Today we are talking about dating, how we've been duped about what it is by following a one size fits all in the box solution disguised as a custom solution, along with one step you can take to feel good about it. I believe that if each person had less stress in their lives, our world would be more harmonious. To me, stress is the source of all that doesn't feel right, that's
wonky, or that's wrong. In our world does not feel good and causes people to be mean or mistreat people, or, just for us not to feel good. I know when I'm stressed, my emotions are off kilter. I don't communicate well, make choices, or act in a way that produces the results I seek or want. And it honestly makes others not feel great either. This is true with the dream of having and being in a loving, respectful, long term
relationship as well. Not having that, and yet, dreaming about it over a longer period of time can cause immense stress just about every day. And think about it, this dream to be in this loving relationship starts as early as being a teenager. And so that stress builds up over time.
And when we add, going out and dating and having that first date and it not working out, or a second date and not working out, or three months later, it not working out, or five months later, whatever, the time frame is, all of those experiences tack on stress through our, experiences, right? Because they don't feel good. there's struggle, there's discomfort, there's fear, there's doubt, there's uncertainty. our hearts close up, our minds close up. We become
more self reliant. There's just so much packed onto this notion of a dream of having and being in a loving relationship and not having it. Shoot. I still have firm memories of going to the skating rink, for example. And yes, I am dating myself right now. I remember vividly to this day the times that I sat on the sidelines during this couple's skating sessions, watching everyone skate. I felt so
alone. And yet, when the very few occasional brave persons stopped by to ask me to skate, I would not say yes. What was that about? I now realize that that was more about fear, doubt, lack of clarity. And if I were to be brutally honest with myself, it was more about judgment and fast forwarding in my head, in my heart, in my mind, to a relationship with this person and all the reasons why it would not work out.
Instead, I would say no. Now I want to avoid all of that, so I'm just going to say no. To you asking me to skate. All of this happened within fractions of a second in my head. And gosh be darn, it was just one invitation to skate with somebody. Isn't it crazy how our minds and bodies do so? It's really mostly in our mind, and then we take it on into the rest of our body. It's crazy how our minds do so much processing that results in being stuck or
in a struggle. Many of us are wired to be in a relationship. We long for it. And so we go out into the world and date with the desire and intention to fall in love. Warning, I'm going to be talking about falling and what the word fall means. Messages of falling in love are feeding our hearts and minds everywhere and every day, and even more so on holidays, family gatherings, or, when we're the third or the fifth wheel at events where
mostly couples are present. I believe this has done us, you and me, a disservice. I don't believe in falling in love. In my work with singles and couples over the last two decades, every single person, male or female, who fell in love experienced heartache, struggle, and relationship failure repeatedly.
However, the ones who allowed love to organically and naturally progress in their relationship, whatever stage it was, whether it was a friendship, family relationship, or an intimate relationship, or a desire for an intimate relationship, every single one of those people succeeded in not only creating and designing, but also having happy, fulfilling, deeply connecting and sustaining relationships.
I'm really big into words. They have so much packed power, energy and meaning, and they create our reality as well as our dreams. We think in words and images, or we sense them, we feel in words and images as well. So just imagine for a moment the power your words and visuals and thoughts have over you when you don't choose them intentionally, purposefully. To serve your highest good, to serve your desires, to serve bringing your dreams into reality. So the word to fall or falling is very
powerful. If something is falling, it means it is becoming lower in size, amount, or strength. To fall means to suddenly go down onto the ground or towards the ground without intending to or by accident. So you better believe I am not into falling in love, because that's, what I call accidental love and not intentional love. To fall also means to be beaten or defeated or losing your power. And here's the one that really grabbed me and choked me into tears.
To fall means to move from a higher to a lower level, typically rapidly and without control. I was totally doing this to myself in my dating years. No wonder I was flailing and failing in my quest to be loved. M after much time and experience in dating world and many failed dating relationships, I realized I no longer wanted to use that word. That word fall or falling, that has so much energy and meaning that does not serve my highest good.
Sure, there are other meanings of this word, like my hair falls loosely around my face. But even with the context of falling in love, I don't feel like falling as a word connected with. I don't feel like feel that falling, or think that falling as a word put together with love or connected with love is a high resonant, high vibration, energy word or phrase that is designed to coexist with the higher vibration word of love. Not even
in the context of finding the love of your life. In my stressfree dating system, single women who have a desire, a deep desire to be in a relationship that lasts where mutual love, reciprocity, equality, compassion, connection, joy, ease, communication, dreams, shared dreams, individual dreams, being supported and more is present. Well, they learn a new way to explore who they are in a relationship. They design their ideal relationship
ahead of time with clarity. You see that it is very intentional and purposeful. They become crystal clear about what works for them and what will, know what will not. They start to see they are at choice. They start to see that all those bad experiences with people from their prior experiences were not really their fault or the other person's fault. It was simply about making choices that either honor or dishonored themselves or that were out of alignment with who we are and our deepest desires.
Through this system, these women then are able to almost magically attract more of the types of people and experiences that are aligned with their plan, ultimately leading them to the love, of their life. And I also happen to know this because I used the system myself and met my darling husband, who I've been married to for. It's going on 19 years, almost, later this year, within
six weeks of really doing this inner work. You see, this inner work is a mirror to our outer world and our outer reality and our outer experiences. So whatever we're thinking, feeling, doing, being internally, the world is going to mirror or try to match up with that. And I learned that many times the hard way until I started to think differently, feel differently, see things differently, and plan, planning. I cannot emphasize, how magical, planning is, and yet so few of us do it in all areas
of our lives. Sure, we plan our day out on our calendar and our to do lists and our jobs, the things we have to do at work, but how many of us really plan our dreams? How many of us really, plan out and map out a path to purposefully and intentionally accomplish and achieve and receive what we want in our lives and even who we want? These women also learn to stop dating. The word date is another word that. Oh, man, let's talk about that
now. Okay. It's associated with time and place or a type of edible fruit. So, yeah, I can conceivably see how it evolved, most ostensibly by marketers and product service companies, to mean having a social or romantic appointment or engagement. But this word date has many, many other meanings. And it's, only reflected to mean having a social or romantic appointment or engagement in one context. Every other meaning of the word date is, related to time and or place
or the fruit. So I can totally see how marketers, product service companies and other providers took it on to mean having a social or romantic appointment or engagement. Then the word dating took on a whole new energy. And then there's business models around it. Those business models, make no mistake, leverage our emotions and feelings, and they use it without, I, would say in some cases, not necessarily, with the intent to hurt. And maybe they don't recognize this unintended result.
But the leveraging of our emotions and feelings then being used, that breeds or to breed more loneliness, more feelings of lack of love, a stronger desire to have a relationship, a, strong feeling of, what's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? All these other people in my life have relationships and more self deprecation, with the intention of getting us to take action. Like getting on a dating site or something else, depending on who or what
is sending you that message. That results in that, low vibration emotion and feeling that results in us, craving and wanting it even more in an unnatural, inorganic way. I invite you to be grounded and resonant. And no longer take in all of those messages that are self deprecating, that result in you feeling less than who you are. You see, wherever you are, in your context and experience of being single or wanting to
have a love life. Whatever you are feeling right now, and whatever your past relationship history and patterns were, please hear me when I say this. It's not your doing. It's not your choosing. It's not your being. All it is is learning and conditioning and programming from external sources outside of yourself that did and does not serve you. It's not the people who were in your life that contributed to the pain, struggle
or sufferings doing either. You all were simply being within the constructs of dating that you were unaware would create the pain, struggle, and suffering until you became aware, but then you didn't know what to do with that awareness. So what happened is we, and I include myself in this, held onto those memories and carried them forward into our present and carried them forward into, the relationships that we had from that
point forward. They're like heavy backpacks on our backs and suitcases in our hands that feel like they're superglued to us and we can't get rid of them. It feels like we can't even reach a zipper to let out some of the stuffing in those backpacks and bags today. It really saddens me to see all the mainstream messages and models about men, women, love and dating. There's no shortage of advice, books, courses, experts, dating sites, dating organizations, retreats, et cetera, with the promise of
finding you love. What we think, see, do and feel creates our reality. That is, attraction, inaction. We falsely think that this is all there is. So let me just keep using those tools or methods the way they tell me to, or the way, others have used it and had success. That success, I believe, was accidental and not
intentional. and the reason why I say that is because all of the clients and people that I have had the privilege to work with and collaborate with that were not intentional, use the tools and accidentally, it just kind of worked out and created success in their relationship goal many of those years later, sometimes decades later, experienced failure, those relationships ending, those individuals finding me to help them save their relationship. So I'm
more of a preventive type gal. I'm like, why do we even have to go through all of that? Why can't we just plan and be prevention oriented and guarantee our sustained and future success intentionally? So, here's some things that I did and how I felt, in my own life and journey. One is I stopped using the word date or dating during my single years. Instead, my vibe shifted to a place of empowerment of self love, compassion, and love of people, genuine interest and curiosity of
people. And if I was with somebody, for me, it was a person of the opposite sex. heterosexual relationship is what works for me. A little side note, I work with all relationship models. I am non judgmental, non critical, very open minded, and very supportive of you and
what works for you. So when I share about my life, it may not be a fit for you as to the construct of the relationship, but the messages and the lessons and the learnings and the tools and the planning, construct and framework that I provide can be customized for you and by you. So back to my vibe. I shifted to a place of empowerment, self love and compassion. I started being interested in people genuinely. Without thinking that it was a
date. I started learning about different people out in the world and what was aligned and resonant and vibrant for me and what wasn't. I realized that I couldn't be all for everybody as much as I am, all about love and being loved. I have learned the hard way that that is not possible for me to be that way with every single human being on this planet. And that was very relieving. Also the word date or dating and all the baggage and luggage that comes with it,
including all the service providers. And believe me, I've read a lot of books about this topic, and, different magazines, different opinions, et cetera. And it's all the same old stuff, just reworded. And it just all felt very manipulative to me once I became aware. And here's the rub.
Here was the gut punch for me. I realized and accepted and acknowledged that I was allowing all of these external forces to control my inner world, which then produced the results that I was having and experiencing in my outer world. Not to my benefit, of course. I learned much later on that it was not designed to be my benefit and that these were just all tools to help carry me towards my goals and that I could choose how and when to use them. And then I stopped giving all my credo, all of my
faith, all of my trust to these tools. And I stopped succumbing to the tools. Method advisor, expert, coach, one way or the highway, one solution only, opinions. And I started tuning in to, When I saw something that interested me or sparked my interest on dating or a relationship topic, I would tune in and see whether it was resonant for me. I wouldn't just jump at the excitement of
it. I would wait until I was in neutral energy to when my hormones were balanced, when my endorphins were calm, I wasn't in a false high state. through those emotions and endorphins, I waited till I was grounded, and then I would see, is this resonant? Is this going to serve me in my highest good? Is this going to propel me forward, in my desires, dreams and objectives? I realized I was at choice, not them. I realized, however, that I needed to stop allowing them to choose for
me. Now, I'm not saying that dating sites or products or services are inherently bad. What I am saying is that how we use and leverage them is off kilter. We put all our faith into these external sources and their process before putting ultimate and complete faith in ourselves. Sadly, the majority of these options are low vibration and low resonant options for those who are sensitive, empathic, love based, compassion oriented, high vibration beings. These models don't generate the
results they seek. These models prey, on our sensitiveness, our desires, our dreams, our emotions and feelings and lack, and I don't prescribe to that anymore. I just don't. I want to bring the best out in you. You are a divine human being. You are brilliant. You are radiant. You are amazing. And these models that don't bring that out in you, I am not a fan of, nor do I prescribe to them. And here's a secret. These models don't generate the results you
seek. Only if you don't place yourself in the I choose seat and just use those tools for your own divine and highest purpose and objectives. And tune in to see whether it's resonant for you, going to serve you for your highest good, and whether it's going to propel you forward or backward into the abyss of feeling bad about yourself. What if, instead, we approach them as tools to assist us, to intentionally and purposefully accomplish our
desires, dreams and goals? I invite you to please stop giving your power of choice away to others and anything else outside of yourself. I invite you to tune into your resonance and vibrations. Please honor yourself. Please acknowledge your choices and make choices that are highly resonant, high, vibrating, and totally, totally grounding for you going forward. And if you find that you're uncertain or you have doubt or anxiety, those are. Wow. Those are gifts.
Those are signposts. Those are guideposts telling you you do not have to choose right now. Those are guideposts saying, just be patient, go get busy, do other stuff. Take your mind off that topic and wait it out. Saying yes or no becomes easier when you give yourself the gift of time to process it instead of just diving in and just going forward and making choice, just going for it without processing it. Feeding ourselves and what I mean is feeding our minds, hearts and soul
messages and information, that's high vibration. And high resonance of, high resonance is really what we are craving. I am really privileged and honored to say that this is what I provide in my stressfree dating system. Thank you so much for listening. Today, I invite you to take this step in your life in every moment going forward. Stop using the words date or dating. They falsely create what feels like high vibration energy. But it's temporary and not
sustained. Take a look at other words. If you're not single and you're listening to this podcast that aren't high vibration and choose ones that are that work for you when something or someone does not feel aligned or right, please be silent to hear your heart, mind and soul's whisper. Please put your faith and trust in that you will know what to do
or say. If you allow yourself the time, the breath, the listening, and the honoring of your inner wisdom, then simply ask yourself, what choices can I make now, tiny or large, that can and will restore me to alignment or feeling resonant or grounded?