The Suck Zone: Mulaney Followup

This sucks song and that's that technical Therefore, obviously.

Where did I hear that? What is that from? That's from Twister? That's right, sucks Philip.

Seymour Hoffman, the star of the movie. No offense to Bill Paxton. So the Suck Zone is a new segment that's really just following up on some stories that we might have done over the past week and you kind of go an update's happened, but we haven't dedicated a full segment to it.

So last week was the big week.

Of one hundred men versus a Gorilla, which spun off into if you don't know what that was, it was a thing that popped up on Twitter just to hypothetical, and that's spun off to John Mulaney, the comedian who hosted Netflix talk show for Wednesday Night. He said that on a season finale on May twenty eighth, he is going to fight three fourteen year old boys.

All right, so you.

Hear that and like, okay, that's funny. Well, last night, this this is what he revealed.

All Right, the moment is nigh.

We're about to reveal my first challenger for a teenager fight night. But I'd like to say first that a lot of people have been contacting me. Some'm very concerned about my promise on our final episode May twenty eighth to fight three fourteen year olds. You've been asking me questions like John, why would you do this? Why would you fight boys? That's your first mistake right there. Fourteen

Okay, so good, pretty funny setup.

Right now, he's turned it back on everyone else too, and almost taken up for the boys. So he's basically said, you know what we're going to do. We're going to reveal them one week at a time. Here's boy number one or young man number one.

So here is.

The very someone.

Okay, yeah, okay.

I should have shown you guys a picture of this.

Now, with all that said, I'm ready to learn the identity of my first adolescent adversary, who again I have not seen until this moment, Richard.

Take it away, ladies.

Her first fourteen year old challenger stands at a whopping five eight inches tall and still growing, weighing in at one hundred and forty two pounds. Give it up for Ben, whose last name we cannot say.

I be I'm fourteen years old.

I am extremely confident that I'm going to beat up John Mulaney. Beating up John Mulaney would help my self esteem a lot and help me grow as a person.

Also, it would really help my popularity. Coming for you, John.

To all of the writers and people behind the scenes who picked that first challenger, I'm thinking, thank you. I don't know how popular is gonna make you. You have a deep voice.

I'll give you that. Rich What do you think I think you're fighting young men? I don't like that. You're not alone. That's our show.

My thanks, Andy said, I cannot wait.

Till next Wednesday night to see the second young boy.

Wait, don't say that, but like, yeah, it's a it was so fun.

So what did he look like?

Did it look like, uh, when you just looked at that kid, did you think that would be anywhere close to a fair fight.

I thought.

I didn't think he's not he's not skinny, pretty solid. Yeah, he's pretty solid, and I was I kept thinking, like, he's just a little shorter than me.

He's about like twenty pounds more than me, like my height, my same height, and add twenty more pounds to me.

That that's it.

I wouldn't mind seeing Christina fight John mulana good.

Or Christina and KT. Oh, dude, y'all should fight. I don't want to fight anyone. Okay, Christina and my three kids against KT. I like that. That'd be great, because a college man, I.

Just wouldn't have it in me. I don't think i'd have it in me to physically hurt anyone.

All right, let's get three kids in a female and have him fight a pacifist.

Oh yeah, okay, the.

Old Well okay, So my thought was that three of these guys could probably take him, but one that he would handle him.

But I mean, John m'laney's pretty slender too.

What he's gonna happen, I don't know. I don't know where this is going. Go ahead, sorry, skin, what are his stats? John mullaney?

Like his height, he's probably three and a half or voice tall.

Right, let's kind of type it in and find out because I truly don't know.

One of the problems with this he's he's just six feet tall. Oh wow, I thought I swallowing it. One of the problems with this scenario is, in order to go hit somebody, you have to muster up the angst or the energy or the fight or whatever. Like, how are you gonna get interested in going and hitting teenage? No?

Right, that's then That's why I wonder, like he's promising this thing in this long drawn up bit that has bits of it weeks at a time, and I'm like, Okay, he can't back out of this. But at first I was like, man.

He's kind of skinny, and he's kind of uh, I don't know.

There's something about him, the way he talks. He would make you think this guy. But then I remember, this guy has been doing hard drug since he was thirteen. He grew up on the bad side of Chicago, Like he does have a background.

This happen, this will never happen, which makes me wonder where it's going. But I'm along for the ride.