Ep 5: From Binge Eating to Spiritual Healing: Denise Jelinek's Journey to Food Freedom

I'm a wife , mom and a joy-filled Catholic , and I am the Catholic Sobriety coach , and I am so glad you're here . Okay , so welcome everybody . Today I am so excited because I have Denise Jellanick here today on the podcast , and she is a grateful Catholic convert .

She is a wife of 20 years and , after years of infertility , is blessed to be the mom of her two teenage boys .

Although once a binge-eater , an over-drinker and chronic people pleaser , she is now a Catholic health and weight loss coach , dedicated to helping women grow closer to Christ and pursue peace as they learn to live free of excess weight , emotional eating and all the things that distract and lure them with artificial comfort .

Denise , I am so excited to have you here today .

But it was like amazing , and in high school and college it was really the way that I could be the person that I wanted to be Fun enough , I could be outgoing enough , I could be confident enough .

I'm sure this is a story that so many of your listeners can relate to , but it wasn't until I got to graduate school that food became an issue and I realized it's because that's when I started living alone . So until that point I would just , you know , party and over-drink , and you know it's totally socially acceptable .

But I graduated school was a very first time I was living alone . I had a professional job as well , and so I had lots of alone time . And that's when I started binge eating , mostly from loneliness , and my whole history with binge eating is all done in secrecy . So when .

I look back , it's when I'm feeling alone , would never let anybody else see that I was doing it . And what's really interesting is that I was a personal trainer . I was in the fitness industry , so it was even like this source of shame , because I'm told in the industry that it's so focused on diet , weight loss .

You'll hear a little bit more about that story as we go along , but I couldn't do it myself .

I was using food to cover my feelings and I was totally constantly in this mental gymnastics of what do I eat , when do I eat , thinking about food like 85 to 90% of the day and towards the end of my binge eating career , I would rather be standing in the corner of my kitchen with a jar of peanut butter , a spoon dumping chocolate chips in there than being

with my family . And as you read , I mean , we had two kids that we adopted . We struggled with infertility , so we really pursued having these kids . What in the world was wrong with me ? I was even like so preoccupied with my kids plates , hoping that they would leave food on their plate so I could eat it while I was cleaning up .

I couldn't wait for my husband to go to bed so I could stay up to me like I wanted to and nothing was giving me lasting results . And what I knew my results was relief , long-term relief . No diets , no therapies , no trainers , no program . I just thought , if I could just find the right thing , you know , the magic diet , the magic trainer , that one person .

I just kept throwing money at this and I didn't really have a turning point for years , until one Christmas I was just done . The teller was doing more and more secret eating I didn't want to do , and that was the thing it's like . I literally could see myself doing things and being like why am I doing this ?

It was so confusing and you know anybody in your audience has ever . That's how I knew I was an emotional eater , like I have the best intentions to not do something and yet I watch myself do it and have no idea how to stop .

And so if you're familiar with the concept of whack-a-mole , which means we put one addiction down , pick up another one and that's really been my whole story Just go down , picked up alcohol . Really significantly , it really started to take off Now . Prior to that , I had been doing things with alcohol .

It was really odd , like drinking on the way home from the grocery store couple times , even drinking with my kids in the car , or like drinking before my son's kindergarten graduation . I was just again just kind of like with the food . I'm doing things . I'm like why am I even doing this ? So I got into food recovery in January of 2014 .

And I slowly by slowly started to see my wine consumption increase and increase and increase and go earlier in the day , and earlier in the day , and more justifications , and more justifications . And then my life started to get really black and white when I wasn't drinking .

So I would just think I could get through the whole day knowing that that couple of us the wine was at the end of the day yeah .

We don't intentionally want to miss out on moments with them , but then we can see how that addictive mindset just kind of draws us to where that's all we can think about and focus on getting to that reward . I deserve it , you know , or whatever . But , the other thing that's interesting is that some of my clients they go the other way .

It's they give up drinking and then food becomes the issue .

It was my way to God , it was my way to be the mom I wanted to be , to be the wife I wanted to be , to stop hating myself , and alcohol was going to take that from me . That's when I drew the line . I thought I'll be darned my life flying at that point which was my food recovery over to alcohol . Yeah , that's it , I'm done .

And so , of course , I had to get help for alcohol at that point , and I'll remember a woman who was helping with my food . She said , denise , I've never seen anybody work two programs , yeah , successfully .

And I was like , well , you're going to have to see it now , because I'm not willing to eat and I'm not willing to drink , and this is just what I need to do .

Ok , so , to answer your question , I know that God was taking care of me because he let me put food down first and then alcohol , because had it been the other way , I would have never put food down , ever , ever , really , oh gosh . No , because I'd be like , at least I'm not drinking .

You can put anything in there . It's the needing to have something to get through life . You know , it's that whole belief of I'll be okay . Yeah , I'll be okay if I can get to the end of the day and have a couple of glasses of wine . I'll be okay if my husband just goes to bed so I can stay up and eat the peanut butter .

I'll be okay if he stops acting that way and so you can put food , alcohol , somebody else's behavior , anything that we're putting in that line , that fill in the blank . We're making our little G God . I'll be okay if my teenager just does blah , blah , blah . I'll be okay if they get the A's on the test . I'll be okay if my house looks clean enough .

Yeah , I just love that because it's so true .

Because when we're drinking , even when we're numbing , even if we're not drinking like , have an addiction , but we're just drinking just to numb or just kind of , you know , relieve some stress , we think we're relieving stress that still , you know , takes us away from God because we're turning to something else , we're not turning to God in those moments .

There's faith fun and there's real fun . And do you know the difference between that , christy ?

How much did I drink or how much did I eat and those types of things ? Because , like you said , it could just be for fun . I went to a wedding and I had , you know , whatever . I can't , because I'm an addict and if I have any alcohol it'll set me back .

But that's not the case for everyone and it's not the case for all of my clients , but some of them will just not drink it unless they know that it's going to be , you know , like a celebratory thing , like a wedding , or maybe they are going to out with the girls . So there's that aspect of it . But then there is are you using it for the wrong reasons ?

Is it serving you ? How do you feel afterwards ? Like you were saying what do you feel like in the next morning ?

But when I was in my food recovery plan or program , you know , I was told , well , just , you know , plan how much alcohol you're going to have . And I couldn't do it . I mean , like I could plan it , I might be able to stick to it or I might not , like I could not predictably be able to stick to it .

And then that's when I was like oh so I'm going to see your point where you're like , well , just you know , decide what you want and , low-tone , make you feel good , and just stick to that . You can never do that . That's how I knew I had a problem .

Like , my husband drinks fine and he's like a responsible drinker and doesn't do it all the time . You know those types of things . So there are people that can moderate .

I'm definitely not one of those people with alcohol , but I can moderate other things , so , yeah , so why don't you tell us a little bit about your work as a Catholic health and weight loss coach and so I'm excited to hear about this .

I had a good taste of that and I loved working virtually and I thought you know , I wanna get recertified as a coach . I was a wellness coach prior to that . I think I'm recertified as a coach , you know , that way I can help women with all the things the diet , the exercise , the sleep , the stress , the everything .

And I'm going through my certification and I just had this like a hit by a two by four from God that he's like ha ha ha , denise , you thought that you were giving your certification to create some great new business . Like , I don't want that for you . That's not what I've created you for . I want you to bring souls to me .

I was kind of like souls to you . What ? And the more I started to refine what he created me for . It was this you know , I never spoke publicly about being a Benjeter and I can't believe what . I guess I do know how much secrecy and shame is around it . And the Lord is like , yeah , you need to help women come out of this and live close to me .

Well , I was like I don't think so , lord . I think that's kind of like professional suicide . So I got this feeling like I should be , you know , bring souls to Christ . But , like I said , I thought it would be professional suicide . But I started looking can I even be a Christian , a Christian coach , is that like a thing ? That's how I was .

And then I came upon a business coach that was Catholic and I was like , oh , dare I be Catholic ? I love my Catholic faith , I love it . Yeah , and just finding a community of Catholic women .

That's where I found you , and I'm like , yes , because you know , and you and I share the same business coach that says that she often asks herself am I willing to look foolish for Christ ? But it doesn't even matter , because I know this is exactly what he created me for .

Yeah , and there's a lot of things that you and I are really good at and could be lending our talents to , but he created other people for those things . He only created me for this , and I'm very clear on that .

I'm just very clear on that , which , I think , just makes it even easier to do his work , because the work that I do with women isn't me , it's just all him .

No , because that's what God made me for . You know , he did the work . You did the work that you did so that we could then help Catholic women just live lives that they love in freedom and grow close to Christ . And I love that .

I mean like because we have this perspective and you now can see , oh , these are the most important things to do at the times that you do them . Let's just do this . And when we can marry it with faith from the , you know right out of the gate , oh yeah , people can have recovery so much quicker . It's so much more of a streamlined process . Mm , hmm .

I didn't know what was wrong with me , but what I want everybody who's listening to know is that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me and there's nothing wrong with them .

What happens is we start getting in these patterns of turning to food , turning to alcohol , turning to my husband's approval , turning to I'll be okay as long as my kids get good grades , and we start getting these patterns of looking to fill in the blank for comfort and peace and security and I love that word security .

I'm going to be okay and I feel secure if and that's the thing is that we get into these patterns of turning to something else other than God , and he wants to meet all of our needs and he wants to give us the comfort that we're searching for . And what's really interesting is that a lot of people might even be asking like does God even care ?

And in Romans 12 to they say do not conform to the ways of this world , but be transformed by the renewal of the mind . Okay , let me break it down . Do not conform to the ways of this world , because this world would be like why night ? Why , now , you know , let's eat burritos , tacos and tequila .

I mean it's like gut it up , drink it up and it's totally fine . But do not conform to the ways of the world . This do not conform to the ways of this world , but be transformed by the renewal of your mind . And the renewal of your mind is like having true freedom , true peace .

Because , no matter what the world wants to tell you , you know something doesn't feel right . You know when you're feeling trapped , you know when you don't feel free . And for food and weight , the world says just be the magic size . Right , longer than the magic size , have a magic diet . And , christy , I had all that .

When I came into food recovery , I was maybe 15 to 20 pounds more than I am now . I don't know why I wasn't over 200 . Actually , I do know , I don't think I ever got over 200 pounds because I didn't ever get pregnant , okay , and I was always an exerciser , right . So anyway , that's just a little side note .

But does God really care about what you weigh or what you drink ? I don't think he does , but what he does care about is being fully united with us , wouldn't you agree ?

That isn't life giving and freeing and peaceful isn't a lie .

Like you said , we just know in our bodies that it's not good even before we admit it to ourselves , I think , a lot of times . So what do the women who come to you for coaching think the problem is ? But what really is the problem that they're having with food ?

And what happens is so we have these problems , and this is what my life was like . I would have like a problem , but I didn't even really know what the problem was because I wasn't addressing it . I just had like an uncomfortable feeling . So I would eat over it , but it didn't actually change the problem .

Now I have original problem plus all my bad feelings about myself because I ate , plus all my bad feelings about my body , all my shame about being a personal trainer who's overweight , plus that , that , that , that , that right . So it just compounds our feelings or our problems . So women think they just need to change their food .

And here's what I tell people If you've had a hard time losing weight , it's not because you're doing it wrong , it's because you're starting in the wrong place . Because so many people are starting with changing their food , which is so crazy , you'll never be able to change your food because you never get to the root cause of actually why you're eating .

And so what I help women do is to just come up with a really really , really easy to stick to meal plan that includes all the foods that they love , and then we address the real issues . And it doesn't happen overnight , I mean you know it's a whole step by step process , so it feels very natural and gentle .

But I never tell women to give up any specific food they usually decide to , because I help them find where those foods are causing chaos in their lives and people don't come to me for their lives to get harder , that's for sure .

They come to me because they want their lives to be more peaceful and easier and typically once they see kind of like I was with the alcohol this isn't making my life easier and it was taking more than it got to the point .

Now , it's not always , it doesn't happen in the beginning , but when you have an addiction or you have , let's just say , a chaos causing food , in the beginning it brings like a lot of fun to your life .

But there's a point , if you ever get to that tipping point where the food or the alcohol strips taking away more from your life than what it brings to you , and that's when you're at the bottom .

I've heard lots of different things you know about , like intermittent fasting and Whole30 and Weight Watchers . There's like all these things you know that you grow up hearing or you hear your approach does seem like it's so different and so gentle and not really super complicated .

You know , like if you're trying to explain , I'm on Whole30 , well , I can't have this and I can't have that and I can't do this and I can't do that , and people are like what are you eating ? But when you can still eat the food you love , then you don't feel so like out of place .

Maybe would you , would you say that , like if they go to a family function or they go to a party , or if they go , you know , to where other people are , does that help them not feel so like out of the loop ?

Women are not overweight because of what they eat and it has nothing to do with knowing what to eat .

I was a personal trainer . For goodness sakes . I used to write diet plans for people , and when they would follow them . When they'd come back a week later and they'd be like , yeah , I did this , I did this , I did this , I'd be like I think they were lying .

I couldn't follow anything more than four or five days because then the weekend would come and that's the last time I'm going to do a stay on a plane for the weekend , yeah . So what happens is when we just focus on the food , then we put all of our energy and guess what we're still thinking about .

We're still thinking about food , yeah , and it distracts us from the root of why we're eating .

What I teach women to do is to create an easy to stick to a mail plan Foods they love and the amounts that they feel good about . Nobody is overweight because they're eating a normal amount of food . They're just not . We're overweight because we're eating lots more food than we care to even admit . It's simply writing down food that you love .

It helps you also grow and hurt you . It helps us grow in honesty and repairs the relationship with ourselves . And what's so interesting and let me just say this because I'm sure your listeners are like that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard .

I don't want to do that or they're thinking , oh , I don't even know what I want to eat I love to ask women can you forgive ? And a half a million dollars to plan food for your kids so one day that you know they would enjoy and look forward to Could you do that ?

But you know , as I told you , I started my food freedom journey eight years ago and what I've learned is that it doesn't need to take years , and so what I've taken is the best , most effective pieces of what I've learned that have not only given me freedom from feeling controlled and confused by food , but also brings me closer to Christ .

And what people learn is a lifetime of how to live a lifetime at a healthy weight , eating the foods that they love . And here's the thing is that so many of the people listening , I know , are doing these prayers and they're praying and praying , and praying . And I remember being like what's wrong with my prayers ? Why aren't they working ?

And it's not that we are , prayers aren't working , but we need some earthly help , and I found that it really boils down to a woman knowing herself and her needs , learning how to meet her real needs and then addressing the real issues rather than eating them . And I teach them all of that , all of that simple .

It's like do this this week to make progress , do this this week to make progress , and we don't skip steps , we just do one thing at a time . And my favorite part is that you don't need a diet and you don't need low power . You only need three things . You don't want the three things at Christy .

And I am so glad that you listened to God's call for your life and that you are doing this and helping so many women so that they can , yeah , just grow closer to him and find the freedom that he wants us all to have .

He loves us so much that he just wants us to be free so that we can do all the things that he has , you know , planned for us , and I just think that's incredible .

So , denise , thank you so much for being here today , and I am going to leave all the information about the intensive in the show notes and I even have Denise's email so you can get in touch with her if you have any questions or want to reach out to her for anything . And , denise , thank you so much .

It's been such a blessing having you here , thank you .

She just has an amazing program that will teach you how to eat the food you want without feeling deprived and , just you know , not be ruled by food . It really does give you freedom . So thanks again , Denise . Well , that does it for this episode of the Catholic sobriety podcast .

I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well , and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing . I am the Catholic sobriety coach and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer , visit my website , thecatholicsobrietycoachcom .

Follow me on Instagram at the Catholic sobriety coach . I look forward to speaking to you next time and remember I am here for you , I am praying for you . You are not alone . I am the Catholic sobriety coach .