Okay, this episode is inspired by something that just happened to me then, and I reckon in business Oh look, I don't want to say this is my superpower, this is something that I actively have to do every day. You know your friend that's like, I'm practicing patience. And they are the most non-patient person ever, but they are aware that they have a patient's problem. For me, the thing that I needed to work on is I'm fucking bothered. I'm bothered by everything.
I'm bothered by every, like literally everything. I don't know if it's a Virgo thing that I was like, I feel my aim in life should be to be unbothered. And the reason that I wanted to be unbothered is I would look at people and they would just be so happy all the time, and I'm like, I think you are happy because you're just generally unbothered by things.
I also saw in entrepreneurship that the people that made something of themselves, that accomplished something great, they were just generally unbothered. Like their clients being a prick, unbothered. They had like a bad sales week, unbothered, right?
And it's not to say that they don't care, but I think sometimes that when we get really bothered by things, we can start to make like really irrational decisions or what happens is then like our emotions come in, and they take over, and then they drive the car into the fucking wall, okay? A. K. A. we fuck our business. So I just had an event just then. An online event, you know, I think this is my seventh one. I've been teaching it in person as well.
And then this was, I think it was the third time that I've done it online. And we had like 25 people registered, which I was like, oh, it's a bit on the low side, but you know, it is what it is. And guess what? No one turned up. No one turned up. Uh, I was sitting waiting and you know, normally we have some people come in early and no one's there early. And I'm like, that's fine. 10 o'clock rolls around. No one's there. 10. 01, 04. And at 10. 04, I felt myself.
And I felt myself being, like, going through the stages of grief, of, Oh my god, am I terrible? Or, oh, shit, like, did I do a bad job? All the stuff, all the stuff came up. And, you know, it's, I'm in my co working space, everyone knew that I had an event this morning, people are walking past me because it's all windows, they're looking at me, smiling, and I feel like in that moment I could have felt like a fucking loser. But instead I was like an unbothered queen.
How I got to that point, a couple of things is I have a podcast episode on this, actually, it's called craft your spite story. And something that really helps me in business is spite and to do things out of spite. And you know, this could be something where you just like, basically tell yourself a story that gets you through. So for me, I was like, you know what, one day I'm going to be 10, 000 bucks an hour with a two year wait list.
And people will be like, Oh my god, I remember that time I registered for her workshop and she used to do incredible Q& A's where she would answer anything and Ice didn't even turn up. And I was like, yeah, yeah bitch, but that's not gonna happen unless you get on and you record this fucking workshop. So did I do the workshop even though no one was there? Yes. Did I record it? Yes. Did I do it even though we, like I, I have this recorded, what, Four times already. Three times already.
Yes. I still did it because you just have to keep a commitment to yourself. Otherwise you don't realize that this permeates everything else. And you know, it's really interesting that I feel fine. Like it's 11 o'clock now. So I'm recording this. I had booked the meeting room. I was like, well, let me just do a podcast. Uh, you know, I feel actually fine. I feel unbothered. I will probably get to two o'clock and people will be like, how was your event?
And I'll have to stop and think about, oh yeah, it was great. And then there'll be like, how many people turned up? And I'll be like, none. And it's so interesting that I think sometimes, you know, again, what fucks us is the emotions that we attach to things. It's like, you know, coming from like a health and fitness background. Sometimes clients would come to me and their injury wouldn't actually be the problem.
They would have these like really random, like little coping mechanisms that their body would be doing. And it's like their neck actually wasn't the problem. It was their dicky shoulder that was protecting their neck. So we had to focus on the shoulder. So this is, this is the same in business and we want to make sure that our emotions don't take over and fuck our business and fuck our day. And the best way for us to do that is to be unbothered.
You know, I feel that this is something where you'll hear people say about being unattached. Like you need to be unattached and I feel sometimes you could be like, I understand that in theory, but the practice of that just feels really overwhelming and it can. So how can we do that? I think, you know, there are a couple of tips. I'm going to always give you like what I do and what I would tell my clients.
And then it's up to you to kind of try things on, see if it, if it fits you, you know, let it work within the stuff in your little business wardrobe. Give it a chance. Maybe you love it. Maybe you don't. so the first thing is to go to both ends of the spectrum. So if we look at the workshop that no one turned up to, you know, what is the worst case scenario? What is the best case scenario? Like how can we make it super negative, super positive.
The negative is I'm terrible and I'm never going to feel an event again. And that people are going to realize that I'm a phony. And that, uh, I'm terrible. It's, it's so funny because I'm even saying this being like, well I don't even know what to say because I just know that that's not true. Um, because I've done a lot of work on this. So for you, your negativity, you may be able to fill a fucking 30 page book with shit, okay?
You're going to get to a point though listening to this podcast where you're going to be able to struggle to make a sentence. But then if we look on the other side, I was like, well, what's, what's the positive? Great. You've got more time to record a podcast. You get to now practice different examples. you know, you normally give the same example. Sometimes you get a little distracted. If someone asks you a question, let's actually see how quickly you can run through this.
How quickly can you teach this workshop? So that if you have a really great opportunity and someone's like, we've got a 20 minute slot, what can be done in that time? Like, how can we kind of use this as a way to test? And then if someone. wants to watch it or they can't, they, they don't have a lot of time. You now have this real quick thing that you can send to them. Okay. So that's the first thing that I did. I kind of will look at both, both sides. I go super positive, super negative.
And then from that, I kind of will end up somewhere in the middle. That's the first step. The second step or second thing that you can do is your spite story. So this is where you're like, you know what, be incredible. People will look back. They're going to regret. Or, know, one day they're gonna be ready to work with me and I'm gonna say that I've got a two year wait list and they're fine to wait because we both know that we're worth it.
You know, there is gonna be something that you can say to yourself that is going to just stand out and be like, yeah, that feels really good. And the whole thing is with this is not about to fuck the other person. It's not like, well, fuck them. just forget about your customer for a second. This is about you. This is about you. This is about your state. This is about you feeling good.
And the reason that this is important is it's like, I think sometimes when we go to customer focus, we can forget about ourselves. We are still important because we are the person that drives our business, that does everything in our business. And if we don't look after and nurture the entrepreneur, the business fucking dies. So this is right now about you. So, the best thing for you to do is to tell yourself something that makes you feel good.
What we want is if we can imagine like a little emotion ladder, where like happiness is up the top and feeling really sad and like depressed is like down the bottom. This is getting us up on the ladder, okay? It's getting us more energy, it's getting us in a better state. So, have that spite thought, have it. What is it? What is the story? You can make this really fucked up as well. Like no one has to hear this. You can message it to me. I'm not going to judge.
Uh, but just, just make it and just think about it. Think about it right now. Think about something that feels good. maybe like give yourself a minute or two and hopefully you should be feeling a bit more neutral. Okay. What, what should happen is it's almost like water finding its own level. It's like, we are just coming back into this beautiful leveled state where you then feel good.
Okay. The third thing, it is easy to be unbothered when you know exactly where you're going uh, I saw something on TikTok the other day, which is my, it's, I feel like TikTok is my new Wikipedia. Do you remember when like you would reference Wikipedia and your teacher would be like, not a credible source. Now that's my TikTok. And I saw something the other day and someone said that. Um, you know, roadblocks in the path are not roadblocks. They are the path. It was, it was something like that.
And I was like, Oh shit. Yeah, that's right. You know, I have been really guilty at times of feeling like that things are working against me. Like I've had this week, the worst allergies, like the worst. I still don't sound a hundred percent. My nose has just been bleeding this morning. I have to get better because I have surgery next week. There's just so much happening. And I think sometimes, you know, I've been really guilty of getting annoyed.
Because I'm like, Oh, you know, this is affecting business or this is affecting my path or this is affecting whatever. But it's like, but this is my path. You know, I think a lot of us just expect this perfect run. But the cool thing is that when, especially if you are in a mentoring capacity, not having a perfect run makes you such a fabulous mentor.
Because I know for me, I'm going to have a client that probably one day is going to say, Hey, I am so paranoid about having a workshop where no one turns up and I'll be like, Oh babe, I've got you. I've experienced that. And I'm here to tell you that that's fine. And look at me, I've got a thriving business, you know? So what we can think about here is we like get clear on where you're going and what this looks like, right? If you don't know that, I do have an offer. I'll link it below.
Who are you becoming? But get clear on where you are going and what this looks like. And this is where whatever is kind of fucking with your vibe, with your aura, whatever it is, Know that this is meant to be there on that path, okay? This is not just something that's fucking up your day. It's not like an inconvenience. This is actually part of the path, and we just have to accept it.
This is where Brooke Castillo would say, you know, 50 percent of your life is filled with negative emotion, and the sooner you can accept that, the happier you'll be. And I remember when I heard that, I felt a bit annoyed because I wanted to be happy all the time. And I was like, how unrealistic to expect that you are going to wake up and be happy every day. Because the problem is if you're happy every day, you have no baseline and it's the same in business.
So whatever you are, whatever you are truly bothered about, know that this is happening. So the good feels really, really good. And then what you will start to do is, you know, even from the start of this episode to now, I am hoping that you are feeling a little less bothered. Okay. And this will become a really quick process. So when I feel like I'm bothered by things, I will go through this process. So let's have another example. Dating.
I sometimes I'm really bothered by my relationship status. I'm like, I want to be married. I want my first husband. This is annoying. Like where is he kind of like Charlotte from sex in the city. I'm like, where is he? And I get really bothered by this. So what I do is I go to both ends of the spectrum. Okay, cool. What would it look like to be in a relationship? It's amazing. What would it look like to be in a relationship? It's terrible.
What would it look like to be single and super happy versus unhappy? Okay. And I run all of these scenarios. Then I do a spite story and I'm like, you know what? One day I am going to be in a relationship and I'm probably going to have men that come back and be like, wow, I really fucked up. And I'll be like, haha, yeah, you did. Or I will probably walk past people on the street who they're like, wow, it's my dream girl. And I just don't have the balls to talk to her.
And I'll be like, well, that's on you because I want a guy and he's masculine. It's going to come up and approach me. And then what I do is I think about where I'm going. You know what? One day I will be married or if not, I'm going to have an incredible life. If someone is here, if someone is not, it is not going to mean that I'm going to have a terrible life. I'm going to have a fucking amazing life. Okay. Uh, let's have another example.
Let's pretend that I really want to work with a client and I want them to join something and they don't, they go to my competitor. Fuck that stings. I look at both ends of the spectrum. Imagine if they came to me and they're a terrible client, because I think sometimes we assume that the thing that we're missing out on is going to be. It's like, we're actually missing out on something and it's going to be better if we had it, you know, that's not always the case.
That client could be a nightmare. So I imagine all the scenarios. What if they were awful? What if they did a charge back and a refund request? What if they stole my IP or what if they were the best client? How good is this? Like I run the scenarios, I visualize everything. Then I do a spite story and I'll be like, well, you know what? They're probably going to be ready to work with me and my price is going to be double. And this is going to be a really costly mistake.
It's going to be costly with money and costly with time because they should have worked with me first because I'm fucking amazing. Of course I am. I'm Peter. I'm the professional babe. Then what I do, I think about where I'm going. I think about the businesses I'm going to impact. I think about. You know, everything that I'm going to do, how incredible it's going to be, how awesome I am, all the clients that I'm going to impact, like everything. And then, Oh, I feel good. I'm unbothered.
I'm unbothered. And I get on with my fucking day. And if this feels simple, it's meant to be simple because it's meant to be something that you can just go through this process. It's not something where you need to be like, I need to have half a fucking day off and fill my journal. And I need to just meditate and he needs to tap and draw a card. And like, no, no, no, no. That's indulgent. You know what? We just have to be an unbothered queen.
Because when you are truly as good as you are, and you are incredible, the worst thing that you can do is stay in this state of fuckery, which prevents you from moving forward to this incredible end point, which prevents you from doing amazing things, and everything that you are here to do, everyone that you are here to serve, okay? So, your task for this week is be unbothered queen, be unbothered. Me Unbothered be fabulous. Uh, I love this. I love you.
I love you more than um, how great I look at the moment. I think I'm ovulating this week and I just look amazing. I've gotten this like little brown slip dress. It was so cheap. It was from Sports Girl. I think it was like 24. 95 on sale. We love that. I've just got some stilettos. And I'm just totting around the office. I've already had four people compliment my outfit this morning, which is a lot considering I've been in this little room for like 90 percent of the time that I've been at work.
So we love a compliment. We love an outfit. We love a cheap dress. I feel like I just gave you a lot then than there. Uh, what else do I love you more than? I love you more than every time we come into work, we have these like little caramel sweeties on the front desk. So I love you more than that. We love free candy and we love when it's readily available. Uh, I love you more than my hair. My hair looks so good. It's so funny because it's It's so much shorter. I used to have really long hair.
It was down to my belly button. And I feel like my hair held a bit of my identity. I get so many compliments on my hair now because everyone's like, God, it sits really good. It's really nice. And it just Yeah, it looks good. It looks good. It's got movement, it's doing things, it's highlighting the girls nicely, it's not hiding them, it's like framing them. Uh, and my boobs look immaculate. So, I love you just as much as them. One of my best assets.
Um, anyway, hot stuff, have the best day, have the day that you deserve, have the week that you deserve. Go get your cash, go get your money, go get your compliments, and go forth and be awesome.