just a T shirt and it was essential because I ruined a few T shirts I brought from home because washing machines, you.

Know, when you don't know the washing machine, yes, it can be an issue. And the European waters much mare, I know that's rash. Now what am I?

Okay?

First things first, I did say show and Share. Yes, it was show and tell when we were little.

It absolutely was. It's been taken.

Out come show and Share, and it's political madness, god crazy, I mean political correctness?

God mad?

Is it? Because you're not supposed to tell people anything anymore?

I think that covers off kids that don't want to speak, and I've got a couple of them, so I understand.

Speaking of show and Share, Okay.

So if the kid doesn't want to speak and it's just a share situation, do they just get up and go Yes, that's it. Yeah, well that's a very exciting. I don't want to I want to hear the story behind it.

I can imagine you did you love show and Tell? Did? I?

Was it my time to shine? Indeed? It was did you have Q card? Absolutely? I had an index of notes ready to go on whatever it was that I was presenting to the class.

You know my middle sister, because I came along very late. Basically I've got a completely different history to the.

Rest of my family, and I.

Was completely serendipity my dad an unexpected surprise. But my sister had the best Show and Tell Livy. Yeah it was me.

Oh, of course a baby doll.

So she was in maybe grade three and she just rolled up to school that day going I got this, Oh you've got smurfs? Have you you got a doll that wheeze in its own toilet? Fine, look at what I've got, And it was me.

You were a beautiful baby too.

I have a lot of show and share for you, though, because last time we caught up you did mention the magic word Temu, and yes, I.

Just want to take you through the pitfalls.

Okay, yea yeah, yeah, and.

The extraordinary delight.

Okay, But I just let's take it back a step, sure, because I didn't even understand that existed. I'd heard the word out about and in the zeitgeist. You know, you know people were team mooing all over the shop.

Yeah, well you're either team or team sheen or shine or whatever.

It's called sheen. Yeah. I don't know anything about any of that.

And also I just want to give you a disclaimer while you're making up your mind. People do not like Temu. It's a controversial choice.

Has it been canceled?

Well, because it's all very cheap and you've got to wonder, oh how things are so cheap?

Okay? Because I my head was turned by a number of solar lights that you've got downstairs, which actually looked quite high quality. And now I said to you, these are fantastic. What are these? And I got one word, TEAMU correct, So talk me through it, all right. So I just wanted to put together a set of pitfalls and win. It's the good, the bad, and the ugly, all right,

So let's do the good first.

Lovely, I'm wearing a skirt from now that is extraordinary, not only because it is from Timu obviously, but I haven't seen you wear a skirt the entire time I've known you. Yes, really, I'm quite serious. You're sporting a natty little well it's a long line.

Do you remember those mornings with Burnton They have like a.

Little catwalk show and then someone would narrat it and this walking around going okay, So.

What we have here from Timuru is a lovely dark denim longline skirts, got your buttons down the front, burt and it's got everything that you could possibly need as far as easy access. And what I love about this is the way spand is really comfortable and it tucks you behind in right where it needs to go, and your legs look look at look at that flexibility. You could ride a bike in that thing, could you though?

How much Moira?

And for the great price of thirty nine ninety nine.

Try thirteen thirty four? Who that's right? Wow, that's right.

So this is a combination of our budget, our budget busting bitties and TEAMU Yes. Wow, okay, wow, so that's the good. So that obviously arrived and you went, wow, nailed this. Nud it?

Yeah, nad it. Yeah, this is so good. Bad and ugly, right, so good?

This is bad.

Okay. I just had a dream that we just love yellow, don't you.

I do love yellow.

I'm having a yellow moment, and I thought, wouldn't it be nice to just have something in the boot of the rav four? Yeah, you know, when the weather gets it's better, and you know I can sit in the park.

Oh and you know watch peg Kicker footy.

You're never going to do that number one.

And also it's not really water proof.

No, that looks like a tablecloth from a party supplies place that is designed for your one usage.

Yeah.

Yeah, so that's a bad that's awful.

I'm trying to think of something I could use it for and I've come up with it's a nice little cover for the bunnies, for my darling bunny.

I was going to suggest the yes, that's okay, so I will keep it. It's right, And how much you pay? Sit your back?

Six bucks?

Maybe okay?

Now here's for the ugly.

And also what drugs was I on when I if this arrived and I went at a I don't remember putting it in the cart.

I double checked, I did.

You did?

I had a vague memory of it. I don't remember putting you in the cart. And then if I did put it in the cart.

Why okay? Why what's it a deliri? It's a roll of paper towels? Why you just get handy ultras or whatever? You know what I mean? What I just thought.

It had a picture of All I can say is that maybe I thought they would be cuter than they were.

I've warned you about novelty items of any designer. That's ridiculous. Way, I mean, you don't want to be opening it with your mouth. You literally don't know where it's come from. No, but it's not even pretty.

No, and they're look they're thin?

Oh is that it? Are they facial wipes or it's it's listen, that's not even absorbent. What that's water repellent is? What that is? What does it say?

The flamingo is cute?

No, it's not pink. It's like your bad orange pink. It doesn't count. It's got some writing on it. What does it say that me my glasses on? Oh? It says ran yang ran yang. Okay, well that's handy. No dan yang, oh dan yang even better. Anyway, every kitchen needs blow your nose on its sweetheart and see if it soaks up. That's not so it's hit and miss, but the hints are good and the misses won't cost

Absolutely?

Okay, the bilbies are warming up as we speak.

I'll give you a few search terms. Oh okay, Actually, what is something that you really want? And then we can check in next time you have a podcast? What is something I want? Those table lamps?

Okay?

So what would you put in rechargeable? Rechargeable recharge Yes, but then will you get all sorts of other like crazy things that you don't want that to rechargeable?

If you're lucky.

All right, Let's move on to Hall's hacks. It's one of my favorite segments that we do together. Last time, we talked about your craft hack to bring instant gratification and enjoy to your life and excellent mental health, which I think we all want.

Yes, I ask.

Me how many times I've got out the crochet hook since we spoke last.

Exactly zero. It's not for me.

Why don't you just take a leaf out of my book for once and do something that I suggest? Just one thing.

I made a great beef.

Oh that's good. Did you poison anyone? No? I didn't. It wasn't beef Wellington.

No, no, it wasn't beef Wellington. I'm what have you got?

I'm going to start off with a sad story, because you know I am a penniless waif. Yes, I do know that. I thought there's a thing that's sort of well documented. When you don't have a lot of money, you go and buy yourself a little item like a lipstick, right, and it makes you. It brings you joy because you've purchased something pretty. You can go in your face, all right, it's the endorphins. So I found myself in Mecca, and I thought I had a little, lovely little lipstick once

I love that shape.

I love that shade amore, it's called I love it.

Oh, and the girl that Mecca couldn't give a shit about your story, especially not.

When they're dealing with someone over fifty. They don't want us in their shop.

But also who cares? God, it must be hard to work in sales.

Well it must be. But anyway, so she hands it. I hand it to her and say thanks. She goes, would you like a box? No? No, no, it's fine. That'll be seventy.

Dollars for a lipstick.

I want to show you like, this is not made of gold dust, do you understand? Don't wind it up? All right? Be careful, be careful, it.

Might just have that looks like Murphy's Peanuts too. By the way, it's going to really change things up when you let next put it on.

That's terrific.

That's just something I can't get at mine now. But anyway, that's got to last me approximately twenty seven years.

Oh, as my grand would say, that'll see you out, That will.

Send me out. They'll carry me out in the box with that lipstick on my lips. Absolutely, I thought, no, no more of this spending money. So the next time, seventy dollars for lipstick, nearly crazy. There were hot tears and then.

It's too late.

I was too embarrassed, yeah, to say, actually I won't have that. Actually I feel like crying even now thinking about it. Seventy I had to go, no problem, did the card. Thank goodness the card worked. Of course I couldn't buy groceries for six weeks, but anyway, that's a nice.

Worth of frozen multi grain bread and sausages, so it's exactly right out.

I went straight into Kmart, where I found my new Hall's Hack, which is the scentered candle that does not give you an instant stress headache. Good, do not spend one hundred and fifty dollars on you dip teeks or whatever that is.

I'll be the judge of that because I'm very sensitive in the NASA, I know to cheap sense.

There is nothing synthetic about this, and I burn it at home. It's in a lovely glass bottle. Eight dollars. Give it to me now, well, I will, because it is a present for you, not the present last time. It was a hand knitted beam. Don't you say I do nothing for you? Now that it's okay? Isn't it fresh linen? Which I know is one of your very favorite things?

And this is one of my favorite things in the whole world.

So do not spend I saved myself about one hundred bucks with that purchase. That's eight dollars from km up.

Okay does t MB mean?

I'm not sure?

T is lemon and lime? M Oh my god.

These are the notes notes? Okay, note she came out. It's got a bit up itself finding it's top notes and middle notes and bass notes.

It's run away with something there, I grant you well.

The base notes are musk amber and sandalwood and nay are my face.

I don't normally like musket all, but I swear to you put that on downstairs. It'll cover up the smell of those disgusting bunny rabbits and Murphy's farts and your three teenagers. What about my farts though, oh might not work on your farts, going to trans them. It's got a big blue sticker on the sense fragrant candle fresh linen. Question, Jane Hall, you fancy bitch, which way do you have it facing out like this with the sticker out? No? I don't want anyone to realize I got it from

This everything's non sponn let me tell you.

Yeah, well we know that we can't get anyone to give any money once. Yes, God can all get fucked haha. So unlabeled right, this smells identical to my Aesop body wash. What that I used to own in ye olden days when when you were rich. When I want you to undo this now and get the nazzle into.

That, because I have a confession. And I know I'm not the only one. I have bought the ASoP hand wash. It is my favorite Aesop Aesop. However, you say that it is lovely? Yes, it's my favorite. And I went to treat myself forty seven dollars.

No, you're not doing that. I could not do it. Jane that may You've got to draw the line. I couldn't do it and is nine dollars.

Wow.

Well, I have been known to refill my origin someone for the last fifteen years.

Darling, you can refill it with that, as far as I'm concerned. Have a smell. Isn't it lovely? Isn't it shade? I'm not expensively familiar.

Can I tell you I have lost count of the amount of Google searches I've done. Hand wash, good hand wash, good body wash.

I give you the unlabeled galeranium, Jack gingeranium.

What supermarket? Any of them?

Your wullies? Eight dollars. I know. I just was loving myself sick after the lipstick incident which made me lose the will to live. I have redeemed myself with these two holes hacks.

I am going to add to thee Now have you heard of the Brandon Lenes very posh. It's from Mecca or you know, no, it is from Mecca or maybe another one. So for uself, somewhere somewhere that we can't go, Yes, somewhere that the minute we approach a big get smart.

Style door comes up says get out. You've got no money. That's right.

I give you Lano lips ointment. They also do a sleep treatment.

Oh I'd love that. Does it have your magnesia minute?

Because not for the lips. No, I've tried everything. This is the best. I'm giving that to you, and I'm going to scooch upstairs before you go and get you the sleep treatment.

Okay, thank you. Hang on.

Secondly, okay, great this have you heard of this? It is? And also that's like nine dollars, not sixty dollars.

I love it how it's called the one oh one ointment like ointment one o one. That's all you need.

It's the best.

I love that.

It is the best.

Thank you.

But can I just ask if you used this already? I just used it then when you were talking. Okay, so it's a used gift.

Well not really. I just put someone so that you could go, Oh, I see it it's great. I do see it is great.

Then have you heard of this kind collective miracle glow skin serum. I mean this sounds like an advertorial now, but we never see each other unless it's in this studio.

We've got to share this stuff. Occasionally. We will send each other random text messages of just like a product.

I'm still not over that handhh okay, so this is I've got it on now.

Yeah, and you look beautiful and glowey. And it's just that.

I will get you tips on how to put it on. It is cheap as chips. It is the best thing. Sometimes I just have that on my skin.

Does it have any sort of coverage?

No, it's what you do is you drop a bit on your pointy bits, oh yeah, and then you just brush it.

I brush it in.

I've made up for the application. But it is fabulous. Use this one. And if it's not your color, don't worry. I've got another one upstairs. All right, Oh my, thanks to you.

And I love how it's called kind collective. We've been very kind today.

Yes, I can't wait for you to try.

You're gonna love it like you.

All right now?

As you know, I am mad on decluttering. I find that.

Oh, let's face it, that's only been a recent occurrence.

I've been doing it on and off, mainly on for two.

Years, so I know. But that's how much clutter you had. If you just lived, if you just lived a simpler life and a more organized life, which I have tried to tell you to do you have for decades, maybe you would be in this situation.

Well, I am almost out of it. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've got one more hard rubbish collection in you. It's being put together right now, and it's booked for two weeks.

There's body bags out the front of the house. Is that God? All crap in it? That needs to go?

All of it, all of it. It's the last one.

Wow, congratulations, And I really think that's it. You must admit when you walked into my house today you went, oh, it feels clearer.

Yeah I did, I said, it feels less chaotic. There are a number of sore. The way you're doing this is perplexing to me. Everything involves tubs, yes, plastic tubs.

Yes, there's plastic tubs everywhere everywhere.

They're lined up along walls, they're in the kids' bedrooms. There's even one in the toilet.

It's because if I can't see it, it doesn't exist. And it took me a while to work that out. Okay, but now I know that, and I'm forcing it onto my children too, because I feel like if you grew inside me, then maybe you will be that as well.

Because all their rooms now have big tubs in them. It's fantastic. And they do owe us there fucking lie, yes, yeah, they do.

The problem I've had over the years, and I realized this just.

The one problem you've come.

To oh many many, Oh God, Jane, so many.

No. Does it keep you do wake up at three o'clock in the morning going yes, I screwed that.

Up as well. Well, No, because I don't believe in regrets. I do regret not moving to Europe when I was twenty two, Yeah, and staying there forever ship sailed. I should have done that. It's the only thing I regret. Then I wouldn't have all these I wouldn't know you you know what I mean.

You can't. You can't regret anything.

What I realized with the decluttering is that I had a block because I wanted everything out but some things were really too good to let go. And even though I knew that I didn't want that thing, it felt wrong to throw it away start it.

Yeah, and then I didn't know anyone I could give it to, right.

So then I would just hang on to it.

Yeah.

Love that I've got the solution. Oh, I'm having an online.

Oh I love this idea, do you? Yes? I love it. I believe you. And I tried it on radio back in the day, did we at some point? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it did. Anyway, that's by the bye. And there's another thing we won't regrets.

It has solved my issue with letting things go. So now I've got tubs that are rubbish tubs for the online garage sale.

Yeah, okay, so you haven't launched it yet. No, I'm still collecting. But I feel so good about it.

And I've brought you a few little examples of the greatest hits that you'll be able to see that fit the description of can't throw it away. Someone's gonna want it, yes, but it's not me. Okay, great.

For example, Well, here's a here's here's an example.

Okay, cheesels socks still in the packet, size seven to twelve. I can't throw them out.

I don't. I can't throw them out. Look, I could easily throw those out there so ugly. Somebody will want them. Yeah, but do you do you it's a community service for you not to pass that crap onto someone. Come on, Cheesels are a great snap. Cheesels are great in my mouth, not on my feet. Sorry, they're dead to me. No really, yep, they will sell everything's like two bucks, three bucks. Let's make a mental note to check out after the online garage.

Say to see you've paid what for the cheesels socks? Okay, what are you going to say? They're going to go forwards?

You guess fifty cents?

Okay, well that's good. And then I've got this.

Came with another one too. Oh that's darling. That and there was another they're cleaning, like I know what it's a dishbrush. If the other one was the other one a short one with shorthandle with bristles like a note.

It had like a U shaped bristle.

What's that used to clean? I don't know, but you know why.

I mean, these are beautiful.

I think that's lovely one. They're French because they're too good and oh yeah, and it.

Just seems wasteful for me to have them on my sink and have coffee grounds and weird pastor on them. That's really beautiful. Someone, Yeah, someone's gonna will love you. And it's the set of two. They've got to go to a better home than mine.

Might even be me that buys them. And then really, then we have historical artifacts.

I give to you.

Is that justin.

I would recognize that plucked eye bra anywhere. It is a big Brother shot glass.

That's right, and you've no need for a shot glass.

No, but it still has the price the TAZ tag on it from the dream World gift store.

And pray, tell what did it set you back in the day.

Five ninety five.

Well, that is no cheap shot glass.

No, that's about seventeen thousand dollars in today's currency.

Hopefully you'll get your money back on that, although I severely doubt it.

So that is the sorts of things that I have no use for, but someone will love. I'm sure that's great.

I wish you well. I know that the more gets you in trouble. I don't know that the online garage sale is going to definitely dig you out of that necessary hole. But you've got to start somewhere.

Well, Elton John did one recently and proceeds went to charity, and I'm going to do the same thing.

I just want this gone.

Oh that's lovely, all right. I don't know that anyone's going to be bidding on that as they did for Sir Elton's stuff.

I mean, no, Look, you could have a big Brother shot glass and a pair of cheesel socks or Dolly Parton's costume that she wore in the Joline film clip.

But the choice is yours.

I mean swings and roundabouts, my friends. Now, I want to play around of how very dare you? With you?

And this is where we recount stories of people that have said very rude things to us, and we've wanted to say how.

Very And it takes the breath out of your lungs. Feel true, you of oxygen absolutely, and the only thing you can think of is how very dare you? How very dare you? Do you have to do? You have one that you wish to go first with, I'd like you to go first. Oh okay, so this is a personal how very do you? Menopauses all the rage, and I'm tired of it as well. But anyway, I wanted to look into the fact that I hadn't had any

I know you can't believe it.

I cannot believe it.

You are ancient, I know, yet with the inner workings of a teenager.

Yeah, incredible. God, it's been several decades since my last mensis. If you will, Mensis, welcome to the show.

Oh you know, Peg is doing sex education in school and assigning.

Deeply immature and inappropriate. Oh.

She comes home, She's like, oh, we have sex he today. Go tell me everything. Did she get sent out? Would you get have you been said I prayed from your friends?

Yet?

She's like, no, they she's a lot more sensible than I am. I mean everybody is. But she's like, oh, the teachers preface every class with now girls, this is not funny.

This is just so you know, this is not funny.

And we were walking at the time, and I go, Peg, sorry, beg to differ. It is the funniest thing that ever happens in school year. Anyway, keep going, so mincis so I go to the doctor and I ask about HRT and she said, I'm sorry that ship has sailed.

It's been too long. You've been too long without it. We can't give it to you. That's good, I think, so, wouldn't you. She said, let's send you off for a bone scan because you had such early menopause.

What year was it? How old were you?

Fourteen?

No?

No, I was about forty four.

That is early.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I think, come on, ridiculous. So fit and healthy as an ox, strong as an ox. Turns out not, went for the bone scan, came back and to my great horror, I have what's called osteopenia. I knew you would love because of the penia.

Yes, it sounds like penis.

Not penis, not osteopenis. What is?

It's your precursor.

Sounds like a sting movie, if only it were. It's your precursor to your much more serious osteoporosis.

Bones like talk, I could snap like a twig at any point.

Do you do any resistance training?

Not a jot? Well, then you should no wonder that these femurs are as weak as a kitten. So now I am showering down the dairy I am wandering around waving one kilo hand weights everywhere. That is good.

You know that I've got the strap on one.

I bet you have. Have you have you seen them? Great?

Because it's incidental.

I'll take you one step further than that. Guess what I bought from big w ankle weights? No, no, smart ass. They're good for when you just want to end it. You can just pin drop, just jump into the he never come out again. Thanks for the tip. That's going to be next week. No. I bought a weighted vest.

For what of what your face when you delive in the words waited? It's great, I'm sure it is for your excitement is so funny.

You're not wearing it now obviously you were because a Caen Twitter. Thanks with us. It's I'm like this, I'm walking along because I found out afterwards you're only supposed to start with the weighted vest. That's ten percent of your body weight. I weigh one hundred cain gees and you've got hal fit, struggling a lot tied. That is essentially for someone double.

Us joking give me myself.

Basically a holier. We've carried it around. What do you say to your class what do you say to yourself when you think of your fevers?

Do you do?

You find a nearby park bench and just go absolutely huffing and puffing up? You take raft? How do you take half of it out? Ships up? And you slip the weights in, slip the weights in, Jane, So I've gone the whole hog, because that's what I tend to do. Get osteopenia, fix it immediately. That's not how it works. Well, you know, I, how very damn dare you have osteopenia? Now I can't stop laughing at the penis.

I that is an interesting story.

I know it is.

I inadvertently I carry too much weight too, But mine's like shopping and snacks for the kids, and mine's like thirty kilos, and I'll be huffing and puffing up the hill and I'm like, this is good for you.

That's no no, What that is is cardiac arrest waiting to happen. Mate, Okay, you can't put too much weight on too quickly.

I'll have to just go and minimize the purchasers. Osteopenia penia penius does sound like an old person's thing. But I can make you feel a bit better because twice in the last few months.

I have had a fall because now you.

Clearly haven't got osteopenia. Otherwise you would have broken a bone.

Oh yeah, no, no injuries, none, none, And they were both very serious. But I've now taken like if my kid falls over, she falls over.

But I'm of an age now where I don't fall over. I have a fall, have a fall, and you don't bounce back.

The first I did bounce back, though, no worries. I had a little bruise on my knee from the second one. So the first one, I slid down my front steps rushing out to get an uber EAT's delivery.

Sorry, but I love the thought of you falling over. It's hilarious.

And I was so nervous that the person would leave before I got the milk and the fruit, that I was on all fours, on all fours, going O coming, I have to fallen over.

I've just had a fall.

But I've just had a fool. I've just had a fall.

Anyway, I got I was still in my udi and yeah, anyway, got up. But the second one, it happened not that long ago, and I flew perpen to kill it. I don't know what the rush was. I was rushing from the outside inside. All three kids were in the living room just living their best lives. God, I'd love to be a teenager, just sit all day on my phone. The fuck that about? Jealous?

Anyway, I was in a rush also in Actually I think I was in my son's mine was Is it.

Not supposed to go at the front door? Swite? No, I was at the back and I was running.

I was running getting something and I was walking so fast. Anyway, before I went to Europe, I still haven't done anything about it. But I ordered an umbrella and it was on back order. I wanted to I wanted a bit of shade for summer. Anyways, on back order, it came through. I got it, came in its own little sheath. The handle, the cloth handle was so placed that as I was running inside, my foot caught the handle.

The skin style, I.

Flew through the air landed. I was winded. I made a sound like this.

All of a sudden, my two sons were at the window, going, Mum, are you okay, I'm going I can't breathe.

Someone dial trip Zerra, I'm okay, I'm okay. Leon in particular, is like, oh my god, MoMA, he thought I died. He was very dramatic, so I do to reassure him. I'm okay, okay.

Then I started to laugh and everything was okay. While I was still laying on the floor in my oody, I cracked my phone.

By the way, everything flew out of my hand. I said to.

Kit, take a PHONEO, I want to see how far from the umbrella I got. Wow, long Jumpstar should have been in the Olympics with that.

One I present to you, photographed my son.

I have not.

I have not been able to contain my excitement to share this with you.

Ignore these stickers. Okay, don't even mention the stick o CA, I'm not going to mention.

Please note on it the umbrella and the handle.

When I shown a peg, she said, you look like the Wicked Witch of the West when the house lands on Earth if she was wearing an audio But yes, and this you are at least I want to say, two and a half to three meters away from the the point of my head would be at least three or four Superman, my hands were out. Do you know you've got form for this event? I know. Do you remember the Camberwell Fruit and Vegetable incident. Yes, I do.

Where I showed my full osteopenis.

Every boodle because your skirt flew over your.

Hit slippery surfaces. But that one was a handle that jumped out at me.

They need to name an event after you.

It's impressive, isn't it.

It is so impressive, And I'm glad you're still with us. And if that had been me, I'd been fifty pieces by now, the famous wouldn't have stuck.

I had not one injury.

Take a photo.

And also, please notice I've got my son's udi on. It's the pizza one. It's my least favorite because it's red. It's jarring in my peripheral vision. I like the avocado one or the Gray Friends one. And then you notice here what.

Says that's your bumba in situ overdi? Yeah? What has your life come to? And I just want to thank my son. It truly is a member of your family who would dash out in a moment of great crisis and take the incriminate.

His mumma told him to.

He's only doing what I asked.

I want to talk to you about Booze. You know that I am I know still booze free.

It's stally four years. James are really incredible. Look, I shouldn't say it's incredible, like it's a feat of some sort of human endurance. And also I don't want to take any credit because it was so easy.

I know it's really hard.

I believe it's so easy. You've never looked back, have you know? I know it is so hard for some people.

And we have to preface it by saying it is a serious It is serious.

It's so hard for so many people. For some reason, it wasn't hard for me.

It's incredible, And I congratulate you and I salute you. I myself am not there yet, no, and you may not ever be, may not ever be. I've always enjoyed your savvy b and your honey soy chicken chips as an evening's entertainment.

Sure, I mean, you know it's better. Where do you stand on low alcoholic drinks?

Where do I begin? I've tried this, I've tried many, many different versions of it.

What is that difference in percentage?

It's half the ones that I've had have got half the amount of alcohol. Or I've also tried your zero alcohol wine. You may as well as you may as well as get a full bottle of Cottie's Cordial Yes and scullets straight from the bottle. Yes, that's what it tastes like. And there's just no joy in it. You know, people saying, haha, just replace my evening glass of wine. I get my wine gus out. Are you drinking for them?

I mean, come on, you drinking the buzz.

Yeah, you're drinking for the bars. So and I'm not advocating that that's what everyone has to do, but.

That's what everyone does, okay, But.

It's something that we don't talk about, you know, only I don't know, but.

That vices are truly underrated.

It is buzz free. I want to say, it's a buzz kill.

And you just got to drink double.

So that's what's happened. Instead of drinking like two and a half glasses of wine, I can chug back that bottle of your six percent Holcus and I feel like I'm sloshing around with liquid. And all I do is have to do twenty five wheas before I go to bed.

Yes, and double the weights in your weight vest.

Absolutely, because I've taken on that much sugar and I have tried across the board, many varieties, and I have seen one recently advertised on your internet, but I can't find it anywhere. So what's the point. I just get frustrated. I just go into Dan Murphy's and I think I'm going to be finding the blah blah, and then I can't find it. So I get the proper alcohol wine and then I just hate myself for the whole drive home.

Don't hate yourself.

I can't help it. I do because I look to you for inspiration and you've just been so incredible, and I just I can't do it. Yeah, but I keep everything in tubs.

Two.

You're not going to do that, certainly, I'm not. You're right. There's so many things that I'm not going to do that you do no, So I can just let that go.

You absolutely must let it go.

But I understand the appeal because when I did give up alcohol, we normally go, oh, what am I going to put in its place? Right? So I have I've got some that I've never ever opened.

This one's a tricky one because what does it look like?

Champ and.

A pink champennoase that is that's got no booze in it.

Got that, but you know what, just drink water. And then this one that's also Maggie beer has arranged to deny that.

Well, is it fair? Juice based? It?

I think it is just a another vehicle for her the juicex obsession.

Yes, because we've never really understood it. Have we? Should we open it and have a little sip? Why not? It's warm too, My favorite way to enjoy a bevera.

The one thing I do love about this is the most exciting part of any drink.

Is the pop.

And even oh okay, that's I haven't got a glass are We're just gonna we get a necket out of the bottle. That's delicious? Is it? Does it have alcohol in it? Oh? My god, I hope non alcoholic. All right, we'll give it to me. I'll be the judge of it.

That's delicious, and I've tried them all anyway. In the end, I just went now, if I want to have a drink, I'm gonna have a diet coke or a glass of water.

But that's delicious.

Have some.

This is not an ad by the way, for makey beer.

Yeah, okay, that's delicious. What it is to give you as it's apple ties the supermarket. Remember I used to love apple. That's what my parents, who were non drinkers, would get for special occasions when we had people coming over. Yes, in an alcoholic sparkling apple juice. I love Maggie, but that's what that is. I'm not drinking a whole bottle of that. There's just this. I'd rather eat a packet of lollies. They're upset it.

What are your favorite lollies? Do you know what I've discovered? The sour gummies?

Oh yeah, what are you twelve?

I think so? And now I only eat them and I keep them in the fridge. I'll so they're hard.

A score big acid or whatever it is that mate, that's going to burn the entire surface of your tongue off. If you keep doing that, and you're going to do you're going to get poos that are really zingy and you know really well, yeah, like you'll burn your anus as well.

I'll look forward to that. See what I've given it a fair nudge. Well, tell you what, and I haven't felt any.

Don't call me when I need a coldposcopy. No sorry, cold A colposcopy is in your vagina, So I meant to say colonoscopy. Yeah, I said, I wanted to say a coldposcopy? What is it? Koscopy is like you know in China. You know when you have a what's the bilbie doing? The bilbie's role playing is out and is going to perform a speculum? All right? God is shape shifting? You know when you do you have your cervical screen. Yes, if something comes back, that's a little bit dodge. They

Well, I would know more than others a colposcopy.

Colposcopy, I believe that's the case. But what I meant to say is, don't call me when you need a colonoscopy because of your sour gummies obsession. That's all going to end up in your gut, is it? I'd say, so them, God, you can't have any fun anymore, No, you can't. Case in point is in that bottle, in the Maggy Pierce bottle. There's no fun in that bottle.

That is delicious though, that is delicious.

Welcome to it.

Okay, Well, I'll keep it.

Speaking of cervical screens, also known as previously known as.

Smear, have you had one lately?

Did you know that you can do them yourself?

Now? Yes? Yes, so doesn't I'm not a huge fan.

Have you done it?

No? No, because all that does is so you're right, you get your little wand up the jacksie. It goes and then you have to crouch. They give you. No, it's better if you sort of lie down. And I don't want to get into this. This is not this is not for our lovely listeners. Anyway, you get it back, you seal it up. You've got to write the date on which you performed to the screen.

Just go and let someone dig around in there.

I think all it does is it looks for the HPV virus, all right, but it doesn't look for anything else that might be going on in there.

Now I'll go and you know, an out of body experience.

I mean, look, it's never pleasant, but it's just part of growing up, darling.

It is it is, we must do it. I want your opinion on something. What is your stance on this is dangerous events. I don't go to them.

And that's it for Jane. Hall on the crazy car.

Events, weddings, Hen's nights, twenty first, yeah, fiftieth, Yeah, sixtieth is probably what you're breathing down a barrel of.

Now, how very dare you even? Like?

You know, retire retire parties, viewing parties, divorce parties.

What about viewing parties of a dead body?

No?

Like you know, if there's a pay per view event and everybody comes around and watches it and has pizza, you know, if you had friends?

No, that's im sorry that I don't know anything about that.

What is your take on events where you're invited but it costs you, including event weddings?

No, absolutely no, go absolutely unacceptable. If you need to ask people to pay for anything that you are inviting them to, you must not have that event. End of story. I'll say I'll tell you something else. Yeah. If I go anywhere and I see a wishing well, I'm going to get down. I'm going to do a WI in that wishing well.

Explain what a wishing well is?

You know, when you go to someone's wedding or event and actually, this hasn't happened to me, but they're lucky that it hasn't. Someone will put some sort of receptacle at the event, saying in lousvi prisent. Oh, we just like cash. We just went cash. We just want to go and buy We want to go to Billy Getz and buy a record player. Do you know what I mean?

Billy Griots.

I don't know where that came from, either cash, didgeit cal Yeah, Billy Guides are still around.

I bought a toaster from there you go, super super sol.

Okay, there you go. But it is the wishing well is the idea that they are asking you to wish them well by giving them a donation of money. I do not like this idea and I will not pay to go to an event.

Sorry, what about ones that you know? You've got to get a weekend away and pay for the attempt?

To me, I thought so you would be.

There is no way. And that is not just because I haven't got a red scent. It's not just about that. Surely you are with me, I am you hosted the world's best fiftieth birthday party, and do you know what happened to us at that party? We got presents. That's right, that is the way it should be. But I've worked myself. I know you have kind of oh my god, the mensis. I always thought that I was odd in that way.

No, but I first started feeling uncomfortable about that with the good old wedding registry that was around in the eighties and nineties too, it felt so impersonal.

That's right to be sent a formal document saying this is what you can choose to spend your money on. We don't want your own idea and lovely present. Yeah I want that dinner set. No. No, It's more nauseating nowadays is when people have already lived a big life. You know, they're getting married in their thirties. They own everything they need. Yeah, do not ask us for the best a boat of ours. Then there's I think there might be few bits of bits and bobs of that in my online garrisel.

Yes there is.

Look out, I'm going to buy them.

I think that's where the wishing well idea has come from, because these people.

Look around there on.

We don't need a you know, new Maxwell Johnson whatever dinner set.

Yeah, yeah, we just need the cash. Yeah, but that's so grabby, you know, I mean, guess what people you can live without cash. I'm a human testament to that. But also I'd never ask someone to give me some just because I had a birthday, do you know what I mean? Or just because I was getting married. Lord knows that will never happen. No, but just anything. Even when you are viewing my corpse at my funeral, there will not be a wishing well there to pay for

Imagine if I was weeping over your body and you went leave the cash on the leave the cash on the altar.

Maybe for you to get the laugh, I might do it.

I've got so many whiskers.

Yeah, and do you know what? Have you got one of those things that's supposed to take your hair off with the little coils you get them from like an appellator. Yeah, but I'm a one fore it. No, I never do that. See can you can't see any hair? Can you? No? Well, that's this little miracle tool thing that just sort of sort of shaves it off, but for some reason it doesn't grow back.

This is amazing, I know.

I mean it does if you look in the ten times magnifying mirror, which is what I have to look into.

DomU that reminds me. I've got one of them on the way. There was one in one of the hotels in Europe and I miss it.

So yeah, I know. But you will never stop picking out your black heads. Now, I'll tell you that right. You can lose hours getting right up close and you can see that little black hair follicle and you can squeeze that mother out. Because you can, you'll be able to see it in your ten times magnifying. You will also see a whole lot of shit up your nose that you will not want. I've got to do something about these whiskers. I'm like a nanny coke. They just

I'm losing them down.

Behind disappear from here. Up. I've got a really good wine.

I've got a really great eyebrow pencil, have you Yeah, it's a dupe for hour glass and it's seven dollars.

Wow.

All right, let's wrap this up. I've got to get a whole lot of stuff to give to you before you go.

I never like leaving this podcast without at least eight to ten items I aimed to please. Thank you so much for dropping by thank you so much for having me.