Ep 3: Let's Begin Again: Resets Instead of Resolutions

I'm a wife , mom and a joy-filled Catholic , and I am the Catholic Sobriety coach , and I am so glad you're here . So I'm super excited about today's episode . We are just finishing up 2022 and 2023 is about to start .

If you're listening to this as I'm recording and well , you're actually not gonna be listening to it as I'm recording , but after I record it and I publish it Anyway . So I'm super excited because I love the start of a new year .

Now I was going to talk about New Year's resolutions , but I actually don't make New Year's resolutions , and I haven't for many , many years . Part of that is because of the way that my brain works .

Like if I make a resolution to , let's say , exercise five days a week , and then I miss a day , then I just think , well , I've just messed everything up , so now I'm not gonna do it anymore . So that's not a good way to think .

So I had to find a way that I could still make commitments to myself , you know , make improvements and develop new habits , without that kind of cut-and-dry . Oh , I didn't do this now . It's messed up and I'm not even gonna try the rest of the year , I'll just wait until next year . So I have something that totally works for me .

I love it , I've done it for years and I highly recommend it , and I'm gonna tell you all about it . But first I want to just give you a few statistics about New Year's resolutions before we get started .

So , according to a study conducted at the University of Scranton , 41% of Americans make New Year's resolutions , but only nine of them are successful in achieving them .

So I read that and I say , oh my goodness , maybe only 9% are successful in achieving them all the way until December 31st , but maybe they were able to hang on for a month or two months or six months or eight months , it doesn't really matter . I think that it's success , no matter what , so , and we can just build on it and we can learn from it .

So it makes me kind of sad to see that there's only 9% that are successful in achieving them . But I guess that is kind of the cut and dry nature of New Year's resolutions and that's one of the reasons that I don't make them .

So some other statistics related to New Year's resolutions have to do with the type of resolutions that people make and , as you might imagine , solutions just revolving around a healthier lifestyle are really popular , whether that's improving fitness , losing weight , eating better , drinking less , trying to reduce stress and all of those types of things .

Another goal that people have is just for personal improvement and happiness , and then another one is , you know , saving money or spending more intentionally . So those are three of the most popular New Year's resolutions , which those are all really good things and things that I tend to incorporate into what I do at the beginning of the year .

Something that I thought was kind of fun was the regional statistics . So , depending on where you live , let's see , losing weight is more important to those who live in the Midwest , while exercising is more important for those on the West Coast .

In southern states they find it more important to drink less alcohol , but in the Northeast it has more people that would actually like to stop drinking alcohol completely . That's kind of surprising . I might just assume that the southern states would like to stop drinking completely . I don't know why .

I would think that I live on the West Coast so I live in like micro-brew no , what is it ? Kraft brew , the Kraft brew capital of the world . So everybody here is all about the specialty beers and all of that .

I mean , I'm obviously not , but a lot of people around here are , and then also in the Northeast they are almost twice as likely to want to spend more time volunteering in their community , and I love that .

I think that adding a component like that to New Year's resolutions or whatever you do is always good , whether that's spending more time helping in your parish or your local community . I just think that that's a great idea to incorporate that .

Some of the most common reasons that people give for not achieving their New Year's resolutions is that they either find it too difficult or they just didn't have time or they lacked motivation .

But the people that were successful said that what helped them is that they wrote it down , they told friends and family about it and that just helped them kind of be accountable and have some form of like tracking system that I think probably helped .

So for those people who did feel like they were successful in achieving their New Year's resolution , the three top reasons that they give are that they had an increased willpower to want to keep that resolution .

They had someone to hold them accountable which we just talked about before and they set realistic goals , which I think is really important , and we also talked about earlier about not setting too many goals at once .

Now you know a little bit more about New Year's resolutions and , as I said , I don't make New Year's resolutions , but what I do do is a New Year's reset , and I'm going to tell you a little bit more about that .

So the first thing I want to do is just give you the definitions of resolution and reset , so you kind of get an idea of why I do what I do . So a resolution is a firm decision to do or not do something . The way my brain works .

If I set a resolution let's say I'm going to work out five days a week and I set that resolution and I stumble and maybe I only work out three days a week my brain is like , okay , you've totally messed up and now you're done , and now you're not successful , and so then I just stop and then I figure I'll pick it up again in the New Year .

I know that's not the way you should think about things and I don't think about it that way for other people , but I think about it that way for myself . So I had to figure out something else that would work better for me , and that is a reset .

So a reset means to set again or a new , and this just makes so much sense to me because a lot of the resolutions or the commitments or goals or what have you whatever you want to call them intentions that I do set at the beginning of the year are things that I've already done or I'm working on , and it doesn't mean that I'm starting fresh .

Like one year I cut out sugar for over 90 days and that was great , and after I went back to eating sugar I've always eaten it a little bit differently , like I have more awareness around it . So I don't binge sugar the way that I used to .

That doesn't mean that I don't indulge in sweets and and things , especially around the holidays , but I really try to moderate that so that when I do do a reset it's not quite as difficult as the very first time that I did that . But I don't do a reset only at the beginning of the year . I actually do a reset at least three times a year .

So I do it at the beginning of the year obviously that's what we're talking about and then I do it at Lent .

I love to do a reset at Lent because during that time I look at the things that take time away , take me away from time spending time with the Lord , and that could be , you know , maybe I mean sometimes it's I'm not eating well or I'm just being too indulgent . So it's more of a fasting than I'm not going to eat chocolate type thing .

It's more of a like I'm fasting , praying , almsgiving , those types of things during Lent . So I up that a little bit more and that is kind of a nice reset during that time . And then I do a reset typically during back to school time in the fall .

I don't know what it is , but when my kids go back to school I get just kind of sad and so I have to keep myself busy and I I mean it doesn't last forever , but I just miss them being around .

So I clean their rooms really well , I clean the house like deep clean everything , and then I organize things a little bit more and I just feel like so much better .

So that's more of like a home reset in the fall , but sometimes I will do a , I'll need to do a health reset after you know , summer , because sometimes vacations and all of that I get a little lax on how I'm eating and exercising . And something else that really really helps me when I am doing these resets is like doing it for God .

That's why I'm almost always very successful during Lent and it's because I'm doing it for God and so that just really really helps me stick to the plan and the promises , because I've made them not just to myself but to God as well .

At the beginning of the year , or actually at the very end of the year , like I'm really excited because tonight my husband I have a date and my mom has the kids and we're going to go out to a nice dinner and we are going to nerd out and go over our year like what we want our year to look like , kind of our vision , things we want to do , things we

want to improve on , and it's just something that we like to do and it kind of sets us up well for the year . There are about five categories that we focus on . So one is our faith and spirituality , and then finances , home and family health , which can be eating better , exercising more and all that good stuff . And then business .

So I own a couple of businesses and then my husband is a professional as well . So we just kind of think about our year as far as business goes .

So we focus on two or more of these categories typically , but at the beginning of the year we usually set our intentions on all five of them and that may sound like we're doing too many things at once , which I cautioned against in the beginning , but it just kind of works out for us . We do write it down and we do try to track it .

Sometimes things stick and something , sometimes things don't . Sometimes things that we've planned on maybe a year or two years before didn't stick then , but we bring them back and see if they'll stick later and surprisingly it does .

And I think that some of that is just developing habits and then , you know , building on those habits and yeah , so it works out well for us and I just really like doing that . I think it's really important to remember . This is something again that I've struggled with , my husband struggles with .

But just because you have a misstep doesn't mean everything is ruined and you can start again . So I'm saying that to myself as much as I'm saying that to all of you . So just because you have a misstep , don't like stop everything and just go back to the way it was . Just learn from it and move forward .

This is something that I really stress with my clients because sometimes if we set an intention to decrease the amount of alcohol we consume or eliminate it all together and then we have a misstep , sometimes people will think , oh my gosh , I can't do this or something wrong with me . But I promise you there's not .

If anything , your willingness and awareness around the way you drink , why you drink and how you drink is just going to help you in the long run , because you're going to , let's say that you do have a misstep . Then you can look at that and say why did I do it and how do I feel now ? And if I hadn't done it , how would I feel ?

Or when you do want to drink and you decide not to , how does that feel ?

You know , in the moment , having to feel your feelings and not numb out , that can feel kind of icky , but that doesn't last as long as the guilt and the feelings of anxiety , the poor sleep , the hangovers , the trying to piece together the night before the frantically looking through your phone to see if you texted anyone late at night saying something that you

shouldn't . All of these things stick around longer than the feelings that you would have been trying to numb or avoid by drinking . I mean , sometimes we just want people will just want to drink to have a good time , but it doesn't always turn out that way .

We might think that we're having a better time because we're drinking , when in reality , when people drink , you're numbing out the good and the bad . So that's just something to think about .

But I did want you to know that , regardless of what happens , if you set an intention , make a resolution , decide to do a reset at the beginning of the year whatever you want to call it around alcohol because you feel like maybe you're drinking a little bit too much , I encourage you to do so and do it in a way where you really have awareness around what

you're doing . I do have a tool for you that will help you . It's called steps to sobriety . It's just to help women who want to decrease the amount of alcohol that they're consuming or eliminate it . It's free . It's a tool that I use with my clients .

It asks really good questions , or it has questions to ask yourself after you have had a drink , just to kind of bring awareness around it . It's absolutely free . Did I say that already ? I'm so excited about it ? Because it's free , I want you to have it and I want you to have it before the new year .

Or if you're deciding that you want to hop on the dry January hashtag and do that , I highly suggest it and you can use this tool . You can find the link to that in my show notes . Before I go , I just want to give you a few tips on how you can be successful

. Whether you are looking to drink less , eliminate alcohol or you have other goals , because maybe you're in recovery and you don't drink , you have other things you want to focus on for the new year . Let's take a look at some of these . The first thing is just to set a realistic goal or intention .

Those are all about what you want to achieve and intentions are about how you want to show up . Maybe just keep those two differences in mind when you are setting your intention , resolution , resetting , whatever . The second thing is just keep it simple .

So don't have too many steps , don't try to accomplish too many things because you don't want to get frustrated and burned out . If you want to just pick two areas of your life that you want to focus on , I think that would be a really good start , especially if you have trouble keeping your resolutions or your goals .

Doing one or two , I think , is so admirable . If you want to do a reset , like I do a few times a year , you just look back at those .

So , let's say , you get a little lax or you fall victim into maybe not doing the things that you said , that you would no biggie , just decide this is when I'm doing my next reset and then take it from there and start a new , because , again , that's what reset means . The third thing is make it achievable .

So don't set an intention that you know is going to be really difficult . Maybe you could set like micro intentions or micro habits and then you can kind of grow those as you master the smaller ones and then kind of get bigger and better as the year goes on . Get specific .

So if you just say like I want to lose weight in the new year , that's great , but it's even better if you can say I'm going to move for 20 minutes a day , I'm going to decrease my sugar intake , I'm going to cut back soda or alcohol or whatever it is . Those types of things are more specific and will help you reach your larger goal .

And then the fifth thing is to write it down and tell a friend . So if you write things down and then you tell family or friends , that just is a way to keep it accountable . And when you write it down and even journal about it , that's a great way to track your progress .

So then when you do get lax , you can look back and say , oh , you know , I felt really good when I was doing this and it kind of gives you motivation to start a new and begin again . Well , that brings us to the end of this episode .

I hope that it has been helpful for you as you think about what you're going to do in the new year or not do in the new year .

And I really hope that if you are considering decreasing the amount of alcohol you consume or eliminating it altogether , or maybe even just trying it on for size , like maybe you're deciding , maybe I'll see what I can do in 30 , 60 , 90 days . The resource that I have for you helps you set goals in 30 , 60 , and 90 day increments .

And it has a lot of other good stuff in there too , like a habit tracker Remember , we talked about tracking your goals . It has questions in it that I ask my my clients to ask themselves after they drink , and I also have in there a .

You can make a list of things to do instead of drinking , so when you feel like you need to have a drink or you want a drink sometimes it's helpful just to have a list to look at and pick something else to do . So anyway , there's a bunch of stuff in there .

I hope that it's helpful and I would love to hear from you if you use it and let me know how you like it or don't like it or whatever . I'll also just give you a little sneak peek at what some of my upcoming topics are going to be in the new year . I'm going to be talking about sobriety versus recovery .

Am I an alcoholic or do I just drink too much ? I'll be discussing the mommy wine culture . I'll have a podcast revolving around hope and encouragement of family members who have loved ones struggling with addiction . I'll also talk about labels . This is a big thing .

I hear about it a lot on sobriety podcast , so I want to talk about that as well and just give you my perspective on that . So , anyway , I have a ton of ideas and a lot of topics coming up . I'm really excited to get started . I hope that you have a most blessed new year .

Well , that does it for this episode of the Catholic sobriety podcast . I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well , and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing .

I am the Catholic sobriety coach , and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer , visit my website , thecatholicsobrietycoachcom . Follow me on Instagram at the Catholic sobriety coach . I look forward to speaking to you next time and remember I am here for you , I am praying for you Until you are not alone .