#271: That's a Fine Looking Penis, Idn't It?

of it sound effects. So so let's see if I hear it right.

His apartment looks clean. Yes we know. We go now live to the Scary Jones studio for an update. Scary, what do you have by the table? I've got nothing today. I've just said the table is clear as you could see. I think going on. Were you robbed? No? My Estella was here today. My cleaning lady. Oh, the one who threw out your sneakers. Yeah, yeah, that yes, yes, we kept her around a little bit, a little bit. So you're telling me Estella, you're cleaning lady has not been

at your house in six months. No, No, she's been at the house. But I think she wanted to actually clean the other wing of the house. She wanted to clean the table, she wanted to clean the glass table. So she moved the stack of papers. So she moved him from here out of the frame over there. Oh so it's not really clean, No it's not. But yeah, this big news. The slices need to know the paper's gone. No, no, they'll be back soon enough. They really really need to

do video podcasts. If you don't, you never want to do them. Oh yeah, you know what, Brody, Seriously, I'm gonna take you to task on this one.

better half. And I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid to put myself out there on video you should be speaking of which, speaking of putting yourself out there, are you just trying to change the topic. No, No, it's a perfect segue. I am gonna tell you about a TV show I can't believe the entire world's not watching. And I'm telling you now, we'll do it next break. I'll tell you about this TV show. We're going to name it. When I tell you this, we're going to name this episode,

I'm telling you in advance normally scary. And I take like twenty minutes after the episode to figure out what we're gonna call it. Yeah, come up with a catchy name. We argue about it. We are going to call this episode that's a fine looking penis exactly like, yeah, I mean with an accent. But I'll tell you more about it. It can't be like, that's a mighty fine penis. It's got to be exactly that, that's a fine that's a fine looking penis. Okay, all right, there's a rhyme and

reason to this. I don't know about a rhyme, but there's a reason. Yeah, but people. The problem with that, though, is people who judge the book by the cover. They're just gonna see that and without context and be like, these guys are much a bunch of persons. Let me tell you something. The TV show I'm going to tell you about, Yeah, it's all about judging a book by its cover, so to speak. In fact, the covers are mentioned a lot. But to find a can't this exists?

Don't use the word blow and penis in the same sentence. I have to tell you it's pretty close to this TV show. Okay, awesome, can't wait, that's the next break. So as we record this right now and being from Brooklyn, were in Noah's Ark, we are, we are on my window, Yeah, we are in Brooklyn is the epicenter of a huge storm passing through right now. It is pouring rain. I'm having friends of mine send me pictures and video from

famous intersections in Brooklyn. Like, for instance, remember where John Travolta walked down the street eating around the corner from I grew up and staying alive. Yep, the corner sixth Street, twenty twentieth and nineteenth Way, Like, send you a picture of the intersection what it looks like right now. The cars are my daughter's got stuck on a train today, the subway flooded, cars are underwater. Brody, I can't believe what I'm seeing. Cats and dogs living together. It's mayhem.

This is that This is your famous corner right here, Brody, I'm gonna send it to you. You're gonna you're gonna laugh. Well, now you're not gonna laugh. You're you're gonna be you're gonna be. Tell me what I'm gonna be, So I make sure i'm the right thing. You want to be shocked, I'll be all right, I'll have shocked. This is Oh my god, No, I sent it here, all right. I was getting ready. What the hell was that a fine looking penis you were looking at? No, that's the fine

looking penis in it. You open it up. Hold on, is this is?

in the basement, the base flooding. Come bring you, come, bring you with Williams Sonoma mop got two inches two inches of water standing water. The human bucket. Bring your simple human bucket that you paid three hundred dollars for, Anthony, come over. I gotta say it's crazy because you know a lot of a lot of the apartments in Brooklyn in that area are like you walk down into them at the below street level. Can you imagine how much water they're getting. I would imagine it's like Venice, So

it's like going home for all the Italians. But we never get down. Brooklyn is usually spared from the brunt of anything. Usually you hear it's other areas of the Tri State area and Brooklyn. It's always like Brooklyn got well like half as much she Gate. But don't forget Brooklyn. Brooklyn. Brooklyn's part of Long Island, So Brooklyn, Queens and Long Island is all part of the same piece of land. Brooklyn is surrounded by water on three sides. It would be a peninsula, except the other end of it is

also an island. It's all island, so of course it's going to get water, of course. And Vnsonhurst is the neighborhood on the water right. Well, I don't know. I feel like a lot of it was spared when we had that bad hurricane back in twenty twelve. But Hurricane Sandy, it's that destroyed, destroyed Coney Island and Seagate and like the tip Staton Island. Yeah, but anyway, this is what's going on in our old neighborhood right now, Brodie, So we get to Staten Island. I met a new neighbor

this week, a friend of a friend. She was on speakerphone. My friend my next door neighbors is, oh, uh, because I'm selling my trampoline. Right So she's like, oh, she may want to buy your trampoline. So she puts her on speakerphone. She goes, yeah, so I'm like two blocks away, I want to come buy your trampoline. I'm like, are you from Staten Island of Bensonhurst? She goes, actually both, I grew up in Staten Island. My parents were divorced.

I also lived at Bensonhurst. Mistake, you can't mistake that accent. I love her already. That's great. She really you know something, She grew up six blocks from me, about ten blocks from you. Now, because you know, you guys are like minded, you come from the same area, cut from the same cloth. Yeah, we can't compare in pizza place. Yeah, you guys know, you feel like you know each other your family. Yeah, you're gonna cut her a brake on that trampoline. I'm

sorry the connection went bad. Hello, Hello, I said, I said are you going to cut her a brake on the trampoline because she's like family system is broken again. I can't. Yeah, okay, there Brody, Oh you're back. They are?

You know, that's so crazy. I you see, if I was selling something and I felt like I made a bond with somebody or I kind of like knew them, like they were like friends, even though they weren't, and they had some stuff in common, I think my price would go down a little bit just to cut them from a break. You don't. You don't do that with anyone. That depends if. But she's she's a Yankees fan, so okay, she's back to even again, I asked. I said, oh my god, you're perfect. Do you also a Met's fans?

Just fuck No? I was like, you're out no discounts for Yankees fans. Yeah, but I feel like, you know, sometimes people deserve a little bit of a break. She has a nice house than I do, so she's good. He's very nice.

I did that joke on the Morning show. Nobody freaking nobody just even recognize that I was doing a joke, except that one Texter, whoever you were, I hope you were a slice for life.

IDs is paper. Oh yeah, the id's are on a sheet of paper and they say, hey, this is celebrity. Insert your name here, and you're listening to Elvis Strand the morning show on Z one hundred. Hey, this is celebrity and you're listening to JJ on Z one hundred. Right, and you get on the whole list of everybody. Me scary, all of us. We will put our names on it. Well, I had to do it with Stevie Wonder, So I said, Stevie, listen, there's a sheet here that I would normally ask someone

to read. But what I'll do is I'll say it and you can just repeat it. And he was like, yeah, that's great, man, that's great. So I said, hey, this is Stevie Wonder and you're listening to Elvis Strand in the morning show and he went, Stevie want and he repeated everything I said. It was great. Yeah, I would have been. I threw in a couple of the ones. I was like, you know, I was like repeat after me. I said, Hey, this is Stevie Wonder and I like cheese,

and he did it. He basically would have said anything I wanted to missaken't know what's on the sheet, he doesn't, it was on the paper. I was like, Hey, this is Stevie Wonder. You're listening to David Brody, the funniest man on the on the planet. And you're listening to Dave Brody in the morning. You're listening to the rightful host of the boarding show, David Brody. That's hysterical. Yeah, that was fun. It was great meeting him. You know,

I didn't have to dress up to do it. Who is talking about we we need we need a new a young, a young blind executive producer for the young blind celebrity because the Stevie Wonder jokes are you know, are old. They're from the seventies and eighties. Like people don't know who Stevie Wonder is today, a lot of a lot of people. I used to make the glass eye joke about Sammy Davis Junior, but right, but people someone called for that today. I forgot who it was.

They called for us. Who is a famous blind celebrity to young, young blind celebrity that's in today's day and age. I don't know. I can't think of one, but a, yeah, there's this. No, there's a guitar player who's probably fifty. No, that was big about fifteen years ago. No, there's no like blind ed sheet up up, yeah, up and coming somebody right. So anyway, h got my first phone call today? Ever, we're all Did you get an iPhone fifteen? Yes? Got my guy? I got my iPhone fifteen. Can I say

one thing? Though? You want to borrow some of my old androids USBC club plugs? Though you times ago, I got my first phone call from my new phone from your phone. No, I got my phone rang for the first time my new iPhone. But i'll feels like the first time. Can I award you the wise he feels when you're making your transfer from your old phone to your new phone, whatever it is. And I know it's just a ring tone. I know it takes a few

hours sometimes. Don't do that late at night because if you leave it when you go to sleep, your alarm's not going to go off in the morning. I got I got fucked this morning. I didn't iPhone problems. I didn't why that Android would still work if it's in the middle of transferring data back and forth. None of that stuff works. It was kind of pissed. The only alarm you have is your phone. That's it. Oh so I woke up late, but thank god I did show No, no, I was. I made it on time. Oh okay, somehow

I did. But anyway, so you blame your iPhone. I android would have taped you on the shoulder, made you breakfast, and then helped you pick out your wardrobe.

fine looking penis. You could put in enough of the Tea's okay. Start with there's a show on Max. It's it's been around seven years in the UK and it's on Max now and it's already one of the most watched shows on Max. And it's a game show. It's a dating game show like nothing you've ever seen. Scary. I don't know how the Morning show isn't talking about this every day. And at Danielle, who was married to a brit By the way, I spoke to her husband yesterday.

As a matter of fact, we're talking about a bunch of things. I didn't tell him about the show because I want I didn't watch it until last night. So here's the way the show goes. They show up a bachelor or a bachelorette that could be straight, gay or bye. The game has played out differently depending on your sexual preferences, your orientation. Uh. And let's say it's a straight woman.

So the first episode I watched was a straight woman and they show her working out at the gym, and the dating shows where they show them working and talking about I'm looking for a man that can you know, take me out, treat me all right with the British accent. You know, I'm looking for a guy that can and whatever. They talk about herself and I'm you know, I'm twenty eight or whatever she is and they talk. Okay, great. Then they bring her on to the stage and there's

a female host. Welcome to the show. You're excited to be here. Yeah, yeah, Okay. Throughout this explanation scary, I'm gonna ask you if you would go on this show as a single person. Okay, I'll keep asking you as I'd explained the show. So you come out on the stage. There are like there are six what look like phone

booths you can't see, and they're frosted over. There's a yellow, a pink of green and blue or red or whatever, six different colors, and they're lit up and there's people in them, right, and you don't see who's in them. And they introduced. The host talks to the woman who wants to date, and she says, you're nervous, you excited to be on the show. Yes, I'm hoping to find someone to date. And ultimately she has to pick someone to go on a date with like a normal game show, right,

a dating show that makes sense. I mean that sounds like it's been done before several times in several formats. And ready are you ready? Yes? Are you ready to see your candidates for your date? Yes? Absolutely. And the first thing they do. You'd think the first thing they do is watch say hello, Hello Maggie, Hello Meggie, Hi Maggie, like on the dating game. Nope. The glass booth lifts up and you see all of them naked from the waist down and she gets to now examine all the penises. No,

come on, scary. They show it close ups. There's tattoos around the penises, they're all flaccies. What kind of scent? And by the way, I don't judge, I'm Jewish, but I'm not explained. Why what do you mean by that? A minute, I'm not judging, but I'm telling you that it looks like in the UK ninety five percent of the men on the show are uncircumcised, which is an odd look for me because I'm not used to seeing that. Not that I'm used to seeing penises. So this is

this isn't This isn't like a porno or something like that. No, this is an X ray. It's called naked attraction. Slices don't leave yet to go watch, waiting to say we're already done. They turned us off. No, don't leave, don't leave. We should have saved this for the end, Brody, but the hell then this is bad on our point. The Hardstess then has her look at all the penises. It's just let's go look at it. Let's go look at yellow the penises and yellow the booth is. What do

you think, Oh, that's a fine looking penis. Yes, oh I like it. It's clean, it's all shaved. I like that. And what okay, let's go to the blue one. What do you think of this one? And she critiques the penis and the legs and the hands because you see this, Oh, he's got big hands. And so there was one guy who was in a wheelchair in the episode I watched, so he was sitting down. She's like, I can't really see him, he's sitting down. So he had to spread

his legs so she could see his penis. Again, this is a game show, So she analyzes all the penises, she critiques them, and then so then she has to like send two of them home. So then they come out, Uh, the curtains go up on them, or the tubes go up, and then they came out naked and she says goodbye to them. I'm so sorry, and you get to see these people. He's like, oh, Max is a stockbroker and he lives in Liverpool. Jogging out, is there a studio audience? Yes,

no blur, no blur, just walks out. Okay, So now they're down to round two? Are you ready to keep going? They get dressed though at least no. They walk off and then they show them in the locker room naked and they do like a testimonial. I really thought I was gonna get Picture's rather cute. And they just sit there naked, talking about it was a fun experience being naked. So that's that. So then they go to round two. Round two, they lift the thing up a little bit more.

Now you see their abdomens and still the penises, and one of the guys was like an elephant. She's like, that's a rather large penis, isn't it. She's like, yeah, so just do prefer large penises? Well, you know, I don't have that. I've been with all kinds and they don't particularly like the small ones. And then she said, the guy with the small penis home, and she said it, she's like to all for me and I don't like the I don't like the fal skin and then wrinkly.

So she sent them home and the guys like imagine like in not caring what anyone thinks. Like rather than just saying he's not really my type, they actually say like, I don't like his penis, and the guy has to like come out from it, like show his face all and be like, I'm the guy she said home like my penis. I can't believe this. I cannot believe that you're putting me on right now. No, no, the wait before you go further. Yeah, are they these guys talking

while they're No, they don't talk. They don't talk. They don't talk. They shake hands, you know, I guess. So here's the thing they don't. I've got to mention. The six people all have at least one characteristic. Do they cross swords? No? No, they're in a semicircle on the stage, all in their own boots. There. These men allegedly are picked based on the things that she said in her survey of what she likes in a man. So you

don't have any there's no personality here. There's no chance for this penis and chest to see how smart they are? The guy? Are they funny? So let me ask you a question. Do you think when she narrowed it down? She nawed it down to the guy in the wheelchair who had a medium to small sized penis, right, and the tattooed ripped guy with the unbelievably large people. Of course, that's the one you chose. That is correct, That is correct, So that's gonna win every time. I don't know about that.

So then the second half of the show, this particular episode, is a guy. Now, wait a minute, so far scary. Well let's get to the guy. Is this so far? Is this a show you would go on if you had women naked? No, if you were single, if you were single? Oh h no, because I don't think you can judge from that. Okay, well, by the way, there's no there's no male version of this. Why there's a

male Yes? The next part of the show is a straight guy and they show him working out at the gym, talking about what he likes in a woman, what he's looking for, more like it comes out. They go, all right, are you ready to see your your choices? And then the booths lift up and now it's all with hands, legs and thighs and vaginas and he and he and he goes, uh, so he's just what do you think. Well, they're all shaved really clean. I like that. He goes, Oh,

you like it when it when women are clean shape. Yeah, I once reached down for one walk. Okay, all right, this goes I had a problem. He goes, yeah, I had. I had a problem too much hair. So then he's then the camera zooms in on the privates of all six women. This is gonna be like an X rated thing. It's called Yes, it's an X ray and this is HBO Max. It's on Max. Is no HBO Max anymore? It's on Max Max. Yes, But but I'm surprised Max

would pick up a show like this. Why HBO had nudity, Yeah, is one thing, but gratuitous nudity and close up genitalia. It's not sexual. It's game show, is okay? So then he then he looks at the six vaginas and he goes, that girls a lit. That girl's a little large. I used to be overweight, and I don't think I want a date one who's overweight. By the way you're you're discounting. For you, that's like fat shaming. I thought apparently in

the UK it's allowed. So rather than just say I don't care for this woman's you know, he's like, she's just too doldged for me, because they they may go, can we see all the women turn around? So now all the women's asses are showing. He goes, yeah, that's too much, So he makes the chubby girl go home. She wasn't that fat, she was like a little bit still.

But what world is this? What year is this? It's I feel like this is something, this is something that you would have you may have gotten away with in that. You know, they called the vagina the fanny, right, so they're like, what do you think of he fanny? And now keep you in mind, these women are standing behind the glass and all you can see is there fanny.

I felt this is something that from like the like to early two thousands, and I feel like you remember would have been canceled by now you remember nudity when we were younger, right, when women didn't shame of course, so all you could say he was the bush, you didn't see anything. No, But now that women completely shave wax and peel and pluck and whatever. Yeah, there's detail there. So you're the camera is showing you literally from like a foot away. You're looking at all of them, and

he's picking it out. Like, yeah, I'm getting comfortable here. She says, are you happy with your selection?

But so now they had bisexuals on, and apparently if you're bisexual, they show you three women and three men, so you can choose what you're in the mood. Fork. Well, now get attraction on Max. Yeah, so that's that's why this episode will be called that a fine looking penis, isn't it. Well, you know what I'm doing as soon as we get off this podcast, I'm gonna read Yeah, I'm gonna resubscribe to Max, which I drove, sh don't. I don't subscribe to Max. It's not that it's poorn

or it's sexual. It's just so unbelievably it's awkward forward and awkward and and and harsh, and then nobody comes out offended. That's the thing Like in America, if you like that girl's fat, send her home. She'd come out and punch you. But they're like, I'm sorry, I guess that wasn't a good match for him. They're not offended. They have a different way of looking at things. They do everything backwards. I mean they drive on the opposite side of the road. This is this is beyond opposite

side of the roads. Scary you guys got to talk about on the morning show. This is the most I've seen. My follow up questions, Can we have them as a sponsor? Yeah? Or a guest that would be great. We'll take them.

from sales? Now somebody who is a friend of the Morning Show and some people in the industry, an industry friend will say, no, it is now the entire Morning Show got invites to the wedding, and it said, hey, here's your wedding invite Elvis and Alex Gandhi and Brandon Sheldon couples, he wrote, and his wife. But here's your invite, Scury. I'm like, uh, wait a second, and I'm not thinking, like, well, wait a second. Maybe the plus one is assumed. So

I had to compare and contrast with everybody else. Oh, because you did mention other couples that aren't married. Gandhi's not married, right, So I said to everybody else, hey, does your e E card have who's an evite? Does your E card have it as you and the guest are just your name but plus one? And like, no, it has the guest's name. So I've come to the conclusion that I was not invited with a guest. Now you know, my girlfriend I'm not going, is what you're saying.

But you were not invited. I could go as your plus one, couldn't I well, if I had a plus one, I don't even have that. That's my point. I've been robin for what for fourteen years? Now? Yeah, Now, maybe they're only inviting people who have a significant other or something. And now now but what but what about me? Just because I'm not married? Just because you don't know her doesn't mean you shouldn't invite her. Does that mean you shouldn't invite her? It's crazy to me. I don't know

what to do. I don't know if I should say something, which I just not go. It's well I know this person. Mmm, not really, which is why you weren't invited. But how do you feel about? Hold on? Hold on? Turn off to mic in and tell me what it is. Don't have to mic for a second. Turn hold on. Oh I know them, I mean maybe twice I met them, So maybe not invite Okay, so to say the least, but there's been I guess it's a big debate because if you're a bride, think about it this way. If

you're a bride and you are having your wedding. Some brides do not want. That's what most strangers in the room. They don't want. They don't want to invite anybody who they don't know personally, They don't want to know they know they know Brandon, I don't know. I think so, yes, I think they do. Saniel you said, Danielle de Lilo's going. Is she bringing a boyfriend? I don't know who. My My point is, do you feel that I mean, is it about the bride and the groom or is it

about the guests at that point? Because you want your guests to feel comfortable. But you know there are a lot of brides out there who feel that, Hey, look, I don't you know. It's expensive to throw this wedding. It's my day. I don't want people I don't know showing up at my wedding, which means your plus one

who I don't know, can't come. It's crazy, though, because wouldn't you rather have me come up come to your wedding, someone you love and know and you want there And as opposed to do you care more about me than your love for me or someone or the fact that a stranger is at your wedding and a lot of people feel that having a stranger at the wedding is worse than So basically, I'm screwed and I'm gonna I'm gonna feel like you feel like this people love this

person loves you. I just feel like an idiot. I just feel like I'm gonna go alone now and everybody else has a guest and I just don't. I don't know if I want to be part of that environment. You know, I'm wondering. I feel I feel a little disrespected. Okay, knocking, I'm wondering if you've got middleman, what do you mean? Well, the person you mentioned may not have a roster of people on the Morning Show at the top of their head.

So they contact a contact person on the Morning Show, whether it's best assistant Andrew, senior executive producer Nate, and they say, oh, give us a list who should who should be invited, so we don't forget anybody. And maybe the person that submitted the list forgot to give Robin an invite, or maybe this person knows Brandon and other plus ones better than they know Robin. But even so,

you should have plus I gotta be honest. We'll let me finish after the Stiletto's rock fiasco of the last wedding. I'm not so sure that maybe people didn't think you wanted her to be there since she ruined your last wedding. According to here, they didn't know about that incident. They listened to the Book and Boys podcast. They might. But if you think, I mean, do you think I'm wrong for wanting to bring my girlfriend? I mean, and that I get invited. I just think that they're all you gift.

You give a bigger gift when there's a I know Scary Jones gives a bigger gift, but it's it's it's the classy thing to do too, because everybody who you invite is someone special in your life. You want them to be feel happy and comfortable at the wedding. Now, I'm not saying bring someone who you just met off the street. But I've been with you know, I've been

with my girlfriend for years, so why you know? It's just you know, some people are like, oh no, I don't know them, so that's more important to me than my love for you. I don't think knowing this person wedding. This is the argument expensive would that person know whether or not you were married and this person has money.

They person you told me has some money. Yeah, but some people, if I'm bringing it back, if I'm dialing it down to some a typical everyday person who's getting married, they have these weddings cost a fortune, so in their mind they don't want to squander or waste money on someone they don't know, or they don't want someone to again turning up in their pictures. You know, they say to me, I don't want a video picture the video. You don't want to harp. I don't want to harp

on Gandhi and Brandon only because they're not married. Everyone else you mentioned was married. If she knows Brandon or she's better friends with Gandhi than you, where she might know Gandhi's in a serviage relationship with Brandon. First of all, Brandon's a lot of fun. I would want him at the wedding, that's a that's a no brainer. But does she know him where? If she was making the list, she'd be like, oh, Brandon where she doesn't know Robin

and may not even know you're dating anyone. Right, But my point is you should You should actually do your due diligence to find out you care about wanting me there, So shouldn't you ask around a little bit and be like the scary of a girlfriend or if I don't, you know, the scariest what's scary status? But what even if he's not But even if he doesn't have a girlfriend, even if I was single, you're not gonna You're not gonna give me a scary plus one on the that's

a different story. I had a cousin who got married and the parents paid for the wedding. They said, if you're not engaged, you're not coming. That was the rule. Though. The funny thing is some people that were dating didn't get to bring their dates me, and some people that were engaged broke off the engagement, right, Well, you can never tell. Well, that's the other thing. That's the other

thing you would bring. You know, people bring the you know, the couples show up to this wedding as guests, and you know, five ten years down the road, they may look at these pictures and be like, oh, that one broke up. That that anymore, you're gonna you're gonna be it. You're gonna be at d that ain't making the wedding book table. What do you mean, Well, when you when you see you're never getting married. When you get all the pictures from the wedding, you pick out the pictures

you want in the wedding book. So let's say you have twenty tables at your wedding, You're probably only gonna have fourteen of them in the wedding album. There's the coworkers. Aren't making it into the wedding album this unless you're gonna bring it to work. Then they got to be in the because they're like winding in the wedding book. You know, the friends of friends, the people you because they're in the industry. But those people are all at

a table. They're not making the wedding book because you know, ten years from now, you're like, who are those people? You think this person who you mentioned to me, who's getting married in eight years? Ten years, you can look back at a wedding, go you know, uh, spouse, let's reminiscetur at our wedding. Look at all the wonderful people, the friends we had. They're like, who the fuck is that guy with no date? Oh, I don't know. I think he worked on that radio show in New York. Oh,

good thing he didn't bring a date. He would have just had one more person in the picture. Counter point counter points, Yes, some close family that makes the wedding book. As you say, they can look back seven eight years down the road and look at that wedding book and find people that are in those pictures that have gotten divorces and broken up. Yeah, the difference doesn't mean no, it was like that guy's an asshole, speak fuck that guy.

That guy's anymore. That guy's an alcoholic. This one cheated on her husband, this one here is was got arrested, this one's in jail. You can look at this. You can look at the wedding book and and have the same haphazard collage of pictures that you were trying to avoid. I will tell you the difference. Yeah, people in my in my family or my wife's family. If you look at our wedding pictures, there's one or two people that

the family doesn't speak to anymore. So then you look in the picture you go, huh, don't talk to that guy anymore. That's it. But there are people in the wedding album friends of mine at the time, friends of my wife's, that people she worked with. Well, you go, what a fucking wasted dinner that was like you look back and you go like I thought that was a thing, Like I really thought that was a good friend. And then a year later they never spoke again. You're like,

I could have saved that money. Right, those are the people you don't want in the wedding album. I guess because you don't know. You don't know about the friends like I had. I had a bunch of people in the comedy industry that I used to be really good friends with. I'm not friends with them anymore. Just the word. It didn't work out. I got married a long time ago, so I look back and I go, ah, yeah, I don't talk to that guy anymore. Oh, I see in my fucking wedding album. Like the video, I can edit.

I can edit the video, no problem. These people in the video don't like edit technology.

I'm not. I always had to kneel. Brody mich was in the center of the picture. No, I went into the center. But it didn't work out for me because they always like, oh you know what, Brody, you and and so and so Neil in the front. So I was on my knee, very uncomfortable. Photographs can't crop out that person either, though. Can't come back the magic erase pens now on the phones and everything. You can crop out the kneels without the kneelers. Yeah, I don't know.

I just thought you'd take my side on this. I thought for I thought, for sure you Robin should have been invited. I'm saying, you know what, I think it is scary. I think this person, from what I remember, might have a closer relationship with Nate. And so if you invite one producer on the show, someone must have said, well, you gotta to invite your other producer, all right, fine, invite them, right. So you were like a no, no, You were like an also, no, I was you don't

interact with that person? A lot, do you I do, actually really yeah a lot. Well, when you when you speak to them, do you often bring up your your fourteen year girlfriend and by the way, not your fourteen year old glfriend you broke up with that fourteen years Yeah. Do you ever say like, oh, no and so, no, but I But regardless of that, whether you know or not, it's common courtesy. I'm a grown ass man. I'm not just a twelve year old boy. I'm not sixteen. I'm saying.

What I'm saying is you, whether you know or not, I'm saying you should in me with a plus one. I think you got you got middleman. But knowing asked for a list and somebody didn't think to mention Robin, that's what you should have. But even if she doesn't

know Robin, you're missing the point. I she should just invite you with a plus one whoever you want respect, respect the mind to just bring some No, you should know that I'm not going to bring some rando off the street that either I will volunteer and come solo, or if there's someone specially in my life that I'm dating, that I should bring them. But it's my prerogatives to do else? Is anyone else invited by themselves? I have

to find out. I don't know that you could sit with though, Okay, I don't know if I'm if two people, if two people were invited with no dates, Let's say you and Sam, even though Sam's married, you could sit with s and Sham was invited with William. Oh, well he's married to him married, that's okay. All of a sudden, the marriage gives the automatic green light. I also feel like I am when I just finished second half of

marriages and in divorce. So chances are that wedding album or there's people that you didn't want there, and there's total strangers. There's a fifty percent shot that they're gonna look back at this in ten years. Okay, as advocate, If there's a fifty percent chance of their marriage ending, why do they want to waste an extra fucking a couple of hundred dollars on Robin. I'm sitting now, I'm like, our marriage didn't work, and we wasted money on that

gov own's girlfriend, or that marriage worked. They look at these old videos and pictures and they're like that one, that one went up in flames, that's not a good. That was a terrible rule. Even if Robin came and you were sitting next to Robin at the wedding, they'd look at the picture ten So who's that guy? Who the fuck is she?

got your middleman slices. What do you think it's scary? Get middlemanned and someone scary works with every day fucked him? Or did the person having the party overlooked and didn't do research. Hit that talkback feature on your heart radio app Let us know it's the podcast. You could land a plane in between the space of me talking and you hitting that button. What you talking about willis oh? People have been sending me videos of spoofs of Facebook

marketplace of people selling things on Facebook marketplace. So now the new trend is to walk up to the counter and people are doing this in different places and going is this available? And then the person might account and goes yes, and then they just walk away because that's what happens constantly. So I have started labeling some things that I post as it's available and then the item right so that it says it entitle So this I got two scams this week. Let me tell you about

the scams. I put up an item, a kid's item from that my kids outgrew, and I got an immediate post is is this still available? I want to pick up it? Please text my cell? Who says that? First of all, who says I want to pick up it? And then who says please text my cell? What else would I text your toaster oven? You're fucking idiot. And then there's an area code that's nowhere near where I live. I know area codes move around, but still nowhere near live.

Then I get another one, is this still available? I want to buy? Please text my cell at another Rando area code. I want to buy if you try to, so I want to write them back like you scamming bastard, you have nothing better to do, but immediately wouldn't go through because they'd already left the group, which means it's a scam again. So this other item scary. I'm selling this item, it's called it's available, and then what it is and I'm asking ninety five dollars for it? Scary?

What did what did remy offer me for it? Remy? Yeah, my ninety five dollar thing. Remy. Oh, she offered you forty five dollars for it, right, thirty five dollars. I'll come now, I said. I said, no, not a chance. Then have I have something that's four hundred and forty five dollars okay, that I'm selling on the marketplace. This person sent me one hundred and fifty and pick up today or tomorrow. So I said, four hundred and forty dollars,

pick up whenever you like. They'll offered me one hundred and fifty on a four hundred and forty five dollars item. So this person wrote, I'm selling something that was my that was my my father's, that I've had in the house forever. It's an old piece of electronic equipment. It's a collector's item. Six hundred and twenty five dollars scary. Yeah, This person writes, what is the lowest? Now? In now.

By the time this person wrote that they wanted to bid on it, I had already written, already have offers for six hundred, meaning don't offer me four hundred, I've already This person wrote, what is the lowest you would consider? I said six, like it says in the post. This person says, are you flexible on the price, to which I replied, it actually says I'm not. In the descript this person says five hundred cash in hand, I'll be right over. I said, no, you will not. This person said,

this is an old piece of equipment. A lot can happen in thirty years. You should be asking less, I said most people. First of all, it says in description, probably doesn't work. I said, I don't care what happened to it. I'm selling it as is. And by the way, a lot is two words because they spell it alot. Wow. This person wrote, I wonder what would interest you for a trade for this vintage item of yours? So I wrote, six hundred and forty dollars would be a wonderful trade

that would be of interest of me. So they wrote like a hahaha, No, seriously, what would you like to trade for it? And I said six hundred dollar bills and two twenties. They unfollowed it. This person said, oh, will you sell it for three hundred since it's tested? And I said, I listed it's untested in the in the post, so I'm asking six hundred and forty based on the fact I know it's untested.

I wrote, no, this person. On the original post of the radio I'm selling for six forty, they put a smiley face ahaha laughing emoji. So I said, I'm sorry, sir, what's funny about my post? The insane price? Good luck? You'll never get that except for the fact that you haven't offer already. Yeah, I said, except for the fact I already sold it. The guy's coming Saturday to pick it up. And then someone else wrote, don't be jealous.

They're going for much more money on eBay. But this guy was like, oh, you live a good that money. I got that money, Go fuck yourself. Facebook Marketplace, I gotta say, man, this sounds like a lot of stress to me. I don't know that this is a part of Facebook that I never I click on ever, because this would be my life. My life would be answering these trolls back, these morons, morons, How do you handle it? Well, No, there are trolls on there because there are people there

that try and be little good people. No, there's good people, and and and again. The guy's coming tomorrow and I already spoke to him on the phone. Got we do the shit. Yeah, but you know it's cash. I don't have to give an eBay percentage. Fucking eBay fucked me, by the way, because none of you have to give like thirteen percent of his sales. But now if you sell more than six hundred dollars, you have to pay

income tax on that. So I have to pay another fifteen point three percent on top I've already lost fifteen percent Debay. It's becoming very difficult to make money because

everybody's taking some of it my money. You know why we have we have talkbacks in a little while, and we have sound I got to play right, but yeah, and we also Brody, you went behind my back and I did, and you wrote a parody song based on what we were talking about a couple of episodes ago, when my parents talking about well, I'm going to reiterate it,

my parent iterate it. My parents decide I did to go. Yeah, my father went shopping for family a family tombstone because basics of what tombstone A plot of one of those headstones, the gravestone because we figured we got to get a bargain now, so I didn't. I was very weirded out by seeing my name the scary on a name of a gravestone. You know, before it's before, before it's time. You know what I'm saying. It's wide enough for the

five of you. And then three spouts the whole plot, the whole thing, right, Yes, So they went shopping like now. I mean, it's it's just weird to me. And I was creeping out the thing I would do to save money, but even I wouldn't do that. It's crept out. It's creeped out. So anyway, you just started to take the ball and run with it. So I made a little I made a little song parody about the family gravestone. Do we want to hear that for me? Yeah, let's

hear it. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Serious Headstone movie about somewhere.

Imann tell you what about what it's about first? Now, it's one of these infomercial commercials, like you know, all the all the ones with the bulb head ones that we did, like don't now before they're all going, we're going out of business. I want you to read. At the last thing you hear is the announcer telling you how great this thing is and then tell me what's wrong with his one thing he says that's great that this product has. That's like you listen to it, gad any day.

I want you to tell me what what Mister one's first name is according to this announcer, ALLUS offense.

over again a certain amount of times. Yeah, and everyone says, oh, I'm OCD, but they don't mean they're really OCD. This is a guy on the Fantasy Football channel on Sirius XM who claims he's OCD. Listen to the clip and you tell me if he's OCD.

talking about how he organizes it. I can't still still not sitting to be able to sit still is a fidget problem. Has nothing to do with O c D. Right, it's right, it's a. It's a. It's right, hyperactive, it's not O c D. Then he was talking about because I'm on the show and somebody's texted me. I'm host, like someone's texting him. Has nothing to do with being O c D. Right, right, But he keeps saying he is, over and over and over again. Okay, I thought you,

I thought you. Well, then that's we're playing that clip for two different reasons. I got something else out of it. Then, you know whatever, Okay, I I think I told you was it during the podcast? I think I told you about Nicki Latarulo. Who's gonna be your new favorite Nicky? Yes, hey, Nicki Latarulo, she's on s n Y. She's fantastic. She

speaks like every girl we grew up with. But you know, when you take a word that's plural or ends an s and you want to make it possessive, you would say, like Elvis's car, right, but Elvis isn't plural, right, but Elvis isn't plural, it's singular. Listen to she. I guess she must have read the teleprompter and it had an apostrophe. But listen now, she says the name of the football team, which clip is this? Giants one? I don't have it, seriously, Yeah,

not part of this package. Sorry, I'm now playing off my phone. Play off my phone, then hold up a.

back and the rear's back. That's hysterical. Yeah, on the rear of his back. World Champions. Play it. I don't remember what it is, but play it. But I congratulated the Indie Edge team that won the World Series for the second row in a year. Oh, they won for the second row in a year. That's just yeah. Second wrote right in the World Series for the second rower in a year. That's just No. A person with dyslexier talking backwards to the state, it's odd. All right, we'll play findings. Okay.

Thirteen year old X like a puppy him. Okay, my thirteen year old acts like a puppy again. All right, I said that was weird. All right, listen that mind mind blowing. A fine looking penis. By the way, fine a fine looking penis in it. It's a fine looking penis.

mention is unrelated to yes, yes it is. Okay, but some people called it a bali. We talked about it on the air, but it's not. You know what a bagel is. Think of what a flagel is. A flagel is a flatlatlaned bagel, a flat bagel, a flailing bagel. It is a flat bagel. It is a bagel. Yeah, that has been flat bagel compressed. It's it's it's usually wider, it's it's bigger, but it's got it's arguably has less dough, but although there's been arguments that say that it has

just as much dough. But it's it's kind of flat. It's denser, but it's a flat basar people who think it has less though. Danielle and I ordered flagels for breakfast because it's just a plain flagel. Mm hm and what is they what do they show up with a bagel? Just a bagel, uncut bagel. I'm like, wait a second, Oh, speaking of uncut bagels that I mentioned the penises in Britain, that's a mighty fine bagel you got there, that's a

mighty fine bagel in it. Yeah, and it, dude, a bagel is not a flagel, and a flagel is not a bagel. But but a man, which is a meal. I was so angry and then Gandhi caught me in one of my worst moments because I was screaming. She put a filter on me. I saw that. By the way, kudos to Gandhi. Brilliant, brilliant use of the filter. I was pissed off beyond belief because there's a big difference if you don't have it. Let me know, I'm not gonna want to bag I'm not gonna want a bagel.

I wanted a flag I was in the mood. This person who packed it, you know, decided, well, it's close enough, it's in the family. But there it was a bagel that was flatter than the other ones. But no, but there's the flagel. When you toast it is different. It has a crunch to it. There's a lot more going on there, right, because when you toast a bagel, it

doesn't crunch. My point is, if you order something mm hmm, expect to get either either pack and either deliver what's ordered or just say you don't have it, don't try and replace it. What's the difference between you and me. I always get what I order. I never have yeah, right, and if I have anything's wrong, I just roll with it, but don't take liberties and replace the item. There's a specific reason why I ordered a flagel and not a bagel, because I was moved for a flagel. I understand that

you were. It was a flagrant a mistake on that pot. They fucked you off and they wanted to make the money, and I paid two twenty five extra for this flagel. Oh, so what happened when you called? What did you get to two dollars twenty five cents more than a bagel? Well, they got to pay the guy to sit on it. Dude, I got ra But what did you get when you called? I got a bit. I didn't call. Oh, we we sat? What did I What have you not listened to this

podcast once? Have you not paid any attention to the teachings of David Brody? There were slices right now pounding their forehead going, how is scary not call and get free? Dessart? It was more trouble than it was worth it. And we were on the air. We were on the air. What we're gonna do? Hey, Elvis? So you have an a do it? You have?

expect right good, except it be amazing. You expect it to And what kind of what kind of place? Not the name of the place, this kind of place? It was a bagel store? Oh it has bagel in the title? Was it a four star? Michelin stars? That got rated? Because when things go wrong for me and TJ Friday, you always go, well, what do you expect you going to TJ Friday? Well, skate, what do you expect you went to a bagel store? Well, there aren't bagel chefs

working there, but there aren't. They don't they don't go poppy bagel, Yes chef, they don't do that, but there are no such things. Can I get a shmear on and everything. Yes, sir chef, there's no such thing as a flagel store, so I have to get the flagel at the bagel store. Okay, I got Maybe someone should open up a flagel star or oh my god, no, all right, I gotta go.

a smashed bagel. There's more. There's something about it that's different. Oh yeah, all right. We have a difference between a bagel and a flagel, not just a shape. Let's see what Let's see. Let's see what Google says. A flagel has made the same way as a regular bagel. The dough is mixed, proof, boiled, and bake. The differences. The flagel is flattened after it is boiled before it goes in the oven. The result is a crispy or thin bagel.

Thank you, it's crispy and crunchy, so squash it and put it in the toaster on the shut up dick. All right, we got some talkbacks. If you listen on the iHeartRadio app, there's a little microphone there you could know. But if you're a new listener, you don't know, and maybe you don't listen, maybe listen on Spotify. I don't know.

By the way, next week, episode two seventy two, I expect to hear reviews of Naked Attraction, the TV show I talked about, that you watched it, I used to they already watched it, and what you think of it. This is my that's what I want for next week, And this is my way of getting new people to send talking because some we're getting a lot of the same repeat customers, which is fine, but I'm to hear

some new voices. So if you listen in the iHeartRadio app, click on the microphone when you see it and leave us a talkback like this one. This is pointing to episode two sixty eight, The Bribe and Groom.

wanted full you know, his full gift. Well, I think look domination wedding. Yeah, it's it's a Coastnation wedding. There's a you know, a destination wedding. You're assuming everyone's flying in, right, But if you invited people two couples, you knew how to fly in. You probably know whether they're wealthy or not, or middle class, lower mill whatever. You probably have some

idea what they can afford. And if they're spending five hundred to one thousand dollars to come, I think one hundred dollars gift says, listen, you wanted us here, we wanted to show you, we wanted to be here. We gave you the gift, uh on top of traveling. I think that's a fair gift. I think one hundred dollars is fine. I do because you can't expect it to cost.

police involved. So you never know.

like we don't know he's disappeared. Now he's becoming on last week off from a legend.

been hundreds of weddings. If it always just two o'clock on the it's just two o'clock on the ceremony. The bride comes in at fucking two thirty sometimes, like she's like a rock star, the headliner of a show, no way, no way. You go to a Broadway show and it says starts at seven, what time you get there? But that's a Broadway show Apples and Oranges. No, the star comes out at seven, the crowd goes crazy. You can't walk in at seven oh one, yet they make you

stand until it alone. When you went to a Gudget Roses concert that's at eight o'clock, What the fuck time did Axl Rose show up on stage three days later? Exactly my point? I rest my case. Excellent. Your bride's got a crackhead.

the next one round. I wasn't basing my ring up a penny based on when I was in restaurants I recently the waiter will suggest, oh, I have to bring up a penny so you can leave it, have no problem, right, But if the system can't, I can't do it ring up a dollar six, motherfucker, No tell me you're gonna do it? Or say would you like a soda something to go?

about that? Play the next call? It hates me.

to him and went to the restaurant. Do you think that that they would care if I if fans went to the government, Oh please, they didn't care the same way. You shouldn't have cared.

you're someone who obsesses over someone. Yes, do anything? Yeah, like like I'm a simp for Taylor Swift, right, but a simp meaning a a guy will do. I'll do I'll bend over backwards right for someone in my everyday life. You know some Okay, we we gotta move on. We gotta scary.

am a nerdy guy. I have video games, I play board games. I do enjoy a good fight. Uh, there has to be a fighter that they're trying to kill each other. I don't like them to see, you know, just slapping around and fight that takes, you know, forever. I have gone to bars, I have gone through strip cups, but it's with my guy friends now, you know.

the movie Jaws, especially, you'll fucking love it. I went with our friend Greg from Caroline's Comedy Club. He was seeing it for the fifth time. The cast is amazing. Ian Shaw, son of Robert Shaw from the movie Jaws, wrote it. He's in it as playing his father, and Alex Brightman brilliant. Oh my god, is Richard is so good? Such a good movie, so many such a good play, so many inside jokes. Go watch the movie Jaws. If you haven't seen it yet, then go see the show

The Shark Is Broken. It's only a limited time run. In fact, Alex Brightman just got announced he's gonna be in Spamlot, So go see The Shark Is Broken before it's no longer on Broadway. Hurry, it's good. But if you have to see the movie first, and that was a long episode. They were a lot of total effects. Broc that's a fine working Greeness is b Boys, Brol