Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebine, a space where no question is off limits and storylines become lifelines. The views shared by our guests are meant to inform, entertain and empower. From the laughs to the lessons. Just remember, tough times don't last, but professional home girls do enjoy the show.
What's up, y'all? I hope all is cute? Ishagara Ebinez here and welcome back to Pretty Private Now. This week on the show, I had the absolute pleasure of sitting down with DL Whisper, someone who's shed in light on
conversations most people are too afraid to have. Now, in part one of our conversations, we dive into his personal journey with DL men and how those experiences led him to create a platform that not only informs, but also challenges the way we think about DL culture, black relationships, and taboo topics within our community. So get ready, because my conversation with d L Whisper starts now. All right, to my guests, thank you so much for being a guest.
I'm pretty Private. How are you doing. How you feeling?
Yeah, I'm feeling great. It's Sunday, it's early, this is my rome time, early in the morning. So I feel great.
Yeah, shah, he got me recording on a Sunday on the Lord's Day. I said, I know that's right. Well, for those who may not know, I love your work. I discover you on one of my favorite YouTubers, Storm and Row shout out to him, and I was just so intrigued with what you're doing because I feel like you're literally doing God's work and being very informative, very helpful, very insightful, and I can only imagine the flag that
you do receive from certain people. But before we start, can you please let people know what is a download men?
So a download man is the man that either has been with men, has desires to be women or I mean essentially, either he wants to be with men or he has been with men and he's secretly doing it, but he's keeping this heterosexual identity. So essentially dating women, marrying women, but sleeping with men secretly. That's the cutting draw difference.
Right, So would you say there's a difference between a download man and a closet man because I feel like it's a very thin line.
Right.
I just made a video about that because I feel like it's semantics technically, and I hate semantics. So I know people are like, oh, I respect the closeted man, but I'm like, it's technically the same thing. Like the only difference is we assume a closetive man isn't pursuing women and that they're just only pursuing men. But people just don't know about their sexuality. But I don't know many closetive men, because that's the street is gay people with paul it.
But exactly That's how I was like, let me ask this question because I feel like the line is very thin between the two.
To me, it's the same, but people are Samani, so I just let them they want to use it. Because even the whole gay and by like men are either gay or they're straight. I don't do by like. It's just keep it cut and dry, like I don't like the semantics of it all.
We both on all fours.
Yeah, So, because a lot of people have been asking, like, what's the difference, So I'm just like, I don't really talk about it because there's really no difference because regardless, you're not going to know if a man is if he's sleeping with women, or if you think that he's straight, you're not going to know he's secretly with men, regardless of if he's closeted ordel. So they both do the same thing. It's just one where so mean is not is not affecting women.
Yeah, so what inspire you to start helping women detect men who identify as or who are downlaw Because I was reading listen to your videos and stuff, and I'm like, wow, like you've been doing this for a very long time.
Yeah, So what originally inspired me, I guess you could say is because Okay, when I like, I always tell people I was never with download men as like you see some people do it for like competition. I guess you could say, I don't approach men, So if a man approached me, I was never going to assume he was download This is where that closeted comes into waiting. I'm assume you're closeted, but then I find out you're into women, and all it is. Now I know that
you're download so it makes it a lot different. And I wasn't too privy about the dating, so I didn't look at it as a bad thing. When men told me that they were down load, It's like, okay, that's your sexuality that has nothing to do with me. So by me not really knowing what download was, throughout dating, I you know, I learned what it was, and I learned the way that they moved and like I always tell people, like, there was instances where my life was almost taken, so where my life was almost.
Pack yeah, oh wow, So I was listening to that video. We don't have to say the name. But did you try to like confront him or.
I tried to leave him actually because I had essentially, you know, after a couple of years, I'm okay, are we getting married? At this point, It's like it's been five years, Like what are we doing yet? What we're doing? So he was like, we're never gonna get married, like his parents were going through a divorce. It was a lot of stuff. So for me, I'm done. But then, you know how it was a month later, it was late at night, we was texting. I let him come over.
Shit didn't go how I needed to go, and he couldn't get hard. Like so when he couldn't get hard, I'm like, well, this is a sign from God that we're not even supposed to be right here, right now, right not get hard?
Aside from god cha.
So I was trying to. I was just telling him like, well, this is a sign, and he just couldn't you know. And then I was growing on social media. So he had built this paranoia in his head that somehow when we are completely done, since I was leaving him, that I was going to go do story times and you know, exposed him, right, I told him after five years, don't you think after so many things that had happened, if I was going to expose you, I would have done that.
But see that's when I realized like their paranoia had it had nothing to do what they had with him thinking that his secret could even be exposed because I knew his secret, and not with you because usually you don't see gay me and leaving the DL man. So even me doing that was like a big like oh wow, like you're leaving me, Like yo, like I'm done I started.
So how did it end.
With all of that? Like he tried to you know, kill me. He ended up going to jail. I ended up exposing him against the police wishes, and then I got dogs. Then that that was the end. I never saw him again. We had one conversation since besides him boxing me. But that was it because once we get physical and then, like I know people when they hear like, oh, he tried to save my life, like I'm not playing like when I take knives, candles biting, like just none
stopped fighting for like thirty minutes. And if you're from Atlanta or you living, it's taking Atlanta police forever to get somewhere, like if I want to if I like I always tell people, if I couldn't have defended myself, I wouldn't even be And when the police got there, they're like, don't expose him, like you don't know what that's gonna do to his mental life.
Well, the police was encouraging not to expose him.
Yo, They was encouraging me to essentially allow him to do all of which he did to me because they only took him to jail because I pressed the issue, Like they weren't even gonna take him to jail. He was driving with no license, DUIs all of this. Then they didn't give a vote. He had stole my wallet, my iPad, all of this, Like they're arresting him and they're taking out all of my shit and they're like, oh,
because they thought I was lying, they didn't believe. From that point, I was like, okay, because I had never been in a situation with the police and a deal man. And then I realized like this wasn't what I thought. Yeah, and then that's when I'm like, okay. Even as far as the women, like, you know, I had a dal gut that I was talking to me and his baby
mamas kept getting in to it and stuff. So I was like, you know, for me, I wanted to help women because I was, like I said, I was a little bit younger, so I was more so deefing with them, like we're going back and forth. Whereas like I always tell the DL dudes now because I still talk to some of them just you know, because meh, but I'll be letting them know I should have went against you,
not have been beefing with women. Even though women were beefing with me, like they were approaching me, but I still should have thought, like, maybe I should team up with them because the man.
Is been their own because essentially he's playing us.
Both, thank you, And it wasn't that's always I didn't be with so many women about men that well they beef with me. But it's the fact that people be surprised because they'll think that when women hear that their man is ll that that's it. And it's like, you know, a lot of them don't leave. They'll just just like they'll be for the women they're gonna be with that gay boy.
Which I am so surprised that in twenty twenty five we are still going through this. I know, like, it's very shocking to me.
I'll see why though, why they want somebody people don't know how to go. And I was like that too, So I was willing to accept literally anything, because like I always tell my family, like it played into how I was raised. Let's always tell people how people are raised playing such a big part in who they become.
So once I started going to therapy and realizing a lot of my toxic traits, that that made me not even going to be with del man because it made me realize, like their whole existence is a lot, it's a lot like there there, everything is victimalized. And then once I saw when I came to everybody with what happened to me, and I saw everybody's reaction, I was just like a little shocked because people didn't have sympathy, not that I wanted it, but it was like he
became the victim. Mm. They become the victims. And I'm just like, are people like I understand it's not okay to expose somebody's sexuality, but the things that.
They do but also don't force my hand.
That's why I say, like, if you would have never attacked me, you would have never got exposed. And then from there when somebody tried to save your life, and that's the serious matter. So like I always tell people, I should have got off social media, but I had my mental breakdown that I was gonna have regardless, I had it on social media, which is how all of these other men got exposed because I was pierced, like you know, because some of them were reaching out blaming
me too. So I'm just like everybody blaming me for actions that somebody else done. Like at the end of the day, I can't make somebody attack me and try to kill me.
Yeah, And how were you raised? Cause I think you make that's a really good point. I always say that childhood makes a break your adulthood.
So I was raised like split like when I was with my mother, very toxic, but when I was with my great grandmother, very Christian, very like I feel like I contribute most of my personality and the good part sent me to my great grandmother.
But my mom always have an old soul.
They're like, I'm always toxic. So that's always tell people like that toxicness is in there because me, my mom was very, very toxic. And like I always tell people, it was this one do dude, and he the one who made me even realize to start self reflecting it because he wasn't a bad person, and I guess you don't say he was posted, but you know, I kind of treated him terribly and that was the first time I ever got cut off by anybody. So it made
me start reflecting that. I realized, like, the way that you're treating people, this is not love. But I thought it was love because like like I said, oh, people on from you'll get cussed out, be everything, and then you're okay. Yeah, you'll fight because scream, say some of the most hateful ship and then you're okay.
But that's how that's how I grew up.
Yeah, but that's toxic, right some people. I was with a man that had never got cussed out, his mama, had never coasted to him, so when I'm cussing him out, calling him all types of bitches and he couldn't take it, and.
I'm just like, who are you talking to to me?
This just to love? Like I mean, when you get mad, you say ship sometimes that I had to realize that's that's not love, you know, so that's always say like it was a combination. That's why I never I'm not mad at THEO man because they helped me likelearn a lot about myself in the world in general. Because I know we can't say no names, but maybe when we're not recording, I'll tell you some stories. But the amount
of men that are DL is crazy celebrity wise. Yeah, oh yeah, And people always think I'm like, I like Atlanta. Now that's how I said, I'll tell you so we'll talk about that after. But yo, that's why I'm like, I had TV shows in college all of this, so the DM thing has always been something that you know, I've been you know, kind of trying to help people with because with the TV shows that was going to
help people, but a DL man stopped. So, you know, so when I realized, like, Okay, I don't really need a TV show or I don't need other platforms or other people to help me spread this information. I can just literally record a video. So once I really got into that and I finally decided like I didn't care what my job thought because I've always worked in public education, so you know, working at it.
You definitely give me educated like you pull out them notes and you get to teach it. I just know that's right.
But you know this one because this is part of why I off my job because this is too controversial. Yeah I knew that's why I wasn't associating my name with it, but once I got thoughts again and people associated it to my name, I didn't really have a choice, so yeah, I go with it. And that's why I was like, for me, it just made me realize, like, this is what I'm supposed to be doing because this had nothing. I was the best at my job. Nobody else could do financial head and still can't do it
how I do it. But it's the fact that this right here me helping women. And think about it, I worked with all black women managed by black women, and they were the ones who got rid of me because of this type of content. And I'm just like you would have thought they would have been more appreciative because I'm literally just trying to help women in.
General, and what does this have to do with mine? Nine to five?
Right? Well, they said they didn't want this to reflect on them, because again it makes sense like people coming up at the school, like, you know, they I got it. That's why I was like for a long time, I didn't really help women publicly, like I've always helped my friends.
Like if they send me a dude, do you think he gave, I'm gonna let them know, Like you baby daddy doing some questionable stuff, I'm gonna let you know like I've always That's why I say, like, essentially now I'm just giving women on the internet the same advice that I give women in my everyday life, like my best friends, than my acquaintances and just women because I mean, like I always say, I've never been the type of gay guy that felt like in competition with women, hated
women because for me, you know, I was about to say, because it's a lot of women that feel like they go through that, but I'm like, I know that only man and I know that you're a woman. If a man he doesn't want me for the reasons that he wants you, so there's no competition. Ever, you're complete different things. So I feel like with knowing that it was never because a lot of gay men have women mentalities where everybody is all competition, Like he didn't weigh everybody in
this fight. It's just the one started because I mean, they could never compete with women. But you can't feel with some of them that.
What's up, y'all? It's Chagara Embna here and be sure to follow me on Instagram and TikTok at pretty private podcasts and don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel at the Professional Homegirl. Now let's get back to the show. Listen quick story time. So I was in Paris, right, I want to go see Beyonce perform, and I met this guy through a friend that was with me, and come to find out he was gay. I feel like this was the Nigga version of me, like for real,
like we had such a good time. So it was another guy that we noticed this in the same rooms with us whatever, and I feel like he was like maybe not on the DL but probably just not fully out. And the only reason why I said this is because when he saw me. When I tell you he was staring at me, and I ain't gonna lie. The nigga was fine, So I'm like, is he gay or does
he like me? Or you know what I'm saying. So eventually we went to some other spots or whatever, and it was predominantly where you know the girls was at. And I see him with a nigga, so I'm like, and he saw me, so I can tell he got a little uncomfortable. But I was like, no, I'd be cool to snap because I'm like, shit, everybody want this nigga because he was fine. And so I was telling my homeboy and he was like, because the guy ended up following me on Instagram, so I follow him back whatever,
and I was telling my homeboy. He was like, well send me his page, and he's like I made the best bitch win. And I was like, child, But it's so true what you're saying that, like a lot of these men, like I could just tell how tense he got, like every time he would see me with our mutual friends, like he would not be comfortable. But when I walk away and I watch him from like, you know, him not knowing, I'm like, look at this nigga. I'm like boy, just be cray. It's twenty twenty.
Five and it's all in there here for the most part. That's what they don't get. They think everybody is just judging them, which a lot of them know that. Now a lot of them also know a woman isn't going to want them if she knows that he's in man, So a lot of them have an attraction for women. Like I mean, listen, I like, I always tell people I wouldn't be with a woman, but I can look
at a woman and find a woman attractor. So they are going to be men that are going to go further than that, and they still might not want to be with a woman. And some dl men actually wants to be with women, but they just have these secret little kinks for men. So that's always kind of got to know where you're at with a man, because I mean, is any man in straights? I think that's kind of like a defect at this point. If a man is straight, it's defective because we're are the straight men well maybe
not online. Let me be clear, there are straight men very small it's the very small percentage.
Because I can find no man child or no man ain't found me. Would you make a good point because I had a conversation with this with one of my other guests and her stories with finding out that her husband was on the d L and I think he had as and she lived in Atlanta, right, and she was saying how she don't believe that no man is straight.
Well in Atlanta, Now that's one of the capitals. If you're in Houston, Atlanta, New York, Miami, New York.
I'm in New York.
Okay, I hope you're not in like none of the Burroughs. They're none of the Burrows.
No, you think all of them.
Gay, don't and don't let them be Puerto Rican.
Come on, I know about the poppies now.
But listen, who do you think like the poppies? The niggas? The niggas? I know, that's all. I'm like. If it's a bunch of them, and it's a bunch of niggas somewhere, you gotta start watching. That's why I told women about the app store going because I mean, at this point, these DM men are so lazy that of course they're going to go to an app and just get on here person two hundred feet away, Bratlorer, It's easy so.
You didn't think that the white man's where is that I really want to be with a nigga.
But I think you'll have more transparency with a white man. But I think I always tell women like I wouldn't at this point in time, I would not put all of my eggs and especially one basket. But especially not just black men, you know, because I think that the amount of Black men that have not been conquered by white supremacy and all of the other bullshit that has been thrown at our community, I think that they're already taken for starters, and it's such a small number that
you're gonna be picking for needles in a haystack. So it's like open it up because a lot of other men will appreciate. I mean, I think in general, a straight man isn't gonna be so concerned about race. But they're also not gonna be self hating. So let's make that clear. Because it's like always look people about intiracial dating. You just top to weed out those people, Like if you meet a black man that doesn't tate black women, big red flag. If you meet a white yeah, black
think you you came from somebody. But how can you not like self hating people. That's the prerecordit for a man to be deals. So as long as you're those men, a white man that oh I don't date white women, I only want black women. Okay, so you have a fetish, Okay, cool, if you're cool with being a fetish. Let's always tell people just know what you're getting yourself into when you're dating certain ethnic groups, because you have to know.
How that's a fact. Do you think that some of these men are addicted to living a double life?
Are they addicted or can they just get away with it easily? I'm not even gonna. I do think some of them are, but I think it's more so I ain't and I don't give them no excuses. But it's like a society thing because even though, like I tell people, I know plenty of people like sports players, let's let's do sports specifically that if the world was to find out there dyl they're off of the team, like they
will never play again if it's confirmed. Now, if it's just a rumor and it's no proof or nothing there, but I feel like society just do it does demonize people that are not straight in certain positions. So let's always stay like, you have to know what type of man you're dating. If you're dating a man that like, if you're dating a coach, I coaches need a wife and kids to make that whole esthetic work, like you know, the image work. So you have to know which type
of man. Like when you're in these music industries, podcast, anything with fine arts or the media, you need a lot of men that are gonna need beards. They're gonna know.
That's so crazy that you said that. Because one of my homeboys, he works in the industry, and he was like, girl, he said, you ain't gonna get no man in this industry. He was like, in you and media, he said, either they gay or horse. He was like, you're not gonna find anybody. And I was like, for real, he was like, and that's who was telling me, Like, you might as well just get your white man I see you, or get a other Indian man. He was like, because you
ain't gonna get no nigga. All these niggas are either gay or they nasty.
Because, especially for black men, because we are the apendey of masculinity, a lot of them when they're getting to these heights they have they're having and I hate to bring race into it, but I have to. They're having to go through these white men that are going to make them do things that are humiliating, the meaning that makes them hate themselves because the whole, the whole objective is for black men, especially to not feel good about themselves,
like all of this. Look what that repression is like. Look how you always see where the athlete gets with that white woman and then look what always end up happening.
Yeah, but back to slavery. That's how they used to break the household down. They break the man down. Right, Come on, now, one thing about professional homegirls. We know something. Now you break the man down, and once he break the man down, then everybody else in the household follows because the man is ahead of the household. And once you take that from a man, his dignity, that's it.
And see this is and this is the good part black women. It didn't work on black women because I feel like they what happened. It worked on black men, But it made black women stronger. Let's always tell black women, like, when you're here some why they call it you stronger, that those are used to make you think that you being stronger, independent is bad, but you had to be because you couldn't depend on your men facts. They didn't want you to. They didn't want you all to be
stronger independent. But I'm like, that's what's holding the black community. Oh, it's black women. Like if black women had been conquered by men, or they let black men conquer them, the whole Black community is going to be done. It's not standing on black men. Like, think about any time there's a political movement, who's at the forefront black men or black women. Anytime there's any anything, anything is women because
black men are cowards. Yeah, child, when you go back to the racism and all of that, that's always tell people like the dh thing is so much deeper than just that, because I was like, even like when we get into the STDs that they put in this community, I was like, everything that they've done to break the black community, it's somewhat work, But what they didn't account for is that it affected their communities too.
It is exactly, and that's when it becomes a problem.
That's when it becomes a problem. And that's why now it's more so about just elitists, like they don't care now they always knew that all white people would not have the same white supremacy like the elite people of the society.
End of time. But then when those white kids start doing drugs and getting high and over those opios. Oh, it was an epidemic. It was a problem.
And that's why I say, I hate to make it so black and white, but don't get integrated for seventy five years, so we have to go back to Like if you go back, so now you're like, I mean, it started black and white. You were either white or
you were colored or move lot of them. So that's always so I'm not making it black and white, but that's where it started because like even with the LGBT, I don't ever consider myself a part of LGBC because if you look at how the LGBT community was formed, it was stormed for white people, so they didn't hate themselves. Because if you go back, so before we were colonized African people. Because the men love to bring up Africans when they want to talk about piercings and other girly
things that they're doing to beautify they stuff. But if you go back and really study, all African cultures had to or they felt like their people were too spirited where they had a male spirit, woman's spirit, Like sexuality wasn't a thing. I was like white people started putting everything into categories and everything, like think about it, like if we would have never been colonized, it would be no straight, gay or whatever. People just were people. Yeah.
Yeah, and then you also mentioned in one of your videos that you felt like the community wasn't really fucking with you.
They don't.
Oh they still don't.
Why is that using about the gay community, right?
Yeah?
Or the LB because they don't like to hear the truth. Like as you can see, like I'm not I'm not gonna say get things about people. I'm gonna just speak the truth. And they try to disconnect the DL men from the community, and like I always tell them, like DL men are literally just gay men. So I know people love to say, well they're making gay men look bad. Well this is where gay men need to say accountablit. See.
That's why I honestly thought when I started this whole process, I'm like, Okay, there's gonna be so many other people that are gonna come in and add their information.
This was not that.
Yeah, it was so much negative from and from like the trans community, the gay community, the bay community, or the buy community really don't count because they're so small. I don't even think it's no openly by men. Yeah yeah, but yeah. So they were just upset because they felt like a lot of them did tell me like they felt like I was holding up a mirror and they didn't like seeing essentially themselves and some people it was
just traumatic, and I get it. It's a traumatic experience, like for women, it's a traumatic experience for some gay men. Like it's tru that's always say like DM, men don't help anybody but themselves. So that's why I was confused on like everybody teamed up against me because they don't help nobody. Like I've never heard somebody say a do man came into their life and brought them so much joy? Have you? I like that?
That's so funny.
Yo.
One thing about this podcast, I didn't have so many different conversations because another woman who I was talking to, we were talking about her journey with her being promiscuous, and she were talking about the down low men and she was saying how she was at a party with her homeboy and her homeboy saw her friend with a nigga at Homebo was like, I know that nigga from somewhere, I don't know where. You already smil him. So she was like, well, how you know him? Because he had
just got out of jail. Come to find out, the nigga was fucking with his jail bunkie and he was like. She was like, well, we need to go tell my homegirl. So he went to go tell her. Homegirl was like, hey, like, you know, I'm not trying to be mess or anything. I'm just looking out for you. I just want you to know what your man been doing when he was
in jail. And the nigga denied it, and she believed her man obviously, but then until the jail monkey had called him and stepped to her like a woman, and she still didn't believe it. And I'm like, girl, you cannot want a man some people.
I'm telling you some people like literally, because you know, I helped women too, so I talked to so many women. I'm telling you, some women want a man that bad, like to the point that I mean it ain't even have to getting to know too much. But like I always say, these dal men are perverted, they're dding. So some women will let's just say put others at risk
to keep these men, like maybe their kids. And so because you know, like I said, I don't want to trigger nobody, but so let's always say like some women will do a lot to keep a man.
Is that particular story you're thinking about.
Yeah, But because this this one girl I was talking to essentially her man, who already she was calling me to ask, you know, is he deal, et cetera. But when we started getting into it, and she was just telling me some instances where you know, he's naked and hard in front of her daughters and he's picking the kids up hard and they're naked and just a whole whole lot of nickedness and weird, you know. But she was saying that he was telling her, well, me and
my dad done this pretty much my whole life. And I was just I was just like, you see him and his dad done it their whole life. He doesn't, he doesn't see it's something wrong here. And that's all I was Like a lot of men that urdl have
been touched and they haven't talked about it. I mean not to say that that's gonna make somebody be d ill, but I think a lot of men have went through some type of assault that they just don't talk about because they don't think that even if it's a woman that has done it, they don't want to talk about it. Let's always say like when she was telling me that, and I hear a lot of perverted stories that involve kids or animals, and like that for me be red
flags like animal. Yeah, like this girl, her Man she was doing something with horses, like she was a horse rider or you know whatever they do, whatever you call it. Dis her Man made her stop working with the horses because he thought she would fuck a horse. And I was just like, girl the beast reality, the fact that he even got that thought in his mind, the fact that he really pushed the issue, that's serious to make you start working horses. I was like, something's off there
with him. She still wants him, he doesn't really.
Want her horse.
The thing is, she flew all the way from Norway to America. He showed me some pictures. I was like, you could do so much better than him. I was like, listen, you don't know how white supremacy and how white man. I was like, you over here worried about this white man. That's the red neck and a trailer park that's doing melting fettermines with his dad, thinking you're gonna fuck a horse like I was just like, girl, you should have stayed in Norway. I'm like, you could have had any
white man. And this is what you think is like you know, I'm like, yo, you don't know the culture. And that's always telling people know the culture. She was like, I don't like Norwegian guys. Like okay, I'm like, I still.
You stillhead, thank you?
She was like, well his body like who can but.
See, this is why we gotta hold our sisters accountable, because it's like, come on, girl, you you can't be this fucking slow. Like I'm not I don't never judge anybody, but sometimes i'd be like, girl, yeah.
It's right now. I hear a lot of women that be thinking just because the man got a big dick that somehow that's supposed to mean something. It's like, it's dick paying your bills. Is dick making you feel good? Right? That come with all of these other problems, and you might endow with some fevers, some apes, and some chills,
so it's likely worth it. And I'm not saying that no it's true because I ain't he making me so mad or he's so cute, Like okay, you're gonna he's so cute into an incurable STD Like numbers, women are five times more likely to catch HIV if they're dealing with men that are sleeping with men. There's seventy eight percent more likely to have catch sti's if they do with a man that'll sleep on men. So it's like it's your number, your chances are gonna increase significantly hot.
So that's always felt them like this is not something you kind of want to play with because see me as a gay man, I know that these men don't get tested because a lot of women will be a man and they're never going to get tested together. Their man is never getting tested. He's relying on her to get tested to tell him if he got something. I would a man like that. So that's why I be saying, like I think a lot of women be oblivious because
they're like, it can never be my man. And it's like a lot of these men are like that, and they think I just be being dramatic. It's like no, because even people always say I done had so many male friends that were straight. I show me a straight man at this point, and I try not to say that out loud because I still have some male friends that I am presuming or straight that haven't tried to house it with me yet. But again, show me a straight man, because I don't know man that are one
hundred percent straight. That's all. When people ask me like, what you what is a straight man?
Like?
Tell us who you think is straight? I have to think really hard. The only person that almost that has me somewhere convinced this Terrence Howard. And I mean because of what, you know, what happened recently when they were trying to get him to play Marvin Gaye.
And how do you feel about that?
I saw, okay, boom, this goes back into the white people. Instead of getting a gay man to play Marvin Gaye, since you know there's gonna be gay scenes, you want to see the fantasy of a straight man, and they want to break that straight man down because imagine if he kissing a man at doing all of this on screen, what is that gonna do to his masculinity or even though it's already probably fragile, it's gonna break you're And they were just trying to do that because he they
know that he's straight. Like he said about his empire Rold that was really hit like how he felt. And I'm not mad at him be homophobic. I mean, I don't know, like me, be what you want to be. I mean, I think those straight men are going to be a little bit homophobic because I mean, I'm sure they can't file them the gay shit. I wouldn't expect them who they're not gay, So what it is like
it's ignorance. Ultimately, homophobia is just again some man, like it's just ignorance, like they just don't understand that they don't and they shouldn't they're not gay. But I feel like, again it's always gonna be that those type of things that happen, Like think about it every black man, especially
that we hear about getting into the industry. Oh, I had to put on the drift or I had to do this, so I had to do that something that would compromise their masculinity and that they didn't want to do. Like even with will Smill Seven Degrees of Power, he was gay at telling that that movie though, because a lot of people don't know that movie, so they don't know when they when they be forced to do this type of stuff and it really beat them though, because we don't have to talk on bline because.
This too is too I'm just saying, but do you think he's gay?
Yes? Are you you? You are you? Are you?
Have you?
Okay, it's no ask asked me. I'm saying, like you don't have you?
I mean, do you.
I don't keep up with him all the way, but even from the like the stuff, because when I was doing research on him, because you know, people asked me to look into people, all of them videos he got kissing his son in the mouth done. I was done with it, Like all is too much, that movie, all in the videos kissing his son in the mouth, all of that stuff with August Austina became a little blurry on. If August I've seen it was.
There, I wouldn't know you could. That's not because I wasn't expecting August to be gay. That took me. That was a wild card. Yeah, I mean I see now looking back, but when we first was introduced to him, like I don't know, it's just I didn't.
See it that he's in the industry. Think of like really.
Everybody in the industry is gay.
Okay, I want you to tell me somebody in the industry that you think is straight, and then we're gonna see just just throw out a name that you think of a straight man that you think is in the industry. Have you I've done a video on him. If you're going my YouTube that that's the last person I'm going
to think it straight. When you look into all of this stuff, to all of these other men that that football player man that he was living with his perversion, he literally feels all of the boxes out to be a deal man. And like I said, when you do all of your research, I don't think he's straight at all. Like I honestly think these type of men that have a lot of status of power, he could have never kept it without having the woman that everybody essentially wants.
Let's always say you're gonna have those women that are gonna be great beards like and I'm sorry I keep saying they like you couldn't have those people. But yeah, I think he essentially became a beard because if you really pay attention, it was before they were the same age almost like underage. Like it's a lot of stuff that get kind of Murky there he been around too many people, him and Diddy. It's too many connections for me, as a person that has too much logic to think
that all of these things alies. Even if you look at some of the old interviews Wendy Williams and all of these other people from back in the day, they've been saying some of this stuff. It's just nobody was really listening. So when I started putting new facts and old facts together, it all made sense.
So who do you think is straight in the industry?
Who do I think is straight in the industry? I don't think nobody's straight because even I'm telling you they're not going to Let's just talk about this every man that you see in the industry, what is their ultimate They're all chasing money, right mm hmm, Okay, who has money and power? Who has the money in power? Though? Who are they gonna have to go through? Because even jay Z, we see that he's over the NFL. He's pretty powerful. He can get people out of jail and everything.
But what just happened to him, he got a little bit humbled for a second. To let him know, like, Okay, you're not above the program m. That's what I say, like, it's always gonna still be a white man at the top.
No black man is gonna bang the Vanguard family. If you look into it's five families that essentially operate all of the wealth in the America, and if you look at how the thirteen colonies perform from the Europeans and all of that, those families then connect back to that, like it's country is the shit that will be able
to get through. Let's always say like they're gonna have to go through, and it's never gonna work because those white men always they're going to make them do things that they might not want to do.
That's fucking crazy. That's what I believe it though, I really do believe. I do believe because even when you think of all these people who just can't pop out of nowhere and they just like they it and I'm just like wow, Like I'm like, Ebane, you can't be so hard on yourself because the game is rigged.
It's rick, thank you, It's rig because you're unless you're willing to essentially at this point in the game, unless you're willing to be like because I can just tell like you're a classy woman, you carry yourself, intelligence and grace. They don't like that. They want you to be showing these other black women that you need to be shaking your eyes and doing that bad so and tell you like, and I hate to say, but that's what they want the black community. They want women to feel like this.
I was like the amount of women that be at baddies auditions and fighting and ship Now, I was like, they want that they got sixty grade and all of these other people going to school. They want women to think that, especially Black women. That's how y'all are. It used to be a time where we would be arguing about education. I still argue about stuff like that because I'm hardly educated. People are not caring about.
That now at all.
You get used to facts the same people for doing certain shit, for not being women.
Yes. So I had a moment and I share this with my audience before where I had like experienced extreme burned out. And I've been doing this for seven years and I'm just like, yo, Like, I feel like like my show was fucking good. Like even you were telling me like your show comes from a different perspective, You're not afraid to talk about things like I feel like like we I talk about a lot of different things within our community. But you know, obviously I make it fun,
put the medicine and candy. But I'm like, damn, like I feel like I should be further ahead. But I'm like, it just feels like I need to be on a handstand popping my fucking pussy and shaking my ass because I see other people and I know comparisons a thief for joy and I'm not comparing myself to anybody, because you know, I work really hard, but I'm just like, damn, like what do I gotta do to get to the
next level? Like I feel like I should be having all these opportunities, and I just like sometimes I get break crumbs and I'm like, yo, it's not fair.
And that's and that's why I always tell people like I try to fight for women because patriarchy, whit like, it's so many things that especially Black women are Here's so many layers that you have to go through, and like you said, you should be further and you've been doing this so like I when I was watching your videos, I was asking myself why you weren't further either, But I already do the answer, because if you just even compared to the white woman that came out of nowhere
that I don't have to stay her name, what the fuck is she doing? But guess what, she's more palasable for media because, like I always tell people, if you look at media, media controls culture and society, so they want certain things. So by you being so classy and essentially they only want one Tamern Hall. Mm, they want one Tameron Hall. Like you see, Jennifer Hudson couldn't be tammering.
She had to be Jenniferson act so Dixie on her show that I don't like it because I mean, I always be laughing, but I'm like, this is not Jennifer huss Like they donned her down so much for that show.
That's why I said, as well, because I'm like Jennifer, she got to be a little bit more quicker than this like he is.
We've heard her interviews. That's not Jenniferston, that's all. It's like literally, but she's working for a company, so you know she gotta do what she gotta do right, right child.
How you ever met a download man who regret the way he was living his life?
A lot of them always say they regretted, Like I think a lot of them feel shame at some point or another. Why they disassociate from the actions because they know that they know that's just wrong. They know. That's why even all of the men that I've ever exposed, like, they never be mad at me. They always say like, I understand because they know, like, did you put me through a fucking lot? Yeah, not like that's not an easy life. Just always say like, and for me to
will willingly being it's crazy. That's why I say, like, women unwillingly being it and it take you to such a low place in life. So that's always I thought, like, Okay, I can help people avoid this because by me being from a small town and dating after I turned eighteen, cause it's always tell people they always like, well, I was messing with dollo men in high school, you were fast, you were grown. I didn't start dating until I got
to college. I need to, so it's like I started, and that's why people be like, you're too grown for this, and it's like, well, bitch, I've only been dating for a few years technically, right right, So it's like I'm still new to dating. So I had to figure shit out and I saw somebody that was probably telling me what I'm telling people in a real way and showing I probably would have just never even had to figure out all of those things from DL man or you know,
learn that. But I am glad that I had some of those experiences because DO men are everywhere. Like when I was in college, the dean of students, I'm at the dean of students getting told with a girl about a DO man, and the deena students is a DL man, which worked in my favorite because he understood what was going on because I was going against some sexual harassment.
I was up against some charges, like criminal charges because this girl had thought I was sucking her man, but really she was sucking my man, so then she it was snowball effect. But luckily and I didn't want to expose the dude. But of course once police get involved, that you're coming out of the ploset.
Yeah, because I'm not going down for you niggas.
That's what we're gonna draw the line. So that's when I started telling the truth and I'm like, do I need to get the receipts? But he was the ill so he understood why I hadn't, you know, told the girl the truth and how this situation got where it got because I would never tell the girl the truths, like we had had to sit down. I essentially just told her I didn't know her man. He wasn't her man, like he was her old man man. So it's like he technically was your man, but he's not your man
of war. So I didn't think I really owe her that, even though in reality, I'm like, had I just went ahead and told her the truth, it probably would have made the situation better. But then even when she found out the truth, she told all of these other people.
So that's not cool.
Yeah. So I was like, sometimes anytime I've ever been with a d O man and I found out he had a woman, I always go to the woman. But there has yet to be a woman that was resceptive and that didn't turn it into drama trying to fight or you know, trying to beef about a man that, like I always tell women, if he wants me you, there's no competition, just like if you want you, I don't see no competition. Like they can't be a woman who's like ping us against each other, because they'll do
that with two women too. They don't care. They just don't want them to be in the wrong. They want to take all of the attention off them. And how people arguing and beefing because that makes them feel good.
Yeah, how many men would you said that you've been with have been a download?
Oh and let me clarify something. When I say date, that does not mean fuck. People can't And I gotta say that because a lot of people want to hear that you dated a lot of men. They think so because I did used to be a sugar baby, So I am gonna includ sugar add at least like two hundred like on dates personal still have phone numbers. Some some of them are in the industry. That's why I say, like in Atlanta, I wasn't playing because if some things
people don't catch on my page. But I had this video a woman got on crip like her ex husband was like first sugar added when I got there and I was, you know, getting into college and shit. So that's always say like there's so many people that you just would never expect.
Wow, you about to have me Like these cookies are for good baby.
I mean, but Atlanta is a hot spot for guess I mean, yeah, but I do agree like women because a lot of these men, especially now that there's trans women too, they're gonna play semantics with that. Now, you ax man, you ever been with men? No, because he's he technically is gonna say no because he's only into transforming or he's only dealing with trans women.
So yeah, are you ever afraid? Like because of the work that you're doing, I mean, cause you're popping, you got a large following, you know that people feel comfortable they don't like Yeah, so like you know, and then you're you're cute, you're young, you know, you're building a life for yourself. So are you ever afraid for your safety?
Well, I guess because I mean somebody already tried to take my life. But and in general, I will say this, any nigga that's ever tried me that got his ass to be the only the only way. And niggas notice, because I'm not no little nigga. I'm six four, very like, I'll beat the fuck out of you. So the only way they're gonna if a nigga shoot me. But even when they come to shooting, and they can't even shoot,
like I didn't have to pull out a gun. So like that's always feel like people don't realize that if you think I'm gonna lay down and let you do something to me, you're crazy. And I typically live in gated communities like my my home, they can't, so you know, I like, I always tell people you're gonna do something at the effort, and you're gonna do something. You won't catch me in the club. You're not gonna catch me at too many spaces that you know. I just you know.
So I'm like, I really don't be worried. And if somebody does something to me behind this information, then that might have just been my destiny. That's talking about it. I mean, I feel like if because I'm spiritual, so I feel like if I've been protected all of this time, all of this while throughout my whole life, because a lot of shit has happened to me in my life, like the d L shit go all the way back to childhood. So I feel like if I've been protected this long, it's for reason.
Yeah yeah, listen, I told you.
Yeah, So that's why I And that's how I be feeling like I'm doing because I'm happy about it too. Like I like helping people. I like educating people, and I'm like, tell, this topic is so important because a lot of people either a don't know much and women don't be suspecting it.
Yeah.
People always like, well, you think every man is del or not. I'm sorry to cut you off, but I just want I don't think every man is the ill. But when people have to realize a lot of these men are terrible people. That's why I was like, my process, even if your man is not DL by everything that I tell you, if he does all of the shit that I say, he's the horrible person. So he's at quite easily old man. So you shouldn't be with him
regardless because if he's acting like them, you probably don't. Yeah.
No, that's a fact. That's a fact. So let's talk about some behavioral patterns and personality traits. What are some personality traits that you observe and download men?
Okay, so first narcissism, which again let me let me clarify, because I mean a lot of men are narcissistic. So, like I always tell women, every DL man is a narcissist, but not all narcissists men are deal because to me, I mean there's a lot of men that are narcissistic. But right after that they have to be misogynistic. And like I always tell, women gave me misogyny. Even some women have internalizes, so you know misogyny. You know when you can tell when a man hates women, he's gonna
always put them down. He's never gonna have anything good to say, he's gonna make hate these generalizations women don't want nothing but money from men, or all women ain't shit, or you know those type of men. And then impulsivity. Those are the top three because the impulses, that's what
getting them in trouble. A lot of d O men they'll not act on their impulses for time periods, but they always have that time where they slip and I got to go either sleep with a man or a trans woman, or you're at a bowpouse, or you're doing something solatious and it might be eight months before you do something else. But those imposts always come back, and they can't control, like control his imposts because being impostive, that gets literally that the word in itself, like the
definition of impostive. So you know that's the big problem because they're so indecisive. And again when they want something and men usually are just sexual preachers. So I always say men pick all of their friends everything. Most men do everything based off of attraction. So you got to put them in the right circumstances and they'll go yeah.
And when it comes to the behavioral patterns, I thought you you was on point with us, because I agree anger is a reflection of self hate. If a nigga's always fucking angry something they right, right, or he want.
That princess treatment, or he's angry because you're not treating him like or you know, because I always say, like, no straight man is going to sit around and want a woman to take care of him. No, No, he's not going to be mad that you won't send him money for lunch and surprised. Right, So let's always say like some of these personalities like that should be obvious. But the narcissists, the impulsivity, and the misogyny, because when you put all of those things together again, and that
helps make a dyl man. Because if you hate women, you can't control your imposts and you think that the world falls around you and that you're invincible. What is gonna hold you back from doing whatever you want?
Well? Child, This concludes part one of this week's episode, and y'all, Part two is really where we get into some things, so please make sure you subscribe to the show so you don't miss it. And also, if you think this episode will resonate with someone, please send it their way. Okay, spread love, it's the Brooklyn way. And if you have any comments, questions, or concerns or you want to say hey, gir hey, shoot me an email
at Hello at the psgpodcast dot com. Y'all, I really really hope you enjoyed this week's episode and I cannot wait for you all to hear part two. So until next time, everyone later. Pretty Private is a production of the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcast from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show, and you can connect with me on social media at Pretty Private Podcasts.