125. MONDAY MINDSET: "It's easier for you"

How many times have you listened to the podcast or you have seen someone that you like, you admire, or you, you go to them for advice and you'll be looking at an element and you'll be focusing on something where it feels like that they have something, they've got like a one up on you and you are like, oh, this is easy for you.

I used to have this with modeling where I would look at my friends that had these like perfect size six bodies, and they didn't really have to do a whole lot like genetics really helped them out. And I would really focus in on this. I was like, oh my gosh, this is so much easier And this is such a trap. It is a trap because the problem is we automatically will put someone else on a pedestal and then we will.

It's, it's like we start to think about every way that this will work for them and then how this could not work for us because we don't have that. And what we do is we focus on the one small thing and we forget about everything that we have working for us. I hear this a lot in business where clients will, I'll say something and they will say, oh, this is easier for you 'cause you're outgoing, or This is easier for you because you are this. And it's like, I didn't come out of the womb.

This fabulous. Like the amount of work and effort and personal development and conversations and trials and errors and failures that have gone into the person that you see now. Like you are not seeing chapter one. Peter, you are seeing like chapter 15, book five, Peter. Okay. I want you to remember that. So I'm saying this because it is a real trap.

If we start to look at people in business or people, and we feel like that for whatever reason this is easier for them and whenever it comes out of your mouth or you think this, I want you to catch whenever you go to say or think it's easier for you or it's easier for them. Because at the end of the day, everyone has things that they are going through. We all have challenges. We all have things where it is really helpful, but then we all have things that are like working against us.

So we need to stop assuming that someone's life is easier for them because we all have our own sets of challenges. For example, I hear often as well that because I don't have kids, this is easier for me and I do not doubt that I have more time freedom to pack my shit up and do whatever I want. On the flip side, I go home to an empty house.

Every night, and I know some of you are like, that is my dream, but it does sometimes take its toll when I feel like that I've had a great day or I'm dealing something really hard and there is no one there except myself. The only person that I have is me and my thoughts, and I get to go and walk into my bathroom and look in the mirror and have that conversation with them. Sure, I can ring my mom, but it's not like that I have someone there.

I don't have someone, if I have like a, a really big night that's able to like. Put food in the fridge or clean the house or buy toilet paper like that, that is me. And that is hard. And this used to be something that I would have to battle a lot where I look at like my, my competitors in the space and it's like they have their husbands in their business or their husbands are behind the scenes. And I was like, if I only had two of me, I would be invincible. And I had to get over that.

And the reason that I had to get over that is because I don't want to build up anyone's business except my own. So I don't wanna look at other people around me, and all of a sudden I'm being like, well, this is why it's easier for them. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna fucking flick them out of my brain for a second. And the thing that the person that I'm gonna focus on is me. I'm gonna focus on myself because that is the only thing that I can control. Sure. They may have more money.

More assets, more knowledge, whatever the fuck it is. But at the end of the day, they have something. They have something that they can never have access to, and that is me. They don't have me. So although they may have things where I'm like, oh yeah, I wish that I had that. They don't have my brain, they don't have my fucking charisma, they don't have my personality, they don't have any of that. And this is where I'm gonna ask you to get clear on what are the assets that you actually have.

And maybe that is the work that you need to do. Maybe you need to just not think about anyone else, but you have to start and build up yourself. Start putting yourself on a pedestal. Take them off the pedestal and remember who you are and what you actually bring to the table. Now this brings me to my next point, which is the danger of absolutes. We don't wanna become a victim of our own life by looking at something that someone is saying or getting advice.

And then all of a sudden we're like, well, that can't work for me because I've got this. And then all of a sudden we completely tune that out. I've heard people say this before as well, where they're like, I tune out all financial advice that this person has said because they have had this small thing working for them You know, it does feel shit when it does feel that someone has gotten a leg up on something in life, right?

I've seen this before and I was like, if only I was a nepo baby, this would be easier. And it's like, sure, but you're not, so you have the life that you have right now. Let's fucking make it work. Because I really don't think that expecting to kind of like die and then come back and hope for a, a different life. Is gonna be like a good solution. You feel me? It's like we only have the life that we have right now.

We have the business that we have right now, and it is up to us to make the fucking most of it. So we wanna make sure that we are not tuning out when someone gives us advice. And because we don't see ourselves completely represented, that we are not just tuning things out. I see this with clients. I actually, I literally see it on Zoom calls when I will give people advice and they will, I can see in their eyes.

I can see the cogs turning and I can see the thoughts that come up and I will say something and they'll be like, this is easier for you. They don't even need to say that. I'll be like, you know, I would be a bit more outgoing. And I can see in their head they're like probably rolling their eyes thinking, yeah, but that's you and that's not me. And it's like, well, it's never gonna be you though if that is how you approach things. And this is a really dangerous way to think.

Because the problem is we are putting ourself in a box and we are not recognizing our potential. We are looking at who we are and we are being like, well, shit is just not gonna change. This is where it is so good for you to remember what you have working for you. If it helps, write it down. Write it down. And what I'm gonna encourage you to do is to see. Everything that you feel like is a negative. I wanna ask yourself, what is the positive aspect of that? Let's go. So I don't have a partner.

I do not have a husband to support me. Okay, cool. The positive of that is I don't have someone in my ER giving me feedback on everything that I'm doing. I have myself, I can trust myself. What is a positive of every bill Relying on me. Well, I get to then make every decision and I don't get to have someone's fucking ugly wall of hats in my house. Right? What is a positive of not having a car and being a pedestrian?

My beautiful mom picks me up every single day to drive me to work and then take me home. And do you know how nice it is to have like mom time twice a day and have that like little connection and I get to see her? I feel so grateful that we have that. Imagine if I drove, I probably would see her less. We would converse less, and I know that I have that like constant and that stability. That's amazing.

what is an upside of the fact that when I started my business, I did not have a whole lot of cash. Like it was scrappy as fuck because I had no funds. I had to learn at how to do things myself. I had to figure this out. I had to like spend 30 minutes on Google trying to find the most basic things because I had no one to ask. I couldn't afford a coach. I didn't really know anyone that was doing this. You know, back in 2009, we didn't really have the in-depth tutorials. We didn't have Instagram.

It's like you were on your own. So I had to figure this all out myself, and although this was annoying that I couldn't outsource and pay for things, the amount of shit in business that I can do now because I've had to go through that, has been astronomical. And this is why when people say, oh, this is easier for you because you know all of this, it's fucking hilarious. Because I'm like the grunt work.

And the mess, like I feel like that I've had to wade through a sea of shit at times and come out the other side and it's like you are again seeing that chapter 15 of book five. You haven't seen everything that's kind of happened. So what I'm gonna say here is anytime you wanna say or think it's easier for you and then tune out, I want you to get clear on how is it then easier for you. What do you have working for you? What are your assets? What are your resources?

This is something I did really early on in my business. My mom had these, like Tony Robbins tapes, Anthony Robbins, and I put on these Anthony Robbins tapes. And I remember listening to them like really late at night. I was still living at home with my mom, had my Pilates studio. I had this like, what is like a boombox thing, whatever it's called, where you put like the cassette tapes in. And I had to play it really, really low.

Like really low because my mom was sleeping and I remember writing this thing was like a resource list, and he was like, write all of the resources that you have. And I remember, he's like, you know, think of everything. And I wrote down things where it's like, I'm young, I'm fucking hot, like I'm a go-getter. And I wrote things down that I had working for me.

And even though at the time I didn't really have any money and I didn't really know what the fuck I was doing, I knew that I still had elements that were working for me. So this is where you have to be so committed to finding out what do you have working for you? You have to recognize it. And you have to remember it. And if you feel like that something is working against you, ask yourself, can I change this? Can I change it or can I accept it?

And if you cannot change it, you then have to accept it and know that we all have things in life that are working for us. We have things that are working against us. So, you know, when I'm telling you things, when I'm saying this advice and you are like, you're making this sound really simple. You don't know what I like, what I'm going through, and it's like, sure, I don't know what you're going through, but you also don't know what I've been through. Isn't that fun?

Because at the end of the day. You need to ask yourself. What outcome are you after? And it's like you can't really hold two things true in the moment if you are trying to get a different outcome. You know, you could be even listening to this podcast and being like, I wish that I could just speak. I wish I could do this, but I'm really bad at this. You can't hold, I wanna get better at this, and I am bad at this. You cannot hold both of those thoughts and make them both true.

So this is where you have to make a decision on. What one do I wanna be true? And go through that process and just fuck that belief off that, oh, this is easy for Peter. She's a natural communicator because you haven't seen everything that I've had to go through to get to this point. Oftentimes what we look at in other people and we deem, oh, that must be easier for them. It's not. They've just decided to choose their hard and work through the hard parts.

And again, you are seeing that endpoint you are seeing. Outcome of all of that hard work. Yes. People have things going for them. Yes. They also have things against them. That is just life. That is what makes it fun. And this is where you get to own this as part of your story. And something that has really helped me is. Anytime. I feel like that stuff is just feeling really shit and I'm feeling like a bit victimy.

I remember how cool is it when I get to come out the other side of this and then I like, I've had my win. I've, I've gotten that end point where I've got my win. How cool is it that I get to be an example of what is possible for someone else? How cool is it that I get to be an example of someone that can thrive and have a business? And be single. How cool is it that I get to be an example of someone that starts again? How cool is it that I get to be this?

And you know, no one ever likes to watch like a fucking movie or read a book where it's like the character has just had like win after win after win. We do like to see ourselves represented and we love to, to see that example of possibility for us. So I want you to remember that if you feel like that everything is working against you and that life is hard, you get to be the example of what is possible.

This is something my unofficial mentor, Brooke Castillo would say, uh, is when she had her goal to make a hundred million dollars a year as a life coach. She is like, I wanna be an example of what is possible. And let me tell you that just that changed something in my brain. I was like, I'm obsessed with this. So your challenge for this week.

I want you to identify a place in business or a thought that you've been having where you've been saying, oh, it's easy for them and I want you to think, how can I create this for myself? And then I want you to also get clear on what are the parts that are actually helping you out. What do you have working for you? Create a catalog of those resources. Oh, hot stuff. I love this. I love this. I love you.

I love you more than my crisp, my crisp little can of Diet Coke not sponsored, but it should be a nice little slim, sexy can. love you more than that. I love you more than we have a shelf here. It's like a, a little shelf. They've got the phone. If it's perfect height, I've got my elbow. It's perfect. I've got, I'm like so comfortable right now.

I'm like, they did, they know that when they installed this shelf at that height, that my arm would be in the perfect height for my shoulder position and the amount of comfort that I would have. I love this. What a whim. I love you more than my coat. Uh, I said in one of the other episodes that I just feel at the moment, like, my wardrobe is good. I'm having a good wardrobe moment. The amount of like curation that has gone into this, you know, I wanted to get like a big fluffy coat for a while.

I bought this last year with credit card points and I love it. I get compliments on it all the time. I feel like an icon and you know, I'm dressed quite simply. I've got on just like a, a cook eye stretch. Long maxi dress. It's like a, a tank dress in this like slate gray with like a bit of blue in it.

I've got on some really nice little heels and my coat and I just ran up the street before with my big Sunny's on for a coffee and my, I bumped into someone on the street and she's like, oh my God, I love it. She look amazing. And it's funny because I'm like, there's really no effort that has gone into this outfit. Something that I do is I make sure that all my pieces. Like match.

So I make sure that like if I grab three dresses and three coats, I know that I can make like multiple outfits out of that by multiple. It's like putting a different dress with a different coat, but for the most part it's like I like things to match. So I think that that is working really well for me. I am loving you more than this whole year. It has been a really. A really good year.

The, the clients that are coming in, the content that's, that I've put out there, I think the changes in my business, like we've leveled up the podcast stuff is feeling really, really good. And it's really nice because I think so much of entrepreneurship, everything is drawn out. It's long game. Sometimes you'll do something and you're not gonna see. The results of that for a while, and that can be fucking annoying.

Like, trust me when I say I'm really impatient, like when I'm coming on here and I'm like, guys, I know how hard it is when you feel like that everyone has everything you want. Like I have been through everything. Like I, I know how you're feeling, I know all of this, and. You know, I think this is why, and I love how Gary V says, you know, you've gotta love the process because the process is your business. And what's been really good is all of these changes that I've made.

So things where it's like, let's level up the podcast video. The amount of satisfaction I have when I go and like edit this, it feels like actually good. It feels joyous. I, I'll admit editing the podcast is a bit time consuming, but it's nice to go and look back and see the genuine growth that we've had with it. And I know that you are loving it, so thank you for that.

And I can't wait until this year finishes and I can see the growth that we've had again, and I think that's the thing in business, it's like everything will just slowly compound. It's like it gets better in these like little micro moments. Sometimes we'll have this huge shift. They're always fun, but it's not oftentimes until we, we, we stop and we almost like turn around and we look back at where we've come from and we see all the growth that we've got. Oh my gosh. It's such a good feeling.

So if you haven't already, maybe do that. Maybe just like stop and be like, who was I at the start of the year? Who was like, January? Me? What were they doing? Who were they? And ask yourself how you've grown and if you feel a bit disappointed, I think this is where you then get to obviously make that decision of it's like, okay, cool. I feel really disappointed with where I am. Why and what am I gonna do next? And I have periods like that. I have periods like that.

Like I'm in my like weight loss, healthy era. And I'm kind of loose. I loosely do it because the thing is I'm like, well, I look great now. I've got great wardrobe, but there's still a part of me where it's like, yeah, I need to take my health a little bit more seriously. I wanna fit back into my old wardrobe. And you know, when stuff like that happens, it's like, do I get annoyed? Oh, like, yeah. But then it's like, okay, cool baby girl.

If this is something that you want, then you have to make a decision and you've gotta kind of like move through the hard, you've gotta move through the hard and you need to think about future you. And then I get to, of course, make that decision. Okay, sweet. Let's make this change and then I get to make the change. And yeah, I think that's all I'm gonna say there. So hard stuff. I hope you love this episode as much as I love you, and let me tell you, that's a lot. Ah.