122: The Lettuce Donkey

Once upon a time there was a young huntsman who went out into the forest to shoot some game. He was merry and lighthearted and whistled on a leaf as he marched along. Then he encountered an ugly old hag, who said, Good day, my dear huntsman. You're certainly cheerful and content, but I'm suffering from hunger and thirst. Would you give me some alms? The huntsman felt sorry for the poor woman, so he reached into his pocket and gave her whatever he could afford.

As he was about to continue on his way, the old woman held him back and said, Listen to what I have to say, my dear huntsman. Since you've been so kind, I'm going to give you a gift. Just keep going straight ahead, and after a while you'll come to a tree. Nine birds will be sitting on it. They'll have a cloak in their claws and will be fighting over it.

Take aim with your gun and shoot into the middle of them. They'll let go of the cloak for sure, and one of the birds will also be hit and drop dead at your feet. Take the cloak with you. It's a wishing cloak, and if you throw it around your shoulders, you'll need only wish yourself somewhere, and you'll be there in a split second. Take the heart out of the dead bird and swallow it whole. Then each and every morning when you get up, you'll find a gold coin underneath your pillow.

The huntsman thanked the wise woman and thought to himself Those are great things she's promised me. If only they would come true. When he had gone about a hundred paces he heard a great deal of screaming and squawking in the branches above him. As he looked up he saw a bunch of birds tearing at a piece of cloth with their beaks and claws. They screeched, tugged, and scuffled, as if each wanted it for itself alone.

Well, said the huntsman, this is certainly extraordinary. Everything's happening just as the old hag said it would. He took the gun from his shoulder, aimed, and fired right into the middle of the birds so that their feathers fluttered about. Immediately the birds, with loud cries, took flight, but one fell to the ground dead along with the cloak.

The huntsman then did what the old woman had told him to do. He cut the bird open, found the heart, and swallowed it, and took the cloak home with him. The next morning, when he woke up, he remembered the woman's promise and wanted to see if it had actually come to pass. As he lifted his pillow in the air, the gold coin glimmered before his eyes.

The following day he found another one, and so forth each time he got up. He collected a heap of gold, but eventually began thinking, what's the use of all my gold if I stay at home? It's time I set out and see the world. He took leave of his parents, swung his knapsack and gun over his shoulders, and went out into the world.

One day he happened to pass through a dense forest, and when he reached the end of it, a stately castle stood on the plain before him. In one of its windows an old woman and a marvelously beautiful maiden were standing and looking down at him. The old woman, however, was a witch, and said to the maiden, Someone's coming from the forest with a wonderful treasure in its body. We've got to get it out of him, my darling daughter, for it's really much more suited for us.

You see, he's got a bird's heart in him, and every morning there's a gold coin under his pillow. She told the maiden the whole story about the huntsman and what role she was to play. Finally, she threatened her, and with fury in her eyes said, If you don't obey me, you'll regret it. As the huntsman came closer, he spied the maiden, and said to himself, I've been wandering around for so long that it's time to take a rest. I'll stop at this beautiful castle, for I've got plenty of money to pay.

But his real reason was that he had caught sight of the beautiful maiden. He went into the castle and was received in a hospitable way and entertained courteously. It was not long before he fell in love with the witch's daughter. He thought of nothing else but her, and had eyes only for her, and gladly did whatever she demanded.

At that point the old woman said to her, Now we've got to get the bird's heart, he won't even notice it's missing. She prepared a potion, and when it was ready, she poured it into a cup and gave it to the maiden, who had to hand it to the huntsman. Now, my dearest, she said, drink to my health. So he took the cup, and after he had swallowed the drink, he vomited up the bird's heart. The maiden had to carry it off secretly and then swallow it herself, for that was what the old woman wanted.

From then on the huntsman no longer found gold under his pillow, rather it lay under the maiden's pillow, and the old woman fetched it from there every morning. However, he was so much in love with the maiden and so infatuated that he had no other thought in his head than to spend time with her. Now the old witch said, We've got the bird's heart, but we must also take the wishing cloak from him. Why not let him keep that? answered the maiden. After all, he's already lost his wealth.

The old woman became angry and said, Such a cloak is a wonderful thing. You won't find many like it in the world. I must have it, and I will have it. She gave the maiden instructions, and told her that if she did not obey them, things would go badly for her. So the maiden did what the old woman told her to do. She stood at the window and gazed into the wide blue sky as if she were very sad. Why are you standing there so sadly? asked the huntsman.

Ah, my darling, she replied, the Garnet Mountain lies over there where precious jewels grow. Whenever I think about them, I get such a great longing for them that I become sad. But who can fetch them? Only the birds with their wings can fly there. A human being? Never. If that's all that's bothering you, said the huntsman, I'll soon ease your woes.

Upon saying this, he spread his cloak over her and wished to be on top of the Garnet Mountain. Within a split second they were both sitting on top of it. The elegant jewels glimmered from all sides, and it was a joy just to look at them. Together they selected the most precious of the jewels. However, the old woman had used her witchcraft to make the huntsman's eyelids heavy, and he said to the maiden, Let's sit down and rest a bit. I'm so tired that I can't stand on my feet anymore.

They sat down, and he laid his head in her lap and went to sleep. When he was sound asleep, she took the cloak from his shoulders and hung it around herself. She gathered the garnets and jewels together and wished herself back home.

After the huntsman had finished sleeping and awoke, he saw that his beloved had deceived him and had left him alone on top of the wild mountain. Oh, he said, the world is full of treachery. He sat there, overcome with sorrow and pain, and did not know what to do. The mountain, however, belonged to the wild and monstrous giants who dwelt there and who were always up to mischief. He had not been sitting there long before three of them came strolling towards them.

He lay down as if he had fallen into a deep sleep. As the giants came by, the first one poked him in the foot and said, Who's this earthworm lying here and contemplating his navel? Trample him to death, said the second. But the third one said contemptuously, he's not worth the trouble. Let him live. He can't survive here, and if he climbs higher to the peak, the clouds will snatch him and carry him away.

As they moved on they continued talking, but the huntsman had heard their words, and when they were out of sight he got up and climbed to the peak. He sat there a while until a cloud drifted by, grabbed him, and carried him away. For a long time it floated about in the sky, then it began sinking and settled down on a large vegetable garden surrounded by walls where the huntsmen landed softly between the cabbages and vegetables.

He looked around him and said, If only I had something to eat, I'm so hungry that it'll be hard to go anywhere from here, and there's nothing but vegetables, no apples or pears or any kind of fruit. Finally, he thought, if need be, I can eat some of the lettuce. It doesn't taste very good, but it will refresh me. So he picked out a fine head of lettuce and ate some of the leaves. No sooner had he taken a few bites than he had a strange sensation and felt completely changed.

He sprouted four legs, and a thick neck, and two long ears, and to his horror he saw that he had been transformed into a donkey. Nevertheless, since he still felt very hungry, and the juicy lettuce appealed to his present nature, he kept eating it with great zack. Eventually he came to another kind of lettuce, and after he had swallowed a few leaves, he felt a new kind of sensation and returned to his human form. Now the huntsman lay down and slept off his fatigue.

When he awoke the next morning he broke off a head of the bad lettuce and one of the good and thought, This ought to help me regain what belongs to me, and I'll be able to punish the treacherous women as well.

He put the lettuce in his knapsack, climbed over the mountain, and set out to find the castle of his beloved. When he had wandered about several days he was fortunate enough to find it again. Then he colored his face brown so that his own mother would not have recognized him, went into the castle, and asked for lodgings. I'm so tired, he said, that I can't go any further. Countrymen, who are you? And what's your business? asked the witch.

I'm a royal messenger and was sent out to search for the most delicious lettuce under the sun and I was lucky enough to have found it, and I'm carrying it with me, but the heat of the sun has been so strong that the tender leaves are beginning to wilt, and I don't know whether I'll be able to carry it any farther.

When the old woman heard of the delicious lettuce, she had a great yearning for it and said, My dear countrymen, let me taste the wonderful lettuce. Why not? he answered. I've brought two heads with me, and I'll give you one. He opened the sack and handed her the bad one. The witch did not suspect anything, and her mouth watered so much for the new meal that she herself went into the kitchen to prepare it.

When the lettuce was ready, she could not wait until it was on the table. She immediately took a few leaves and put them in her mouth. No sooner had she swallowed them than she too lost her human form, and ran around the courtyard as a donkey. Now the servant girl came into the kitchen, saw the lettuce already, and wanted to serve it, but on the way she succumbed to her old habit of trying things, and ate a couple of leaves.

The magic power took effect immediately, and she too was changed into a donkey. She ran outside to the old woman, and the bowl with the lettuce fell to the ground. Meanwhile, the messenger sat with the beautiful maiden, and when nobody came with the lettuce, and her longing for it also grew greater, she said, I don't know what's keeping the lettuce. The huntsman thought, the lettuce has probably worked, and so he said, I'll go into the kitchen and see what's happening.

When he got there he saw two donkeys running around the courtyard and the lettuce on the ground. Very good, he said. The two have gotten their due, and he picked up the remaining leaves, put them into the bowl, and brought them to the maiden. I've brought you the delicious food myself, so that you won't have to wait any longer, he said. Then she ate some of the lettuce and was instantly robbed of her human form. Like the others, she ran out to the courtyard as a donkey.

Next the huntsman washed his face so that the women as donkeys could recognize him, and he went down to the courtyard and said, Now you're going to get what you deserve for your treachery. He tied all three to a rope and drove them ahead until they came to a mill, where he knocked on the window. The miller stuck his head out and asked what he wanted.

I've got three bad animals and I don't want to keep them anymore, he responded. If you take them, feed them, and treat them as I tell you to, then I'll pay you whatever you want. Why not? said the miller. How do you want me to treat them? The huntsman told the meller to give the old donkey, actually the witch, three beatings a day and one feeding. The younger, actually the servant, one beating a day, and three feedings, and the youngest, actually the maiden, no beatings, and three feedings.

He could not bring himself to have the maiden beaten. He then went back to the castle, where he found everything he needed. After a few days, a miller came and said that he had to report the death of the old donkey that was supposed to receive three beatings and one feeding a day. The other two, he continued, are not dead yet, to be sure, but they are so sad that they'll be dead before long.

Then the huntsman took pity on them, forgot his anger, and told the miller to drive them back to the castle. When they arrived he gave them some of the good lettuce to eat, so that they became human beings again. Then beautiful maiden fell upon her knees in front of him and said, Ah, my dearest, forgive me for the evil I've done you. My mother forced me to do it. Everything happened against my will, for I love you with all my heart.

Your wishing cloak is hanging in a closet, and I'll drink something to make me throw up the bird's heart. But he had a change of heart and said, Just keep it. It doesn't make any difference now, because I want to take you from my faithful wife. Then the wedding was held, and they lived happily together until they died.

The Brothers Grim Lunch Break is released under a Creative Commons Attribution Non Commercial No Derivatives license. Download it and share it all you'd like, but don't change it or sell it. The translations used are copyright Jack Sipes and are used with permission. His collected translations, the complete fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm, is available on the media of your choice from Bantam Books.

The music is Mount Timbrel by Jamie Janover, off his All Strings Considered album, available on magnitude. com. If you'd like to listen to any of the other tales, you can find them on our website, grimlunch.org, or wherever you find your podcasts. Thank you for listening.