Ep 127: Five Questions That Changed My Relationship with Alcohol (They can change yours too!)

I'm a wife , mom and a joy-filled Catholic , and I am the Catholic Sobriety Coach , and I am so glad you're here . Have you ever found yourself thinking is my drinking really that bad ? Or maybe you've wondered do I actually have a drinking problem ?

If so , I want you to know that these are questions that I asked myself before deciding to quit alcohol for good , and I can also tell you that every single one of my clients asks herself these exact questions before she comes and works with me . Here's the truth . On the surface , your life might look pretty good . I mean honestly .

Most of the women that I work with are high achieving . They have got it all together in so many areas of their life . You may be working hard , taking care of your family , showing up for your commitments and , quite honestly , your drinking might look perfectly normal compared to people around you . But here's the thing Deep down , you feel it .

Don't you that quiet voice , the one whispering that something is not quite right . If you've been around here for a while , you've heard me say you don't have to have a drinking problem to realize that drinking is becoming a problem for you .

For me , everything shifted when I flipped that question , and instead of asking myself over and over , is my drinking really that bad that I need to take a look at it and reduce or eliminate it altogether , to take a look at it and reduce or eliminate it altogether , instead , I started asking myself how is alcohol affecting my life ?

And that's when I started to see things much more clearly . Today , I'm going to share five powerful questions that helped me figure out how alcohol was really affecting my life .

These were the same questions that gave me the clarity I needed to start making the changes necessary to change my relationship with alcohol , and by the end of this episode , you'll have those same questions too .

They will help you figure out if alcohol is affecting your life in ways that you may not have realized yet and , more importantly , they'll guide you toward the freedom and peace that you deserve . So grab a cup of coffee

or tea or sparkling water , maybe take a walk while you listen and give yourself permission to reflect on these questions as we go along . All right , let's dig in . So the first question that I had to ask myself is what does alcohol give me and what does it take away ? This is where we start . I want you to ask yourself these two questions .

Sometimes it's helpful and I usually talk about this in a lot of the programs that I have and with my one-on-one clients is to either grab a piece of paper , fold it in half and on one side , write all the things that alcohol gives you and on the other side , write all the things alcohol takes away , kind of like a pros and cons list .

I really recommend getting a journal or something that you can use to collect evidence . I like to think of going through these questions as a kind of experiment , as a way to get curious about your drinking habits .

This helps to think about it from a place of learning , a place of curiosity instead of a place of judgment and shame , which is probably how you've been looking at it . So we're just going to be scientists here . You're going to get out a piece of paper or your journal and write down all the things alcohol gives you and all the things that it takes away .

Alcohol obviously gives you something . That's why you are turning to it over and over again , and more than you would like , probably , which is why you're listening to this podcast episode . Which is why you're listening to this podcast episode . Maybe it's a stress reliever . Maybe it helps you connect with others .

Maybe it's a way just to help delineate the daytime busyness and stress to nighttime relaxation . Get really clear on what it is giving you , and then I want you to think about what it's taking away . Alcohol always comes with a trade-off .

For me , while it did help me cope with certain things or feel better about myself , because I was stuck in shame and guilt and regret , that was just short-term ease at that moment . It took away so much more .

It drained my energy for the next morning , it made me unreliable , it robbed me of my motivation , limited my productivity and , most of all , it eroded my self-confidence over time . So how about you ? Is alcohol taking away your ability to wake up refreshed ? Is it taking time away from things and people that you care about ?

Maybe it's taking away your sense of control and peace of mind ? This question is simply an invitation to really look at the full picture , not just what alcohol gives , but what it is actually costing

you . Question number two is have you ever felt guilty or ashamed about your drinking habits ? This one can feel a little heavy , but it's so important to ask it . Have you ever felt guilty or shame around how much or how often you're drinking ? Maybe you found yourself hiding how much you drink from your husband , from your friends .

Maybe , deep down , you're embarrassed about it . You're thinking why can't I get this ? Or maybe you've made promises to yourself like I won't drink tonight , only to pour a glass anyway . I remember drinking before . I would go out with friends so that they didn't actually know how much I was drinking .

Or sometimes I would go out and I would be able to drink moderately . But after I got home it was all bets are off and I would just plow through alcohol like , like nobody's business . That caused guilt . It caused shame . It lingered long after the buzz wore off . So take a moment and reflect on this . Does your drinking align with the person you want to be ?

Does it reflect your values , your morals and your vision for your life ? Remember , this isn't about judgment . These feelings of guilt and shame might be actually trying to show you something very important . So listen to them , but don't beat yourself up . Just use them to help guide you forward . Question number three is have you tried to cut back but struggled

to do so ? Now , this one hits close to home for so many people . Have you ever found yourself saying I'm definitely going to cut back this week and maybe you start doing a really great job this week ? And maybe you start doing a really great job . You are going strong on Monday , Tuesday , wednesday , but then by Thursday you're pouring another drink .

This is such a common experience and I want you to hear me when I say this . It is not about having enough willpower . Say this it is not about having enough willpower . When I struggled to cut back , it wasn't because I was a weak person . It was because I hadn't taken the time to fully understand why I was drinking in the first place .

Once I started to get curious about the reasons behind my drinking and look to all the reasons why I needed to stop , that's when things begin to shift for me . If this question feels familiar , don't be too hard on yourself . Instead , recognize it as an opportunity to get curious . That awareness can open the door to change .

I have to tell you time and time again , in my sacred sobriety lab , I hear women say I'm not really where I want to be right now . I don't feel like I'm super successful at eliminating or reducing alcohol in the way that I want to , but I have come so far . Since I started .

I have really changed the way I think about alcohol and my habit , and I got to tell you that is a huge win right there , because it's all about progress . It's just like when you go to the gym . You don't go to the gym , work out for a month and expect to be completely ripped and exactly where you want to be physically . No , no , no .

It takes a long time , it takes consistency , it takes trying , but every time you make the effort , you are building those muscles and you're building awareness , and that my friend is just going to carry you forward toward finding out what the level of sobriety is that is right for you .

Alcohol freedom doesn't mean that you can never drink alcohol again , unless that's what you decide . It simply means that you are free to choose to drink or not drink and you have peace about your decisions , whatever . That is Question number four how often do you have trouble stopping

once you've started ? This is also a hard question and one that I struggled with for a really long time . I had to get super honest with myself , because , for me , when I asked myself how often do I have trouble stopping once I started , it was 100% of the time .

I know that that is not the case for most of you listening , but that was the case for me , and it was something that I had to be really , really honest with myself about . Think about it Maybe you tell yourself you'll have one drink , but before you know it , you're on your third or fourth .

It's a pattern that can , honestly , just sneak up on us , and it's so easy to normalize it or brush it off . Think of it this way it's a little like opening a bag of chips . It's more high stakes than that , but it's kind of similar . You'll tell yourself More high stakes than that , but it's kind of similar .

You'll tell yourself , I'll just have a handful , but then , suddenly , you're staring at an empty bag . I am definitely speaking from experience here . What I do , though , is maybe I'll decide I'm not going to have potato chips , because I know the road that that is going to lead me down , so I don't even want to bother with the chaos that's going to cause me .

Or I will make a plan and I'll get a small bowl , I'll put some chips in it and I'll eat from the bowl , knowing that that is enough , and I'll put the bag of chips away so that I don't see it , and I am usually very satisfied . You can do the same thing with alcohol .

When you make a plan and you are not going to negotiate with yourself about whether or not you can keep going , when you set those limits and you practice keeping those promises with yourself again , you're building those muscles that are going to help you be successful .

Time and time again , make sure you pay attention to the pattern , but don't feel bad about it . Just look at it and try to understand how much alcohol you can have that feels peaceful . Again , for some of us that's zero . For others it could be a drink before dinner and a drink with dinner . Sometimes it can be just for special occasions .

You have to find out the level of sobriety that works for you , but you won't be able to do that unless you actually try . So experiment , be a scientist and let me know how it goes . Question number five our last question is how would your life be different if you were free to take alcohol or leave it with peace

? One of the things that I ask the women in my Sacred Sobriety Lab to do One of the things that I ask the women in my Sacred Sobriety Lab to do it's a pretty early exercise is to write a letter to their future self . It incorporates their why .

It incorporates a lot of different things , maybe their history with alcohol , their hopes , their desires and their goals for the future . So I want you to imagine no more mental back and forth about whether you're going to have a drink tonight . No guilt , no shame , just peace .

Imagine what it would feel like , what it would look like , what it would be like to be able to take alcohol or leave it without it , consuming your thoughts and your time . For me , this was the turning point , because I stopped thinking about moderating . I realized that that was causing too much chaos for me and it was just not going to work .

It just wasn't going to be possible . Then I started to see that in letting go , I was actually gaining freedom . I was starting to experience a peace and clarity that I hadn't known in so many years , and I was having the ability to fully show up in my life . I was building trust with myself and my loved ones .

So how would your life change if you felt that sense of freedom ? What would be different ? Give yourself permission to really dream about this . Invite the Lord in and just think about what life could look like if you could take alcohol or leave it with absolutely no chaos . These questions aren't here to make you feel bad about where you're at .

They're simply here to help you see your drinking habits in a new light and give you clarity about what's next for you Before you go . I'd love it if you would subscribe to this podcast , if you aren't already , and also share it with someone else . I'll be sharing more tools , more stories and more insights to help you redefine your relationship with alcohol .

Thank you so much for spending time with me today . Take care , and I will talk to you again

soon . Well , that does it for this episode of the Catholic Sobriety Podcast . I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well , and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing .

I am the Catholic Sobriety Coach , and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer , visit my website , thecatholicsobrietycoachcom . Follow me on Instagram at the Catholic sobriety coach . I look forward to speaking to you next time and remember I am here for you . I am praying for you .

You are not alone , thank you .