Wake that ass up in the morning.
The Breakfast Club.
Morning, everybody, It's DJ n V Charlamagne the Guy.
We are the Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in the building. Yes, indeed we have Pastor Mike Todd.
Welcome brother, what's going on? Family'all good?
Yes, man, I'm blessed. Man, I'm at the Breakfast Club with y'all.
I'm blessed, black and holly favored.
You are definitely black, blessed and highly favored. It I feel like all of us are blessed, black and hot. Feels good.
Thank you for having me, Man, Happy to have you new book, damage would not destroyed from trauma to triumph. Yes, sir, powerful title. Bro.
It's my life and it's honestly, I believe a lot of people's life that they don't share.
You know.
You see everybody from people who've gone from the gutter to this big platform, or people who've just made it out of the hood or just made it from where they thought they would never come, but then they shut up and stopped telling the actual story about how they got from where they were to where they are now.
I have a theory about that.
What is it?
I think the theory now, like I'm forty five years old, so you look good. It so grown, thank you brother. So growing up, you know, it was those stories of overcoming, those stories of making mistakes and you know, becoming a better person that we always gravitated towards that we learned from. Nowadays, because of this soul called cancel culture, Yeah, nobody wants
to talk about the mistakes that they made. Yeah know, nobody because they feel like they'll be judged for them and crucified for them, which they probably.
Will, well, but it's temporary.
Like the truth of the matter is, because I'm a person of faith, I believe the truth of the matter is the we overcome by the blood of the Lamb. That's what crisis them. But the words of our own testimony, even if you don't believe what I believe, the truth is when you see somebody else go through something and you make it through it, it gives you courage, It gives you hope, it gives you dang maybe I can
do that too. And a lot of people are robbing other people of the fuel that they need to overcome their actual situation because they scared. Number one and number two is because they feel like, maybe my worst moment defined me, but I found that my worst moment that's who that's what made me. And so I just wanted to come like completely clean, completely raw. I say, hot, humble, open, and transparent, and I mean it takes also the power out of what anybody can ever say about me.
I used to I believe you. I agree with everything you say. I always say, live your truth, so nobody can use your truth against you. Well, boy, they will.
Try, they'll try.
The truth of the matter is, but if it's real, like when you cut it open and it's real and you actually grew from it, and you actually learn from the cheating, and you actually did the work and went the therapy and you actually yeah, no, I did'bazzle that money, but I'm not gonna do that and never again. And I'm like, when you actually grow. I believe that this life is about progression, not perfection. And on the GRAM and in front of people, were always trying to present perfection.
But I really believe, like when you cut it all down, it's one baby step in front of another baby step in front of another baby step, and you look up and like, how did I get here? It was a bunch of small moments that got you today. You say that, but then I don't.
I don't think people necessarily care about that, right, because let's let's take one of the biggest things I think people have been talking about in the last week, right, Jada piot Smiths.
Yeah, right.
People have been talking about how she's so foul on Will and how she did this and how. But we always talk about tell your truth right, good, bad, and different. We don't know what happened in their relationship. Have nob the way your marriage is, the way my marriage is, the way their his marriages is not the way their marriage might be, So you we don't know, But people have been killing them and killing their relationship based on things that we don't know.
When she was just sharing her.
Truth because please believe, I'm sure there's somebody out there that's living a life just like them and now feels comfortable being able to talk about.
It because she was able to talk about But but those are moments like, think about what y'all talked about a year ago compared to what y'all talk about today, compared to what you're gonna talk about next month. The truth of the matter is in the culture that we the feedback culture that we live in right now, everybody's just trying to say, what's gonna get them a happy meal off of the YouTube clips, right like, that's what
everybody's trying to say right now. But the truth of the matter is the person that is in the situation, that's in the fire, is that fire actually purifying something out of you? Is that fire actually making you into something? Fire is not bad. It actually purifies the real and so most people, every piece of gold and jewelry had to be put against fire. The problem is when it's not authentically who you are, when it's not really what's in you, that stuff gets melted away and that's where
people get exposed. That's where people like I was all about this and not all about this. When fire hit, it shows like that's not what you was really about. And so for me, I just think that too many people, especially black, especially black people, we do not face the damage that we went through.
We run from it, we go away from it.
We try to Gucci Louie down, we try to get out of the neighborhood. We try to but the truth of the matter is we're running from an insecurity at fifteen.
Putting kon on dog shit.
That's like that.
I wouldn't say it like that, but because you said it like that, say amen, you know what I'm saying. But the truth of the matter is we're hoping people don't actually find out what it really is. And we're about to go into Thanksgiving, people going back to families they hate.
We're going back into Christmas.
People about to buy expensive stuff and going through debt for children that they don't know, but they keep Jordan's up, Like, just think about all the things, Like these kids don't even know who their real daddy is or who their actual family is. But instead of facing it, instead of going to counseling with our kids, instead of just saying I'm sorry, like we just gonna keep moving on up. We gonna keep buying new cars, we gonna keep getting new wigs, And I'm like, yo, something has to change.
We have to deal with our damage. And I believe that God loves damaged people. Like you can't find nobody in the Bible, nobody in faith that wasn't jacked up. But God does his best work with damaged people. If you would just admit I'm damaged.
How important is a support system right, because he came with your wife, charl Amazement, with his wife twenty five of him my wife. How important is that because a lot of times you hear people say I don't need that.
I'm looking for a guy that's gonna make this much money.
But that's done.
They never talk about the heart.
The truth of the matter is dumb. Yeah, it's dumb. Like I tell people all the time. I did a book. My first book was called Relationship Goals, and I have this whole chapter in the book about rip up your list, And I know people are gonna say whatever they're gonna say about they got.
This list, you're still single.
The truth of the matter is, like the truth of the matter is is a lot of times God never hands you a finished product. He hands you something you gotta work. And that's why Ike is one of the greatest furniture companies. No matter what you think about it is they give you something that you have to put your hands to, to a symbol, and it gives people another greater level of satisfaction because when they actually put their hands in to help make that thing happen, it
feels like I've accomplished something. Relationship is the same way. God never TDJ says it. God never gives you a table, He gives you a true The same thing with the relationship, and so I think many times people need to rip up their lists and actually look for the things that are in the heart. You can't instagram integrity, you can't facebook faithfulness.
And so look at my man he da da dah.
The greatest things that have made me and my wife's relationship work, I cannot show you on a post. It has to be lived out, proved out, and over time. And so when you say support system, bro, that's what that is. Literally the only reason I'm here right now is because I got people who could see me at my worst and still think of me in my best
situation to steal. Like while it still smells like that word that you said just the second ago, they still walking with me, and like, I'll actually I'll be with you because I know it's not gonna be like this. The whole time I tell people, community is everything. Having mentors is everything. Being around people that are further than you is everything. And if you're gonna deal with your damage, you need that because a lot of people do it
in isolation, and COVID has really jacked up people. And when I say that, I'm not even talking from a health standpoint physically. I'm talking about a mental health standpoint, a spiritual health standpoint, a relational health standpoint. People went into their caves and started spectating on what everybody was doing, and it made them look out instead of looking.
I agree with that, but I also feel like during COVID, a lot of people had to stop and see themselves for the first time.
Yeah, and they didn't like what they saw, But then we went back outside. So it's one thing to see it, it's another thing to deal with it. It's one thing to see it, and it's another thing. I mean, vacations or or travel is gone up like a thousand percent because people are trying to escape, running from they running from themself, and the only person you cannot finess is you or.
This significant other. A lot of people in COVID realized they didn't like their partner.
They hated them.
They hated their partner because you know, usually you think about it, you.
Know, you work for eight nine hours and yeah, you come home for a couple hours and you only really see in your partner for a couple hours.
But COVID exposed to everybody.
And this is where I think for most of us, it's time to take our trauma and know that our trauma can go to triumph. Every horrible thing that ever happened to me, every trashy thing I did to myself, When I brought that to counseling, to my community, to christ it was like, oh, yeah, we can package that, we can move that, we could cut that. Oh you needed to learn that, and then it became the pain
that built the platform. And I'm just trying to go first, specially in somebody who does what I do as a pastor or a leader. We usually stand on a platform and tell everybody, you know, you need to work on this, you can do this. And I was like, yeah, I'm gonna take a different approach. I'm gonna go do it.
First.
I'm gonna go to intensive therapy.
Me and my wife gonna fly to Colorado for a whole year every month and spend five days in counseling for five hours. We're gonna, we're gon, We're gonna work work, oh, because what's not transformed is transfer. Everybody leaving an inheritance for their kids and money and cars.
But they're leaving poor spiritual, emotional, and mental health.
So what happens when you give a kid who's never been seen, who's never actually known their identity, and who has no self worth a million dollars?
What do you think they're gonna do.
They're gonna buy friends, They're gonna go out here and try to numb because they don't want to feel like I just think that we could do it better.
I'm not saying be broke, I'm saying be rich everywhere.
What was your breakthrough moment that invites you to be so vulnerable in this book.
Bro I have a son, our second son. His name is MJ my namesake.
He has autism, and me and my wife we're going through the height of our ministry and our business is growing and everything's exploding.
My first book goes number one New York Times Bestseller.
I barely graduated English class, Like, I'm in a shock. And then our only son, we take him to the doctor and they're like, yeah, he's not progressing normally. He's not talking, he's not looking anymore, and he was going the right way and then just something switched. And my motor has always been let me be greater let me be better, let me make more money, let me do this. And I tried to do everything I knew how to do, and it didn't fix nothing. Getting a bigger platform, writing
another book, making more money, it didn't do anything. And so when my motor broke, it was like, what's going on. I'm watching my wife slip into depression. Nothing is working, and so I was like, hold on, we got to start working on this. I was sitting with my mentor, Tim Ross at a crackle barrel outside of Oklahoma City, and I was just telling him what I was going through, and we started thinking about back over my life and he said yeah. He was like, yeah, when did God's
standard become lower than your standard? And I was like, what are you talking about. He was like, Michael, you've been telling me all this stuff. You want to make better and you want it.
To be great.
You keep using this word great, great, great, he said, But in the beginning, when God created the heavens and the earth, he looked at it and he said it's good.
And then he created the stars.
And he created the land and said you go right here, you go right here, created the animals. Going through the whole creation, he said it's good. Then he created man on the sixth day, and he said, you know what, that's very good. He said, if God's standard is good, why is yours great? And then he asked me this question. He said, when did you make a decision that good was not good enough? And immediately I went back to
twelve years old when I'm in church. My parents raised us in church, and I played drums since I was young, and I would.
Go at twelve years old to the choir rehearsal because my.
Dream was to play in big church, like play with the big choir, like not the you for the junior. I wanted to play and I was good, and I would go every Tuesday, only twelve year old there and they would never let me play.
They would tell me I was great.
They would tell me that man, you getting so good and bingch my cheeks, take all the little stuff.
But they would never let me play. They probably had a legitimate reason.
But I remember sitting on that that maroon chair in the back and deciding, I guess good is not good enough.
I will only be great. And what ended up happening from twelve.
Years old to thirty five years old. I would not settle for anything good. And now I'm looking at my son and he's not good and I couldn't.
I couldn't.
I couldn't rationalize or reconcile what was going on in me. And God was like, You're gonna have to become okay with things being good. And I had to go and heal that twelve year old Michael to be able to even raise the thirty five year old Michael and raise his son. And Bro, I went on a journey Bro to like actually deal with the damage that was in me.
And as I did that, it was what'd you say?
My wife said. I couldn't fix her either. I couldn't even relate because there was so much stuff on the inside of me that I had just put success over, money over, put all this other stuff over. And it was kind of like, yeah, like we out here and man, because I went on this heeling journey because I spent the money. Everybody talking about investing property, You're the only thing that is priceless.
Always invest in your mental wealth.
I want you invest in yourself. You got Jay's you don't even wear for three years, you sending them in boxes and you won't even invest in dealing with why your daddy left you, and you you so broken over it, but you just can't even communicate to nobody. And now you're raising another generation that you're there present, but you're not there present emotionally.
You have to start from some place you got us.
But that's why I went first, DJ ANDV. This is why I wrote this book. This may not be my most popular book, but it's my most valuable book because if anybody actually reads this, if anybody actually like goes in it, they're gonna be like, dang, I can see myself, I can see where this could happen, and maybe I'll take the first step right, And that's all I'm trying to get somebody to do. Take a first step, Like, don't even freaking think about being this next version of yourself.
Just take admit that you are still hurt from that first relationship, because you have been in seventeen other relationships.
Acting like he ain't it, I ain't this, and like you're still hurt from oh boy.
In two thousand and eight.
Man, you know, that's exactly why I wrote my second book, Shook on Anxiety, playing tricks on me, And that's you know, it was me just talking about the things I had learned in therapy, but I had an actual psychiatrist, doctor ish major in the book with me because that's what I wanted. I wanted to admit that not only am I damaged, I wanted to talk about my traumas, but I wanted somebody to read that book and just take a first step.
That's it.
That's it, because the first step leads to the next step, and most of us have been so caught up on perfection, bro, that it is jacking your whole life up.
It's progression. Somebody may lead to the next step.
But if you just scutin, like if you barely like dang, I just listened to the podcast and I'm gonna go get the book, or I'm gonna just watch a message like or I'm gonna go get Charlot Mane, Like, just take a step because the end of the day, man, you're well being, who you really want to be is available to you.
I love how you talk about you know how you need God and therapy?
Yeah, bro, you know.
How people feel like you can't have bocal They'll say things like you can't have faith in God. Faith and fear don't coexist.
I don't I don't know.
The first thing you gotta realize is the opposite of faith is not fear. The opposite of faith is love. The Bible says perfect love cast out all fear. The truth of the matter is, most people don't know how love they are by God, so that's where fear really comes from. But the truth of the matter for me is, I've been raised in church. I'm a pastor's kid, I've been around in my whole life, been at the altar, play, done all the other stuff. And I believe. Me and
my wife believe in theology and therapy. We believe in prayer and going to a practice. We believe in worshiping and doing the hard work. Because the truth of the matter is, many times what happens at church, at.
The altar, in your alone time with.
God is a catalyst. It's supposed to start something. And for years, especially in the black church room, for many reasons, like maybe because we didn't have access to things, and maybe because we weren't taught about them, or maybe generationally there was a stigma on it. But we act like everything happened when they prayed.
No no, no, no, no no no no.
Everything started when they prayed and we're supposed to continue to pray. But there was some stuff that was in me that I had to communicate about. If you watch Jesus in the Bible, most of the miracles happened in communication. They weren't just like bow and then it's over. It was they were walking with him. He had disciples that walked with him like me and you sitting here that was still cutting people's ears off, still backstabbing, still doing stuff, But.
It was a process.
And I just think that church has to do a better job at letting people know that when you get saved, that's your spirit getting saved, but you still got this flesh, and you still got this soul, the mind, willing emotions, and it has to be continually worked on. It has to be continually transformed. And that's why I go to church, That's why I read my Bible. Because I can make a good decision today and be ready to go off on somebody tomorrow. I need to continually be in this
process of becoming. The old folks would say sanctification, the process of being made holy.
All I'm trying to do is be set apart. But it's a process to that.
And I just think again, that's why I go back to progression not perfection.
Men. That's your question, right, let's go.
So my daughter was talking to the other day and she was talking about the Bible, right, yeah, and she was telling me that there was a lot of things in the Bible that wasn't understandable to her, right, meaning that she felt like the world crucifies you for certain things that are in the Bible, but for other things, they don't crucify you as much. So for her, she was having a hard time necessarily believing as much because
she was like, it doesn't make sense. Yeah, and when a child says it doesn't make sense, she's putting two and two together. So what would you say to a child or young adult that's reading the Bible, even adult that's reading the Bible, and say, hey, when you talk about this in the Bible, it's kind of like it happens every day.
But when you talk about this, it's.
Like, oh my gosh, you can't do that. So what do you say on that effect?
Number One, you cannot look at culture to be able to get what you need to get from the Bible.
So that's the first.
There's some things in the Bible that I cancel you forever do those jobs sponsors.
But it's so in the Bible.
So the truth of the matter is the spirit of the Bible is stronger than the word of the Bible, the letter of the Bible. And that's why I.
Believe you have to have an actual relationship with God. Because the Bible is the only book that you read it. It'll start reading you, you'll read something like that, don't feel right, and the heart of it, I believe the spirit of God will speak to you, give you an impression on your heart, bring clarity, and I think think you should study to show yourself approved. There's tons of stuff in the Bible that I'd be like, dang, like whoa, okay,
what do I do with that? Well, this is a different culture in a different time that all this stuff was happening. But behind everything that happens in the Bible, there's an idea, a spirit, and a meaning behind it, and it's finding that thing. What I would encourage your daughter to do is first not just start. There's some parts in the Bible that if you start there, you're gonna be confused for the rest of your life. Start with the Gospels, go to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.
Just learn about Jesus. He's the fulfillment of the whole Bible. So when you go to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John and watch how he touched people, Watch how he loved people. Watch how when church people were telling him not to heal people, he was stepping out on days that he was not supposed to heal nobody and reaching beyond people's faults and seeing their needs.
Learn the person of Jesus. That's what I would tell anybody.
Don't go start in the Old Testament trying to figure out what all the sacrifices are in Leviticus and Deuteronomy. Just start because in the person of Jesus, he is the Word. And when that word comes to life in you. And then tell her to watch some of my messages. Tell her to check in with somebody who's done the studying and can break it down in another level.
How does your daughter one twenty one?
Tell her to go back and watch Relationship Goes by Mike Todd, Like, just send it to her, And I'm telling you there, sometimes it's harder to understand something when you approach it by yourself instead of approaching it with somebody who knows.
How did your car work?
All of us we go to our car and we probably y'all y'all rich, So y'all push a start button or don't even touch it and it comes on.
You don't know all of the things that happened for that to happen.
But if you get with a mechanic somebody who works with that, they'll be able to say, hey, this is how this happens.
And you come with another understanding.
So I believe that the Bible is something that you approach by yourself and you're alone time, but you can't stay there. I had to get people to help me understand that thing. And I think that's what I would tell your daughter.
You know, I want to go back to the theology in therapy thing. I got a couple of questions about that. My good brother little Duval, he posted a few weeks ago. He put a lot of y'all going to therapy because you're avoiding God.
No no, no, no no. I that may be his experience.
I think a lot of people need to go to therapy because of what God has shown them, And a lot of times God shows you you in situations and I will agree. I'll say this, some people are going to therapy running from God, like I will say that, because they need to prove that they are working on something, and so going to therapy paying the thing not being checked in just going and sitting there for an hour that could make you feel good, like you check something off.
But I do truly believe that we have.
Been made by a creator and God has given people the ability to understand me and my wife had to do this thing called reprocessing. I don't know if everybody knows what that means, but like literally, you have to go to a situation, you have to think about that situation, and then you have to actually think about what you wish would have happened, how it could have been different. You got to retrain the pathways in your brain to
be able to see here feel something different. And God made us that unique, and so I believe it's both. And I believe there are some people that will go to therapy running from God, and I think there's some people that go to God running from therapy.
Do I think everybody needs therapy? Yes?
The Bible says that there is wisdom in the multitude of counselors. I don't think that everybody just needs therapy for their emotional stuff. They need therapy for their finances. I got counselors for my finances. I got counselors from
our relationship. I got counselors. If the Bible says there's wisdom in the multitude of counselors, like you need therapy and just how to respond sometimes to your kids, like I mean, we were all raised differently, but sometimes especially in our community, like the hand the embarrassing our kids, be rating our kids, A lot of that stuff is just because it happened to us, and we've never admitted how much that jacked us up. So then we try to do it to the next generation and see like
and then and play it like it's good parenting. All I'm saying is maybe you need to talk to somebody, like maybe you actually need to communicate what being embarrassed in the grocery store actually did to you and why you all puffed up every time anybody tries to correct you.
I think the issue with mental and spiritual therapy is if we could actually look at it the way we look at physical therapy, we'd have a different we'd have a different mindset. On it because my arm breaks, I know I need to go. My mom can pray over it. Yes, I can go to church and everything, but I still got to go to a doctor.
And it's not that just like you get the surgery, but then after it heals, you have to do thing. Why because I'm trying to get it not just back to where it was. I'm trying to get it stronger than it was, like so that it doesn't And they tell you if it breaks in that place and you actually do the therapy, it's a very small chance.
That'll ever break there. Again. It's not that nothing else will break.
But because you broke it there, you were damaged, you did the work, you healed, and then you did the therapy, you actually don't even have to worry about that area no more. And I agree with you, Charlet Magne. That's the coldest thing I think I heard you say in a year, Like if people would view the emotional healing they need like a physical healing, everybody would do the work.
But you know the problem is the problem is is like what you said before, it's learned behavior. Yes, sir, like most of our parents no didn't go to therapy.
And if they did. Never told us hold like that was grown up business. We didn't know about it.
To this day.
I love my parents, but it still is a thing like you going to therapy, And again I haven't been able. I'm not a therapist to the nation her Mama, Ma, mama. As many times as we was telling them we were going to therapy, it almost seemed like a shot. It's a problem, what's wrong with you?
Most people do.
But the truth of the matter is both of our parents as well as many of our parents have had health issues. When they have to go get glasses, when they have to wear a boot, when they have to do anything to get back to the vision they were once at, nobody says anything. We spend money, we raise money, we use insurance, we do all of those things to get back to a place we were. Why wouldn't we since we've been damaged since five ten, seventeen twenty six,
why wouldn't we do everything we can? And that's why when I wrote this book, I knew that I had to do something that most people, specifically in a pastoring role, a shepherd over people, or anybody that's doing this in twenty twenty three, that's too much ammunition for somebody to be able to discredit me.
My freedom was more important.
How do you know when to bring your pain to a therapist and when you bring your pain to God?
I think you bring all your pain to God. I don't think the Bible says cast all your cares upon him because he cares for you. It says take on the easy yoke and the easy burden that he has traded him for that. I take everything to God. I acknowledge God in all my ways. He will direct my path. He directed my path to therapy. Bro wasn't I was the pastor. I was the crazy faith God. I was like, Yo,
we're gonna pray, We're gonna believe. And God was like, no, you're gonna sit your butt down and talk to an old white lady.
What like, let's just let's shout.
And he was like, no, you need to cry, like I mean, I haven't cried. I can count on my hands how many times I have cried as a grown man.
That's not okay.
My body needs to relieve this STOs emotions and that stuff. But I had not been taught how to do that, and just how I needed to be taught how to drive taught how to run a business, taught how to actually be a husband. I needed to be taught how to be able to deal with my emotions. And it was almost like I was seeing in black and white. The reason the cover of the book is black and white is because that's why I was living.
Even though I was smiling, it was black and white. Now, like how I live now, what God's done in my heart?
Now, how I can love this woman now, the four kids that I'm raising, the people I can affect now, bro, it's three D HD color.
And was it hard?
Hell?
Yes, Like it took a lot to keep showing up and to keep paying for it. Come on, let's be for real, Like when you start seeing that tax like you like, oh shoot, but was it worth it? I'm telling you right now it was the greatest investment that I've ever made in myself. And I couldn't keep it
to myself. I could have wrote another book, I could have something, but God was like, Na, you need to you got to share this because there's more people who are damaged and they need to know they're not destroyed.
What are untransferred wounds.
It's the stuff that you said untransferred rooms, The truth of the matter is every wound that you get has the ability to transfer to somebody else in your actions or in your non actions. And that's why I said earlier, what's not transformed, its transferred. You got a lot of your mom and daddy and you that they didn't give you directly like they they gave it to you because you received it the way that you handle issues, the way that you go through stuff. We got a lot
of stuff because they didn't handle it. I'll give a prime example. I tell it in the book. I had a pornography addiction. I mean jack the taking my money, my mind, my focus. Oh bro, Yeah, back in the day, you know when okay, come on now, don't act like you did in three ninety nine.
Sometimes come on now.
And if you was buying magazines or if you're doing any ofthing, come on, let's be honest. It was robbing me and the money was the least part of it. Well, I'm going through this whole thing by myself. I'm suffering, like, still trying to pray, still trying to love God, still trying to And if somebody's like the pastor, I tell it every Sunday, don't even trip like because we out here,
every man is actually struggling with something. Okay, I'm out here addicted, trying to do what I've been called to do. After I actually start going through the process of healing and making decisions and making disciplines and being accountable and all this other stuff, I find out my dad he was a drum major for Gramlin State University.
And he said, they came to New York. It's crazy.
I'm in New York right now. They came to New York. And there was a street back in the day. Now, this back back in the day where they had peep shows down the whole street.
That's forty second Street.
Okay, so he knows the street, forty street.
And he said, back in the day, they got here on the bus, and he said, he got a pocket full of quarters, and you could go and you could put the thing, the money in the machine, and then the curtain would open and you see naked women. Back in the day, that was the equivalent of pornography, he said. After I told him what I was going through, he said, Mike, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I never told you about it.
I'm sorry I never dealt with it publicly. I'm sorry that I did this, he said, because I had five sons, and every single one of my brothers and me dealt with the sexual addiction because what was not transformed in him was transferred into us, and all of us had to deal with it in another level. And that's what he told me. So I don't know the extent of it. I don't know how it affected him and my mom.
I don't know.
I mean, you know, when you're telling somebody something, at the end, it's like you tell him part you think they can handle. But I know there was real things there because now I'm a man raising four kids.
How do you know you have a sexual addiction to a man? You're supposed to have a healthy sexual athect.
Definitely, you're supposed to have a said, God gave it to you the truth of the man, women from the earth, women of God and of God. But God, all the greatest creation, Oh the best the creation. You see mine back there, glory to the most High God. The problem is the problem is our human nature is leans to over indulgence. I mean, I'm talking about just in a Krispy Kreme doumbn not. I mean, you don't even have
to You're not even hungry. But if somebody puts some hot Krispy creams on the table and before you know it, six of them Jesus, like before you didn't even feel like it was and that and you're still not full. What happens when you eat what's going to go against what you need and you're still not fool.
What if you pouring all of that into your woman? Beautiful with your wife beautiful? I think all of that is beautiful. There is nothing wrong with that. The truth of the matter is if you pour it all into your wife and you still need it from the people at your job, and you still need it from that app and you still need it, I'm not saying within the confines of marriage as well as from my belief
in confines and marriage, nothing's off limits. But that y'all agree on the truth of the matter is people think that the addiction gets solved when they get married.
It never does. So there's some trauma or some drama, or some.
Triggers that actually need to be dealt with, and everybody thinks it's the person. That's The person's not the problem. It's what's in you that you have not addressed. And so that's why four marriages, five marriages? I don't want to be married no more? And you just swing your okay, do that. But after you've done it with everybody, you still feel empty.
How have you fel out?
Everybody made whole careers about it, sung about it, and at the end of the day you still feel empty.
It can't be the sex.
Yeah, I feel like that's people who they trying to feed their ego and not they soul.
But even if you're trying to feed your ego, where did that come from. Somebody didn't see you.
You weren't affirmed.
Somewhere, you got picked over, and it's like, nah, forget that. Everybody gonna see me now. And now I'm just saying that a lot of the things we clapped for as the fruit has a rotten root. Because for me, all the stuff that I was doing and being great at and doing what nobody else was doing in my small little community, like people were applauding me, I was getting attention for it. I was gonna be great. But the truth of the matter is the root of.
It was foul.
It was because I was not affirmed, I was not seen, and I was rejected And until I dealt with that. Everything I did, I was bro I had made more money than I had ever thought I was in. I was doing dreams. I couldn't feel it. I could not feel it because I haven't dealt with my real issue. And that's why I believe God many times brings you to a place where you have nothing else so that you can find everything. And too many people are running
from that place. I actually believe everybody should hit rock bottom at least once. Whatever that is, hit it, because that's where you can fall apart. And when you fall apart, that's when God takes all the pieces and he makes a masterpiece. And so many people are trying their hardest not to fall apart.
Just fall apart.
God does his best work with pieces of people and then he creates masterpieces.
Do you get counseling from the other pastes.
Definitely. People have been in the game a lot longer than me.
Yeah.
Man.
We had an awesome meeting for probably about five hours at a restaurant Tdj's.
He's like the og of OG's.
So we met and it was like in this secret building that was unmarked and we went.
Up and like you hit the floor and it's like a restaurant. I'm like, where am I.
Was like me and with the Godfather you understaying yeah, and I'm like, I'm like, what is going on?
And that man just begin to pour into me.
I love TD Jake's as just somebody who talks even more than preaching.
If you ever get to just talk to him.
It is like and that mentorship, mentorship from Tim Ross, mentorship from Robert Morris, mentorship from Stephen Ferdieck, mentorship from all Like, it's invaluable what you learn from people who've been damaged.
Me and Stephen from the same hometown, no monks going to South Carolina.
Bro, I just preached for him two weeks ago. Yeah, I'm preaching Charlotte two weeks ago and.
My wife because I was already kicked out of school by then, but him and my wife went to high school together.
Bro.
It's it's it's it's invaluable what you can learn from somebody who will share from their damage. And that's what all of those men did. Like, if I think about it right now, like I'm thinking you call it mentoring, but all mentor mentoring it really is is people showing you where they messed up, where they should have done it differently, sharing from their damage and it helps push you into your desk.
Was this after the spit incident?
No, bro, that was before. Okay, I'm the spit hits the fan. That's what I call it.
Break it down. People don't know. I know we reported a long time ago.
It was smearing spin on your brother's fit. I don't even remember what it was. Now your point think about how that was back then, how everybody had you in the storm talking about I don't even remember what it.
Yes, So I did an example at my church. I'm first off, let me say this. I am not a regular preacher, like when I say a regular preacher like I was bored in church, and so when God called me to preach, I was like, all right, I'm gonna actually use everything that I have to help people get it. And so I tell stories, I use examples, and honestly I'm doing everything how Virgil Ablo said for my seventeen year old self. Most seventeen year olds they don't care
nothing about church. They're trying to see the girl with the booty and go eat and go play with it. So I'm trying to like capture. So I've always used examples and stuff like that. And so there's this story in the Bible where Jesus basically heals a man by spitting on his hand and putting on his face. And so this is an example I'd done three times before, and this is what my blood little brother. This is not some random audience member or anything like this.
Now there is a.
Brother we fought blood like, this is my little brother. And he wanted to do the example with me so I could show it. And the whole idea was, like, many people will not be willing to go through a messy process to get their healing. So the idea was this man was blind, he wasn't deaf. So if Jesus is about to spit, he's standing there in front of Jesus and he can hear, Like if you hear somebody
about the Huckabu, you're like, oh my god. And I was trying to say, as disgusting as this is, that man stayed there and he received something that nobody else could give him. And as I was saying that, I said, maybe you the counseling would be messy for you, Maybe apologizing would be messing for you. Maybe downsizing your house would be messy for you after you've put on this whole thing about how God blessed you. But what if on the other side of this mess was your healing?
And I did the example. It worked too well, and by that night we was on DMZ, CNN, next morning, Breakfast Club, all that other stuff, And it was somebody was saying to me the other day.
There was like, do you wish it wouldn't have happened?
I was like, honestly, no, I was like, it shocked me, but what I had to deal with internally and what I had to become okay with inside of me because of that situation.
It made me into a man that I would have never met had it not happened.
Go. I mean, for me, it changed my whole view of who I was called to reach and how much I needed anybody's applause.
I was going The only reason I even bought it up because I felt like you was getting subbed a lot by other pastors.
Yeah it was beautiful.
Yeah, I feel like a lot of other pastors was like trying to call you out, but not say your name.
They don't got my cell phone number, they ain't text me, they just show up.
And this is the beautiful thing about people. Like for many.
Years it was up and to the right everything about what we were doing. This was the first opportunity for somebody to take a hit, and some people tried.
But when God calls you, you can't cancel somebody.
And that's why I was That's why I asked you, you know, who's your mentorship, because I felt like it's good to know that there were other pastors who weren't saying, Oh, you're not gonna talk about the brother I'm.
I had people who pulled up on me. I had people who put their arm around me. But that's what we're supposed to do. If you said, if you say you my brother, if you say you're my sister, if you say we down, that means nothing on the mountaintop. It only means something in the valley. And so I'm grateful for all the men and women and people who rode with us through that storm. Because if you're doing anything, anything of significance, you gonna have in moments, it don't
matter who you are. And so we walked through it, and God has changed me in the process because I wasn't trying to combat anything. What is this exposing about me and thank god I was in therapy, thank God, I had community, thank God. And the crazy thing is I had finished writing this book, so it wasn't even gonna be in the book, and God was like, I'm gonna give you a live example of what this looks like to be damaged but not destroyed.
So I had to go back and re edit the book.
Chapter two or three is when the spit hits the fan, and I walked through how the whole situation because I'm gonna use everything.
I'm gonna die empty.
Man, if it happens to me and God can get glory out of it, I'm gonna use all of it.
No, bro, if we're supposed.
To be defined by our worst moments, then everybody's jacked up. But if we can take our worst moments give it to God, he can flip that thing and turn it into something beautiful.
That's not about me, that's about him. That used to be what the world was about. I mean, I guess I still that is what the world is. Yeah, I can't let social media make me think.
Of Well, the truth of the matter is, it just doesn't get as many clips, that's right, right.
A few weeks before this.
Our church has been a generous church to nonprofits organizations sex trafficking. I started in the hood of Tulsa, Oklahoma, where right up the street from where the Race Massacres happened in nineteen twenty one. Like, that's where my church was. And God somehow took that from a three hundred member
church to a large church that's effecting the world. Well, part of that was I'm not gonna be a church that just has resources and we're not gonna really give Prior to the spit hitting the fan incident, Charllemagne, we gave away in one year eight million dollars with no strings attached. Wow, not one news report, not one clip. Our local news didn't even cover it. Did y'all put out a press release about that eight million dollars.
We even took the three surviving.
Now there's only two people who survived the Race Massacres massacres, and we brought them on Juneteenth. And because they've not received reparations from anybody, not Oklahoma, not not the government anything, we gave them each two hundred thousand dollars with no strings attending.
I know, but the truth of.
The matter is that's not what people desire to feed on hope, They desire to feed on people's failures, and so until we actually do the inner work.
Why the question is why?
Why does the Will and Jada thing make us feel better about us?
Because our relationships with jacked, but we're not living them out alive like they step away from the bike.
Why does potentially seeing somebody lose their money make you feel Why? It's because at the end of the day, there's something in you that is not satisfied, not fulfilled, and so seeing what happens with mag thee Stallion and Tory Lanez and seeing what happens with this pastor who falls, and seeing what happened, it just makes us temporarily not
think about how we need to do some work. And that's why the Bible says, like before you pull that whole log out, that speckle out of your brother's eye, you need to get.
That tree log out of your own.
And right now, it's very easy not to even look at yourself, because I can look at everybody else.
Man damaged.
What do you hope people get from this book?
Man?
I believe that if you read this book and actually do the work that's in here, I tell people this all the time. It may not have been your fault what happened to you, but it is now your responsibility.
It's time to do the work. And I'm just I'm just.
Here to say I've had to do the work in front of people, like with one hundreds of thousand people's watching me, judging me all this stuff. You can do this work, no matter where you are, how much money you have, what your family thinks about it. You will become a different person that will be able to actually be a blessing to other people.
The healed version of you.
Is better than the version of you that you have right now, if you do the work, if you actually do it. Let me just say it like this. I dedicated this book to my great grandkids. In the dedication now my oldest daughter's ten, and I dedicated it because the Bible says a good man leaves.
An inheritance for his children's children.
And yes, I want to leave them houses, yes I want to leave them investments, but I want to leave them emotional health.
I pray one day my grandson.
Picks this book up and is able to say, my grandpapa dealt with his stuff, And I know I'm struggling right now because life be lifing and everybody's going to go through it. God be God, but God be God, and therapy be be therapy. And that's why let me show you. I don't know what camera I can look into right here, the back of the but it's a double cover. The front is me smiling, that's the triumph, But the back of it is me, my dad, my four brothers, and my son. This this is a picture
of all of us. It looks like me, but it's all of us.
Because your damage affects every person. You say you love it, So if you want to do the work, join me damage, but not.
To sure if we can pass on generational uh you know, traumas, we can definitely pass on generational blessed bro.
You just said it, and take it from blessing generational healing, like what happens if the greatest thing I could give to the next generation is how to deal with their issues? Absolutely, yeah, youse, Father, We just thank you for this opportunity to be here, to be in this moment, to be with you, for everybody listening, and with my four brothers in the room. I thank you Father that something was said here that sparks their faith to believe that you can help them
deal with their damage. God, we got different relationships, different responsibilities, different pains, different hurts.
But God, you know them all.
I thank you that by faith, something is about to change on the inside of every person under the sound of my voice, bring back a moment, a memory of reason why they need to make this step. And I thank you that no matter what has happened to them, no matter how bad or how good, I thank you that you can take our trauma and you can turn it into triumph. You can take our pain and you can turn it into platform. Father, I thank you for all the people who are.
Damaged but not destroyed. Bless them, is my prayer in Jesus name. We agree.
Amen, Amen, ladies and gentlemen. Past to Mike time. We appreciate you, brother.
Hey bro, we can make this maybe like a monthly thing. Let's make it happen. I appreciate y'all.
It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning to ass up Earth in the morning.
Breakfast Club
MHM.