Wake that ass up in the morning.
Breakfast Club Morning, everybody in dej n V Jess hilarious, Charlemagne the God, we are the Breakfast Club.
Laura Ross here as well. We got a special guest in the building.
We have doctor Cheyenne Bryant.
Welcome man.
You are one of the people in the mental health space. Who are you? Who's us who's really using social media right right?
Like you know, because you've used it to you know, elevate your platform and just elevate the conversation around mental health.
So I applauded you on.
Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah. I always say I didn't get into this field to become a celebrity. But God has his own plans, right, So I literally and my master's and my doctor program. I remember my professor was saying, everyone who's gonna get license, raise your hand. I didn't raise my hand. Everybody else did. And he's like, Doc, you're going, you know with Shyanne at that time, you're
going through all this not get license. I'm like, no, because I'm gonna be on a platform where I'm able to change lives. Didn't think that it ended up being a platform where to this magnitude one and then to the place where literally I didn't want it, the whole celebrity status and lifestyle. And not that I'm saying I don't want it now and I don't like it, It's just
this is not where I expected it to go. But again, if God needs to use a celebritiness and I said it at your Mental health and Mental Health Expo, you know, whether the celebrity status brings me, the naysayers or the sayers, whatever it brings. As long as they can get a tip R two that gives them a better quality of life and helps them become better mentally, then run the play. I'm cool with it.
How does that impact though, Like you do work in mental health, but there's a lot of like the naysayers are so loud, How does that impact you mental health wise? And like, what's your work through because it's there, especially with that when the cam interview came out, they were people were upset about it. Some people agree, but you know, how do you, as a person in that space deal with all of that pushback.
This is the thing, Sis, I grew up a little girl in the inner city, in the hood. I grew up to two teenage parents. My mom was addicted to the drug that my father sold. I'm a product of a street dude, a straight gangster who turned into being a good family man, and my mom is now sober for the record. And so I say all that to say that when you grow up in a certain type of adversity, loud noise, that's against the grain of what you're doing. It's not a loud noise, you know, it's
a norm. And that's why you know, the Bible says it's good for me that I was afflicted, because when you have those afflictions, they are preparing you for a time like this that you have to stand in a leadership role. And leadership comes with pressure, it comes with commitment, it comes with character. And so when you have naysayers who are applying pressure, then that's when you show if
you apply it for your diamond. But I already knew from the trenches that I was a diamond, So I wasn't worried about coming into this space with somebody having a problem with what I'm doing. And I'm in my intent, I'm in my purpose, and I'm vertical on who i am. It don't matter to me because I'm running my own place, So I'm not sitting up there as a quarterback being Brady waiting for a moss.
Just put somebody out there. We're gonna win.
Put someone out there. That's just what it is, you know. So when you're vertical and who you are, you're not really worried about what is going to show up to catch the catch. You know you your job is to throw, and then the receiver's job is to do what to catch. And so the quarterback don't throw and go just catch you better do it? Just hands up. The quarterback throws and he like, all right, I know I did it. Tan up the slant over and that's it. And it's
a celebration if you're in there. If not, we run the play back again until we do it. And that's just what That's what life's about.
Now, you talked about your calling, So when it came when it comes to your calling, what is your calling? What do you specialize in? Is it relationships? Is it dealing with people's problems? Is it just listening? What is your specialty when it comes to and what's your calling?
I love that. So I started off as a marriage and marriage i'man child therapist, and I tell God, I said, listen, I'm a little girl from the hood. You know what I come from. Don't put me in the hood, and don't put me with with you know, court order DCF kids. Not that I had a problem with him. I didn't want to be triggered dealing with them and I didn't want to have to deal with what I came from. I wasn't in the system, but I came from that
type of adversity. And the first place God put me was off of Hotdale and Sloughster and I don't know if you're familiar with LA, but a block away from Sloss and swap me in the hood. And every one of my clients were court ordered DCFS Department of Family and Child Services. We have moms in there who were pregnant, still still hitting the pipe asking me can I sign off on the documents so they can get the kids back, because I was predicated on their unification with their kids,
and so started off as doing that. When I got my doctor, I transitioned to a psychology expert life coach so that my hands wouldn't be tied behind my back because when I was a therapist working for a nonprofit under a license, the protocol, just with the BBS law, and you're very familiar with mental health and therapy, there's so many things that you cannot do based on ethics and law that, in my opinion, it the gates and
it really takes away from the real therapeutic experience. So, for example, I had a young lady come in and she had experienced sexual abuse. Her mother was allowing men to pay her to have sex with her daughter at thirteen, from age all the way from age eight to sixteen. The last time the guy came in, he put her on the burners and the stove burners and had his way with her. For that young lady, thank god, that
was the last straw for her. So she ends up in my office and we're talking and she's telling me her story and I'm starting to become triggered because it's trigger and my sexual abuse passed and so long story short, after one of our sessions, I get up and she's in tears and she's telling her story and I go to huger and she's like, no, no, no, you know, don't touch me because that's not something that she's in
a place to handle at that time. No problem. Eight months go by, she's like she has to then be transferred out. She's like, all right, you know I wasn't doctor Brian and I was Chyenne. She's like, miss Chyenne, thank you for everything. I'm like okay, and she goes, oh, by the way, I'm ready for that. Hug everything in me, everything in me. Dj Vy was just like everything.
Was just like yeah.
And so not only did I hug her, but I think I broke through the BBS laws because I hugged that poor baby. I kissed all over her. But you're not supposed to do that.
You're still human now, but you're still human.
And so my specialty then was marriage, FAMIN and child therapy. So that is my foundation. So now that I am a psychologist for life coach, I can't get rid of that because that's my foundation. I do psyched on MCBT, but I couple it, which is my hybrid approach, with coaching. So it's therapy and coaching, which is hybrid. And I say this without humility. That's why I'm so effective because therapy is telling me more. Let me hear about your trauma, your daddy issues to mom issues. Why are you who
you are? And then once you're finished dealing with that and you process that. Okay, DJ MVY, what the hell you going from there?
I do have one of the questions when it comes to the therapy aspect. I'm sure the world has been watching the mend This Brothers, right, and I had a question. Right, So the Amanda's brothers, if you don't know, they confess their crime to their therapist, and they believed that the therapists could not tell police officers because it was I guess,
patient client privilege, but they did. So does that mean anything that I tell a therapist or that anybody tells a therapist can and can possibly be used against them in the court of law.
One hundred percent. So a therapist is only under confidential oath unless you are threatened to kill yourself and someone else. And it can't just be a threat, it has to be you have you actually have like an action plan to do so, right. You can't just come to me and say, hey, Doc, look you know I want to kill myself. I will help you process through that and hopefully talk you off the ledge. But if you say I got a plan. At nine pm, I'm leaving the house, I'm going to do X, Y and Z to my wife.
Then I have a duty to report. If I'm subpoenaed to court, I have to speak on that.
Now.
If I did a crime and I'm talking to you about the crime because it's eating me up, you're not supposed to tell law enforcem it's if I already killed somebody already did the crime already, even.
If it's a murder, only unless that they're that that's it. When it comes to subpoena in the court and the justice system, their law oversees everything. It just does. When it comes to your confidentiality as client privilege, there's nothing that I can.
Say out even can you reach out to the court and say, subpoena me, I need to be SENA.
Would never do that, just because I believe in following the oath of and maybe I just love and respect my clients too much. But if you came to me and said something, I'm just not And I know this is smaller than murder, but I've had married couples who come separately and together and the husband is just lighting
it up in his individual sessions, like I'm cheating. I'm intimate with this person and that person is family members is this, and I'm and I'm having to just make sure I process my counter transfers because I'm sitting there like damn, and I have her in one hour. In one hour. God. Now, of course, if it was like my girlfriend, I'd be likeriend, because my best friend couldn't be that's that's a confidation. She could never come to
me as as a psychology experting that. But I then I'd be I'd be you know, ripping into in.
Talk to me from the human perspective, because you still you're still a real.
Stuff like that when you hear a guy come in one hour and he doing X, y Z, then the woman coming the next hour, what is going through your mind about to do?
Charla, And my clients are watching this. My client's gonna be like, that's what you really mean? But you know, in my mind, honestly what I try to do, and and and and and some of my clients have followed this guidance. I have one client now, he's he's married and the wife is attempted to divorce him, and she's divorcing him because he cheated, but she doesn't have any hard facts on him. So I've all I've actually been able to process with him. Was, so, you're going to
be with this woman or not? If you want to be with her or you want to be able to leave and do better. At some point you got to be able to be real with yourself and real with her, and you got to be transparent. When do you plan on doing that? So he just literally this week or last week, because this week he told me doc. I sat with her and I told her that has been you know a few times that I did cheat. And
I said, how does she respond? He says, She said, now we can have a conversation because now you keeping it real. And when I had her in session, I said, listen, triggered, triggered, right, yeah, Like you have two options, said, either you know, I can. I can if you're willing to learn to love a dog, we can start that process because you know, or we could start the process of you leaving and starting over. And she goes, what do you mean by a dog?
She said, but he didn't. We've been together for ten years. He's never cheated. The first time I said no, no, baby, I said, he'd been quiet for ten years. He decided to bark, and you're number ten Jesus.
So you don't think so you don't think that he could change in that marriage and not cheat anymore.
First of all, nobody change, including me. We shift, and that changes our life. And when I say we shift, we shift out of the things and behaviors that don't serve us after we learn they're not working, and then we have to learn to manage those. So I am very firecrackery. When I was younger, I was very temperamental. I was very you know who the fuck you're talking to? Real quick? I just because of my trauma, because of things, I just had a very protective by all means necessary.
I'm the Otus of seven, so I was you know, I've like this place up? Is that still in me after all of my healing? Hell? Yeah? Do I manage it? Absolutely? Managing it just means that I'm high function I'm able to regulate my emotions right, identify my emotions, don't get into my feelings because emotions are healthy. Feelings cause problems, and I can just say, okay, identify that I'm angry, I'm frustrated, So now let me choose my response. Before
I was low functioning. Once I felt it, I was triggered and everybody here was gonna know and it was gonna.
Be a problem.
So does that still come up? Yeah, but do I have self talk that says we're not doing that.
So you don't think people can change.
You just feel like they manage ourself. Well, we manage our self up. So a man who's a womanizer, he is always a womanizer. It's just how well can he discipline or manage his womanizing appetite, his womanizing actions, his womanizing desires? Can he imagine manage his environment? Can he be in a room full of women and not womanized and not cheat and not step out and not have infidelity issues. We like what we like. We are who we are.
So you would never date a man that cheated before because you feel like he will always be a cheated Is that what you're saying.
I think that's also circumstantial. So I do believe that different relationships bring out different things in us. I was also an extreme alpha in my first engagement. I had two engagements to called off two weddings. My first relationship I was engaged to, I was extreme alpha. So even if he tried to be alpha, I left no space. It was like hell no by all means necessary, Because I said so on you can walk like I'm chasing my career. I know my value. I'm not fatherless. I
got a daddy. He spoils me good day.
So even in that, do you feel like that he wasn't man enough for you? Or like, what was that? Do you think that's your fault? Do you look back and be like, ugh, I was trying to be the man, not trying to be the man.
But I actually I gave him.
Because you just said you gave no room for him to do it. So do you regret that part of me?
That's a duality. I think he chose a woman who was alpha because it fed something in him that was beta. I chose a man who was beta because my alpha needed to be inflamed. But my second engagement, he was alpha. That's why I say it's circumstantial. But not only was he alpha, I was ready. I had these submissive fills in me already, So by the time we got in a relationship, I was a hybrid. By then I was alpha submissive, so I was cooking. He was daddy. I
was soft. I was in my feminine and the blessing of that is I got to experience both, and I learned that I fell more in love with myself in my softness than he probably did. Like I was doing ship where I'm like, oh, that's me, that's me right now, even in the bedroom things that I was like, no, I'm not. When I was in my office, absolutely not. I was like, can we do that thing again? That thing I don't look at y'all y'all married? Can we do that thing? And that thing? I said, submit, but
also but right, but also plays a role. But in the.
Position what you doing, I'm not gonna from When you said that, I kept thinking of his story, what it was telling me, the story about never mind Gilly the King was telling me a story about something that was in kim Porter the book, and how did he do that?
Right?
I mean something you don't feel answer question that can change.
Though, Like you know maturity because you know a lot of times I because a lot of time I think sometimes you're immature and you don't know right. And I think you can grow out of things where you are mature, not just being a womanizer or being insecure. Some of those things you grow out of because you learn differently. And some of the things that you follow is because of society teaches you other than what you should be doing if.
You're I'm saying so when I was a child, I thought as a child. Now that I'm a man, I think is as a man, right, That's what the Bible says. So do I think that we can mature out of things just But maturity takes work, It takes awareness and sense of self. So how many of us are really getting that? If we're in the same environments, the same relationships, are dating different people with the same spirit, So the same spirit is going to activate the same things in you.
You want different, there has to be a different circumstance of different activation. I went from a beta to an alpha, and I was receptive to being with an alpha. Well, that's why I was able to be activated in my feminine I wouldn't choose abata now, I'd want an alpha man, but I also hold space for an alpha man. You couldn't be with a woman who is high functioning and
be a womanizer. She ain't holding space for you. You can pray on a low functioning woman because she holds space too much space for a low functioning man who wants to prey on her. But if you were to say, you know what, I want to shift up my ways, you would also have to shift and choose a woman who won't tolerate that, because she will hold you accountable when you're in a space that don't work for her. Sure, does that make sense? So you can't be in the same environment.
But let's say a man is insecure, and he's insecure when he's sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, right because he doesn't know the world, or a man follows the likeness of, for instance, hip hop right because hip hop influence is so much of us and a lot of us were.
Grown from it.
You know, whether it was what we did, what we spoke about, carrying guns, selling drugs, being a womanized, whatever that may be.
Men can change change.
I feel like I feel like what you're saying is true, but I feel like I would say shifts lead to Actually, that's what I'm.
Saying, so right, So I'm not saying, listen, we're not Jesus, We're not turning water to one. I've said that on the Cam Newton the episode, and I stand by that. So you're not gonna change, and you're not gonna switch up and tomorrow be a six ' five chocolate mad.
You don't know what identify.
Listen, I'm self projected. That's what I'm trying to say. But can you shift? Shifts will change you your world. You don't change, you shift. So what happens is that insecure boy grows up to be a man who shifts things in him and his environment changes, and so does he feel his insecurity and flame way less? Absolutely? But whether there be moments where your little boy arises in
you because you're triggered, that's life. And when that happens, if it's once a year or once every five years, you have to have the effective tools to manage that little boy or he will sabotage or he will go cheat. And that's how you say he ain't cheated in ten years, but he barked on your number ten.
I agree with that wholeheartedly. The way it was worded the first time, I was like, I think can change, But I get what you said totally.
Yeah, people can shift and that creates a change, But we don't wake up and we're like, we're totally different.
So the interview with Cam and also I saw that you sat down with Nick.
How did that?
How did did the firecracker, and you be like, I need to sit down with them. How did you get them in the room? How did you do those two interviews? Did they reach out to you or did you reach out to them?
So Nick reach out to me and said, Doc, what's up? Like I want to work through somethings, but I want to work through it on camera. And I said, okay, no problem, but I'm going to penetrate, so we're not doing it petrate.
Crazy, So he liked penetration.
Nick always goes, Doc, do you have to use that word. I'm like, yeah, I am. I'm penetrating you at the space that obviously it's broken and.
The men don't change. No twelve year old girl right now?
Definitely present, definitely.
So when he says all right, I need to work through some things, You're like, okay on camera?
Does that then in your mind say is this for real? For real? Or do you want to appeal to a certain market, you know, to a certain audience.
You know what I'm saying, because you know, we're in the in the times now where everything has to be recorded or didn't happen or you know, that's just how people look or how people feel. But what does that make it a little phony to you? So, because I couldn't find another word.
Other than but great observation, I didn't look at it like that because I look at it like I have a job to do and a purpose to serve. So whether we have one camera or ten, you're gonna get this work. And so they may have done it, and I'm not saying they did. They may have done it from an entertainment perspective, but as we see, more than entertainment came out of it. Because your intention will always be what ends up being the end result for you.
And so my intent was to use Nick's situation and shift a whole culture of black men saying what Cam, and it happened. There were a lot of naysayers, but a lot of black men were actually in there creating the vironus and saying, listen, Doc is right, we need to create more husbands and less baby daddies. Black men were like, I'm twenty six, I got three kids by three different women, and She's right, this ain't it, man. We got to do different. That was my intent, and
my intent is what manifested. So and Nick as well. Kim was resistant, but Cam had to answered a lot of questions in his household, Cam had a lot of stuff. He had a lot of different conversations he had to have with that woman whether she wants to come out on social media and where the mask she's been wearing, that mask is off at home. Cam had to answer questions that created a lot of conflict. Conflict is needed for a resolve and for shift and change, and so, yeah,
entertainment or not. I wanted to make sure that what happened happened, that the conversation is now being had everywhere that it is time for our community to do things differently. And if you have already created broken houses and homes, you're not doomed, but you need to stop. It's a time to stop, like we're not here to create broken houses.
And now yourself, you're projecting your daddy issues and mommy issues as a man onto an entire generation that has to now grow up to figure out what the hell is the root of their issue and how do they not sabotage and how do they do this thing differently?
Yeah, caa.
Cam said that you know it affected his relationship with his first two baby moms and his current situation.
You feel that no, Yeah.
Because I'm here to interrupt that pattern. No. Yeah, like the ship should have been interrupted a long time. A lot of you know Cam and you come from, and not that this breeds you know, good decision making people. But Cam comes from he's a pastor's child. He comes from two parents that are still married and they're still very their pastors, very much involved with the church that goes to show you, like the Bible said, it was good for me that I was afflicted because you got
people who come from brokenness. This is why I said, these kids are not doomed who make different decisions because it's not about where a lot of times it's not where you go and that gets you where you're going. It's where you trying to get the hell away from. And a lot of times parents. Yeah, like I was telling ray J a this, ray J is my client as well Jesus, And I was telling ray I said, ray, I love your parents, but they showed you everything to do right, they didn't show you what not to do.
And see, for me, I had a circumstances an environment that showed me everything not to do. So sometimes knowing what not to do saves you from doing the wrong shit. It's not about having a perfect household. It's about having a blended, balanced household that says, listen, this is what you can do to get you this, this is what
you you shouldn't do. And when you come from a lot of pastor kids and these these folks who come in from these really perfect households are perfect marriages that have a lot of infidelity, a lot of brokenness in them, these folks, these kids learn how to master the life as well, and they learn how to overcompensate for what they're missing in broken houses, in womanizing or mannizing ways, and that becomes an issue and then they just becomes
a dysfunctional pattern where they keep creating this. They get comfortable and dysfunction and say I'm thriving here. No you're not. You've learned to survive and you're teaching everybody else who you are, you know, creating or pro creating how to survive.
I was just going to ask, how do you deal with your other clients if you have raj.
I do Oh yeah, I have that. I have vice counsel. Yeah yeah, yeah. I have a nice group, a nice really healthy ecosystem. People who are in you know, counselors and coaches and who are not do that? I use them?
Does this like so like with the camp situation, is in there like a follow up conversation with him and like he wants to work through more stuff now off camera because like it, I'm sure it triggered a lot for him as well too when those additional conversations had to happen, or like is he gonna be like what happens after that? We see it in real we see it on the internet and it goes crazy.
Yeah, the baby.
Mom's a girlfriend. All the fall out.
There's been recent fallout too with him talking about her Jazz not being the only woman that he slept with in a relationship, and so there's things coming out. Now does he hit you up and say, hey, I want to do some more work. I wanna have a conversation or he's like nah.
He's he hasn't hit me up to say yes, but he's definitely not like nah, okay, But I who I would love to have a conversation with, whether it can whether it's on camera or off not, just to more support her in whatever she's doing right now or feeling or going through. Is Jazz, Yeah, I would love to have a conversation with Jazz, even if it's a private session.
I think that she needs tools on how to be in this relationship if she's gonna stay, and if she chooses to leave, she needs tools on how to also pivot that. And it's not about having a conversation with her or having a session with her to get her to change her mind. It's about getting her to feel supported and showing compassion and then trying to figure out where she wants to navigate from here. And see, that's the thing, because I don't know if you saw months ago,
or this may have been before she was pregnant. I think I saw this she's happy with or you know, with everything that's going on.
You know how she's okay with that.
So if she understands and she is willing and she's like, okay, I'm all in, I'm abiding by every rule that you have, then what the hell are you going to talk to her about? You know what I'm saying, like, how can cause even as a woman watching that, right, I didn't know who she was with yet until it came out and then I was like, oh damn, all right, So that's how you feel about him, and that's my man's and that's my girl. But I'm just like, damn, how strong the strongest back that I've ever her.
I give my head.
Off to her for dealing with that whole dynamic, But what can you say to her that'll change?
I think it's helping her come to herself. And I think that I think that Jazz got herself into something that one she didn't understand that she was getting herself into. And I think she would love to back paddle if she could. But where do you go from here? You have a child? A lot of women, especially Black women, stay because they don't want to be a product of a broken house and they don't want to be a single mom who wants to be a statistic who wants
to be that right. And so for her, I understand why she would want to stay to make it work. But I also would understand why she wants to leave to do it right. And it's not because he has kids. It's because this man is not honoring you. He's disrespecting you. And he's not only doing it privately, he's doing it publicly. He's not even allowing it to be pillow talk.
You know.
So it's like, And that's what I mean by the epitome of a high valued man in the most low functioning functionality you can have, Like you have no respect at all for this woman who you not only have a child with, but you are in a relationship with. You're waiting for God to give you more kids. You have a woman at home, You're sleeping with other women publicly on your platform for this woman to feel how all you're doing is self projecting your brokenness and your
pain on this woman. In all of these eight kids and these three other women, you are pro creating broken houses. And let me go further, he also has a broken home with her, because a broken house and a broken home are two different things, so you have both. A broken house is just a single family home. It could be one mama, one daddy, or for people who have partners, it could be one partner in the house. That means just there's one person. A broken home is you got
a two party households. The home is owen pair. They can't even function at a level of healthiness. Cam has both, and he knows that, and he's trying to figure out how he front backside pedals. But this is the deal. You know, and I said this to him jokingly and I wasn't pun attended, but it was like I told him, I said, I said, Cam, before we didn't even I say, Kim, you're about to throw picks this entire interview. It's like
you did when you was playing. I said, you took him to a super Bowl but you couldn't get the ring. And he just looked and he said no. But to backtrack real quick, Cam reached out to me before the interview. But but did I did I catch the picks or not?
From what I saw, Yeah, the pig's right.
And so but my point is Cam reached out to me because EGO, he seen me and Nick Cannon's interview and he said Nick was too soft. Do my interview. It's not it's not going to be that same smoke. And so I said, sign me up when I'll fly out tomorrow. He said, oh, okay, like that. I said, hundred percent, I'm ready. And so when it happened, I think Cam's edge was to throw me off, yeah, and to see if he can challenge you, challenge me and
more dominate the conversation. My intent was to bring healing in awareness and he got that.
Do you ever tell women to leave when you're dealing when you're talking to women on men, do you ever tell them to leaveuse? I know a lot of times therapists won't tell somebody to leave. And if somebody is still in a relationship, whether it's domestic violence, whether it's a woman or not as or whether it's something that's negative, do you feel like if a woman stays, she's weak.
I don't think she's weak. I think she has a lot of underlining issues that need to be processed, and I think she doesn't have awareness of what those are and what that relationship is feeding are the underlining issues, and she's staying because she needs those to be fed. And if she leaves, what's fed? If she doesn't have any awareness of her healthiness. See, what we know is
what feeds us. We all set up feeding stations and we go and feed on things that we have awareness of, which is a lot of times I trum artists function or our survival mechanism. And so I never tell them to leave, but I do help them either say this is what the work is going to take to stay, and this is what it looks like for you to leave. What do you want to do.
So, you don't feel like if a man stays a woman stays, they are weak, whether it's whatever their relationship. You don't feel that way. You feel like people can get through certain things, whether it's domestic violence, whether it's abuse, whether it's cheating, whether it's whatever it may be.
I think that people can get through it if they're willing to reinvent. So marriage isn't something that always has to be dissolved. Sometimes they can be recreated and reinvented if two people are open to that. And I say that because you know, I'm not married yet. I look forward to being married and being a mother, but I'm not divorcing my husband, and so it very well could be where, you know, shoot the social media hopefully not goes off on dog one day and says, hey, what
you was preaching? What's up? What you're doing nowfully not, but I'm saying that I'm not leaving my husband.
What do you say?
What do you say to people that say, you know, how do you give advice on marriages and marriage couples when you're not married?
That was?
What do you say to those people I love that I say that I don't want to hear you been together fifteen years and miserable thirteen I rather take advice from a single woman or man who's happy, thriving, successful, meaning in their joy, not just in their monetary value, then someone who is miserable in the marriage with a side dude and a side check. And you want to give me an advice that you give yourself, that you're using your failed marriage a pass better a pass a past.
And what happens is married people like to shun on single folks. The Bible also says single people are happy. People look that up. It says marriage discipline. No, it says marriage take discipline.
It's a lot of times they say that you reach out to older couples that's been married longer because they'll tell you how to deal with the marriage than people, you know, Like some people say you said the don't hang out with your single friends. You talk to married couples that's been in that situation.
And you know why that's true because folks who have been married ten, fifty, twenty years, they've been through the trenches, so they're not gonna teach you how to be happy. We got that single sist, we got that I've had that all my life. They're gonna teach you how to get through the times when you ain't happy. Y'all married, you know that, let's not play this game. You married, you know that you got of course, Marri, I think
marriage is beautiful, it's popping. It's where everybody wants to land. Why would you not want a partnership and a companion your go to But that shit comes with work. The Bible says marriage is for disciplined people discipline. I'm single. I don't have to be disciplined. Even though I am, I don't have to be in that space.
You think people get married too early.
I think people choose the wrong people. I think people choose their fairy to ideology. They're not choosing the person. See, people are choosing marriage and not a husband. They're choosing marriage and not a wife. And so when you're choosing marriage, you get the title, you get the looks of it, but you're not getting a person. So you're a beautiful house who's homeless. You're like the idea of the idea did And those are people who are fatherless sometimes motherless,
who just need something to be a part of. I just need this companionship. I want the title. I don't feel value. I don't for validated. So because we're married, I got somebody who's checking for me. I got somebody who can get me to the day. But you got to be able to check even in marriage. I was engaged for ten years, you know, because I kept calling it off, calling it off, and he was like, you
keep getting these degrees. You keep saying, wait for the next degree where you get married, and my time, I want to get my doctor. He's like, baby, you done got four degrees. Engage. You know. I can't putting it off because I knew that that wasn't my person. And I ended up leaving. I ended up leaving him, you know, unfortunate for him ten years.
And she said he was a great guy, great guy.
He was a great guy. He just wasn't my guy, right, And so for ten years he thought he was the guy along for ten year while let him be great with somebody else that would appreciate him and love him. I love that question. I love the question. So I'm I'm saying for ten years, I knew he wasn't the one. When we got about your number five or six, and I seen that his work ethic and his ability to provide at the level that I wanted our family to be at. I knew that he wasn't mine my guy.
And when I say provide, I'm not talking about like he was making six figures and I was like, now make millions. I'm saying. His thing was, baby, I'm cool with me. You a dog in a one bajem apartment and just no work ethic at all. So for the first six years, I thought, while I'm out here getting it. I have a legal company, you know, I own property. I'm only twenty two, I'm getting all these college degrees. How can he not be inspired by me? See that's
that age appropriate young woman. He got potential. Let me stay. That's why people should take their time. But when I seen your number seven and eight, this guy was the same guy who was You know, I hate talking because he's such a good guy. I always protect him when I talk about him. But where he was lazy and he had no work ethic, I had a pivot. I had a pivot.
He didn't work that you wanted because he worked right, but he just didn't.
He was he was comfortable that your ideas were different.
At some point he just decided to not work at all.
He just said he had a mixed ape.
He started off in pharmaceutical cells, a very educated young man, went to BYU D One college, did his same, very much like the boy next door. Mixed kid, and you know, and so it was all really good. Came from a really amazing family. Parents still married. I think they're on like forty five years.
You just want more.
I wanted more. And if he would have said we can have more and girl, I would have rolled with him. But when he said I don't want anymore and I'm cool with this, it goes to your question. Then I had to choose what I was choosing. I was choosing a man. I wasn't choosing marriage. I didn't grow up the little girl that wanted marriage in this white pick offense. I wanted just to be honest. I wanted money and
power to change a trajectory of a community. I wanted a platform to be able to shift people so they have a better life, so they can take their pain like I did and find some peace out of it and make peace from the broken pieces. So I never grew up thinking. I just And I also had a father. I had a daddy who doted on me. I'm a product of a street dude. And if anyone knows the street dude, the way they love their daughters when they're involved,
your god, Your God is to them, your princess. I mean, I didn't have man problems like that, and so I didn't wasn't looking for a man outside to convalidate me. So when I get in relationships, till to this day, I'm still choosing the man.
Did he acquire more in the future.
No, he's still in the same place. So I made the right decision.
What was the conversation that last conversation y'all had when you decided to leave him?
And how did he reacts the.
Dog?
No? He he was in tears and I was in tears. We were sitting there crying, and he said, he said, I knew it. I was a buffer for you. He said I was a buffer for you. He said, I just knew it. And he said, you're with me because you're too insecure to be with who you really want to be with a type of guy, not a particular guy,
but the type of guy. I said, you're right, You're right, And as years went on, that was some of the best advice that I was able to acquire because I was able to work on myself and he was right. Because the type of man that I now date, with that alpha and this, with that leadership, the space that he needs so he can even be with me right is a different type of space, a different type of woman.
So I had to shift, not change shifts a lot of things in me that had to do with insecurity, because my mom being in her addiction creating abandonment in me. I had attachment anxiety. And so when you're you know, in order to have a man who's doing well, who's successful, and he's in his alpha, the healthy alpha, that man is moving and group and he's doing certain things, he don't have time for a woman with no damn attachment anxiety. Meaning when he's making moves to better this household and
he's making moves to bear this family. I got to be able to be solid and vertical in myself and who I am to hold the house down. I can't be insecure when he's traveling or doing things or he's not right up under me. I had to work through that attachment anxiety.
A couple of questions right, like one, I want to know what is your definition of a high value man.
That's more.
And then too, what you said about attachment and anxiety. Is it okay for the woman to feel insecure if she knows this man ain't really out here doing.
Oh, that's called discernment. Call him out on that, and I mean transparency. What's up? I'm feeling some type of way. What's going on? What are you doing? I'm feeling this way. And I just think two respectful people who are choosing each other and not just the relationship, are going to have those conversations. And that's what those older couples who've been married twenty thirty years is teaching you. How you
have those conversations? And Baby, when your man tell you he out here turning corners, he not really turning bills, how do you stick through that? How do you stay without losing your dignity? How do you still be to submit to this man, cooking and cleaning and having sex, making love to this man without being disgusted at the fact that he's either stepped out emotionally, physically or mentally. How do you keep that? How do you keep going?
I was gonna act, that was gonna be That's.
What the older folks say. They don't tell you how to be happy and be They telling you how to roll through and stick through some ship. That's what they're teaching you.
Well, my grandfather was like, lead that bitch, yeah, because he that's how I be like back.
In the day that he was still with, you know, my grandmother.
But he just still was just like, man, like leave that bitch now, because I would have left this bitch back in the.
Day, Grandpa, because I've been leaving. But now now I say I'm in my choosing stage and I'm really looking forward to staying. But it will be my first time utilizing a lot of my new tools. Not new meaning a year ago, but you knew because I've been seeing six years of this attachment anxiety how to work through of what that looks like. So there's gonna be things in me that are new that inflame and trigger that.
I'm going to have to have a hell of a man who's mature enough, emostly intelligent enough to sit through certain conversations with me that are going to be transparent.
So what is a high value because I heard you reference cam is a high value man with a.
Low value I guess just a low vibrational fund.
So what is your definition of the high value because to me, it just sounds like high value to you is like superficial stuff.
High value just means that you're, yeah, it's pretty much like you're you're making a lot of money, you have a lot of tangible things, your high value value, your value is high, and your monetary value values high. Meaning you know, you got a man who's making one hundred million dollars, then he's high value in women who are superficial. But I'm not knocking y'all say it's okay, are very attracted to that, But again, are they choosing the man or are they choosing the value?
The value?
But some people are so poor all they got is money, and so you know what I mean.
And that goes to where this is going to be a very very unpopular opinion or very popular, but it's going to cause a lot of controversy. I always say, if you realize the most prettiest beautiful woman, many of them men have put a baby in him, but they't made a wife out of him. And I go to the high value men have put babies in him, but ain't made a wife out of him. Because those women are choosing the value in them, and those men are choosing the low functionality in her, So that's a matchmade
in heaven for them. Even though the fairytale ends at some point and everybody goes back to the drawing board and comes into my session and says, because I can now theset, I can now might have some very very ales celebrity women who come in and say, I'm beautiful, I'm successful, I can have any man I want. I'm lonely as hell, and I'm afraid that I'm gonna die alone.
But you have a child, You've been married to this a list big NBA player, and the relationship is now over, and you feel like you're going to be alone because you never learned to choose anything of substance, so you will hollow the whole time. So you're not afraid of being alone physically, you're afraid of being alone emotionally because you've been alone this whole time. So you don't even have a relationship with yourself. So who you really don't want to be with is you?
So why should we call alone?
It's about being with you?
So why should we call those brothers high value?
Then? Because value based on how I define it it's just money. Like I'm a high out you to woman. Right, I have a MultiMate dollar home. I come from the hood. I want from the hood to the heills. But I've accumulated a lot of value. Right. I drive luxury cars. I have a certain lifestyle. But I would be low functioning if I pray it on men that I know I can use. If I pray it on men that I know, I can say, eat, sleep and put me and shut up while I go run a monk. Be
in your beta. Because I said so, that's low functioning of me. High value and high functioning would be. Now, I want a man who can stand on he got he's vertical because every human being is a hybrid. We're all high functioning and low functioning. So there's gonna be moments while I get in my low functioning, and if I get in my low functioning and I start to say things that are emasculating to you, I don't want
a low functioning man. I want you to say, baby, I don't talk to you like that, and I don't like when you talk to me like that. I'm not gonna leave you, but we gotta work on this because I'm not some nothing else, nigga. If you know and I love you and I respect you, so let's work through this.
Well, if you got a high value man, he got all the money, he might even be an alpha with a big little and he trash in bad So then what because henderstand?
Because you can't.
Because you ain't gonna let him talk to.
You in your kind of ways.
You ain't gonna let him talk you in your kind of way. That's what I'm saying. You can be the output at let.
Him talk to you any kind of way.
That mouth go crazy.
If I had to choose between a little pito okay in my Spanish speaking language, little pet the little pens and a family hell of a good man, take give me the little dick and a good man. Because remember, I'm choosing the man. I'm not choosing these these ornaments. And I know and I'm this is the thing. Men don't understand this. A woman just needs a big dick when you don't know how to truly love and connect
with you. Once we love you and connect with you, we love, and we when we love, we love, especially black women. When we love, we love, we're figuring out how to work with that little thing. You got wet like we when we love you, we love you and we figure out how to make it do what to do? You got women who are with men who got little penises and pay noobile because she love him. Now that's not DOC approved. But that's not DOC approved. But so for me, I don't want I'm not manifesting God the
little Pizzo type thing. But I'm saying, you know, if it yeah, and this is this is probably gonna be tm I. But I always joke about with my best friend Lola, and my assistant always say, girl, I'm not the woman who needs a big old penis me either. Wait a minute, Jeff, but I said, why does God always send me the mee go ahead?
That's right, and that got to be inclusive.
But I want to I want to ask you about some some internet rumors that I see. You know, Corey Holmes said some some things about you, about not having your degree and where you started off all as a I guess working in the strip club is any of that stuff? So you're not a real doctor, he said, yeah, you're not a real doctor.
No. So I have four degrees, three are in psychology, ones and Pan African studies. My doctor degree is in counsel psychology. My master's the Marriage I my Child Therapy. All degrees are in psychology. Where this Corey Holkoing thing comes from is we did. I was on a show ten years ago when I actually I think it was before I even had my doctor degree. And Corey is used to being able to be very disrespectful to women and doing things. He was a guest on the show.
I was co hosted. He was a guest, and I drill dis asked to be honest, it's on YouTube, people, could you know look at it? And I cut into him and I said, you seem like you are inferior to white man, and you seem like you got daddy issues, and you seem like you got mommy issues, and you got kids that don't even talk to you or respect you, they don't like you. It tell us a lot about your character. This was ten years ago, okay, And obviously he's still in his feminine because he's still holding a
grudge over it. You know, this is like interviews are interviews? Are you saying you're doing? And you move on to the next And so was very upset and I feel like that in that space he was y'all could watch it. He was done found it like usually he comes back with the you know, fu b or he has something to say. Ory's you know, he got a mouth. He was really just like, you know, a deer with headlights. He was just like, oh my god. The interviewer, the
person's podcast was on. Everybody else is in there was like, We've never seen Corey be this quiet. We've never seen anybody be able to respectfully check him in this way. After we were done with the interview, we went to take a big picture on the backsplash and I would walk up toward him. You know my personality, I'm very playful. I walked up and I'm like, let's take a picture. He wanted to fail in the picture. Ten years later.
I think he looked at it with his fail comedian career because he's been attempting his career for about forty five or so years. With the sale comedian career, his failed marriage. And I'm not saying this to be mean, y'all can just research it his true and his fel parenting skills with his kids because none of those people deal with him. Yeah, I think he looked at it like there's I get to kill two birds of one stone,
which was smart. I get to humiliate her back in some kind of way, which it didn't work, and or I get to ride on her back because she's going viral. I don't have a career. I do. He doesn't have a career.
So you guys, you a comedy career.
He does stand up me just stays in fifty one fifty other big podcast and he does stand up.
Well, what do you know yet? What? Thank you? We're back. She got a good career, but it knows to be back. So the point is I think that he did. And at this part I'm not knocking in for he did what any to meet career oriented business person was supposed to do. I see an opportunity, let me take it, let me create a narrative. But what happened was all it did was bring more tation to damned doctor Bryant. So all people did was research me more, which is what I wanted them to do. All people did was
find out for themselves. She is a real doctor. She has these degrees. She's been doing this for a long time. This woman started off from teen Mom A Family Reunion, which we were the biggest show on MTV. She not only was the camera life coach doctor for that show,
she co produced it and developed the show. So what happened was he brought attention to where people were able to go in and do what I want them to do, which is research more of me, get more background on me, and say hey, let me make my own opinion about her. And again, you know, as my really good friend Shaquillo O, and Neil says, which is one of my you know, we've become pretty much like best friends. Now. He's like Doc, He's like, you know, he says as I hate when
he says it, but I love it. He goes, Doc, trust from babies, don't give attention to the ones who have nothing, he goes, So let the good and bad attention do what it does for you. Let it do what it does. And I'm not a trust from baby. But what Shaqa is saying is when you hear and they hear, all it does is magnify you. Right, the small dog has to stay in the small dog park. They're just not allowing the big dog park. The big dogs can go to the small dog park and we dominate either way.
Would you have a compisation recording now like you going fifty on fifty or have them on truth Talk.
I would not only because Corey's and I'm only talking about this on here because when I did Nick and other interviews and other other places I've interviewed with who are also, you know, as big as Breafast Club? Well, who's bigger than Breakfast Club? Though, y'all got it? But I also told them I said, I'm not I'm not going to address him period. I don't want to bring any attention to him or give him the fume that he needs, because, again, Charlottete, I hear what you're saying.
But he has a total failed career, a total felt, total fail career as a comedian. Is he funny? There are some things he says, yes, that are funny. Has he made it to any place past a podcast of a group of men who agree with just a rhetoric that's just a very negative, distorted narrative of black people in general, especially woman. Kevin Samuels spent only two years doing what Corey does and had a better career than Corey.
Corey been doing it for forty fifty years. He was at improv in LA and can't even get a job there. So that doesn't go to his comedic abilities. That goes to his lack of character. Nobody wanting to work with you. You have gifts and you have professionalism. You gotta have both to make it.
Corey is just a broken person, period, and I do feel like you'll need help.
He needs help.
Coreys off camera. If Corey came and said, doc, let's do off camera sessions, if he wants to do it on camera, because it's just going to be a rhetoric, I'm not doing that to help his career. I will help him as a man, but I'm not here to help him in his career. That's his job. I'm not here to carry a man that ain't minds or float a man that ain't mind, but to help you with your mental health or help you as a person. He's an alcoholic, he drinks a lot. You know, he's he's
over compensating. Those areas, those are places he needs help with. Did you guys see what he looked like on Cam Newton interview. I'm not talking about looks many attractiveness. Do you see how unwell hygienically clean he looks? And say, no, this ties into mental health.
You know that.
But health. Right, you run you ran up actually an amazing organized mental wealth experts.
Thank you.
It will think I was so honored and privileged to be that. It was an amazing But I want to say thank you that we know that keeping up your hygiene is one of the number one symptoms to depression. The number one way you're able to see that somebody's depressed or in their addiction or over compensating and addicted behaviors is how they keep themself up. That's how parents could look at their kids and be like, you're not bathing, your hygiene is not up to par. What's going on?
That man's hygiene was on negative two hundred. What I'm saying is he needs deeper help than me coming on fifty one fifty to bring him a bigger audience. He can sal to fifty one fifty, but he needs to be able to fifty one fifty himself and get the help that he needs.
Lord doctor was talking.
You were talking earlier about growing up in the wrong and vib and you learn what not to do. And I think that is difficult for a lot of parents, right because, like I always say, my father raised me out of fear and not love. Because he didn't want me to make the same mistakes that he may growing up in the same environment. Right, So what would you say to you know, parents who are who are navigating that,
like who have kids? You know y'all are they're in the same environment that you grew up in and you want them to get out of it, but you weren't even able to navigate.
Through it yourself.
Yeah. I think that again, seeking wise counsel. I think that therapy coaching should be a lifestyle. It shouldn't be something that someone does for preventitive or intervention measures. And I think that parents need to just be one hundred and transparent with their kids. I think they need to say, listen, this is my first time doing you, raising you, knowing you. I've I've never known a fifteen year old you, So I don't know what to do here, you know what
I mean. Let's sit down a dialogue. Can you use some of your critical thinking skills? Do you have resources at your school? Help? Let me help you. Let's do this. I think the transparency of it is what allows kids to be vertical on who they are. I think that handing them everything, problems solving for them and doing everything
for them, especially men. It handicaps y'all. So when you have to be the head, you now have a mother who taught you how to be the neck, and then you want to be mad at a woman who comes in and she has to be in her alpha, because who the hell is going to be the head to this thing? So I think it's about transparency. And I think parents got to stop having this mommy daddy guilt and stop feeling like they have to be this perfect parent.
I think your kids seeing your vulnerability and your imperfections will actually aid them in ways more than them seeing your perfection.
You think kids are too soft.
I think parents are too soft and kids are too soft these days. Yeah, the Bible says an undisciplined child is an unloved child. I think kids are feeling unloved because they're not being disciplined.
What is too soft for you? Now?
And the reason I asked is, like Charlamage said, you know, there were certain things. I mean, my kids can't do it anyway, but there was certain things that you can do and you couldn't do right. And I run the household the same way, right. But if you look at these kids now, a lot of them are a lot softer, a lot weaker, cry faster. You hear depression, you hear a lot of triggering words that I don't even think
that they know what they're saying. They just see it because they see it on TV or they heard somebody say it online. But also people will say that the reason that these kids like that because parents can't par in anymore, because if they yell at their child, if they pop a child, or if they do anything that their parents did to them, accept abuse, they will be told on to the school and CPS.
Will be at their door. So listen, My grandmother whooped my ass and I call the police while I was down nine. She put one on one and told them when they got there, I'll whooped her ass if you take me to y'all gonna come home and I'm gonna beat her ass again. So whatever you're gonna do, let's do it. And I would never take away her discipline. That's how I know she Well, you know how, First of all, I'm not even a mama. I'm the oldest of seven. I got about nahnies of the nephews. Do
you know how much energy it takes? Well, y'all have kids to discipline a child, to watch them to see when they're doing right or wrong. The love part is the time it takes to even watch to see what I'm doing to discipline me. So a lot of parents, to me, this gentle parenting is just called lazy parenting. That means I'm not in the mood to parents. I
got things I'm trying to do. I'm trying to figure my life out, or I'm a single parent, I'm trying to date, or I'm trying to get a sense of self, so I don't even have time or energy to deal with disciplining.
You.
I think that's more of what it's about. And no, it does not work. These kids have no guidance. They're a very lost generation. I mean, I'm gonna go there. You look at the campaign this year. You know, all due respect to says Kamala. She threw a concert and I like Meg and I like I love Glorilla. She threw a concert with Meg and Glorilla, thinking that that was going to move an influence our community to vote
for her. You think that we're that low functioning that you cannot talk politics to us and legislation to us for us to choose you based on leadership, that we're gonna choose you based on who's dropping it like it's hot or who's bringing in a concert.
I agree with that.
I said that, you know, I would rather just had Megan up there talking about women's rights, women's reproductive the way card.
Fantastic and Cardi's are.
But Cardi been talking politics for YETI would come on there with no wig care everywhere and all this she fucked up, and then we're running whole bill that she could just author and try to pull into legislation. So what I'm saying is this, this camp, This whole election showed you the level of where our kids are, and I'm like, really, but it also showed you it didn't work. It didn't work.
I saw you said too that you're comment on the fact that Kamala didn't come out that first night when she didn't win, speak to that and speak to the common because we were upset about.
Oh yeah, another unpopular opinion. I don't care.
She proved why the people.
Men and women who are not ready for a woman president are not ready for a women president because society and some men, not all, deem women as emotionally unstable and unable to regulate our emotions since when you knew you weren't winning or weren't in the lead. And these kids, these babies, these adults were at a historical black university that you went to, Howard waiting hours for you. They
had volunteered. I'm sure they had to contributed, and they probably voted for you and supported you this entire time. You couldn't come out and address the people who supported you. That's proven to the people who don't believe women could lead at that level, that a woman can't regulate her emotions enough to come out and take an ail. I don't care if she would have came out in tears. Listen, I'm sorry we lost, whatever that looks like. And this husband, listen, I'll give.
A little pushback on that because Donald Trump never gave a concession speech, nor would he even admit that he lost.
Listen. And I'm not in support of Donald Trump. But Donald Trump didn't need to come out because he never conceded. He also stood a tin toe down and said, y'all, which I'm not saying I agree with this, y'all rigged it. I won. I'm not conceding. He still got the keys.
To the White House, but he didn't come to his people even when they when that night, he never came out.
And that was when he lost to Jobidy. He never came out. That's what I just said.
But she said he didn't come out. But he didn't come out at all to speak to this peace.
I just said.
But we're talking about Trump, who runs on being that type of person. So his people never expected that. Just like when someone says, well, Trump's a racist, he's running on that. Trump is talking about getting rid of the U I D E. I. He has said that. Kamala came out and showed us all this love and support after she said I can't do just something for the black community. But on the day that I get into office, I'm gonna sign my very first bill that's called immigrant reform.
That's doing something for a group of people. Now I'm black in Hispanic, so I ain't got a problem against immigrants. But what I'm saying is, if you can't do something for one group of people, my love, that's one group of people, and let me move for it. But when you took the l let me add to that. Not only did you not come out, you sent a man to come out and address these people. He was fine too. You sent a man, isn't he I don't be married, but that man was handsome. I sent a man to
come out and address the people. You didn't even send another woman or a black woman. This was a woman's moment, and that's what she made it. Black and woman. You sent a man to do a woman's job, and in my opinion, that all that did was tell the folks who said women can't lead, see she sent a man out to do it, and then came out the next day and said, Okay, I'm gonna have this. That's not leadership.
To me, leadership is commitment, and commitment is doing what you said you would Doe regards of how you feel, I don't care how you felt. Kamala, come out and address us. Those kids left what they had down. They weren't sad just because she lost. They were sad because they were looking for who was still their leader, whether she lost or not. To come out and address those kids, that's wrong. That's just out of pocket. That's not leadership.
And you got to have a backbone. So I mean, either I still supported her, I voted for her, but I didn't see the leadership in her from the beginning, but I was rooting for her. I wanted sister to show different. But when she didn't show up for that, I said, this is it. You know, maybe I'll run in four years and I'll run black and women, and
I'll run all these ways. And I'm you know, very lovingly criticizing Kamala for and maybe when I win, you know, y'all will say, well, of course you came out Doc because you won.
He is married too. I looked it up for you, sister personally.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, okay. We grew up in La. Everyone and everyone in LA, and that's how you know in La we know each other. Yeah, unless she in the eighties eighties kids.
I was gonna ask, when's the last time you apologize or last time you were wrong about something?
You remember?
Good question? It probably no, probably was, no, It probably was to my best friend Lola and my assistant. We work so closely together, We're always together. And because I'm so comfortable with her, she gets all of my moving parts right. So she gets like the really good mes, she gets like the Braddy meats, she gets the what
the fuck are you doing? You're moving too slow? Me you know, she gets the thank you me and then she gets to like, you know, I'm sorry, you're right that was a little brash or you know, so probably her to be honest with me, what.
About to me and that you're dating.
They never get an apology, I actually though, because you are very strong in opinion and stuff like that. And I think men think that women that are structured like you don't know how to be accountable and don't know how to apologize.
I'm very accountable. I do apologize, and that's why I said, I want a man who will say with respect and me. He ain't about to just dominate, like shut your ass uptight. You know. He can be disrespectful. But I want a man who's like, hold on you out of pocket right now, you know, like we don't do that. This is not what we do. And I like you strong, but this
is not strong. This is disrespectful, baby. But I want him to be able to know how to say it, and then I will be like, you know, even if it's not in that moment, I can process and be like, you know what, you're right, and I do. I will apologize. I will come to myself because I have the discipline of that self talk of saying stop you know, or I will say, listen, you've already apologized, You've done everything you could right now. It's not a youth problem. I'm
still trying to get out of my ego. So just give me thirty minutes, because baby, you've apologize like you do on your job. And then I come around in twenty thirty minutes and I'm like, okay, I'm back and I'm sorry too.
That's awareness, that's acountability.
And the thing is when you really want peace, and that's the thing about being single for so long though.
I can, yes, you find it, you figure it out, you find.
A piece and enjoy that. When you do get in a relationship, you gotta make sense. And when you do get a relationship, though, you're really saying, let's deaden this, let's deadness argument, because see, I'm so used to being happy because it's just me that I just want to get to the cuddle part again. I just want to get to the happy part again. So what do we
need to do just to be good? And people who are so used to being in relationships with this circle dysfunction of argument, they leave that marriage and do the same thing.
Have you ever got afraid that you're going to get so used to that piece that you're not gonna want to do nothing? Because I tell myself the other time, like I'm in such a good state, I don't want nothing to bother me.
But no, because I have been I have been serial dating for the six years I've been single. So when I say single, it means I haven't been committed but committed. But have I had like three months six months relationships that went that long season or word exclusive and we're committed in that season because I am very into exclusivity. I don't like casual sex, and so I will accidentally go a year, year and a half celiban because I don't like the casualty of sex, you know what I mean?
And so yeah, no, So I'm dating like I mean, like I have someone that I spend time with now that I will go on dates with. We're not committed, So I'm still single, but I'm a woman who I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna have a companion around. I love companionship and I love a man's energy. That tassostron, that alpha energy is recharging for me. And it's not something that I would just say like, oh I could do without. No,
I want it. I love it, and so I keep around what I want and when I decide to, I would choose that one person to be around for the long term.
Well, when does that decision happen for you?
Now, I'm in my choosing stage, so it's gonna happen now soon. I'm in my choosing stage. But but I'm not I'm not desperate, so it's not like again, I'm not choosing just a high valued man. I'll even take a man who's a little less value, meaning a little less income money. But I just love this man. He's my person.
So you would take the bus driver.
I don't, well, only know because he's away from me for too long and he's coming home with money that's not worth the value of the time. I'm not getting with you.
What if he's a good man?
I guess That's why I'm confused about what the high value man think, because I'm like, I understand he got the bank, but what if he's just got a poor spirit.
What if he got a poor character. What if he's not willing to do the work on him.
Stuff like That's why I'll take little less value in higher functioning, Like I don't want high value, little functioning. I'll take a little less value, right because I do well on my own. Am I going to take care of a man? No? Am I gonna spoil the hell out of him? Hell? Yeah, But I'm not gonna take care of you. But will I go? Will I take you on a trip because you mind's? Yeah? What I buy you a brand new car when you come home?
And this is the lambel you wanted? Hell yet? But are you going to be a man who is not submitting to me either? Or can't be in your outf or you ain't paying no bills, or you're not respecting me, you're not coming to support my shows, You're not on my speaking towards. No, I'm not doing it with a man who's not doing those things. But do I need you to just take full car of me? And then I still got my hand out? No, I'm submitting to you. You're have in house loving. I'm not gonna deny that.
Whatever I gotta do, I got you. I did that in relationships, and that's why the men I've been with are the men I've dated also have always wanted to marry me because I'm a good woman. I treat them that I'm loving, but also because I'm not choosing a man just for their value. I want you to have money. I want to go to Mauthey's. I want a trip.
I want you to buy me a Burkin. Not because I want a Burken, It's because I want it from you, right, And so the Burken or the Louis or whatever the hell coming from you is what I plays value in. And that's what makes me love the bad That's what makes me love the iPhone because you bought the iPhone
for me. Yeah right, so yeah, yeah, I mean he could. Yeah, so I would, and I would regular rather have a regular man who isn't in the limelight, who we both don't have to straddle this this whole industry thing, and he can go run a business or go be a corporate guy. He can come to my shows and we can go home and have intellectual pillow talk. I can go home and put my hair in a in a bird's nest and walk around with sweats and a tank top and no brawl. He is always so you got the show.
Truth talks.
I do truth talks before we get out of here. Truth talks is my new talk show. It's on Fox. It's Monday through Friday.
Eight To give you a.
Sometimes the producers are like, Doc, you know, give the other co hold time to talk. I'm like, I gotta do that, But it's cool. We're pretty much we're a global news. We're a CNN that gives you the black voice, the black perspective, and we're bringing truth to everything news with culture uh twist to it. So we're every night eight pm prime Time. Love that follow follow me on Underscore, doctor Brian on Instagram social media, or you can go to doctor Brian dot com and that's doctor Brian dot
coeo not dot com. And then I'm on my speaking tour. So every weekend I am on the tour with Tonight's Conversation, but I'm also on my own speaking tour. So every weekend go to my website of my social media, You'll see that I'm with Tonight's Conversation for the rest of this year, but i also have my own speaking tour in Chicago. We got Atlanta, we got l A, we got London, we got Canada, we have Iowa. I'm like, I'm like, y'all are black people Iowa?
Right?
That's when I be on my comedy, so like who was in Wisconsin?
Two people in Iowa who are black, whose lives I can shift are changed. The doc is on her way with the doc is on her way. We're gonna do it. Yeah, that's doctor.
We appreciate you.
I am thank you all for having us, but no, Charlotman, seriously, thank you for being such an advocate this whole mental health. It's not an event you you have a mental health movement going on. When I came there, people, I mean to see black people, black men with like mental health for black people, a black man for mental health and
mental health is life changed. They had like merch with everything mental health black and even though it's for all races and our ages, your panelists there were just giving incredible information. People were sitting there intrigued, entertained, but more than that, people were leaving with gyms that they were really like, Yo, this event is powerful, So thank you for having that.
I needed you there, like when you were like top of the lism like doctor Brian got to be there.
So I'm happy that we can make that happen.
You have.
Thank It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning, Thank you. Wake that ass up in the morning. The Breakfast Club