#126: The One With The Anal Bleaching

except we had some really good banter. And then you're like, oh, we gotta start over. I remember what I said. You cost our listeners podcast gold. Please let's not talk about what costs the listeners what and who's lying through their teeth that last week, how you kept me, how you kept me at bay for like ten hours because you had personal things to do around the house, and then you went online and lie to everybody. All the slices say that is my fault. No I didn't. It was

partially your fault. Yes it was, and I'll explain. So last week I told you I wanted a podcast on Friday, and you said no, let's do Saturday, I said, I have direct TV coming between twelve and four. I said, but I'll if we start the podcast before they get there, then, because you know they're gonna twelve to four means they're gonna show up at two. I said, let's start recording and then when they show up, we'll take a pause. Well,

the guys showed up. By the time you and I were both ready, the guy was there, no, no, By the time he was gone and you were ready to the podcast, it was seven o'clock. Yeah, but we did. Okay, it was late, okay. And then by the time I was done, I had already had a full day, and I'm like, I fell asleep before it could upload. Okay, So the podcast was done, you know, and then whatever, it doesn't listen. Let's not pick her. Let's not get off on the wrong foot. I'm in a good mood.

I wasn't a good mood. Okay, all right, that's fine. I just I was in a good mood too. But you screwed me again. How did I screw you? Okay? So I was ready like twenty minutes ago, I said, scared you were talking about this episode? Now, yeah, this episode we can talk about last week. So you didn't post the podcast. We did the podcast, we did it late. I just I just mentioned what fell asleep. Hey, we're moving on to this week. Alright, So this week's episode.

This week, you screwed me because I was ready to go like twenty minutes ago, and you said, oh, what's the what's twenty minutes between friends? Okay, well I'll tell you what it is. Just like twenty minutes could be a lifetime. So I said, okay, fine, you said I gotta do something right now. Uh it's can we talk about were gonna talk about later? What you were doing about it? Right now? Ahead? Okay, you said, I gotta

do something really nice with my girlfriend. I gotta order something, give me twenty I hadn't order flowers for my girlfriend because because I was looking. Okay, okay, if if you must know that, And by the way, it's five o'clock in the evening, Okay, after work today, after the show, I had to go and go to a rest restaurant and gotta go to a shopping No no, no, no no no. I had to go and get groceries and load up my refrigerator and freezer. I do the one shot deal. You had to go a long time. Did

you say refrigerator, fridge? Okay, my refrigerator, my fridge, whatever, my fridge and freezer. No, no, you didn't say refrigerator or a fridge. You said refrigerator. I mean, if I did, it was an accident. I know better. Come on anyway, So that took a lot of time. I get home sitting around you hit me up, boom, let's do a podcast, and I'm like, oh, ship, I still have to order these flowers. So it took me twenty minutes. What the hell could have transpired in twenty minutes that I ordered

flowers for my girlfriend for her birthday? What part did I Let's back up a second. You get off work at eleven o'clock East Coast time, right, and you get home. It's about twenty minutes to get to your house on the office. I'll give you ten minutes to well, no, five minutes to walk to the coon. So new nude is when I went out to to the grocery store and it took you five hours? Did I miss something in that story? You missed the fact that my sister is like, hey, I need pampers for Nico a size

five pampers swaddlers size five? Can you get them from me? And and my mother was like, Hey, you know, could you get something for me too? We need paper towels, we need toilet paper, we need all that stuff. You're not seeing your mother in three months? While you shopping far because I'm gonna see her tomorrow, will drive by. Apparently stores in Brooklyn have been ransacked beyond recognition. But that was like that was the case before the pandemic.

That's just Brooklyn, that's Brooklyn. So I ended up I ended up going to do my shopping in my travels, and I realized where I went to go shopping they had none of the above. So I went to the mainstays in Jersey City, Target, Staples. Believe it or not, you can get paper towels at Staples. There's a little hint for you, and some cleaners and supplies and things that a hint. Well, I mean a lot of people don't think of Staples to go for toilet paper. How

are you? I got you? It's a tip. I got you. Sorry, that's a little pro tip if you're cleaning supplies, the wet wipes and the lysoul chlorox wipes whatever. Those stores like Office Depot and Staples have those things in bulk, and and most of the time they're sold out at the grocery stores. Now I get another incredible tip from the Brooklyn Boys podcast, and it's and that's a good tip. So so the point of this is this, after I did my grocery shopping, I ran home to put everything

in the refrigerator. Refrigerator and freezer if you must, and then I ran back out because I can't disappoint my family and this is the only opportunity I'm gonna have to go get them their ship. So we can we just make sure the audience knows you weren't actually doing any running. Yeah, okay, perfect. So I ended up I ended up going to I went to I went to uh Staples, I went to Target, went the Staples. You went the Staples, and you've got some staples that you needed. Okay,

I got you some some items, some staple items. I went to I got I got the cleaning. I check it off the list. I bought them paper napkins in bulk. I bought them paper plates in bulk. That's what they wanted. I'm pulling off stuff off the list left and right, paper towels, I got Charman, I got it all. I got everything except the damn Pampers. I don't know what the fuck is going on, but my sister texts me back,

Oh no, I mean Pampers swaddlers in a size five. Now, I'm like, why can't you have the Pampers air dry size five? I mean Target has them in bulk. She goes the air dry is not as good. She's I need the swaddlers. So I'm sitting there, Brody, and I'm like, why what's this? They have cases of sizes one to three, four, six, and seven, I said, but there's no five. So I leave. I leave Target, and I'm like, I gotta get it. You know, you buy it that. You buy her the

six and you tell her to duct tape it. I can't do that, you know, want ship balls fallen out of the side of the kids diaper. Hey listen, it's the pandemic. We all gotta make sacrifices. So I then I go. Then I go to Morton Williams and shop right looking for this dude, same thing. They have every size one to six, no fives. I like, what is

happening here? Obviously they didn't have that at staples or office depots, so I just skipped that for their staples would be a good idea, just staple the diaper on the brody. I finally found them at at the Walgreens, but they were the small packages you would have like had a coronary because I had to buy, you know, the smaller packages, and so you get less diapers per you know dollar. You know, it's like right, because I

couldn't buy it and find the economy pack. But I found the size five swaddlers that she wanted, and I'm like, I started buying them up off the shelf. What the hell? Who what's the size five? Why is it? And why is there a run on size five diapers? And in it's got to be Pampers brand too, because I'm like arguing with my sister in the middle of the target. They got Huggies and Loves in the size five. She goes, you don't understand they're not as good. No Huggies, no Loves.

I need Pampers and and and and I'm like, okay, what about Pampers Air Dry And She's screaming at me, right thing, Yeah, they're not as good. What Okay, Brodie, I don't know anything about pampers. You're talking about the guy who's never I've never had a shot for Pampers in my life. No, I know, what's the different audience? Our audience knows that you clearly don't know anything about

pets or kids. Everybody. So what what what is so great about the swaddlers, the swadlers, toddlers, toddler, Yes, they fit differently. Certain kids are shaped differently. So when you find when you find the diaper that fits you, that fits the kid perfectly, that it's comfortable, easy to remo, move, easy to get on, that you like, you go with that one, all right, And you're trying, and you're trying to interest me in the diapers where the ship flies

out of the side and get her a six whatever. Man, we gotta make sacrifices. But listen, right, but listen, here's my my question. So anyway, I think that almost me hours. Okay, that's why it was five o'clock, all right, So I think the air dry thing is has come out since my kids were in diapers. I don't nothing with the air dry now. I'm sure that it means don't tweet me I'm sure it means something like it'll dry from the kid wearing it, he won't sit in his own pea,

or she won't sit there on pea. But when you first said it, I thought, do you have to hang the diapers up like on a clothes line, let them air dry so the kid can wear him again? Like that's the name a Yeah, google that later again, don't tweet me. I will look it up later. That's that's the image that got in my head first, was that you have to you have to air dry them and hang them up like to reuse them, like when you get cheap wash them out. Maybe No, that's not it.

That's absolutely dry channels. You know they're called baby dry pampers baby dry with air dry channels. Oh, that's totally different. Now, air dry channels. That makes sense to me. That's what that's like Maxi pads with wings. But you know it, and I know the wings of the wrap around the panties. I get. I don't. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. So okay, So now you're telling me it's your nephew's fault, your sister's fault, and your fault for what happened. To me, well,

I can't. I can't. I can't possibly disappoint them. I gotta get her pampers. Okay, but you're gonna be in Brooklyn tomorrow and I'm gonna yeah. All right. Well, here's the thing. Had we done the podcast when I was ready, I would be free and clear, enjoying my weekend. But because you said, oh, give me twenty minutes so you could be romantic with your girl friend, I went upstairs and got into an argument with one of my family members that I wouldn't have gotten into had I not

been upstairs. So I'm blaming you. You're blaming me for a fight you had in your house. That's correct. That's just as asinine as you blaming me or my or my nephew because I he had it. He ships his diapers and I had to buy papers. You know what, if he just wore the Android channels, my life would be better. That's not that's correct. How I responsible? First of all, what what could you have possibly thought about in the twenty minutes span. It doesn't matter what I

was fighting about. The point is I was in Brooklyn boys mode, where I'm always right, and that cost me dearly cost me oh big setback. Yeah, and it's your Now you're in the doghouse. Yes, And I'm gonna blame you when I go back upstairs after this podcast and say listen, it's Scary's fault. Here's why, and then uh and then hope for forgiveness for the rest of you. Had had we been doing the podcast, you would never

have gotten into that fight. That's right, that's right. Had what are you gone to the police, this would never happened. That's correct. So ultimately I have to blame you because it's chain of events. Just like I wouldn't have gotten that that ticket for the stop sign had Nate not distracted me in the parking garage, I would not have gotten that that pulled over by the police for texting while driving, which I wasn't if you didn't incestanly keep

texting me. See, everything is somebody else's fault. Now you understand? Yeah? Oh sure you sure you were a lawyer. I we've covered this. I was. I was hoping to be. By the way, speaking of deflection, it's not really deflection. But um, you said I don't sound any differently. Now now you clearly sound differently. Okay, so I know you spent ten thousand dollars on your home radio system that you have there. Every time we talk about it, it keeps going up.

Why it was twelve thousand last week, it's twelve this week. I don't know what you're talking about anyway. So I bought the fort A Snowball microphone and now it took it took oh, it took four weeks because of a pan pandemic amnia or pandemonia um to get this attachable arms. No, that's detachable king missile. Uh No, this clips onto the table and it gives me a microphone arm that brings the microphone closer to my face. And it came with the free microphone cover, sponge cover and a spit screen

to put in front of it. Uh. So I feel like it's more professional now. Plus it's closer to my face so I don't have to keep leaning over down to the microphone on the table had little legs, and I feel I feel sound better. Well you know what this week or actually, uh, since I think week three or four of the pandemic, I have been buying things to make my pandemic life better. And they show up whenever they show up. Because you know to day I

Amazon Prime isn't two day Amazon Prime anymore. And some of the things I've ordered it from China and it takes forever. So I'm every day I get like surprise box on the front step, which I wiped down, and I, you know, I leave it on the porch for a while or whatever. I'm all the safety precautions. So yesterday I got the electric hair clippers that I ordered three weeks ago, knowing, knowing I would eventually desperately need a haircut.

And last night, for the first time ever in my life, I gave myself a hair cut with these hair trimmers, because in when I go for a haircut, they just they buzzed the sides, right, you know, they don't buzz them. I don't have a crew cut, but they shave them down to it. I think it's a four setting, which

amounts to let's say, oh, well you go. I know, I do a four and I think that's like, uh twelve millimeters approximately, And so I got the set up that has you know, different attachments, and one of them I think is a thirteen millimeter, so it's close enough, and I just buzzed. I buzzed the poofs on the side. And now I'm feeling pretty good about myself. Oh good for you, man. Yeah, I mean I wore at I wore my Mets hat all night because I was like,

I'm unsure how it came out. But today, post shower, it looks better. It looks better, So kudos to me. And I gave my very jealous because my hair is out of control everywhere I got. The way I gave my something out of my nose, hair coming out of my ears, it's disgusting. I and and and and by the way, I am not about to give myself a hair cut because I know that I'll funk this ship up. Oh I'm sure. Well. By the way, I gave myself a five dollar tip, so just letting you know that's how.

That's a five tips I've sort of, I mean, I paid nothing, so five dollars is pure, pure profit. It's a hundred percent tip. It's more than a hundred percent because it was nothing and I gave it. I gave myself a lot. I'm a big tipper, is what I'm saying. But yeah, why won't you buy clippers or nose tremor or something and clinging I have a nose hair trimmer. I have to use it. The problem is my nose hair trimmer should be from my nose. I don't want it in my I don't want the same apparatus in

my nose and then put it in my ears. That's ridiculous. Why it's well, then you should do your ears first. No, then you gotta smell your ear. I mean, it's all right, flip a coin, it's it's what's the lesser of two evils? Well? Would you would you rather? Would you rather have the nose here trimmer in your nose first to trim your nose hairs and then throw it in your ear, or put in your ear first, and then put in your nose,

and you don't want to smell your ear. I would definitely go nose first, because your ears can't smell your nose. But then when you put it in your ears, you're you're taking whatever remucus in your nose and you're inserting it into your ear. It just sounds really, really filthy. I don't know if separate, Yeah, you know, I feel like there should be a way where you could rinse it off in the sink and wipe it with a cloth. Oh wait a minute, you can. Yeah, but no, you

want to sterilize that ship. I'd rather wash it with soap and water. Okay, you don't need to sterilize it, so just wash it with soap and water. Then then do your nose on Monday and do your ears on Tuesday. This doesn't seem that complicated. I mean, people are making sacrifices in the pandemic and you can't figure out how to shave your ear hair. I mean, rather have two separate ones. Okay, now you have from my ears. Okay, now you have a sprouts coming out of your ears. Honestly,

it looks like you got a corn field. You can see it on zoom. The hair is coming out of your ears. At that point you need to suck it up literally. And by the way, they can't come up with a better way, like a mini razor. I feel like a little a little a little handle mini razor. They should be able to put in your nose and shave up in your nose flat. I can't get there.

I can't believe the best way to zap your nose is with an electrocution machine on a on a metal tip that goes and stings you and I know if you buy the better ones, it doesn't sting as much. I just feel like, so, isn't it really just like a metal blade spinning around the round underneath the filter of it? You know, yes, and the better ones don't pull as much, But you still can't get against the sides.

Sometimes you're only getting like what's flying around in in in nose space hashtag no space, because you you can rice. You can hope that the ones on the side are long enough that if you angle the nose tremmor properly, you can maybe get it to like fall in and and shut and cut it down short. But then you get look, you get no stubble hashtag no stubble, and then you you can't, like, if you go to sneeze or like blow your nose, you're pushing the stubble into

the other side of your nose and it hurts. There's no good way. The ear canal and the nostril have a lot of curves to them, and there's really nothing that's perfectly made for it. I mean, they tried to give you that rounded one, That's what I'm saying, Like, why can't they pe a little attachment on a stick?

Like a little razor, a little little gilette razor, like a little selfie, like a little like a little like a lawnmower, like a little and you just stick it up in your nose and you shave with like two blades, and you get and you get the sides. Do you get the size? Now? I would say to you, why do we have nose hair? I know that there's nose hair to catch follicles in the air, which turned into boogies, right,

the boogers, little snots. They turn into the boogers because it's the dirt that your your your nostrils filtered, right, I get that, But they're annoying and they grow too long. So who designed that? Right? Like? Who created man to have the nose hairs grow down and out? What's that about? Right now? I know if you have a yard, if we were living in caves which were close to the way the pandemics going, then the hair from your nose would just interact with the nose on your face and

you would never notice it. I get that, But somebody should have thought ahead. Somebody should have should have been in the in the planning meeting and said that nose hair's gross Man, that's not good. I'm excited that I still get nose hair because that means that hair continues to grow on my body and especially there's no correlation between your hair on your head and your nose. Is that you think that makes you manly and young? You don't think old guys have the longest nose hair on

the planet when this is becoming an old guy conversation. Oh, I'm saying it doesn't make any sense what you said. You're like, oh, hey, hey, baby, what if to grow hair to grow hair? Okay, but that would that be in your Tinder profile? Ladies, I'm young and virile enough. I still grow nose hair. Is that a plus nose hair? Like? Wouldn't it be great if you went through manopause and you stopped growing nose hair. Wouldn't that be better? I mean, it would give us all a break, right right, Like, Oh,

your unwanted hair is not growing. Maybe I should near my nose. I wonder if anybody's ever putting air in their nose. Oh, I'm sure people are putting air everywhere. Do you think people? Do you think there's someone out there who paid for nose hair lazing? You know what I wouldn't put it past people. I bet if you google that you'll find it or your hair your hair lazy? Oh absolutely, Oh got absolutely. Celebrity men, you know they're waxing their ears. They probably well porn stars, they wax

their assholes. Yeah, I would imagine they do. Yeah, I shock you, No, I just because because they literally knew that. Guys. Apparently there's a thing people. There's a name for it too. Yet it's called waxing your asshole. No, no, there's a name. There's a scientific word for it. It's called getting a brazenis brezoni ant waxing? No, there's there's anyway whatever the the caseth do you remember? Do you remember? I was about five years ago. We had a sponsor, no need

to mention the name. We had a spa, spa sponsor, a spa and sir, and they invited all the guys from the Morning show to come to this really nice uh spa in New Jersey and get a free treatment like come get massages or Matt and Manny petties. Because they wanted us to be to know about the spa and to talk about it locally on our New York radio station. And so for the week leading up to it. Um. I think Nate gathered the emails from us as to what we wanted. Were like, what kind of massage do

you want? You want to get a Manny petty? You know, you want to get your eyebrows done. Whatever. You were able to get two things, and so Greg T the Jersey Kid, he kept joking. I thought about, I'm gonna get my ass bleached. I'm gonna get my ass bleached. And we're like, hey, T, we're just going to these people. We don't know, we're not paying for the treatment. We're just going to get a half hour massage, get a manny petty, get a tour of the place, and then

be able to talk about it intelligently on the air. Dude, I'm getting it. They're doing it for free. I've always wanted to just want to lighten the color of the skin. That's all he wanted to do, right which who's looking back there? Who's looking so you're telling me your wife's looking. Listen. You didn't want it to look like if you look like a a crush section of the peach. He didn't want it to look like a pit. Okay, look if

if your wife is going back there. She's already made the mental jump not to care what color it is, do you know what I mean? Like, if she's going if she's doing that for you, then then her least concern is the shade. And she's like, hey, I see corn, I see cornback here. I don't care, but you're you're a little dark brown for me, shade wise on your flesh. And I can't go back here unless your pal is a ghost. Okay, But if then why is it so popular?

I mean there, if you google it anal bleaching, you'll see dozens and dozens of people trying to do the procedure for you. They're chomping at the bit. I'm going to answer that, and you use the word chomp during your procedure like this, by the way, scary, Just so you know a little lesson that everyone can take home. They're gonna people are gonna say they didn't know it until today, untill they were today years old. It's not chomping at the bit. It's champing at the bit. C

h a MP it is. Yeah, Well I was today years old when I found that out. That's what I thought. I thought it was chomping at the bit. No, it's it's uh well, and now where does champing come from? So so champing at the bit has to do m men. Read the definition from Grammarous on the difference, I'd rather go talk about anal bleaching and go back to get hold on champing at the bit. Now you got me wondering. One definition of bit is a metal mouthpiece used for

controlling a horse. It's the bar across the horse that has roped on both sides, right, and the horse chomps at that bit right. So the tendency of some horses to chew on it when they're in patient or eager before the start of the race, it's called champing at the bit. Chomping at the bit. Some people consider this spelling wrong, but chomp can also mean to bite or cho moistly, though chomp things are often eaten. The phrase

comes from the sport of King's horse race. That's right, you're not a bit, as part of the apparatus goes into the horse's mouth, connects to the bridle and reins. Horse can be controlled that way, directed by the jockey. That's correct, they chomped the bit. Nope, according to dictionary, means you're eating something. It just says it's a no, it just says it that it is. Uh, it is just another form of it. It's somehow morphed into it. Champing, chomping,

from champing to chomping. Okay, so again chomping is not originally correct. If it's one of those things like they put ain't in the dictionary next to ginormous, I can't be responsible for that. I'm just telling you. The taint is next to the next to the dictionary. It's next de tangees, next to the dictionary, it's next to the it's it's next to the dick. That's right. So back

to anal bleaching a sentence. I never thought I would say, by the way, I do think I will say that if if, if it has so many people with so many options trying to do it, it must be more popular than we care to admit. So what I'm gonna say. What I'm gonna say is for women, I could almost understand women doing it. I'll tell you why. In in a in very common sexual positions, the man will see that part of a woman, right, Okay, but they're in gay relationships. The same thing for men. But the jersey

kid is not gay. And so there's only one position I can think of where his wife would see it, and that is if they were doing the position with a number and she was on the bottom looking up. And again I would just close my eyes if I'm her. But again, the shade shouldn't be the issue in that scenario anyway. So back to the story. Um, so we

walk in and they high nice to meet you. Where they were like, We're so happy to have you, and uh, They're like, oh, this is let's say Jean, she will be doing the massages, and this is Stephanie, she's the manicurist, and tells out which one of you guys is gonna bleach my asshole? He said that you were there, you were there. I'm telling a story. You were there, and it doesn't help my story, yeah, he said. And then Nate was like, and block a lot of that out,

you realize that. Then Nate hit him in the arm and said, dude, shut up. He's like, what, I just want to introduce myself. He goes, how rude would it be if I didn't introduce myself to the woman who was gonna bleach my asshole? Not now, who's rude? So, my god, so yeah, he thought he was being extra polite by by introducing himself and getting to know the person. He's like, it was it would be more wrong if I didn't know the person I expected him to do that.

How rude is that? So, yeah, your buddy, So was that even a possibility of that having you know, was that on the menu of service? I think it was on the menu like whitening. But but but there's like your teeth, right, there's a yeah, they're crusted, the crusted white strips. So, uh, I can understand if you said, hey, listen to the manager, listen, I would really like them, you know, the the lightning done, the whitening whatever, But don't yell out, hey, who's gonna bleach my asshole? I

just I think that's a bit. And plus, when you're getting the thing for free, do you write like do you really want to have them, like as a favor, Like they're trying to get trying to introduce you to the service and that, and like you go for the one thing on the menu that is taboo. And if I remember correctly, he didn't tip. He's like, why would I tip? This was all free? I'm like, oh my god, you had this poor woman do that. I can't. Oh. And for the record, I remember I had an appearance.

I was not there. I was not Oh that was one of your Okay, so you wasn't there that day. I would have remembered this. How I have forgotten that an opening line. So so let's let's recap. Now. Your appearances have kept you away from Who's Gonna Bleach My asshole? And and the weird all Yankee vic in studio interview. We never told that story, Yeah we have. You weren't there, we all uh oh, and you also missed the shoe buying.

You weren't there when Elvis took us to um Saxforth Avenue to buy uh almost thousand dollars shoes for everyone on the show. I missed out on that. I never got my pair. Yeah, and you still you wanted it. You were like, oh, and I never got my anal bleaching. Yeah, but but but you thought Elvis would buy you the shoes retro actively. But he only bought them because it was a bonding experience for the men on the show.

And you chose not to buy them because not to go because you had this appearance you had to go to I get that. But then you're like, well this, you still own me a pair of shoes, and he was like, no, the shoes were part of the experience and you felt you you felt you should still get the shoes. Well, yeah that was then. That was like five years ago. Yeah it was. I still have those. I still those shoes. They still look good. Have you warned them, Well, I think I talked about this on

the podcast. I've warned them. I think four times I wore them to a function, wedding or something where I brought them with me and put them on when I got there. I wore them on two different cruises because the carpets are the hallways are carpeted, and it's indoors and it's you know, not gonna get scuffed too badly. And I think I wore them out to a reunion of my high school buddies where I put them on in the car getting out of the call are, and then I put took them off once I got back

in the car. But I wanted them to think I was wearing eight hundred all of shoes normally so and now someone in South Dakota is wearing them. Thank you, No, no, no way, no, because God forbid Elvis ever said hey, everybody where those yeah, well yeah you know, and I would be like, I don't have them anymore. No, I could never know. Plus I would never sell them, like I love these shoes, love them, Okay, I just don't feel comfortable wearing them. Picture it didn't happen. Let me

see it. I'll send you picks. They're they're I think you No, I have them, and I still have the I still have the shoe bags they came in. Sorry, run get your fanciest patter of shoes from the closet and photograph and send it. Yeah. Hey, um, we're gonna let's take a break here. We'll be right back after

this with B and Scary. All right. Well that was actually longer of a break then you think, because it was only about a minute in podcast time, It was actually three hours in our time, right because I said I gotta go and we went to commercial. What I had to go do was I had to go pick up my order p F. Chang's China Bistro and uh, because I ordered it like two o'clock for six o'clock and I had to leave, and I said I may have to leave and I realized. My wife texted me,

she's like, you gotta leave. So I left, and here we are three hours later, continuing the podcast. In fact, I don't think we've ever done this before. No, And and the reason why it's three hours is that, of course there was a problem. So there's always a fucking problem with you, all right, So let me tell you what happened. So I ordered them. I'll tell you what I ordered. I ordered two orders the Mongolian beef no vegetables, of course, a wanton soup, no vegetables, chicken fried rice

no vegetables, and uh let us wraps. They were fine. And then I ordered an item that isn't on the menu anymore, but it's always been my favorite and if you ask for it, they'll make it now. I don't know why they don't have it on the menu, but every stroll will make it for you. The problem is now you have to order on the app right or through door dash or whatever, and you can't order something that isn't on the menu. Can you leave it in the special instructions? No, because if they don't see it,

they won't ring that up as a dish, right. I'm so so I had so I called, so I called in the order and I spoke to I want to say, the guy's name is Mike, very nice guy. So I give him the order and I say, oh, and lastly, I know it's not on the menu, but I want a combo double pan fried noodles which has like a brown sauce and then chicken, beef and shrimp. Right, And

if you order it, they know you. They're like, oh, this guy knows this stuff because it's it's one of those hidden items that that was the way for a guy who won't go eat it Adam's pizza. You eat a PF PF chans Channa bistro and order from a guy named Mike. Hold on a second. Now, First of all, I'm gonna respond to that. You're right, um, I mean, hold on, you're eating Mike's food, Mike from from China, okay in two thousand. But but you won't eat Adam

And we've had the pizza conversation. If you don't know what we're talking about, you're not listening in order. Shame on you go back and listen to I will address that because it's a good question. I'll tell you what. So we have an intercom system here through Google home at you know, at the house, because my kids are two floors up, and so I googled my daughter and she so she googled into calms us and said, hey, can I get French fries? And I said, so I I in tocom back and I said, well, you can

have French fries, but it's four o'clock. Don't forget we're having Chinese food. And she into calm back down and she said, how dare you It's not Chinese food, Dad, it's p F Chang's. So my family is well trained and their connoisseurs. But here's what I'll say to you. The difference between Stacy's pizza is that Stacy is an Italian most likely and shouldn't be making pizza with her recipe. P F Chang's is a corporate recipe based on somewhat Asian recipes. But I will say p F Chang's is

not what I would consider Chinese food. It is Chinese style food in the same way that Taco Bell and Jose Tejas are Mexican food. Their text Max, So let's call p F Chang's text Chinese. Okay? So all right? So I so I order from Mike, and I order everything. You know the way I order. You know me rose polam in ventuals. So I know what I order, I know how you ordered it. So I go on, Um, you have to wait outside, so they ask you on the phone what's your name and what what does your

car look like? Because they come out to the car when they see your car, and they bring you your food. So I'm driving the third car that I got from my daughter, and I say, I'm in an electric blue Ford Fusion. So he says to me, got it alexis blue Ford Fusion. So I said no, No, I didn't say alexis blue, I said. So, I said, Mike, what's alexis blue Ford Fusion? So he says, I assume it's a blue Lexus, uh and Ford Fusions the model. I said, dude,

you don't know any about cars. Alexis doesn't make Fords, that doesn't. I said, it's an electric blue for your problem from right from there? Right? So I said right, So I said it was coming. I I knew it was coming. So I said, you know, the real end was coming, and that was free dessert like I'm gonna it wasn't a good omen so I said no. I said, no, Mike, it's an electric blue Ford Fusion. It's a Ford Fusion that's electric blue. He says, oh, I don't need to

know that it's a hybrid. I just need to know that it's blue. I said, Mike, it's not an electric car. The color is electric blue. Let's just say it's a metallic blue. It's a very bright, metallic blue. You won't be able to miss it. Mike. He's okay. So I get there and some guy comes to the car. And now listen, I know there's a pandemic, so I'm willing to make certain exceptions. I wait a little longer. It's not a problem. I'm not upset. In no part of this story am I upset. I just want to get

I'm gonna put that out there, so you know. He comes out. The guy comes to the car with the mask and the gloves and and he he says, what are you here to pick up? And I said, I'm here to pick up for David. This is a Ford Fusion. So I give him my credit odd and and I had a gift card for twenty five dollars. And he goes inside. I see him walk in and when in twenty seconds he walks back out and he says, I'm sorry, we have a couple of David's. What's your last name?

So I said, it's on the credit card you're holding, and he looks at me and he goes, all right, so again, okay, so red flag right there, red flag right there. He came back out. So they bring the food out, and I have to say, very professional packing. The food bags have one handle and the opening of the bag is melted shut. They must have like a clamp sealer that melts the plastic bag so it's sealed, so no one can touch the food once it's in the bag, so I can't open it to check it.

But it's good. It's germ free this way, so I'm fine with that. I get home, I take out all the food, and my wife and I are unpacking the food. My kids are upstairs. They're not coming down yet there once they in a shower or whatever. That's an important part of the story. So I laid all the food on the table and I go to open my pan fire noodles, my favorite, and it's plain lomaine. I go,

I said, what what the hell is this? I want to double pan fried noodles, which is a brown sauce and and and chicken beef and and shrimp and what is this? So I saw God, I gotta go back now. Now keep in mind, I lived twenty five minutes away from the mall where the p F Chang's is. Okay, I don't live close, but that's my dinner. So I called back and I speak to a girl named Elsa. Uh, by the way, I had a nice conversation about Elsa. Everyone makes fun of her name. She hates the movie.

Everyone's like, oh hey, I like she said. She waits tables and every night the people at the end and she'll say, can we get you anything else? And they'll go, yeah, we have a question and want and they do you want to build the snow right right? So she hates her name. I told her she should just change her name, like she'd call herself Elsie or something. Yeah, have you seen Frozen? People ask her if she's seen Frozen at

this point, like have you seen the movie Frozen? Like she wants to kill herself over the name, and you think she hasn't seen the movie anyway. So Elsie says, no problem, I'm so sorry, you know what we're We're we're very busy tonight. I feel terrible. If you come back, we'll make it right away. So I said, well, you know what, Look it's a twenty five minute ride. I'll come back. But here's the problem with pan fried noodles

in my house. One of my kids likes him, and one of my kids loves them of my three kids. So I know if I get Pan Fight noodles, there's never gonna be enough. I said, you know what, I would be okay if you could give me a second pan fire noodles, no vegetables for my trouble. She's, oh, you know what, not a problem, Consider it done. Okay. I hang up, and as I'm leaving, my wife says, you didn't have to steal it out of the fridge. Shut up, man, I didn't steal it. She she gave

it me. No problem anyway. So my wife opens up the fried rice and there's vegetables in the fried rice. So I'm like, crap, all right, I'll call Elsie back from the car. Not a problem. So I get in the car. I called back, trying to be of changs, and it's else again. I said, hey, uh, this is David again. Hey, yeah, we'll have that food for you right away. Don't worry, I said, nope. Uh, I hate to even mention this, but the chicken fried rice, Um,

it has vegetables in it. I ordered would have vegetables. And I don't know if you want me to stop and turn around and bring it back. Um, because because oh remind me of Chinese food restaurant I to tell you about. I said, you want me to bring it back? No, it's fine, we trust you. We'll have a fried rice ready for you with the with the pan the two pan fire noodles. No vegetables, No vegetables, got it? Okay?

So I'm driving ten minutes goes by and my daughter texted me they didn't put any fortune cookies or fruit in with the bag. That's the favorite part of the meal at the end, to get the fortune cookies and the fruit. So I called back and Elsi's is high p F Chang's Elsa, yeah, David again, Um, one more thing I didn't get. No, she couldn't have been nice nicer telling you else's no. No, I saw her, I met her. I'll tell you the story. She's like, I'm so sorry. I said, I'll put extra fortune cookies in

not a problem, whatever you need, no problem, Okay. So I don't know about ten minutes more. I'm five minutes away. My wife sends me a screenshot of the soup and the vegetables in the soup. Now I ordered wanton soup and vegetables, so it's got spinach and mushrooms. And now the spinach changes the flavor of the soup dramatically. So I'm like, I can't eat the soup my kids, right, my kids aren't gonna It's worse than dill. So my

kids aren't gonna eat the soup. So I text back, Hi, Pfan, I said, Elsa, at this point, you should just answer the phone. High up, David, it's Elsa. At this I'm so sorry. So on the fourth phone call, she's laughing. She's I am so sorry, I said, says I will get you the soup. I'll get you all your food change tonight. Hey, sounds like you should shut up. Let me finish my story. Sound I know where this is going. All roads lead to free dessert. Have we not learned

anything off this podcast? But what we've learned is I normally have to fight with the manager. So well, yeah, well know because right now you mean, I hear your voice is so even keel yea, so far it's a friendly conversations. Okay, well no no. So I get there and Elsa comes out to my car and says, Hi, are you David. Yep, I am so sorry. We're doing our best. I feel awful. We messed up so much of your food. She said, look, um, I'm gonna go see if I can know you know what it was.

I called first. I called to tell her I was pulling up, and when I had her on the phone, she says, I'm gonna see if I get the manager, because you should speak to the manager. You've had four problems. I feel terrible. Talk to the manager. I said, I'm good if you're giving me the food and the free pan for noodles. I don't need to speak to the manager. Noe's in your head. So she says, you should absolutely speak to the manager. It was like my birthday. I'm like, no,

no, no no, I'm not asking to speak to the manager. Nope, you should speak to the manager. So I'm on hold. She comes out and she says, the manager is really busy. She feels terrible, but if you'd like you can call tomorrow. The general manager will be here and he would love to hear what what what happened, because we're doing our best, and if you want to tell him what happened, i'd be great, she said. But I feel terrible. I said, Elsa, you have been the most polite, apologetic employee that I've

experienced in years. If I call the store tomorrow, it's only to tell the general manager how great you are. And she says, oh my god, I'm she was blushing. Wow, it's a love fest. I could not have been more happy with Elsa. All right, Um, so a guy comes out with my food because the first wave of food comes out watching the Titanic, you know, the damn ship, saying yeah, okay, all right, but you should have my music ready anyway. Uh so scary, scary, scary, have the

music ready? So okay. So so the guy comes out with the pan fire noodles and the rice and says the soup will be out in a minute. Elsa brings the soup out in a small bag and she says, again, I can't be any sorrier. You're so nice about this. She said, listen, we have your name. We're gonna give you a full credit for your meal. I'm gonna have the GM take care of it tomorrow. The foods on us. So I said, well, okay, um, but I paid with the twenty five dollar credit A gift card also not

a problem. Will credit the card back as well, so I said. So, I said, well that's very nice. How are you getting the card to me? She just swing by tomorrow. So I said, I gotta swing by tomorrow. I gotta come back here. I said, can you mail it? No, we can't mail it. I said, okay, well if I come tomorrow, can you give me like a fifty dollar gift card? And she says absolutely. So, so I got the free meal, the extra the AFTRAC you have card, no problem. So I'm I'm I'm rolling hold on a second.

Why you do a fifty gift card you already got your free hold on? Because I have to go back again and it's a twenty five minute trip, so that's a lot of gas in my time. I's got a dollar a dollar a mile or dollar. Keep in mind, food cost is in the food industry, right, so giving me an extra trying to get a fifty dollar gift card off for because of the inconvenient to come back tomorrow to get your gift card. Right, and it's only costing them six dollars because the food cost is in

the middle of the pandemic. Hold On, at some point, you just cut your loss. Hold on, like you know what, hold on, hold on, I'll come back tomorrow. Hold on, hold on. Yes, you're you're you're partially right. So I said it kind of jokingly and she's like, no, absolutely. I said it, like, well, if you come back and you double it. She saw I was kind of joking and she was like, nope, you're right. Well we'll do

that for you. Great, Okay. So I get home. I get the pan fried noodles and look great, the fried rice perfect. And I opened the soup and the soup has vegetables in it. Again. I mean, I went back twice. They made a special trip for me and made everything again a second time, comped my meal, gave me the discount, and then after all that, the soup has vegetables in it again. Twist. There's a plot twist. But here's what I'm gonna do, scary. I am not gonna call and

ask for anything for the soup. So I'm good. But tomorrow you're gonna go back. You're gonna get you fifty dollars and then you're gonna complain about No, I'm not. I won't mention the soup. I will not now. No, I'm gonna know you way too well. No, I'm okay. I'm gonna mention how great also was. And I might mention the soup in an off handed way, but not because I want anything. I will not take a penny more, I promise, but I want you like stolen at this point,

At this point, it's embarrassing. No, it's not. It's not because listen, you've taken a lot from that scary but you got it all for free. How much did you? How much money came out of your pocket for your entire dinner tonight? I gave them a twy dollar tip, So the twy the tip they keep doesn't count. Well, that's out of my pocket anyway, I want your Oh I want it counts? No, no, no, no, it only counts. You asked me how much, how much out of pocket?

I was okay, So the hundred dollar tip that I know for nope, nope, nope, count I know even I didn't got right there because twisting my It was for free, not not what I said. You seem to have not counted that discount. Scary. You asked me how much money came out of my pocket tonight, And I'm only pointing out as a way to remind people to overtip these days, because these people are working very hard for counts for something. Nope, it only counts to answer your question. It doesn't count

towards what I spent on. You asked me a question, you said, how much money? For the record, I paid a hundred dollar tip on that steak dinner that came out of my pocket. Okay, scared, let's not People don't want to hear the steak dinner thing until you give me you buy me a steak anyway. I want your opinion on this. For Chinese food, when when I said to the girl Elsa, do you want the fried rice back? She said, don't be ridiculous. We couldn't take it back anyway.

It's a pandemic. We couldn't take the bull back into the building, like I just wanted to ask. On Wednesday. On Wednesday went off and I went for Chinese food. I haven't had Chinese food and in a month and a half. So I'm on, but you're willing to eat it from a guy named Mike and a woman named Elsa. Next time I get a hold on. Mike and Elsa weren't making the food, and Mike and Elson didn't create the recipe. But I went for authentic Chinese food on Wednesday by myself. I ordered it from a place I

always order from. Now what do I order? If I'm ordering lomaine scary no vegetables? No, what's the whole? Oh my god, do you not listen to this podcast? People are screaming at you right now. Roast pork, roast pork loamin pork, yeah, right right, And it's one word rose poklomaino vegetables right, Okay, So I wanted two things. I ordered pork dumplings and I ordered roast pork loamine no vegetables. Now this place, I love this place, but every once in a while they make a mistake, not a problem.

So I wait outside and there's a table outside, okay, And they said, there's a table outside. We'll put a will write your name on the brown paper bag so you'll see it and you'll just come get it. We don't interact, not a problem. So I'm sitting the nose of my car is right up against the staircase that you go up to the table, because that it was an old diner that's been converted to a Chinese restaurant. She's now old diners have a staircase or ramp that

this is the staircase. And on the top of the staircase is a little patio area, like a little flat area where they have like a little a bridge table set up, and it's like two or three bags up there. While I'm waiting, a guy gets out of his car with a mask and gloves. He goes and gets his food. Okay, at this point on the table there are two giant bags and a little bag. Now they're not mine because

I just ordered. Right, a woman walks up. She's the third customer that I've seen, no mask, no gloves, and she starts touching every bag and looking in every bag to see which one is hers, even though from my car I can see that right right, So so I blow my whole worn. Now I'm I'm sitting in my car with my with my mask and my goggles on because I know any minute now they're about to bring my food out. So I'm ready, right, So I blow the horn. She looks and turns to me, like, what

are you blow on the horn at? So I look at her and I point to my mask and my right and I look at her and I go and I yelled at the window. The names are on the bag. Stop touching everybody's food. And she's like, she looks at me with that f you face, but doesn't say anything. And so she finds her bag. Now, wouldn't you know

it's scary. It was the tiniest bag she ordered, like one thing in a little plastic bag, but she had to touch all of the large bags to see which bag was hers, giant bags of like seventy dollars worth the food. Common sense? You you know you ordered one thing. You know your bag is going to be small. It's impossible for your ship to be in the bigger bags.

So so she gets the bag of would and she gives me a look like me right, So, first of all, fuck you Chinese food, Francis, I'm throwing that out there, so my food. I see the bag that looks like the size of a bag that would be mine, and I can see my name is on it. So I go and get my bag and I walk into my car and I checked the food. I want to make sure the orders right. It's only dumplings and the lomain. I opened the lomain and it's fresh pork lomain. It's fresh.

I don't know if you know the difference, but it's like sliced gray pork. It's not red. It's not I mean, it's it's okay, but it's not that roast pork. You gotta love roast pork. I know what you're talking about. I know the difference the red roast pork. Plus, if you're following the news, they're shutting down pork factories all across the country and they're talking about how might be a pork shortage. So I want my roast pork loamin now before there's a shortage, which is why I was

at the Chinese restaurant on Wednesday. I gotta get my roast pork. So I call inside and I say, hey, this is David. I just ordered. Oh yeah, they know me. I said, I got fresh pork instead of roast pork. So she well, I ordered their all time. So she says, you ordered fresh pork. I said you know, Um I didn't, because I know in my entire life, I ordered roast pork, lomaino vegetables. And if you ask Christine who works there, that's her name, or I'm assuming that's maybe her name.

I don't know, but that's her name. And uh, I said, Christine knows I ordered everything, no vegetables, roast porks. She knows. This is another woman I don't never never saw it before. So she's I'll get you another right away. Not a problem. So if you've got the fresh pork lomain in the car and you hadn't eaten all day, you might you might pick it right because it's going in the garbage. That's fair, right, So I have a little lomaine, I have a couple of pieces of fresh pork because it's

going in the garbage. And you know what, it's not bad, but it's not roast pork. But now I'm not starving because I had to wait in a ten minutes now for my food and my wife's waiting for me to come home with uh with other stuff at the groceries I got. So she comes out and and she hands me the food. She goes, give me, give me give me lomaine. So I said, you take in a back, Yes, I go. Aren't you gonna throw it out? Can I keep it? What are you doing with it? Oh? We

take it back? What are you gonna do with it? What are you gonna do with it? First of all, even if I didn't right, even if if even if I didn't eat from it, you you can't serve it to somebody else. Even if these times were certain times, he still wouldn't be able to do anything in these difficult times. If they were non difficult, you can't do anything with it. Now, I'd be curious to see where their food went. Right. Now, here's what I'll say. When

you order delivery. Sometimes when you call them to have the driver bring you another one, they want you to give back the old one because they don't want you to try to scam them that you want like double right, They and the driver brings it back so that they can show the boss I got the old one. It wasn't a scam, right. But she works there. She's an older woman. She sees clearly I've got fresh pork. She

knows I ordered roast pork. She needs to take it back, so I don't keep it, and now I'm wondering what they did with it. Now I'm kind of schemed out about it. Now, I'm like, what are they doing with its favorite Chinese food place right there? It's my third favorite? But they're still open during the pandemic? Oh my god, China China pandemic is closed in the food court in the mall, so you can't go there anyway. China pandemic express. Yeah, pandemic, right,

that's what that's That's what I was saying, China pandemic. Yeah, so how about that? So p F Chang's, Oh keep it, don't work? About that? How about that? And then the Chinese food places like oh uh? Got out that back. By the way, you can never ever yell at me for talking for ten minutes again like you did in the last two podcasts. Now that's fair. Wait last podcast,

I didn't do that. And by the way, Elvis, Elvis yelled at you yesterday on the show this morning because because you ask him a question and answer it and then keep talking what you always do. Because I was looking for an opinion that opinion based questions. I'm allowed to give my opinion as you go. Right, you ask a question, you impart your opinion and then you you bring it to everybody else. Right, But the people who

are asked wholes, they called them. Asked wholes is when you ask a question and you answer it, but it's a factual question, like something that has an answer to it, Like I knew the answer to that, so I answered my own question. But when you ask a question it's opinion based. You can give your opinion, you're still looking for everyone else's opinion. You're a big difference. That is not an asshole. So I'm not an asshole. You're not

more of Yeah, you're not an ask cale. But Elvis pointed out you went off for like seven minutes, right, you answered, so you never so much time. Well, I'm just saying on the Big Show, No, no, no, absolutely, you deserve air time. Uh well I wasn't saying that either. I'm just saying, like I don't you're you're making it sound like I talked for ten minutes. No, no, no not. That's why we have this part. That's why this podcast even exists. Right, so we can just sit here and

ramble about Chinese food. Right, Okay, we got a couple of wet We got a couple of a break. All right, we'll right back. I'm not going for dinner again. You want to get a true minute. That was a true minute, right there, there's been. You want to play the sound stuff and then we'll talk about the thing you said on the air that has been that what Okay, we

have some sound we should play. I can play the two songs that I produced, the new ones, and then I gotta call you on the carpet literally for something you said on the air that Uh, first of all, I can't believe you did it, and I can't believe you said it on the radio. So okay, well all right, let's oh now we're out of time because you don't want to talk about it. Okay, I don't want to dress this, okay. So by the time you no, no, no, you know what I'm talking about. Take the word yourself.

The word yourself is in the subject matter. Well just no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not gonna be honest, no no, no, okay, let's gets try to suck their own dick. Hear that. Guys, we all did that at one point, your kids, We all have when we were kids. Someone somewhere along the way, you definitely tried it. But that's another story, and I firmly stand behind that. I said that on the air, and I didn't say it like that because we're not

allowed to. But that's why these podcasts are cool, because we could say whatever the funk we want and however we want. But anyway, but that's another that's for later. Okay, let's get to some sound and then we'll address this. Because you're bullshitting me. How am I bullshitting you? I haven't said a word. You're bullshitting me. If you're bullshitting hold on, hold on, hold, I don't want to have this conversation till the end. You shut up. How can

I follow that? How can I play soundclips? Because now people are like, I don't want to soundclips. I want to hear the story. All right, you just sabotaged. You just completely complete sabotage. I love them. Oh my god, I didn't talk about the Beastie Boys story. I don't give you my review. Speaking to Sabbotha. By the way, there's a band that I loved, uh it's a long time ago, called Sabotage. I love them now. A little known fact about Sabotage. They were a hair metal band

late eighties earlier mid eighties, late eighties. But they were also very um a lot of instrumentation. They played the piano that orchestras occasionally in their sound. They did rock opera CDs with the whole CD was a big piece of production. Anyway, that members of that band went on to become Trans Siberian Orchestra's right, right, So sometimes when

I instrumental, it's actually right. So a couple of the guys from Trans Siberian were guys who are founding members or important members of Sabotage with a V. So, because I like that band so much, sometimes when I'm saying the word sabotage, I sometimes say sabotage with a V. And then I have to remember the Beastie Boys song is sabotage and then helps me remember to say the word. So although I'm a word tsar normally, uh, sometimes I sabotage and hope nobody notices it. Okay, go back and

listen to um, what's what album? Is it Hailed to the King? Maybe no, it's a rock opera. It's Sabotage. Sabotage had an album was it was fantastic anyway, red album cover. Now we're talking about Christie Todd Whitman from last week. Okay, so last week Christie Todd Whitman, uh was talking about how the pandemic across the state lines and I played it last week and she said the wrong thing twice. Play the clip of last week, how we reopen and how we do this because this coronavirus

doesn't care about your political boundaries. They could care less about They could care less about one state or the other, and people travel between them, so it really is. Okay. So Christie Tard Whitman, as you remember from last week as you listen to order, she used to be the governor of New Jersey. Okay, so she said the virus doesn't care about boundaries and then said it could care less, it could care less twice when we all know it's

I couldn't care less. Okay, fair enough. So you know politicians, when they get a catchphrase, they think like they have the greatest sentence ever. Here she is again yesterday on a talk show. You know, mother nature and these kinds of diseases don't respect any kind of boundary. They could care less about political boundaries. They care care less about your wealth somebody should really have a conversation with her.

So not only did she say the exact same sentence pretty much about geopolitical boundaries, she's she doubled it again. She doubled it police. By the way, the back of my p F Chang's gift card had a number like a gift card number, and then it said pin and a hashtag next to it. It actually said pin number. If you guys don't know hashtag. The hashtag symbol also means numbers. No, people don't use it for anymore. Um. Okay, So Christie woman, what else did I give you? We

have a couple of surprise clips here? Yeah, I have not heard okay, but there was no other sound bites. That was only sound okay time, I mean we we we were talking to about heroes and non heroes, right, Okay, So I have two songs and I have two clips. Do you want the surprise clips first? And let's go for the surprise clips? Okay, I've been waiting all day, all right, So I will explain to you what the clip is, but I want you to play the clip number two first. I don't know which one is which

they are labeled It says once says scary surprise. Yeah, my road Caster pro doesn't have them. They just it cuts everything off. You suck. It's a surprise clip. It could be clip for all I know. Okay, but it says scary surprise clip. Nope, surprise clip and surprise clip. It says all right, we'll take a guess. All right, go ahead, batting clean up the third baseman, number twelve, David Brody. Oh my god, that's the new mess announcer. Yeah, so that that the men announcer. So Colin Cosal, who

is the grandson of Howard Cosell. One of the greatest American sports casts of all time is how for Monday Night Football on Avies Right. If you've ever watched seventies football or Muhammad Ali fights, he was the voice of American sports in the seventies. He was on The Odd Couple as a guest star. Anyway, that's his nephew. His grandson listened to the podcast, so his grandson. I believe it's his grandson. If it's his nephew, I apologize, but

believe it's his grandson. And uh is the p A announcer, the public address announcer for City Field with the Mets play, so he's the one who goes battering seventh and he does like when the players come up with walk up music, he's the guy who announces them. So right, So we did a story on the Morning Show that I gave Elvis for the for the New York News that we do in the Bonus hour, but just for you a hundred that while there's no baseball, he's doing walk up

intros for kids, first responders, anyone who asks him. But he but he's he's doing them for everything. That's awesome him and and he said first responders are playing them as their ring tones and it cheers them up at work. So I tweeted him and I said, hey, man, we're doing the story tomorrow on the Morning Show. You should tune in. We're gonna talk about you. I'm a big Mets fan. I haven't met him yet because I was good I was good friends with his predecessor, Alex Anthony,

and he's the new guy. I haven't met him yet, but you know you and I you and I know Veto and all the people in the Mets organization who handled the scoreboard and all the all the audio and music in the game. But I haven't met this guy yet, Colin. So I said, hey, just tune into the show. So he tweets me back and he says, oh my god, I grew up listening to you guys. I love you guys. I'm so honored that you reached out. I can't wait

to hear it. Anyway, So he asked me what I wanted, and he said, I want to do one for you, and he banged it out, and so I got one for the show for Elvis, which we played on the air. Yeah. Right, And then I wrote something for him to do and this is another clip he did. Play it now about it trying his best to play right field and the reason the National League wants the d H number five scary joes, that's awesome. What am I batting there? Uh?

You're you're I don't know, I don't whatever. He said, it was bad, all right, Well listen and you're batting clean up. You're adding clean up. I don't know if you tried to brody scary me and back before me. You bastard. No, no, no, no no, you're the number three hitter. You're a you're a you're a gotta be left your lefty. I'm righty. So the point is you're terrible in right field. So I wrote the joke about trying to play right field. But how great is that intro?

That is awesome. I love that. That's a nice surprise. Now I have a surprise for you. Now hold on. You can put any Beastie Boys music or whatever you want under that. You can put any music you want. Yeah, you could also edit out the part about not playing being the d H whatever. You can chop that up. You have a surprise for me, Yes, I do you. You watching a Too Hot to Handle on Netflix. It's one of the top three most downloaded shows. Uh no, you may not be. That's not my style. I'm watching

the Michael Jordan's show. One of the stars in that show is this girl from Ireland, Nicole O'Brien. Anyway, she has a cameo and I figured half for thirty dollars, it's worth every penny, so I had her do a message for us. This is a video message, but here's the audio portion. I'll try to visit you in NYC. Hey everyone, it's Nicole O'Brien of Netflix is Too Hot to Handle and you're listening to the Brooklyn Boys podcast.

With Scary and Brody the okay, you like that. What's the point about the beginning where she's a'll visit you in New York? Did you edit? Oh? Yeah, she was telling She was saying that she's gonna visit us when she's when she's here, I don't want to see her now. She said, your name for ust it's Brodyan Scary. You spent thirty dollars scary. How much do you charge for your cameos? Right? You charge more than her? And I'm supposed to be excited that she did an I d

for us? Did you get and do something nice that was fine? Did you get Atison right podcast? Did you get Atison right from TikTok to do it for you? No, but that would be a get Let me tell you. We have some more saying, okay, you have a couple of songs you want to play because I know that well, Well, dude, every five minutes, I get a notification about Kim John Kim Jong. Yeah, so Kim Jong. Yeah, we don't know. At this point, I don't know when you're listening to

this podcast. So if you're listening in July and he's alive, don't tweet us. But at the moment when I wrote this, we did not know what his status was. So I'm going to tell you there's one or two lines I'm not happy with as far as the mix. There's one in the line about China and Japan. Whatever. Here's the song I wrote, and I apologize you have any questions with the lyrics, I'll tell you what it was. But um, I didn't have time to have the single redo it.

But anyway, here it is, hit it. This is my bon chon Jovi. We have not Kim tell those face for days April plug surgery. Now there's no news either way Japan and jealousy that he's dead. All run the break until with no for Shore who was should with? Think where's the surgeon? If he's smarty, you'll go and hide. It's Kim John Jam Joe dead, all Lave? Is he dead? All lad? That's great? Thank you, brilliant. Now the same guy who's sang that for me sang the next thing

you're gonna hear. But I want to read a text message first and again, can't stress enough. People are doing a great job out there, uh delivering food and um, you know, working jobs that are important to the economy. Truck drivers are risking their lives delivering love you guys, but um and and what they do may be heroic.

It may be, but as far as heroes, people for the most part are saying that the medical professionals are the heroes out there because they're basically sticking their face in people's faces who have viruses, trying to keep them alive, trying to comfort them. Uh And So the people who have been asking for shoutouts, some of them have gotten

more and more. You've gotta be kidding me, Like the guy at the water treatment plant, the guy at to car dealership, Like at some point, right, so we got this text message and I could be wrong or this guy could be I don't know. He says tons of respect and appreciation to medical personnel and first responders. However, so many of these award categories uh and and compliments wouldn't be possible without the Internet. How about a shout out to the heroes and communications the lineman out here

making the show and everyone's netflix possible. And porn now, I give you the porn thing, but scary, what would you say in the grand scheme of things people keeping the Internet going? Uh? Making sure that your connection works. Would you say they're heroes or would you say, hey, man, thanks nice job. I would just say hey, thanks, thanks for doing what you're doing. Keep on, keep on doing it well. I wrote a little song for you. Here it goes. You are not hero baby, You are just

doing a job. You are not. No thing about your job has changed. Some of us just need the thing. Weary, I'm tearing up, you're gonna cry. Well, what about straight date on the phone the other day from you know on during the Big Show, trying to talk to this lady off the ledge because she was arguing that we refuse to say thank you to the kids, the kids going through homeschooling heroes, that they're heroes, they are heroes.

And Nate was just trying to let get this woman off the phone because she insisted that she gets on the air and Elvis acknowledges that the kids are heroes. Well, you know what, kids, you are not a hero baby. You are just doing your job as a kid learning being homeschooled. I can only speak for firsthand experience. My kids are loving the home school thing. They don't have to worry about what they're wearing, they eat whatever they want because we have the food they want in the house.

They run to the bathroom when they want, They're on TikTok during class if they want, they're having a You know, it's boring for them, some of it, But I wouldn't call it heroic. I just think again that words being thrown around, thrown around. Ah, what's this clip about four or sixteen? You play this one? Oh? Um? Yeah, let me let um. Okay, So this is I believe this is a doctor Gupta on CNN. He's one of these gods. No, no, I think it's a different Yeah, Sanja Gupta. Yeah, but

it's Gupta anyway. So you know how sometimes like people will talk like conference room speak, like hey, put a pin and that will circle back to it. Uh. I hate that right, So in one sentence, I want you to listen to all the words he used instead of normal words. Go ahead, undertaking. We need modern tech to help us, and that tech exists. We just need to package it in a way let's user friendly. And I'm harden to hear the innovation is happening. We just need

to really marshal that. We need the federal response to amplify it. Okay, so he wants to package it. It's tech. He wants us to marshal it and package it. What does it even mean? Well, listen to it again, listen to all the spin he's putting on this. I think what he's trying to say is we need to we need to use it, we need to make more of it, and uh, we need to get people motivated to make it. But whatever you're taking, we need modern tech to help us,

and that tech exists. We just need to package it in a way let's user friendly. And I'm hardened to hear that innovation is happening. We just need to really marshal that. We need the federal response to amplify it. Yeah, so he's heartened. He can't just be happy. He's heartened, and he wants to He wants it marshaled and he wants it packaged. Yeah, just say it's just talk, man, Just just say you want the federal govern to freaking get No, he's gotta watch his words. So I listen.

I had to back that one up. I'm like, wait a minute, you're gonna back that ass up. Speaking of words, I told you about my friend who constantly texts me the wrong Your and every once in a while he says I could care less, and I don't. I don't have it in me to say and correct him because we don't have that kind of relationship. So this week in a conversation, he said, irregardless of that, I can't scary. Yeah, irregardless. That's bad. The word is regardless. You don't need to

add an error. Yeah, it already has that built into the regardless part. And I almost broke. I almost was like, I'm trapped in my house and you're saying it regardless. I mean, how much more can I take? We also have one one email that I just want to get to here that you may want to comment on here. This is interesting, last one on while you were doing that, I want to make sure there's nothing, no screenshots that have to be read today, So go ahead. I have

a couple. Well, well, this was from a person who doesn't want their name on the podcast. Oh so this is the first time you haven't actually said the name right, although the name is printed at the top of the damn email. Please don't use my name. Started zero Slice for Life working hard on the front lines during COVID enjoying the podcast for a nice escape, Um, I can what is this saying? Oh boy, First of all, they're disappointing you that you did not push back on the

bat hatred. They're upset that I'm upset that the fruit bat is on the American Quarter for the year. For some background, I work for an environmental agency and bats are fantastic animals that are in big trouble right now. Their population numbers are drastically reducing here in North America due to what is called white nose syndrome. Not going into go if that sounds racist right there, Yeah, white nose because here comes, here comes. It's destroying their population numbers,

and the disease is not a threat to humans. We have been getting calls at my agency from people wanting to kill bats when they see them, just for existing bat's species here in the Northeast mostly eat insects, with one little brown bat capable of eating a thousand mosquitoes and arrow an hour. Fruit bats and nectar eating bats that scary was so horrified by pollinate an incredible amount of plants and crops, crops such as mangoes, bananas, blew agave,

and countless others. If you're horrified by bats, stop drinking tequila because without bats, tequila would not exist. Comes from the agave plant. I understand it's a tough time, but just as we should not hate monkeys and chimps because of the AIDS crisis or vilified cows when mad cow disease was a threat, we should not blame bats for COVID nineteen. That's already have had a bad rap. So hate, so hate. Hearing some of my favorite podcasts pile on

the hate. Anyway, stays safe and hope the snowflake jingle doesn't play in your head when you read this. Oh it's not. It's not gonna gonna play in my head. Scary play it. You're a slice for life. But come on now, come on now, please crazy, Okay, now listen here because she just slice for life. I don't want to who I said she you're being a snowflake. Oh yeah, you don't want to say she's a she. My apologies

to marry Ane, to Tufo uh in Long Island. You know, listen, No, no, we have love and respect for everybody, but some times no, no, I look, she loves bats. I get it. She's batshit crazy. I get it. She's not bat crazy. She doesn't want me to be batchy easy because I'm giving a giving bats a bad name. By the way, I have to write there for next week. You ye, bats a bad even Listen, she may have bats in her belfry for all I know. Uh, nobody was saying kill bats. We

just said having a bat on a coin. It's not good timing considering that possibly this may have started from someone in a wet market eating an infected bat. That's not the bat's fault. But you know what, bees are very popular? Am I right? Am I wrong? Be's a popularlar and not popular. They're important, They're important to humanity. They they they pollinated flowers. I get it. Yes, Okay, they're cute. Uh great, But if one's on your kitchen table,

you might try to kill it. If there's a whole nest in your house, you might try to kill it. So they serve a purpose, you know, well, serves a purpose shock server purpose. But if I see one in the ocean, I'm gonna try to kill it if it's trying to kill me. Now, I'm not going shock hunting. But I could say I hate shots and I'm not, so I'm not trying to take a bat to a bat, Right, I'm just trying to point out that it is the timing is is inconvenient, and it's a terrible coincidence. Of

course everybody's favorite. It's coincidence. It's coincidence. Oh but I'm not I'm not bat hating, I'm not bat shaming. No, you're not bad, Sam, I'm not trying to tell people. And by the way, people are predisposed to do what they're gonna do to whoever, whenever, whatever. No people are going out on a podcast to say anything about anything.

For you to take action on something that you're predisposed to take action on whatever you And again I'm not saying anyone as a back killer listening to this podcast, but but me having an opinion about the ill timing American quarter bat tale pandemic that was potentially started by a bat is just something that is it had to be addressed. But isn't ill timing. A Beastie Boys album license failed timing is another? Yeah, play the snow flake

jingle out of Love? All right, speaking of irony and coincidence, are done with that. I don't know. She may not listen to us anymore. So I was watching the news, and the reporter was doing a story, and she said, a hundred year old man died from coronavirus. Very sad. A hundred years ago. He had he had a twin, and the twin died of the Spanish flute. And a Spanish flu was nineteen eighteen, unless you listen to the president who confuses it with the movie nineteen seventeen and

keeps saying nineteen seventeen. Uh. And the reporter says, wow, isn't that ironic. No, it's not ironic. It's a shitty coincidence that his twin brother died in eighteen uh from from coronavirus, and he's dying in in from Uh. I'm sorry that he died from the Spanish flu, which, by the way, has nothing to do with Spain. Uh. It wasn't from Spain. Go look that up, um, But it's it's it's not ironic that they both died. It's a

shitty coincidence. Um. Speaking of the pandemic, I one one thing I want to read and then we can talk. We can talk about how next week we're gonna talk about how you tried to s your own d um. There's a you can look up New Belgium underscore a vl okay. I'm assuming that stands for Asheville. So there's a town called Asheville, which I think is in the South, and they have cans of beer called stay Home Beer, and it says stay Home on the can, which is a way to remind people to stay home and stay

safe during quarantine. Right, here's what the caption of stay Home Beer is. Come and get it well at Barami Brewery Company and Archetype Brewering. Come Pity West, Asheville's location. Anyway, we're offering curbside pickup from twelve to eight. It's called stay Home. The beer is called stay Home and you're telling me I hit the music scary. It's telling me I have to come to the store and pick it up curbside. And yet it's called it's called stay Home beer.

It's very name tells you what to do to encourage people to stay home. They've made a beer that forces you to go out and pick it up. It might as well be called don't wear a face mask beer. It might be called stand close to strangers all day beer? What are you doing? Stay Home Beer? So f you Asheville and f you archetype Bahmi brewing companies in West Asheville.

Because you're Asholes. Wow, the Ashles too, Yes, because when we were born in Brooklyn, DA Boys Brooklyn, Brooklyn, dah Boys Brock Brooklyn,