The Art of Authentic Connection: Why Experience Isn't Everything

much all my life . There's things that I've been told that are my superpowers . There's things that I've discovered that I think are my superpowers , and I wanted to share them with you . I wanted you to see my thoughts , hear my thoughts on this type of level . This is my first time doing this .

I've never done a recording like this before , but it's something that I'm excited about . I'm excited about doing stuff like this more often , where I share my feelings , my thoughts , my experiences , hoping that it's going to help other people in whatever they're dealing with in life . Maybe this will be helpful .

So the first topic that I've been talking about for a while and I've been bringing this up and I'm talking about writing a book , and it hasn't happened yet .

Of course , I don't have a book yet , but I wanted to share these thoughts and see what the audience thinks , or what you think , to see if it's worthwhile to put this in a book , because I'm not sure how many people are going to listen to what I'm saying right now .

The main topic , or the two main topics , let's just say , and these are the things that I'm struggling with with this book is , you know , one is building relationships and one is trust , and obviously the two of those are very much related because , you know , in order to get trust ,

you need to build relationships . And then there's things about trust that are interesting is that you have long-term trust that are like your parents , your family , your brother , your sister or a friend that you've had since kindergarten . Those are long-term trusts , so they've been built for a very long time .

If you want to look at it this way , those type of trusts you can probably either one of you could screw up or do something that maybe wasn't as integrity-based , and you'll still have them as your best friend , your mother , your father , brother , and they will forgive you for that . In any type of business or sales we don't have that type of trust .

We have short-term trust or short-term relationship building , which is not the easiest to do .

It's definitely not , and it's one of the things that I've been told over my life that I have kind of if you want to call it a superpower I think that word gets thrown around too often lately , but I have a way of meeting people , getting to know them or discovering them , and this is a thing that I've written about .

Now , on this stuff that I'm going to be telling you is there's two different things when you meet a person . The one is meeting the person , which is basically like you're in an airport walking down through hey , how you doing , you say hi , or you meet him coming out of the bathroom , or you meet him whatever .

There's no questions back and forth , there's nothing . It's just basically a meet . Or you meet somebody at a party . They say , hey , my name's Dan and you shake their hand and that's over . Then there's the other part of meeting somebody , which I call discovery and curiosity .

The discovery part is when you actually become curious about that person , and that's how you build relationships . So there's a quote I have , and the quote is my experience and or knowledge is only as good as your trust in it . That's a quote that I wrote down May 8th 2019 .

Don't know why , it just kind of hit me and I think , from being in business over the past 33 years as a realtor , what I noticed I have a lot of experience now

in real estate and what I've noticed is people don't always really care about those 33 years . And John Maxwell has a great quote . He said people will care what you know when they know that you care .

And that's kind of where I'm going with this a little bit is that you know people won't really care about your experience or trust there's that word again trust your experience until they you have a relationship with them or you have , they have a reason to trust you , to trust you .

This is why we need to , as salespeople or in any situation , is to build those relationships as fast as we can so that we can have them trust us as fast as we can . So here's more about that quote . So my experience and end-world knowledge is only as good as your trust in it . So here's where this goes .

I've been thinking about that quote , coming up with more realizations about that quote , and what I'm finding is it's really interesting because it's about building rapport with your clients in order for your knowledge and experience to actually mean something to them , which comes back to the word trust in that quote . So what you're saying doesn't mean anything to them .

Your experience doesn't mean anything to them because they don't trust you okay . So if you want your clients or customers to take in your experience and your knowledge , you need to build that bond . Connect with them and then share what you know . Connect with them and then share what you know . Show them you care and they'll care what you know .

Back to the John Maxwell . What's interesting about this is your experience and knowledge is not measured by how long you've been in business . It's measured by how much you're trusted by those that receive it . With that being said , this is the reason that you could find a new person in business .

A new person , a new realtor , a new salesperson , a new , whatever it is that may have very little knowledge but will win the business of somebody before a more experienced person , because the new person may be better at building relationships , therefore winning over that customer's trust .

So right there , you could actually be losing business , losing customers , losing clients , because you never got good at building relationships and trust in a short period of time . To keep going on this , the new person may have less to share , but they've gained more trust . They only have a little bit of knowledge , but the client trusts them .

So that's the reason they pick them , because that means relationships mean more to them in many situations than your experience . So if you have a ton more experience but no one trusts you , what are you sharing ? It means nothing .

So if you think only learning something , only being book smart , only being the most experienced and having the most wisdom , you think that's everything that's going to get you further in life , I think you should question yourself on that , because I don't think that's exactly true .

So , furthermore , the realization that my experience and knowledge doesn't change from client to client , but what does change is the level of trust the client has in my experience . So my experience is always the same . My knowledge is pretty much the same .

Yes , it's growing , I'm learning more , all those things but the thing that changes is the trust that the current client has in me , and that means certain people need to be treated differently in order to gain the trust . Okay , and that's because certain people approve your trust or approve your information differently .

An engineer is going to be different than an artist . You know , an artist is going to be more of the warm and fuzzy person . They're probably going to be a little bit easier for my personality to warm up to or for them to trust me . The engineer is not going to be maybe as warm and fuzzy .

So you got to be a little bit more about details , things like that . And then once they see that your numbers and your details were correct , then that engineer will start trusting you . Okay , back to that again , the realization that my experience and knowledge does not change from client to client . But what does change is the level of trust the client has .

In my experience , that makes the difference . Trust is absolutely the most important part of any relationship the skill . The skill is in building it . Trying to rush trust can come across as fake or salesy . So be careful with that , be very careful with that . So how do we gain trust from another ? How do we gain it ? What do we do ?

We don't have the time that our parents and our brothers and sisters and friends from kindergarten had to build that trust . We don't have that time , so we have to get really good , really good at fine-tuning our relationship building . That's the part

that gets to be fun . So one of the first things you can do and these are the easy things set expectations and then follow through . If you say you're going to be somewhere at 9 am , be there , be early , be there , bam . That gives you a trust point . Okay , but people want to see you do what you say you will do .

Repetition of this is what builds more and more trust . So keep setting those expectations , following through , and that will give you trust points . Show that you've had challenges in life and share what worked for you . People want to know that you failed . People want to know that you are not perfect .

People want to know that you've been through certain things before . Be vulnerable , open and caring , and that'll move you closer to trust . So you're going to ask me why do we trust ? Why do we trust , or how do we trust ? Who do we trust ? Where does it come from ? Well , it starts with our parents . They're the first people we trust in most cases .

Starts with our parents . They're the first people we trust in most cases . Not speaking for everybody , not everybody has a relationship or has , you know , been on the on the good side of maybe parenting their whole life or being parented , but you know , for 99% of the time , okay . So the since the first day , our parents have guided us . What'd they say ?

Don't touch the stove , it's hot . We touch the stove because that's what we do , and they were right . It was hot , it hurt . You may want to walk around instead of jumping off that landscape wall because you're going to get hurt . You jump because that's what we do and you get hurt .

Okay , so those two things our parents told us at a young age both of those things they told us came true . Those are trust points . Now this happens 16 , 17 , 18 years in a row . Of course , there's a point in your teenage years where you know more than your parents , but that's a different story there . So this happens many , many times a day .

We learn to trust what they said until they became we become teenagers and then they , like I said , we don't believe anything , so we want to build relationships .

Now I'm going to tell you a little bit about why I think I'm good at building relationships would then ends up turning into trust , and I think the main reason I think I've been good at building relationships and people say , oh my God , I feel like I've known you forever .

And these are not things I'm saying to pat myself on the back , it's just things you know . There's things that we all have something we're good at .

Okay , these are the things that I've learned over the years , that I've heard from other people because they've told me that these are things that I'm , that I'm good at , and one of the reasons I think I'm good at it is because of this I moved many times as a kid . Many , many times we moved around . Oh man , we moved around a lot .

Let me just say we had let's just put it this way Kindergarten I was at . Our first school was at one place Okay , from there we moved , and the next place was we moved back , I think with my grandparents Okay ,

so actually no Grandparents . I think with my grandparents Okay . So actually no grandparents , just born . That's where we lived . We moved to Moton , another town , doesn't really matter what the town is . It's the first house my parents owned . It was in government-owned schools . That's where we were Okay .

So from there we moved to Twin Valley schools , another school district , another home . It was in , yeah , twin Valley . It was in Plowville , actually , not to say this was a good time , but I ended up we called it back then flunking first grade . I couldn't read at a good level , so I had to watch all my friends go to the next grade as I stayed behind .

Huge education in building relationships . If you want to build relationships or learn how to build relationships , be held back a grade when you're a kid . So we then moved from there to Conard Weiser , another school . Okay , we at one point , before we moved there , we moved back to my grandparents , which was another school , and then we ended up at another house .

So I think it was one , two , three , four , five , six , seven times we moved , plus I flunked first grade . I'll tell you what happens when you do that , when you move that many times and , by the way , this is nothing against my parents . These were all reasons that we moved .

We're good , we were building new houses , found new homes , my parents were improving our lives and our lifestyle , things like that , and it was all good . But we moved and I think what happened all this moving around to different houses and different schools and different neighborhoods ?

It cultivated my skills at discovering new people , not just meeting them , discovering them . Curiosity is what happens when we discover people . The curiosity is what helps us discover people , but it's genuine curiosity . It's not just asking a question or how are you doing .

It's really kind of , you know , without being nosy , digging in finding who they are , what makes them tick , what makes them who they are , laughing with them , asking them about their family , you know . So it forced me to put my hand out first , introduce myself and naturally interact with people .

The first time I met them as though I've known them forever because I knew , after moving seven times , I was good at that . But I wasn't good at it right away . You know , when I flunked first grade I remember bawling my eyes out to my parents saying don't , don't , don't do this to me .

You know , all of your friends go ahead and you stay there and it's not like you'll never see those friends again . They're moving one grade ahead , maybe one classroom different . You know , moving to a school is different , but moving , having your friends move ahead of you , that was definitely some character building , but to the good .

I think it's what it really is the foundation of me building relationships and learning how to get along with people . So there's a big difference between meeting somebody in comparison to actually discovering somebody . We meet people all the time , like I said before , on a plane , a mall , a grocery store . That's not what we do when we discover people .

We just want to be able to know the difference of that . There's no depth in just meeting somebody . It goes no further than a hello . But be careful not to treat all people that way In business , in life . It's good to know the difference between meeting and discovering . Now , we can't discover everybody , we wouldn't have time .

But as discovering goes so much deeper , it shows you care , it shows you're interested in them . Now , of course , a major part of discovering a person is listening , not just hearing . Listening Also , don't ask the question just to ask the question . Sincerity in discovering of people comes from authentic curiosity . That's something that I feel that you know .

I have a podcast called the Brad Wiseman Show and I think you know I call it spontaneous curiosity , but I love authentic curiosity . How about spontaneous , authentic curiosity ? We do that too , and I think you know the reason . What that means is you don't want to just ask questions like you're sitting there going through a checklist . Be curious .

It's so important to be curious . Don't worry , curiosity only killed the cat . It did not kill people , okay , so I think sometimes you know we hear that curiosity killed the cat . No , I , you know , I don't . I'm not down with that . That's a cat , it's not people .

Now , some people , yes , maybe will be tough to get to know , and then you got to know when to back off . Don't forget about eye contact , body language , sometimes repeating back when they when they say something . So that's about all I have for right now . I wanted to just give this a shot to see if it's something that people like .

Do you want to hear more about trust ? Do you want to hear more about building relationships ? Do you want to know more about why it's important to be able to build relationships ? Would you want to know about discovering your talents and your gifts and what that means ? Those are other topics that I have .

I have topics about failure , all kinds of different things . So let me know if this is something that you enjoyed , and if it is , I'll do more of it . All right , thanks a lot .