Handel on the News

You're listening to KPI AM six forty. The Bill handles show on demand on the iheartradiop When I got my so scurity, I had to go in. I know, when I was sixty five, I pulled my sow scurity, I had to go in. I did and talked to a clerk and it was really great. She looked at my name and said.

Oh, hey, you know what.

I listened to your show. Do you have any idea what kind of a dick you are? And that's a quote.

And now handle on the news, ladies and gentlemen.

Here's Bill handle, Good morning everybody, Handle morning, crew, and we start the week. It is Monday morning, April fourteenth. Today isn't marijuana day. It's the twentieth, right, all right, April twentieth. Now, how does that work? April twentieth? I know March four is uh, may the fourth be with you as well as the fifth as well as the third, you know, may the whatever day be with you? Like maybe what are.

You talking about? That's May not March?

And it's okay, okay, what is? And then no, I said, okay, got it? Got it Neil or something? So what is April twentieth what how does that connect to You're going to get stoned and eat a lot of ice cream.

It's for twenty for twenty is the euphemism for marijuana and smoking pot for twenty.

How did you know? I'm not a pot smoker, So explain that to me.

It's believed to have originated with a group of high school students in San Rafel, California, who used it as a code word for finding and smoking marijuana.

Oh, I don't know.

Did they go do that like a four in the afternoon? I don't know.

Yeah, that's kind of dumb. Oh, it's like, yeah, it's like a five eighty one throwing you in, Uh, you know, a mental institution for seventy two hours fifty one, So that that's that's May eighty one, would do that, right, the eighty first of May would be five eighty one. No, No, that's fifteen one fifty okay, fifty one fifty so that's May. Okay, so let me go, So that's uh, May one hundred and fiftieth.

Any Ones listening, we would like to fifty one to fifty handle right now for more than seventy two hours.

Well, first of all, you can't for more than seventy two hours unless you get a psychiatrist us to argue that I'm a danger of myself for others. And let's you know what, You're probably right.

So let's just see the fifty therapists you've had in the past twenty years will stand right by us.

You know what I have. I've been in therapy for thirty years. My therapist finally fired me, legit fired me a few months ago. And the reason why she said, Bill, you know we've been in therapy. I've been with her for ten years. And she said, you know, Bill, you know we've been at it a long time. There's nothing I can do for you. Nothing. So she said it's time to uh, it's time to leave. What therapis fires a patient. And by the way, she she's not putting through college.

Pardon she was done putting her kids through college.

And she yeah, yeah, the kids are out of college. That's true. Yeah, yeah, okay. Anyway, Neil, good morning you are Dick. By the way, thank you, Amy, good morning. Well Hi Bill, uh there uh oh there is lovely will. Good morning Will, Good morning Bill. Oh t shirt says star wars on it. Yeah, because me the fourth come Sorry.

March the fourth.

All right, March fourteen, I'll tell you what it is is, As Amy pointed out this morning, it's the anniversary of the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. He was shot on the fourteenth. He died the next morning. Okay, here's one for you. Do do do do, do do do. What time did Abraham Lincoln die? When was he declared dead?

I think it was early in the morning, wasn't it.

H Howardly.

I'm going to leave that up to you, Bill Handle, because I have a feeling, you know.

And who said and now uh he is for the ages something I'm paraphrasing. Who said that? Santon edwin Stanton, Secretary of War And they had to haul uh Mary Lincoln out of the room because she was so out of her mo So she's in the other room crying hysterically while her husband is dying.

Well she was not.

Okay, here's another one. He was at Forge Theater when he was shot. What was he What was the play that was on when he's our good, our American cousin written by whom mom Laura Keene? What was the phrase that was being uttered as John Wilkes Booth assassinated Abraham.

Lincoln with a forever a tyrant in Latin.

No, that's when the sixth temper tyrannus is. What he said is he jumped down off of the box, the Presidential box John Wilkes booth, and broke his foot, snapped his ankle. No, No, the play was our American cousin. And here's one for if you watch Jeopardy. The line that was said as Lincoln was being assassinated and everybody in the theater broke out in laughter to cover up the shooting.

Boom goes the dynamite.

No, but that's very close. Sok a dial you sokka dologing old man trap. No one knew what that means, but everybody thought that was hilarious. Okay, what does it mean? It had to do with this woman who was a gold digger and just was horrible. In any case, it was a comedy. And I could go on and on and on and on. You know, I've read thirty books on Abraham Lincoln in the assassination. You know I could literally do an hour of asking those questions, if not too But I'm not going by you.

While you're going you should fifty to eighty him.

You can't.

Can't remember your own damn name.

Okay. Who was the only woman who was part of the assassination plot, who was the first woman actually executed in the United States and hanged with the other conspirators.

I don't remember her name, but I remember it from the show.

Ye, Mary Surrat. Okay, we have enough guys, everybody.

Mud.

Yeah, Samuel Muddy who was pardoned, by the way, who was later pardoned because he was a doctor in the Tortuga Islands and he was in prison and he was there during an epidemic and he was there to help and he did and he was pardoned.

Okay, enough of that better because his name was still mud. Do you know what?

That's exactly correct. That's exactly correct. My name is Mud.

Parto good means turtle.

Did we just use the entire Did I just do the entire first segment giving useless facts about the Abraham Lincoln assassin nation on the anniversary of the shooting of Abraham Lincoln.

I certainly did, Unison, Yes, Bill, Yes, you did.

Okay, fair enough. Oh, let's do one story. Okay, let's do it. Handle on the news, Amy neil me lead story the Pacific Coast Highway is going to reopen in time for summer, and based on the history of the Pacific Coast Highway and the rocks falling down, they're saying it will be July third for fourteen minutes, and so everybody better line up because oh, Cono, did I say good morning to you?

No?

Okay, okay, good morning Cono.

Thank you.

Anyway, so they're saying it's going to reopen for summer.

I hope we have a big shark.

Yeah. And now, who the hell anybody who lives in the northern regions of the Pacific Coast Highway on the other side of all of these rocks the and Pacific Coast Highway being blocked, they're out of their minds. Okay, guys getting.

To the governor man has been arrested in Pennsylvania and is going to face charges of attempted murder, terrorism and terrorism and arson. Thanks to an early morning fire that damaged the governor's mansion in Pennsylvania forced Governor Josh Shapiro, his family and guests to quickly escape. Apparently, the family had just celebrated passover at the residence on Saturday when they were awakened by state troopers around two am. They

Yeah. A couple questions here that I have. He said that he was targeted the governor because it was the first night of Passover and he's Jewish and they were celebrating their Passover. Okay, so was it targeted? Was it anti Semitism? The other question I have is that he was woken or the family was woken up. This is at two am with the police pounding on the door after flames were seen. Didn't they have smoke detectors? What?

Don't you think?

That's a really good question.

Don't know. Okay, you'd hope, but yeah, I don't get out. But anyway, we'll see, he says. He says the family was targeted because of him being Jewish. I don't know if that's true or not.

We'll find out.

Well, they've they've arrested the guy, and I would imagine we'll find out.

All right, Bertie Sanders, another Jew?

This is this? Is this all news all Jews today? Is it jew news? News for Jews?

Yeah? Oh boy, let's let's hope we get some boys in here.

Come on now, Senator Bernie sand made a surprise appearance on stage at Coachella, the music and arts festival there in India, on Saturday night. He was encouraging young generations to stand up and fight for justice. It scrags me up at Coachella, which I've been to on many occasions. Longest serving independent member of Congress. He says, we face some very difficult challenges, and he says the future of

Don't you know? Don't find it interesting? First of all, he's one hundred and fifty years old. His demographic is young people to an extraordinary amount because he is so liberal, because he is so left wing and young kid who.

Says everyone gets free pizza.

Yeah exactly, Yeah, yeah, because everybody. And when I was in college, and I'm sure when you were in college or a young person, you were all communists. You know, let someone else pay for it. The system should pay for all of us. And then you start saving some money and getting a job. You go, wait a minute, you know, why don't you work too?

What was the old saying? If you're young and conservative, you have no heart. And if you're old and liberal, you have no brain.

Yeah. My daughter Barbara, and we're talking, she was maybe to two and a half years old. We had a van in those days. Of course, we did a mommy soccer van. And we're getting off the freeway. This isn't this actually happened. We're getting off the freeway and there's a guy will work for food sign baging. My daughter rolls down the window. She presses the window down and looks at him and yells, get a job. She is

Were you were you for clemped with pride?

Oh yeah, absolutely, I you know I did the fist bump, you know, and I said, yes, yes, that's my daughter.

Okay, okay, so Bernie might have been a hit at Coachella.

This guy was kind of a bomb.

Police got a report of a suspicious man at the Agua Calian de Casino in Cathedral City City on Saturday morning. He said that he would be responsible for a bombing at Coachella, so police tracked him down. Determined that the guy's name is David Darvish from Santa Monica and around noon, about an hour and a half later, they found his vehicle in Palm Springs and he's been arrested and being held on a million dollars bail.

And he drove a Tesla. So you can bet social media is out there saying that Elon Musk ordered this.

No, does he really drive a Tesla?

Yeah, that's what the story says. Yeah, he was driving a Tesla.

Maybe he's angered by people keying and maybe maybe all right, speaking of rich people, US government is moving forward on this blockbuster anti trust case. Of course, this is alleging that Mark Zuckerberg and his company illegally built a social networking monopoly through the years of anti competitive conduct the judge. If the judge ends up siding with a government, Meta could be forced to break itself up and this could mean selling Instagram what's app Other tech giants are watching

I'm doing a story on that. I'm going to dive a little bit deeper in that at seven point fifty because there are a lot of moving pieces on that one.

Russia continues to pound Ukraine. A ballistic missile strike on the northern city of Sumi has killed at least thirty four people. Ukrainian officials say bodies were strewn across the central street, marking the war's deadliest attack on civilians this year. President Selenski said it happened as people were celebrating Palm Sunday and the attack was evidence that Russia had no intention of bringing its three year war to an end.

Yep As peace is sort of kind of being discussed. Prutin said, oh, yeah, he'll come to the table, but certain conditions have to be met. For example, a lot of land has to be given over to Russia, and this is one of those issues. Day one, remember day one of the new administration. Prices are going to go down, inflation is going to disappear. The Israeli Hamas war will end day one, and the Ukraine Russia war will end

So historically California was part of Mexico.

That's correct. And before that it was part of the you know, the indigenous people. What was the the Ying Yang Indians? No, yeah, or the Yang the Yang Sea Indians. You want to look that up. And what was the name of one of the tribes, like Malibu area.

There's still indigenous people in Mexico.

Yeah, there are, but none of those people around.

Vanish is not the language of Mexico.

After Spain. Yes, yes, the slave language, Bill.

It absolutely is. I mean what the Spaniards did to the indigenous people in Mexico. Uh, the Indians. Oh, by the way, here's one okay who named the Indians, Indians.

Wasn't that misunderstanding of Columbus.

That's good for you, Yes, he thought, Indiana, and he called yes, good for you. That's a jeopardy win. Excellent. We'll take a break and come back. Okay, today is useless fact days. That's what we're gonna do Monday, April fourteenth. We're gonna celebrate useless fact days.

Maybe it will stay in orbit forever.

Nope.

Six women what they're already on their way back.

Well, yeah, it was eleven minutes. That's it. Eleven minutes.

You made two lives in less than one tenth of that. Six women, including pop star Katie Perry, are scheduled to be launched. Worse scheduled now they're coming back for eleven minutes in the Blue Origin Rocket. I don't know why, but they went up there and O.

Because it's fun. This is this, this is fun.

And if you're a brazilionaire, why not.

Yeah, if you're gonna send your your future wife up there.

Because it's safe, it's fun. Now, how much would you pay? How much would you pay to go up there? And what are they charging? Forty dollars or something? If someone wants to buy a seat.

Well, except that Bezos' girlfriend is her fiance is always on the flight, so chances are he just paid for it.

Well, I think he just since he owns a company, he just gave a repass on that. But I don't understand people going out and spend that much money. You've ever been on a really fast elevator, Yeah, that's free, your safe, or a good, really good quality roller coaster at Magic Mountain. Okay, it's not eleven minutes, but it's close. Well, that costs you sixty bucks.

They did take off on time, they went up. They were waitless for a couple of minutes, then they were told to get back in their seats, and they're just about to touch down and land.

Day.

Yeah, let's bury the problem, shall we. More than one hundred and fifty miles of electrical power lines damaged in the Palisades and eaten fires are going to be replaced with underground lines. The project expected to cost eight hundred and sixty million dollars and will take years to complete, but official say the plan is to reduce the risk of wildfires in the area, as well as the need for emergency power shutdowns during extreme weather events.

How many thousands of miles do you think southern California Edison has in power lines? And underground power lines are by far the best way to go. First of all, they're exempt from fires, wildfires like this, and they certainly look better. The problem is they are expensive as.

Hell, no case and crash into them with a plane or nothing, height or any there.

But they cost big, big money developers. One of the reasons development is so expensive here in Southern California is developers have for the most part, if you're building a community, which developers do, it all has to be underground power lines.

Yeah, sooner or later you have to change the way we do.

But it's uh, you know, it's one of those that takes generations. All right, let's do one more to break.

I suck at spelling, but I can spell AI. I think carry the one. Secretary of Education Linda McMahon may may have a stake on her mind while she was speaking at a panel earlier this week, because she confused artificial intelligence known as AI with a one the name of the popular stakes.

You know, and social media is going nuts, big deal. So she miss she misspoke, okay, and of course social media media nailed her.

Wow, look at you.

I can't believe social media would come after her like that. You know, so, so media today is rotting the brains of our melia.

It's so so, it's not particularly impressive, okay, and it's melia, all right. So so a melia is by the way, that was not by the way, that was not that was not That was not stick. Guys, I really did that. You what you're telling us? That was not stick. What I'm saying is no big deal. People miss people mispronounce words.

Remember when Trump said two Corinthians.

Yeah, we listen.

Remember, We'll tell you the worst thing in the world is public speaking and having someone record it.

Oh, you do this stuff all the time.

Remember when Obama said the marine corpse?

Yeah, I mean, like it happens, it's.

No big deal, and everybody has such a big deal.

Yeah, they make a huge deal.

I mean there's regardless, yeah, air regardless.

There's plenty to attack people on public figures on either side of the political spectrum, but attack policy, for god's sake, not just a misspoken word, all right, guys.

Word technically at that point, yeah, no, it's a one steak sauce.

So I get it.

Okay, okay, people, it's time to get real no literally, the California Department of Motor Vehicles says you have to have that real ID by May seventh, and a lot of people are heading to the DMVs because they've been putting it off since. Remember it was delayed. It was supposed to happen like years ago, then it was delayed because of COVID. Well, now May seventh is the deadline. So starting today eighteen DMVs in southern California, we're going to We're going to open at seven am instead of

Yeah, this gets interesting, and is there going to be a lawsuit? I don't know, because you're not going to be able to get on an airplane without a real ID, although you can if you have a passport, but a lot of people don't have passports.

They're not the passport's expensive.

A real ID is nothing forty five bucks, so how but what's it one hundred and fifty for a passport?

Yeah, well whatever it is.

Yeah, so how can they What do you mean a lawsuit?

Well, because you have people that can't afford it, you have people that don't have access to a computer to make an appointment.

You've got holmost without an appointment. The reality is you have to have a driver's license to drive.

You have to have a well it's going to be a real ID driver's license because it shows up on your driver's license or ID.

My point is it's not a right to fly on a plane.

No, I understand, but entering a secured federal facility like courthouses, you have to have a real ID. All I'm saying is I'm for it. I have no problem with the national health a national ID. Most countries in the world have one. We don't. Ours don't exist. We have statewide IDs because the states have a lot of power. But I'm just saying I wouldn't be surprised if there's a lawsuit in there. That's all. I'm not pitching for it, but I think you have a.

Point where you're not.

Okay, let's go ahead that.

Squire, Yes, right, California National Forests. Look at all that would in the wake of the Trump administration Pepril five order to immediately expand timber production in the United States. We're looking at the national forests. Maybe one hundred and twelve point five million acres of forest land will be opened up to logging.

And have you ever been to the Koya National Forests. You look at those trees and you'll walk through one and through walk around one of those trees like a cathedral. And I remember when I went. You know how much outdoor furniture that tree could make? Redwood?

Oh, you do it?

The outdoor Uh, these overhangs, these oh, it would be fantastic. The decks, the number of decks you can make with a giant it would be.

One flat plane. You wouldn't even need boards because they're so big.

Yeah, they're not going to cut down old growth forests, are they?

No, they're not. No, But but you SI you no, you're right, we're pushing it. But national forests is they're protected those trees, and now logging will be allowed. Obviously they're day yeah or Earth. They they're gonna start logging down.

Good to go.

White House physician Captain Sean Barbarella Barbara Bella says that President Trump is in excellent excellent cognitive and physical health. He took his first physical during this term as president. Trump was found to have scarring on the right ear from a gunshot wound. And the doctor says, he's in excellent health, exhibiting robust cardiac, pulmonary, neurological and general physical function.

Well, he certainly has great cognitive skills. I mean that hasn't dropped at all. The rest said, who the hell knows his first year in the last term, His doctor after the physical said, and I love this. Either I think it was it was his doctor or he said it. I think it was his doctor said, Donald Trump is in better shape than any president in US history. I love that.

Say that?

Oh really, after Obama? How about George W who used to run and bike for hundreds of miles a secret service and the Secret Service couldn't keep up with him.

Yeah, how could you say? I mean, I think.

Obama was the only president I've ever seen with his shirt off.

Oh no, JFK, JFK. There's a picture of him in Santa Monica Beach, and he was a hard body. JFK had a great figure I got when I saw him. Oh you all right, buddy, Okay, all right, Why don't we Why don't we stop right there? Okay, Cono gave me the look, Oh god, all right, we're done.

Hard body. Yeah, kind of.

Kind of exciting, actually he was. And there's a great picture of a woman screaming in delight because she just saw the President of the United States in Santa Monica in the water, Santa Monica Beach. Very exciting. I got excited.

Then Marilyn Monroe popped up from underwater.

Yeah, all right, one, so she stayed underwater. Okay, never mind, not going to go there either. Kf I am six point forty. You've been listening to the Bill Handle Show. Catch my Show Monday through Friday, six am to nine am, and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app.