#197: Mr. Cream Jeans

night when I'm falling asleep. Okay. One of the main reasons we're doing this podcast on a Friday afternoon is that you realized it was gonna rain, and it wouldn't You wouldn't have any plans, so you're like, oh, let's do it friday afternoon. Yeah, I don't have anything to do. It's raining, it doesn't interfere with anything. But I got a noose for you, dude. There's a blue sky that's coming from the northwest right now. What didn't you say this morning on the new you did the weather report

for the local on our home station. I said I was gonna raise you know. You said something about was glampy clouds, something with a glamp, Yeah, something with a g um. She'd be a gusty shower tomorrow. Oh, gusty shower. That's it. I thought that sounded like a stripper. Gusty showers today. Now entering the room, gusty showers, give it up stage, the latest gentleman, now approaching the pole, speaking of strippers. Had an awkward moment last night with my

youngest daughter. So please tell the story quickly. I don't want to because I'm already draining my own conclusions. No no, no, no no, no no no. So she and her friends went to to the Islanders Devil's hockey game last night. My daughter is uh was raised to be an Islanders fan, even though we live in New Jersey, and all her friends are Devil's fans, so she went an island of gear. And of course, how did that happen? My wife is from Long Island, where the Islanders are from, and my

wife up a big hockey fan. They had season tickets, so she's the Islanders fan, and they're all her friends and Devil's fans because they live in New Jersey. So she went to the game. I said, I said, listen, you know that you gotta get booed right people. I said, no, one's gonna hit you because you're little, but you're gonna get booed. It's like, I'll be fine. No one's gonna bother me. I'm a little I'm a young girl. I'm like okay. So after I picked her up and she's like, yeah,

I got yelled at and booed. Did the Islanders win? No? They lost for nothing? Oh that makes it worse. Yeah, but that's at the point of my story, and it's never a point to my story. But they I got her some our friend I don't want to give his name out. I don't get in trouble, but we had a friend who worked for the Mets and now he works for the Devil. So he hooked me up for them to get them into the lounge areas. There's two lounge areas that are there behind the seats on two levels.

You can watch the game, but there's they have a bar and they have a buffet, and it's really nice areas and it's part of a club package. If you buy certain tickets to those sections that have the club behind them, you can go up the stairs and behind your seats is this lounge area. And so I said, listen. Uh, she says, well, kind of get Shirley Temple's, you know, which is basically sprite or seven up with the grenadine. Grenadine being the the juice that the Maraschino cherries are in.

I don't know that to be a fact. I think Marichino cherries are in sugar water. But it's the same kind of sweet, pinkish uh stuff that anyway, So I said, yeah, I'm sure you can, but listen, take some singles with you now, uh. And I said, well, I go, so you have to tip the you have to tip the bartender. So she didn't say anything. So I'm driving her and and her friends in into the game, a couple of their friends, and I said, did you bring singles? And

she didn't. I said what she was why? I because if the bar, even if it's free, if the bar tender makes you drinks, you should give him like a dollar for every two, you know, a couple of dollars. If you make seven for a Surly Temple, it's it's sprighting and some grenadine. And she's a kid, so missed apple tini. Relax. So I'm getting free drinks at the bar.

I'm tipping five dollars on every drink because he's still like Shirley Temple, My, why would my kids pay five dollars for soda from the whole point of getting in the lounge to can drink soda for free? I understand, I understand a dollar for your kid. I'm trying to

teach her to do the right thing, right. So I said, you gotta give him a couple of bucks if you get like five drinks to give him to three dollars, you give him something or horror, you know, He goes, why is the you're treating the bartender like a stripper? So I said, I'm not telling you to put the dollar bills in his pants. And she says, how do you know that? How do you know it's what you do with strippers? She threw it right back at you.

So I said, I read it in a book once. Well, I gotta be gotta be careful with because now especially they're getting the sharpest attacked. They're getting older and wiser, They're gonna start asking more questions. Yeah, well, yeah, the question is they don't want dad to know stuff, just like they know a mom to know stuff. I get it. Yeah, I feel like I've got to put a close pin on my nose right now, because there is something fucking foul coming through the vents from This is the drawback

of living in an apartment building. All the vents are connected, so my kitchen vent and my bathroom vent have various smells coming through them from other apartments cooking. Someone is stewing cabbage. It smells like a giant fart in my bed, in my bathroom, which is appropriate, but the accept it's it's clean and I haven't been in there. Cabbage is just terrible. Cabbage is awful. It gives off the most disgusting But who's cooking what? And do I get to

complain about it? I guess I can. No, I don't think it complain about cabbage or any kind of smell. But you eat call Slaw, right, which is real cabbage? Yeah, but that doesn't have that There's not a sent to it. This. Somebody is cooking. Someone's boiling cabbage on a human. It's like farts. It's just awful. I was Did I tell you the story about col Slaw? I tell you the cabbage con Sla story. No, so do you remember? I don't mind outing them because that's just the way it was.

I don't know if they still do it. But I used to be a manager, assistant manager for a huge, one location, upscale fast food place called Roll n Roaster, a huge, hugely successful place and they it's fast food, but they make everything fresh they make. We made, we made our own soup, our own sauce. Known for their roast beef yeah. Yeah, and putting cheese was on everything. Fries with cheese, roast beef with cheese, please, that's correct,

that's the slogan. So as an assistant manager, one of the things you did was you were in the back and you were preparing the food. So I had to, you know, make the pecampie mix and slice the roast beef and do all the stuff to get the fresh food out. You know, we had frozen mozarella sticks and frozen french Yeah yeah, right. So the cole slaw. Now I don't like cole slaw, would never eat call slaw, but we had to make cole slaw. Wow, you didn't get it from a package. I feel like that's one

of those shortcut foods. No, I told you this place makes. We had to make our own clam chowder because they would be right there with the frozen mozzarella sticks, because the volume of mozarella sticks is outrageous. We wouldn't be able to bread all the mozarella sticks for the thousand orders a day that we did. But the cole slaw wasn't a huge item. It was you know, maybe we sold fifty a day, forty little cups of coles. Okay, well,

here we go. So you had these giant plastic bins, right, and you would use the slicer and cut up the cabbage. You'd slice and shred the cabbage in the slicer. Some places have a machine, like a Hobart machine. Hobarts the company. You'd put it in it with like I think maybe we did. Maybe we use the attachment. We may have

had an attachment that shredded it. I don't remember. Anyway, you shredded or sliced the cabbage and then you poured in the I think it's mustard seed, some kind of caraway seeds, some kind of seed goes in the in there. Not that kind of seed. No, nope, nope, nope, nope, not even for the angry customers, No, not even for the rude Karen's. No. No, it wasn't load slaw. It was Coleslaw. So and then we had like we had

Hellman's cole Slaw mix in giant one gallon jugs. Yeah, it's well, it's the it's the liquid that's in the cole slaw. It's pre made with all the seasonings that you'd have in there. Okay, well there's no easy way to mix this giant bucket. Okay, you gotta stop right there. So I've eaten loads of this slaw over my lifetime, right well, uh well no, again, this is before before maybe people were as glove crazy as they are like

in restaurants. Come on, so we would you just put your arms, your bare arms and hands into the giant bucket and and slop it around and you'd squeeze it to get like all the draw in the bottom and make sure all the coast because the giants spooned that. We didn't have like a we didn't have a massive thing that so we just did it with our hands. I was like, you're serious. So I thought it was a prank when I did it the first time. I'm like, come on, you guys are pranking makes on the new guys. So,

oh my god. This is a long time ago around the same time you were doing that, you were across the street. I was across the street at the Palm Short Club and I had I had to make the tuna fish. Now what how do you think you made tuna ficient bulk, Brodie? But your feet, Brodie. We used to take a giant bus box, a bus boxes, the giant oh, the gray one, the gray boxes that you usually put all the plates in and silver. Oh no, the bins for the coal slow were bigger plastic than that.

But these are big giant bus box which which is sometimes it's used for dirty dishes made you see in every restaurant. Yeah, well it's been sanitized, and then they take We used to take these oversized cans of chunk Light tuna in oil. And now chunk Light is the cheap tuna. And the can of the tuna was huge.

It was like one of those It was one of those Costco jet trow restaurant size, which is the size of maybe like a fucking half gallon of tuna, and each can shore and then we used to open it up and we just go throw it into the fucking bus bin, throwing them in, throwing them in, and then we used to take the oversized gallons of Helman's mayonnaise, of course, and literally take the whole gallon and throw it in the bus box sound with the tuna on

a giant grand scale. Then roll up your sleeves, wash your hands really well, scrub them really well, of course, and then because everyone did that, and then you take both your hands and you literally used to massage it like you're massaging someone backing like the call slaw, like mixing the two. And they made that sound that it was disgusting. Dude, like mayonnaise and tuna. I don't like cole slaw, so me, it was worse. Oh my god,

you just brought back some bad memories. So for that reason, I never I never eat storeboard the store made tuna, because all you do is I see it in the delicates, and I'm like, I know how that was made. And by the way, the egg salad and a chicken salad too, So I just ruined everyone's mealcast and rody. So you mentioned earlier that you had a smell in your apartment, Well, I have a good news bad news story that I'd

like to share with you. One is me getting over on the system, and one is the system getting over on me. So I thought the law on the law one, the law one. So you know, I do the morning show every day from home when I don't come Well, okay, it's actually a cushion gig It's a couch cushion giga. And so I'm in my den, which is about six steps off the kitchen, and um, you know, it's got a nice TV on the wall, and I have a

nice couch and coffee table. I have a set up in there to make you know too, so I can get you know, I have everything I need to to work. Anyway, over the past year and a half, the carpet has just gotten black and and so the this this besides the staircase, there's three doors in my den, one down to the basement, one to the garage, and one to the backyard. So when you come in from the garage,

you're coming into the carpeting in the den. When you come in from the backyard, you're coming into the carpeting in the den. And if you take a bag of garbage from the backyard to the garage, you shoot sometimes drag it through the den. So I had just drag stains and footmarks and just awful dirt in the pathway from the back door to the garage door, because no matter what, garbage is being dragged through right otherwise you

gonna walk around the whole house. So sometimes they just bring it through and I hope for the best, but it's a lot of walking in from the garage. It's raining. If he get there's no great system, don't tweet me with suggestions. We've tried everything, so I'm gonna put tile in my den. So I decided last Saturday would be the perfect day to rent from home depot the carpet shampooing machine and you buy a jug of the soap

and you bring it home. You get if it's twenty four hours, Well, what's special about Saturday into Sunday last week? M hmm, Saturday. I rented the machine at three o'clock and the girl says to me, you have to bring it back by three o'clock tomorrow. Okay, I said, that's fantastic, scary. I got it for twenty five hours because of daylight saving booom boom day. The best day to rent something for twenty four hours is on that day because you get the extra hour. Xtra you want to rent the

truck a car. That's the day to do it, Daylight Savings day, the day before anybody would save. You want to work, you want to work a shift at a bar, not the day to do it, because you get ripped off, ripped off by an hour. Well, when I used to work at Rolling Roaster, we used to we used to work until two in the morning, and so sometimes they make us work till three and then back the clock up terrible to keep us open later because they wanted the extra hour, like oh it's two o'clock. No, it's

only one o'clock, and which stay open. But then they stopped doing X. People go like, that's ridiculous, but but but that that is the ultimate day of the year. Mind blowing everybody to rent something for twenty four hours because you get it right. So okay, but so here, So I come home, I bring machine on my mixed the solution into the bucket and I had to had to mix it into the bucket like I don't know

eight or nine times, because I did that copet. I did the competing upstairs, I did the rug in the dining room. I went crazy with ifs right, went Ham, I went ham like all over the place and when I did the den, because it was so heavily soiled, I kept going over the same spots a couple of times, rather than like, did you get all the stains out? I got all the stains out. You may, so I bring the machine home on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I'm

loving life, my copet. I'm so proud of myself. Wednesday night, I start smelling something. Apparently I let the carpet not dry fully. I didn't suck all the water out, I didn't put fans on it. And now I've got a mildew smell in my den. So I got to home depot and I buy arm and hammer powder to remove the mold and mildew smell from your carpet, and I sprinkle it all over. I let it sit for half hour. And you know, I put fans on from Wednesday night

to Thursday. I had two small circulating fans retriculating but yeah, right, oscillating oscillating fans. Yeah, oscillating fans to dry the carpeting. And then I put the powder down in the den and in the rug in the living room, in the dining room rather and I waited a half hour and I did the rug in the dining room, no problem. Smells better, I wouldn't say perfectly, but better. And I powdered the hell out of the den carpeting, let us sit for forty minutes just in case, and I vacuumed

it up well. Apparently in one area the carpet wasn't completely dry, even though at the top felt like it to dry, it was not, so I vacuumed it. Now it smells like mildew for breeze. Breathe, happy foot, breeze, La la, la, la la. It smells like arm and hammer powder for breeze and mold. But he is where it gets worse. In the spot right next to the the coffee table where I broadcast every day, it was a little moist, and so I've created a paste like substance in the competing so when you walk on it,

your sneakers get sticky. When I go up to the kitchen and it goes that's disgusting. So I got my free hour, and guess what I'm doing Saturday again, And this time you only get it for twenty four hours. Twenty four hours. I'm getting ripped off. But now you gotta read it again, though, it sounds to me like you better Regina, Regina Steamer that bitch, Yes, I got. I'm gonna have to Stanley Steamer. I'm gonna have to do something. They have. They have that jingle Stanley Steamer

gets carpets clearly what you call them. I'm not paying a company to come here, and I'll do it my because it takes a half hour. I'll do it myself. I'll just make sure I get all the water out this time. Famous last words favorite Bernie is going to do it himself. Well, okay, how did it turn out for you when you install old You're hot tub? I didn't stall my hot tub myself, or even when I

tried to fix one. We tried to fix one little thing. Yeah, I may have disconnected a wire a tube and and uh yeah, I gotta fix But doesn't bode well, Brodie. I fixed some things. I fixed you you've you've heard me on this podcast. I fixed it. I know you're missed to fix it, but something Remember there's there is a margin of error. There is that chance that you're

gonna fox something up. All right, Well, speaking of doing things myself, I'm not going to tell you here now because I know you have something that you want to talk about, but I do want to tell you about my experience at the dry cleaners, about you know, the same ones I told you that I tried to charge me too much for this. I had the dry cleaner problem too. I mentioned it on the air, and I was wondering what was well. I guess we'll talk about

it when we talk about dry cleaning, I guess. But but I wanted to bring everybody up to speed about what's going on and what we're about to unleash in our merch store. This is very important. This is big stuff, folks. We are going to start doing a deal. First of all the Christmas ornaments they're coming. We have. We already got scary and already got our ship. Yeah, we have a an ornament where it's a I guess, a person wearing a sweat of Brooklyn Boys spread man. I'm sorry,

gingerbread man. Where they aren't people. I don't if if you identify as a gingerbread person, I'm not I'm not saying you're not a person gingerbread man wearing um the Brooklyn Boys, a sweater with the Brooklyn Boys logo on it. Two different kinds two different varieties. No, I think three, and then then a the third one. Oh oh right, the third one is a gingerbread man. I don't think the other proty whipped yours out. I don't think the

snow globe the snow globe. Right, we have a snow globe with the Brooklyn Boys right logo, and we have the gingerbread man wearing an f you abe sevent right, So I think you know, I think it's the snow globe. But there's three varieties. But here's the thing, and this is the exciting part. Four are until supplies last, I believe, or for you buy any two items in this promotion, right, you buy any two items in the Brooklyn Boys store, you get an ornament for free. Yes, that that sounds

that is right? Any two. But you may say, I already have all of the Brooklyn Boys merch. What do I need more? Well, guess what. We're restocking our ugly Christmas sweater from last season that's coming back, and we're about to introduce two new items in the form of beanies. We have a Beanies regular beanie not to kind of look like a yamak with an umbrella on top, like like a ski Cap. Yeah, the ski Cap beanies, like you know, the like the hat, the old pom on top.

One of them has a pomp pom. I got the pompom on one of them doesn't. I'm a pompom guy. I'm not a pump. I don't like the pomp. I don't like the little little poof at the end. I feel like that would be a theme song to our sitcom. He's a pompom guy, He's not. And we have them in barious colors. So when you say to yourself self self, can I do I really want to do? I? Do I need anything else? To the Brooken Boys merch Store, the answer is yes, you do. You need one of

these beanies. And if you buy a second item, like maybe the Brooklyn Boys Ugly Christmas sweater or whatever in the store, boom, we're gonna hook you up with a free ornament. So we're gonna see, we're gonna show pictures of all that stuff, and that's available immediately at Brooklyn Boys dot Big Cartel dot com. Let me check my notes. Yep, that's correct, that's Brooklyn Boys, Big Cartels. Hey, Hey, it's Brooklyn Boys dot Big Cartel dot com. You'll edit that up,

like clean that up? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I edited it. It's it's true. Okay, Brooklyn. You know what, you get a little little trigger happy with them with the commercial button. Now, sorry, it just happens. I don't I don't know. It just it just appears out of thin air. All right. So you want to total try cleaning? Yeah, yeah, first a dilemma that I with a dry clean. I kind of need you and the slices on this one. I need I need some slice advice as well. Advice slice advice,

slice vice. I like that. That's a nice catching slice. We need a slice vice slice slice can I I can use some add slice here. I just thought of something, the Google thing add slice. Maybe that's where we bring in the ad slice with the Google thing. Yeah, all right, we'll introduce that next week. We have to at this point we have to figure out how to work it. If we haven't, I think you have to turn around, flip it and reverse it in order to work it right.

And then it's just a jump to the left. I was doing, miss Elliott, I know, and I'm adding on by doing the rocky pictures. Yes, why can't you gotta put that thing down? It's you know, like when you make your password, it's like past ward you have to put an exclamation point in question mark. That's what I did. I added the weird sound, which is rockyra pictures show yes, exactly, alright, sad Amber stand right. So I went, I brought my

uh my pants to the cleaners. Now, now I think we talked jeans because I know you bring yours in the They were the jeans. But these jeans, but these are the way somebody texted in when you told the story. Got you tell the story. Remind me to tell you about the text message we got because I don't think he saw it. Go ahead, tell the story about you jeans.

So they were brand new, fucking jeans. And if you remember jeans a man, nice easy off jeans, Yeah, they have snap on the snaps you just rip them off like I'm like, I'm a stripper. Yeah. So if a couple about a month ago, I think we talked about it on this podcast. There was icing donut icing on the freaking share of the radio station of the studio.

In my brand new jeans that I had only worn once I walked by it, and this yellow number yellow number five icing I think it's that fucking yellow chemically of red number five, which was banned in the seventies, but yellow number five still exists. And that's how do you know what shape? I think it's called yellow? Number five is mombo number. It was a yellow. It was a yellow whipped cream icing, and it was on the chair and I rushed past it and it got all

over my fucking brand new jeans. I was fit to be tied. I brought those jeans to the cleaners. Sure, well, that's their job, clean up, clean them all right. And of course at these cleaners, you pay up front ten dollars, twelve dollars whatever it is to remove a stain, I said, must remove stain. That's a scam. By the way, Well, of course the scam paying up front, they pay you up you pay up front. That's staying for dinner before the food arrives. Well, because if they don't do the

job properly, then you can't get your money back. See if you you could always refuse to pay if you don't like the job they do, which is why they ever come back, which is why they charge you right up front, right or never come back. Or the people store there, you know, people store their mink coats, their fur coats, their winter coats. They bring them in for dry cleaning in March and then they'll come back from

till October. They just leave him there. Well, I ended up picking my stuff up and I said to the guy, who whoa, whoa, whoa, what's this? I could still see the yellow It's still yellow. This the yellow stain is still there. And he goes, yeah, we tried. We tried our best. We tried it twice. Uh, you know, nothing that we have is gonna solve this problem. So I'm like, okay, that's great. You charged me sixteen Hello, Uh what's up? Yeah, no, you that's it. We we went it went through the cycle.

So it went through the cycle twice. They tried their best. I'm ship out of luck. What would Broody do? Well, For one thing, I would immediately take it to another dry cleaner, because I would see if someone else can get the stain out. Now I'm paying triple. Well know if somebody if someone you're paying dumb double, if somebody else confirmed they can't get the stain out, then that's then you've done. What are you gonna do? However, I would say, look, I paid you full us to clean it.

They're gonna say, well, we we did did the process. We we did, we did the thing. There's no guarantee. That's problem is no guarantee. I would not be happy. I said, well, I'm either run it through again, well you have to charge you again. I'd say, you know what, charge me have price, run it through again. But I'm not paying full price. But they won't do it because they're still using the same chemicals, which, by the way,

it's a big vat. They throw in a vat. It's not a thing, it's not so so I don't but don't they owe me my money back because they didn't complete the task. They'll say that, they'll say it's some kind of crazy chemical. They'll they'll make up some excuse so just so so they get paid just for the effort. I guess they get yeah, because it's one of those jobs. Man. I hate them. I hate the industry and my backup the two backup places in my area, the one around

the corner of the one across the street. They one of them went out of business and one of them, uh they they they're they're vacationing. They went back to their Homeland. It said I went went to see family because I went in there once. They were like, oh, yeah, we we We sometimes go back to whatever country they're from, it doesn't matter. And so they were like, we're closed for a month, so I can't use them either. So I'm like fuck so, so all right, so you're fun.

So tell me a slice advice. Am I wrong here? Or should I just get over it? Scary Jones. I have a pair of jeans from the Gap, okay, and they're one of the genes I could not wear previous to my weight loss. M hmm. So now I'm in good old normal day well slimmer Dave Brody jeans, the ones that don't have the built in flex that American Eagle puts in. Right, So i'mwhearing my my standards. So I remember now, oh, it's been a few years since

I wore these. The button, the metal button at the top that you tuck into the loop, the whole the loop de loop, you know when you button your pants at the top. It had the nub at the bottom of it goes into a hole in the jeans. Right. The whole had been stretched a little bit so that on occasion when you button your jeans and you went to open them, the button part would go with the left side and come out of the right side, right.

So I brought it in. And you know, the buttons on gap jeans, they say gap on them right when you look at them, gap gap gap around it right. So I bring the button in and I show them the whole, and I said, hey, can you guys just sew this whole a little tighter? No problem, no problem, pay in advance, of course. So I had something else need to be sewn, and that two things need to

be sewn, and I pick him up Wednesday. I picked him up Wednesday, and I put the jeans on and the and the button, the buttons looking good, buttons looking it's it's fine, it's tight. And did a nice job sewing it. But but I'm noticing on my jeans that the color of the button is not the same as it was, and it doesn't match the rivets on the pockets. Something's up. So I look at the button and it doesn't say gap, gap gap, cap gap. It says Calvin Klein,

Calvin climb. Now, unless someone's down there at my crotch, which God willing would be nice if somebody was someday, but nobody, nobody is. No one's gonna notice it, but I notice it. They swapped out my button, either because it fits better or because they lost the original one. But now I've got a Calvin Climb button on gap Jeanes. Am I wrong? It's driving me crazy. But it's so small and minuscule, You jewish, I'm talking about the button.

I'm talking about the button. Sorry, it's taney. It's such a it's scary. If if they brought your own money exchange jeans in and they put a cost O Kirkland button on them, you would not be happy. Admit it, admit it. A bunction button. A button is there for function, not for okay, so I'm not there for style. Your button set Armani a X right. I wouldn't give a fox. I wouldn't give a fuck. You couldn't give a funk if you're Armani buttons. If it's aid a f because

I don't give I don't care. If it's aid a f full of ship, full of ship. No, I'm not, No, I'm not. I am. There are certain things that I've learned are just not worth fighting for. Certain things. You let it go let it go. Okay, and I would let it go. Okay, you'r Alexis, you drive Alexis right, Uh, okay, you're about to compare my lexus to a pair of jeans and a button. Here we go. Let's hear this comparison to BMW. Let's hear this analogy. Let's say let's

say your your floor mats. That's say Alexis on them. You bring him in to go to a car wash. But when you get back in the car wash, you have the same exact call of mats. But now they say Chevy on them. That's a problem because they're visible. That's visible to the naked eye. No, it's a little tiny logo by the gas pedal, a little logo in the corner, a little wouldn't mind if it's if it's not visible, if it's unobstrusive, don't care, don't care, don't care.

I only care. If listen the function is there. You get to button your jeans again. So so there you go. They had to replace days and there was a reason why they changed the button, Brodie. It was probably because they couldn't work with what they had. So that should be a phone call. Hello, Mr Brody. Is it okay? If we put a Calvin fucking Client button on your jaans, is it the same color? It's a little different. It's half the time you wear a belt over your jeans.

You don't even see the button. I don't tend to wear belts either way, Nobody, nobody is gonna ever notice. It's the principle of it. I paid full price. I want my cap. You're a neurotic. I'm neurotic. You're the one who the cream on your pants? Where is the stain? Scary? Where on the jeans is the stains? Oh, it's all over the fucking thigh and it's on, It's on my ass, it's on it's on my left cheek. You got a cream stain on your I got a cream stain on

my ass cheek. That sounds awful. That's the name of this episode is cream stain ass cheek. No, I'm kidding, that's not or maybe, but really I think there's a big difference between that and a button. I think you're taking a little bit too uh, all right, all write a right or wright a right a right? Alright, Um, we have some h No. I was just surprised commercial you think I'm gonna think I'm being triggered happy. I think you like to have I think you are. I'm

not trigger happy. Don't be triggered happy. I'm not gonna be trigger happy. Um, I thought we had some email to read? Did we have a lot of stuff to read? And I keep put passing off? All right, well, well let's let's catch up on ship. Huh what do you think we'll catch up on ship? Okay, hold on, that sounds like it's mail time. Welcome, you've got mail, by the way, Steve from Blues Clues, which is that that

was him? Right? You've got male No, no, no, that sounds like it's male time and the whole original Steve. That the original Steve, the only Steve. But when he's signed off on Blues Clues, I cried, No, what did he say at the end of every shows out? Motherfucker's didn't he always tell people you look great? I don't know he did. Okay, familiar, Yeah, just saying is that you look don't they say you look you know? You look great? You look great? But other people have said that.

I don't think it's a Blues Clues thing. I don't know it's it's you know we play an A. O. L. Male stager. This is this is contemporary yeah for seven yeah? No, um yeah, anyway, all right, so we got some email Brooklyn Boys the Brooken Boys Podcast at gmail dot com. Um, all right, here we go. What do you what do you got? You got something? Yeah? Don't you got something? All right? I got something? Uh we got something? Here the the toot and scoot. I don't know what this is.

Listen to NBC News podcast number two seventy three, skip to the ten minute mark on Apple and then what the hell did I hear? I don't I don't know what that is, and then is leaving us with a with some kind of a Also, I gotta ask, what the hell is scary? Constantly sucking on? I pulled my earbuds out every ten minutes? What do I s What am I sucking on? When you start a sentence, you go, yeah, there you go that. I often say to you, what

are you eating? Yeah? You do that sometimes that's a that is my That is my tongue touching, Yeah, the top of my when it at the mouth, inside of my mouth, my mouth, it's tongue, my tongue. And no, no, it's not touching my teeth. It's the tongue touching the roof of my mouth. No, it's touching the back of your teeth and you it's your teeth. Anyway, I'm not gonna go. I'm sorry, buddy, I'm not gonna go to NBC podcast number two seventy three either. I love you, buddy,

but not so much. D m me and said, you gotta listen to this podcast episode. Blah blah blah. At the Sutton Sutton Mark, they said something funny. I I go, I can't. I can't do that. I don't have the kind of time. I mean, I love that you share human with us, but I just I can't do it. Also, okay, so shout out to Arne stray Ley wrote to us saying, I'm not good at grammar. I had to send this to you. Have you, guys ever heard on the on milf sausage? What this is my local pizza place in

Falling Waters, West Virginia. Milk sausage, Oh my god, sausage, parmesan sub sliced milf, Italian sausage, marinara sauce, and muzzarella cheese. What is a milf sausage? Well, that's a joke. Please no, anyway, anyway, they used a slice app on this is it supposed to be four milfsm how what what is that would be? Alf like sliced sliced milf. It's on the menu. I'm looking at a menu sliced milf. Yeah, West Virginia term. I don't know about sliced milf. But what keystroke could

have gotten wrong to make that? I mean, there's nothing even close on the keyboard that would make sense in that place. Milk maybe sliced milk, milk sausage. Is there a phone number of the place? No? I got the website though, and tell you what, let's call them next week on the podcast. Well, thank you, thank you so much gamer Clone for that. For that was a grammar police moment. Uh, Kim Hills said, I love you guys. Wanted to let you know I'm a relatively new listener

and I love it. Although I've been listening to Elvis for a while, I decided to give your podcast to listen and now I'm hooked. Keep up the great job. That's it. We need more people like Kim Hills in this world. Yes, what year will it be when she hears this though, because I don't know. Oh, this is terrible grammar. Police coming in from Desiree Dadio from Meridian or Merridan, Connecticut. M E R I d E n uh sent this to you. This was in front of me.

It was a g MC pick up advertising their roofing, siding gutter business. And it has their license number on it. But license is spelled l I C E n c E linse and that is permanently written. So the fun um. Okay, back to you, Bertie, back to me. All right, let me see what I have here? Uh, scrolling through my phone, which I know you are a big fan of Loody sent me this picture and I'm sorry I don't I didn't screenshot who it was, so uh, I apologize. There's

a sign. It's for Compound miter saw on sale new lower price three nineteen was three. I love it, Shelly W. I don't know if I if I read Shelly W last week, I apologize, but good for Shelly if I read it twice, Uh, it's you sent me a picture of a sign for Buffet Hours, so at dub At love to rescue you. What a cute name, Shelly W. The Buffet Hours every day. The hours are eleven thirty am to close. That's what the sign says in the window.

Lots of lots of helse very very helpful, very helpful. Um, let's see if that woman, Oh so I'm gonna tea have to back out here because I'm not in the water, Jeffrey at laws t x O U L. How would you interpret this picture? The waitress was explaining to me it was one adult meal entree for one kid's meal. But if you look at the bottom of the the asterisk is it says two free meals per entree per adult Who would who would be correct in the other restaurants. So let me read to you what the sign says.

It says kids eat free on Halloween free kids meal for children twelve and under with purchase of an adult entree. So that that's that's obvious, right, you get a free kids meal, right, But then it says asterisk right at the bottom asterick limit too free kids meals per adult entree. Limit two free kids meals per duld entree. So the way that's written is you can get to two free kids meals. Yeah. Sounds to me like if I'm one adult that I got two kids with me. They're both

eating for free. Right. What it should have said was limit two pfamily, two offers per family right, right says limit too free kids meals per adult entre so or it should say limit too and in parentheses free kids meal per adult Andre Burgess right by one adult get another kid. But that means you would have to buy full too full adults to get two full kids. Right, and that's the limit. Oh yeah, that's written poorly. You know what you would take advantage of that? I would

demand satisfaction. You would have some fucking lutely right right. I didn't tell you how I'm gonna what Facebook? That's a Facebook store. I get to that in a minute. Uh let's see. Did I tell you about my when I ordered my food from actively? How they screwed meat? I tell you that we are you? Are we done reading emails? No? No, no no, no, that's why I just I'm I'm crossing it over. It's hold on h oh, that's different thing. Um. This was sent to us by Megan Loreen l O r e N. She d M me.

She sent me a picture of a place near where she lives called Chad's Pizza and she's she wrote, pizza pizza. Would you go to Chad's Pizza? Uh? Probably not? Based on this podcast and the way we the way we have opinions, probably not we go to Chad's pizza. I mean, i'd like to think that if you're if you have the balls to open a pizzeria and your name is Chad, it's better be damn good. Chad is selling keish, Chad's out on his yard eating like or dervs. Chad's not

eating pizzazza. Hey, I'm Chad. How you doing? No, that's not who Chad is. Hello, I'm Chad. Would it served on some avocado toasts with cheese what we call a pizza? No? Way am I going to Chad's pizza. I'm sorry. And if you live near Chad's Pizza, go ahead and go ahead and send us an email that you think it's the best. Send us a piece of pizza. No, I don't want chade. I want to taste it. I want

to know that it sucks. Amanda sALS Amanda Lane eight two saw this and had to ask is basing the recommended tip in the app on the total after adding the delivery fee or is this a Scamboni seems to me it should be based on the sub total before taxes. So looking at the the order her order in the app that she ordered from this restaurant, it says uh suggested tips, and it shows the amounts. Right, the sub total of her order was, which is normally the amount

you tip on always the sub total after taxes. A second, no, no, no, no, you don't tip on taxes. I do. Well, you're an idiot. It's just easier. No, it's not just easier. Look, how is it easier? You look at the total, You look at the total. If something comes to the building, if the bill comes out to forty three, ball in right, I'm round that to me. There's the taxes in there. I'm rounding up to fifty map I'll give him ten bucks. Boom, Okay, great,

that's great. What if your totalist and then the tax makes it your logic is stupid. I move up to eleven dollars. Well, you can do that without the tax. Regardless of the tax. You can still up. You can round up. But yeah, but they're getting less of they're getting less of a tip if you don't tip the government taxes. They didn't do anything for the tax. You're typical on the food they brought. Yeah, but at this point, no, everybody assumes that you're gonna tip on the final number. There.

If you're the first person I've ever heard of tips on the tax on pet bullshit, you're waste of money, ship bullshit. Everybody tips on the final whatever they see that number. When you see that number, whatever, that number isn't black if if hold on a second, if it's if it's in black with the fucking underline, and it's bold,

it's black and bold right there, boom that number. You always double it and you get your you get your double it, you know, double take tempas I'm saying, no, no, no, no no, you move, you move the decimal points over. And that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I

don't don't tip on tax that's ridiculous. Once again, if a bill is a hundred dollars, for argument's sake, if and that's the final number after taxes, I'm giving twenty bucks, well, then you're a douche and you're a piece of ship and a cheap skate for giving seventeen I'm tipping on No, I'm giving eighteen I'm tipping on ninety two. Well that's that's that they didn't do the eight. You see a hundred bucks, you get twenty boo. Now you're a wasted

that's yeah, you're you're awful. You're an awful human being for doing that. I guarantee people are gonna look at your fucking side. I'll be like, look at this motherfucker. How did he The bill is a hundred dollars and the motherfucker gives me eighteen d teen dollars. Oh so if I go to a state that has high tax I have to tip more. If I go to a state it's just I tip less. It's a small number here,

This isn't it? Back to Amanda's dilemma. So she's got the sub total the tax and a four dollar delivery fee, and they're basing the the tip percentages on the total of the tax and the delivery fee. So now you have to tip on top of the delivery fee. Is that what you're telling me? Scary? It all together? And the delivery fee goes to the store I know, or goes to grubhop or whoever the app splitting Splitting Hair you're telling me you're tipping on the app fee. I

have to see the way it's configured. It's I'm telling you what it's configured right here. Sub total tax seven, which delivery fee total? Which company was seamless? I don't know which one it was, doesn't matter. H this person, Oh, I don't have to know what they were tired during the pandemic that give him extra money. You don't know what they did. They could have just gotten hired, cut it out and no one was going out to eat

during the pandemic. So they work because they worked their balls off, risking their lives to deliver you food to your fucking plush couch. They deserve it. They deserve the extra money. They didn't work any harder. They drove a car like they do now. The people like you, the service, the service industry people deserve it all the time. These workers deserve every penny they can do all the time. But Jimmy and his mom's Corolla didn't work over tip

over to more money. Jimmy, everyone should over tip. Why am I over tip? And Jimmy? This is the problem with America. America. It's a problem, It's an issue problem. He has the problem with America. People are serving you, and people spend on their feet all day. For twelve hours, you're in a restaurant. They're going back and forth dri a call. Guess what I'm giving them twenty dollars and eight or instead of eighteen dollars undred dollars. Good. Now you have no money for new people like you man

that they hate. That the reason why they want to quit their job. People love me. I'm a good tip. It's the Boys podcast. I'll never go to dinner with you again. This is your an embarrassment, and it did, it would mean forever you're an embarrassment. You want me steak over tip every chance you get. These people that deliver you food to your house. These people that are riding their bicycles, they're they're broken down cars adding mileage too.

But he's bringing these food. People buying an awful weather. They were here for us through the pandemic. People in restaurants that are gone their feet. All that I know that the kids food over tip. How do I know that the guy bringing me my food in November was the guy bringing me my food during the pandemic. What if this guy just started What if he was living off the government for a year and a half and

now he's like, I'll go work now. I'm just saying him, So, so I tipped twenty instead of big deal, Well that's you. I have a family, you don't. I just spent in the worst kind of person who had a thousand dollars steak less worst kind of person. Yeah, guess what I tip and plus on that because you didn't pay for the steak. That's another story. That's that big other story. By the way, I'll tell you something I feel guilty about. You wanna talk about feeling guilty? Yeah, what show up

at the station today? And of course candy appears, because it always does, and it looks like somebody took their overstocked Halloween left over candy and dumped it all over the counter. But they were good. They were good things in there. They were kit cats and hershes and Reese's peanut butter cups. I'm like, oh my god, this is awesome. So all morning I'm like nosh ing on it, munching on it. A little piece of candy here, a little

Mr Goodbar there, will crack all over there. We talked about that last week and then Scotty's like, you're enjoying the candy. I said, yeah, he goes, good, good, I'm glad that that was Cooper's. And I'm like, what are you doing? What? What the fuck? Because yeah, Cooper's Halloween candy. We caught her. What did you when you caught her? We told her she's not allowed to have candy in her room. She went Halloween trick or treaty and she took some of the candy in a stash and hit

it in her closet and we found it. So we punished her by removing all the candy. We took it away and I brought it in a giant bag and I brought it to the radio station and I threw it all over the counter for everyone here to eat. So I'm happy that you're eating Cooper's candy. Now I feel like you should had I said, Scotty, that's an awful position to put me in. I'm eating your fucking daughter's hard earned Halloween candy. He goes, Yep, serves her right,

she deserves it. She's this is her punishment. I think it's awful. That's awful. You don't think it's terrible? Ye? I wouldn't do that? Would you do that? To your kid. No, okay. So so that it was a rule in their house don't hide the candy. You can have the candy, but don't hide it. So she hid some candy and then they found that. You know, I guess Scotty found it. He grabbed it all through it in a bag and brought it to the radio station and fed it to me.

That's terrible. I didn't earn this candy, not I I felt it. I felt terrible to doing but I ate it anyway. He was good, Yeah, you didn't feel so bad that you took get and gave it back to her. Well, I didn't give it back to her. I just I mean, isn't it awful? Will you do that to your kid? I don't know. I just I felt I felt very guilty whatever. Speaking of candy last week, I mentioned that I was gonna return the Halloween candy. Didn't use right that this sack of candy, sack oh candy, the sack

of candy bars. So I go back to Target, as as I do, and I go to the customer service desk with my bag of candy, and she says, yeah, okay, sure, do you have your receipt? I said, no, but I have the credit card that I used to purchase it. Okay, not not a problem. Mm hmm, not a problem. And I put the card in and she says, uh, oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, this is halloween candy. I don't I don't think I can take it back and she asks a supervisor, and supervisor says, oh, yeah,

you can't bring back halloween candy. Did you buy this for Halloween? Oh? So? I so. I looked at the bag. I said, it doesn't say Halloween candy. It says party pack on it. I bought it for a party. You don't know what. How would I bought it for? She says, you're telling me I can't return it if I bought a folloween. I said yeah. So she says, well, would you buy it for? I said, I bought it for my daughter's dorm room. She's going back to college. But she decided she's a diet she didn't want it. So

she looks stunned. Stunned she's met her masters what the problem is and she says, ohh okay, we'll take it back. You you you can't tell me why I bought She look I said, look, if this is halloween candy, right, it would have Halloween themes. It would be orang it's if it's bat shaped or pumpkin shaped or whatever like Halloween. Well even pumpkin could be fall. But if it says like Halloween. Addition, I get it. I get it because

it's Halloween gay pack you sell all year round. You can't prove when I bought it a y, so I said, I bought it for my daughter. You did, Yeah, huh, okay, Okay, I win, Brody wins. That's actually very funny. I'm surprised she questions you, to begin with, I'm surprised she actually questioned it, seeing that it was regularly branded year long candy, like the like the brand that you see or the you know, the packaging that you see all year long.

It's probably what she's been been used to for the past two weeks, right, people bringing back in the best week one, people bringing back the goods. Brody, be honest, but why did you buy that candy but for Halloween? But that doesn't preclude me from bringing it back. It doesn't say you can't bring back candy, and it doesn't even say you can't bring back Halloween candy. The Arbitrarlie just saying, oh, yeah, you can't bring back candy bought

you bought for Halloween? Okay, what if you bought what if you what if you mysteriously bought it on October? It's coincidence my home from school, which she was, she came home. I'm just came home for the weekend. Devil's advocate. That's bullshit. I can't prove this. I can't prove this. I have a bit of a dilemma for tomorrow night. Tomorrow is Saturday night, Saturday. What are you doing? So?

I have a choice. One of my all time, all time favorite singers, rock singers, heavy metal singers from one of my favorite bands from back in the day. He's solo now and I was gonna go see him last year and his show got canceled. Well, he's playing. He's playing New Jersey tomorrow night. He's playing. He's playing a decent sized club venue, New Jersey tomorrow night. I'm all set to go. I bought my tickets yet I have not brought my ticket, but I'm but I'm psychic, and

I know the guy. I've become friendly with him. Oh you know you live no dick? He uh. He he also produces up and coming talent and he needed he wanted advice on a pop star, and he reached out to me as because I had reached out to him that I was a fan. He saw where I worked and said, oh, I have this really really good up and coming female vocalist that wants to transition from rock to pop. Can I pick your brain? And I said, oh, are you kidding? Absolutely? And so he came up to

see one hundred. I got to meet him, take pictures. I met her. She's very talented and uh, she ended up going back to rock music because she's really hot and she's really like she's a rocker, like she's like Katie Brabs. No, she's um uh no, she's good. She's good. Her name is Rachel Lauren l O R E N. I believe anyway. Yeah, she's really pretty, really talented rock singer. Anyway, So I've become friendly with him, have his phone number now. But he's somebody that used to go seeing concert when

I was younger, Like I were a big fan. That's pretty cool. Who is this? I'm all set to go, Well, it doesn't matter, but I'm most set to go see him tomorrow, and I get it. I get I see on um Instagram one of my favorite comedians I can say his name yet is playing Carolines all weekend. I can't go tonight. I don't think I can go tonight, which means i'd have to go to Marrow morn. Yeah. Now unless I go to the concert and run to the late comedian show. Comedy show at Carolines, the greatest

place to see a comedy club performance. Huh. So I don't know what to do. It's Michael Rappaport. Oh, he was on this podcast. I remember. It was my idea to have him on as a gain. You fucking liar. By the way, I would like you to play the Michael Rappaport I d did for us, but you don't have it. He can you please bring that home? Yeah? That's great. You have a choice between. I have to

see if I can go to the concert. If the concert, let's say the concerts at eight opening act, he goes on at nine, Maybe he's done by ten thirty, I won't be able to get to the eleven show in time. I won't be able to get to it. So I don't know. I don't know if I don't have to do both or now, how far away are the two venues well ones in northern New Jersey. I guess it would probably take me forty five minutes to get into

the city and then park at a garage. I don't think I can make it because Michael Michael is gonna go on probably ten o'clock. What time is the seven seven thirty with an opening act? Maybe? So I'm not gonna make it, but Michael's doing two shows. Can you go Sunday to see Michael? No, I'm I gotta watch football, No kidding aside, he's not playing Sunday. Big comics don't play Sunday's like Carolines Friday Thursday, Friday Saturday. Yeah, wow,

that's tough. I'll tell you what. I'll go see rapping Port in your place, and then I'll tell you about the show. Yeah, and I'll make sure to get in touch with him and let him know that the anti fan is coming. He didn't want him on our show. And he's fantastic. He's a boy he uh he during the pandemic many social media. I gotta tell if you like what he says, he's fantastic. If you hate, if you don't like when he says you're gonna want to

punch your phone. And by the way, if you haven't heard the Michael Rapp Report episode, why don't you scroll back listen to forties. I think listen to them. It says Michael Rapp Report right there on the title. Yeah, it was really good. He was really funny. Listen to that episode. Kept we kept it neutral? We did we get the neutral? Something else? Um, I I can tell you about a shopping problem my head. Dude, when do you not have a shopping problem? Um, it wasn't so

much a problem. It was one of those where I the sign wasn't helpful and I told him it would be a good idea to help fix the sign, and they didn't. So you've been a shop right, I have anyone anyone listening? You've been to deli counters where you take a number and you tell the guy or the

woman what you want and they slice it for you. Well, the shop right, one of the shop rights that have the many shop rights near me now has digital screen ordering only, like when you go to wah Wah or you go to like seven eleven, you order the food on the screen. So it's a stupid system. So you go and you say I want meat. Right, Then it says do you want uh turkey or beef products or or catering. So let's say you hit turkey. Now it says you want plain turkey or season turkey. So you

choose season turkey. So I want to order a quarter pounds of let's say Chipotle turkey. Then after you order it hit add to cart. Does it go back to chicken? Oh no, no, it goes back to the main menu, which is moronic. So now you have to go, I want Deli meat, I want chicken, I want season chicken. And then pick another chicken. Right now, I want KARAOKEI chick. Poor app build out, poor app build out. So you place your order and there's a sign on the glass

of the counter. World the meat is, it says, because you enter your phone number, it says pick up your food when ready at the olive bar. What scary, right, So it says behind the olive bar. Where's the olive bar? Thank you doesn't tell you where that is? So I say to the guy, I'm sorry, where's the olive bar? He says, you go over there, You make a left and you go around it's over there, I said, Do people ask you that all the time? Yes. Everybody who

orders asked me where the olive bar is? So I said, wouldn't be easier to put it in the instructions. Why don't you just put it there on the located behind you, uh, behind the by the bread, because that would be too too easy. He goes, yeah, it's a good idea, and his co worker goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I go back two weeks later. Nothing, I'm nothing. No, of course, not that is cursing the darkness rather than lighting a candle. Yes, the epitome of that, to be quite honest. And you

know it's funny. It's a it's a it's an eight by eleven like a printed sign, and the lettering is only the top half of the sign. You can right, there's enough room for turn around and buy the bread. Is the olive bar? Everybody? Every I walked, I stood, I waited, I watched, I watched as I was waiting for my food. Everybody, excuse me, where's the olive bar? Excuse me? Was the olive bar? Excuse me? No one of them is motivated enough to write. Take a pen or a magic marker and write this is what the

olive bar is. Turn around. This is stupidest thing. Also, they could do, you know what the store manager should do. Turn the olive bar around. The turn the big thing around, because on one side is an olive bar and the other side is a shelf with the food. Turn it around. I don't care if it's wired to the floor and his air conditioning unit in the bottom. Turn it around. Turn it around, Turn it around, Jerry scar I, Um, I I feel like I don't want to. I don't

want to jinx myself. I don't want to jinks. I don't want to jink myself. Okay, but if you notice, I'm the only person that hasn't gotten sick in the studio. Everybody every day we have our big show that was ram big show. And I have a theory here. I could be wrong, but basically everybody has has gone down. Everybody's sick someone they're sneezing their cough, and everybody's got a little something there. I'm clearing their throat and I know it's that kind that's part of the season and stuff,

but I for some reason, I'm like a cockroach. There's no way that I'm getting you know, I have not gotten sick. Now. I attribute this to the fact that I never stopped the party. See, I wasn't exposed. I was exposed to germs since the since I never stopped throughout the pandemic, I've been everywhere. I've been going places.

I feel like this has now helped my immune system because because I've built up this the tolerance, because I was able to get all these viruses and things in anatomy and whatever, and I was just kind of take it as a comes and I feel like now I'm a stronger person for it. Now that could be a complete fallacy. I'm not a I'm not a doctor, are you? Are you an NFL quarterback? Quarter at medical researches out the window, bro. But I'm just saying again, I don't

want to get hung knocking on wood. You've built up an immunity by putting yourself in dangerous situations. I just feel like your your body is immunity. I've come through. I've come through luckily thus far. Now keep in mind, it'll all It'll all change because I've jinxed myself. But I'm just saying, for the sake of this podcast. Up until this recording, things are I've been okay. I've been okay, and I'm I think your regular life is such ship

you don't even realize when you're sick. I think you're such bad healthy might really even realize when you're ship. Maybe that's what it is. I think you're always out of breath, and you're always winded, and you're always tired, and you're always exhausted from from a day at standing around. Don't forget you're the guy who you pulled a muscle in your back from you wanting. I know. I think you're such a bad physical specimen at times that you

don't even realize you're sick. But by the same token, I went to Florida and just just this past weekend and I partied my face off Thursday, Friday, Saturday night. I was around people, we were hanging out, We're parting, we were screaming across the room, we were drinking. Were you drinking? Are you what? Are you standing still? And you were you were out of breath. No, I was doing all that differently, Who's doing all that? And then

I came back and they get sick? You know, I don't know, Gandhi gets a little sick everyone's get a little into the wed. I don't know. I don't know what it is you're spreading it. I don't know. I'm just it's just an observation, Just an observation, Bertie. Is that all it is? That's it? All right, that's it. I'm sure there are people out there like me. That's why I'm mentioning it, because I know that there are people that never were, people that never get sick. Yeah,

But I don't think that's because you haven't. Like I don't think disease entered your body and you fought it off. I think you've been fortunate enough. Maybe because you breathe out so much, you keep breathing away. I think because you've been maybe that's what you do. Maybe and and the disease goes. Maybe I've been. Maybe I've been like breathing polluted air my entire life. You're a super spreader. Maybe you're the guy who carries the disease to other people.

Maybe that's your role in life. Yeah, that's why everyone's sick. Mr mucus am I the Green Snubb commercial that was a sponsor of yours at one point. Here they're coming back in January. Oh, I'll remind you to play the jingle. Then, yes, but not right now because guess what, they're a sponsor right now? Oh, I didn't tell you the text message about your jeans about so you were bitching about your gensamy, somebody texted in and said, why would Scary go to

the dry cleaners? Wouldn't it be cheaper if he just brought another pair of jeans? So here's what I want to know. Here's what I want to know from this person. Does this person pay a hundred dollars to go to the dry cleaners? Or does this Does this person think that his does this person's genes cost five dollars? Because that's the only way his tweet, his text message makes sense, because I don't know in what world a pair of jeans is the same price as going to a draw.

I think he meant it as a joke. I don't think he meant it literally. No, it was he said some of the things like he's so stupid. I didn't want to put that in there, but he was like, he's so stupid. Why what you need? Just buy a new pair of jeans? Oh okay, So so again, do you pay a hundred dollars at the drying cleaners. I'm not saying you pay a hundred dollars for your geans scary, But some of your jeans are hundred dollars some of your nineties. The theory ones, right, the theory, yes, that

was for you. The theory ones. Yes, that's my theory. Right. Oh, I got a little on my jeans. I got a little. So I don't think this person is a slice, but I want to give a shout out to this person. Do you know the song? Um, I'm gonna you know, I'm gonna pull the song up as I'm telling you this story every day? Is he the police officer you're talking about. No, I'm gonna tell you the police story because after that, every calling me, oh my god, the

Jersey kids calling me, don't answer that. Don't answer that Jersey kid calling me right now? Not happening. Well, he doesn't know we're podcasting because we never podcast on a Friday after Friday, right, Um, So have you ever heard this song? This person? Hold on? Listen on the phone, hold on? Okay, every day every day last week and this week. This person is copying and pasting a song request for the first song of the day. Oh, I know exactly what you're talking. Yeah, what's up? By the

four non blocks? Right, it's actually it's this song right hold on like you had it, and it's called on. I don't know why it's not called What's going On? It's called What's Up? What's Up? By the way, speaking of songs that are that people don't know the name of again, I say this every year on Veterans Day on the fourth of July. The name of the song by by Lee Greenwood is God bless Us. It's not proud. Songs aren't all named after the part of the course

you remember, it's God bless Usa. So just to throw a little reminder, Happy Veterans Day, bladed to all those of you Seper five sep five, Well that's just the Marines right now. Happy to so this person every day, first song of to day request four and on blodes what's Up and didn't capitalize what's up, which really bothered me. So what I saw. So I wrote back today and I said, I wrote back, and I said, I want to give you the exactly what I wrote back to them,

And I'm sure they're a good person. I said, might be time to pick a different song, just saying and they wrote back understood. So I'm very curious to see what song they request next week every day. And why would they request a song when they could just pull it up on their phone. Well that's another thing. You want to hear a song, play it for yourself. Okay, so this is you know what I'm gonna I'm gonna pull out. I want to get the text message right

because stream and look for the key word. Oh, here it is. So you know, fan pages and Twitter accounts devoted to fans. They get their minions to request songs on Twitter and on text messaging. Right, please play this song. Please? Doesn't want to hear they're not even listening to the radio station. They're just giving people from here's a text textee one hundred, New York. They're a big radio station.

Here's a text message. This is what they do. They give them the text number and then they say copy and copy and paste his message, right. And they don't like the fans. And my favorite part is, do these companies think we're fucking stupid that we don't, that we don't they're the ones that picked the songs, that they're fan armies, that they're not at four o'clock in the morning,

like they're really listening to the radio station from Minnesota. Right. Also, when you text Elvistar in the morning show and you text at ten o'clock at night, we're not gonna see it. People are like, oh, hey, Elvis, I love what you talk. We're gone to ten a m. East Coast time. We're gone, right. The only way anybody sees it is if I have the screen open on my computer at home and like while I'm working from home and I accidentally look at

it and I see Elvis's name or something. But other than that, like the jocks at night, tell them like, don't why are you what are you doing? This is on our personal phone. This is a screen that the entire radio station sees all day. And if it's something really important. Sometimes it's a really nice text message, please do it while we're on the air so we see it. We don't want to miss a text message. All right, So this this fan army person texts in, please play

blah blah blah bla blah blah blah. I'm not gonna credit the song. It's not by anybody I've ever heard before. It's not somebody that a hit music station would ever play, right, because we play hits. We don't play songs that nobody heard of. We play songs that are established hits. And that's a whole other story how that happens. And but the follow up to the text message just says, leased

play blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. You can stream it on any platform, right, So I wrote back, great, god, our guest. But the point was, it's so popular, it's on every platform. Well you know what, you know what on every platform this podcast, but Elvis isn't gonna play it on the true story, True story. So I was like, so that was my snarky text message of the day. I wrote back, Yeah, you can stream on every platform. Enjoy, goodbye, good bye, peace out. Oh my god, I'm dying to

het foone on Blondes. Then play it, play it. You have it on your phone. I know you do. I heart radio is free. You don't have to pay for that. All right. So I'm picking up my daughter at school on Wednesday, maybe Tuesday, Monday Tuesday, went doesn't really matter. It was after the podcast, uh uh this week? So it was Monday Tuesday. So the entrance to the giant hill that goes down to the school that she goes to is part of a plus sign. A plus sign

meaning the road goes north and south. And then you know, like like a plus sign, it's a four way right, but it's not a folly intersection. There's the main road that goes north and south. There's the road that goes let's say it goes east, okay, and then across the road is a street that goes up a hill to the west. Got it. So there's four entrances, right, but it's a main road. And then one part of the plus sign goes down to my daugh to school, and one part of the plus sign goes up the hill

to where people live. Okay. Uh. There's a line of cars that comes northbound and lines up in the right lane to pull into the the line to the school pick up. There's a turning lane going south that turns in to the hill to go to my daughter school. And it's right where the street that goes up the hill to where people live is you. Got it's a it's a it's an intersection. I'm envisioning it, Okay, But remember that there's no stop signed there's no red light.

There's a main road, and when you have a clearing, you make the left into the parking lot, or you make the right into the parking lot into the onto the hill that goes down, and usually when you get there to pick her up, the line on the hill is all the way back up to the top of the hill, so you have to wait till it moves a little bit so you can turn onto the hill. You follow me so far, okay, I am the first car southbound in the turning lane, getting ready to make

the left onto the top of the hill. When there's enough room I can squeeze in. Okay, so I do that. I have a choice. I can stay there, or I can make the left and just fit my ass in my car into the line where it's not sticking out into the oncoming traffic that's going northbound. So I decide,

you know what I'm gonna do it. I make the turn and i'm my park now because it's about ten minutes to the hour, which means the line on the hill is not really gonna move now until the top of the hour when the doors open and the kids start coming out. So I put my car in park and I turned the engine off, and I call. I call a doctor's office to make an appointment. So I'm leaving a voicemail. Hey, this is David. You know Brody. I'm calling for dr blah blah blah. I'd like to

him boom, what happened behind me? Not my car? Oh? Now again on the top of the hill. So my trunk is right by the edge of the road. Okay, the lane next to the turning lane. So the lane that's going straight southbound. A car at full speed, which is about forty mile smashes into a car that was coming down the hill coming out of the other street right behind me. Oh, so I hear and and he didn't have time to stop because all the heir was dam It wasn't even like so he hit him going

full speed. So I don't see the accident because I wasn't. If I had been the car in the first spot in the turning lane, witness, you would have seen the whole thing. But all I heard was the big smath. So I jumped out of my car. There's a silver uh BMW with a guy who looked like as nWo somewhere around there. Young guy and an older overweight guy in a nine nineties Camaro green Camaro that must have been coming out of that side street. The front of his car is gone. The front of the BMW is

laying in the road. The cars. I saw the cars spinning because I stawted as soon as the crash I heard they spun and stopped on the grass on the side of the road. They were able to roll like like roll the cars on the side of the grass. So now the right lane of the road has part of a car and the whole front of one car. So the right lane is completely the southbound lane is completely jamboot traffic with with debris and there's a lot

so like everybody stopped. There's the turning the Cause south and north trying to get into the school, and the southbound and northbound traffic now at a dead stop because no one can go. I jumped out of my car immediately, called immediately immediately. The cause is still smoking. At this point, the woman in the first car, who was behind me in the turning lane jumps out. She's uh, some kind of medical professional. She runs over to give aid. I said, I got I'm calling nine one one now, so I

call him. I say, I get a police officer. I tell him exactly where it is, and I said, please send an ambulance. One of the guys is injured, because I can see the fat guy is having a hard time getting out of the car. The teenage guy, I'm like the young guy. He's out seeing if the other guys okay. The airbag went off and the guy looked shaken, so that the officer says to me, what's wrong with him? I don't know. I just told you to need your car accident, send it in, But I don't know what's

wrong with him. Well, can you tell if he's I go, No, I can't. I'm across the street. Can you send an ambulance? Like it's a stupid question. I'm always wanted to tell me he stupid. I don't. I don't know. I get I said, please send anance. Okay, So I tell him it's a big accident. Right. So now I see the cars aren't moving, so I get out of the car and I'm now a traffic cop guy. So I'm the guy going, okay, everybody northbound, let's go. And I get

like twenty cause and I stopped them. I've got the power. I stopped them. I waved the southbound cause let's go, let's go. So I'm in. I'm wearing my red shirt, uh that I wore Monday. It was Monday. I wore a red shirt and it's a brody on it Monday, and uh, that's the day we didn't do thet podcast and nobody saw somebody recognized, you know, because we didn't do the podcast. Noah, No, no one was looking at

my shirt. So for ten minutes, scary. And a woman got out of the car in the northbound lane, the pickup lane, got out of the car to help me. So she's up the road and as I go like two hands up, stop, she's stopping the cars five cars back. So that because you know, when you this actual system going on. So I'm in the road without a whistle and I'm I'm Joe officer now and I had the power. I gotta say kudos to the people because they were all stopping for me because they see what's going on.

And then they thought you were hired. They're like, you know what, this isn't queens right. So so now, so my town, the ambulances don't put sirens on. It's one of those things. I don't know why, So I'm waiting ten minutes. At this point, I'm where the where the police officers? Where, where's the ambulance? I said, it's an emergency. We're in the middle of a major area of my my town. There's major roads on both sides. There should be no problem. There's a hospital like eight minutes away,

there's ambulances everywhere. Nobody's there, so I'm the guy's like, I'm like, is he okay? She's like, yeah, he's shaken. I'm telling him not to move. He may have some back injuries. I don't know. So finally, one there's no ambulance and this this traffic. Because I'm directing the traffic. The police officer shows up and he's alone one guy in the car. He gets out, looks at me, and then walks over to the guy at the car. He's

checking on the guy. Meanwhile, I'm still directing traffic, so I say to him, excuse me, officer, Should I keep doing this right? Because I don't know if I like he thinks I'm just some asshole power tripping, which I wasn't. Meanwhile, everyone on the hill is gone and my car is sitting on the top of the hill, parked with the engine off as everybody's going past my car because I'm in the middle of the road kicking off their kids. So the cop the officer looks at me goes, hey,

I'm seeing how the guys do it over here. I'm like, okay, but that doesn't answer my question. I don't should I keep like it's I'm not authorized to do this. What if I make two cars crash into each other right like, I'm not responsible? What if I waved the guy on the left and the guy in the right who has the right away because his lane is open. What if he goes and I waved the guy on the left anyway and he crashes into the guy on the right? Am I responsible for that? I expect him to give

me space really quickly. I would have got back in my car as soon as I possibly could have and just went along your stop again. I felt bad, so then out. About three minutes later, the ambulance shows up, right but but lights are going but no no siren, so no one's getting out of the way. So I've got to get the southbound traffic to move so the ambulance can get through. Because the ambulance isn't sired firing the alarms. I don't care what the ordinance is. Who

you're trying to be quiet about. You have an injured person in a car accident, and you're not putting the sirens on the funk out of here. So I let's I get the ambulance to come through. I waved the ambulance around. I waived the ambulance around. The ambulance goes over to the Camaro, and then the police officer. Once the guy is being taken care of by the E M T. S. He looks at me, goes, I, that's it. I not even He goes all right like that I

and then starts directing traffic. So I slowly back away like I've been replaced. But it doesn't say to me, thank you, good citizen. You should be commended, thank you for doing another and beyond hey, I really appreciate you. Covered. How about the fact you send one police officer for a major car Listen, you know what they do now in New Jersey. You have to have two cars pull you over, right, because in case of to protect the

first officer, you send two police cars. They send one police officer to a crime, to a car act car accident. Well you don't know that I am. My point is, even if one of the police officers is supposed to check on the injured person, then shouldn't one one officer be sent to do what I'm doing put down road flares? Sucks? That's that's my town. I listen. Actually, my taxes are really high. You'd think we pay for come to that conclusion. I'm not gonna trying not to get into an accident

of your town, Saran. I gotta say, as much as the police officer let me down, and you know me, I love police officers. My father was a police officer, and I felt, really I felt like my dad for a minute. I have to say, like I felt like my like I had my dad's power when he was a police officer, like I was running ship. Not that my my father was was a humble man. He was not a tough guy cop. He was like I don't want to I hope that happens. He wasn't that kind

of guy. But I felt like, you know, it felt good, scary. I have to say, it was like I'm director cars. The cars are listening to me. David Broke on the radio, a new sheriff in town and his name is David Brody. And it wasn't because, oh that guy is a podcast, we should listen to him. It was just because they were doing the right thing as citizens. So thank you citizens. God bless America, God bless And you know where they would not have stopped for you, David, They would not

have stopped. In fact, they would have run over for botus points in Boys Brock, Brooklyn, Brooklina, Boys Rock, Brooklyn,