Should You Keep A Relationship With Your Ex’s Child?

It's topic times called eight hundred and five five five one to join into the discussion with the Breakfast.

Club morning everybody you see j n V. Charlamagne the God. We are the Breakfast Club because Jess Hilarious is here. Now, somebody emailed Jess and wanted them to fix their mess. Now, Jess, what was the email?

What was the question?

So it was it was very broad.

But basically, this girl has a boyfriend who uh uh, she does well. She has a baby father, and they

And for people who just might be lose live to the breast Club.

Roome is just his baby's father, yes, with their like brother and sisters.

Yes, it is her baby daddy.

Brother right, Yes, So I mean I really would say, once you break up with the mom, especially, that's not your child. You break up with that baby too. They only been together one year, Yeah, that's I feel. And the baby got a father, Yeah, baby has a father.

Yeah, I'm sure the woman is dating somebody else.

Yes, So not all three of us gonna be at the all three of us in the mom gonna be at the graduation. So no, once you break up with that mom, you break up with the baby, especially if it's only been a year, Like, you gotta let that baby go, that's not your child. But also in a new situation, I would look at that different. You gotta set boundaries. You just can't.

You can't.

You and your baby father can't be all cool and together and shop. Nah, like this is a new relationship. I respect what you have together, but this ain't this one big family.

And it ain't even no time a year a year like firt of all, he shouldn't even be meeting your child after the year, and how you grow a bond with a whole child and a year?

First of all, I can't hide no nigga from my child for a year grown, so you know. Yeah, But and then the little girl was like nine ten, you know, she's older so it's like, yo, all right, like she already knows her father. She spent the last year with one year with you, and yeah, you kids are very impressionable.

You're a good guy. He's good with kids and stuff, and that's cool.

But do you really know a person after the year have them aun?

And then why is your mom trying to be the dad collector? This is not what.

I'm saying.

We're not gonna do that, you know.

Let's go to the full life. Hello, who's this.

Georgia?

What's up? What's your thoughts?

Man?

I'll say, man, I don't feel like that's right, because.

When when you're in a relationship and you start something new, you don't want to bring on leugage from the path back and tend to kindle something.

You know what I'm saying, So leave that baggage. And I appreciate that y'all be breaking up with kids. Boy, y'all cold.

But she got a dad and now she got because the mom is dating someone else.

I think justice right? Three dads said dad r. Let's just say that collecting like that, like, Hello, Georgia, mama, what's your thoughts?

My thoughts are if she's entering a relationships. She does need to spend some boundaries with her baby father, but it also sounds like he's just being petty.

Yeah, and the only reason he only wants to be around the little girl is because she's around her baby father.

That's what it sounds like. Down a baby.

Yeah, don't you sound like you care about the little girl.

He just wanted to kiss off his girl for yeah.

Yeah, yeah, it sounds like that because she said he uses it as leverage.

Yeah.

Because you love somebody, you accept everything that comes with him, right. Yeah, Like if you if somebody loves Jess, you gotta accept the child. They gotta accept Roome, They gotta accept everybody.

Except room, yo, because you always make things, you gotta do it.

You gotta accept Room.

But also people gotta understand if somebody is dating somebody with a baby daddy and the baby daddy's cool. A lot of times, the baby daddy's cool because you want as close as normal the child.

My child is still under age.

That's right.

I'm gonna be here, bro, that's right because you want the child to feel comfortable. And like, no, I can call my mom, I can call my dad. My mom and dad are cool. I should come to them. Now, this new gentleman is here. I got it that he's dated my mom and I respect him. But you still want, you know, to feel as normal as possible.

Yeah, and telling you my my son loves me and his dad's relationship and he loves that.

How do you feel when other guy's come around?

I mean, I don't introduce him to everybody.

Make you seem like guy's coming around all the time.

I collect don't listen to shut up?

Hello this m what's your thoughts?

I'm sorry I couldn't hear you.

I said, what's your thoughts?

Mom?

Your dad? Collector?

Okay, so my thoughts are uh. I definitely think that after only a year and a half of stating someone that you shouldn't even have a bond with the child.

I agree.

I think a lot of problems with people that are dating that you know have children. They just introduce their kids to people too. I mean, maybe like a high in vibe maybe passed by, but an eight year old and a man like absolutely not. So he needs to win hisself off and the mom released a thing better next time, Like you wouldn't have this problem if you want.

To introduce your child before you really even knew the person.

But I kind of disagree though, Like if if a woman is dating a man, and the woman has sole custody of that child, right, So that means if a woman is dating, you know, at first to get serious, and then they start going out a lot. So when I go out a lot, what am I gonna leave my son at home?

My son?

Know, after after a while, six seven, eight months, you start taking your child with you because you want to see how that man is with your child.

So that's so.

Now I disagree with you.

I don't think that's so.

Now you go out a lot, and if that person, if you really into that person, just think about when you started dating your wife. I started dating my wife. We were around each other a lot. And if you have a child, a young child at the time that's eight nine, you're gonna be taking that child to plays and games and this and that.

Because this is not just somebody that you just hitting and missing, you know what I'm saying. This is somebody that you may not see yourself with them for the rest of your life. But it's like, all right, I mean I'm feeling you see.

What you need to. You don't feel like you're gonna be with the present for the rest of your life. You gotta get this man from time.

So why I said, I don't introduce everybody to ash, But when I feel like there's like, okay, this, this is like something and you're giving me butterflies and I'm actually talking to people about you, I do feel like there is something, you know. So when a girl gets that feeling would a long time.

So she feels like that right.

And she's she's gonna bring that. I don't think it's wrong with her introducing.

The depending on how tight that relationship.

But it's up to the guy. Yo, if it's done, it's done. After a year or a year.

And a half. Wean yourself off the baby.

I'm not saying just completely cut yourself out, but wean yourself off. It didn't even explain. So if she you that close with a look, your mom collected me. So we're done.

Question is what's the question? Breaking down again? It's a lot going on. Oh my god, should you.

Stop being cool with your and your exes family for your new man, den Bar, it's just ever gonna be able to find you happiness because room's in your life.

Shut up, man, we'll take your calls when we come back about me. It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning, more thing everybody. It's dj n V Charlamage the God we are the Breakfast Club. Jess Hilarious is here now if you just join us. We're asking eight hundred and five eight five one on five one.

What's the question? Okay, there's a lot of moving parts, so.

All right, Charlamagne, what is the question? What would you say?

I thought it was, you know, basically, should you stop being cool with your ex and you know your ex's family for your new man?

Do you cut off a child from a previous relationship going into a new relationship if it's not biologically yours?

There you go boom.

Yeah, I think you do, depending on how close you and the child does so, if you raise that child, let's say you've been with that person for eight to ten years, different saying because we're just a question, but if you ask a question, you gotta have boundaries.

You gotta explain. If it's long time and.

You raised the child, yes, I think you should still be in that child's life, but it was only a year like this situation, Yeah, I just say that'll disagreed.

I didn't disagree and be dead.

But I didn't disagree. Yes you did, I didn't. You actually did. No.

You said a year was too soon to introduce to the child. I'm like, yeah, it might not be too send.

You disagree with a car show, throw my own car show? Is that what you're gonna do?

Better?

Start with that?

Is that what you're gonna do? Well?

My call shows this Sunday, By the way, Memphis made five and under a free there's gonna be calls from young Dolph, Key Glock, fifty cent Bunpy, and myself.

If you haven't got your tickets, to get your tickets now. I can't wait to see you in Memphis. All right, Now, let's get to the fore.

Hoo Hans, Hello, who's this for making?

Hey?

Jay, talk to us. What's your thoughts?

Okay, So I got two things. First thing is, Jessica, I'm so glad you're on there this morning because you always give good insight.

Never one.

But just tell your friends that he is a placeholder for him, that dude is still trying to show up for the head and hope that she'll see oh he did. He's that type of father to somebody that's not even his that's not even his real child, and I can take him back. He's going number two and he I

Relationships and all of that.

There's levels to it. It does not mean that they are infinitely involved and there's anything going on under the table. There are levels to it. And speaking for the faith that you can't pop from because all your kids are with.

Here, correct, I can't.

I can't relate, Frank, but either.

Of y'all can't relate. But y'all also have both stepped out on your wife.

Whoa whoa, whoa whoa?

What you bringing up old stuff? Both stuff?

Man? Okay, continue, I'm just saying.

I'm going to be seventeen this year. He and her dad do business together. We have not had any dealings since I was pregnant with her. It's just right this year.

That's right.

There's a mutual respect and understanding that I have for his relationships and situations and that he has for mine as well. But we we do not our, We don't fight, We don't do any of that.

What does your new man think about it?

He don't have a problem with it because they've been introduced. They we spend time together on holidays, all day. It's no problem. If you create any man that is creating drama and bringing that into my face, my energy, my family, she wouldn't be there anyway.

That's right, that's right now. I agree with everything she said.

I'm gonna tell you something that's interesting.

There's been such a negative narrative around baby Mama's and baby daddy that we always expect it to be drama.

So when I see situations like justin Rome and how.

They co parents as well, I didn't know it was so many people out here cole parenting so well.

But co parenting is not the problem. I don't anybody you have to co parent. That's not the problem. The problem is when cordial cold parents, like actually being friends.

That's that's not the problem.

The problem is when I feel like they cross the lines, right, And sometimes I feel like people cross the lines in that situation, Like with the individual that you said, I feel like he's crossing the lines, meaning they've only been together a short period of time.

There's no reason to still be in that child's life like that.

That child has a father, that child has a new boyfriend that the mom has, So it's to the point now where there's no reason to be this.

It's just what makes sense. Yeah, you know, in my opinion.

And then also, we're not talking about me girl from making Georgia, you sure, yeah, because you see how she personalized. She was like, just so tell your friend that you and your baby father, like y'all.

Do sound personal And when you were describing it, you were saying.

My mask, I told you people write me all the time.

Slipping up said, I wrote myself, and I told myself.

And slipping up first, I didn't know you stepped out. What's what happened with you in the marriage? Okay, thank you, I'm moving on this. Yeah, yeah, we know about one personalitation?

What about yours? Did you write that in the little book? I did? Shook it th one? What's the marl of the story?

The moral of the story.

Don't don't use no damn leverage. The moral of the story is, look everything you do not bring. And then it's kind of hard to say, don't bring baggage from other relationships, because I'm not trying to say anyone's child is baggage.

My thing is, I would never say that. The thing is you have to. It's so. It's because I'm so conflicted on it.

It's like you have to be open enough to bring all the facts before you get into enough relationship.

This is what I had going on here.

It's gonna be hard breaking his bumb with this little girl, but you gotta be willing to try to do that, you know what I'm saying.

Let's say that the situation was with you, right, and you met a new man you loved, but he just he felt uncomfortable. He felt that you and Rome were too close with each other. Y'all spoke too much because you were in a relationship.

Y'all didn't.

No, I'm never gonna cut Rome.

But let's say you wanted to set boundaries to make sure he was comfortable.

I do get that. Look it happened. It happened before.

Rome used to call me anytime of the night, and I used to answer any time of the night.

You know what I mean.

You used to have a real bad drinking problem, fall asleep behind the wheel. This ain't nothing to everybody, don't know, but like, you know what I mean. So I would go get him. I would since somebody get any thing. But I was also enabling him a lot and then just too accessible for him, which also like spoiled them a lot. So I did set boundaries myself. And even it was a guy that was like, yo, this calling he was one o'clock in the morning.

I mean me and you in bed at one o'clock in the morning and you pick him up. I'm a feeling the way.

No, I never did that, but that's when I did set the boundaries. When this guy did say, yo, this, this is a lot, and I'm like, all right, you're right.

So no, Rome, don't.

Call me at de nine, don't call me after that. Even when you call me about advice, I would say, just kind of lay off. I'm talking to this guy and like it's like this, we you do cross boundaries and I'll let you allow you so it's not all your fault.

But we got we gotta chill.

I understand what the thing. But if Room need help, like you know, he don't want to.

I have to, like you come with me if you want.

You know what I mean.

But like that's my friend, that's my family, just like it's different.

The new Man.

Don't understand that.

You got to build a wall.

Build a wall between the new Man and the baby Daddy.

Don't don't do it. Justice, let me just let it go. Sad bound Bi, what are you just taking about?

Jess got you all?

Just let it go.

Justice, look at what Jess with the mess is up next? We got some room, miss, Yeah, we got some rooms.

We'll get to it. Nexus. Just justice, don't even just liter me. Yeah, we'll be back at the breakfast club. Good morning,