#124: High Quality Poops

so Garrett from from the Elva Strand show. Our buddy Garrett texted me a little while ago, and he says, hey, man, this is this show you gotta try out. It's funny, you'll like it. So I said, Oh, who's it by whatever? He says, Oh, it's by the creatives of such and such. I said, well, I don't really like that show, so why would I want to watch another show by them? So he writes back hashtag quarantine. In other words, I

shouldn't be begging for a quality show. I should just take what I should get because we're stuckholme anyway, Oh yeah, so we don't. We don't. Beggars can't be choosers at this point, right, I don't know if I'm gonna watch it or not. But if I if I watch it and I have an opinion, I'll let you guys know what I'm talking about. Otherwise it's not worth mentioning. So I'm just The point was he was like, lower your standards, man.

You're on quarantine, and I feel like a lot of us that are isolating and just hanging out and board at home with nothing to do, are finding things to do and things to watch. If you want to start with TV, you could talk about like junk series and docu series, biopics and things that you normally wouldn't had you not had as much time on your hands. But now you're just like, you know, I found that I discovered a whole set of channels digital channels that the

l G TV offers. I have an LG TV, and it offers like a whole second band of channels, like like, look, what the hell is this? Scary? And they have like special numbers next to them scary. Did you need to mention the brand name of your of your television in this case, yes, because I'm not so sure that Samsung and Sony and others they do manufacturers offer it's called no because because they're called LG channels. I didn't do

that was not a great two. It's mentioned I'm not getting paid by l G. I mentioned it because specifically l G TVs have this. Now I don't know if you have it on the SAM Sung So they have like other yes. So one of the inputs is is basically over the air channels. They're not cable. They are uh it's like fitness channels that you can go to and watch over the air. Over the air would mean uh, I'm saying they're not They're not there, and I'm saying

that I know that, I know that. What I what I what I meant was they're not through direct TV there, they're they're local channels. But they're like cable access channels. If you if people you remember before cable you had like uh F which was like channel forty seven had wrestling back in the day, or Spanish language channels. So there's there's hundreds and hundreds of channels. There's cooking channels

and the comedy channels all built in. I guess, like I said, it's a it's a different band of local television. But for instance, one of my all time favorite shows is Mystery Science, the the three thousand, where where they have had robots. You'd watch and people would watch really bad movies from the fifties and and and sixties, and they would comment at the movies and critique them and make jokes and so, uh, there's a channel of that kind of programming. That's all they do, is that, right?

While I discovered a channel that was just running rowan In Martin's Laughing, which is like a comedy show from like the six from the sixties. Yeah, and it's like a TV show that was on network TV and now they have like a whole thing. So but no, but these are digital channels. They're not broadcast in any way. They're not like actual cable channels. They're just there're they come with the TVs and you have to kind of like press buttons to find them. It's it's the weirdest thing.

Maybe I'm maybe I think we're talking about the same thing, but you have yours in your universe. I don't know. This is just this is just called the LG like digital channel series and I don't know this these are but what my point is, the larger issue is these are the things that I'm discovering while in quarantine, Like I would never have stumbled upon that had I not had eleven hours in a row on my hands, you know.

And and Brodie, I don't know about you, but I'm now starting to like do stupid things like huh, let me go, let me adjust the brightness, let me adjust the picture. The sound? Is the sound as optimal as it could possibly be? And I'm literally fucking with the remote, saying what does this button do? What is this I'm literally going through menus of things I'm trying to get like my router, you know, from my my WiFi. I'm

like trying to figure things out there. I'm like, I'm like really like diving deep into every piece of technology that I own to make sure that I'm getting optimal use out of it. And that's just on the technology side. Okay, So I'm recording this right as as we're doing the podcast on my end and you're recording on your end, and I'm looking at the wave file in front of me, and I did not speak for a minute and twenty three seconds. Louis Is might thank me for this. I

can find it. I can find chunks of audio or I don't say a word, I know, for twelve minutes straight. Yeah, and all I say is don't I'm not criticizing me that I'm not. Absolutely not the only reason crazy, I'm a cage fucking monkey. The only reason, the only reason I brought that up is it a minute in twenty three seconds prior, I wanted to add something to what I was saying, and I didn't want to. I didn't

want to. Forget No Mystery Science Theater. The people that made Mystery Science, the three thousand some of them, are working on a new project. It's not new, it's like ten years old called riff Tracks r I F F T R A X. And that's the channel that's built in through the television. There's a riff Tracks channel. It's only four hours a day of making fun of old movies.

So that was so long ago in this podcast that I forgot what the initial comment was that set that off that, which is why yeah, right, it's why we set it up. You should have jumped in and edit it then. No. You you know, you were talking about like changing the brightness on your television and adjusting the colors, but you aren't you doing stupid things around like that around the house. I got going to do a TV Okay,

So it reminds me of two things. One it reminds me of home projects, which is Home Depot related, uh, which was that I was at home Depot on Friday around five o'clock. I was out grocery shopping in case you're wondering why I was out, and on the way home, I'm like, oh, I really need to stop and pick up something at home Depot. And I have my mask, I have my goggles, have my gloves, have everything that that I feel comfortable wearing. And I went to Home

Depot to run in and grab the one thing. And the line for Home Depot, because they're social distancing, they have everybody lined up six ft apart and they only let people in as people come out. Well, the line was a on the front of the store, down the side of the store, and into the parking lot. Yeah.

That's my best guess is people are catching up on those home improvement things the same way you go to like these craft stores like Michael's or even the craft section of like a Walmart or Target, and like everything sold out. Like you guys don't have fucking crayons. You gotta be kidding me. To the day I was looking for clear tape. I just wanted some scotch tape. They didn't have any, and I'm like, what's what the run of type tape like this toilet paper And they're like,

you don't understand. They say, a lot of kids are you know, the kids are home, So we're out of sidewalk chalk. We talked about that, we're out of anything, any supplies that you could normally find on any given day in any store ever. But they're out of, um the tape and rubber bands. No rubber bands, rubber bands, oh, rubber bands, and the hood masks on people are making their homemade masks. That's why I couldn't figure out the

rubber band thing. Yeah, hair twist ees, ponytail holders, all that stuff people are using to uh to attach their their their bandanas that they're making into scarves into. Looking for twist ties and they couldn't. I couldn't even find those. They're like, sorry, man, you got you gotta buy garbage bags in order to get the twist ties. Yeah. By the way, you don't sell twist I said, you don't tell twist ties, like like you know just loose like a bunch of like twenty Twitter and they're like, no,

they only come inside the garbage bags. A month ago, being from Brooklyn, I was very tempted to grab a box of trash bags, open it up, grab the twist ties, and walk out, but I didn't do that. You can go online and get twist ties if you need to, though, I mean, let's be honest. But as far as masks go, uh, people who were making masks a month ago because there were no masks fear not. There are now masks on Amazon, which I talked about on the Walkers and Talkers podcast.

If you search for face masks on Amazon fu Amazon. They have the worst search engine imaginable because if you search for anything, half of your results are nothing like what you search for. So if you search for face mask, you know what the top five pages of stuff are that you get, like women women's facial masks. I didn't search for facial masks. I want a face mask to

cover my mouth so I don't get coronavirus. And by the way, you were an employee at Amazon who works on the tech side with the pandemic, even if that pops up by default during this time, you should make regular face masks pop up by default. You can order it any way the fun you want. You could put the facial masks after that, right, which is which is what I tweeted about a few days ago. I tweeted an Amazon I'm like, hey, you should have a link on the front page of Amazon dot com. Here are

your face masks that that that you're looking for? Here everything that is an actual face mask. So, like I wanted a walk in dead face mask, if you search for walking dead face mask, you get actual like zombie masks. You don't get the kind of masks you want, which

is kind of coincidental since so many people. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure the population googling face mask in any search engine is talking about the to prevent the So after an hour I realized, because I found some some masks were coming up in my searches, you have to search for a dust mask. Now, why would you search for a dust mask if you're looking for the kind of

masks a nurse wears. I don't mean nurse quality, I'm saying their medical masks, right, But if you search under medical, you don't get you only get like a box of disposable medical ones. I was looking for ones that had patterns, so like, if you search for Mets face mask, you might find one. So I searched for again, it's impossible to find a walking dead face mask because again zombie masks come up. But if you search for walking dead dust mask, then you can find some. So the you

know as a great search engine Etsy. If you search on Etsy for what you want, you find it. How how look? I know Amazon is trying to sell me other stuff. So when you search for USB adapter, you find adapters, you find US B S, but you I want USB adapter. I don't want things that have a U and S and a B in it. It's the worst arch engine. But I guess they want you to look at other stuff and go, oh, I don't need that,

but it came up with my search results. I'll buy that. Also, I can't criticize, right, but don't show me that in my search results. When I specifically want a one eighth auxiliary cable into a three quarters cable coil, don't don't, don't don't put up coils. I don't want coils, so so f you Amazon overall, But I was able to find a bunch of masks on Amazon that I want again. I think I mentioned you off off this podcast. I found um New York Mets masks on eBay and Etsy

that I ordered. I got some Walking Dead masks I only have I sent. I sent you a Beastie Boys mask, and I sent Jamie, my co walk my co host from Walkers and Talkers. I sent her a bunch of Walking Dead masks. So you can liven up the monotony a little bit by getting a pattern mask. That's that's what people are doing. Yeah, well I have the boring blue one, but I wanted something that was like, you know what, what would I do if this is the real world, I'd wear something with a pattern. I'd wear

a Met shirt or a Met jersey. So let me let me liven up you know who I am and express myself through my mask because you can't see my face, so you don't know if I'm smiling or not, you know. Uh, So let me do something that says maybe it's a conversation starter. Although on the other hand, I don't really want to have a conversation to anybody, so maybe that's a bad idea. This is well, this is actually a time for the fugg lease isn't it our time? Yeah? Absolutely?

And and speaking of the fugg leaves, And by the way, I want to get back you and I we where I'm in public with our mess I'm like, yeah, look at me, I got swagger. You can't see the lower half of my face, right. So, and all the attractive people, all the Instagram models, what are they doing? They must be so miserable having to cover up, right, well, they must be using skinny masks. There must be some like

really tight mask they could wear like skinny jeans. But yesterday I went out, uh to, like I said, supermarket shopping whatever day it was Friday, Yeah, yesterday, And I had the full the full mask on, had a navy blue mask. I had navy blue um goggles on, not goggles. I bought protective glasses on eBay. They're basically glasses, but they're just glass frames or plastic to cover my eyes. And I was like, wow, you can't see anything. I look damn good today. You're right, I felt that. I

felt the same. I was like, wow, I look good. So speaking of looking goods of the world unite, butter face of the world unite. Uh, do you want me to talk about a light problem I noticed, or the morning show Elvistra in morning show video on Instagram, which you want me to go to next, because I want to take a little bit of both, but so you take your choice. Let me let me start off with the morning show video that went up at the Elvistra and Elvis da Ran show account on Instagram. Our video

producer Diana. I don't know who had the idea. I guess she did, doesn't you know, God bless whoever it was. They put together a video of all the women on the morning show, right, starting with Dan yelling Andy looking great and then putting the remote up to the camera and then taking it away, and then it was them what they really look like during the day now since they're not dressing up. So it was like a before and after, right, and it was great. There's like this

seven or eight women on our morning show. It was great. So then Ali sends a yeah, they put that that was a TikTok that they then shared on Instagram right right of TikTok right, and so I remember when where we do TikTok's. Now they're not just for kids anymore. And you heard it here first, okay, can I segue now to TikTok's for a second. You can do that, Okay. Listen, now see this is where we're at that fork in

the road on the float chart. Yeah, and we can we can go down, get off the exit, but then we go back to the on ramp and come back right Okay. So it's speaking of TikTok's. I have been on on TikTok watching shark videos and people jumping off cliffs in flight suits, like just to keep myself busy. But every once in a while, when you're going through the for you section, h girls doing TikTok dances come up. So I've noticed two things about the girls on TikTok,

which I zipped through as quickly as I can. This is my kids TikTok. I don't need to watch other kids doing it. It seems like every girl on TikTok's name is Madison. That's step one. I don't know what that's about. They're all One of the most popular tiktoker's is named Addis. Her name is Addison. Yeah, I know who she is. But again, Addison and Madison not the same name. So that's my observation. Also, no one on TikTok.

As far as the girls who dance on TikTok, none of them seem to know the proper use of the word your. They use the wrong your all the time. So I guess that's either it's either it's either a TikTok thing or they make or they spend more time learning how to pretend they're driving a car and doing that arm lock thing that everybody does than than study their grammar. I don't know, but I can't believe that Charlie Damilio is she broke up with Chase Hudson because

that he was cheating on her. Do I lose you? I don't. I don't know how to respond to that. I don't know. I think you're on TikTok too much. I am, Well, she started, you know, she used out of the hype house. You know, the content houses. Yeah, I love. I don't know if our audiences. I like to find this and I'm exploring this world. I'm finding

it fascinating. They have sponsored houses, like physical houses that these kids move into just so like with twenty rooms in it, and they live there just solely to create TikTok content. In fact, Rihanna opened up the fenty House. But anyway, the hype House with with Charlie and Dixie, her sister, older sister, and all these other people. There's

old drama going on within these houses. It's only amount of time before a reality show comes out focusing on the houses because and then there's the West Coast one, which is the club House, and that's all like Beverly Hills, like rotten, you know, teens with you know, born with a silver spoon in their mouth, spending daddy's money. So is your next podcast going to be a hype House review podcast? No? But I got I know, I gotta

say listen always on. She's got, first of all, like Charlie in the most Instagram a most followed uh TikToker, she's got like forty three million followers. You know, I've noticed a lot of the TV show garners about ten million, if they're lucky, ten million viewers. Yeah, but that's that She's got forty three. She got four times the amount on one every fucking videos she puts out. She doesn't have that many views on every video. She hasn't that

many followers. That's not views. Some of those people may not watch. It doesn't matter. She's got millions, it doesn't matter she's competing with with the most watched shows on Netflix. Yes, I know she's very popular and she's finding a way to make money out of it. I got God bless her. No, No, that's great. That's what it's all about. Again. That that thing I complained about on Instagram, It's happening on TikTok now where you're watching a TikTok video and all of

a sudden they pull out an energy drink. They're doing the Scary Jones thing. I need a jingle for that. The TikTokers are pulling out sponsored product now or them. That's called Yeah, that's called capitalism. Absolutely. But you're like, oh, but but no, one I'm saying, is that's an endorsement. Yes,

I got that. I'm just saying you're trying to say, that's the equivalent of Oh, I think I'm gonna watch this awesome dance and the middle right, you're like da, and like as they pull they pull out a can of of like boom energy drink whatever it is, or they're like like looking into the lens and they're like delarusso makes me see better? Yeah, I hite the jingle that commercial. These kids are very right to make every

penny they want, but you don't. I want to start seeing fifty of everything you make for playing jingles on our podcast. So anyway, anyway, that's what's going on in the world of TikTok and I love it. I've been following it now, like because once again I've got way too much time on my hands. Okay speaking away too much time and TikTok and it reminds me about before when you say you were just in the lights on your television set one of your videos you posted. I

don't remember where I saw it. You've got an actual photographer's light in your house with the doors on it. What? What the hell is that? Yeah? What is that? How much did you pay for that thing? Irrelevant? Okay, so irrelevant. I have, dude, that's an expensive light. What what do you mean that photographer's light? It's a it's an actual it has a tripod. Right, are you a photographer seven ft high? Are you a photographer now that I don't know about. No, it's a L E D L E

ED light. It's it's rectangular and it has what we call barn doors on it, the barn doors of the shutters that you could open, open and close, you know, in the rectangular you know there's four panels and steel panels. Okay, but why do you need huh, why do you need that? You do? You have women? Here's what's going on, and this is this is a real thing. Oh I don't real thing for people. I get Okay. We do Zoom meetings in the daytime. Yeah, and you sit and you

sit in the dark. We talked about that last week. Okay, okay, well that's the problem, not solution. This was a solution for the problem. You could turn the lights on the apartment. I am. Let me, let me back try to your point, and that is we are. We do have a lot of Zoom meetings now, and we do them with clients, not just the morning show. It's a lot. I'm on camera a lot, and unfortunately I sit in front of the computer and I'm backlit and I have no I

have no lighting. I have a tiny lamp. That doesn't do me justice. It's just so I look like, um, this fucking creepstir in the darkness, like the banker on deal or no deal, Like that's what I look like, and I can fix it in the light. There's no light anywhere. No, no. All the lighting I have are are low our lamps and they're all there's no The only overheads I have are in my kitchen and in my bathroom. All the light is lamps. Yeah, there is

they they is lamps, right, Okay, that makes sense. But anyway, my point is, so I need a source of light, an abundant source of light, like a floodlight, a spotlight that's on me during these Zoom meetings, because so I can be lit up because everyone because it's awkward, Everyone makes jokes scary, why are you in the dark? Man? And I'm like, I look like an idiot, So I have to be presentable. I mean, it's the same way. You take more than that light? How much did you

pay for the light? Scary? More or less than the Sweller system you're having. Let me say this, there are very popular lights called ring lights are good solution. You can get them for you can get them for fifteen dollars, twenty dollars. You can get these. These are and their circular and they're perfect for these TikTokers. Well they're pulling out their energy drink and doing their dances for you. A lot of YouTubers use them and whatever popular. Everyone

knows what ring light is. Why did you buy one of those? No? I imagine you there's a lot of people listening to this podcast. They do not know. I'm saying they know ring night lights. Now what now they do? Why didn't you get one? Because I read up on ring light? Hold on pause right there. The ring light is the financial equivalent of the forty a dollar microphone I bought. Now you went instead of the forty four on the microphone. You spend hundreds of dollars on your supersystem.

So it sounds to me like you bought the equivalent in lights? Would that be fair to say? It is a light, it's rectangular, and it's only seven seven inches by four inches. It's a seven by four light. Okay, So rather than a round light, you pick a square because here's the problem with a ring light, okay, And that's just that, and maybe somebody can somebody can tell

me what's up with this. The ring lights emit a light that kind of makes They're good for a kind of light that where the light falls off your face. It's good from makeup tutorials so mostly women are on there doing makeup and you can see the contours of their face and ship and whatever. And I'm like, whoa,

I said, I'm not trying to achieve that. I just want a big burst of light in my general direction, lighting up my whole fucking figure, like kind of like you always be a big figure when you're out in the club. You want that too, you always want the big spot light on you. I get it. It's not about that. The point is I there was a problem, all right, It needed a solution, and that was my solution.

How much was the light fifty bucks sixty? It was it was over a hundred dollars with the tripod, with the seven foot tripod, over a hundred dollars to light yourself on zoom. Well, it's forever. It's it's I can carry, it has battery packs, it has battery charges, I can I can go out in the field with it. If I needed to do a shoe, you know, I would have taken a wrench and a and a and a flashlight and and prop the wrench around the light so angled towards my face. It would have been your solution.

That would have been my solution, or I could just picture you with the duct tape and trying to balance a balance a flashlight over the you. You would do that. I have a headband lamp that you where when you're working in crawl spaces or if you lose power, so it's like it's a headband with lights and you can adjust. What are you a coal miner? Yeah? So I would have wrapped that around my laptop and so that the light shined on me before I spent a hundred and

fifty dollars or whatever you spent on a light. That's a photographer's light. It's a professional piece of equipment. What do you want me to do? I want you to not buy one? It also it also has two knobs. Okay, get this you could Okay, the one knob goes from ten to day, hold on, hold on, and the other knob goes out and spends a hundred dollars on a light. No, it goes from tungsten to daylight, six thousand degrees to twenty These is photography speak now. But the point is

it's a soft light and a hard light. So it's it's the speak. Here, here's the best, here's the best way do you want to buy some time share I have to sell. No, here's the analogy. Women, ladies. You know your makeup mirrors you have with the lightings on the side, by the way, you don't know how one of the biggest lights, the biggest you turn the buttons the knobs and gives you like that orange light that glow for the night time. That's what the equivalent of

this is in a knob format. Oh, it's definitely and I can perfect it's adjustable. By the way, men were makeup too, I think you're being sexist. Do you not know who Jeffrey stars? Yeah? All right, what kind of light does he use? Go fund yourself? Okay, So, like twenty minutes ago, I was talking about the Morning Show video and all the girls. So Ali, we're going back

on that one, back on version from that. You know how you are, You always go off on tangents anyway, So the Morning Show video, So Ali texted everybody, all the men, and said, they want us to let ourselves go don't shave, right, and then film us looking crappy and then shave and do our hair or whatever, and then make ourselves look good for this video so that they can show it before and after right, I don't

have it before. Maybe you should go out and buy one of these photography Like, yeah, so what I'm thinking of doing as a joke is to do and after and after. So I'm gonna be on the couch looking like a slob and then click the remote and then I'm still looking like a I do think that that's fun. That's funny. I think that's a punchline. But you just gave it away to everybody. I'm just telling you, I may do that. I don't know if I'm gonna do it or not. Even if I do it, it's still visual.

I have some ideas would have to be they would have to end with that. That would be the funny one, like like ha ha joke punchline. Yeah, I'm fine with that. That's the point I'm saying, I may do that. Yeah, I may do that. Hilarious. Um, So I have to know sacrifice and not shave. Well, I just shaved a day and a half I think before this text message

came through. She's like, don't shave till wednesday. Had I known, I wouldn't have shaved the beard I had or what I've had on my face, because it doesn't have to be till Wednesday. If I already had the scruffy face, I coulda I could have filmed it today. So now I'm two days in to three days in maybe to not shaving. So I'm not gonna go till Wednesday not shaving. There's no way I'm doing that. So I may have to film the like, there's no reason I can't film

the video on Monday or Tuesday. Right, there's no reason I can't do that. I don't see why not? Right, So you can do that, Yeah, you get away with that. How much scruff are you gonna have between now and Wednesday? Well, I'm already two days in, so that's gonna be a lot. Man. Uh, yeah, that's gonna be a lot. I don't know if I can handle this, because if I have to do something on Monday and record something, I have to. They want me to record a video for a high school prompt

for one of our radio stations. You really really want me to look like a fucking pedophile. Hey, here I am with my fucking beard. No, I can't do it. I have to be clean shaven. I have to comb my hair and take a shower. Wit are pedophiles known for having beards, I mean no, but yeah, and the creepy mustaches. Yes, wearing an unscruffed beard. By the way, do you have a Do you have a razor to trim your beard? M nah? Like nah, right, I have.

I look at guys like Drake and like dj Kalet, and I'm like, how the hell do they do that? They got those sharp trimmers and stuff, but even even even like to go from like two inches of beard to one inch of beard, you have to have a beard like a trimmer, right, trimmer right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have never. I have never in my life owned

one of those. So anytime, like we're on vacation from work and I want to grow up and not shaved for a few days, I let it grow up until the point it's annoying and itchy, and then I shave it. Because I've never owned any kind of device, so like, I can take scissors to it, but it's never even and so yeah, I'm zero to sixty done. Well, I go like zero to twenty, right, and then I go, I gotta get rid of it, because you run the risk.

There's a there's a no turning back point where if you go a week and a half for me where you don't shave, then the razor hurts, and then you don't want to shave because you're like afraid to shave because it hurts, So then you don't shave until it hurts a lot. But I've never owned a razor, so now with the advent of nobody can cut your hair, I'm thinking about buying clippers two shave or or shorten my hair. Have you're stimulating the economy? Have you douying

beer tremmers? And I'm buying photo lights? Oh yeah, that's the same thing. I saw all expos on the news about people buying photography lights that that's the same thing. By the way, have you cut your hair at all? Nope, I'm eight weeks in Okay. I had gotten a haircut about two weeks before the lockdown, so I'm probably two weeks away from being desperate. So somebody sent me a link. I have to find it. It was a story about online video barbers. If you heard about this, I thought,

I I so I texted Elvis. I thought to be a great bit for you to do either on air or off air, like and then come in and show your hair cut, so you pay barbers through this service and they come on and give you a one on one FaceTime chat or zoom or whatever where they talk you through how to cut your own hair. So you mirror them and they show you, like, grab your hair this way and then cut it. Grab your hair from here and cut it, use the razor here this way. Why not? I think it'd be a great bit. How

great would that be? We're like on Tuesday next week you say you signed up for it, right, and then you do it. Tuesday night you put up pictures and video on our social media and Wednesday you come in with your your new video helped haircut cutting your own hair for dummies. Well no, not just be for you, but yeah, that's right. So the barber talks you through it. Well, could you do that? We're we're from Brooklyn. We're more resourceful than that. I know a guy, you know a guy.

I know a guy who's having like speak speakeasy barber shop, a little on the side, action, little bit on the side out in his tool shed. The guy whoves on Staten Island. I'm out why because he's not Brooklyn. No, not that it's because because because and apparently, how how do I say that. I hear that he's dressed up in like a has Matt suit or something close to it. I'm being you know, actually here, folks, and he cuts your hair safely, and then you get your hair cutting me.

You know, what's it? You tip him in. That's it a little side business. I I was told by a friend of mine who says, hey, because I posted this on Instagram of me with my out of control hair, it's like ridiculous. And he said, hey, man, listen, he's slid into my d M because I know a guy you want, you want, you want to do this, And I'm like, I thought about it for a second. Then I'm like, I can't. I can't. I can't do it

but this guy. But but these businesses exist, these people are doing They're conducting haircuts in the privacy of their own home or out in the backyard somewhere. That's it I needed. I need a friend who's been my friend for years, who knows how to cut hair, that I can trust, I know where they've been. That's what I need. I don't have that. I have radio friends, I have sales guy friends. I don't know. Did you ever think he would need? Uh? You know a haircut hook up. No,

I don't have one of those. I oh yeah, it never occurred to me. Like you're like, oh, I have a doctor in the family. That's great. You don't have that I have, you know, I have. I have lawyers, I have accountants like I have, you know the stuff that you're like, Oh, I wish I had like a doctor in the family. I got a lot of doctors in my family. I need a barber. I don't have an uncle Giuseppe, like you have a better shot of that.

Jews don't tend to be balls well, and if you're a Jewish father, if you want me to pass along the info, I know a guy. If you want to get it done, you could get it done. But I was, I'm like, you know what, let me see how far I can take this. I got with my long hair. Plus I gotta I gotta pay twenty dollars and gas and tolls to go to this guy. I'm already in the hole before I even show up there. See, I wouldn't even think about that. We spent We spent two

hundred dollars on a light. You know you have to, but some things are just worth it. Like I mean, Okay, Well, let me ask you this because this is a question that's been bothering me now for two weeks. My wife's car needs new tires. Okay, and because it's all will drive, they recommend you replace all four tires at once, So I'm not gonna get into it. I'm only gonna put

two on. There's a reason. But anyway, the tires are like a hundred and forty dollars plus they want you to pay twenty five dollars to balance them and mount them, and then they're gonna tell me I'm gonna need new wheel alignment because the car was out of alignment, which is why the tires went bad. So just the two tires because I have to match the tread patent on the two tires to the four tires. Don't tweet me if I'm wrong. I'm just telling you what they told me.

It's like four dollars for two tires. So my question, I googled what I'm about to ask, scary. Why are tires so expensive? And I'm let me explain. It's just rubber that they put into a mold. They probably didn't need a lot of manpower. Right when you when you get new tires. What do you do with the old tires? You give the tires to the place. They get money back for recycling them. Right, the rubber goes right back to goodyear of firestone. However, they melt the tires down

and remold them, right, Why am I? Yeah, they're making money off of your bones. Right. And you know what a lot of places do they charge you? Get this, They charge you five dollars to recycle the tires, so they pay you have to pay them them zero zero sense. Well, because they have to store them and they claim they get rid of them, but they're getting money for recycling them. I'm sure the junkyards pay them in bulk for tires because some places sell you use tires so you can

have an emergency tire in your drunk. So they're making money off my old tire if it's decent. Right, So everybody's making money. Why is a piece of rubber a hundred and fifty dollars when it's most likely recycled. It doesn't make any sense now. The only responses I saw online because people, if you google wire tires so expensive, you get a lot of Reddit columns and chat room boards. Whatever. Excuse me, scamboni going on around here. There is a

major scamboni with tires because they know you're desperate. Right, It's not like you can you can go without tires. And I know that a lot of money would into the science of tires, the research of tires. I get it. But once they designed the good Year Eagle or whatever, they can make the good Year Eagle for twenty five years. They don't have to make new mole is every twenty five years. They just make the same tire. And you know,

the car companies are in on it, right. I was about to say that the car companies are in on this racket because because they say, we need to let let's do a different style of tires so you can't use that one, and then well, you guys will make more money. And then they're they're being kicked back to guarantee the kickback is and it's all sponsored, right, is Let's say let's say Dodge, if you buy a Dodge,

they come with let's say good Year Eagle gts on them. Right, You're like, oh, hey, my new car came with good tires. That's because that's because they pay Dodge to use their tires or they give Dodge an incredible because they know that when the tire goes flat, I gotta buy another good Year. I gotta buy another good Year. Right exactly now, I know already you're already christened into their little racket. Right. The only time I'm gonna you're not gonna deviate from that, like, no, no, no,

I need a good Year. It's gotta match the other three. Right. The only way that you get out of that that cycle is if you buy two tires and you have a front wheel or a rear wheel drive car, then you can put the two new Talk tires that aren't good Year on the you know, on the drive of the car, like my cause, real wheel. I could put the the other tires on the back and then eventually

change the front ones, right, but you can't. You shouldn't replace one tire that doesn't match the other tires because then they don't grab the road properly. So it's a whole big scamboni. Uh. And I just feel like a tire should be like fifty bucks, right, fifty bucks scamboni. That's a scamboni. The whole tire industry. I'm giving a big few to the tire industry. It's ridiculous. Hey, tire industry, fuck you, fuck you right, thanks for your Scamboni industry.

What's your thought? Is there any reason you could think of that a slab of rubber is a hundred and fifty bucks. No, there's no reason for it, because we know it's rubber is one of the cheapest things you could buy. Um, I'm I am totally on board with that Scamboni Brodi that is there. In fact, there is no other way. It can't be a Scamboni. Although you

know what I did wants to save five dollars. So I was getting one tire about six months ago on my car and they're like, there's a five dollar recycling charge for your old tire. I said, oh, you know what, I'm gonna keep it. I'm gonna make a yard swing for my kids. Like okay, So they gave me the tire. I saved the five bucks, and then I dumped it in the garbage at another tire dealership that had a mountain of tires. I just threw my tire on their

on their pile. Everybody listening should go out and when they need a new tire, buy a different tire from a different company. Every time. Well, yeah, I can hand Cook on the top on the on the left passenger side, and then you go for a Midas on the back right Continental and the hold on, hold on my Okay. First of all, that's a terrible idea because cars will slide all over the road. I just explained that. Second

of all, I don't know. I think you should hand in your man card because you're trying to name four tires. Right Like if you had called into a morning show and they said, hey, call up one hundred, hold on, hold on, hold on. If they said, hey, scary Jones, name four tire companies for a thousand dollars, you said, Handcook and then Midas. The second tire company you mentioned is a company that fixed breaks breaks mightus doesn't make tires. No,

they don't make tires. Mike Handcooks makes tires, and so does Michelin, and so does Continental. Okay, but you have yourself. But you're out after two because we got to name the other ones. Wait, mics doesn't make tires. Hold on, here's what you did that the mids touched what happened to that ship? That's how well they fix your brakes? And you're in your shop. Minus makes tires. Oh you're

you're digging a big hole, my friend. Uh name four brands of tires, Goodyear, Panasonic, Sam Song, hold On, Yes, Midas going to there. Yeah, Midus tires for sale. No, they sell tires, but they're not their own. No Midas brand. There has to be have I not seen that on a freaking car. No, you haven't, Minus brand tires. Uh, man, have had handoff your man card, hand it over. Also, Jiffy Lube doesn't sell their own brand of tires. Scary the pet boys. The pet Boys don't make their own

brand of tires. I know that, okay. Also, also, don't look for x on tires because XN doesn't make time. I thought I really did think Minus made tire whatever, dude, No, not whatever. That's a that's a major. Hey, listen, I can at least name for tire companies. I bet a lot of people can't. Okay, scary name name for football teams, the Jets and bed Bath and beyond. That's nicely what you just did? You really are? Yeah? I am oh,

I'm you know Bertie. I will say this though, and if is another reason that I should hand in my man card, I'll give you a second one, because this project is staring me straight in the face. I have I bought this little side table about four months ago. No no, no, stop it stop it is it a table from my outdoor decorator. I have a glider outside. You know what glider is? The okay? Well some people you just did. Some people that don't know a glider is. Okay,

I'm saying duff for me. First of all, if you have kids, what a glider we have? We have people listening to this podcast I'm talking about that. You should probably not talking about that for those people. I'm not saying because now people are like, fuck you Brodie because I don't know what a glider is. To know what it is, and if you do, that's great, don't add us, don't tweet us. I will, I will. There are people I was I was doing for me. You said, David Brody,

do you know what a glider is? And I said, duh because as someone could say that as someone with three kids. The rocking chair long long ago was replaced by a glider. So you probably have a long rocking chair for two whatever points. It doesn't brought a bought a side table for it. You know, and I have to put it together, so it's been sitting in the box. Wouldn't you think that would be the thing to do, the perfect thing to do while hanging out in quarantine.

I got nothing but time right, build this thing right. And if you can't see the screw holes, you can bring your two D light over to light up the area when you assemble it. Don't be an asshole. That's hard for me. Duh, that's the worst ever. Du it was a Billie Eilish. Du Oh? Was it okay? Thanks? Okay, you're quoting Billy. You're quoting Billie Eilish, and you're telling me about hype House on TikTok, and yet you can't

name a tire company. Dude, your man card just put it in the shredder and him in the market for a light. Let's let's run down the list. You're two different people way, that's why this podcasts works hundreds of dollars on a light to make yourself look glamorous. You watched TikTok and you study hype houses and you know all about the hype house drama and who's dating who. You're quoting Billie Eilish songs now Hey, don't me a favorite. Sorry, let's have let's have this. Can't all be fans of

fucking grateful dead, fucking dodging, dodge fucking caravans. Wow, I'm not a fan of the grateful Dead or Dodge caravans. Thank you very much. Hey, by the way, before the podcast is over, can you do a segment where you count down the top five tampons those strings attached? Yeah, yeah, exactly, go I go. You see you putting this table together, which, by the way, I was gonna put this table together. It's been sitting here for six months. I have it.

It's in the box. It's still in this fucking box. I haven't even taken the box cutter out of my drawer to open the dance thing. But why don't you see if you can find a man to come over and do it. It just says some assembly required, and that's enough for me to put it out for eight months. The worst some was like them out. So I'm I looked at it this morning. I got up nice and earlier. It was all energetic. I'm like, oh my god, I got it eight thirties this morning. I'm gonna be productive today.

Today's the day I today's the day I put together that side table. What have I done so far? Here? It is four o'clock in the afternoon. How's that table still in the box? Haven't even opened it up yet. What would the hype house people say about that? I don't know, but they dance about it. They would dance

around it, you know what. They would make an interesting TikTok and putting it together, and they would have the perfect lightning because yeah, they brought a photographer's light right and yeah, and they could use your your sound system to record themselves doing it exactly so. And by the way, fuck you to the person that said that your mic sounds better than mine on Twitter? All right? Uh speaking of Twitter, I want to give a shout out to uh G bay as real quick his his Twitter as

germ g e r m b A easy. He tweeted me something that reminded me of my childhood growing up in Brooklyn. If you grew up in in uh in any of the boroughs, I guess there was a game we used to play, which I'm thinking of playing now. I don't have a sidewalk on my street, but it was a great inexpensive sidewalk game. That. I guess you could play by yourself now since we're all quarantined, you couldn't play against anybody. Remember Scully Scully s k U

l l Y. My grandfather used to play that. I'll go for yourself, okay, something like melting wax into bottle caps and yes, yes, yes, So you would either put glue or you'd melt crayons into bottle camps, and then you would draw on the sidewalks of New York. You have those square uh blocks right, it's all made up of They're like four by four squares on the sidewalk. So you would you would take a box of four

squares and you would use chalk. I guess you could use one square, but we'd like to make this, make it bigger, and you would put by the way, yeah google Scully s k U l O will you'll see it.

You would make chalk outlines in certain spots like a game board one through one, two, three, four or five six boxes, and you would have to flick with your Some people do with their their first finger or the middle finger, and they flicked the caps to go from box one to box two, across the board to three diagonally. Then over the four and then you have to go like you know, and then get it into the box. But you could also blast your opponents caps off the board.

This is obviously before video games or as prevalent as they are now, but it was a fun game. And and and uh and Mr Bayez asked me if I knew about it, and he's like, remember this game? So apparently you didn't play it. I guess you didn't play it. I haven't heard about it. And I know what it looks like. I guess. I guess is you inside playing with your easy bake oven at the time. But that's what the men melting into the pan for Scully. You know you were not, So what did he do? He

send you a bunch of crayons and say, hey, melts down. No, no, But he was asking me if I if I remember the game, and I told him I still have the I still have the crayons, I still the bottle caps. You know what, you know what, We're to melt the crayons into the bottle caps my high powered fucking light. It's gonna melt your face and I'm gonna laugh my ass off when you start. You want to bring you want to you want to bring Scully back, I don't want to. I wanted to give a shout out to

to to uh, to our listener who is from the hood. Oh, speaking to the hood. Can we talk about graves end. Let's save that for next segment because we still have a couple of things in the area here. I'm gonna forget all of it. All right, we have the two clips. I want to play. Well, yeah, before we do that. Yeah, what do you want to do? You still have Scully? So what I wanted to say was, why don't we bring back stop ball or or or punch ball with

the blue ball, the spall the Spalding. It was pink the Yeah, the pink Spalding or the blue ball, the blue ball you play punch ball with. I think now we use the same pink ball. You have to explain to non New Yorkers. A Spalding is how New Yorker is called Spalding. It's Spaulding, which is amazing. Yeah, but for some reason, people in Brooklyn, maybe in the other Borrows, we call them Spauldin's. But they were made by Spaulding,

like those Philly people calling it Rec's. Yeah, I don't get that anyway, So I I have since I only refer to Spauldin's when I'm referring to the old days, but they were made by Spaulding, and you would use that pink ball for a hundred different street games because in the neighborhood that's what you did. You played in

the street. So either played skiball when you played when you use like a broomstick as your baseball bat punch ball what you literally like like you play baseball, but you're standing at the home plate, right, you serve it to yourself. You just and you just start punch. You punch the ball hard and you start running right, or you play slap ball if you didn't want to punch it. What about oh box ball? We just played box ball with two cities sidewalk. Also, um, it's like it's like tennis.

Off you have played off the wall baseball? Yes, I forgot how to play. Okay, So off the wall baseball is you would have to throw the ball, uh, you know, obviously have a blank wall, and then the person you're playing against would be like let's say ten fifteen feet back from the wall, and you would stand a couple of feet from the wall and you'd throw the ball onto the ground up off the wall, and then it

would fly towards the area that you deemed was inbounds. Right, if you caught the ball off the wall as your opponent right, then you out. You got three outs. But if if the ball dropped, then however many times it bounced was how many how many bases you would get. So you would have to make a line on the wall that the ball had to go over, because otherwise you throw the ball against the low part of the wall, it would dribble, so you would that was off the

wall baseball. Again, people could actually google these games box ball, slap off the wall, baseball, stoop ball was similar. That was the stoop a stoop If you don't know, it is like when you have like five steps, not a porch, when you had a few steps leading up to your front door. Yes, and people would hang out and sit on the steps or call up the stoop, I guess

because people were stoop you know. So you would throw the ball off the steps the same thing like off to a baseball and you have to try to catch and yeah, you get all the points and then suicide asses up. One of our favorites we used to play that against a brick wall. That's scary. Explain asses up, asses up, suicide, asses up. Where you you would throw the ball at the wall and you'd catch it. Now, if you caught it on a fly, when it came off the ball, the person who threw it had to

run to the wall. Or if you try to catch it and you miss it, then you have to go run toward the wall. And then whoever picks up the ball has to beam you as hard as you can and where where do they have to hit you? Scary? And then and then if you and then every time you got hit with the ball, now if you got if you made it to the wall before the ball hit you, it's very violent game. We've made it and we were using like a blue ball or a tennis ball.

And if you made it to the wall before or you hit before it hit um, then you were fine, you were safe. But if they beat you with the ball wherever in your body, then you get a letter A. And then and then if you get you get hit again, it's S and and it's a S S E S or five three or five either as or S is And if it's spelled that out then every then you had to go stand against the wall and take your

This is terrible now that I think about it. Oh my god, you stand against the wall, bend over, and everyone got like take to take like a slap shot and just beating you in the ass of the ball. Okay, so adding to the list. Now, let me just run down the list. Two a light hype houses, Billie Eilish songs. Can't put furniture together, um oh, can't name a tire company and let other guys in the neighborhood being you in the ass. Okay, I'm good. I've painted a picture. Now,

I'm good. I'm good. Nothing wrong with that, man, whatever you're into, I'm good. Oh. Also, hit the penny? Did you ever play Hit the penny? Yes? Hit the penny? Google that one too. Yeah, you'd have to again the same ball with the same stupid ball that you had, and you had to listen. You would have the same ball for years unless it went down the sewer in Brody's neighborhood. You couldn't play the game because they kept picking the penny up and stealing it. Oh, I get

it a jew reference. Well, for the record, I grew up in scaries I grew up in Scaries neighborhood. We were in the same neighborhood and I was one of only maybe three Jewish people in the entire neighborhood was all Italian. And the reason we had the pennies for the game was that we picked them up and we had them for the game. Dumbassy left. It's the leven from a minute ago. Hey, I want to play some of these clips that's going on in the world of

of of politics, because that's where you grabbed these clips from. Well, no one of them is from politics, and one of them is from the news channel. Um, okay, So Christie Todd Whitman used to be the governor of New Jersey many years ago. She's a bright woman, and I'm not saying that what what the clip is I'm gonna play has an indication of her brightness. I'm just surprised that she said this thing. And not only did she say it, she said it twice. So in case you thought she slipped,

she she she interrupted herself and said it again. So here's a clip of Christy Todd Whitman, former governor of New Jersey. See if you can figure out what she said wrong? How we reopen and how we do this because this coronavirus doesn't care about your political boundaries. They could care less. They could care less about one state or the other, and people travel between them. So yeah, oh man, Christie Todd Whitman says, the coronavirus could care less,

could care less, could care less. It couldn't care less, thank you, Christy Todd Whitman. Now, and she's using personification though. I like that she's giving it real human thoughts and feelings. So maybe the coronavirus could care is what she's saying, because it it could care less, which means it does care. So there you go. Now this commercial, I'm gonna play

a clip from I've seen it a hundred times. It's one of those commercials they must have gotten some kind of discount rate for so whenever they have no commercials or because people aren't advertising right now because of the you know, the pandemic um, it's probably gotten a good rate, a discount rate, so it's advertising like crazy. Now. I heard the guy say this, and I'm like, oh my god, I can't believe he said that. So I got this clip you're about to hear. It's for a company. Called

the Farmer's Dog. Now, um I googled, I I searched on Twitter, and a lot of people were laughing about this commercial. But um, I wanna after this is over, I want to rip apart somebody on on Twitter who just tweeted something ridiculous. Doesn't make any sense anyway, this guy in the commercial. The whole point of the Farmer's Dog is that they have quality dog food, right, So this guy in the commercial, when you see it, I'm gonna tweet it out because somebody posted it on Twitter.

I'll tweet the link out. You can probably find it on on YouTube. The Farmer's Dog. The guy in the commercial is trying to get a point across that he knows nothing about dogs. He got a dog, and he didn't realized that better dog food was better. He just thought, you know, he's like and then I realized, wait a minute, dog food has food in it. I mean, he honestly should never be allowed near a dog. But I want you to hear the qualities and the benefits of Farmer's

Dog dog food and listen for one in particular. Go ahead, Scary. I've spent almost every minute with her sins. When I first brought her home, she was eating little brown pieces in the bag, and it was just what kind of came recommended. Just always thought dog food is dog food, and it really pieced together the dogs eat food. As soon as we brought the farmer's dog and her skin was better, she was more active, high quality poops if

I can invest in. Okay, okay, So first of all, first of all, he's like, I didn't realize dog food meant that dogs eat food. That's what he said. He's like, I didn't realize when I heard dog food that that they eat food. Well, what the hell do they eat? He just figured they eat whatever crap is in the bag. He didn't realize that they that they That falls I gotta hear again. But but then listen to what his his The last thing he says, what why this food

is good? Listen, I've spent almost every minute with her sins. When I first brought her home, she was eating little brown pieces in the bag, and it was just what kind of came recommended. Just always thought dog food is dog food, and it really pieced together. The dogs the food. As soon as we brought the farmer's dog and her skin was better, she was more active, high quality poops. I can okay, her skin was better. Her skin was better, she was more active. And then he says high quality poops,

high quality poops, high quality poops. Is he analyzing the poops under a microscope? First of all, this is this one doesn't really The quality on this one's not so great. But is he judging it on taste? I don't understand. And first of all, he's he's already established he's an idiot, right, he's already established. He didn't realize, he didn't piece together that dog food was food, that dogs eat food. And then I'm supposed to take his word on the fact

it's high quality food. And then I'm in high quality poops. I hear your dog in the background, by the way, Oh yeah, I feel I feel like they want some farmer's dog high quality poops. Now does this guy gauge his own poop? Like? Does he go, oh, I had I had Mexican food last night? Oh I had a low quality poop today? Who says that in a commercial by this dog food and your dog will have some high quality Yeah? Play it one more time please? Of course, how dumb this guy is? As when I first brought

her home. She was eating little brown pieces in the bag, and it was just what kind of came recommended. Just always thought dog food is dog food, and it really piece together. The dogs eat food. As soon as we brought the farmer's dog and her skin was better, she was more active. High quality poops. He be talking about his girlfriend. He he could be. So let me read

you some of the things on Twitter I found. Yeah, I'm only loosely paying attention, but I think I just heard the words high quality poops and a commercial the dog food. This guy wrote, there's a dog food commercial on the news that I ignore, but that line always breaks through the noise. I mean, what the fuck? Is this something dog people are concerned about? Are the poops not high quality enough? Another guy, Chris, the guy on this pet food commercial, just said his dog as high

quality poops. Of all the things for which to be a connoisseur. Um, hold on, is that a Is that a dog food advertising high quality poops? Are you kidding me? Um? Oh my god? Okay, And this person wrote, um oh, now, this girl, So everybody's writing that they hear during the news during cable news shows. This girl, she wrote, there's this commercial on Roku that they play a million times about this guy and his dog's food, how he has high quality poops. Every time he says the poop part

gets me every time. So I tweeted at her. Your correct because the commercial is not on Roku. The commercial that's where she's experiencing it. But unless it's because okay, So my question is does Roku have their own commercials? In other words, when you go to watch a show, does it make you watch an ad first? Because I have Roku and I don't think there's any commercials um that they make you watch. Yes, the answer is yes, you watch. When you watch, it's called O T T

advertising um. And when you let's say you're watching CNN, but you're experiencing it through Apple TV, you're getting different commercials on there. Um. And so she's trying to say that she she saw it on Rocu, meaning Roku delivers you commercials. You can send companies, send commercials to the bomb. No no, no, no, I get that. I get that there are commercials on Director, but they're not on the actual news show. She's watching the network carried by Roku.

It's the Roku box the same way I heart radio runs ads. Hey, the same way you're hearing this on Spotify or Apple or wherever this podcast. But I don't get in commercials that were thrown in by the actual app. But as she's saying, it was thrown in by Roku Amazon. Will you watch television through Amazon firestick? I don't remember seeing commercials from Amazon. Uh, they're just commercials yea, yeah,

but you don't know the source of those commercials. Some of them came because someone somewhere said I want to I want to advertise through Amazon Firestick, so they pay Amazon to run that commercial. Alright, Anyway, the point is high quality poops. Yes, that's it, high quality poops. Why were you about to go in on her for using the wrong language. No, I would never do that, No, no, no, no, I'm just I feel like I was going to I

should have. Maybe I already deleted the tweet. Who's to say? Okay, I can tell you the reason why that you know I know this and I'm a connoisseur is because O wait a minute, you're a connoisseur. Are you a connoisseur of high quality dog poops? Of high quality high quality poops? No? Because um, once one time I filmed a video with a high quality light. By the way, it was in

a studio. And then all of a sudden, like three days later, somebody emails me and says, hey, I was I was watching CNN and I saw your Sloman's commercial And I said what and they're like yeah. I said, I'm like, no, you didn't. I said, it's not on TV and I might gets only on the web. They're like no, They're like it was on CNN. So I marched into the sales manager's office. Uh, and I said, Hey, I'm like, are they Are they running my Sloman's commercial on like my TV thing that I did for their

web on on CNN. So then he says, yeah, there's this thing called O T T advertising where and Sloman's paid for all the commercial to go to all these other apps and things. So if they're watching it through Firestick or Amazon or Roku, they could be getting your commercials for Sloman's in the middle of Okay, all right, let me add to something you were bitching about a couple of weeks ago. What were you upset about that apps when apps update? What were you said? But what

did you just say? What did you say? Yes? You did. Now I gotta go back and listen to the podcast. What you just said? Okay, go what did you just say? Continue? Didn't say anything? Go all right? I mumbled something continue. I hate you. Okay. You were upset about apps that they constantly update, and when you go to look at the apps, what they updated? What the problem was? What

is it? They always say bugs and fixes, bugs and fixes right, But my favorite childhood cartoon growing up, he used to love watching bugs and fixes on Saturday mornings when bugs used to hit fixes over it had with an anvil. How great was that? I hate when they update apps and that's the only thing they introduced. I'm thinking, I'm getting a whole rewrite here, a new look and new colors, some new features. Nothing always bugs and fixes.

So I thought of you when I updated that one of the notepad apps on my phone, and I said, you know what, let me go see what's new about the notepad because it's really just a white notepad. You write on what could they have fixed or updated? Or what bugs? It just it opens up and you type on it, right like what could be wrong? So it says what's new last updated April? And you know what? It says optimization. Optimization that's no better than bugs and

fixes that might even be even more useless. No, now my notepad is optimized. You know what this is? Now, this notepad is the box light of notepads. That's radic optimization on the not optimization. That's it. Um oh uh can we salute another hero? Absolutely? So. We've been talking for weeks. We know you listen in order, but in case this is your first time listening, welcome aboard. We've been talking about how amazing the medical professionals are. We

we all acknowledge their heroes right now. Uh, and we can't do enough. Okay, sorry, you must be allergic to good setups anyway. So people have been texting in our morning show and I see tweets of people who want us to, you know, thank them. And a lot of them are absolutely worthy of being thanked. Um truck drivers who are delivering supplies they're away from their family for months. You know. We went down the list of people who are noble and doing a great job. Maybe not a

hero level, but definitely worthwhile. But people are getting more and more creative. We're figuring out a way that their industry should be recognized. As hero level during this pandemic. We should play hero by Mariah Carey or hero by Enrique during this segment. Okay, well, I'm gonna you know what, for next week, I'll do your You are not a hero baby. You are not a hero baby. Right, Okay, you are not a hero baby. Continue, you are just

doing your job. I'll do that for next week. That's excellent. I love me, So this person wrote. And now again, if if this person is listening, I'm sure you're doing a great job. I'm just scary. I want your opinion and the listener's opinion is this hero thank you level occupation? Again,

I'm sure you're doing a great job. But I don't want to diminish from the nurses and doctors who are the front line, and the police and the firefighters, the MS, the first responders, doctors, the nurses, the p A s R. Yeah right, Can you please acknowledge can you please acknowledge the essential workers working in the water treatment industry. Without water, we can't fight COVID. Now exactly they're doing in the water treatment? Are they keeping the COVID out of the water? Okay,

there are people. If it was a direct correlation, I understand the importance or they punching the clock and showing up every day hanging at the water treatment plant. I understand that that treating water so we can drink it. It's important. It's important every day of the year. That's the thing. It's it's non COVID time. But this guy is saying that that's more important because without water you

can't fight COVID. It's like the guy who wanted us to thank car dealerships because they're providing cars and repairing cars for essential workers. I feel like people are stretching who should be thanked in this. I just yeah, it's it's gotten out of control. You know, uh, you know you can't wash your hands without water. No. I get that if everybody's a hero, then nobody's a hero, and

that's a problem. So we have to start like sorting it out, like we're picking through garbage and was saying, okay, this is this here stuff. You guys are all heroes, you ladies, these people, this group, you you're essential, but you're not then not a hero. I think I think we need to start distinguishing, otherwise I become desensitized to who exactly is a hero. Somebody do somebody Okay, I am you realized there's somebody out there right now going well,

I do this for a living and I'm useless. No, you're not. Nobody's using You're not useless. That's been up your hero. We are not heroes, and we're not We don't want we don't want to be thanked. We don't want that badge. No, listen, if you if you laugh, and we can make you laugh during the day, we're right, that's gravy. No, we just we're just here to make you guys laugh. Or is it sauce. It's sauce because there's no meat juices in us that I think of. Well,

that's that's the big difference. Gravy speak for yourself. No, you're apparently accusing me left and right this entire podcast. Well, I think I think the listeners have formed their own opinion. Thank you for much. When I we'll do the sauce and gravy thing next week. All right, Um, did you did you see that a couple of days ago was Bad Appreciation Day? Unfortunate bad timing. So I tweeted out

happy bad Appreciation Day. Just don't appreciate them by eating them? Right, So I got a lot of funny responses, but I wanted to give a shout out to Leah, who's one of our regular UM D m R s and tweeters. Um she's a lucky mom x x x Y. She wrote, what if they're doust and catchup? See I have I have a problem with that. Now that's a tough one. So I wrote back, maybe like I might if if you give me a bat with ketchup, that would be a tough decision for me. You love Hines that much?

I love Oh. By the way, speaking of Hines, I think I told you. I tweeted out a picture of the Hinds bottle and I said it's empty. I need to go shopping. People were like, oh, you know we have Hunts in the house. Like I'm out, No, no, no, I would move, I would move it. Isn't that a Isn't that a content house on TikTok Hunts Hunt's House. Jeez, you just it's just some Yeah, that's the hype. The Hinds house. Yeah, the Hins house and the Hunt's House.

That's where all people like condiments go to come up with ideas of things to put catch up on. They're making a lot of money. By the way, if I had a TikTok video and I was looking at have a sponsor, I would definitely slip behind sketch a bottle into the dance. Of course, in fact, I may have to put the hin sketcher bottle into my elvistre in morning show video that we're gonna film for next week. I have to work that. I haven't Brodie. I'm sitting here and I'm staring at a box. Yeah, it's the

frontiture you're not putting together. No, next to that box is another box, and it's been sitting here for about three weeks now. Another box. It's a box of your fucking diet grape soda that you told me you were gonna come pick up here because you don't want it to get stolen. Side. I took it from your office chair and brought it to my apartment. I's been sitting here.

You know what I wanna do? You know, I'm gonna go put my side table together and I'm gonna open up the box and diet grape and I'm gonna put a can of diet grape on the side table. You know, I'm gonna stare at the sun and slurp down some fucking diet grape because it's now as good as mine. Maybe you want to do a Kesha cannonball video where you bring out a can of soda as your sponsor on TikTok No. I'll tell you ever gonna come by here, I will come by today or tomorrow and pick it

up at your front door. I'll text you what I'm coming over, and then it's intact. I have not I have not taken into I was waiting until my METS mask showed up because I wanted to come to your your apartment outside in the METS mask. That's really why I didn't come. Can I can I just draw at you one more app that we're talking about apps because I don't a minute a million at me. I got nothing but time because we do have to roll, but

you will roll. I have a lot of rants for next week, a lot of them, um and they're old trunk store related anyway. So I want to talk about an app in a way I save money and then I'm good for this. I'm good for this episode. Have you seen the commercial for the Calm app c A L M car? Okay, so if you haven't seen the commercial. You can look it up online. You're not gonna are you gonna rip into them because we're trying to get them as a sponsor. No, No, I think it's a

great idea. But here's my problem as a guy from Brooklyn who is used to like subway trains going out by outside my window and sirens and you know, uh, people screaming and yelling at today like there's never any quiet. Right. I watched this calm app and the app is like a soft spoken voice and then it says for thirty seconds it does nothing. Right. It's like a thirty second commercial of just like a tree and silence, and it's supposed to calm you down. Right. The app is designed

to calm you down. Maybe it's because I'm Brooklyn, right. The commercial upsets me. The commercial agitates me more than anything that it doesn't because I get so us that nothing's going on. Then I get I start to shake. The calm commercial is stressing me out? Is that is that insane? Very? I? I actually uh used it. Producer, our producer, Sam introduced it to me and it's on my phone as we speak. It helped me get to sleep. It's beautiful now. I haven't tried the app. I haven't

tried relaxing. Listen, I'd love him as a sponsor. I'm I'm not saying the app itself is probably great because I haven't been sleeping at night, all of us. And now CBD. Let's get some CBD oil and you stop it. Stop it does THHC and it's it's good. Stop it, stop it. I got some gummies. You're on the border line. You're on the border line of sponsorship. Stop it. I'm

not going to mention it. Stop it. Not mentioning this sponsor, all right, So if the if, the if, remember you you catch me every time every time I throw a client name in there, you always call me out with the jingle. The point is, if the Calm app commercial stresses you, out, tweet us and let us know. Also, speaking of tweeting, when you tweet at David Brody and at the Brooklyn Boys, you should also tweet at Scary Jones because he sees that I think quicker than he

sees at the Brooklyn Boys. So sometimes they address you and they'll say, at David Brodie at the Brooklyn Boys, Hey, Scary Brodie was right. I want to make sure you have. It's got to be at Scary Jones. I'll see that first, right, I won't see it otherwise, right, So please about me. Don't include me, don't we do? We do see the at the Brooklyn Boys, but we like check that weekly, so always include that because I helped spread the brand. But if you want Scary to see it, please include

him in that. Lastly, I found two ways to save money I wanted to share with everybody before we get out of here for the week. I always love a good way to save money now that there's no extra money to be had, and no no no gigs. Right by the way, if your company wants if your company wants to sponsor our podcast, because companies, you'll notice major companies right now, we're not doing any like live endorsements.

If you have a company that you would like us to sponsor or a product you sell on Amazon, hit us up scared, give out our email address real quick, The Brooklyn Boys Podcast at gmail dot com. I will tell you right now that for a fee that you will find relatively reasonable, you can sponsor us on episode rather and we will give you a solid amount of promotion. So email us and we will get back to you with race. I got I got a better idea, Brody. A lightbulb just went off in my head turned on.

The idea is not there is a lightbulb. It's a three way light bulb. Okay, what's your idea before I take Okay, here we go. What's your idea? Why not have our slices be our sales people earn money from home, get some new clients on the air, lead us to the money, lead us to that big money, and then we'll cut the them in on it and give them money,

give them cash a percentage. So find yourself. So let's so, let's say your uncle worked for State Farm and you've got State Farmed to advertise with us, you would get a percentage of that I got you correct? Or if you had a national like fruit drink company that you're you're can you're your next door neighbor or people someone in your life, your cousin handles handles the advertising for a major company or just or is the CEO of the company or a CMO or or or you know whatever,

and you're like, look, you listen. Think of the richest people in your life right now. If you're listening to this podcast, help us out because we we all know we all are you and me and people a lot of people listening to this. We're just we're okay, we're doing okay, but we're not. We're just getting by. Speak for yourself. I'm buyingrophog. This guy's I didn't decide. Sometimes they just happen. So so the point is, by the way, my wife, my wife, apparently me, I didn't know this.

She told my kids which one was planned and which ones weren't. Oh my god, no, yeah, we gotta talk about that next week. But next week, please write that down. The point I'm trying to have the listeners make money for themselves. So you may not own a business, you may not be, but maybe you know you have access to somebody big business. I think we've got it. Yeah, no, no no, I want to. Let's lets get them in

touch with us. If they wanted up becoming a sponsor of our podcast, we'll give them a percentage whatever they whatever that client spends with us. How about Okay, but I have to say no scamming. So if it's your company, we're not giving you a findest fee for advertising your own company that you found yourself. That's sam right, you can't do yeah, don't do that. Okay. So two ways, two ways that we saved money. Um uh okay, uh okay.

So I called my my insurance company, and UM, I told him I wasn't driving my cars because we're not we're not driving to work, right, we're not going anywhere. They're sitting in the garage. And uh, why am I paying full price for my car insurance if the cars are on on the road. They said, you're absolutely right. They gave me um fifty dollars off for each car per month, and most car companies, insurance companies, if you call them, are giving you fifteen percent off for six months.

So I got the fifteen percent off because of the pandemic and fifty dollars a month because I told him I wasn't using my car. How about that? Wow, that's great idea. You're welcome. And here's my other my other one, so Direct TV, who I love most of the time. They have so if I want to get my local sports stations, there's AE so I can get s N Y and YES Network and then they include all the regional sports networks around the country, so I also I

get MSG in New York. This I think three or four local sports channels that you pay wherever you live in the country. You probably pay that fee to get your local channels. Right, Well, there's no sports, so I pay for s n Y to watch met games and to watch the baseball shows. I know where you're going with this, so like it. So I called Direct TV and I said, you charge me nine eighty nine for sports networks. There's no sports. So they took off for last month, this month, and next month. A great way

to save money. And they will, really they will, really, they re analyze it on June one, and if there's no sports in June, I will save my ten dollars again in June. How about that? How about that? So I'm I'm teaching you how to make money with us, and then Brodie's teaching how to save money. This is amazing. This is the greatest. This is the greatest podcast ever.

Oh and by the way, a reminder, go please go back to not downloading the episodes, and if you if you're gonna listen more than once, then listen again on the app. If you download it for the first listen, no problem, but for subsequent listens. We really want to break the top ten again, and it's our it's our fall for posts. Listen, listen across every platform, Spotify, iTunes, it all goes back to her radio because they're all counts. The big bosses are really looking at podcasts right now.

And I know we waited until Saturday to put this podcast off. So whatever you guys can do to help get us a few more plays, we'd appreciate it. I'm making your money here and Brodie saving your money. People know they can trust us, and you know why they can trust us because we're from Brooklyns Boys. That's a reason not to trust us. Boys,