Ep 24: Navigating the Six Stages of Change from a Catholic Prospective

I'm a wife , mom and a joy-filled Catholic , and I am the Catholic Sobriety coach , and I am so glad you're here . Welcome everyone . So today's episode I am really looking forward to it and we are going to be chatting about how to navigate the six stages of change with the trans theoretical model .

That's a mouthful right , so we'll just call it the stages of change model and we're going to be talking about how you use that as you work through and maintain the level of sobriety that is right for you .

So it's really helpful to know what stage of change you're in , because that can help you look ahead to where you want to go and then you can just kind of see what needs to happen to get you to the next stage . So I'll do another episode in the future about how to journey with and support someone you love as they navigate the stages of change .

But today we're focused on you and it's not that this episode wouldn't help you with that because it it probably will . So keep listening . So the six stages of change are pre-contemplation , contemplation , preparation , action , lapse or relapse .

Now the stages of change model was developed by psychologist Carlo DiClemente and James Procesca in the late 1970s and early 80s .

It was actually developed , originally developed to help with those smoking sensation programs , those like stop smoking programs , but since then their work has been used widely to explore the behavior process and develop ways to move from one stage to the next . Now this model is most often used in treating addiction , making healthy lifestyle changes and behavioral changes .

So let's dive in . The first stage is pre-contemplation , and in the pre-contemplation stage you might not even know that you have a problem or that your habits and behaviors need to be addressed . And if someone were to come up to you and tell you that they think you over drink , you might be completely shocked and even get you know a little bit defensive .

But in this stage you may also be asking yourself questions like well , actually you might not be asking yourself questions because you don't really think there's an issue , but if you were starting to wonder if it could be a possibility , you'd probably be asking yourself things like is so-and-so right ?

Do I have a drinking problem , or why am I beginning to feel a sense that I need to explore my drinking habits ? How come I keep waking up feeling terrible , despite my solid efforts to be healthy ? Why do I constantly feel worried and anxious or nervous about the things I said or did the night before when I was drinking ?

Why does it always seem like I need to apologize after a night of drinking ? So it's good to get curious and ask questions even in this beginning stage , just to gain some awareness . You might also want to do some research about alcohol and how it affects women's health and our bodies , especially as we age .

It's also important to remember that our Catholic faith teaches us the importance of self-reflection and prayer . So if you are brave enough , I encourage you to ask God what he thinks about the way that you are drinking .

Then just be still and listen to what he has to say , and this can come through the people you encounter , the things you read , the things you see , feel , think , etc . In whatever way that God communicates with you , and there are usually many just begin to pay attention .

Now the next stage is contemplation , and as you move from pre-contemplation into contemplation , the need to make a change becomes more apparent and though it might not seem so painful that you have to do anything about it immediately , you're just kind of rolling it over in your mind and after you drink you might have the sense that something's not quite right .

So to move out of this think about it phase , you'll want to do a few things . A good idea is to make a list of the advantages and disadvantages of reducing or abstaining from drinking . Or what I like to ask my clients to do is to make a list of all the things that they gain and all the things they lose due to their alcohol consumption .

What are the costs and advantages of not changing and what are the costs and advantages of changing ? The pros of quitting could be something like I'll wake up feeling refreshed . I'll be able to get a full night's sleep and not wake up dehydrated . I'll be saving money . The cons might be I'm not going to be able to connect with friends or my spouse .

I have social anxiety . How am I even going to function when I do have to be in social situations ? I have no other way to unwind . I will be so boring . The next thing you'll want to do is to explore your motivation . Reflect on why you might be feeling the need to drink less and ask God if that is what he is asking you to do and , if so , why .

It's okay to ask God why , by the way , and he will answer .

The next thing I would offer is to just keep asking questions and evaluate what is going on when you drink and what thoughts you have the morning after , and also evaluate your environment and notice what may be causing you to want to drink and how it seems to not only be affecting you but also those around you .

Now , most of the women who find me and are in the contemplation stage find me because they're researching , and I love research , so I know how researching can feel a lot like action and that can actually keep us stuck in the contemplation stage for a long time .

So just be aware of this trap and work toward having the willingness to change , because without that , you can't move to the preparation stage . Now , as we contemplate the need for change , I always advise turning to the sacraments , particularly the sacrament of reconciliation .

This powerful sacrament offers us the opportunity to unburden ourselves , to seek forgiveness and receive the grace as needed to move forward by surrendering our struggles to God , and in this way , we open ourselves up to his transformative power .

I'd also like to say that if you are a woman who has fallen away from the Catholic Church or doesn't feel worthy to come back home , I get you , but I encourage you to find a priest that you like and trust and go to reconciliation before anything else , or seek out a spiritual director , and if you need help navigating this return , I do coach women who desire

to come back to the fullness of faith but are facing obstacles to that .

Anyway , I just wanted to put that out there , because I meet people all the time who identify themselves to me as a lapsed Catholic or a fallen away Catholic , but have this desire to want to come back to the fullness of faith , and I want to let you know that if you want to do that , you absolutely can , and I promise you if I can do it , you can too .

Alright , ladies , once you have made the decision to make that positive change in your drinking habits or abstain altogether , it's time to get to work and move to stage three , which is preparation . To move through this stage , you'll want to do a few things that will set you up for success . First of all , set clear goals .

You're going to want to establish clear , realistic and measurable goals related to your drinking habits . You can do this on your own or you can do this with a coach . You should also create an action plan Now . You're going to take those goals and break them down into smaller , manageable steps and prepare a timeline for when you're ready to take action .

Put it on your calendar and put little cute stars on all the days that you're able to maintain your goals or achieve your goals for that day . And then grab a buddy , start building your support system by enlisting the help of your spouse , a friend , friends , family , a coach or anyone else who will help , hold you accountable and cheer you on .

The preparation stage is usually the stage when women contact me to discover if coach is right for them . The issue at this point has become too painful or chaotic to let it go on any longer .

Discovery calls are transformative , whether you decide to work with me or not , because I will let you know what your next steps can be , whether you do one-on-one coaching with me or you do it on your own .

But please know that you are not really alone , because I'm going to be here pumping out podcasts and creating loads of content to help you along the way , but during the preparation stage , I help my clients develop a plan and focus on counter-conditioning away from the problematic behaviors .

So , in other words , we work to disrupt that habit loop that keeps a lot of us stuck . This is also a good time to start thinking about finding healthy substitutes for those old habits , so that you can keep your mind and body occupied . Preparation is crucial for success , and that's why I'm mentioning it again .

Surround yourself with a support community , understand the understanding and respect your commitment to sobriety , and be sure to snuggle up close to the Lord with daily prayer , read scripture and make sure that you're attending mass regularly . Okay , friends , the fourth stage is action .

Once you're in the action stage , it's time to put those new behaviors into practice . Start by setting the small , manageable goals . Achieve those , and that will boost your confidence in your ability to make positive changes .

For example , if running a marathon is your ultimate goal but you haven't exercised in years , you would begin incorporating a little physical activity into your daily routine instead of just pushing yourself way too hard right away . That would just cause burnout .

So by achieving these small milestones , you'll begin to realize that you absolutely have the power to tackle the bigger challenges . So , to move through this stage and ensure momentum , be sure that you are taking consistent steps so that you can follow through with your action plan and make the necessary adjustments along the way .

Always have a plan in place when you are headed to situations that could be triggering . For example , bring your own favorite non-alcoholic beverages . Think about what you will say if someone asks if you'd like a drink and what you can do if things get too uncomfortable .

Be sure that you are seeking out tools , resources and techniques that can help guide you along the way . There are so many ways to achieve and maintain the levels of sobriety that you desire . Just be a scientist and test things , ask questions and soon you'll find what works best for you . I'd also encourage you to write things down Now .

I personally love to sit with the Lord and write as I pray , but I encourage you to do what is right for you . It just feels so good to see where you were , where you are and where you're going . I created a precoaching transformative tools workbook for my clients to guide them and help them with this step .

But honestly , a simple blank notebook works great for tracking too . It doesn't have to be a deer diary type of thing , unless you want it to be . You can just use it to track your mood when you feel the urges , how you fight them and if you give in what you learned .

You'll also want to ask the Holy Spirit to work in you and through you as you go through this entire process . You can do this by developing a personal prayer routine , embracing the power of the Eucharist .

I encourage you to sit in adoration before the Blessed Sacrament and just talk to Jesus about everything that this journey entails for you and then seek the intercession of your friends and family on earth and all the saints and our blessed virgin mother to provide the comfort and inspiration throughout your journey .

Stage 5 is maintenance , and when you get to this glorious stage , you have successfully made the desired changes and you are focused on sustaining them . Long term , you'll notice that it is so much easier to resist the urge to drink because that old habit loop has been disruptive .

But this isn't a one and done type of thing , so although it does get easier as you go along , it still requires some upkeep . Maintaining healthy behaviors is key and during the maintenance stage , the objective is to stay on track and prevent reverting to old habits . So focus on adopting and nurturing new , healthy behaviors .

If you haven't already considered hiring a coach , find a spiritual director or join a support group for added assistance . You'll also want to surround yourself with those people who encourage you in this new lifestyle .

If you have people that are negative about it , I think that it's probably best if you distance yourself from them , at least for a time , but these encouragers will help you remain dedicated to your goals and objectives . Now we come to stage 6 , and this stage is the lapse or relapse stage . A lapse is when you just have a slip .

It could just be a day , it could be , you know , a couple of days , but then you get back on track with your goals . A relapse is when you revert back to the old behaviors . Life can be a roller coaster of change and it's not uncommon to stumble back into old ways .

And even if you do experience a relapse , it's not the end of the world , because you have learned a lot from your ability to drink less or abstain completely from alcohol for a time , and we need to remember that while striving for something new . Spiritual warfare is a real thing , so be mindful of that as well . Don't give up .

Always have hope and turn to the Lord , and when you find yourself in this situation or if hopefully it's , if you find yourself in this situation take a moment to reflect and ask yourself if you still want to pursue that desired change . If the answer is a resounding yes , then don't worry .

You can always go back and start afresh on your journey toward embracing healthier habits . I also want you to remember that setbacks are not failures , but opportunities for growth . So seek out the sacrament of reconciliation as needed and stay curious , reach out for help when you need it and , most of all , lean on the Lord for strength and guidance .

Now , before we end today , I just want to briefly recap things so that you can move forward through these steps , because I'm all about crushing those obstacles that get in our way so we can break through and experience the freedom and peace that God desires for us .

So here are some tips to keep in mind as you embark on a journey to make this lifestyle change . First , seek support . The process of change can sometimes bring about emotional turbulence , and it's okay to ask your friends and mentors for support .

Remember that society generally encourages healthy and positive behaviors , so reach out to those who can provide you with the much needed relief . Consider reading books or enlisting the help of a professional for guidance and accountability . Find your why . Focus on the benefits that come from making a change .

For instance , if you are looking to make the change to drink less or not at all , contemplate the benefits and what that's going to mean for your mental and physical health , and then also think about how living a healthier lifestyle can enable you to show your children and grandchildren what is possible .

Let these factors push you forward into the next stage of change . Have compassion for yourself . The stages of change are flexible , meaning there will be days when you're highly committed and then there are gonna be days when you have doubts and fears that can keep you stuck .

It can be challenging to control what's going on around you , so it's important to be kind to yourself . If you ever experienced setbacks in achieving your goals Throughout the entire journey , remember to forgive and get back on track whenever you need it , and set achievable goals . Instead of attempting giant leaps , take small steps to maintain a sustainable peace .

You don't have to say forever , just say for today . Trying to make a drastic change all at once can lead to discouragement . I mean , think about all those New Year's resolutions that were abandoned because they were too ambitious . Just try focusing on small changes and allow yourself to gradually process towards bigger ones , without feeling overwhelmed .

And remember you have the power of the Holy Spirit residing in you and all these wonderful and beautiful spiritual gifts that are given to you by virtue of your baptism . Lean on the Lord . You are not alone , my friend , I'm rooting for you , god bless .

Well , that does it for this episode of the Catholic sobriety podcast . I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well , and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing .

I am the Catholic sobriety coach , and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer , visit my website , thecatholicsobrietycoachcom . Follow me on Instagram at theCatholic sobrietycoach . I look forward to speaking to you next time , and remember I am here for you , I am praying for you . You are not alone .