Taco Wars

All right, So I got to tell you guys a funny story. So I have to protect some names here. I got to be very careful about this. This is a real thing that happened. I was recently at a company, all right around lunchtime, okay, and someone brought in food for this company, okay, okay. And I was talking to two people that work at that company, and they were just having small talk about the food that was brought in,

Pepper and if they kind of gave you a little bolt? He said there was a bolt in it.

And I was stunned, and I was like, wait what And then he made the gesture you're showing that it was a metal bolt, you know, like a tool like as that would go that would accompany his screw. And so there was a bolt in his taco.

Skin.

You told me story. We will again not put any company on blast here.

Yep.

It's a place that I definitely when I lived in down there, I used to enjoy going to. And he told me a harrowing story about something that was in a taco.

Condom my dad.

My dad been into a street taco that had a razor blade.

Yeah, that is happy Halloween stone.

And so we were sitting there at lunch and he was like, you made this crazy face and then we looked and there was razor blade. That's terrorism, that's attempted murder that doesn't accidentally happen. That's like, well, but if it is possible that you you for street tacos use the razor bay blade to grind up like the Cilantro or the Youngs, to make him even finer, because that

It's I mean, who.

Knows, right, because it's a one, it's not a chain, it's not a chain. So they're doing whatever they want, prison rules style. Let's just make it how we want, and we make him with this razor blade, although the staff may not be properly trained, and you get down the road a little bit and someone accidentally leaves little razor blade in a taco.

Yeah, or shave when I cook sometimes? So and what you shave? Okay, so you're over the stove and you're shaving. I don't have to be the stove. It could be the sink. It could be the cuking and the sink could be And he's talking about his pubic region.

You realize it would be safer for you to cook a meal in your toilet than it would to be cooking in your sink.

Really, Yeah, I don't cook in the sink, just over it.

He has you wash something here? Do you have burners in your sink? No, let's get back to the bolt.

The preparation.

I will say this, though, I do stumble across this guy on social media who makes food in hotels in the bathroom.

That's weird. So he'll set chicken.

Down on the counter in a bathroom and like make nachos and stuff in the sink. Oh, Hasslehoff likes to eat his food on the floor of hotels rooms.

There's some fecal matter on your food.

The thing about what been just described, though, is that it's a world just full of dumb content. And so the guy that's like, you know, I'm the guy that makes chicken nachos in the bathrooms of hotels.

Oh yeah, I know who you are.

You know.

It's like, what is the little thing you can do to differentiate yourself from all the other dumb stuff.

There's the guy who goes through.

Like walmarts and like films people's reaction while he drops fake farts?

Yeah what about that? What about that?

Uh?

That busty gal that went into the walmart and remember she was doing stuff in the produce section. Oh, she was leaving her underwear. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, she had a bit. That's her bit. That's her bit. Let's see what It doesn't seem like it takes a lot of talent, but it's certainly a way to distinguish herself. There's the guy who goes, I don't know, this could be cussing in Spanish, so I won't say it, but he's.

I don't know, I'll just translate it.

Go ahead, No, I think it does it rhyme with minshi mindejo right, kind of nice. He's a guy that goes and he says that we were to say that on Kleno. No, that's not what he's saying. Oh, she probably means like, I'm suddenly.

You don't even know you're a great bit because I remember that you probably Moneno guy went up to Joe Biden and like yelled at him and Joe Biden.

Okay, this brings up an interesting question about the FCC. Do they just monitor English two one four seven eight seven one because I speak English? So if I happen to say a group of syllables that in some other language may be offensive, I can't control that I'm speaking English. The reality is we've learned nobody is monitoring. They're just waiting for a report.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're waiting for a complaint. I've always worried about complaints.

Which I could say with that phrase it means multiple things. So you look it up, so well, look it up on Spanish urban dictionary. Oh dude, I need to check Urban Dictionary because I submitted a phrase last week, remember golden pouches. Yeah, I need to see if they accepted my They never sent me an email.

I was disappointing.

I want to know, though, did you know the guy that ate the bolt before that encounter.

Yes, okay, so it's just listening right now.

So it's a guy that you know that okay, clearly you played basketball with him. No, and uh, okay. And he bit into a bolt.

Yeah.

And when he bit into the bolt, was he eating a taco? In your face? And goes, oh my god, I bit into a bolt earlier. He had some lunch and he ate and he bit into a taco and there was a bolt in it, okay, and it hurt his tooth and everything. Did you see his broken tooth? I didn't break his teeth. Did you look into his mouth? No?

I didn't. Well, rubbing his belly, I did not. Okay.

So the guy tells you. The guy tells you he broke his tooth on a bolt. He didn't break his tooth, oh, he said. He just randomly brought up. I was eating a taco and there's there's tacos, and by the way, I was eating one of them and there was a bolt in it.

Now here's where it really gets interesting to me. And this is where I gained a lot of respect for this guy. And I was like, Okay, this is my kind of guy.

He went back and had another taco and it shows what good tacos they are, because he was like, all right, I'm willing to look past this bolt in this taco. This was an accident. I have total taco confidence. I'm gonna eat another taco. It's delicious, you know. And here's

I think he can.

I think he can put on a blindfold and just have taco shoved in his mouth at all times.

He's good.

It sounds like he viewed it as not only did he get a taco, I got an extra bolt.

Yeah.

And then he asked me do you want to see it the tooth or the bolt or the penis or the bolt or his tool pouch. Because if a guy comes up to me and he's like, do you want to see it? I immediately think he's that's goofy. Yeah, especially he says, hey, man, you want to see my boat? Uh, the whole thing reminded me of our intro.

Start time boys.

Right now, you're ready, right right, right, right time to.

Do one.

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Zone out, creak it up, feed the habit.

I'm want anything out. My friend rocking on Homeboys talking, it's just a baby, baby, go Katie in all the radio.

So a friend of ours bit into a taco and bit a bolt. I had another friend just texted and say, better a bolt than a nut.

Yeah, man, you know what I mean. On the person right, and it does the razor blade.

You said your dad bit into a taco or brito and ate a razorblade, or bit into a razor blade. Man, He's lucky that he bit into that like flatly as opposed to it being vertically, because it could have just sliced up his gums and then who knows, I could have gotten infected or you know, a lot of horrible things could have happened there, and that likes his tongue. That's a little hole in the wall spot right it it's a place that is attached to another place where

Dang, you know what I'm saying. I'm pretty much in yeah. Wow, But I don't think you're gonna find it at a place.

Christina, hold on, well, You're not going to find it at a place it at some point one's residence.

Okay, but you can't. He brings up a good point. You will you make me a taco.

If we're gonna be thorough, we have to go to every building in America and see if there's a taco there. I think houses. I think it's a residential thing. Oh, who has the best thing.

I've got quite a bit of family. Who can get you going? Really? Who has the best residential tacos?

Well?

You get great.

You guys are both married to Hispanic women. Do you feel like you have a way better understanding of taco life than most people?

Now? Have you learned more about it?

I think I do, actually, because I'm straight up gringo.

Gringo tacos are dope, but I kind of yearned for the real deal. Did you say, urine? For the real deal?

These are?

This is This was very early on in my relationship with my wife. Is the first time that her mom was making tacos. There was nothing even remotely cheese related. And I grew up in tex mex World. Yeah, put some cheese on there to then I was like, oh, there's no cheese over here. I don't understand how can I process this? And so her mom is just such an accommodating person. She started bringing caeso fresco. Oh no, right, and so there'd be the little white crumbled cheese that

It's like, so do it how you want to do it? No, you can't know that person. Do it how you want to.

That's a person you shouldn't need. You don't have to psycho do your thing however you want to do it. I agree with that sentiment, except for on that case of that one person. So I mean, if if we were to start a TV show that was Taco Wars, Taco Wars uh and we I mean, would you go fast food or only dine in?

Would you go residences?

I think you include fast food residences, pop up stands, fast casual, okay fast?

What corn tortilla? I mean, are you going? Are you going flour? Corn?

Whatever? Like?

Sometimes if I'm offered flour or corn and I choose flour, my wife looks at me sideydude.

That and that slander needs to stop.

Be a little more welcoming into the culture and don't because sometimes you just want a flower tortia taste better.

It's worse for you, but it tastes better.

Christina, you go to a restaurant and they got great tacos.

How are you ordering it corn? Soft?

See?

I I'm going soft because I had corn tortillas just last week and they just break apart so easily.

Respect They're not a taco meat delivery system like like a pouch a lot of So that's why a lot of corn tortillas will double tort well, yeah, a lot of double see they'll double tort with oh right, right right.

You'll see that frequently.

So if you're getting a street taco, obviously you're gonna go corn tortilla, double corn tortilla.

But sometimes if it's like you know, and there's the whole idea of is it homemade, which just means did you hate did you make these tortillas?

Man?

The quote unquote homemade flower tortilla. That is sexual pomp. It is so good, dude, And that's why that place roses that they make those tortillas right there in front of you.

There's so much better. That's good.

Uncle Julio's too, Yeah, yeah, I like to sell so over a Uncle Julio's.

You know what I'm down with too? Uh for a crunchy taco. I love a greeno taco and a crunchy shell.

Love it. I want one crunchy one soft, but take you that's good?

Way wait together, yeah, no, I'll do it together.

Yeah, that's a taco bell item. You can make it on your own though, you make it on your own. Yeah, I want one crunchy, one soft and it breaks apart. I have not chos.

I think taco is the best a la carte individual item there is. Oh yeah, you know what I'm saying. Where there's individual items, I mean the closest thing to that would.

Be a salad. But once to eat a sound. Right.

So it's just like tacos are just ever expanding into a world of magic. Like there's so many different ways to taco. That's the way to put it right there. All right, we just started a new show called Taco warst Yep. All right, coming up next, let's take it to Hollywood, Katie. Why is Jessicas Simpson in the news, Well, she swallowed something, ben.

I leave it at that.

Yeah, all right, it's a dream come true. We'll discuss it next. Before we get there, let's talk about