Day 312: Polygamy, Incest, and Free Union (2025)

family as we journey together toward our heavenly home. This is day three hundred and twelve. We are reading paragraphs twenty-three eighty-seven all the way to the end to paragraph twenty-four hundred to the nuggets. As always I am using the Ascension edition of the Catechism, which includes the foundations of faith approach.

but you can follow along with any recent version of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. You can also download your own Catechism in a Year Reading Piting Ascension Press.com slash CIY and you can click follow or subscribe to your podcast app for daily updates. and daily notifications today. It's day three twelve, reading, as I said, paragraphs twenty three eighty seven, all the way to the end of this commandment, twenty four hundred. We have a number of nuggets, one at the end.

Today, as we talked about for the last couple of days, yesterday we talked about two offenses against the dignity of marriage, as adultery and divorce today. The catechism also lists a couple of other offenses against the dignity of marriage. We recognize that not only are these what we're going to talk about today, offenses against the dignity of marriage, but they're also offenses against, of course, God's law h itself.

as well as offenses against the dignity of each person, right? So the dignity of the man, the dignity of the woman, or the dignity of the children. And so we recognize that These are, just like we talked about the last number of days, these are very serious offenses against the dignity of marriage. And so we always ask the Lord, whenever, I guess, you know, of course, as I keep saying, everything we're talking about is very serious.

We can talk about serious things with sensitive hearts, but we also have to talk about serious things with strong hearts. And so as we as we enter into talking about these other offenses against the dignity of marriage and the summary, of course, of the sixth commandment.

we ask the Lord to give us sensitive hearts so that we can truly Receive what the church is teaching us and strong hearts that we can receive and act on what the church is teaching us, that we can have strong hearts, strong hearts that are willing to be broken, strong hearts.

That are able to change and are able to repent and turn back to the Lord even in the midst of our own brokenness. So as we ask the Lord for these strong and sensitive hearts, we ask him to be with us right now as we pray. Father in heaven. In the name of your Son Jesus Christ, in the power of your Holy Spirit, we ask you to please come and be with us right now.

We take this next step in the name of your son Jesus. We take this next step of listening to your teaching through your church in the name of your son Jesus with the power of your Holy Spirit. Let our hearts be transformed, let our hearts be changed, let our hearts be sensitive and strong, so that we can choose when once we hear what your will is, we can choose to do your will in all things.

Lord God, not just with this sixth commandment, but in every way, let your will be done in our lives. Let your will, let our answer be yes to your will. We make this prayer in the mighty name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. It is day three hundred and twelve. We are reading paragraphs twenty-three eighty-seven to twenty-four hundred. Other offenses against the dignity of marriage.

The predicament of a man who, desiring to convert to the gospel, is obliged to repudiate one or more wives with whom he has shared years of conjugal life is understandable. However, polygamy is not in accord with the moral law. Conjugal communion is radically contradicted by polygamy.

This, in fact, directly negates the plan of God, which was revealed from the beginning, because it is contrary to the equal personal dignity of men and women who in matrimony give themselves with a love that is total and therefore unique and exclusive. The Christian who has previously lived in polygamy has a grave duty in justice to honor the obligations contracted in regard to his former wives and his children.

Incest designates intimate relations between relatives or in-laws within a degree that prohibits marriage between them. Saint Paul stigmatizes this especially grave offense, saying, It is actually reported that there is immorality among you, for a man is living with his father's wife. In the name of the Lord Jesus, you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh. Incest corrupts family relationships and marks a regression toward animality.

Connected to incest is any sexual abuse perpetrated by adults on children or adolescents entrusted to their care. The offense is compounded by the scandalous harm done to the physical and moral integrity of the young who will remain scarred by it all their lives, and the violation of responsibility for their upbringing.

In a so-called free union, a man and a woman refuse to give juridical and public form to a liaison involving sexual intimacy. The expression free union is fallacious. What can union mean when the partners make no commitment to one another, each exhibiting a lack of trust in the other, in himself, or in the future? The expression covers a number of different situations concubinage, rejection of marriage as such, or inability to make long-term commitment.

All these situations offend against the dignity of marriage, they destroy the very idea of the family, they weaken the sense of fidelity. They are contrary to the moral law, The sexual act must take place exclusively within marriage. Outside of marriage, it always constitutes a grave sin and excludes one from sacramental communion. Some today claim a right to a trial marriage, where there is an intention of getting married later.

However firm the purpose of those who engage in premature sexual relations may be, The fact is that such liaisons can scarcely ensure mutual sincerity and fidelity in a relationship between a man and a woman, nor especially can they protect it from the inconstancy of desires or whim.

Carnal union is morally legitimate only when a definitive community of life between a man and a woman has been established. Human love does not tolerate trial marriages. It demands a total and definitive gift of persons to one another.

In brief. Love is the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. By creating the human being man and woman, God gives personal dignity equally to the one and the other. Each of them, man and woman, should acknowledge and accept his sexual identity. Christ is the model of chastity. Every baptized person is called to lead a chaste life, each according to his particular state of life.

Chastity means the integration of sexuality within the person. It includes an apprenticeship in self mastery. Among the sins gravely contrary to chastity are masturbation, fornication, pornography, and homosexual practices. The covenant, which spouses have freely entered into, entails faithful love. It imposes on them the obligation to keep their marriage indissoluble. Vecundity is a good, a gift and an end of marriage. By giving life, spouses participate in God's fatherhood.

The regulation of births represents one of the aspects of responsible fatherhood and motherhood. Legitimate intentions on the part of the spouses do not justify recourse to morally unacceptable means, for example, direct sterilization or contraception. Adultery, divorce, polygamy, and free union are grave offenses against the dignity of marriage. Okay, there we have it, paragraphs twenty three eighty seven all the way through the end of the nuggets.

of twenty four hundred. Speaking of twenty four hundred, this little last nugget kind of Basically that's the kind of it. It names what we just talked about today. Yesterday was adultery and divorce. Today

Polygamy and free union are grave offenses against the dignity of marriage, which includes, of course, that last nugget of twenty three ninety one of the right to a trial marriage. Let's talk about this for just a second. So twenty three hundred eighty seven highlights this. So here's polygamy.

And it highlights the reality that let's look at that first sentence. It says the predicament of a man who desiring to convert to the gospel, right? So this is someone who has a has a past, right? Someone who's not a Christian necessarily, not Catholic necessarily, but that wants to be.

is obliged to repudiate one or more wives with whom he has shared years of conjugal life is understandable. That's a predicament. That is a problem. That is an issue. Now, this is really fascinating. I think this is fascinating, because this is what the church has encountered, right? The church has encountered many cultures over two thousand years and sometimes when the gospel meets those people, when the missionaries encounter people who are living in a way that is outside of the moral realm.

The question is, what changes? Does the gospel change or are people called to change? And the answer, of course, is that the gospel cannot and may not and cannot change. People need to change. And yet here's the predicament, right? Here is someone, you know, in this case it describes here's a man who wants to become Catholic.

who is obliged to repudiate one or more wives with whom he has shared years of conjugal life. That's a problem. Yet at the same time, polygamy is not in accord with the moral law. No, take out polygamy and put any situation in there. Any situation where, okay, I've I I've kind of made my bed here. I I have built a life that is contrary in in contradiction to the gospel.

So what happens? And again, this is a problem. Again, it says uses the term predicament. Yes, this is a this is definitely a predicament. And yet what am I called to do? I'm called to move forward in a way that is in conformity with the gospel, also in conformity with justice, right? Of course, it says the Christian who has previously lived in polygamy has a grave duty in justice.

to honor the obligations contracted in regard to his former wives and his children. So i here's a here's a person. They're becoming Catholic. They're becoming a Christian and they have wives and children. What are they called to do? Well they're not called to continue living as if they have wives, plural

But they are called to take care of those people with whom they had entered into some kind of relationship. They have obligations to those women, they have obligations to those children. Now why am I highlighting this? I'm highlighting this because It is often the case in our lives, where we have built our life in such a way that it is contrary to the gospel. And when we hear the call of Jesus Christ, the gospel's not going to change.

That we are called to make whatever sacrifice we need to make. In justice, of course, in justice, we're called to make any sacrifice we need to make in order to belong to Jesus. So someone finds themselves this description in polygamy or in an irregular marriage. And yet here I am. I'm convicted by the gospel, I'm convicted by the call of Jesus, I'm convicted by the teaching of the church.

What am I supposed to do? Well, a way forward could be, okay, I need to continue to care for my children. Obviously I'm not gonna abandon them. We may be called to live as brother and sister. And if we can't regularize this marriage, we may be called to live as brother and sister for the rest of our lives. This is potentially now sometimes, you know, I might say that and people think like, oh, that's ridiculous. But it is it? Here's the question, is it ridiculous?

Every one of us, when we came to Jesus, every one of us We are called in Jesus even lays down the qualifications, the what's necessary to be his disciple. He says, if you want to be my disciple, You must deny yourself. And that doesn't mean deny yourself things. That doesn't mean necessarily strictly speaking, you know, deny yourself little pleasures or die deny yourself, you know, candy over a lent or whatever the thing is. It means deny yourself. It means die to yourself.

Every one of us is called to do that. And again, if I find myself in an irregular situation. That is not compatible with the gospel. I may be called to do something radical. Of course in justice. Yes, taking care of the people that I need to take care of, still living up to my obligations.

But also realizing that the primary obligation is to Jesus, is to respond to the God. So that makes sense. And just again, I highlight that because there probably aren't a ton of us who have experienced these offenses against the dignity of marriage. I hope not. At the same time, if we are We're called to.

Be converted. We're called to repent and in every way we're called to repent that if we have a life that is not commensurate with the gospel. Now the next twenty-three eighty eight talks about incest and twenty three eighty nine talks about Any sexual abuse perpetrated by adults on children or adolescents entrusted to their care, both, both of these incredibly grave offenses.

Both of these incredibly grave offenses. So incest is what? It's intimate relations between relatives or in-laws within a degree that prohibits marriage between them. Obviously, connected to incest is any sexual abuse perpetrated by adults on children or adolescents entrusted to their care.

It goes on to say it says the offense is compounded by the scandalous harm done to the physical and moral integrity of the young who will remain scarred by it all their lives and the violation of responsibility for their upbringing. So we just we name those things and note that the church consistently teaches

that these are grave, grave grave evils. Evils. I mean, just it's almost one of those things where you don't even need to say it'cause it's like, no, this is so evil that of course, obviously, the violation of family relations The violation of the young by those entrusted to their care, horrible. Absolutely. Contemptible and condemnable. And if you're someone who has experienced that,

Just know that you're not horrible. If you if you've been a victim of that, you're not contemptible. You are redeemed by Jesus Christ. You're loved by God Himself. And you, yes, as the church says, you can remain scarred. But the Lord loves you in your scars, though the Lord loves you in the midst of

The brokenness that was perpetrated against you. And this this this word that the church wants to offer today that is just a word of hope. I mean and that again, of course that word of hope is is for all of us. It's for those who Of us who have experienced this, of those of us who experience any kind of wound, as well as those of us who look at our lives and realize, Oh my goodness, in whatever area I am guilty. Whether that's what we talked about yesterday, adultery or divorce.

Or polygamy or any of these things, or even in twenty three ninety who goes on to say a free union. Basically, what's that? It's the description is a man and woman refuse to give juridical and public form to a liaison involving sexual intimacy. Basically, we're living together without getting married. The word I typically will use is coapitation.

But the this this is a fascinating term free union because in paragraph twenty three ninety it even says it says the expression free union is fallacious. What can union mean when the partners make no commitment to one another, each exhibiting a lack of trust in the other, in himself, or in the future? And that's that's one of the reasons many people now live together without getting married. There's a lack of trust.

Lack of trust that, you know, I don't know if I can trust this other person. I don't know if I can trust myself or I can't trust the future. We talked about divorce yesterday and how divorce is contagious in some ways, that divorce actually poisons our culture and poisons Our world poisons our civilization. Why? Because it breeds this lack of trust in the future. I can't see people keeping their promises. So how can I possibly keep my promises?

And yet, and yet we're we're called to reject this free union. We're called to reject cohabitation. In fact, you know, I I on a personal note, I don't know what it is.

But as I've said many times, and I think I just mentioned it a couple of days ago, for the last two decades almost I've worked with middle schoolers, high schoolers, and young adults. And I don't know why it is, but Cohabitation, living together without getting married, is is one of those sins that for ever whatever reason it just it hurts me in a in a in an emotional way, like in a in a gut punch kind of way.

And I don't know what it is. It just makes me so sad I'm trying to say it makes me so sad when I hear of students that I've worked with or when I hear of anybody living together without getting married, it just is one of those things where I'm just Even if they're planning on getting married, it's it's just so out of order.

And it's so harmful. In fact, we know I think the statistics are on this that if a couple lives together before getting married, if they actually do get married, they're somewhere between eighty to ninety percent more likely to get divorced. So the idea of like a trial marriage, as it highlights in paragraph twenty three ninety one, a trial marriage.

There is an intention of getting married later, but it says however firm the purpose of those who engage in premature sexual relations may be, the fact is that such liaisons can scarcely ensure mutual sincerity and fidelity. in that relationship, nor especially can they protect it from the inconstancy of desires or whim.

The idea of a trial marriage is it makes sense in a modern culture where, you know, you don't buy a car without, you know, taking a test drive, that kind of idea. And yet we realize this, right? That people aren't things. We have talked about this so many times. Things are meant to be used and people are meant to be loved.

And so you don't take a person for a test drive. You can't actually have a trial marriage. There's no such thing. Because marriage, by the very definition of this, marriage has what written into the very core of marriage, the very DNA of marriage is this is permanent. And so if we're having a a trial phase, it is the opposite of permanent. You you're you're trying every part of marriage except for the part that really, really, really matters, which is the permanent part.

The part that says, no matter what the inconstancy, no matter what the whims, no matter what the ups and downs, we talked about this before, right? The you make a promise on your wedding day because you know the day is going to come when you won't want to keep your promise. And you're saying, as I said, I think yesterday or the day before, when that day comes, I promise you, I'll continue to choose you. A trial marriage is

an exercise and I I apologize, I don't mean to call names at all. It's an exercise in foolishness because again, you are you're trying every part of marriage except for the part that is hard. Say it like that. Human love, as it says here, this is fascinating. You know, I I say foolish, but here is here's the church says. And that that's just, you know, that's Father Mike talking. But here, here's this remarkable. It says human love does not tolerate trial marriages.

And I think we all know that. Human love does not tolerate trial marriages because that person doesn't want to be tried out. You might be afraid, I might be afraid of the future, I may be afraid of being able to keep my promises, I might be afraid of the other person or of myself. But love, true love, does not tolerate trial marriages. It demands a total and definitive gift of persons to one another.

And I think it's a quote that John Paul II had said, and maybe this is a paraphrase, but he said this he said at one point he said The person who does not truly love forever will find it very difficult to truly love for even one day. The person who does not who does not decide to love forever will find it very difficult to truly love for even one day. Love wants to say forever.

And it demands love wants to demand a total and definitive gift of persons to one another. And so this is just this what your heart's made for, is what all of our hearts are made for. And we're made for love. As we said very, very clearly here in paragraph twenty three ninety two, the first nugget, and the last thing here, love is the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. Love is the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. And that's true for you.

So I'm praying today that you make of yourself somehow, somehow a gift of love. Make of yourself somehow a gift of love. Because that's what your call is. That's what your vocation is. So I am praying for that, for you. Please pray for me. My name is Father Mike. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow. God bless.