Day 223: Differences in Religion in Marriage (2025)

1633 to 1637. As always, I'm using the Ascension Edition of the Catechism, which includes the foundations of faith approach, but you can follow along with any recent version of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. You can also download your own catechism in a year reading plan by visiting AscensionPress.com slash CIY, and you can also click follow or subscribe on your podcast app for daily updates.

or daily notifications because today is day two hundred and twenty-three. We're looking at mixed marriages and disparity of cult. We looked at yesterday the invitation, the necessity of matrimonial consent and what matrimonial consent actually is. Today we're looking at What happens when there are some irregularities? We'll say it like this. Irregularities that do not prohibit

people from entering into marriage with each other, but still are things that we need to be aware of. So the two kind of things we're looking at here are mixed marriages and dispair disparity of cult. Easy for me to say. A mixed marriage is what? Marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non Catholic disparity of cult would be between a Catholic and a non baptized person. And so we're looking at some of those not only

How can couples move forward in this? But also the question of what are some of the issues that would come up? Why does the church even have teaching on this? Why does the church even have I don't want to say an opinion because that's not

There's some things that are disciplines of the church that might be like a theological opinion. There's other things that are like here's some here's some doctrine, here's more serious teaching, more dogma, kind of a situation. But why does the church have a teaching when it comes to

marriages that involve mixed marriages or disparity of cult. We're looking at some of those today in our five short paragraphs. So as we jump in, let us call upon the Lord and enter into his presence in this moment. Wherever you're at right now, just recognize that

The prayer that we praying at the beginning of these episodes is not perfunctory, right? It's not just kind of like this throwaway thing. It actually is all of us not only calling to mind God, but reminding ourselves that we are in God's presence in this moment, wherever you're at right now. Whether you're just sitting on your couch listening to this, or if you're in your car, or if you're out for a walk, out for a run, whatever you're doing, God is present.

And so when we pray, what we're reminding us is that God is present, but also we're calling upon his presence in a unique and particular way. So let's pray. Let's not wait for that. Father in heaven, we give you glory. We thank you for bringing us to this day. We thank you for the gift of life. We thank you for your teaching.

We thank you for the vocations that you've called us to, various vocations, some that are named in these episodes and some that are not named in these episodes. We thank you for the variety that exists in your church. And we ask you to please, whatever we find ourselves, whatever state in life, whatever vocation we find ourselves in, help us to be faithful to that.

Help us to not resent other people's vocations. Help us to be confident that wherever it is that we are, as long as we're saying yes to you, it is exactly where we should be because it's exactly where we meet you. We make this prayer in the mighty name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. It is day two hundred and twenty three. We're reading paragraphs sixteen thirty three to sixteen thirty seven.

Mixed marriages and disparity of cult.

In many countries, the situation of a mixed marriage, marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic, often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors. A case of marriage with disparity of cult between a Catholic and a non baptized person requires even greater circumspection.

Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ.

But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home.

Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities can become a source of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.

According to the law enforced in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for Lysaity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority. In case of disparity of cult, an express dispensation from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage. This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage.

And furthermore, that the Catholic Party confirms the obligations which have been made known to the non Catholic Party of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church. Through ecumenical dialogue, Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages.

Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between couples' obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them. In marriages with disparity of cult, the Catholic spouse has a particular task.

For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband. It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the church if this consecration should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith. Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.

All right, there we have them on paragraphs sixteen thirty three to sixteen thirty seven. Again, it's relatively straightforward here. We're talking about mixed marriages, disparity of cult, mixed marriage between a Catholic and a non baptized non Catholic. So someone who's Catholic and Lutheran here's Catholic, evangelical, that kind of situation.

Or disparity of cult, which is between a Catholic and a non baptized person. So between someone who's Catholic and someone who's Jewish or someone who's Muslim or someone who's Hindu or someone who's atheist and just not baptized. It it says that both of them require attention. You know, this we've already covered this I think pretty pretty clearly that the church does not look down on other religions, doesn't look down on other Christian communities, but we do believe different things.

And we do believe that the fullness of truth subsists in the Catholic Church and the fullness of discipleship following after Jesus subsists in the Catholic Church. And so, yes, there's gonna be an issue. If here's here's the thing. If couples don't care, there might be no issue, right? If couples are not trying to follow the Lord, if they're not actually trying to do God's will, then yeah, maybe there's no issue. But remember, marriage, holy matrimony, is not

is a sacrament of service. It's a sacrament of vocation. It's it's a sacrament of discipleship. This is the way in which I am planning on pursuing the Lord. This is the way in which I am planning on serving the church, building up the kingdom of God. So keep that in mind. That let that be the framework.

With that in mind, then you can recognize how, okay, mixed marriage, that's an issue. Disparity of cult, okay, that's a pretty big issue. And yet, at the same time, it says in 1634, difference of confession between the spouses, like what they believe and what they profess. does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage. So it's not insurmountable. It's not absolutely prohibited. We recognize that.

But what has to happen, it says the when they succeed they have to place their in common what they've received from the respective communities and then learn from each other in the w the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. So Can couples help each other get closer to Christ, even if they're not of the same faith? Yeah, I mean it's it's possible. So keep that in mind. It's not an insurmountable obstacle for marriage. It's not an impediment for marriage necessarily, right?

At the same time, it says, but the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. I remember um I don't know if I've mentioned this before. It happened to me twice. It was two times in the span of two weeks. And so it was one of those notable moments. And in those two occasions, within those two weeks, there were two different couples and

in the couple, one was Catholic, one was I think at the time it w they were Lutheran. And they both had been married. These two couples had been married into the twenties, maybe thirties of that whole long. And just I didn't bring it up. They brought it up. They just brought up how hard it was

raise a family, how hard it was to be married when they weren't united in the faith. And actually this is the part that struck me as being so like, wow, okay, you got my attention now was both of the couples said, Yeah, if we had to do it over again, I would have married someone Who was we shared the same faith.

Meaning they're I mean, and they were they were happy couples, right? They they had raised their children relatively successfully. I mean, as far as I knew, uh they had loved each other, they seemed to like each other even in in this conversation, and then as that one I remember happened in both conversations. As the one member of the couple said, Yeah, if we had to do over again, I would have married someone who we shared the same faith, looked at the other person with that kind of like

bracing for impact. But the other person was just, yep, they were nodding. Like, yeah, I agree. I agree. And I was like, okay, well, how how come? And they said, it's just so hard. Said marriage itself on its own is so difficult. But to not be united in faith makes it even more difficult. And not only that, but

How do you raise your children? Because if if you sincerely believe that you know Hinduism is the way to go, and the Catholic Party believes sincerely believes that Jesus Christ is the way to go What do you tell your kids? I remember very, very clearly, it was one of those moments I was doing a marriage prep with a couple. They were both baptized, but she still went to Mass and she still had had her faith and and he had renounced his faith. He was an atheist.

And at one point I remember it was y early, early on in my being a priest, in early on and doing marriage preparation. But at one point I remember I'm like, Okay, I need to I need to bring this up at some point because Just it's a big deal. And I asked the question, I mentioned this in other occasions. How are you going to reconcile the fact that that when it comes to the biggest question in life, whether God exists or God doesn't exist, you believe the other person

Is completely wrong. You believe that the person you're about to covenant your life to, covenant yourself to, you believe that they're completely wrong. How do you guys reconcile that? Remember. What we believe actually matters. Now, there's risks here. In fact it says the spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home.

One of the things that I've seen again and again is this temptation to religious indifference that arises when the person you've covenanted yourself with is not pursuing the Lord but their whole heart, mind, soul, and strength. Now, at the same time, you can tell me a thousand different stories of couples who like, Yeah, I was I was so unreligious and and she still married me and then I had a conversion five years ago and here now I'm, you know, fully in

the Catholic Church, you know, or there's a deacon that I've worked with in the past and and that was kind of part of their story was yeah, she was the religious one and he wasn't, he was belonged to a different uh Christian denomination, belonged to a different ecclesial community. and they get married and, you know, okay, he went through R CIA and he had this conversion. Now he's the deacon, right? So he's then the spiritual

leader of the family in this unique way. It's great. It's awesome. And so, and that couple, whenever I talk to them, they're like, oh, no big deal. No problem kind of a thing. And I'm like, okay, well, it wasn't a big deal for you because you kind of early on overcame that. So we know that it's possible, which is gr really great. It's that's that's wonderful. The question is, is it wise?

Now, on the other hand, someone could say, Yeah, but huh, here uh is this other couple I know, or maybe even yourselves, who said, We were both Catholic, we were both intent on pursuing the Lord, and that it didn't work out. Yes, that's also a reality.

That's also is is a real thing. Just because uh husband and wife both profess being Catholic doesn't mean that they're gonna stay united. Doesn't mean that they're gonna love and honor each other in the way that they're promising to love and honor each other. And so

Again, it's not just because I checked a certain box that I'm able to move forward in matrimony, you know, or because I can't check a certain box that I'm not able to move forward in matrimony. But what's happening is the church is just inviting people to be sober. We'll say it like that. To be sober and prudent.

in making this massively important decision. Especially because this doesn't just involve the couple. Remember, the end of marriage is not only the good of the spouses, but the procreation and education of children, the point of marriage. is being able to bring new life into this world.

And to raise that new life in such a way that glorifies God and honors God, you're making saints. That's the whole point. The whole point of getting married is to help your spouse become a saint and to help whatever children that come out of this marriage become saints. That's the point. Now ev even though marriage is ordered to the procreation of children

We know that not every couple is able to have biological children. And so in those cases, couples may choose to adopt, or if they don't have children, they can still live out a fruitful marriage through love, like charity, hospitality, sacrifice. That's what we're all called to. So question, is the way we're setting up our family, is that orienting us more and more clearly towards becoming saints with each other and helping our children become saints?

So again, all these things are very, very important. Now if there is a mixed marriage or if there is a disparity of cult, the church has the ability to give permission or to give a dispensation from that and that's that comes typically from the bishop.

is where where that would come from. And yet at the same time, the Catholic Party will, I think, almost always have to make the declaration, declaration of promise that is, I'm Catholic, I intend to continue to be Catholic. Like this is my faith, and I intend to continue living out that faith in the Catholic Church. At the same time, I respect the conscience of my future partner in marriage.

So basically they're saying I'm Catholic, I intend to be Catholic the rest of my life, making that very clear. I also respect the conscience of my future partner in marriage. So they don't believe what I believe. We don't believe what each other believes totally, completely. And yet, for my part, I intend to do everything I can to see that our children are baptized and educated as Catholics.

Like that oftentimes is the kind of declaration that is made by the Catholic party, and the non-Catholic party has to know that and is aware that, yep. They're not planning on not being Catholic and they are actually planning on when it comes to the big decision of how we raise our kids, they're they're planning on on saying like the decision is we're gonna have them baptized and raised and educated, right?

Not just we're gonna get baptized and then we're never gonna go back to church. We're gonna get them baptized and educated as Catholics. Now, last thing. I hope this isn't too rambly. It's an area where I care a lot because I've seen a lot of these marriages.

Maybe this will be the uh the episode that gets the most emails and that gets the most letters because I know that people who are listening, y'all who are listening, part of this community. We all have different backgrounds. And some of those backgrounds are, yeah, I experienced that brokenness of this. Someone could say, actually I experienced the there's been so much fruit that's come out of

the difference that my spouse and I have, or even the conversion that has happened in our marriage and in our lives. Our our kids are alive in faith and that's amazing. That's those are all good things. Those are all real things that I'm not hopefully

That you're not getting the impression that I'm diminishing any of those, those realities or dismissing any of those realities. That yes, conversion is possible. Yes, a flourishing family is possible. Yes, I don't disagree that. I just like that the fact that these Five paragraphs here in the catechism. Here is marriage and God's plan, here's marriage under the regime of sin, and here's marriage just in this world of life.

Where, you know, we don't live in a Catholic country and we don't even necessarily live in a Christian country. We live in a country with a lot of pluralism and in that sense of I couldn't find a Catholic spouse. I couldn't find someone who believed everything I believed, who was also a really good person, who's also noble, you know, I completely understand that.

The amazing thing, I think, is that wherever we find ourselves, whether that's um unmarried, whether that is married to someone that we share the faith or can't share the faith or don't share the faith, whatever, wherever we find ourselves. The call of the moment is always to say yes to God. What is the life that God is presenting right in front of us? It's not necessarily gonna be perfect, right? Because we live in an imperfect world, we live in a broken world.

Yet every one of us is called to give God our yes in this moment, to give God our yes in this circumstance. So whatever circumstance you might find yourself, whatever moment you might find yourself or season you might find yourself in. That doesn't mean you can't be a saint. You can't give God your yes. Because that's what it is to be a saint. To say yes to God and never stop saying yes. And so, yes, we live in in this in this world where it's not perfect, but

We always, always have the opportunity and the invitation from God to say yes. So my invitation in my life right now, in my vocation, I want to say yes right now to God. Wherever you are right now in your vocation, whatever the circumstances or season is. Yes, just say yes. And I'm praying for you that you do that. Please pray for me that I do that. My name is Father Mike. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow. God bless.