Greatest Hits: How to Stop Negative Thinking

But since I focus on career based growth , I want to talk to you today about how to stop negative thoughts and how to create new thoughts that you get the results you want in your career . This work will help your career and , frankly , any area of your life .

When I first started to experiment with thought work about 20 years ago , I really enjoyed most aspects of my job in agency land , but every once in a while I would notice the littlest thing would knock me over . I would notice the littlest thing would knock me over . I call it the disease of broken shoelaces .

And this is where I first started to experience doing thought work . I could handle the big problems client-based crisis , product recalls that would require multi-million dollar marketing and media plans to be rethought and renegotiation in less than 24 hours . I could handle leadership , getting arrested and incarcerated . I got a crisis . I'm your girl .

I'm calm , I'm steady , I could focus . I could handle the big things . I could see opportunity in crisis . So these are all really positive strengths to have , especially if you're working in marketing or you're a strategist . But again , I had this thinking , this negative thinking that I call the disease of broken shoelaces .

It would be the little things that would throw me into negative thinking the printer is out of toner , a colleague not showing up for work , an error in a pivot table . It was the everyday , benign challenges that would throw me off , and people . This is why it's called work and not a hobby . Then I would go global with my negative thinking .

One crack in my work day , the thinking . I would start then obsessing over everything else in my life . I would be obsessing over my after work plans that I'm never going to get a raise , that we're never going to get the exact share house we want on Fire Island this summer because it's going to be too hard . We better get on it now .

And then it would be like , yeah , and that cute guy I just met like he's not going to call , not likely . I would be in this total toxic soup of negative thoughts and , hey , pop by my desk for a good time with a heat-seeking missile of negative thinking . Not fun , not cool . That was where my negative thinking would lead me .

And your negative thinking may not come from simple frustrations or broken shoelaces . Maybe you're super tight and you've got a handle on the smaller things , but you get knocked with the big things . Everyone comes from a different place . There's nothing wrong if you think negatively . It's your brain trying to protect you .

Being alert , being precautionary , making a plan B is all super helpful , but it's when we let this thinking take over that it clouds our lens and it becomes the default way of being . Or , as my teacher likes to say , it's our toddler brain running the show . It's just an example of an unmanaged mind .

My career took off when I really started to get curious and question my negative thoughts Seriously . This is what changed everything for me . Examining my thinking increased my success exponentially . It wasn't reading the trades or the latest thought leadership paper or networking like a pro that changed my career path .

Yes , those tactics helped , right , but when I made a regular practice of looking at my thoughts and giving myself some space between my thought and taking an action was when everything began to change .

Your thoughts are the biggest thing that you have control over , and learning how to manage them will create a larger impact on your results , more than anything else in your life .

When you learn the difference and I mean really see the difference between what are thoughts and what are facts , you will be able to see that your thinking can change your life and your results . You'll begin thinking in a completely fresh way , because you won't want to be dumpster diving for thoughts . You won't want that trash in your head .

I also found that I had less tolerance for certain types of content movies , media because I didn't want to put unnecessarily negative thoughts in my head . There was less like doomsday scrolling on Twitter because I wanted to treat this vessel of my brain and my mind with care .

The space between your thoughts and your reactions is what helps you get leverage over your thoughts . Once you begin to find the pause between the thought and the action , you have a chance to make a decision to believe different thoughts that will serve you and your goals .

It's the thing that will get you the most impact , the fastest results faster than anything else that you can try , faster and more effective than anything else you can try . Recently , a client told me that she wants to get promoted and take on more responsibility at work .

When I asked her why she wanted more responsibility , she said it's because she'd then be respected and that she would feel better about herself . As a career coach , I'm always curious about your motivations and I want to understand your thinking and your mindset . For this woman , the promotion wasn't about the money .

It wasn't about the prestige of the title or the feeling of personal achievement . It was about respect and feeling better . But Joey's like huh . Tell me a little bit more . She said she always makes bad decisions and that every decision she's made has led to an even worse outcome . That everything bad always happens to me .

She said that she has the toughest boss and works on the most challenging project in the firm . She said she rarely speaks up in meetings nowadays because she doesn't want to say the wrong thing , she doesn't want to ask a dumb question .

She said she's kicking her own butt for a minor typo she had last year in a presentation and she brings it up regularly as evidence for why she needs to stay vigilant so that she won't make another mistake . It's like that constant public caning of herself is going to keep her from not making another mistake , so she thinks .

She says she has to work harder than anyone else just to get the same acknowledgement and the same results . Because she only went to an average university and , my favorite , she's older than her peers and she's lucky that someone with her credentials got a job at a top company .

She thinks that she needs to get the promotion and to be in a different position so that everything will be better . So there's a lot to unpack here and I have a ton of compassion for her mindset and it's not easy when you're in it because you think that an outside circumstance , like a promotion , a new boss or a different project , will make everything okay .

It won't , because wherever you go , there you are . Look , I don't know whether or not she's in a sucky situation , I don't know , I don't , I don't work there but the reality is that she believes she is . So she is coming to her responsibilities , her daily output , her interactions with others , from a position of extreme stress and anxiety .

So let me ask you how good would your decision-making skills be if you were always under extreme stress and had anxiety ? Do you think you'd be able to be a candidate for promotion if you were constantly judging yourself , your age , your schooling throughout the day , reminding yourself that you don't measure up .

What results do you think you'd be creating if you had this negative thinking ? Now I know it feels impossible for her to change her thinking and she so desperately wants to do so . The good news is , she can change her thinking more easily than she can change her role , her boss or her coworkers

. People often ask me how to change their thoughts because we never were taught how to do it . Can you imagine if we taught children how to change their thinking ? People always want to know how to stop thinking . The obsessive , negative thought that they keep chewing on .

These are the thoughts they go to sleep with thinking and they pick them right back up again upon awakening . Sometimes they ask me to give them new thoughts . They actually say I need you to give me a new thought . I need to think differently . I get it . I've been there .

Just tell me what to think so I can feel better , because I'm so tired of feeling this way . But this work isn't the 10 steps to positive thinking because , my friends , that doesn't work . I can give you a positive thought and I can ask you to repeat the thought .

Write out the thought , write it daily , use it as a mantra , but me telling you what to think doesn't work . One , I would cripple you , because when I'm not there then you wouldn't know how to trust yourself and build your own resources for how to make a decision and how to think . And two , it's my thought that , not yours .

And three , you don't believe it because it's my thought , not yours . And on a side note , that would be advice giving and coaching isn't about advice . It's about showing you your mind and teaching you how to manage your mind so that you get the results you want to create in your career .

It's about showing you your mind and teaching you how to manage your mind so that you get the results you want to create in your career . It ain't about vice . You need to be thinking new thoughts that are believable to you . The work is getting you into thinking and thinking new thoughts that are believable to you .

Now , in this moment , you need new beliefs , and a belief is just a thought you keep on thinking . It's a thought that feels relatable , relatable thoughts feel possible , and if something is possible , your brain will start to look for evidence on how it's possible .

So , just like my client looking for evidence to prove that she's not good enough , you can equally find evidence to prove that you are good enough . Eventually you can equally find evidence to prove that you are good enough . Eventually you'll start interpreting the world through the new thought or the new belief , which is what we all do on default anyway .

What's really neat about the study of beliefs and positive psychology is that , when we learn , our thoughts are not facts , is that when we learn , our thoughts are not facts . Something can be true for you , but that doesn't make it a fact . It's just the lens and the feeling you feel when you're viewing a situation . It's like looking in the mirror .

You get exactly what you think you're looking for . When I learned from the experts that my interpretation of the world isn't always accurate because I filter out things that don't support my thoughts , my mind was like blown . Our nature is to only include evidence that supports what we already believe . It's like a plot twist from a book or a movie .

The writers are leading you one way , they're breadcrumbing you , they're showing you evidence of something and then wham total plot twist . If you can't 100% prove something , it's a thought , not a fact . So the next time you believe that if you'll get promoted , you'll gain respect , ask yourself if it's possible .

That's just a thought On top of it , that idea that you're going to be someplace else , that a circumstance is going to make you feel a certain way . It doesn't you choose how you want to feel about a circumstance . The circumstance doesn't control your thought . You control your thought .

So the next time you believe something , ask yourself is it possible that it's just a thought ? Is it possible that you're wrong ? Make space for the idea that you might be wrong . You might be seeing something through an inaccurate lens . Then you have to decide what you want to believe or think . Instead , I'd choose something that feels relatable .

If you are coming from the thought that I always make bad decisions , then thinking I have the best brain and I always make the best decisions probably isn't going to be believable or relatable . So back off a bit , a bit . What is relatable for you ? How about in this example , playing it out , it's possible that I've made good decisions .

I'm sure you can find some good decisions based on this client example . Here are some good decisions that I know she's made just through this conversation . She went to university , she's capable of learning , she got a job , she's capable of making money and she cares about the quality of her work .

I think that all of these are proof that she knows how to make decisions that benefit her career in life . She can choose to practice the thought . It's possible I can make more good decisions . It's possible I can learn to trust myself . It's possible that I can train my brain to change my negative thinking .

When you choose a new thought , hold space for the possibility of it . Practice it . Just for today . I'm going to believe it's possible . I can trust myself . You start to find evidence that it's true . And when you think a thought that is more relatable , your brain will shift from a state of stress and anxiety to one of possibility .

It's relatable that you can learn to trust yourself . Your brain will do this naturally and find proof because it wants to survive . Now , my lovelies , you have to be patient with yourself because it may take some time .

If you've been beating the drum of I make bad decisions for some time , you're not going to change that in one day , but the change comes with both how often and how long you choose to practice the thought . Practice means you're not going to always be good at it , but if you make a decision which , if you listen to episode seven around making decisions .

You remember that making a decision is a committed thought with a committed action . So you make a decision and then you practice , and if you get stuck , get a coach . So , to recap , when negative thinking pops up , ask yourself is this true ? Can I prove it ? Separate thoughts from facts .

Find a thought that's relatable , something that feels much easier to believe . Practice . The frequency and duration of your practice is what is going to bring you results . And when the thought becomes believable , can you strengthen it , can you up-level

it ? Listen , being ridiculous with your thoughts is how you move from a negative thinking mindset to creating extraordinary results in your career . To paraphrase the famous ad man , leo Burnett , if you want to reach for the moon and fail , at least you'll get a handful of stars , and if I only reach for the sky and fail , I'm going to grab air .

So , before I go , who are you getting support from ? I'd be honored to help you with your career challenges and to create the growth and extraordinary success you want in your life . You can learn more on my website , jillgriffincoachingcom . All right , my friends , have a fabulous day and I'll see you next time .

I'm Jill Griffin , your host of the Career Refresh podcast . My mission is to make workplaces more successful for everyone . So if you have ideas for topics or future guests , please email us at hello at jillgriffincoachingcom . Until next time , embrace possibility , be generous , intentional and kind .