Get the Money and Run | 5. Two Too Many

whole bed's money. And it's not a lot of money, like, it's not thick, it's not like I'm you know, it's like a pillow of money. But it's enough to spread all over the place. And so I spread it out and I decide I'm gonna do that cheesy thing where you lie down in it, like you've seen in every movie or a TV show where people were like, get all this money. You know, I've been raised poor. It's a lot of fucking money to look at. And so

I lie down on it. I'll fall flat on it, just drop on it, flip over, and I'm lying on it. Very quickly, I started realizing, ah, shit, I think I stepped on shit because I smell shit in my room, and I'm like, oh, now, I do that like a real pungent, fucking craps, like someone chunk of deuce right there. So I get up and immediately I look at the bottom of my shoes. It's no shit. I look around, like,

what is that smell of shit? Man? I can't find it, and it's driving me crazy, and I'm smelling my fingers and I realized, oh, oh, it's a little faint something there and I look down at the money and I have a realization, oh shit, might be the money. I get on my knees. I've been forward, put my face all around it, and like, oh fuck, yes it's the money, man, the money. Just people wipe their ass and they go and they pull money out and they just their hands.

There's a dirty, fuck grubby hands on all this money. Imagine all the people whose greasy hands have been on this thing. Right, it smells like someone dumped a grumpy right there. Man. It was terrible. It was like, oh fuck, this money's gross. It was surprising. Man, money stinks. Money fucking stinks. Part one?

cap whatever, and I rob them, I look big. I'm bulked up from the sweatshirts stuff. When I run in my car, I get in the car, I drive away from here. I pull over inside of the street and I take off all his clothes underneath, and I have a pair of shorts. I have a U c l A tank top. I have a U sl A hat on. Now I take all my clothes up and now I'm wearing sneakers, not our topsiders, not the other shoes I was wearing. So I got more of like a collegiate look thing. And I put all the clothes in the

bag and I throw it in a rain ditch. So I get on the free one. As I get on the freeway and I go over to the to the fast lane, I almost crashed in at three sheriff's cars froom. I almost literally almost crashing it because I'm not looking in my mirror. I just don't say it's empty. But they're coming on so fast that I just were and I dodge them, and I look ahead and I realized they're racing to where a helicopter is ahead in the freeway.

I'm like, shit, I gotta get off the freeway. So I start pulling over off the freeway and then start pulling over off the freeway. I get off with the next off round and I turn right into traffic. Right I'm like, okay, cool, I just dodged a bullet. All of a sudden, sheriff cars all around me. I don't know where they came from, and they're all stopping a turkey jerky and they're looking at everyone in the cars, and I'm thinking, I'm good because I don't look like

the guy who walked out of that bank. In fact, as soon as I feel the helicopter's overhead, I open my son roofs so they can look in and they can say, I'm in short so I'm not even wearing pants. I don't feel like I look like that guy at all. So all that to say, and I'm driving, I'm driving and cars as I'm driving down the road on the right left side, police cars are looking at me. They're just parked, and then as I would drive past them, they would join a crowd growing, crowded cop cars behind me,

so it's like they're looking at me. And then as I pulled past them, they would then turn into traffic from the left and the right. I'm driving, I'm just chilling. I'm just relaxing, just taking my time, being easy. And then what are you thinking about all these cop cars behind you? I'm thinking, why are they Why do they think it's me? I have no clue, but I do know as I'm driving there's now fifteen twenty cars behind

me it's me. They've isolated me. And there's a car pulls up to my left and he looks at me, and I look at him, and I just keep driving. I caught another car pulls up to my right to me.

They just targeted a Mexican dude. That's the way I'm thinking about it, right. So I pull over. They all have stepped out of their cars. They got guns pointing at me. I could see it in my mirrors. I'm not going anywhere. Helicopters on the road in front of me low, so I know that, okay, there is I'm not getting away and this is gonna be what it's gonna be. And I start yelling why do you stop me?

And the helicopters are going He's shut the fuck out, put your hands behind your head, and I'm like, why do you stop me? Like I said, shut the fuck out? And that takes the fuck and the whole time he's giving me instruction is to walk back, to walk to my left in the middle of the street, to put my arms out, to get on my knees, to all forward. Everything. I keep interrupted, why did you stop me? Because I'm

convinced this is a legal stop. And at that point I feel them running at me and I'm laid out on the on the ground, my legs open, my arms wide, my face down, and they jump on me. I mean they jump on me, and they're they're like mad at me, and I feel guns on me, I feel knees on me. They're grabbing my hands and trumping them and one guy grabs my head now remember, and they're on me. I'm trying to pull my arms back and I'm not resisting.

I'm like, I'm fucked right. So he pulls my head back and I swear to God, I thought he's gonna choke me up because I can barely breathe. And he leans into my ears says, you want to know why we stopped you, cocksucker. We stopped him from being ugly and ro walk so and you know what, I'm thinking, like, that's kind of fucking clever. This sms a bitch, that's kind of fucking clever. So I'm seated there and they put me on a cop right in the back of

a cup car. They now approached my car where the gun's drawn, Like, oh, I'm running at the car and not running but you know, coming together the helicopter overhead. There's just someone in there. They don't know. And when they go in they see you know he's in there. They open the door, they reach in the back, they pull out the bag, and they hold up the bag of money like a price fish and he says, got it. And I look at it, and the guy says to me, who has the coppers in the front seat. He says,

you're a dumb fuck man. He says, we caught you with the transmitter and the money. They bring the two women I had robbed, and they bring them to where I am standing on the sidewalk and then make them look at me. While I did the I just turned around to my left, to my right, and they told me don't look at them. And I wasn't trying to break the rules. But when I looked look straight ahead and they were there, I could see from the side of my eyes that their heads were saying, no, that's

not the guy, right. So I knew I had play. I knew that these women did not recognize me as the guy who had just robbed them within the last half hour. So they can only arrest me for possession of stolen property.

I say, get all my photos out of the house and get whatever cash you can find in the house and go take it at Gloria and have him come down here and bail me out. So I got twelve hours and I'm waiting to get bailed on, waiting to get bailed on, way to get bailed in that time. I get pulled out of the holding cell. I got taken to a room and in walks this real burly guy, special agent Quarters, puts a notebook down, opens it up,

and he just starts to ask me questions. What's your name, first name, middle name, last name, how old are you, where'd you go to school? Just basic information. They get all this information from me. And it's not an interrogation, it's just he wants to assess me. And I'm polite and I'm articulate, and I'm not trying to be friendly with him, but I'm he's getting to read on me, like, this guy doesn't look like bank rubbers at all. Nothing

about me, says bank rubber. But he suspects I had something to do with it because I was caught with the money. And then he finally says, so, the women who were robbed, say, you didn't rob the bank. You're not the one who robbed them. But how did you get ahold of that money? Because that's the bank money. I said, man, I'm glad you asked. And I proceeded to lie and tell him that, you know, I went out to go shopping Macy's in that mall near where the bank was, and I got out and I realized,

oh shit, I left my wall in the car. And I go back to my car and I see this true big burly man wearing exactly the outfit I was wearing the bank. I described me saying, this big burly man runs out and he throws something underneath my car and I wonder what the fuck, and I pull it out and it's all this money. So I'm like fuck it and I drive away. Next thing I know, you know, Lindwood Sheriff's are pulling me up. And then oh wow, totally I didn't do it. Totally plausible. Here's the thing.

He knows my record. There's it's not like he knows he's dealing with somebody who's done this before. So he doesn't know exactly what to think other than I don't look like a bank robber. That's that's one thing he's sure of. He's been the business long enough to know I don't look like it. But he's also criminals are lying sons of bitches. They will lie gratuitously, they will lie often and a lot. So that's what that was my first introduction to him.

is the same. We're still counting your honor. We will give him bail now. We can have one hundred thousand dollars bail for two weeks. We're trying to get bail. It takes a long time to clear my my aunt's house, to put it up. It just it took a lot longer than I expected. It was almost two weeks to get it.

shorter than me. And this person was desperate for money. I always took him around, always paid stuff for him. I liked having him around, and it's like, you want to eventually get something on this, and he was like yeah. And finally, when I come out of bond, I go to this guy and say, hey, listen, I'll teach you how to do this and we'll split the money. He says, really, I said yeah, but you have to do it exactly

as I say. He's like sure because he's, like I said, he had seen the loads of cash I had, so to him, he's thinking thirty forty fifty thousand dollars he could be his Well, I take him to go do it, go to Orange County somewhere. He goes into the bank. After I tell him what to do, I park far away, you know, my mo He runs through the car, drive away. We're going fast. I'm all excited. He's breathing hard. It's like, whoa, this is great. I don't have to rob banks. I

got a guy who can rob banks for me. We'll split the money and like, I can make some money here. And we're driving on. Finally, so how much you get? He goes, oh, I didn't get nothing. She told me no, He said she told him no, and I was like, oh my god, this guy is so bad. So I pulled over and I said, here's what happened last night. They came into your house. They went upstairs, they got your pants, they took your wallet out, they grabbed all your money. They got your money in that bank, in

that teller station, is your money. You have the right to go in there and basically take your money back. You have the moral right to go to that mine. That's the way I tried to pump them up for it. So I take them to this mall where they have a bank in the on my park. He goes inside. Whatever lame thing he's putting out, people are picking it up.

Apparently he was good enough to at least get some money from them, because as soon as he hits that door, he's still holding the money in his hands, and he's holding it to his chest. And when he pushes that door open, an eddie of air catches that money. The money goes flying everywhere, whirling in the air, and there's him trying to catch it out of mid air. And I look at him and I'm thinking, what a fucking idiot.

So I have to drive away. And as I'm driving away, I look back and he's running and now it is a Benny Hill fucking skid. There's one dude and there's a crowd of people running after out of the bank. I'm like, oh shit. So I crossed street, this big boulevard out of the parking lot, and I park and I'm like, come on, come on, and I'm looking in my rear view mare, and I see him coming. He runs, he jumps in the seat next to me, and he's so short that all they see is one person in

this car. It's important to the story. I'm too far from them to catch me. I'm too far for them to even see my license plate. And it tries to come after us, but I'm in a fucking little RG seven, and I just I do sports car stad I take off and I'm going so fast down this residential street. And it's a long residential street, so I'm picking him speed. I'm going fast, and then I see a dip coming, so I break and down shift and I try to

throw it down. I hit that thing going eighty and I fly in the air and when I land, I land so hard that I think my car is gonna fall, Like wow, I fall apart. It doesn't fall apart, but I know for sure my oil pan has burnt. You know, I broke it a busted and there's no way my oil pens are surviving this. I turned right and now I'm out of this residential area into another big street. So I said, get out of here, get yourself back home. He jumps out. I turn right now my car bee,

I mean like I'm in danger. I jump out of my car. I cross the street back to this side of the street, and I go into Sir George's Morgas board and a cop car comes up, slows down, puts his lights on in front of my car, comes up, puts his hand on the hood. He feels his hot. There's smoke coming out of my car. And I walk right through the kitchen at the back door and I hit an alley and I start running. And I'm running down this alley because my car is busted. I'm not

getting back to my car. And now they know I'm in the area, I'm running out of there. I get out of there. I have my brother picked me up in Orange County come home that night, so we I was fortunate to be driving by right when they're raiding my house. Are those cops all over my house? Are all creeping in on my house because the FBI is now going to rescind my bail. They know I had

something to do with that bank. They think I actually robbed the bank, and as we drove, I could see police construng sneaking up on my house around the back gate. Turn around. I called my dad and say, hey, Dad, what's up? Because I knew my dad was close to the FBI EG and it was you know after me that kind of bonded and so what's up? He says, turn yourself in. So I turned yourself in, especially your quarters called. He said you robbed that bank. He knows

you robbed the bank. I said, nope, did not rub that bank. Swear on mommy's grave. I did not rob that bank, really, I said my dad, I saw on mommy's grave. He goes, right, let me call, let me call Cordis. So Cordis tells my dad, Hey, have Joe call me. So I call him and I and he said, hey, we found your car, says Cordis. I wasn't in that bank. I didn't rie that bank. And I'm not gonna turn myself in because it took me two weeks to get bond and I don't want to wait another two weeks

in there for your mistake. I was not in there. And he said, okay, Well here's I'm gonna do for you, Joe. I'm gonna go look at the footage, and I'm gonna call me tomorrow and I'll tell you what I see. Now. Banks the way there, because banks are designed, they could tell how tall you are by where you are on the counter, all those little signs in the lobby. The next day, I call him and he says, you need to talk to your lawyer's Joe. He said, really, He goes, yeah,

because you have a double out there. This person's like four inches shorter than you. He says, So I'm not gonna talk to you about why your cars in the area broke down, but I will not send your bond because that was not you. I said, thank you. I told you that.

little islands in it. So I walk into the bank. Very simple robbery. I go in there, I rob him. I'm walking out, and as I'm walking, I turn around to walk equal distance to the front door. But on the other side outside is an armored car carrier like he's carrying cash in a bag and he's walking to it, and I can see the armor car park behind him. So I walk to it and I just keep my cool, like what the fuck, I'm just gonna I'm just gonna play it, you know, like what, I'm not gonna panic.

I gotta get out of here. So I walk to the door, and I'm thinking, who's gonna open the door, Who's gonna get there first. I mean, we're good distance of wage. It gives me plenty of time to think, like I was just gonna play out. He gets the door and he opens it and he holds it for me, and I'm like, oh, hey, thanks, and I walk right through the door. Thank you, walk away, and he walks in. I don't look behind me, but I know that as soon as he walks in. Somebody is gonna say that

guy just robbed us. I don't hear it, because what I hear is just blood in my ears. Boom boom, boom boom. Because now I look at the guy in the in the armor car, and he's looking at me because he has to watch his friend's back going in, and he's looking at me. And I got sunglasses, and I'm walking on and I'm walking out with a stride, and I think he picks something up. But almost as soon as that guy gets inside the door, I take a couple of steps and then I just start booking. Man.

I just start running fast as I can. I gotta get him my car. And sure enough I hear the truck. I grumble up, and I'm just running, running, running. Now. As I'm running, you know, periodically I do look back to just se where he is, and that's when I realize he can't come straight after me. He has to like drive around this island and get around this other island, like he's having a his way out of the maze

of the parking lot. And I run. Now I'm across the street, and now I get to my car, and I don't feel like I'm gonna make it like I know, this thing is way closer than anything has ever been in my car. In fact, I start my car, back it up, drive away, and I got a little mas

art et cent. I take out up the street and I see it come around the corner and it's picking up speed, and I'm like, this thing is has enough speed with it that it's actually catching me for a second, and then it pulls away and I go over the freeway and I'm driving back to La now and I'm driving down the road and I'm like, good, I got the money. I got away. Everything's cool. Wouldn't be till later that I realized I hadn't really got away even close.

I'm on the West Side, staying at a hotel right out the full five off sunset, and I know that I want to meet my girlfriend at Ucla that day to give her some money because I'm gonna I'm gonna go back to Mexico.

They don't know how good I am. Watch this. So I drive into Westwood and I drive in a downtown Westwood park, my car inside of Parker Rodgers to no helicopter confind my car just by flying over all. I'm thinking, is okay? So what they're looking for a car? You know how many thousands of thousands of thousands of students. They're not going to find need on a haystack, right right, So I get I decided to walk into the campus.

I walk into the campus. Now behind the library there they have vending machines and table, big metal tables, and it was tightly packed with students when I was there, so you know, you figure eight tables, five people per table or whatever, and there's a lot of people there. So I decided to get some coffee whatever cappuccino, and off the machine and I'm reading my Wall Street Journal and I'm looking around, and then all of a sudden,

I hear Joe, Joe Loya. I turn my left and I see this guy, you know, just milk toast, white guy, glasses, shorts, you sell a sweatshirt. But I don't recognize them. So I just turned back to my newspaper, Joe Joe, and all of a sudden, he realizes I'm that and he's trying to catch her in. I don't look again. I don't look, but I realize, oh shit, I'm fun this.

I might be fucked. And at that moment, I feel somebody like behind me, not him, he's still over there, and I feel this person behind me, so I jump up. I throw my chair back, and this person grabs my wrist with one hand and the back of my elbow with another, like you just try to try to control me. And he's now on me. He jumps on my left and I'm hitting him. He's like, FBI, you're under wrest and I'm listening for other FBI agents to come, so it'd be like, oh, Dad, get your hands up, you know.

And I'm not hearing any running, I'm not hearing any screaming, and just you know, instinctively I realize this is me and them. I'm just pummeling him, pummelling him, pumbling him, and I feel his grip start to loosen. So I'm thinking, oh man, this is I think I can get away. I'll go into a building. I'll go to the third floor. I'll jump on a roof on the way out and go to you through the bathroom, go to you like I'm gonna run around. He os help us. We're the FBI.

And I'm like, I don't know. These people, stay out of it. And I realized I sound stupid as soon as I say it, Like, of course to the FBI. These aren't just like a woman and a man jumping out a guy saying their FBI. This has to be serious and it may be confused to them, but they know in this scrimmage, I'm.

grab me. And then I feel cock click and they tie me up, handcuff me, and I'm just the whole time, Fuck you, motherfucker. Goddamn sounds a bitch of just I was so angry because I knew I'm caught. I'm never getting bail again. I'm gonna have to go do time.