EP 93: Could the 12 Steps of AA Help You Even if You Aren't an Alcoholic?

On today's episode , I'm going to talk through the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous . Now , don't turn me off yet . I know some of you . When you hear Alcoholics Anonymous , you instantly shut down because you're like well , I'm not an alcoholic , and probably you're not .

But there's so much to be learned from the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous that I think it's worthwhile to go through each of them so that you can get an idea of what's in there and how to apply it to your life . Now , in the framework of Alcoholics Anonymous , there's a lot more that goes into it .

There's a book called the Big Book , and then there's 12 Steps and 12 Traditions . There's a meeting aspect of Alcoholics Anonymous or other 12-step groups . Today , I just want to focus on these 12 steps and how you can incorporate them into your life .

Whether you are just noticing an uptick in the amount and frequency that you've been consuming and you're starting to feel uneasy about that and you don't want it to get to the point where it's this blazing fire that requires immediate attention .

You can slowly take care of it now or , if you are noticing that you are really struggling , these steps could help you as you just reframe your mind around alcohol and help you not turn toward alcohol but turn toward the creator , which essentially is what the 12 steps is all about .

Now I am going to do an episode on my true thoughts on Alcoholics Anonymous . It will be my story . It will be my experience that I'm sharing story . It will be my experience that I'm sharing , but I'm not doing that on this episode today .

I will tell you that I did attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings for the first two years of my recovery and found it to be very beneficial at that time and I just kind of outgrew it and I was able to maintain my sobriety for all these many years not being part of Alcoholics Anonymous .

I do have clients who are in recovery who I work with in more of a life coaching capacity because they have their sponsor , but I also help them to figure out ways to maintain their sobriety and if they struggle or struggling , then we talk about that as well , with plans and protocols .

A bulk of my clients are people who are just noticing alcohol is becoming a problem for them and they don't want it to get to that level . Because I don't know if you know this , but anyone can be an alcoholic . You do not have to have a predisposition to become an alcoholic .

Under the right circumstances or wrong circumstances , it can happen to anyone , because alcohol does what it does in our bodies and minds . I'll do another episode on how alcohol affects our neurotransmitters . It just does what it does and that does it for everybody . Now , for some people like me , it affected me quickly .

I could never moderate , but then I do know people that were able to moderate for years and years and years . Something happened , there was a shift and all of a sudden they completely lost control of their drinking and they knew that they needed to address it for their overall well-being .

So the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous According to the Alcoholics Anonymous website , that's aaorg I'll leave a link in my show notes states that the 12 steps are the core of the AA program of personal recovery from alcoholism theories . They are based on the trial and error .

Experience of the early members of Alcoholics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous started in 1935 . They describe the attitudes and activities that these early members believe were important in helping them achieve sobriety .

Acceptance of the 12 steps is not mandatory , but experience suggests that members who make an earnest effort to follow these steps and apply them in daily living seem to get far more out of AA than the members who seem to regard them casually . So there's more to it , but that's how Alcoholics Anonymous describes what the 12 steps are .

So the 12 steps in order are one we admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable . Two came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity . Three made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him . Four made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves .

Five admitted to God , to ourselves and to another human being , the exact nature of our wrongs . 6 . Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character . 7 . Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings . 8 . Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all . 9 .

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible , except when to do so would injure them or others . 10 . Continued to take personal inventory and , when we were wrong , promptly admitted it . 11 .

Sought , through prayer and meditation , to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him , praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out . And 12 , having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps , we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs .

So I just want to briefly go through each of the 12 steps and show you how , even if you aren't an alcoholic or you don't have alcohol use disorder , these steps are so beneficial for all of us . So the first step can be a little tough for people . I know it wasn't for me when I came to AA .

I did feel powerless over alcohol and my life was completely unmanageable . Now you might not be there , you may feel like you have some sense of control over alcohol , but it is causing chaos for you , whatever level that is for you . You're just admitting that maybe you've lost your control over alcohol is starting to control you .

But part of why AA has us admit that we are powerless over alcohol is because , in admitting we are powerless , we are recognizing that we cannot do this on our own and that we need God's help , that we need God's help . So there are things that we have control over and there are some things where we just have to ask God for his divine intervention .

We need to turn to him and ask for his guidance , for him to strengthen our spiritual gifts , for him to send down his most Holy Spirit and breathe into us and help us , because we do need help . We can't do it all and we don't have to do it alone , because we know that God is on our side and that he is for us and he wants us free .

God is on our side and that he is for us and he wants us free .

So , in the context of the 12 steps of AA , if you can admit that you need God's help in moving forward , in detaching from the stronghold that has a grip on you and is causing chaos in your life , even if everything is going really well , because I have clients that are like you know I don't know why I have this problem with alcohol , my marriage is good ,

my kids are great , we have a beautiful home , I do things I love , things I love and they're like . The one thing that I just can't control is alcohol . In that respect , that aspect of their life has become unmanageable For

the alcoholic . When I was at my lowest , I felt extremely powerless over alcohol . I felt like I couldn't say no . I couldn't stop once I had a drink . One of the slogans they say in AA is one is too many and a thousand is never enough . And that is so true for me .

So I was powerless over alcohol , but with God's grace , with his help , I can say no , I can resist those urges . I have the power to not touch it , not look at it , not make it mean anything , not have it in my house , not have it . You know , whatever it is that causes more chaos for you .

And this is something that I work on with my clients , or my clients work through on their own in the Sacred Sobriety Lab , on their own in the sacred sobriety lab . But it's about recognizing where you do feel powerless , where you do feel out of control , and then asking God for his help in helping you resist the temptation to drink .

And again , maybe your whole life isn't unmanageable , but maybe this aspect of your life is unmanageable . So just consider that . Number two goes along with one . It is came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity .

Anonymous is based in Christianity , but they have to change their wording a bit to make it more inclusive , more to everyone who comes , I guess . So that was actually one of the things that I didn't really . I mean , it's one of the things I liked about AA but didn't like about AA . And , like I said , I'll talk about it again sometime .

But I sometimes had problems with my faith . I wasn't really able to talk about my faith , but then people that didn't have a faith would sometimes be able to talk about that at length . So , anyway , that is another story for another time . But that is why why it says , came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity .

Now , when I was in meetings I would always say a power greater than myself , who is God , the father or who I choose to call God . I would always try to slip it in there so that I was like I don't just think the doorknob is my higher power , I don't just think this meeting or the people here are my higher power .

I believe that God is my higher power and he is the one who actually helped me come into these rooms , because without him I would not be here . As Catholics , we know that God is greater than ourselves , but I don't know that we always believe that he wants to restore us or heal us .

At least , that is how it is for some people , and I'm not saying that's you , I'm just saying this generally for anyone that needs to hear it . Sometimes we feel like God is helping everyone else , or he wants to help everyone else , or maybe he's too busy helping everyone else to help us .

But the Lord just wants you to turn your face to him and ask for his help , ask for his guidance , for his help . Ask for his guidance , ask what he wants you to do , what he thinks of you . That's a lot of the work that I do with my clients on identity .

Actually , the Sacred Sobriety Lab really hammers home about your identity as a son or daughter of God , not your labels , not your sins , not your shortcomings , not all the things that the evil one will have you believe , but as a beloved child of God . And he loves you and he wants you free . He loves you and he doesn't want you suffering .

He loves you and he wants you to live a life of fulfillment . He wants you clear of these things that are keeping you from him . He wants you fully present so that you can experience the life that he has . For you Now . Will it always be perfect ? No , for you Now will it always be perfect ? No .

But when we empty ourselves of the things that aren't serving us , or the band-aid fixes or , like I like to say , like the snow , that kind of , we pack around whatever that irritant is , but then it just melts away and we're left with the irritant and then a messy puddle of other stuff .

God wants us to empty ourselves of those things so that he can fill those spaces . So we fill those spaces up with him with time , with him , chaos that he wants to heal you . That is what the second step is about . I believe Number three made the decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him .

Now , making that decision again . We're Catholics , so we just think , of course , that decision Again , we're Catholics , so we just think , of course I already do that . I go to mass on Sunday , or maybe go to adoration , or maybe you have regular prayer time .

You know , maybe you are very devout , but sometimes we do all the things but we still have a wall up in front of us . We still have something keeping us from true relationship , from allowing God in . I just read something today in a book . The author was talking about this art picture .

I'm sure you've seen it , but it's of Jesus standing outside of this wooden door and there's no handle on it . And he's standing outside and he's knocking on the door and that's what he's doing for us . He's like I'm not just going to force my way in , I'm knocking and I need you to let me in .

When we make that decision to trust him , to surrender to him , that is when we can experience a transformation . I've told this in my story before .

One of the things that happened is I went to AA and the first thing I said when I was there like my first day I was talking one of the first things I said was I can tell you that I would not be here today because I had been sitting in my car debating whether or not I was going to come in and I really didn't want to come in , but I just kept

feeling that nudge , nudge , nudge . So I finally went in and I told them I'm like I would not be here today if God did not carry me in here , like I feel like he literally carried me in here because I did not want to come in , I did not want to get out of my car . So I knew that I had to trust and be obedient in that moment .

And then the other thing is I was still struggling with urges , even like a few weeks , maybe it was a month , I don't even remember the time frame but I was still having urges to drink . And one day I just cried out to him and I asked him please , lord , remove this desire to drink . And he did it .

That was one of the first solid prayers that I remember , realizing that God answered . Now I look back and I realize he was answering all kinds of prayers by saying no , by saying no to them .

But for so long I felt like he wasn't listening , that he didn't care , that he was too involved with other people or other things and didn't really have the time or desire to want to help me . So I was searching for power in other places . But in this moment I asked him and he did it .

He healed me and that strengthened my faith so much and I was like , yes , you are there . So it's that trust , it's that asking , it's that letting him in . That can be so difficult for some of us , even as practicing Catholics , even as lifelong Christians . It can be very difficult for us but it is something that we need to do , it's a choice we make .

So when you decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God , really take time to think about that and make a big effort to actually choose to do that . Number four made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves . Examination of conscience , right .

Whenever my family and I are going to go to reconciliation , I usually print out forms for my kids that makes it easier for them that kind of go through , like the Ten Commandments or has things that kind of can jog their memories to help them prepare their hearts and minds for reconciliation . And that's what number four is right .

And I actually remember going through this and thinking isn't this just like going to reconciliation ? So the fifth step is admitted to God , to ourselves and to another human being , the exact nature of our wrongs . I remember asking my sponsor about this because I did want to do this fearless and moral inventory of myself .

I did want to admit it to God , I wanted to admit it to myself , but she said I had to admit it to her because that's part of AA . And I really didn't . I wanted to take that to a priest because , even though I was away from the church and I hadn't been to reconciliation for many years , that still was ingrained in me .

Right , I needed to go to reconciliation . And she said , yeah , you can do that , but you still need to go over it with me . You still need to do this inventory of everything with me . Then you can burn it or do whatever . So I did that and I didn't feel right about it .

But this is so important Admitting to God , to ourselves , and take it to reconciliation . If you want to admit it to another human being , go for it . I just feel like I wish that I hadn't divulged that information to her . Not that she did anything with it , and actually she did anything with it and actually , after I did my fifth step , she went MIA .

So that was another part of my AA story , that kind of hurt when that happened . So anyway , if I had to do that again , I would admit to God , to myself , and probably take it to a priest , okay . Step six is we were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character . So that is when we make that act of contrition .

We are so sorry , we are heartily sorry for offending you , god . We will endeavor not to do that again . See what I mean . So Catholic , so Catholic , but really these are things that help all of us in our lives and really as Catholics we do a lot of these things without even really thinking about it . But I don't know about you .

I do like having some kind of framework . It helps me keep things a little bit more organized in my mind . So we were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character . I kind of feel like that happens , but right as we are stepping into the confessional to tell the priest . And then step seven is humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings .

Again , that's just asking in the sacrament of reconciliation for these and all of my sins . I am heartily sorry . Then the priest gives you your penance and absolution , and it's beautiful , right . So I feel like four , five , six , seven and 8 , well , maybe not 8 .

Those are all part of reconciliation , because step 8 is made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all . Now we can't always make amends to everyone , as step nine states made direct amends to such people wherever possible , except when to do so would injure them or others .

So I feel like , if we have this list of people that we've harmed , that again is something that we might take to the sacrament of reconciliation with our moral inventory . Although you don't really have to name names , you can just be a bit vague about it , often the priests will , as part of your penance , have you do something to make amends with these people .

I also think that it's very important to include ourselves in that and include others who have harmed us . So that's an aspect that's not really included in the 12 steps and that is the aspect of inner healing , the aspect of inner healing .

So I'll talk more about inner healing and how we can do that to help us forgive ourselves , forgive others and then , whenever possible , be willing to make amends to just right wrongs that we've done to others , if again it's possible to others , if again it's possible

. Number 10 is continue to take a personal inventory and when we were wrong , promptly admitted it . So this is just right . Like that nightly , examine the Ignatian spirituality , just making sure every day that we take that inventory . That way it doesn't stack up . If we realize that we need to go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation , we will do that .

If we just need to , you know , make amends or right a wrong , because it's venial , you know , then you can do that . Because it's venial , you know , then you can do that too .

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him , praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out as Catholics . Hopefully you have a daily prayer and meditation routine . You have a daily prayer and meditation routine .

If you don't , now would be a great time to implement that , just having that continued conversation with God , and it doesn't have to be anything formal , it doesn't have to be like very involved . Sometimes it could just be you having a conversation with God . One of my favorite things is to prayer journals .

I will have a conversation with God and be writing out whatever comes to my mind . So I'm writing out my whatever I'm saying to God and then whatever I hear back , I write that out too , and it really gives me clarity and gives me something to actually look at and reread . It helps me hear God's voice more clearly .

So that works for me , for others and for me . I love praise and worship music . So just singing about the glory of God , singing life over me , singing God's truth over me , those declarations praising Jesus , praising the Lord for his goodness , and just everything , I just love it . It fills me with so much joy , so much peace .

So like if I'm super nervous I usually do this If I'm going to be speaking , I get really nervous . So on my way to wherever I'm speaking , I'll have the last praise music and sing at the top of my lungs .

By the time I get there , I've praised and worshiped and glorified God , I have a lot of peace and I've gotten out some of those jitters and stuff like that . So anyway , whatever works for you , continually building that relationship and that connection will help you say no .

The more we detach from things that keep us from God , keep us distracted , and the more we can fill that with Him , it'll just be easier .

We're kind of changing the habit from oh , I feel bad , I'm going to grab a drink to oh , I feel bad , I'm going to blast praise and worship music or I'm going to go on a walk and pray the ros rosary or you know whatever it is . So rooting out those vices , those things that are keeping you from God , and replacing them with other things .

Because , you know , drinking seems like it doesn't take up that much time , but it actually does take up time . It takes up mental energy and you will find that you'll have more clarity once you are able to detach from that in a way where you have control over it and it doesn't have control over you .

And then the final step , step 12 , having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps , we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and practice these principles in all our affairs . So this is about service to others , it's about sharing the message .

And I think if you are making efforts to drink less or not at all , people don't necessarily want you to tell them how bad alcohol is for them or they shouldn't do it , but you just taking those steps . It's kind of like our faith , right , if we're talking at somebody like you should do this , you're going to hell and blah , blah , blah .

They are going to be super turned off and they are not going to want any of what we have . But if we have peace , if we have peace , if we have joy , if we lead with love , they are going to get curious and be like what does she have ? How did she have that ? How is she so happy ? So , with alcohol ?

When we detach from it and we are saying , you know , someone offers us a drink , we're like , oh , that's so nice of you . No , thank you or no thanks , but I will take a sparkling water . We are showing people that it's possible to live alcohol-free or reducing our alcohol intake .

We still have fun , we still love our people , we still want to be part of a community and included and we can do it joyfully and with peace and we don't have to have alcohol . And sometimes that will make people uncomfortable because then they are looking at their alcohol intake .

Not always Some people are not bothered one way or another whether you have a drink or not , but sometimes it makes people have to stop and think about their alcohol use . So in AA it's a little bit different , because you can reach out to the newcomers , because the newcomers are coming through the doors for help . They're asking for help .

Most of the time the people we encounter are not asking for help . They don't want us to lecture them , but what will help them is just to see your example . If you give up alcohol and you're bitter about it and you talk about how much you miss it , they're not going to want that . They're going to be like that is terrible , that sounds like zero fun .

I am not doing that . But if you are joyful about it and have peace about it , and if they want that too and they're finding that alcohol is causing chaos for them , then they might ask you about it or they might want to talk about it , and they know that you're a safe person to talk about .

So I believe that for those of you who you know , alcohol isn't like an addiction , but you've noticed that it is causing chaos , that it is becoming a problem for you , and whether or not people notice that or not I don't know .

But when you say no , thank you , that you don't want alcohol or that you're only going to have one , that is just you helping that person who feels like they're all alone . Helping that person who is drinking not because they want to , but they feel like , if they don't , they're the only person who's not .

So leading with your example can be a beautiful way to carry your message to others . So I hope this has been helpful in explaining the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and how you can apply them to your life . You don't have to be an alcoholic to apply these to your life or to use them .

I do have a send text button in my show notes , so you are more than welcome to send me a text . I don't have a way to respond to you . If you do want a response from me , please send me a DM at Instagram , at the Catholic sobriety coach . I will get back to you .

Or if you just want to leave a text message and you don't mind if I get back to you or not , then maybe I'll give you a shout out in my next podcast episode . I will talk to you again soon .

Well , that does it for this episode of the Catholic Sobriety Podcast . I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well , and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing .

I am the Catholic Sobriety Coach , and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer , visit my website , thecatholicsobrietycoachcom . Follow me on Instagram at the Catholic Sobriety Coach . I look forward to speaking to you next time and remember I am here for you . I am praying for you . You are not alone .