What Is The Blueprint To Being Married?

wedding break there there. So while we were writing the book, we had discussed what I thought process was about getting engaged in being married, and Kadein had admitted that she had never really thought about the marriage. Nope, anytime, anytime I had conversations with anyone regarding marriage or the wedding, it was the wedding. It was you know what dress are you gonna get? And who's the florist? And it

was the planning of the day. At no point in time did anyone pull me aside and say, Kadein, like, once you get married, here are some things to expect. Right. You watch these Disney movies and it says happily ever after, no one sees what happens after they ride off into the sunset. Correct, But it was particularly difficult because I just did not think about or plan for what life

was going to look like after the wedding. Yeah, they have a great chapter in the book called you Know, the Marriage after the Wedding and basically, you know, it's the work that has to be done after you say I do. And I don't know if there is a blueprint to being married, like what is the work that needs to be done after one is married. I don't know if marriage is something you can gain plan for. I think, you know, with marriage, we got to remember

the fourth agreement, which is always do your best. Because I don't believe you could prepare for everything that marriage is. Go at you. No, you definitely can't prepare. And like you said, marriage is something that you consistently work on. I mean, it's so many different people. People are growing,

people are involved. You have to understand people's feelings that it's not just because y'all have been dating, but now you have to understand somebody when you go to work and you and you come home and you had a bad day, you take that energy out on your partner, how to deal with it, how to deal with everything in a relationship. So let's go to you, right, we've

been married for six years. Six years. Congratulations. You had a lot of ups and downs, public somethings have been public, y'all call for the voce sometimes and got back together. Y'all back together now. Yeah. I love Princess man, and I think that a lot of times. I mean, because I can only listen to people who's been married for twenty years or fifteen, and they they kind of gave us like the timing of when it gets rough and then you get over this year hump and then it

kind of smooths out. How long you've been married twenty two I've been married twenty fourteen. I'm not good at man, I got it. But I've been with my wife between five years. I've been with eight years, nine years. I'm doing my wife for twenty five years. I've been so around the like sixth seventh year? Was it rough? Or fifth? Fourth to fifth? Um? I mean, you guys have been married for so long and no, no, no, yes, with marriage yes, because when I got married, I hadn't let

go of a lot of my childish ways. So I was still out here in these streets, you know what I mean, doing things I ain't had no business doing you know what I mean, infidelity and all of that. So yes, yes, so yeah, So around this time, like I just felt like it, you know that I really wanted to, um, just be a good husband, but then I'm only not be a good father and a time and away from them and kids and not being there every single day, every hour. You know, did you have

a lot of insecurities? For myself, I had a lot of insecurities, and being married it kind of exposed that, Like what what do you mean, Um, my wife is beautiful, she's smart, she's intelligent, and I wouldn't had a book come out. So yeah, we had a book came out, so real life, real love. We talk about that. And at first I was scared that if she left, she might see somebody that's smarter than me, that looks better than me. That it's not hard, though, it's very hard.

It's very difficult, actually low, very hard, very difficult. It's actually very difficult trying to be serious. Serious. I'm saying, y'all making me lit because y'all like I want to get litter because y'all making me laugh. I'm trying to let's being serious. You want to joke, So what's the

work that y'all had to do in our marriages. Compromise communication, compromise communication and also yeah, communication and really it's like if you feel a certain way, express yourself about it, if you let it linger, and then nobody knows, and then it's just the attitude that's in the air, and you just what's wrong. Were you scared to express yourself? Were you scared to ask questions? At times? Yeah, it depends on the question, because there's questions you want to

ask it, but can you handle the answer? What do you have to compromise a lot of things, Just making sure that I that I stay in communication all the time, listening more, going out more, and spending time outside and inside and really just kind of like making my wife my close friend and roll and we roll together and we do everything like as far as fun together because a lot of times dudes want to go hang out with their friends and have the fun and then come

back and you got to think your girl or to do been in the house for days and you just want to come back and lay up, you're tired. Then we all got it. You had a long week, right, We've been scared of scraping a lot of different ways. You know rated you know they you actually got in divorce papers? Right? Well, yeah, well actually we both fouled. Why I fouled, she fouled. They really want that though, I think deep down we didn't. You know what I'm saying.

But a lot of times people are stubborn. I'm stubborn and and and I think it hurts to think that a lot of times. If your ego got in the way and you actually got divorced and you didn't want to, but you're how I got, that's scary. What did your friends, and you know you're very close to your mom, of course, what did your family and say during that time? I really don't go to them for that for relationship advice, but because yeah, I think that's that's dangerous, right. I

love princess, she loves me. Can't nobody tell me how to feel or what to do. They can only guide you and help you. But when they're done telling you what you what you either want to or not, you still got to go back home, right and you still got to deal with it from a man's perspective or a woman's perspective. So I just think just that one on one, tight knit nobody can come in between these walls and if we got issues, deal with them. If

we don't, then let's enjoy ourselves together. And like, what do you think about what we did? That's when it get Besides the TV show, was there, did y'all go see therapy or a therapist or was it you know, pastor preacher or somebody to be the middle person in between y'all or y'all just worked it out yourselves. We just worked it out, and I know we went we had a therapist. Like a lot of stuff we do on the show, it's still needed. Do you get what

I'm saying in the show? For me? When I watched each season, I'm like every like the first few seasons eleven hip, but I was terrible. I was embarrassed to be who I am. You were right, and I looked at myself. Nobody needed to tell me what I did. I could see it right, And so I used the show every year to either watch myself do bad or see myself enhance and upgrade. And so that's why I appreciate loving him, which is crazy because a lot of people would ever say they have been loving but I

just do because I was able to. I was able to watch my plays and then make my changes from watching myself. I'm glad, y'all beat that curse man reality TV breaking couples apart. I'm glad I'm the only one. I'm the only one getting on. But we can we have it? Can we have a bomb? To drop a ball? That's which his bomb is on Clu? So Clue has his own bomb here? Yeah? I know he always been dropping bombs. But ye, so you got you guys don't have one? Now, Clu? What do you have that sound effect?

I don't know. You don't have enough guys. You gotta get who does the who he hot? Who does that? Donkey? Oh? Real one? Really? I got a real one. I bought a real one in here and recorded it live and it was crazy, not yet old. So how did you make the donkey do it? Did you hit him like hawd? He go? Here? You know what I did? Really? I played one wish and then you put a little pinky in it. And I'm just about to say you was doing too much like that. I was trying to play out.

I would have gonna say something, but then you actually was going there, So I'm like, damn, Okay, see what happens has add this weekend like we just go all over the places. The question is eight hundred and five A five after the wedding, the marriage, that's when the marriage starts. For being married. What does the work that to be done? All right, let's talk about it when we come back. It's the breakfast Club of the morning after the wedding. You go have a good time well

after you know what, it's the breakfast Club one. What I'm saying, it's time to get it popping legally call me the breakfast Club top on morning, everybody, DJ and V Charlomagne the guy. We are the breakfast Club. Our guest host Ray J is still here, no nonsense, Ray to day, raycon Global period and if you just joined us, we were talking about the Elisis, Cadine and de Val. That book We Over Me is out right now we over we over me like we together over me by

myself that we over me? What about he and she or they? Ye? I ad I just asked a lot of questions. That's it's cool. I'm curious. So we're asking about the blueprint for marriage, right, and we got to think he talked to us. So I think that if you get premarital counseling. Preneto counseling would give you a foundation to actually build off of a lot of people don't want to subscribe to it, but it gets your mind off of the wedding and it allows you to

build with one another. And our premarrital counseling included what didn't we see growing up? What are things that we would like to carry over? What are things? And that allowed us to say, Okay, unconsciously, we may do things that we start growing up. So if I start to act out a certain way, my husband would be prepared mentally to say, Okay, that may not be her consciously doing that. That may be an unconscious thing that she's

repeating from what she started rolling up. I didn't now have a conversation with one another, so he can point it out to me and said, hey, remember we talked about this. You know this is you're starting to do X, Y and Z. Prepare me not to take it personally. So I think there's pre marital counseling, and then that a lot allows you to have a person that you can now go to two or three months later when things start to appear and creep up and I think

I think this should be. I think there should be somebody before you get married to talk to that break things down. Don't don't mind. Charlemagne and Ray laugh, but they're not laughing at you class. But I agree with you, VICKI and I agree with you. Right. But Ray looking at me like I visited of Vicky and I'm and I'm into it and I'm focuseding me look at me and see me focused and laughing, and I was like, dang,

I was so focused. And then both of y'all go to the principal's office, both principal's office right now, Vicky, not wrong though y'all would teaches nightmares. I could tell like both of y'all would teaches nightmare. And he was, no, it wasn't. I wasn't laughing. They got funny. You got funny here, Vicky. You're right, that should be pre marriage counseling that that help couples and break things down that that especially newly just don't know because there's so many

things that I didn't know about him. Sure, Charlomade, and definitely we had no no, Vicky for real, No, you right, Vicky hung up, But you know, think about premn think about premarital counseling. Even though I do agree with Vicky, you don't know what you're talking to the premarital counselor about because you haven't even encountered another of the issues that you're having your marriage, right, But the Premountain marital

counselor's life, how was her relationship? You know what I'm saying, counsel But like you're talking about a counselor without the facts of science, right, Like it's again, I don't know how their relationship is. You don't know how the doctor doctor, if he's a hard doctor, he's gonna make sure your heart works. And a marriage counselor is like, I can't and shout out to all the marriage counsel I don't

want to mess up nobody's business. But there's no scientific fact that's true, saying is right right, that's relationship, a marriage counselor, every everybody else, everybody saying it's all opinionated.

It's like saying I hate this song, but then it turns into being a hid Sometimes the marriage counselor is just dare to be a conducted though, right, like because you're already having a problem communicate referee exactly if the marriage counselors on the guy side, the girl gonna trip on the marriage councilor no, but the marriage counselor should be a referee in the middle. That's letting both sides

speak and both sides thoughts be hurt. But if one side and the marriage counselor knows that one side is right and the other one needs to work more on the right side, because then the wrong side gonna trip and say, let's get a new one that's on my side. I'm with you. If I had one wish, yeah, no doubt, no wish, take another call. But we can't. Oh, we need to drop this up. And and it's not raining today, so let's one wish is not gonna not pop off with that real rain a little X at the fake rain.

But I still gave a little edge like two fifty to do the video work. Let's work it and you made it all back that the big working gold. Yeah, yeah, no doubt. I mean the whole album Win Gold Ray is still spending one which money don't get it twisted. The whole album Win Gold. I'm at you know twe ninety nine, Oh man, Well what's gonna let that story? I have to ask some more of the story is like you know, the independent. No, it's not to be

independent when you're on the record. No marriage, you can't be independent. Get in trouble, right the trouble. You asked me, what did the record do? I said that, what's the moral of the story. Are they going to go be independent? I took overall this working y'all talking about marriage on

the radio, and you said the moral stories to be independent? No, be independent for the music because we was like we're all over the place where like the topics, it's got going into in and out of stuff, and you know, I got ray d D. The moral of the story is that you know, there is work to be done after somebody is married, and don't be afraid to do that work. That's that goes without saying like we gotta go to like your kid gotta go to school, we gotta go to work. Of course, it's work to be

done after the marriage. Yeah, the worst one y'all the couple. But first off, the work gotta be done after the ma I gotta get it in for a little while. We married, all right, when we come back, we got your room. Put it in. We just got married, so legally now we can have a good time. So let's spirit get that in for a little while and then if it's problems that pull up would deal with them. But right now, life is good. Let's live. Let's enjoy

the wedding. After the wedding, let me, let me be in it and marinating it for at least a couple of weeks. Okay, at least when we come back and got rumors were talking Wendy Williams, I don't move. It's the Breakfast Cloak morning, said Wendy Williams, coming in here. No, no, it's the Breakfast Morning, the Breakfast Club.