490 – Messengers from France

British history podcast. I'm Jamie and this is episode 490. This show is ad free due to members of the world. Thank you members for keeping the show independent. By signing up for the first time. Podcast dot com for about the price of a law tape. Thank you very much.

up already. King Henry's first Christmas court in the closing days of 1100 had felt awful. As we discussed in the last episode, Prince Louis of France was in attendance, which was actually a really big deal for the new king. But it also was politically complicated. If you recall, Louis's father, King Philip, had recently destroyed his personal reputation.

He'd abandoned Prince Louis's mother, decided he wanted to Count Fulk's wife instead and stole her, got himself excommunicated, and he was now living in basically 24-7 goblin mode. Ignoring pretty much everything except for his own personal pleasure. Philip even got a nickname over this whole situation, The Amorous, which almost sounds innocent until you know the full story. So, things in France were tense.

And I guess Prince Louis needed some space because he was spending Christmas with King Henry.

And according to Otoric, and I should note here that only Ordoric recounts this next part of the tale, so take that as you will. Well, at some point during the festivities, a messenger arrived. He had come from the French court bearing a letter carrying the seal of King Philip. King Henry took the letter and read it, because as Ordoric notes, Henry was a scholar, and so he could read. After perusing the letter, he immediately summoned his counsel while walking out of the room.

That's not good. And Prince Louis's companion, a knight by the name of William de Bouchelet, immediately took notice of. They needed to know what the hell was going on here. But at the same time, Prince Louis had a reputation to defend. He couldn't just barge into that meeting. I mean if he did, at best he would damage his honor, and at worst he'd kick off a diplomatic incident. But a night like Bouchelet?

Well, no one would be all that shocked if he, after having a bit too much Christmas cheer, just went off in search of amusement and accidentally stumbled into the wrong room. So that's exactly what he did. Taking the affect of a noble party boy, the knight staggered into the king's chambers and, with a good-natured grin, loudly greeted the king and the assorted baron. who were currently in the middle of a very tense discussion.

You see, that letter was a problem. It was from the King of France, and he was asking Henry to arrest Louis and lock him up for the rest of his life. Now, this was a ridiculous thing to ask of anyone, but it was especially strange to ask of Henry, because Henry wasn't involved in this feud at all. And if he did get involved, he could very well find himself embroiled in a war that he didn't want, or excommunicated, or both.

On top of all of that, Henry thought that this letter was really suspicious. Even in the House of Normandy, who were no strangers to intrafamily conflict, a request like this was incredibly out of pocket. On top of that, Philip wasn't exactly Mr. Political Intrigue. This guy cared about one thing and one thing only, and it wasn't politics. So while the letter had Philip's seal on it. Henry wasn't convinced that it had actually come from the king.

Especially since that messenger didn't even work for Philip. He worked for Bertrada, Philip's new wife, and she would have had access to the king's seal. So yeah. Something wasn't right here. But just in case this really was a letter from King Philip. King Henry and his council were trying to find a diplomatic way of saying, Not my monkey, not my circus, when William de Bouchelet accidentally on purposed himself into the room.

And so, rather than being angry at the knight's appearance, King Henry instead turned to Bouchelet and essentially said, Will, excellent timing. Take a look at this crazy letter I just got. Now it's supposed to be from Philip, but I suspect it's from Bertrada. Either way though, someone wants me to imprison your boss for the rest of his life. Now, Orderig doesn't give us Bouchelet's response, but from the context, whatever it was confirmed Henry's suspicion.

because Henry told the knight to casually return to his lord and tell him that they need to leave court as quickly and quietly as possible. And then, only once they were sure that no one was listening in, he was to explain to Louis what had happened. Now apparently the king was also probably feeling bad for Louis, or maybe just wanted to make a key diplomatic inroad, because he also provided the prince and his companions with gifts upon their departure.

Which was kind. But Louie was understandably a little too distracted for gratitude right about now. Because he was already on bad terms with his new stepmother, but this This was outrageous. And surely, impersonating the king and ordering the imprisonment of his son would be the final straw that would snap his dad out of all of this madness. So the prince traveled straight to his father's residence.

and told the king of how Betrada had placed him in great peril while he was in a foreign land. And King Philip responded exactly how we would expect this kind of guy to respond. He basically said, ah, come on. That doesn't sound like something Birdie would do. Just calm down and stop being so melodramatic. And while Prince Louis had been mad before, now he was furious. And apparently he was also unable to resolve this issue through the system, so he decided to seek other means.

After all, he was a prince, and he knew a bunch of knights, and Bertrata was just one woman. So why don't they just kill her? How hard could it possibly be? Well, there was a problem with You see, Bertrata knew that her scheme had failed and she'd been exposed. She probably knew about it before Louis had even returned from France, given that it was her messenger that carried the letter in the first place. But she did have backup plans. And when diplomacy fails, there's always sorcery.

Now granted, this was hundreds of years before the internet, so she couldn't just hop on Etsy and hire some witches. But that wasn't all that much of a roadblock. Because as we've discussed on the member series on magic, If you were looking for some experts on summoning, spellcraft, hexes, demons, and all manner of other magical tools, there was only one place you should go. That's right, church.

Because in the 12th century, you couldn't throw a Bible without hitting a member of the clergy who, in his downtime, was trying to phone up a demon and get it to do his homework. And I'm not kidding here at all. This really was something they were doing. So Petrata hired three enterprising men of God, and she promised them serious cash if they would kill Prince Louis. And it seems like she was flexible on the method. Spellcraft, demons, poisons, whatever's clever. Just, you know, get it done.

The clergy said they could start their incantations right away, and the whole thing shouldn't take more than nine days, which, I've got to admit, is a really quick turnaround. Now, unfortunately, these men were clergy. And in addition to having an unhealthy fascination with summoning demons, what else do we know about the clergy from this period? That's right. They were shameless gossip. And a stepmother seeking to murder the prince through witchcraft? Well, that is the good tea.

So naturally, they couldn't keep this to themselves. They had to share it with their brothers. That's only right. But it turns out that one of their brothers was a total killjoy when it came to murder for hireski. And so he reported them. And the wizard boys were arrested before they could complete their incantations. But Bertrada was not about to be deterred. Just because her contacts with Lucifer had dried up didn't mean she was out of option.

For example, there was always poison. So she reached out to people that Orderic describes as quote poison dealers, end quote. which I didn't realize was a job back then. But you learn something new every day. Anyway, so she promised the 12th century sacklers a massive payday if they pulled off the scheme. And unlike the clergy, these guys kept their mouths shut and just focused on their work. And Louie fell terribly ill, being confined to bed for days, unable to eat, and even unable to sleep.

which, from Bertrada's point of view, probably looked like excellent progress. In response, physicians from all across France were brought in, and all manner of remedies were administered. But nothing worked. The prince was dying. Eventually, a physician from the Islamic world was brought in, and the French physicians, of course, largely dismissed him.

But he was the one who finally brought Louis back from the brink of death. Because if you wanted cutting-edge medicine in the twelfth century, that's where you go. You don't go to France. However, this whole ordeal had left the prince permanently weakened. Orderic says that he was pale for the rest of his life. And while he was known for being robust and athletic in his youth, those days were gone. And soon he would become known as Louis Le Gros, meaning Louis the Fat.

But, Bertrata didn't hire the poisoners to kill Louis's chances of having a beach body. They were supposed to kill the prince dead.

And after these schemes, it wasn't going to be hard for Louis to figure out who was conspiring against him. So at this point, she was never going to be safe until he was out of the picture. So Bertrata tried again. And again. And again. Apparently, she was relentless, willing to try any scheme, no matter how small, no matter how crazy, no matter how far-fetched. And the more she failed, the more desperate and crazy her efforts became.

But Louis's guard was up. He knew what she was up to and was keeping a careful watch. And so nothing worked. And eventually, even King Philip had to acknowledge that Louis was right. Bertrada was trying to have his son killed. And once face to face with the truth, King Philip did what powerful men often do when the evidence is undeniable. He tried to buy his way out of the problem.

Yeah, he didn't want to set aside Bertrata. She was way too hot for that. So instead, he offered Louis a payday for his silence. in the form of giving Pontois and all of the Vexon to him. Now personally, I would have made a counteroffer. You can shove your lands, Dad. I want Bertrada indicted for conspiracy and attempted murder. But Louie was much more politically savvy than I am, and so he decided he would consult with the bishops and barons about what to do.

Which ultimately was just a delay tactic, or maybe an effort to make sure that everybody knew what was going on here. Because at the end of the day, I think everyone realized what kind of relationship Philip was in. And so they wisely realized that if Louis pressed the issue and made Philip choose between his son and his new hot wife, Philip would definitely pick the hot wife.

And so the bishops and the barons told the prince Ugh this sucks, but you should just take the deal, man. And that's what Louis did. Now Bertrada, for her part, had been bested, at least kind of. I mean, all of her schemes had mostly failed, and now even the king knew about it, so she didn't dare try again.

Instead, she pivoted and desperately tried to play the part of the humble, obsequious handmaid whenever the prince was around, which probably made Louis wish she'd just go back to trying to kill him, actually. And thus ends Ordric's tale of Louis and the Christmas court. It's wild, right? But as I said, this comes from Oteric and Oteric alone. So be cautious.

Though at the same time, it is possible that some of this did happen. After all, we do know that Louis's health went down rapidly, and Louis did receive a bunch of land. But even if this all was just orderic style gossip, his story about the murder plot, which was kicked off by an awkward message delivered at a Christmas party. Still tells us something of the mood in this whole era.

And what he's telling us is that norms had been shattered, and those in power were going full mask off and were suddenly showing their true colors. It was knives out. But speaking of dangerous messages.

An entirely different kind of message had just landed in Normandy, and this one was less of an overt statement and more of an implicit declaration. Ranulph Lambard, the fugitive bishop, was headed to Duke Robert's court, and his arrival had a very simple message. Let me build you a war machine. Now, given the way that his escape had played out, I imagine that Rufus' former fixer probably limped into the hall, with both hands wrapped in bloody bandages.

But honestly, even if Lambard tried to hide his wounds, there was only so much you can do when you've ripped your palms down to the bone. So I'm guessing that the absolute state of him would have caused quite the stir in court. I mean, what the hell was Henry doing to the clergy over there? Either way, though, we're told that Robert welcomed Ranolph immediately and made him his chief counselor.

And hopefully, Robert's physicians also provided the fugitive bishop with some sort of ointment or salve for the man's mangled palm. Now, Orderic insists that while other nobles have a council because, you know, they seek advice and they want good information. Well, this promotion happened because Robert was a lazy, aimless oaf, and he needed someone to guide him, like a daddy.

And I've gotta ask at this point, did these two have a bad breakup or something? Because man, Orderick has a grudge with Robert. Because personally, I suspect that Ranoff actually got this promotion because he was famous for his sharp mind and his shrewd political acumen. And even more importantly, He knew England far better than most of the other men in Robert's court. and Robert was clearly intending to press his claim on England.

He'd even sent a complaint to the new Pope about Henry over this issue. So England was very much on Robert's mind, and I think that the record makes it clear that it was guiding his decisions. including the elevation of Ranolph. In fact, it was so on his mind, it was even guiding his decisions in France.

Which brings us to another story about a messenger. And this one isn't about the French royalty basically playing a real life game of clue. Nor was it about gossip. Now, this messenger carried a question that was far more pressing and far more dangerous. It was the kind of question that can get you killed. Who is really in charge here? That's the question. And against all odds, it was a Norman garrison in Maine who asked it. Now, as you know, Normandy and Maine had been fighting for ages.

And most recently, they've been fighting because as soon as Rufus became the acting Duke of Normandy, he went straight to the Count of Maine and picked a fight. Like he did it on his very first day on the job, before Robert had even left on crusade. Which actually was also why Helias of La Fleshy was unable to go on crusade, despite wanting to. And this, as you know, kicked off a cascading series of crises, arson, and general mayhem.

Well, when we last left Count Helias, he was once again free, he had a number of castles under his control, and he still had a fair number of troops as well. And when he learned that Rufus was dead, he took those troops and surged into Lamont. And just like last time, the citizens of the city were absolutely thrilled. And he took the city without any opposition. Though, just like last time, the castle within the walls was a different matter entirely.

Do you remember Walter Son of Anger? He was still there, and just like last time, he and his garrison were holding out. So the whole thing was very groundhog day. The only difference here was that rather than Walter and his boys setting the town on fire, and Helias and his boys sniping them with arrows, this time the siege was largely peaceful. And the two forces spent most of their time just taunting each other.

Now, some of these taunts were shouted over the walls, but many of them were made in person. It's reported that Count Helius would put on a white shirt. signifying a ceasefire, and then he would march into the castle alone to meet with the garrison leaders. Because apparently Helius was a guy who believed in honor culture right down to his bones.

And then, once everyone was all together, they would talk trash for a bit. And this was such a big deal that, quote, their discourse became the admiration and delight of the people of that country in future times, end quote. Then, once this rap battle finished, the men would go back to their respective lines and report how it went, I guess.

Honestly, the whole thing sounds really fun. But it was during one of these meetings that Walter and Hammerich, the two men who were in charge of the castle, told Helius that honestly, They really weren't sure what they were supposed to do here.

I mean, naturally, they weren't gonna stop talking trash, so they added that they were pretty sure they could hold out against whatever Helius and Count Fulk, who had recently joined the siege, would throw at them, because Helius and his boys were nothing but a bunch of punch.

But, you know, they really weren't sure if they should have to hold out. After all, Rufus was the guy who put them in charge of the castle, and Rufus was dead. And now Henry and Robert were at loggerheads over who was the heir. So who were they serving? And what were their orders? No one knew. So they suggested that a messenger be sent to Henry and Robert. And then once they get a reply explaining exactly what their duties were, they could sort this whole thing out.

Helius thought this was a great idea. I mean, he'd been trying to keep the siege from turning into a slaughter right from the start. Even Orderic notes that they've been flinging taunts at each other rather than projectiles. So he agreed, and the messenger was sent.

The guy first went to Rouen, and he told Robert about the situation in Le Mans and how, if he intended to control Maine, he would need to send an army immediately. But Robert wasn't interested, and I can't blame him. This wasn't his war. This was Rufus' war. And it wasn't like Short Pants was in need of any extra problem. Right now, what Robert needed was fewer problems. Because taking England wasn't gonna be easy. So all of his attention would need to be focused on that task.

not defending his little brother's ridiculous misadventure. And so he told the messenger that no support would be coming and that he was content to be the Duke of Normandy, and if he did want to expand his lands, well the barons of England were asking him to come and take the crown. So if he was going anywhere, it would be to England, not Maine. So the garrison should stand down. Next, the messenger went to England and met with King Henry, again asking for support.

Though he also relayed what Robert had said. And I'm guessing that Henry's blood pressure spiked at the bit about how the barons of England were inviting him to take the crown. Because, as we discussed last episode, the barons were rapidly pulling away from him these days. And he was also acquiring me nicknames. And later documents provide even more detail about how bad things were going for Henry on a social level.

For example, Wace tells us that Earl William de Warren II of Surrey had gotten people to start calling Henry Stagfoot. Now, this, like the Godric Godiva thing we talked about last episode, was quite a burn, but it takes some explaining. At the heart of it is that unlike most Norman nobles, Henry could read, and he had a reputation for bookishness and general intelligence.

But Henry knew that political power is social power. So when Henry was younger, he had tried to ingratiate himself amongst his peers by showing that, you know, he was one of the boys. And so he took an interest in one of the biggest chivalric pastimes. Hunting. But Henry didn't just go hunting. No, no, no, no. Henry studied hunting.

He took it upon himself to know everything about the strategies of hunting, the methods of hunting, the theory, all of it. He said about learning everything about his prey. His attention was so intense that Earl DeWarren joked that Henry would be able to look at a stag's footprint and know how many points its antlers had. And this was not a compliment. The nobility thought Henry was dorky as hell. And so, in addition to Godric, Dwarin and others were also calling the king Stagfoot.

Subtly reminding everyone that this new king was a nerd who didn't know how to hang. Henry was even having a hard time controlling the barons and their families, even at major courtly functions. For example, according to the Lieber Eliensis, the Clare and the Gifford families, who had recently united their clans through marriage. Rolled into court with a huge group of followers, and then proceeded to bully the king's courtiers and even the king himself.

And this actually wasn't the first time that the Giffords had done this. You might recall that Walter Gifford had shown up to one of Rufus' ceremonial courts and bullied the king there, too. So yeah, the notion that his barons might be reaching out to Robert and inviting him to take the throne wasn't exactly out of the question.

So obviously, Henry had no interest in getting embroiled in a conflict over in Maine. He needed to maintain his hold on England, especially with all of these bastard barons causing him headaches. So, Henry thanked the garrison for their interest and wished them well in all of their future endeavors. And then, just so there was no hard feelings, he gave the messenger some gifts. I'm not sure what the gifts were, but I'm kind of hoping it was a fruit basket or like a medieval swag bag.

But, swag or not, the messenger eventually returned to Le Mans, and when he told the garrison and Count Helias of the nobles' responses, the two forces brokered a piece. I mean, they were never really enemies in the first place. This wasn't their fight, not really. And over the course of this conflict, they discovered that they actually had quite a lot in common. Like trash talking.

So when Walter and his men marched out of the castle, they didn't depart as enemies. Instead, they joined Helias and the people of Maine, and the two forces became friends. Because sometimes trash talking can do that. And sometimes it gives a vindictive king a name to write down. And back in England, King Godric McStagfoot was keeping a list. Actually, several lists.

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