Meet the Parents

This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast with iHeartRadio.

It's almost Famous podcast.

We are here today with a very special episode. We have two people very close to me and my life. My parents are joining us today, Dave and Amy Higgins, the newest grandparents of Wainona Elaine Higgins. I am an only child actually, to remind everybody, and so this like I'm their one and only shot at having a kid, grandchild.

I'm having a kid. Yeah, you're a grandchild.

We are here in Evergreen, Colorado today because my parents have been out here. They came out five days before when he was born. We have like the last five days together, got to hang out and then they rented an airbnb through the month, so they're here for another week helping out around the house. We remodeled a bathroom. We'll talk about all this stuff we've been up to obviously hanging out with Winny a Ton.

It's been an amazing time. So we're gonna break down.

I think today, according to the notes that I have what it's like to be grandparents.

I know this is so exciting.

We've been talking to Ben so much, but I had no idea you guys were staying there for the entire month, or you were there before the baby was born. I love that idea. That's great for grandparents that live out of state. I but hello, hello, and welcome to the podcast. Mister missus Higgins. It's so lovely to have.

You, Thanks for having us.

Good to see you.

Ashley, good to see too.

You guys are so sweet and I'm so happy that your grandparents yees. Like Ben said, I do feel like it almost adds a little special element being that you do have an only child that like now you kind of have your second child in a way in a grand child. Tell us about the story in which Ben told you that you were going to be grandparents.

That is David's Let him tell that story, because okay was great.

Yeah.

So back around Father's Day, we drove out here in r V and when we hit then in Jess's house. We went in the house and we were probably not even in the house for no more than five minutes actually, and Jess goes, I want to see the RV. So we go out and she presents me with a Father's Day card and I'm going to mess up probably the verbiage of it, but the key was.

You're not only you're not only a great father, you're also a great grandfather.

Not a great grandfather.

And I looked there and go, are you telling me something?

Girl?

And she goes yep, And then everything went south from there.

Oh my gosh, I love that.

Oh that's awesome. How in the loop were you about them trying to conceive?

Oh, I mean.

We knew when.

Kind of the timeline of when they thought they wanted to start trying, and then we knew you know, a lot about the just things that went into to that, and not a lot of detail, but we knew they were actively trying, and so you know, we were patiently waiting for that big news someday. And yeah, no, it was great.

Actually, I don't know if your parents were this way, and maybe it's just a memory I made up of my head, but I felt like, like, in the most healthy way possible, they've wanted to be grandparents since I was like a child. Like I feel like they all like they had a kid to be grandparents.

That was well, my mom was definitely like your biological clock by a.

Grandma, you know, like once I was in my upper twenties, she and then you know, she was always like, why.

Do you want to wait another like two years? You know, blah blahlah blah.

We were married, It's like, mom, chill out. Yes, she was very eager. My dad honestly didn't like give a crapola. But then when the kids were here, my dad was very excited about them. So, guys, I need to know about how Ben has been as a dad so far. Is he fitting the exact involved as you imagined?

You know?

I never had a doubt.

Yeah, none of us did, but I just couldn't believe that.

Like even the very first time we met mynah at the hospital and she needed to diaper change.

I mean, this.

Boy picked her up, took her ride over, started in, told me all about the proper ways that you were supposed to clean a baby girl up and be careful of her umbilical cord, you know, and just was diapering this brand new baby up. And I just was I was just thrilled.

I knew he was born for it good, you know, I mean, he's just he's just such a tender person anyway, So now it didn't surprise me at all that he jumped right in there, but it was it was just too sweet to see.

I'll tell you I had.

To watch a lot of videos. It's front to back.

Just let everybody know when you have a baby girl, you have to make sure you go front to back.

Un wipe.

Yes, guys, have you been How was your role been at the house. I know you're probably trying to balance that delicate line that is like being helpful but not being overbearing.

Yeah, how do you think we've managed that?

I think pretty well. You know, it is very interesting.

When we first got back from the hospital, Ben and Justin bte us over and they kind of had this plan, this daily plan as far as here's the feeding, here's the quiet time, here's when we need some help. So they did a really great job of laying that out. And like Ben said, you know, we had some projects to do as a bathroom model, that type of thing. So it was really well planned by those two and it made it made it easy.

I have to say, I was so thankful after the first the couple first days that the kids took guests work out of it for us to so that we didn't feel like awkward and what do we do with ourselves? They set out a really nice timeline and.

I really appreciated it because it's worked.

Really I think it's worked really well, and we've been very productive. We've got a lot of great things done, and I think for me, a lot of it has just been that freedom to know not only what our expectations they expected from us, but just to be able to spend enough time that we can watch the two of them as new parents. And I tell you, Jessica is the m them both are just rocking it that I can't be more proud of.

Them than well, just they're crushing it.

They're crushing it.

There's a you know, when we got home, so originally Ashley, about a month ago, I had this really solid thought in my head, I want to spend the first two nights without anybody coming.

Over at home.

Well that didn't really work out because Jess's family, based on when we had Winnie, their last day in Denver was the day we got home from the hospital, and like, we're not going to tell them, hey, sorry, don't come over, we want them over.

And so they came over.

And then that night Jessica and I sat and talked and said, hey, what do we want out of these first couple of weeks?

And part of that was okay.

We won a few days just us to kind of get in start getting into that routine of what it's going to look like.

But we also want.

People around because that's really fun to like experience, and so we set up like a schedule because I think the best communication is the clearest communication. It also is very important to note that my family does not sit well ever, and so we had to have a project, and so we did. We remodeled the bathroom in the course of this month. That's great that they help with and so it's gone really great. I mean they've gotten good time with Winnie, They've gotten to get the memories of seeing.

You know, us start to become parents.

And then also we've gotten a lot done around the house that's going to be really helpful for us for the future.

That's perfect. You guys have the right mentality.

Super quality time with Whalen man. Yeah, and the dog.

Ben.

What's your relationship with Whalen now? Because I told him, I was like, you are going to of course love Whalen still, but he will not no longer be your baby.

You're wrong. It's closer than ever.

And that's just because he's so obsessed with winning.

It really is because he's made it so easy, like he's been the best dog to her.

He licks her in the morning, he looks her at night. It's so and then he kind of leaves her alone the rest of the day. But if she naps on the couch and her like.

Sleepy pillow thing, he lays his head right next to hers and falls asleep too.

That's so cute.

I just like and so nowadays, like my we have a very similar team. You want to get him out, so I walk with him a lot, whereas I'm so proud of that dude.

He's the best.

Yeah, that's really sweet of him.

What is your biggest piece of advice for Ben now that he is a father, If you could like go back in time and give yourselves advice about parenting, what would it be?

I know this is like a huge vague question, but or not.

Just me, anybody listening to Yeah, of course, like anybody.

Yeah, okay, I think for me, I'm not speaking for David, but for me I and it's been one of my things even when we were raising Ben, was too not only just do your best to raise a healthy human.

But.

To be willing to kind of be patient and struggle through the what it takes to raise an individual like so give them, Give your child, even as a newborn, even the opportunity to kind of learn for themselves the things that.

They like, or to.

Explore different options and have conversations, to have a healthy environment to agree or disagree. And you know, I think that starts early on, even you know, And so for me, that's I just always wanted to make sure that I was raising a child who learned to know themselves.

So I don't know about you.

Yeah, well, it's been fun to witness it from our aspect because Ben and Jess have just absolutely done a great job.

And you know, one of the things that I would encourage.

Him to do is to to live in the moment because these moments are so special right now, Yeah, and it.

Goes fast and yeah, you know, you know how it was really really fast.

So I think what they've done at this point in time, the foundation that they've laid, has been absolutely marvelous.

And uh, it's been fun to witness it really is so sweet.

The one thing when people say like, well, what was the differentiator with your childhood? You know, obviously being an only child, people have their you know, assumptions of what life was like growing up. And that was one thing that was always really good about our HOUSEPLD was I was never spoiled.

You only had balls. I know this, that's the only toy you got. That's the only toy.

Yeah, I have any I mean literally, if you asked them, I would say, YE had a closet full. But but the like I probably was.

They went a little like on the opposite of spoiling. Like it was never this entitlement. You get what you want, you get what you asked for.

It was.

I never grew up feeling like I was owed anything, which is I think a really healthy way to grow up, because you don't grow up going the world owes me something. I think The second side of that, which I've always said and they know, is there was our house always had open dialogue. So hey, you know as small as like I don't want to clean my room, Like why would I clean my room today?

I'm going to sleep in it tonight.

And being able to have those conversations to because when you're a child, you don't have logic to talk through, you know, respect, cleanliness, hygiene, and like be able to have that explain to you other than just themnds that some adult gives a child I think really helps a child like under like get a picture of what we're in the world and what doesn't.

And then as you get older, you.

Have the ability to still ask those questions and stay curious on why is this the way it is or not? And I think those are two things that always stand out to me. That was uniquely different, probably than other households, but set me up to not be devastated by the world once I like got on my own.

Oh that makes me feel good because I feel like I do that with Dawson now. When I tell him we're he needs to do something, even if it's as simple as getting dessert after dinner, I'm like, okay, so let me explain to you the situation.

And that makes you feel like, oh, I'm doing I'm using a little Higgins family tippit.

I love it.

Guys, what was the hardest age a parent been at other than teen?

Don't like, I think because everybody will say teen. Everybody asked us who says teenage years? And I think that's unfair.

Because it comes times.

Boys are different.

Almost all girl parents say that teenage years are the hardest, but sometimes boy parents are when they're younger me David, Well.

I know for me, my hardest parenting times were six months to twelve months Okay, before he was walking. He waited too much.

Thank you for validating my feelings on this.

Yeah, I just was like, man, this is ridiculous.

He can't breathing for himself.

He's heavy.

This child has to learn to walk. My back is breaking. And it really wasn't until he started to walk that I thought, Oh, hell loujah, I'm going to survive.

So okay, because that's where I'm at now.

I even apologize to Hated yesterday because he's seven months and I do find that hard. I would say, I think you're probably right with the six months to a year. I sometimes say like four months to like tennish when they start crawling. I feel like I was like apologizing to him because I was like, I'm sorry that your

However, they can't really interact.

I agree, Yeah, yeah, okay, how about you, dear.

Well, I would say probably more along the lines when Junior highe probably hits.

Yeah.

I mean, but you know, that's when all the guys show up at the house and crazy stuff starts going on, and and sleepovers are happening, and mom and dad get very few hours of sleep because a lot of stuff's going on down the basement. And you know, that was probably a difficult time for me personally because I was pretty regimented and you're still working.

Yeah yeah, and uh, i'd say, barbaly.

That period of time, it goes fast, right though. I mean the way like I think when you're in it.

I think the perspective, like they said, enjoy the moments are something I'm learning already because when he turns three weeks old today, which is not old, but it's three weeks, feels like it's flown by. Yeah, that's twenty one days of waking up and seeing her face. But then you think about like middle school and how hard that has to be on a parent, right you have, like you said,

Yes, is there anything that Ben has been stressing over already or you foresee him stressing over in the future that you just having gone through it, you are like, no, no, please do not stress over that.

Oh there's something already. She's looking at him loving.

It's just hysterical because when they first been talked about having babies, maybe even before he and just were married, he's like, well, I just can't raise a girl. There's just no way I can't raise a girl. And I said, do you realize by saying that you're gonna have like four girls?

Now?

I think they're going to have all girls.

And I'll tell you what, and immediately I can't imagine anything, but this boy at this moment having a little girl.

I mean, yeah, she is.

He loves I mean, it's just all over his face how much he just loves watching her. And she already, you know, likes to snuggle on his chest and it's just and he's going to be great no matter what babies he has. But he literally was like stressing over the fact of having a girl. And now already I can see it going, Ah.

This is amazing. I have a little girl. Yeah, he paints. He paints the nursery right off the bat. You'll pink.

I'm like, oh, you'll be fine.

Oh he is Danny Tanner.

Okay, he's gonna have like three girls plus, and he's going to act Jess as a wonderful and wholesome with them and be the perfect guide to life, just as Danny was.

The Interesting Ding Ashley, Jessica and I were talking about this last night when I told her that they were going to jump on the show today.

You know, we did this episode with just jess and I a few days before when he was born, and.

We kind of I think at the end you asked us questions, who's going to stress more, Who's gonna, you know, worry more and all this stuff, and we answered those as honestly as we could. I will say, Jessica like, and I think I said this right away, but it's making more sense to me now, Like she's changed in the best of ways, like the only beautiful of ways, the most like I'm so just like proud to be her husband, excited to be her husband, but like she is all over it. And when I say all, like,

Something's changed inside of that person. Like she is on top of it. She knows Whennie so well, she cares for Winnie so well.

We started today a new ritual where jess has to leave the house by herself for twenty minutes, just for twenty minutes to like start getting in the like the muscles to leave because.

She is, like she is so in love and so a tune that if not like I don't.

I don't know what it would look like, but I haven't had to worry, like I haven't had to stress like everybody like one step ahead all day long.

Oh that's so awesome. I love that.

I wouldn't expect anything less from her. That is exactly what I pictured. If you guys could give Ben and Jests some advice as to how to get through these first couple of years of parenting as a couple, because this can kind of be a it's not a tumultuous time, but.

A time where it's just it's it's just can be rough on a relationship. How was it for you and how what kind of advice can you give to him?

Well, first of all, I mean, don't I guess I don't know how to say this. Don't forget who your first covenant of love is with. Yeah, and that that person, even though it sounds harsh, always comes first because it all started with that first promise.

And so.

Figure out how you can do your date nights. I'll tell you Ben was five months old and Damon and I left on a four day cruise together just to have some time. I mean it was you know, it wasn't hardly four days.

Jared and I went to Paradise when Dawson was five months old.

Yeah, there you go and don't shame yourself for that. Don't feel bad about.

That, find your healthy place to let your child spend with your parents or whoever it might be. Let it go and go be with the person that helped you make that baby, and celebrate yourselves.

I don't know, what do you. And we've done that our whole life. I mean, David and I have ritually.

Even forty two years later, still date regularly.

So, yeah, you know, our situation was such it took us many years seven yeah, many years, and and a lot of effort just to be able to have one child in the midst of yeah, in the midst of a lot of other stuff that happened in our life. But you know, it is such a godsend. It is such a blessing to be able to have a child and really that partnership.

To be able. I mean, you know, you dream about it and then when it finally.

Happens, there's just natural thing that happens, and I don't know, I sit back and I will it's been a blessing for three weeks to watch Ben and Jess because when Ben can read Jess, you can tell if just is the point where I need a little bit of help.

Ben's there. If it's the other way around, Ess is there for Ben. And it's been fun to watch that. It really has been.

And it takes me back to the days when we were together as a partner with a little kid raising a Yeah we're still there forty two years so, but it's been fun to watch.

It really has been.

I think, Ashley, I always knew.

I don't know how to say this, Oh, I do have to say, like I was always their child and I always felt loved, But I always knew their relationship to each other was different than their relationship to me growing up, Like it was never a question to me on how they saw each other or what did come first, Not that I felt like I came second, but that their.

Relationship was, you know, a priority.

And also I think as a child, and I know you felt this way, Ashually, I think seeing your parents still date is such a cool thing. Like it probably you know you might cry because they leave you and you're sad.

Yeah, I hated it, but like I know what you're talking about.

Like you look back on it now as a married person, you're looking at it going that was a beauty, Like that's a beautiful lesson that I was like taught was that they still need their time together.

And then I wasn't always involved in that.

Do you know it's hilarious when Jar did I hug kiss, Dawson goes.

And it's kind of nice to see that reinforcement that, like he's three, but he still appreciates the sweetness.

That's so good.

And then a lot of times we would do that and then after David I'd had our moment of kissed or whatever, when you come up, then we go family hug.

Oh yeah, so would get their little sugar.

That you should keep that up too. We need to do that more with Lois. Okay, my my, I want to I want to throw it over to you.

Ben.

You can ask your parents in the next couple of minutes as we wrap up, questions that you think that that you have for them that should be broadcast everyone.

Yeah, I mean I think you asked all the I mean I really was interested in the like keeping your relationship a priority. I think they have great lessons to teach everyone on that because they've done it and they've been married for forty two years, and so that was really where I wanted to go with it. I think there's two things that I want to ask really one question and the one thing I want to stall to talk about. The question is when you set a child

Well, I think for me, no matter what you want to call it, whether it be a faith or moral standards or or whatever, that as we were teaching been things that we felt formed firm foundations for life that we weren't just teaching him. That we weren't just taking him to Sunday school and then coming home and doing

So for me, that was important. It didn't always look pretty.

There was failures in that, but there was also in the midst of the failures there was a lot of honesty we learned.

I learned early on.

I know David did too. I have typed out proof of it that sometimes you have to say you're sorry. Even as a parent, you have to say you're sorry to your child when you know you screwed up, or when things just didn't work out whatever. So for me, it was just modeling what I felt was important to build a foundation.

For my child.

So I will agree with all that, and I think at the same time to be able to be everybody best friends, because you know, you sit back and you think about the times I remember taking Ben to a golf course with little golf clothes about this long, and all of a sudden, I see my son down the sand trap hitting a beautiful shot on the ninth hole, and everybody out of clubhouse comes out and starts clapping, and from a.

Other standpoint, I just beamed. But you know, you create a lot.

Of special moments as you're young that transfer throughout the lifetime. And you know, just Sunday, Ben and I walk the golf course together and you know, you just sit back and you think about how you're planning all those seeds and how it takes off and it finally grows into something so magical later.

On down the road.

Yeah, and just to play off of that, I do feel like David and I were very intentional. I'm sure Ben can validate this on building a village around our son. We had a really strong community of people, whether that be our neighbors that we became friends with, whether it would be you know, church, family coaching. Just we made sure that there were a lot of people in Ben's lives that could fill a gap where we were not necessarily gifted in certain things like strong discipline or yeah,

Yeah.

I never I never grew up as an only child ever feeling like we didn't have people around us. And I also say, you know, it's something like our family was built on a firm foundation of faith, and so everything spurred from that. And so you know, every relationship, every activity, every way we'd like process a difficulty, an illness, whatever that bay be, it was always coming from that place.

And so for us.

I think the answer that I would have to say, like the foundation was built on faith in Jesus, and then when it comes to life, I think the community that was gathered around, you know, pushed us all and in some type of direction, you know, and we never felt alone in that, you know, in that pursuit and so and even today those relationships still exist. So I think that was always very clear to me and always

Uh huh.

We bought them grandparent books both sides, So Jay and Jill and my parents, and these grandparent books ask questions about their upbringings, about the families, their friendships growing up, what they're into.

What they want into.

And it's about your parents, about the parents or about like the baby itself.

No, about your parents.

Oh okay.

So it's a book that my parents write in and respond to with their childhood, with their interests, and then hopefully you know, once they get done with it, it's called it's called grandmother. I want to hear your story. So it's my mom's story. Then my dad has one that says, Grandpa, I want to hear your story.

It's got very big, easy questions.

Yeah, and they will be able to look back and read her grandparents' story, you know, when she's fifty, sixty, thirty, forty years old. Yeah, when she's thirteen, in understand her grandparents better. And so I think that's a really cool gift. They've appreciated it, and I know Whinny will one day too, because I wish I would have.

Had it for mine.

Oh won No, I gotta give this to our our sets of grandparents.

Yeah, sure with it.

So, hey, I know we're short on time. It's been an awesome episode. Thank you for joining us today.

Thank you appreciate.

Thank you guys so much.

Have the best next couple of days before you leave. You're gonna have separation anxiety.

I know you didn't even ask that question.

You Oh, I know you guys are gonna be flying in every other week.

Yeah, it's gonna be awesome. Ashley, you're the best. Thanks for doing this. Good to see Ashley.

Thank you so good to see you. Bye bye, follow the Ben and Ashley.

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