131. MONDAY MINDSET: Remove your need for validation

You know, if I would put all this time and energy into content for it to not do well and to feel like that it didn't get the engagement to spend all this time writing. Emails to then not get replies or not get clicks, and even going through a launch and feeling like that, I've genuinely done a really good job and not getting the sales result that I want. And I would say this year I got to a point where I literally just don't even care. I just don't care.

And I think the reason is why I don't care is because I had made the correlation that I was caring

because I was still relying on validation from other people to tell me that I was good at what I do and to tell me that I had a great business. And it was interesting, I had a conversation with someone in my coworking space today about this, and we were talking about Instagram and engagement rates. And she was like, do you care? And I'm like, nah. And I think I had said it in such a way where she actually cracked up laughing. And I said, oh, I said. Yeah, I don't care.

I said, you know, there was once a point in time when I would get really upset about my engagement on Instagram being low, and then this year I was like, well, at the end of the day it's not like everything is just like disappearing into like the air. It's still there. And if I'm building a good brand, if I'm showing up and I'm visible, you know, I've created a body of work that people will go back and they'll have a look at and you know, it's nothing's wasted.

I can always scroll back through my feed. I can turn something into a podcast, like I can do whatever I want. I can republish it. But for the most part, I'm not gonna let the actions of other people dictate how I feel about myself, how

I feel about my content, how I feel about my business, and. Let me tell you, this is freeing and it's so freeing because when you realize that you are in control of how you feel and how you show up it, it's like you are always gonna be in control of your state. You are always gonna be in control of your mood. And you know, I am saying this as someone that has had launches not go well, where it really knocked me.

Where now, you know, I didn't get at the end of financial year the result that we wanted for gg. And it's so interesting that there was once a point in time where that would've really knocked me and it would've knocked me so much that I would've carried it into the new financial year. I would've carried it into the next thing, and I would've started to almost question my belief in myself and the belief in the product. And what I did instead is I just chose to believe that the result that we got.

Was great, and it's funny because, you know, I think the previous financial year, I had a period in time where I think in 90 minutes I made more and like.

One month It was, it was madness. And it's funny because I'd gone into this launch being like, I wonder if that would happen again. And I caught myself thinking that. And I was like, well, who would you be if it didn't? And I'm like, well, I would be the same person. Even if we had a big month that we had a low month, I would still be the same person. My conviction in what I was doing wouldn't change.

It's like, I'm not gonna show up and then be like, well, here's how you are gonna make a month's worth of income in 90 minutes. Because if I wanted to do that, I'd just do that now. Like I don't, I don't need, I don't need that. and this is my question for you, it's like how much do you need validation from other people to keep your energy high and for you to feel like it in your business?

It's like when there's silence, when there's a dip when you're in the middle of a launch and it feels like there's no sales. How anchored into, into your belief and into what you are doing, are you. And it's like the more that you can practice this, especially out of launch in, in a lower stake situation, so let's just say the every day of your business. You are gonna be such a goddamn good entrepreneur.

You know, I had found myself at the end of last year in a period where I had no clients for three months. People had either finished up, they'd wanted to go their own way, uh, or they were like moving overseas. They were pregnant or they were pregnant and moving overseas. And I had no clients for like a three month period. And when I say I had no clients for a three month period, I think that this had happened around like the end of September and I'd made a decision. I was like, okay, cool.

What would it look like to take the rest of the year off? You know, you've got a little GG launch, let's do that. Uh, you know, you've got enough cash in the bank. Why don't we just take the next year off? You can take your time, have a completely open diary, and just focus on being in your business, seeing what's happening with your clients. You know, focusing on give good email, and then focusing on the next year.

And where this was a really interesting exercise is I didn't have any client validation to tell me that I was good. You know, it's like we've all had clients who will give us an amazing testimonial or say, oh my gosh, you're so amazing. And I also realized that, okay, cool. I have nothing currently that I can draw on, where I can talk about, you know, this is me going, this is me where I'm now gonna have to share my own.

Entrepreneurial experience, I'm gonna have to go back in the archives of shit that I've done before and I'm just gonna have to make like this period of silence work. And it was probably one of the best things to happen in my business because I realized that, you know, I could take a year off and I could have no clients for a year, and I could go through a launch and have it not sell. And my belief in what I do and my business would remain unchanged. And most importantly, you wouldn't know.

And what I mean by this is I'm not gonna show up on Instagram feeling really sad. There's not gonna be a reel. I'm not gonna be like energetically fucking flat like a pancake. I'm in a still, how are you seeing me right now? Like I just went out to dinner. I took myself out

to dinner. Delicious French dinner, you know, table for one, solo date. Obsessed on top of the world right now. I may have a period where I feel a bit bummed, but for the most part I'm like, well, you know, shit happens. That's life, that's business. You know, there was probably a couple of factors why it didn't do that well, but at the end of the day, you are great. The program's great. Whatever you're selling is great.

Let's just pick ourselves back up and then let's like, you know, keep going. And I think what's so nice about this is the ability to have a mood and a state that is unchanged by the actions of other people. So you think about it, it's like. Who are you when no one's paying you? It's like, can you still be really positive? Because you think about it, it's like if people are interacting with your content or spending money, that's an action that they've made.

So it's like if they're not spending money and if they're not liking your stuff, well that's also an action. But it's like, who are you? and I think this is where for a lot of us, you know. I, I would say the large percentage of us, we do believe that we are great at what we do. We believe that we sell amazing products and services that we do change people's lives. But I would say that there is a portion, you know, for some people it's gonna be 30%. For others it's 70%. For some it's 3%.

So, but there is gonna be a percentage of. How you feel about your business that is drived by the actions of other people. And what I'm gonna say is, if you can learn to master this, and instead of needing any of that to validate what you're doing, how you can start to do this yourself. And trust me, I am someone that loves praise. I love praise. Like if you tell me I'm a good girl, ooh, obsessed with that, but I don't need that. To keep going in my business, I don't need that to show up.

And I even had this realization with the podcast where, you know, I think because I'm now doing stuff on YouTube, my, my views and engagement has gone down just a little bit. And I thought, what happens if we go down to like 10 listens and episode?

And I was like, no, I'll still show up. I really enjoy. Like, I genuinely enjoy this and I, I feel like this has been the biggest, I would say, entrepreneurial win because, you know, I always used to think about like Gary V and how he would talk about the process. And for me it's like, this is this, I love this so much. The money, like incredible. Like of course I love getting paid. I love cash, it sustains my life.

I've got a mortgage girlfriend needs to pay her bills, but you know, for the most part. I do that all myself now. I don't know where the change happened. I don't think that this was like a switch where it just happened overnight. But I think for me it has been a constant coming back to myself. And this is where sometimes when you wanna be a better entrepreneur and, and when you wanna be able to do this, life has.

Life has a really funny way of them throwing you challenges where you get to practice this. So, you know, having a launch where no one buys, or putting out really good content where there are really no bites or feeling like that, you're talking into a void and no one is paying attention. And in moments like this, it's where you get to check back into yourself and ask yourself, okay, cool, but am I happy with this? Do I like this?

And again, it's like, you know, obviously this stuff, it is important because we are running a business. We need visibility, we need engagement, we need positive feedback to know that people are happy. But where I'm, I'm wanting you to look at this from is, it's like how good is it going to feel? How good are you gonna feel when, like, let's just imagine you on your best day, when you're on your best mood and everything is feeling incredible. Think about that. How good is it to feel like that?

That can be your baseline and you are responsible to that. You are not outsourcing that to any result in your business. That is something that you have within you. So I want you to reflect.

And I want you to think about how much validation do you need to show up? Think about the content you put out there in the emails. How much validation do you need to to keep going and stay the course? And do you feel yourself waver if you start to get no replies to your emails or stuff? Is feeling a little quiet or do you lean in more and do you affirm to yourself, I'm incredible. I'm here to change the world. And even though it's a bit quiet, I don't know what's happening behind the scenes.

People could be moving mountains to, you know, come into my world and buy the thing or shit. Maybe they read the email and it was so fucking good. They fainted. It's like, what's your self-talk when the silence happens? Who are you? When a launch doesn't go well? How do you show up the next day? What's your next move? Who are you when you have no sales? Who are you when it's silent? Who are you when you have no clients? How hard do you believe in yourself?

Do you feel like you wanna curl up into a ball or can you walk and look in the mirror and be like, you know what, it's shit at the

moment. And how stupid is everyone for not wanting to work with you, but you are fucking amazing. You are an icon. You have this and one day. You are gonna have a huge wait list and all the people who are like eh, about working with you, they're gonna have to pay triple and go on a wait list. You know? Can you tell yourself that? But most importantly, can you believe it? so hot stuff, how much of your belief in yourself, in your business and your ability are you outsourcing to other people?

Instead of doing it yourself, and that is your challenge this week, I want you to be able to cultivate that because the sooner that you can harness that, the sooner that you are just gonna be like vibrating higher than a Hitachi, like you are just gonna be up there. Not a lot is gonna knock you. You could be having the worst fucking day. You'll be having the worst day and you'll have the best energy. You can master this hot stuff, oh my God, this is, this is what I want for you.

Practice this week. Practice. Practice, okay. We're not gonna sing. I don't know why does anyone ever do that? Like you'll get to a point and you start singing. I don't know why. I don't know why I do this. Uh, so hot stuff. I love this. I love you and I love you more than I'm back on my staycation. Obsessed. Do you know what's so funny? I've done three of them. I've done one a fucking month. I've done one a month. I'm officially the coolest person I know. I don't think anyone is cooler than me.

You know, it's so funny that when I did this, it felt like it felt really new. And now, do you know what it feels? It feels normal. It feels like that this is what I do. It feels like part of my personality. Um, and I feel like that I'm gonna get to a point, and I would love to get to a point with my cash flow where I'm just like, eh, I'm not feeling it. I'm just gonna go to a hotel. Like that is something that I, I want, and it's something I don't even think I want it.

I feel like it's something that's in my future. Like it, it kind of feels like I'm, I'm getting there. So I love you more than that. I love you more than, or you won't be able to see. There's like a wall the painted this wall in front of me and it's like this, like, it's like a, like an bergin, but maybe it's a marone maroon. It's like a, it's like a ready, dark, ready purple, but it's more like on the ready brown.

It's just nice, like I'm looking at it and I was like, I want a wall in my home that color. I'll tell you what, I love you more than mirrored fucking walls. You know what's wild? When I wanted to get a mirrored wall, people thought I was insane. They were like, why so you can look at yourself? And I'm like, what's wrong if you wanna look at yourself? But I'm like, no, it's a good way to open the space. People had opinions. They were like, I feel like it's a bit porny.

And I'm like, we're not putting it on the ceiling guys. It's going on the wall. You know what's so funny? I open Instagram today and I'm pretty sure it was Vogue Fucking Living has shared like a mirrored wall. And everyone in the comments is like, oh my God, this is so beautiful. And I'm like, pause. Pause.

Six months ago I wanted a mirrored wall and everyone thought that it was insane, and now everyone's gonna have a mirrored wall, and it's gonna be exactly like the Mario Bellini came sofa, which was my ultimate sofa until it's now replica Central. Anyway, I'm so sorry. We're getting a bit ranty, but I do love you more than nice things and nice homes. My goal is to have a home that just feels so inviting that I just wanna like, I just wanna walk in. It feels like a hotel suite.

Uh, so I love you more than that. I love you more than interior. I love you more than curtains, like beautiful curtains with that perfect four where they kind of just like puddle on the ground. Oh my gosh. I love that. Where there's just so much like fabric. Yes, yes. I love you more than that. I had a delicious dinner. I love you more than that. Uh, I had, I have basically have the same thing every time I go there. So I have a salmon fillet, and it's in this like pumpkin puree.

With almonds, cranberries, white, truffle oil, and parsley. I get a side salad. They start with a baguette. The baguette comes with cinnamon butter and salt. I get a Coke zero, tap water. And then I wasn't gonna get dessert tonight, but I'm like, nah, get dessert. Get dessert. You've been really good all fucking week, babe. So I have the chocolate fondant. The chocolate fondant comes with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, and it's on this like chocolate. Almost like chocolate soil.

And they drizzle the plate with like chocolate, I don't wanna say chocolate topping, but it's kind of like chocolate or maybe not ganache. It's like a chocolate sauce. I'm pretty sure it's the sauce they put on their perfe rolls. And then there are blueberries, a little bit of icing, sugar and some pistachios. And there's a little tiny piece of mint on top of the fondant, and I think the fondant is on like a little bit of cu. It's so, it's so good.

Uh, I clearly eat there way too much, but I love the food. My goal is that I can go there, I can take my mom and we can go there once a week and have like a really nice, beautiful dinner and I can tip them so fucking well. And you know, that sometimes keeps me going. Like, I will say if I'm ever feeling a bit flat, I just think about my future. And I'm like, why are you putting the brakes on? Like, you're just preventing yourself from being her. Don't you wanna be her?

And I'm like, yeah, I wanna be her. And I'm like, great baby girl. Go be her. Go be her. Keep going, keep going. And that's what I do. Hot stuff. I love this. I love you. We've got another episode to record I'll see you on the next episode. Hot stuff. Ah.