Ep 6: A Deep Dive into the World of Sobriety and Recovery

I'm a wife , mom and a joy-filled Catholic , and I am the Catholic Sobriety coach , and I am so glad you're here . Well , welcome everyone . So in today's episode I am going to explore the differences between sobriety and recovery . Now , a lot of times those two words are used interchangeably .

Certainly , you cannot have recovery without sobriety , but you can have sobriety without recovery , and I'll talk a little bit about that later . So , as a woman in recovery and a Catholic life coach , I feel very strongly about helping women who are both in recovery from addiction and those who are looking to get sober for any reason .

The recovery clients that I work with , I generally recommend that they have at least a year sobriety . Of course , that is on a case-by case basis , but in general it takes about a year to kind of sift through all the things and all the first before a woman is ready for coaching .

And coaching is different than counseling in the way that coaching is for someone who is in a pretty good place but feeling stuck and has obstacles that they want removed or they need a step-by-step process to achieve the goals or the vision that they have for their life .

Counseling is actually dealing with past issues , past trauma , maybe getting really clear about why a person chose to drink in the first place and how it became an addiction . That is not something that I do . I do coaching , so I'm there to help you move forward and attain the vision for your life .

I also help women who are looking to get sober for any reason . There's a variety of reasons that people want to get sober . One of the main ones and most important ones is your health . We get a lot of messaging going on about how alcohol helps us cope with motherhood or relieve anxiety or sleep better , or it's good for your heart or all these other things .

There's all these messages that we've been given . The reality is , I personally quit drinking because if I didn't , I would not be a functional human being , because I had an addiction . But that is not the case for many of the women I work with .

Many of them do not necessarily have an addiction , but they need to get sober because they realize or they want to stop drinking , decrease the amount of alcohol that they're consuming or eliminate it all together because they know that alcohol is not serving them anymore .

They find that those nightly glasses of wine or whatever alcohol they're drinking are actually adding to their anxiety . They're actually making it so that they're getting even worse sleep than they would if they hadn't had consumed alcohol in the first place . Many of my clients and other people report that they are 3 am waking .

That , they thought , meant that they had insomnia , actually went away when they stopped drinking because they realized the alcohol wakes you up at disruption or REM sleep and all these other things . So when they quit drinking they actually got better sleep . Alcohol also increases our cancer risk for seven different types of cancer , including breast cancer .

Let that sink in . So there is just a lot of reasons it doesn't help anxiety . It's actually shown to increase anxiety . It may calm you in a moment , but you know it's not going to last . There's even a term called anxiety , which is like the anxiety related to a hangover which can stick around for days .

Those are some health reasons that people want to get sober . So , as I was saying , sobriety is necessary for recovery , but recovery is not necessary for sobriety . So let's talk about sobriety first .

Some people , including some of my clients , do not like to use the word sobriety or to say that they are a sober person per se , because that has a little bit of a stigma to it , to where , if you say that I'm sober or I've been sober X amount of days , people will just assume that you had an addiction to a substance like alcohol .

But sobriety really just means abstinence from so you're not partaking in it . So some people will say that they are getting sober curious , which means that they're trying to just kind of get some awareness around their drinking , how they drink , why they drink , what they drink . Anything that kind of triggers their drinking .

Living an alcohol-free lifestyle is something that people will say They'll call themselves a non drinker or they won't even say anything at all about it . And it doesn't really matter what label you want to use or if you don't want to use the label . I do have a podcast episode about labels and it's called why I Call Myself a Recovering Alcoholic .

But you don't have to , so you can go to that podcast episode and listen to find out more about my thoughts on labels . So there is definitely a spectrum of drinking and everyone responds differently to alcohol and their relationship with alcohol .

You also do not have to hit rock bottom to realize that maybe you have a unhealthy relationship with alcohol , like maybe it's not serving you anymore , maybe it has turned into something that you used to do , just you know , every once in a while to unwind or for enjoyment , and now you find that you are constantly chasing the buzz or nursing a hangover and you

know that that is not the life that God intended for you . So if you're wondering if your alcohol consumption is at a point where you need to examine it and maybe look at either decreasing or eliminating the alcohol you consume , the first thing I would do is to ask you is the drinking the focus of your life ?

Is it difficult to imagine events , vacations or even evenings after you put the kids to bed without alcohol ? Like ? What feelings come up in your body ? What thoughts are you having that are creating those feelings ?

If you find it difficult to imagine that , to imagine events , vacations , evenings , whatever without alcohol , then it may be time to re-examine your relationship with alcohol . It may not be serving you . So think about your relationship with alcohol like a relationship gone bad right .

At first , the relationship is fun and you have , you know , a good sense of who you are and where you're going , but you're just enjoying your time with this person and then slowly , you become dependent on this person . Like why isn't he calling me ? Why isn't he texting me ? Did I say something that made him mad ?

You know , you have all these things that come up as this bad relationship progresses . You find yourself not enhanced by this person , but instead dependent on this person , and that is what can happen with alcohol .

I think you're having fun with it , you feel like you have control over it and all of these things , but the addictive properties of alcohol change your brain the more you consume . So alcohol is addictive to everyone . Okay , you don't have to be an addict or consider yourself an addict to become addicted to alcohol .

Okay , look , I know that's not what you wanted to hear , but hear me out . If you keep drinking the way that you're drinking now and it continues to escalate , it can turn into a problem .

But the good news and there is such good great news that if you bring awareness , get some awareness around your drinking , you start experimenting with either cutting back or eliminating alcohol altogether and getting sober even if you don't want to use that word abstaining from alcohol , you will be able to break that habit and you're also going to be able to assess

whether or not alcohol is serving you . So if you even have like a tiny little voice inside your head that is wondering do I have a drinking problem ? Am I drinking too much ? Should I stop drinking altogether ? If you have any of those thoughts at all , I would suggest grabbing my free resource .

It's called Drink Less or Not at All a Catholic Guide to Freedom . I'm going to have the link in the show notes for you and it has tools , some of the same tools that I use with my clients who are looking to get sober for any reason whatsoever . It doesn't even have to mean that they have a disordered attachment to alcohol .

It could be for health reasons , as I discussed earlier in the podcast . Whatever your reason , you know Lent is coming up . If you're listening to this , as I'm publishing it in February of 2023 , lent is starting on the 22nd of February . Grab this guide and get curious about your drinking . I have questions in there . I have a habit tracker tracker .

I have just a bunch of really great stuff . So grab that and , yeah , get curious about your drinking and you know you don't have to say that you're getting sober . You can just say I'm trying out not drinking for a while and I'm gonna see how it goes . So all right , now let's move on to

recovery . So remember , at the top of the show I said you can have sobriety without recovery , but you can't have recovery without sobriety . So what I mean by that is people who do struggle with addiction can sometimes maintain periods of being sober , of not drinking .

Sometimes they can go for really long stretches , like up to a year or more , but then , for whatever reason , they find themselves turning back to the drink .

Okay , psychology Today says these individuals may be staying away from alcohol , but they are not treating the underlying issues that led to their drinking in the first place , that developed as their alcoholism progressed . Okay , so this is what I mean you can stop drinking .

But if you're not working a program , if you have an addiction and you're not working a program , I don't care what it is , I don't care if it's AA , I don't care if it's through coaching or through a treatment center or with a counselor .

But what happens is , if we're not treating the underlying issues and then making amends and learning how to feel our feelings and deal with life without alcohol . We will just return back to the drink . If we stop drinking but we continue living our life exactly the same way , then we're going to end up first of all , resenting the fact that we aren't drinking .

So , like what I did when I first got sober , I went to the treatment program at Kaiser . I put myself in outpatient treatment for alcohol addiction . But I did not change anything about my life . I still went to the bars every weekend . I still hung out with exactly the same people .

People still came over to my house with my roommate and drink and I was super resentful , like I . The whole time . I didn't have fun . I was just thinking about how they were all drinking and they were all having fun and here I was having a coke or watered down o' duels and just being miserable .

Okay , so part of recovery is learning how to change our habits and what we do . So when I was in AA , they talked about changing . You know , you might have to let go of friendships , which I did . You might have to stop doing things that you've always done , which I did .

I stopped going to the bars , even though I like to go and dance like line dance and stuff back in the day . I had to stop doing that and that helped me develop a habit and find other things to do instead of what I was doing , and so I didn't just sit there glaring at everyone who was drinking .

I actually was going to AA and associating with other people who were in recovery . I was focused on prioritizing my recovery and making sure that I worked my steps , which for me was invaluable because there wasn't a lot of options back then that there are now for getting sober . I'm very grateful for AA .

I didn't stay in AA long after a year or so but , honestly , the 12 steps laid the foundation for my recovery and I am eternally grateful for it . One thing to note is that recovery is not a cure . So when I say I am a recovering alcoholic , people are like but you've been in recovery for 25 years ? Okay , which is true , I've been .

It's going to be 26 years here next week , but I still consider myself recovering alcoholic because recovery is more like being in remission than a cure . So being in recovery has given me freedoms from cravings . I do not feel powerless against alcohol If I drink it . That's a whole nother story .

But as long as I can maintain my abstinence from alcohol , I'm good Like . I am not powerless . I am very powerful and I've been able to maintain that for a very long time . I do not have a fixation on the substance . If people around me are drinking , I don't glare at them anymore . Honestly , don't care what people are drinking .

If they're drinking , I pay no attention . Honestly , I've been able , through my recovery , to get really clear on what the underlying issues were that resulted in my drinking . But not just the reason that I drank , but the fact that I kept drinking .

Like what also kept me drinking was that shame and regret and the poor choices and decisions that I made when I was drinking . So I'm not cured in the way that I can go and have a drink and be fine . Okay , I am still an addict if I drink . As long as I stay away from it , I'm good , I'm in remission and I am recovering .

Sometimes people say they're recovered . You know I don't really have an attachment one way or the other . I like saying that I am a recovering alcoholic because to me I mean and I don't just go around telling people that I'm not like Hi , I'm Kristi , I'm a recovering alcoholic .

Like everywhere I go , I'm sparse in who I tell that to in different situations , although I'm telling all of you on this podcast you all know . But yeah , so that just reinforces to me how serious my disordered attachment is to alcohol and it also explains to other people how serious my disordered attachment to alcohol is , so they won't ask me .

Sometimes they act a little weird , but I honestly don't mind . I'm super used to it and it doesn't bother me at all because I understand that there is a stigma . It's so funny because there's a stigma around not drinking and there's not really that same stigma around people that drink .

I just think it's a little backwards , but it's probably my worldview , my recovery worldview , that makes it makes me think that . So for recovery , there are four things that I guess you could call them pillars of recovery . So there's awareness , the awareness around your drinking . There's the acceptance I have a drinking problem and I need to get some help .

There is a willingness to change . That's a big one , that's a huge one . You have to be willing to change . And then the fourth one is integrating a lifestyle of sobriety .

So I heard somebody , or I saw on Instagram somebody , that was not very happy because they heard another person , another sober account , say that recovery oh I'm sorry that relapse is part of recovery . So I do think that that relapse can be part of recovery . Relapse was part of my recovery .

I stopped drinking , I got sober , but then after 90 days I went back out drinking . And I know so many people who have had many years of successful sobriety who start , started and stopped and had many day ones before they finally got sober for good and actually started working their recovery . So I believe that nothing is wasted , like God wastes nothing .

So every single time that someone starts and stops , they're a little bit better for it . There's more awareness around their drinking . They can't just go back out drinking , being carefree , because they know what it's like to be sober , to not drink , and eventually , if they have the willingness and they just keep trying , never give up .

Always keep trying again and again and again . Because I promise you God will use that and use everything from that journey when you are finally in a place to work your recovery . So that is why I personally believe that relapse is part of recovery .

Now there are some people that will get sober and then they'll be counting their days and then they may have a drink and it could last a day or two , and then they go back to being sober and so what they do is they just take out those drinking days from the number of days . For me that wouldn't work .

Like I'm kind of a purist for myself personally , I wouldn't be able to do that , like my brain would not function well . I need to know like I , from this day forward , I have not had a drop of alcohol Like that , the type of thing that my brain needs . But my brain does not work like everybody else's brain .

And so there are people who will say I have 50 days sober , but maybe they really started their sobriety or this journey of recovery 60 days before , but they've had 10 days scattered in there when they actually have consumed alcohol .

So if the person is talking about those relapses being part of recovery , you know that might be what they're talking about , but I do feel like nothing , or I do know that nothing is wasted . So if you relapse , I don't want you to give up and think you're never going to do it and there's something wrong with you . There is nothing wrong with you .

Alcohol is an addictive substance . It will make anybody addicted , okay . So there's nothing wrong with you . It's just how the alcohol affects your brain . And just keep trying , just keep going . I promise you , if you keep going and you reach out for help and you work a program , there is freedom on the other side . Okay . So that was a lot . That was a lot .

Thank you for sticking with me . So , just to summarize , this is not my definition . I found this from the Discovering Alcoholic website . It says that the difference between sobriety and recovery is sobriety is a state and recovery is a process . Okay , so sobriety is a state . So sobriety means abstaining from alcohol .

There's no alcohol entering our bodies , but recovery is a process . I am sure this isn't a one and done episode . I will probably examine this in the future . So variety and recovery maybe relapses well with a guest and maybe just myself . So I hope that you will subscribe and stay tuned for more episodes like this .

Well , that does it for this episode of the Catholic sobriety podcast . I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well , and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing .

I am the Catholic sobriety coach and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer ? Visit my website , thecatholicsobrietycoachcom . Follow me on Instagram at the Catholic sobriety coach . I look forward to speaking to you next time and remember I am here for you . I am praying for you . You are not alone .