Day 222: Matrimonial Consent (2025)

This is day 222. We are reading paragraphs 1625 to 1632. As always, I am using the Ascension edition of the Catechism, which includes the foundations of faith approach, but you can follow along with any recent version of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. You can also download your own catechism in a year reading plan by visiting Accenture Press dot com slash CIY And lastly, you can click follow or subscribe on your podcast app for daily updates.

and daily notifications because today is day two hundred and twenty-two. That is three twos right in a row. We're reading paragraphs sixteen, twenty-five to sixteen thirty-two. Yesterday we talked about the celebration of marriage. We talked about the virginity for the sake of the kingdom, that reality. We also, a part of that celebration of marriage, we have the matrimonial consent, which is pretty much essential. When I say pretty much essential, it's

essential. When it comes to entering into the covenant of marriage, there has to be this consent. And also that consent has to be a certain kind. It has to be free, meaning not under constraint and not impeded by any natural or ecclesiastical law. We're gonna talk about that as well as just kind of some some nuts and bolts when it comes to the sacrament of matrimony from paragraph sixteen twenty five to sixteen thirty two. So in order to like launch in, let's launch in to prayer as we pray.

Father in heaven, you are good and you are you are God. You are the Lord of life and you're the Lord of love. We continue To praise your name, we continue to thank you for this gift of holy matrimony. We thank you for the gift. of faithfulness. We thank you for even the fact that when we're unfaithful, you remain faithful. Lord God, we thank you for mercy that comes to meet us in our weakness. We thank you for forgiveness that comes to us in our failures.

And we thank you for never ceasing to call us to be more and more like you, and for giving us the grace to be like you. We ask you to please help us to serve you, to love you, to honor you this day, whatever state in life we find ourselves in. We give you our yes, and that yes is in Jesus' name. Amen. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. It is day two hundred and twenty two. We're reading paragraphs sixteen twenty five to sixteen thirty-two.

Matrimonial consent The parties to a marriage covenant are a baptized man and woman, free to contract marriage, who freely express their consent. To be free means not being under constraint, not impeded by any natural or ecclesiastical law. The Church holds the exchange of consent between the spouses to be the indispensable element that makes the marriage. If consent is lacking, there is no marriage.

The consent consists in a human act by which the partners mutually give themselves to each other. I take you to be my wife. I take you to be my husband. This consent that binds the spouses to each other finds its fulfillment in the two becoming one flesh. The consent must be an act of the will of each of the contracting parties free from coercion or grave external fear. No human power can substitute for this consent. If this freedom is lacking, the marriage is invalid.

For this reason, or for other reasons that render the marriage null and void, the Church, after an examination of the situation by the competent ecclesiastical tribunal, can declare the nullity of a marriage, that is, that the marriage never existed. In this case, the contracting parties are free to marry provided the natural obligations of a previous union are discharged.

The priest or deacon who assists at the celebration of a marriage receives the consent of the spouses in the name of the church and gives the blessing of the church. The presence of the church's minister and also of the witnesses visibly expresses the fact that marriage is an ecclesial reality. This is the reason why the Church normally requires that the faithful contract marriage according to the ecclesiastical form. Several reasons converge to explain this requirement.

Sacramental marriage is a liturgical act. It is therefore appropriate that it should be celebrated in the public liturgy of the Church. Marriage introduces one into an ecclesial order and creates rights and duties in the church between the spouses and towards their children. Since marriage is a state of life in the church, certainty about it is necessary, hence the obligation to have witnesses.

The public character of the consent protects the I do once given and helps the spouses remain faithful to it. So that the I do of the spouses may be a free and responsible act, and so that the marriage covenant may have solid and lasting human and Christian foundations, preparation for marriage is of prime importance.

The example and teaching given by parents and families remain the special form of this preparation. The role of pastors and of the Christian community as the family of God is indispensable for the transmission of the human and Christian values of marriage and family. And much more so in our era, when many young people experience broken homes which no longer sufficiently assure this initiation.

As Gaudimet Spes states, It is imperative to give suitable and timely instruction to young people, above all, in the heart of their own families, about the dignity of married love, its role and its exercise so that Having learned the value of chastity, they will be able at a suitable age to engage in honorable courtship and enter upon a marriage of their own.

All right, there we have it. Paragraphs sixteen twenty-five to sixteen thirty-two. There are a quite a few notes that we wanna kinda hover over for just one second. So sixteen twenty five begins by highlighting the fact that what is marriage? Once again, the parties to a marriage covenant are a baptized man and a baptized woman. Now

that we're gonna talk tomorrow about what if you have a baptized person and a non baptized person. We'll talk about that tomorrow. What if you have a Catholic and someone who was baptized but not Catholic? Again, we'll talk about all that tomorrow. Goes on. So baptized man and baptized woman free to contract marriage, which means that there's no impediments there. There's there's no obligations that they have to something else or someone else. that would make them not free to contract marriage.

who then freely express their consent. Now, this word, this phrase, to be free and that term freedom is gonna be very important and it's gonna mean a couple of things. The first thing it means is They're not under any constraint, right? So there's no force, there's no coercion, there's no fear that is working upon them, that's driving them. So shotgun weddings, as a as one example about many, that because of this pregnancy, because of this child in the woman's womb.

That out of fear or out of force or out of some kind of coercion or obligation, the couple is getting married. That could be, could be. an impediment. That could be something that a constraint that would be placed upon the couple and they where they might not be free to enter into this vocation again in a free way. Now, that doesn't automatically make it so, but one of the things, you know, I guess prudentially, there I know a number of pastors who will say that if the woman is pregnant,

then they'll wait. They'll say, let's wait until after the baby is born, and then we'll go through the marriage preparation. Okay, we'll continue to walk with you right now, but let's not just jump into marriage because there's the presence of a child. Why? Wouldn't wouldn't it be better if the child were had a mom and a dad? Of course, that's always a good thing, but we want to also

make sure that the husband and wife or the man and woman are able to enter into the covenant of matrimony in a free way. So there's no constraint. The other aspect of this is they're not impeded by any natural or ecclesiastical law. So Um there are some things that make marriage impossible, some natural things. So one thing that would make marriage impossible is if there were two people of the same sex. That would make marriage impossible. That'd be a natural law that would prohibit matrimony.

Another thing that would make a natural reality, and this is something that maybe a number of people who are listening to this podcast, this is part of your experience and part of again that that pain of life is that one reality could be that a couple is incapable of entering into natural sexual intercourse even once. Because we recognize that an essential part of marriage, an essential part of the sacrament of holy matrimony, an essential part is the sexual act. Without the sexual act,

You might have a great relationship. There might be uh an incredible love and support. You might have an incredible friendship. There might be a depth of love for each other that is real. And that's it takes nothing away from this. But the couple must be able to enter into the sexual embrace at least. once in order for marriage to be a sacrament. Now, again, this is a painful thing to bring up, but it's an important thing to bring up because it's so essential.

Marriage the the thing that makes marriage different than any other relationship is the presence of the sexual embrace. That is In so many ways, the critical piece. We have relationships with a lot of people in the course of our lives. We have parents to children. We have friends. We have brothers. We have sisters. We have so many degrees of relationship. We had deeper friendships.

What is the single thing that makes marriage unique? Well, it's not necessarily permanence, because you can have permanent relationships wherever. It's not necessarily love because you can have you can have love amongst any number of different kinds of relationships. The thing that makes marriage distinct is the sexual embrace.

And so without that sexual embrace, it is not marriage, because that's the aspect of this particular relationship that makes it this particular relationship. And again, that can seem very, very unfair, but let's look at it like this. I remember hearing the analogy of chocolate chip cookies. So, in order to have chocolate chip cookies, you need a lot of ingredients. Well a few ingredients, right? You need

flour and you need sugar and you need milk and you need eggs. I'm very bad at cooking, but I'm just saying but one thing you absolutely need, all those other ingredients, some of them can change to variance degrees. Some people like to put, you know, oatmeal in their chocolate and chip cookies. But one thing that's required for cookies to be chocolate chip cookies is the presence of chocolate chip.

Now, chocolate chips aren't the only ingredient in chocolate chip cookies, but they're an essential ingredient in chocolate chip cookies being chocolate chip cookies. In a similar way when it comes to marriage, the sexual embrace is not the only ingredient. But without the sexual embrace, It's not marriage. Without the sexual embrace, it can be again a great relationship. It can have permanence. It can have mutual support and love. It can have all these good things.

But without the sexual embrace, that would be an impediment and they would not be able to go through the right of marriage. So not under constraint. And not impeded by any natural or ecclesiastical law. So another ecclesiastical law would be someone's not free to marry because

they have taken vows in holy orders, or a preach person not be free to marry because they've made some other vow in a religious institution, or they might not be free to marry because they're previously married. So they're already married to someone else. So those are some of the obstacles to freedom. Now

M moving on. And again, we talked about heavy, heavy topics already so far, but we have to move forward. In sixteen twenty seven, the church holds that the exchange of consent between spouses is indispensable. That's the element that makes the marriage in so many ways. If the consent is lacking, there is no marriage.

goes on to talk about this that consent is the human act which partners mutually give themselves to each other. So I take you as my wife, I take you as my husband. That's the consent. So we recognize that at the altar

The sacrament of matrimony is ratified. It's made real. It's it's real there, but it's not consummated, it's not completed, it doesn't find its fulfillment until the two become one flesh, physically in the sexual embrace. So we re realize that there are The the sacrament of matrimony not only has the baptized man a baptized woman in the presence of the church's minister, in the presence of two witnesses at least.

In a in a public way, they demonstrate, they make that human act, that consent, that free consent, it gets ratified there in that moment here at the altar. But it's consummated, it's fulfilled, it's completed. In the sexual embrace. Because at the altar they say, I'm yours and you're mine. And in the sexual embrace, they live out I'm yours and you're mine. At the altar, the two become one flesh.

In the sexual embrace, the two become one flesh, truly. And so this is so so important. We we need both. And that's part of why, you know, chocolate chip cookies are s need chocolate chips. Moving on. Paragraph sixteen twenty eight talks about this that that that consent has to be an act of the will.

That's freely given, free of coercion, free of grave external fear, and nothing, no human power can substitute for that kind of consent. Now, some people will say, What about arranged marriages? That's a great question. Are arranged marriages valid? Well they can be, but they don't have to be, just like any marriage.

Even in an arranged marriage, that couple that would come together for an arranged marriage would have to be free. They'd have to freely enter into and freely offer their consent when it comes to the sacrament of matrimony. Now If freedom is lacking, the marriage is invalid. if there was an impediment that would prohibit the couple from freely entering into this sacrament of matrimony,

then the marriage is invalid and for this reason in paragraph sixteen twenty nine it talks about this, some other reasons as well. For that reason, but other reasons, the marriage may be rendered null and void. So what the church does is if maybe here's a couple that comes before the church and they say, We had gotten married, but we have reason to believe that there was some impediment to our consent. There was some impediment to us being free to be married.

And there could be any number of reasons, right? And if after an investigation the church says, Yeah, it's looks like that is exactly the case. You after interviewing people who know the couple, after after examining and and having the couple, they go through a process. It's called the annulment process or the application for a declaration of annullity. And so after going through this whole process Is the case that's the same?

that sometimes the church can say, yes, that is true. There was an impediment to marriage

The marriage was invalid. It never happened in the first place. Now there's some times when couples will come and say there's a case for there being an impediment to marriage. And the church investigates it and says, no, we see that there was no impediment to marriage. that you freely entered into this was a valid sacrament, and they're remain married, even if they are civilly divorced.

Again, we're talking about heavy topics today because again, every one of our lives is touched by betrayal, every one of our lives is touched by broken hopes, every one of our lives is touched by broken relationships, including broken marriages. And so I know that there are people who are listening who have said, Yeah, I applied for a declaration of nullity and was refused. I it my case didn't go through.

Others who are afraid to apply for the declaration of nullity, others who seem like it seems like a excessive burden to place upon someone and so they refuse to go through the process. And my invitation is, here is God who is good.

Here's God who knows your story, here's God who knows your heart to if you're wondering, you know, you've been divorced civilly and And you haven't applied for declaration of nullity, my invitation is if you believe that there's a case, if you believe that there is a case to be made that no, our marriage was not valid, our marriage there are or were at least

One thing, if not more than one thing, that could be impediments to marriage, then to talk to your pastor, talk to your priest, and see if he can help you. Now, There is a process. And part of the process is, again, talking to your priest. Part of your process is is going to be contacting your ex-spouse.

uh part of the process is going to be contacting witnesses and asking them if they are willing to spend their time and and remember, yeah, there is a reason that this would be an impediment to their marriage.

But it's not meant to be burdensome. I mean it could be. It can be experiences burdensome. Sometimes you know I don't know if you know about this about church tribunals and canon lawyers. Oftentimes there are too few canon lawyers and too many couples who are seeking declarations of nullity. And so sometimes it can take a year or two years to go through the entire process. Now please don't let that

Frighten you, the process for applying for a declaration of nullity is meant to be a process of healing. In fact, I have talked to so many couples. who have said, Yeah, when I sat down to write the autobiography, you know, the story of our relationship and why I believe that we have a case that there was an impediment, that the mar their marriage, the first marriage was invalid. Like it was daunting.

But the more and more I had to process, the more and more I had to go over the story, the clearer and clearer my own heart became to myself. The clearer and clearer here were our missteps, the clearer and clearer, um I became to myself. So yes, it can be a difficult process, but there are some difficult processes that end up in destruction and there's some difficult processes that end up in healing.

And the process for an application for the declaration of nullity is meant to be the process that ends in healing, even if the declaration of nullity is not granted because there can't be demonstrated there was an impediment, the process is meant

to have an opportunity for self examination, it's meant to have an opportunity for recognizing here's what I brought to this relationship, here's how my choices brought us to a certain place. And It's not just meant to beat up oneself or to accuse oneself. But to go over one's past and just say, Okay, I now know myself and now I know myself even better in in an even better way. I can bring myself before God in this new and and deeper way.

Don't mean to get stuck on this too much, but I know that this is such a pain in so many people's lives. And I know there are people I said that you're going through the catechism in a year and and and I'm telling you, yeah, I I know you're called to be Catholic. And you can say, Yeah, but I'm I'm divorced and remarried. I I can't be Catholic. And I I get it. I get it. But

Try. Just try to take that step. I know that you won't be sad for trying. You won't regret trying, but I do wonder and I do fear that you will regret not trying. So we'll move on to the next part here, but I just wanted to leave you with that and that that note of you're not alone, you're wanted. And and there's healing. There's healing in the future.

Moving on, there is a reason why the church normally requires the faithful to get married inside the church, in a church building according to the ecclesiastical form, according to the rite of of marriage. One of those reasons is that marriage is a liturgical act. Therefore, it's appropriate that it should be in the part of the public liturgy of the church.

You know, we realize that holy matrimony is a sacrament of service. It's a sacrament of discipleship. Just like holy orders is a sacrament of service, it's a sacrament of discipleship. So here's me. I could say that when I got ordained a priest, you know what? Ah The coolest place for me, like my favorite place in the world, is at my parents' place on a lake. And I j I love that place. It's it's it's

Man, if I could go there every week, I would love going there every week. I love that place so much. It's a place of family, it's a place of close friends, a place of so many great memories. And so I could say, hey, Bishop, could I get ordained at my parents' place on the lake? It means a lot to me. And the bishop would would have to remind me, and he would rightly remind me that, oh, here here's the thing. You're not getting ordained for yourself. You're not getting or getting ordained

uh because this is for you. You're getting ordained because holy orders is a sacrament of service in the church. It's a sacrament of discipleship in the church. And this is a day that's not about you. This is a day about the whole church getting a new priest. And I would say something incredibly similar when it comes to the holy matrimony. I I know it's like it's the bride's day, it's the you know couple's day, and it is in some ways, but it's also not in some ways.

For a Catholic couple to enter into the sacrament of matrimony, they're saying This is the way I believe that Jesus Christ is calling me to serve his church. I believe that this is the way Jesus Christ is calling me to be his disciple. And so this isn't just strictly speaking your day. This is the day for the entire church. This is a day where you're declaring discipleship for the Lord in this particular vocation. So it doesn't make any sense.

It doesn't get sense to get married in the woods. It doesn't make sense to get married at some you know, strange location, it makes sense to say, I'm gonna get married in the church. Why? Because this is a sacrament of the church. This is me declaring that this marriage, this sacrament to marriage and family, holy matrimony, is the way I believe Jesus is calling me to build up the body of Christ. So it makes again very little sense, maybe no sense.

for a Catholic Christian to say, I'm gonna get married outside the church or outside the right given to us by the church. Now, tomorrow once again we'll talk about the exceptions to this rule, because there are a couple of exceptions to this rule. But we recognize that when you said yes to your spouse, you're also saying yes to this is how I will serve the church, this is how I will follow Jesus Christ as his disciple.

Okay. I know we talked about a lot of a lot of stuff today. The last thing here is marriage preparation. The church says super important. Church also says The original marriage preparation is the example and teaching of one's own parents and one's own family and the people around you, people from your parish.

That's called the remote preparation for the sacrament of matrimony is yeah, I learn a lot from my watching my parents. This is how marriage works. Either this is how marriage is supposed to work or this is how marriage should never work. Because we're always being formed. We're being formed by our culture and we're also always being formed by our families and by our parish, by our parents. And so from the earliest age We're being formed.

And that part of that formation, we call that marriage preparation. And then later on, you know, you get into formal preparation. Usually it's at least six months. Sometimes it's up to a year of formal, kind of more approximate or more or immediate marriage preparation. And that's typically done at the parish by the priest, by the deacon, maybe by a mentor couple of some sort. Okay you guys hard day uh lot of big topics which

Hmm. Are good to talk about. Really good to talk about. Tomorrow we'll talk about more t big topics and the day after that and the day after that, because the rest of this catechism, I gotta tell you. I don't know say it gets deeper from here, but it kind of gets it gets more personal. We'll say it like that. It doesn't get deeper from here, but it does get more and more personal. So because of that, we're all going to be challenged.

And because of that, I am praying for you. Please pray for me. My name is Father Mike. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow. God bless.