All right, break it down. If you ever have feelings that you just won'ts ay and Cat got your cob and like an m brother, ladies and bolts, do you just follow Anna spirit where it's all the front and real stuff to the chill stuff and.
You but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do it just.
Stop you feel things. This is feeling things with Amy and Cat.
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to feeling things. I'm Amy and I'm Cat and my feeling of the day is thrilled.
What are you thrilled about?
Well, I'm thrilled that my laundry room is starting to feel like a hum You know. I painted it, which was step one, so phase one paint, which don't underestimate the power of paint.
Because sometimes, yeah change, you just.
Might need to freshen something up, just a fresh coat of paint. And also tho magic eraser. I don't know how the mister Clean magic eraser works. I can tell you, okay, tell me you know the science behind it. How does it work?
Okay?
Because I thought it was insane, because it really does erace stuff. I'm pretty sure it's like a little bit of a sander and it just sands the bit of mess off a very gentle sander.
Sure, it's a very gentle sander with some heavy chemicals.
Oh you think there's chemicals?
I think so.
I thought it was like a sanding sponge.
Well, let's look it up. Okay, I feel like anything, mister clean chemical.
Somebody told me it was a sander, and I believe them. I didn't fact check it.
It doesn't feel like a sand like. I have a lot of the different like I've the thin ones and the thick sponges, and then I don't know that i'd put it in sand paper category.
Gentle sandpaper?
Sure, is that any sponge? There's definitely something in it that makes it. Well. My point is, so my laundry room goes out to my garage, and the door that goes to the garage is a different type of door than all the doors in the rest of my house. It's like a more commercial type door, like a metal ish like. It's not like a wooden door you would just paint. And it didn't really need to be painted.
But it was very, very dirty. So I took a little magic eraser to it, and oh my gosh, am I right, sorry, Sorry, Shannon just looked up what magic eraser is, and it literally says magic eraser works like a super fine sandpaper because of the melamine foam, a material with a hard, poorus structure that acts as a
micro abrasive when you wet it. The foam's microplastic fibers lift and trap dirt and grime, essentially exfoliating the stain from the surface with physical friction rather than dissolving it. It's crucial to test the eraser on a hidden spot first.
You're right, You're right, gentle sandpaper.
It is super fine. It's a micro abrasive.
Okay, I should have been more confident.
You should haven't. I should have trusted you. I just thought it was more like a sponge. But I guess it is a sponge. This it's a gentle sandpapering sponge, super fine sandpaper sponge thing.
So now you can feel really good about using it in your home.
I know, I said, out of the gate, I don't know how it works, and then you said I do, and then I said tell us, and then you told us, and I doubted you. So I am sorry. I'm really sorry.
To be fair, there's no reason that you should trust me on that.
Can you see if there's chemicals in there though, because I'm always scared to touch it with my bare hand. Yeah. Wait, because well she'll look it up and we can continued. No, I think you can just wear a glove.
Melamine foam is the maining green. It contains a chemical called Oh no, I think it's just what they put the dead cats in when we had a dix formaldehyde.
Wait does that want it happened? Hold on?
Hold on? Yeah.
Malamine foam is the main ingredient in a magic eraser, and it contains a chemical called formaldehyde and melamine sodium bustle fight copolymer.
Maybe you shouldn't feel good about you.
So you're right and I'm right. We're both right. It's a super fine sandpaper chemicals.
They preserve dead bodies with.
I will use it, but I keep gloves, you know, the gloves that I made our protein balls with. I have a whole box full. There's like five hundred latex powderless gloves in there or something.
I just feel like I went through a roller coaster.
I was right, then I was not sure, then I was right again, and then I was wrong.
I mean, this is like a metaphor for life. Feels sometimes a roller coaster. You never know, you're just bobbing and weaving.
Life is much like a magic eraser.
Yeah, and trying to figure out what the heck it is and if it's safe. And I love magic eraser, and there's chemicals and lots of things that we use. I just try to, you know, practice safety when using it. So I put on my rubber gloves.
I just have been grabbing it.
Wash your hands, but who knows. Oop, Sorry, that was my computer. I think that like you also, like we have to sometimes absorb or consume an enormous amount of certain chemicals for them to be I'd have body yeah, like it's not like you're bathing or something like I
exfoliate my legs with it. And maybe that's me justifying like diet coke, because I love diet coke and some people are, oh, that's so bad, like you can't have diet coke, and I'm like, okay, some of the research that you read it shows that, yes, some of what they use to produce that is harmful, but that's if you're drinking five hundred.
I'm yeah, my husband drinks like three of them a day.
Though hyperbole with my numbers here, because I'm obviously not sitting scientific fact right now. I'm just saying that sometimes we have to do some critical thinking and be like, Okay, I can take this research, and then I can also take this research and know that a diet coke here and there is not going to harm me because I love I love diet coke and I don't want to ever give it up. And maybe this is me just
justifying it for myself. Also, if they're doing it on a rat, it's way smaller than me, so it's tiny, tiny, tiny, So I would have to have a lot of diet coke for it to be harmful, and you would have to exfoliate your whole body with a magic erase.
Every day every day for it to be Have you seen that people diet coke fridge cigarettes, which I think at first was like supposed to be cute, And now that you're talking, I'm like, I don't like the comparison.
No, I think it's very different, but they can't be addictive.
They like make sure it's on TikTok that say fridge cigarette and has like a diet coke, And that's why I think they thought it was like a cute name. But I'm like, I don't think that I want the drink that I prefer to be compared to a cigarette.
What if one day we find out that it is.
I'll be really happy because I would have let myself drink all those diet cokes.
So I've loved a full, nice life.
Anyway, we're not They were thrilled.
Yeah, I'm not thrilled anymore. So can you bring us back to this three?
Our feeling is not fear, it is thrilled. I am thrilled that the magic eraser took all the grime off my garage, the door that was white. The door, well, it's just fun that it's clean now, like looking at yes, it's satisfying to have it clean or organized. The cabinets kept,
the cabinets painted them, just changed the hardware. Ordered cheap o antique brass hardware off of Amazon and new Hinges, which total game changer because I at one point when I bought the house, I was thinking, oh, we might just need to rip these cabinets out because they're old and put new ones in eventually. And now I'm like, hey, don't underestimate the power of paint. And some new hardware because it's changed the game. Let's see, I like to get up and go look at your launch it. So yeah,
I must have been extra dopamine filled or something. I don't know what neurotransmitter got me to do this, because it's not my normal behavior. I mean, maybe if I was on adderall I would do something like this, but I'm I'm not. But I took my detergent out of the thing it came in because I used the little pods and I put it in a cute glass charm.
Oh my gosh, what TikTok?
Did you watch nothing? That meat my brain My sister's laundroom kind of looks like that, Which.
Is does it make you happy? Cute?
It made me happy in the moment, I was like, well, this is not that hard. I don't have to live this way, like no one's gonna see in the cabinet and I'm not trying to show it off to anybody. But I didn't go out and buy the glass container. It's left over for my pantry and it wasn't being used. Okay, so there's that if that makes you feel any better. But even if I had gone out and bought it, that's fine.
That's okay.
Yeah, And then I ordered new wool dryer balls that look like bumblebees.
How many did you get?
Six?
Are you gonna put them all in at the same time?
Yeah? They're extra large organic bumble bees. And they're so cute. And you know they have all kinds of animals. They have sheep, they have cow, they have hearts, they have ladybugs. I'm gonna have to get all the animals eventually, but I'm gonna have to get more glass jars because you know, I'm gonna store my wool balls in the glass jars to match the detergent.
Yeah, you have to, okay.
So I'm thrilled about that, even though it's not normally my personality. And I hung pictures in your laundry room in my launder room, which is also think about it. I walk out to the garage, I walk out that door, I walk in that door. It should be happy. And also I have told you, or hopefully at least tried to convince you, that I love laundry, So why not make the space happy. I put in a new sink.
I ordered a sink off Wayfair, this fairly inexpensive. And I ordered a new light off Amazon, so bam, bam bam. I mean, obviously I had to hire somebody to do put the sink and the light for the electrical but I mean, not that much to upgrade this space. And I'm thrilled about it. I am just that's the word.
I'm just over.
I'm just over the moon thrilled about it. Because the picture frames I've had sitting in a closet since I moved here last year into my new house, Like I took them down from the other house, hadn't done anything with and I had photos of me and the kids from the last couple of years or show. Just went through my phone and found some of us, printed them out, put them in there, hung up the frames. Made what I have one of those frames where you can like
take the little letters and write whatever you want. Those boards, what are those called?
Like a felt board?
I felt?
Yeah, what are those called? Why can't I think of the word a letterboard? A letter board?
A felt letterboard?
That yeah, okay?
And I sat down.
What in the.
World the kind of drugs was on? I don't know. I wasn't even on a diked. No, I didn't.
I don't know.
Maybe I just had time and the kids weren't around. So I sat down with the letters and put on Real Housewives of something or another, and I just started playing around with stuff. At the top, I put have the day you need to have cue right, Then I put be curious.
And then you should write I already did it. Oh okay.
So I'm trying to think of the there's four things on there. I'm trying to think of what I put for the third thing? Okay, how did I need to have be curious? Oh? No, you're worth I'm hoping my kids will look at this when they're walking out the door. The fourth thing is check the calendar. And I have that hanging right above my skylight calendar. I had my skylight calendar in my kitchen, but I have moved it to the laundroom and mounted it on the wall.
You mounted it, no, oh, Nember had a handyman, got it, got it, got it, got it.
But I had the idea to move off my counter and mount it on the wall. But I mean I could have, but since he was already here, we had to do it.
Are these the same men that came over and you had the food in your teeth?
No?
Okay? Because I wanted to update if they acted weird or anything.
No, this is just one guy.
Okay, you didn't have I do have.
A story about this guy, but I can't say it right now.
We'll tell it.
No, I'll tell you about it later. So the handyman hung the skylight shout out, but the calendar is there, so I hung the felt board above it. So it's like, you know, how did you need to be curious? Know you're worth check the calendar? So the kids know because they're scheduled schools back in session. Do they have truck practice? Do they have tutoring? When are they going to their dads? When we need to start laundry to go to their dads And it's in the laundry room all the things.
So it's so it's just it just feels like a home. Now my laundry this also this this this my dyson. They did back them out, hung them out.
Stop.
I've never done that.
Before three years. I haven't hung my vacuum mount.
Yeah, well you want my you want my handyman to come.
Over, I'm gonna have my dad. We'll see.
Will you have a dad?
I don't, Well, my dad would come home your Yeah, he would it's fine. He's halfway retired kind of.
Or he doesn't work Mondays and Fridays, so if you need something on Monday or Friday, he would probably love to come do it. Okay, Remember when he tried to fix your outlets and he couldn't.
Yes, I will take him up on that, or take you up on hitting him up, because I think you're right. I think he would love that. And anytime he has come over and helped us with podcast room stuff, it is so reminded me of my dad because I know if my dad were here, which I was sort of making a joke earlier, like, well, you have a dad and I don't. If you're new, my dad has passed away, and we can stay light about it, stay fun. I can be sad and also make jokes about how my
dad's not here. But he was the type of dad that was very, very very handy and absolutely would have done that. And is Alex handy he is. He changed something on his toilet the other day and he made his boys come in. He's like, come here, y'all need to learn how to do this, because this is a simple thing that's gonna, you know, save you two hundred bucks. You don't have to call a plumber.
Could he have hung your vacuum ount?
Like?
What's his level of handy? Can he change a sink?
I don't have to ask about the sink thing.
But could your dad change a sink? You think?
Oh? Yeah, night, I could do might I could build a house? Okay, yeah, just like your dad?
Yeah, well, my dad doesn't actually do the building of a house, but I guess, but I bet you could.
He did. I think in college his job was construction, like building houses.
Now my dad could build, like he made all kinds of like his house, like the house he was in when I was in high school. I remember a lot of his furniture he made, like his night stands and his headboard. And I don't know. I don't know how I thought at that he had the time.
We can't, well, I shouldn't say that we can't. I don't think because I've always thought like, that'd be so cool if I was handy, Because I have a friend that like just will go to Low's, buy stuff, get it cut there, and build it. She built a mantle for her apartment to have during Christmas, to like hang stuff on a mantle. That crazy, I wish I could do that kind of stuff, but I think that my
attention spanned the detail isn't there. I'd be like, Oh, it doesn't have to be exactly correct, and then like it'd be crooked or like I'd be like, I'll just glue it together instead of nail it, and then it'll fall apart.
Yeah, it's not gonna work if you're so.
Our types of brains. I just think that, yeah, we're better if we hire people or a call.
I know. That's why I'm like, what's you know what?
I do?
Have a neurofeedback appointment. I'm going to ask her about that. I'd be like, what'd you do? I had neurofeedback maybe on this was Thursday or Friday that I did all That's that I had the appointment, And I think on a Saturday that I did all that stuff. So I'm gonna ask her what she did, because I'm telling that whatever, yeah, brain cocktail that was, that has to be it, because I've been sitting here perplexed, like what the heck. I've had those felt boards forever and I wrote four things
on it. I sat down and wrote those four things. I put my detergent in a jar something.
Okay, but here's the test though, something. Will you continue to pour your det in the jar?
Yes?
Because it's there, and then when I buy it and I'll replenish it.
Then I feel like when I move, I'm going to be really motivated for like a week to get stuff done, and then I'm gonna be like, yeah, So.
I think you're gonna be so excited though, like you'll have that adrenaline going I think for like a week or I think it's gonna last longer than a week.
You might have to come and do my laundy room because I was thinking the launder room was the one room I wouldn't have to do anything.
But you want me to come to your laundry room because now I'm an experienced laundroom designer.
Yes, okay, I would like to hand off my laundr room to you. Oh my gosh, that will be a fun.
What's my budget?
So I just like you can use stuff that I already own.
It's like I get one hundred dollars in a magic erasorry get to work.
Okay, one hundred dollars not counting paint. How about that? It'll be free.
I have to paint it.
Yeah, of course.
Okay, you like to paint, now you can use It'll be like a scavenger hunt. I'm like, okay, there's all these boxes all over my house. You can open whatever box you want, go through it, grab whatever you want, and use that to decorate the laundry room.
You have no idea what you will find. Oh my gosh, it's so fun. Thank you for doing this.
You're welcome. You sound like a mom to her kids, like trying to convince them to do something like, oh my gosh, this is gonna be so fun. It's like a game. I'm going to count to ten.
I'll time you.
Yes, I'll time And my mom would do that all the time. I would never get ready for bed. I would never want to hear I'll time you. I bet you can't do it in less than two minutes. And I'll be like, oh, yes I can.
Oh my gosh, I bet you can't do my laundry room in less than a week.
True.
True, because I saw how long it took me. Because obviously I did all those little things on that one Saturday that's most recent, but building up to that, it definitely took cool a few weeks.
Thank you, yeah, so that's why I would like you to do it, and then the one cool room in my house will be.
Your washer room. Yeah. Do I have a budget for some wool balls, like cute ones like ladybugs?
The budget?
Sorry, I'll gift some two housewarming gift.
Listen, anything for the laundry, like detergent or like wool balls or whatever, not part of the budget. The one hundred dollars is just for like design features.
Okay, there's no new hardware.
There's cabinets. My laundry room is just a room. I just bought a washer and dryer. Those will be in there, and then I have like a wire shelf.
Yeah.
So I don't know if I don't know if she's gonna cut it, but I think you could really make something of it.
I think we could find some cute baskets. You're gonna need to put some baskets.
I already have cute baskets.
Can we like put like a wood foux covering over the wire? Yes?
Oh my gosh, I saw that on TikTok Okay. Yeah, yes, if you can get a good deal.
Okay, I saw that somewhere too. I guess it was probably sick shak and that's why it's in my mind. But it is. It's fascinating because it's just kind of like slides over like a lot of people do it in their pantries, and it just slides right close and it just elevates it.
Shannon just said that I'm scamming you to unpack for you, and you fell for it. Shannon just said that I'm scamming you to unpack for you, and you.
Fell for it. You're like, just go around to every box and open it up and pull everything out and put it away, and I'm sure you'll find things that laundy.
Is working out over me?
Can I can I hire your dad as my assistant? Or not hire, but like maybe my can he be my laundry room assistant?
My dad?
Yeah, because I'm going to need it. Yes, an assistant to be like, hey.
Yes he can make the shelving Okay, oh my gosh. Okay.
Here's the great dad hack is when you ask your dad to help you make something and he has to go to Low's to get the supplies. A lot of times he doesn't make you pay for the supplies, so that would help your budget. You can just be like, hey, Cat's dad, Can you grab some of these two by fours on your way over?
Okay?
This is reminded me of the voice smell that we're going to play today from a listener ok that has resentment from people to expect our names from their dead.
I'm not expecting to ask him. He says, what he likes about me is I always offer to pay. I think he just appreciates people offering. And sometimes when my parents and men, Mommy, I vemo them back their money.
That's true. I can vouch for you on that and your parents because you're moving and there's a lot going on in life right now, and like they were offering to pay for something for you, and I was thinking, in my mind, are you crazy say yes to that? And you were like I told him no, And I'm like, what the.
Maybe?
Because if it's two again, both my parents are not alive and and so there's no fun surprises like that anymore. Yeah, And I grew up with that, and you obviously grew up with some of that, and that the voicemail we're going to play is someone that didn't grow up with anything like that. And Kat and I got into this whole discussion after we listen to the voicemail about money and how it's so relative.
And we both had to say SIV after because we both.
Got a little like feisty and snappy, and if you're new here, SIB means sorry, I bitchy.
But also I will say that what I've had to learn.
And my mom made a comment to me the other day when I was like, please don't do that, when she was offering to do something for me, she said, sometimes I just want to do things for my kids, And so I had to be reminded like, Okay, yes, I don't want to be expectant of things or I don't want to take from them and not then give.
But also her love language is gifts. She likes doing that stuff for people.
If you don't take that away from it, yes, you were robbing her of the opportunity to spread joy. Yeah, which just selfish. Yeah, so you should accept that other.
Well.
Before we do get to the voicemail, which it's probably one of the most authentic, vulnerable voicemails we've received. It's very sweet and I appreciate her honesty, but she's definitely struggling with a certain feeling and the feeling the feeling is resentment. I'll just go ahead and say that it's probably obvious by the way we're talking about it. There's resentment around money at times, so we're gonna play that.
And I think even if you don't relate to exactly what she's saying, I want you to hear the voicemail so that you can be challenged. At least I was, and I hope others are too, to examine your feelings the way she's examining hers. And that's our hope for this podcast, right is that we all have feelings and
we're trying to figure them out. And this voicemail is such a beautiful example of really tapping into the awareness of a feeling, like I don't think she really knows what to do with it quite yet, but she knows it's there and she wants to figure out Yeah, and she's owning it. She's not running from it, and you can hear the emotion in her voice. It's just tender, and that I think will be the main main takeaway
for every single person. Even if you can't relate to the topic, let the takeaway be wow, I want to be in tune with other feelings. Maybe I don't have that exact one of resentment, but I might have XYZ, and I want to be honest like that about it and explore what's going on. So before we get to the voicemail, though, I gave my feeling today, which was thrilled, and I know you have a feeling of the day, So what is yours?
Kat? My feelings have changed a little bit through this conversation really because I was a little bit annoyed earlier.
Oh because Sib.
No, Well, I think that's maybe why I was SIB, because I just have been feeling annoyed and frustrated today.
But I think my feeling is intrigued.
While you went from annoyed to intrigued, which you can be annoyed and intrigued at the same time.
Yeah, so I don't feel that presently I did fifteen minutes ago.
You were annoyed and now, wow, wow.
Exact bro. I think I'm just like, well, it's just cool.
I think it's great. Look what our podcast can do.
Okay, but I'm intrigued because this morning I got my genetic blood test. They don't just like give you the results when you do that, they make you do like a counseling call. It was really interesting because it wasn't like therapeutic. I think they just don't want you to get these results without being able to really understand what they are because it can freak people out. I'm just seeing what mutations that I carry, and it's normal to
have the mutations. We all have them, except I had four and Patrick who had one, and I.
Felt like I lost. I thought he was gonna have like mayby seven or something like that, but he had won, and.
Oh no, I want to know mine.
So it is really interesting.
It's really expensive though, so if you don't have a reason to do it, and well, depending on if your insurance covers it, our stident. So I sign up for a survey, so I got a discount anyway, we had this.
Well that's good to know that if you do a survey you can get a discount.
Well, I don't know if that's offered. I don't know if it's just where we went they offered that. So I don't want anybody like, what's the discount. I don't I don't know. It could have just been from the clinic AnyWho. We're doing this testing and basically all she's saying is like, these are the mutations that you have.
This is what you carry.
So if me and Patrick had the same mutation, that would not be great because then we could pass that to our kid. But they're recessive, so like, if I have it, the chances of our kid having it isn't.
Super super likely.
However, she's going through these, I forget the names of them, and I don't have the like PaperWorks, so I can't say what they are. She gets to the third one and she's like, oh, and then you have this one. She says the name, it's like a long scientific name for alder.
Hyde, magic eraser.
And she goes, and do you guys know who Helen Keller is?
And I go, we go, yeah, she goes, this is what they think Helen Keller had, So that's pretty cool.
I did not to say so I think I was like, that's so neat.
You're blind dead, she goes.
She goes, she was blind and deaf, but she was able to communicate, so that's really exciting. She has mute, she.
Was able to communicate in other ways because her brain was still there, Like she had a functioning brain and she was able to like think, I.
Know, speaking of TikTok. There's all kinds of conspiracies about how like if Helen Keller is as inspiring as we Oh, really no, I mean I'm sure she's inspiring. Is just like, come on, was she really able to?
Did she write a book?
I'm only laughing because of the tiktoks I've seen. I don't know.
I don't know, Okay, to be fair, I don't know a lot about her, but now I feel like I should look into it.
You guess it's only a one in thirteen thousand chances. So she was like, so it's not like a lot.
I mean that sounds high to me, Like what in a million? Seems like well, actually one day.
So the two other ones were one in two hundred. I'm just thinking some other things that she said that cracked me up. I have this other mutation that it's night blindness. Then I think it turns into like blindness you have that. I just have bad eyesight, but I don't have this disorder. But she goes Actually my sister's babysitter growing up, when she used to run into walls and they thought she was.
Just clumsy, but turns out she was going blind.
Do you have all these like antidotes from all these stories, but that could be my kid. But that one I only have a one in two hundred thousand chance. So she said, there never can be a zero chance of anything, but one in two hundred thousand is basically zero, so it doesn't need like one in a million. So one in thirteen thousand is pretty unlikely. Okay, I'm not worried about it. And then my other one was a lot
more likely, and that's one in eight hundred. But it was like an iron deficiency thing that I think people live pretty healthy lives with.
I'm pretty sure I have an iron deficiency.
It was a certain kind.
Well, actually it was interesting because she said it was something that most people don't realize they have until they go through menopause.
I don't know why.
That's when it starts. That's when they start to I guess it's like asymptomatic until then.
Yeah, so like you live a pretty normal life. And the blindness one, the night blindness, she said, you go blind in adulthood.
Oh my gosh, this is crazy. And sorry, I don't I feel like I need to apologize about the Helen Keller thing and giggling like I don't know. I've just seen conspiracies on TikTok. I'm not saying they're true.
I think you're talking about my kid right now, and now I'm identifying with Helen Keller as one of my children.
Maybe that's why I want to apologize, is because I don't want to offend your like I'm not trying to if anybody, or if anybody knows Helen, which they didn't, but maybe she's a distant relative. I just didn't want to be offensive because I think she did a lot of amazing things, and she had a teacher and a well guy.
I don't really know a lot about her, but my point in the story is she was so excited to share.
With me that fact when that doesn't seem like to me, like that would be a very like so fun.
I think also, she probably talks about this stuff a lot, and when she first said it, I was like, oh, I don't really know what that means. So maybe it's a way for her to help us understand what she's saying.
Right, you know, you're intrigued.
I'm intrigued.
I'm intrigued too.
I forget what Patrick's one mutation was probably was like blonde hair.
That's not a mute.
That's a recessive. Isn't that recessive?
Oh? I don't know. I don't know anything about these thing.
That's less likely, but that wouldn't be like a mutation.
Okay, well keep us posted. This is so interesting. Okay, well shall we get into the voicemail?
Hi, Amy and Kat. My name is McKinsey. I live in Texas. You can share all the facts. You can play this voicemail before actually getting to the voicemail. Your little intro for the voicemail message is super funny. Maybe smile before. Like, I want to say something I'm kind
of sad about. So my feeling is resentment. I have a really hard time, especially in the last few years, being around people that came from money and kind of this expectation that they have around the things that families do for them that you know, they had their college paid for, they have their parents pay for their weddings, they are having babies and these big baby showers where they received these really fancy and expensive gifts when I
didn't come from any of that. And so although I'm around it now and I like these people, they're kind to people that they don't even realize the privilege that they have, and I end up holding up with her present'm it against them, and I'm just not really sure how to navigate that without holding against them. Well, also not having icky feelings whenever I see something good in their life that I'm not kidding. So I would love just some advice around that. Appreciate that you guys so.
Good, like a very very very special boy, smil would you see what I mean about the man? I know you know because we listen to it together, but to the listeners, like y'all see what we mean about just the tenderness and the honesty and vulnerability there opening up and sharing that and being like, hey, you can play this and share it with everybody. Thoughts, Kat, you're.
Just passing that over to me.
So I think that one the best part about her sharing this is her acknowledging it, like we already said, because a lot of times when we have those feelings, we push them down and we then they end up being like pushed towards the other person. And I think in that voicemail, she was saying they're good people, like this isn't really about them.
I just don't know what to do with it. I think that already is going to relieve something for her. I don't know that there is.
Anything that we can say or do on the podcast that's going to help her untangle all of that. It sounds like there's something underneath the thing. So she's feeling resentment when and correct me if I'm getting some of this wrong, but she's feeling resentment when she sees people expectant of things financial things from their families, or when people just get things that are kind of extravagant in her eyes. Okay, that's the thing, But what's the thing
underneath the thing? And that's what she has to kind of unravel with herself. And if she was sitting here, I'd probably ask her some questions to get to that. But what I can offer her is that feeling of resentment, which there might be some jealousy or some envy in there too. Jealousy and envy aren't really they're not bad. Those help us identify things that we care about and things we want, but that might not ever totally go away.
And so rather than I think when we are looking to process things, we want the feeling to go away, we think, when we process it, oh, this will then go away or dissipate, when a lot of times it just maybe shrinks a little bit and then we find something else that's there too. So if you're processing this and you're doing the digging or doing the work to understand what's the thing underneath the thing, know that those feelings might be there and this other thing might be there.
Yeah, I think that whatever the work needs to be done to untangle that. I like that word untangle and figure out what's underneath there. While the feeling of resentment may always be there, maybe it's sometimes it just won't be as loud anymore and it won't be as like bring up such emotion.
And maybe just more from resentment to more of this envy. I think envy and jealousy get like a bad rap when like they can be very helpful. I get jealous of people that have things that I want or things that I have grieved or things that I never got to have. And that's not that I'm mad at those people. It's that, oh, dang it, that would have been cool.
And sometimes it's even information to what you do want or what you want to work towards. Some of it may or may not be attainable. It's not always going to be that, but if it is something you can work towards, it can be information of like, well maybe that's what I want. Not in this caller's case, I'm just saying the feeling of jealousy or envy when that does come up, it can be information for that, right right, right, yeah, licensed therapist, But what do you.
Want to talk about what you said earlier and why we got into a little SIV? Do you want to talk about what you said earlier and why we got into a little SIV? Well?
I think that, like it's it's all in perspective at times too, and money is so relative because I don't know how she grew up, so that's hard to say. I do know that sometimes we can do a lot of comparing or feeling like, oh, well, you know, because we don't have XYZ, we don't have money, or I guess it's not even like a luxury, but we aren't privileged.
But again not knowing her circumstances specifically, but I just think I didn't think I grew up super wealthy, but now that I'm an adult, I think I did grow up wealthy, ish and privileged, but also my dad went bankrupt multiple times, so I had speaking of We were talking about roller coaster of emotions earlier. I have such a roller coaster of emotions with money. And I think
we lived in a country club neighborhood. But then my dad moved out when I was nine, and my mom was a single mom working all the time, and all my not all. A lot of my friends in my neighborhood went to private school. I went to public school with some of my other friends. I don't mean to paint it like everybody in my neighborhood went to private school, but a lot of people did. But I think I compared myself, so to me, I'm like, well, my friends
in my neighborhood have a lot of money. But then anybody looking at my life thinking, oh, she grew up in that neighborhood, which my mom never wanted to move because she wanted us to live in the same house stro eighteen. So she figured that out and then part of the divorce, my dad gave her the house. But I don't think she would have stayed there. Ideally. It wasn't great for her, but she made it work because she wanted as little disruption on our lives as possible,
which I admire a lot. Looking back, There's no way someone else would like working with Bobby and knowing how he grew up in you were privilege, a trailer park and going from house to house and getting evicted, and his single mom life was very different than my single mom life because I also had a dad that still wanted to support us financially, and I was gifted my
first car and a gas card. Our poor listener who left the voicemails listening right now, And I hope not having resentment towards me, but I don't think I expect that though, But that's what happened. And then my wedding
paid for my college. I kind of wish he would have made it a little more difficult on me, quite honestly, And for that very reason, I'm parenting my children differently, Like for the first time ever now that our daughter's eighteen, and Ben and I had a little sit down with her on expectations and money, and for the first time ever this month she started paying us like a lump
sum at the beginning of every month. Now that she's eighteen, she's paying us a chunk towards cell phone, car insurance, gas and it's a chunk, but she's earning it at her job, and then we're trying to get her ready for that's what rent and bills will be like. And so at the first of every month she is paying us, she has an amount due and it's like fork it over and she's sort of excited about it.
And because agency too.
Yes, that never was expected of me, and I'm sort of annoyed that my dad didn't teach me that and do that for me of like saying, hey, pay for your own cats, pay for your own insurance. Now I had friends that did that. Anyway, back to my original point, I think money there's all different kinds of conversations you can have around it, obviously, but it's so relative because I felt less than but that's because people I was surrounded by had so much money. But then people would
look at our lives. Even if you have the opportunity to have clean water, you have more than other people. I mean, obviously my kids being from Haiti and knowing what their life was like at the orphanage, those kids there would come look at their life here now and be like, oh my gosh, this is crazy. So it's all relative. That's what Kat and I were talking about earlier. And then I started talking about Becca Bloom beca ex
Bloom on Instagram, who is this crazy wealthy woman. Actually she got really famous on TikTok, but I follow her mostly and see her stuff on Instagram and she is stupid wealthy and makes these ridiculous over those hop videos. But I kind of like her, like she's likable, and if you go in the comments, most people are saying just that that They're like, you're the only rich person. I like, like, there's something about you that's a little endearing.
And then Kat wasn't really feeling the vibe, and so that I got. I suddenly got defensive of this Becca girl on Instagram that I don't know in TikTok and I'm like, wait, why am I defending this rich girl online that I.
Don't know to you?
Because I was being a little judgmental, Yeah you are. I was like, maybe you have resent me or in the or maybe I do you're jealousy. But then you were like, well, would you want to yah be that? And I was like, well, I don't know, maybe yeah, And You're like, I'd never want to be that, and I'm like, what, I don't have a worry in the world.
No, we talked about this.
I would like to be that wealthy if nothing else in my life changed, except I always knew that I'd be okay financially, and I'd always know that if I needed something or wanted something, I could have it.
But I wouldn't want to spend that.
Way, right. But my point was she grew up that way, and it's not she was born into that, so her spinning that way is very But would you want to marry into normal? Well, she doesn't know, like that's her baseline.
No, that's not my question.
My question was do you want would you want to be born in that? Or knowing what it's like on this side of the world, would you not like to be born into that?
I don't know. She was just in Paris. I've never been there, and I think she just flew there to buy some shoes, So what would I want to do that?
Maybe that's okay if you don't, but I don't.
But you're right, like I, I like my life and I want to be normal like I I'm there's something about her there's just not pretentious, if that's the right word. Because she's not pretentious about it. She's being blatantly. Maybe watched enough of her videos, maybe I have watched too many.
And he's like, she's so normal, it's so normal.
She shows seventeen of her watches and it's okay because she didn't buy any of them.
Somebody just gifted her seventeen yelexes. Yeah, I'm like, wait, what we lost the plot here?
No no no no no no no no no no no. I never said she was normal. Back it on, up, I never you said. I think in my head, I was just picturing her as normal, I said, Kat. She packs the caviare in her China lunch box like China, like nice China, fine China.
Yeah, like glat like like I packed my Kroger bags right like, and I did throw away my ziplocked bags. And she reuses her she does, see yes.
In one of the videos, her husband is sharing like fun facts about her or they are doing it about each other, and he's like, something out her is she will hire someone, or she wants hand painted wallpaper all throughout the house. But she will reuse ziploc bags over and over and gets mad if he uses like a whole piece of paper towel wild. Yeah, because she doesn't want to be wasteful, and who knows how.
May recycling though she probably is really good at it. Maybe and maybe because she well she has a job. I was gonna say, if she's not working, then maybe can she can spend a lot of money recycling.
No, she has a job in finance, okay, which that's good.
So she's really wealthy and she still works, right.
I think she was from the videos that I've seen, the few the few videos that I've seen the few fifty, I think her parents had very high expectations for their upbringing, like their kids, like they probably had an excellent education, like you could tell top top grades were expected.
We're looking at the outside. We don't know the inside, so.
We're just I don't know the inside, preparing our insides to her outside. And like her life might not be a greatest she makes it look like on TikTok.
But I don't know that she's like saying my life is so great. I don't really hear her say, look how fabulous my life is.
That's the thing. Okay.
So that's where I want to be clear here, which all will just have to go watch her videos and see for yourself. But it's like there is a difference in you know, pretentious people, right like, she doesn't give me gums vibes, right Like, I feel like she's cool.
But you're just trying to get on her like yacht or private place. No, no, no, I'm just kidding, not at all.
No, I hear what you're saying. She's not saying like I'm better than you. She's just saying, matter of factly, this is these are all my watches.
Yeah, she's like, watch me pack my lunch, or this is my watch collection and they're all gifts from my family and they're special to me. Or here, we're going on a date night to a Michelin star restaurant and we're stopping at this fancy jeweler beforehand to pick up a piece of jewey. And then they come home from their date night and they go to their movie theater in their house and watch, Uh, what are they watching?
They get like before that's released to the theaters, movies.
No, they're watching they were watching a TV show, like just like us. Becca Blimb's just like us. The New York Times just did a write up on her. I believe I saw an article posted and I think her real name is Rebecca ma or may or something, and she goes by Becca x Bloom. And she only joined TikTok in January. It is, We're already mid September. At this point, it's almost Christmas. She hasn't even been online
for a year, and charity has millions of followers. She knows what she's doing, like life like playing it up.
Yeah, if you had a life like that, you could get millions to follow.
But I don't know that. No, I don't know that everybody can do it the way she's doing it. Like there are some people that are obnoxious and annoying.
Oh yeah, yeah, she's gets more haters. Yeah, yeah, I.
Feel like something about it. But definitely how about this, check it out see for yourself.
Give me another week, let me look at more of her stuff and let it sink in, and then maybe I won't have this automatic reaction.
Yeah, I'd definitely being a hater. You were the kitchen counter. Yeah me too. I just found somebody that I like online, not because.
I want to.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry apology existed, but I also was a little sib about it. And back to the whole thing. It's like relative, Like she she has a lot of money, but there are wealthier people that might have more money than her, and she might think like, oh wow, I do not think she thinks that, probably not that she has never one to for anything.
Yeah.
I get what you're saying, and I agree that it is relative, but there is a limit to it where it's like, Okay, you're like crazy rich, you're not.
That's what us relatives.
Get confused about, really really really crazy rich hundreds of millions type people and they just like keep making money, make their money. Well, I understand being smart with them making money off of money, but they like want more. Could never be me like like they want more, It's like what are you wanting for?
Like what's the well that's their like brain because this is the whole Taylor Swift thing. Like I have said this.
I've had this to Patrick about like multiple people that if I was were talking about Michael Jordan the other day he has like three billion dollars or something crazy like that, and in my head I was like, once I make a billion dollars, I'm not working anymore.
Right, But those people their brain is wired.
Differently that it's not just about the money. It's about what they're accomplishing and like the actual work. Like Taylor Swift really likes what she does, it's not just about the money. Yeah, I think that's a nice little bonus bonus, but like, yeah, if I was Taylor Swift, I wouldn't work another day in my life. Their brains are wired so differently than me. If I was a therapist and I made a billion dollars for well, that would never happen.
I'd be done.
Yeah, but you would have the desire to maybe help. You could volunteer. Yeah, you wouldn't just like sit around.
Yeah, I would shield a movie theater in my house like Bega Bloom, and I would watch TV shows in the houseband. No, I would do other things, but I wouldn't still have this drive to work that crazy of hours.
Oh this just popped into my head a relatable Becca Bloom video that I saw where she posted she goes, these are the houses that my fiance and I were considering buying. She talks a real soft like this. She's like, these are the houses that we were considering buying, But we did it, and I'm going to tell you the reasons why and then she shows them. Of course they're like mega mansions, but she's like this one, she's like, honestly, it wasn't in the school district that we wanted.
Relatable, right, So it's like, I get that. I just went through that.
Yeah, and then some of the other reasons were very similar to things we contemplate as.
It wasn't like the normal people. It wasn't coated in gold foil ceilings. That's not what it was. It was more like actual No.
But the other one, like she was like, and this one, my husband couldn't get over the price per square foot. He said was way overpriced and it just didn't make sense. But it's like at that point they probably just bought it, like who cares, but they're still paying attention to price per square foot. See, they're just like us. She's relatable.
It's relatable. Okay, well, I have no idea our Our advice was helpful, but to your point, like you said, there's nothing we could say or do other than celebrate her for acknowledging and being aware and sharing with us, because that's it probably felt very cathartic and maybe even why it evoked that emotion and tears because just getting it off your chest sometimes can feel so good and know, like I'm sharing this with someone, I'm gonna figure this out.
Yeah, And what's popping up in my head.
I don't know if this is coming from what you shared or just my brain, but I think when you grow up without something, two things happen. A lot of things happen, but two specifically things happen. One you have more of an awareness of that thing that you don't have, and two you learn and like you grow from having
to do it yourself. And so I wonder, because I don't know if she said this or not in the voicemail, if there's this idea that her friends don't understand what they have, you know, right, appreciation for it, which like there's no way for us to.
Really know that.
We can take context clues, but like we can't really know because even you talking about, like my mom offering me something, whether or not I accept it or not, doesn't mean I am not understanding or I am understanding what she's giving me, Like I have an acute awareness of what she's offering me.
But you would never know that from the out from looking at the outside, you know, Yeah.
I mean I know it because I'm your friend and I know that you also have extreme gratitude for your parents. I'm almost thinking too, just because we were talking about loss of my parents and you have both of yours. It would almost be like sometimes I might have like a hint of envy or jealousy towards you, of like the convenience of you just like popping down my dad would do it right, right right, Or you're like, oh, I got a swing by my parents' house and they're
gonna help with this. And sometimes I have like a quick thought but it's not lasting or it's not similar to the voicemail where I have this extreme emotion about it. But right I don't have like a resentment towards you because I know that you are grateful for your parents
and you appreciate them. Now, if you were taking them for granted and had a totally different attitude about your relationship and how helpful your dad was towards helping you with different things, then I might have a little bit more resentment of being like, do you realize how lucky you are to have a dad that can do that for you? Right now? I would give anything for my dad do that, But I know how I know you, Like you said, you have an acute awareness of how fortunate you are.
And so maybe you have sadness that comes up. Maybe that's yeah.
I mean sometimes I may have feelings of sadness or jealousy or envy, like, oh, I wish my parents were around, but I don't have that resentment towards you. And I wonder to your point, Yeah, if she knew the perspective her friends had, because she said they're kind people, and maybe she could be assigning to them that they have this expectation or maybe they've acted that way and she
has that data or that information. But sometimes we can just project that on other people and think they expect it, when really maybe they do have awareness and they are grateful and they don't expect it, but their parents just do it. It could be a combo.
Yeah, And when we have a story written in our head, what we end up doing is we are brains only.
Look for the data that supports that story. So she could be picking up things that maybe not aren't even really accurate.
So the challenge there which this could be helpful, would be to try to see if that's what you're doing. Man.
But that's so inncisely at the end.
Well, I just mean, like I was like, I hope we've been helpful, because there's nothing we could really like. It's really one of like, it's work she needs to do, either one on one with a therapist or digging deeper and seeing what's underneath there. But that's something that we offered her a good job. Yeah, okay, and she can follow Becca Bloom and get really angry.
I'm going to encourage you not to do that.
Definitely could do that, although we don't know that Becca expects it.
I'm just gonna say, maybe now's not the time for her.
To do that.
Okay, definitely not. Okay, Kat's the therapist, listen to her. We hope that everybody has the day they need to have. That's not the way we say it.
Hope you have the day.
Yeah, I said it wrong. I'm sorry.
I hope that you're having the day. I hope you have the day.
Day. You're wearing the shirt right now, Kat's wearing our shirt that says have the day you need to have, which we'll have an update on merch soon ish. We're cooking up something special. We are cooking. We're cooking. Yes, Okay, so stay tuned. We'll probably share first on Instagram to make sure you're following Feeling things podcast right right right, Okay, have the day you need to have.
Bye Bye,