This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast with iHeartRadio.
It's almost famous podcast. We're here in San Francisco. Nancy is with us. Nancy, you and I have a lot of life in common, don't we.
Yes, we do. Funny, isn't it.
It's funny.
I told you there must be something in the water.
Explain to the audience how our lives have been interconnected.
Yes, when you were the Golden or the Bachelor. Sorry, Golden everything is golden right now for me? When you were the Bachelor, obviously, I grew up in Indiana and more signed Deiana. You did too, and your parents lived on the lake. My parents lived on the lake. And my mom was like, I know Ben Higgins. I've known him since he was little, and go to the same church. And did she teach you kindergarten?
She did not, But we worked together.
You work together. And she was, I don't know if I can say this. She said, when you started, you know, when things were you know, everybody knew you. The show was still going on. And she goes, you know, I really I slept with Ben Higgins. I go, Mom, you can't say that. She goes, no, no, no, But it was a church camp and you guys help some of the kids who had challenges, And she said, no, Ben
and I literally slept together in a tent bunkmates. But she was saying it, of course, not meaning anything else, but I was like, Mom, say it a different way.
Story.
So so, and then you know, I came when you were the Bachelor, and I came to and I have pictures of it when you did five K or ten K, and then when you came to the Boys Club, and I know you worked at the Boys Club and you worked with my son one summer when he was struggling and my mom had him come to Grandma Carol's Lord knows what she made him do. But also he worked with you then, and so it was just kind of I'm so much older than you are, but it just feels so nice to have that in common.
Well, and it was nice for me to watch the show and to root and cheer for you. You know, it's probably like Roles reverse there where I'm watching it going like, you know, I want to know more about her, I
want to see her thrive. And you're right, your mom and I had a lot of like alignment, and so, you know, I some of the most impactful years of my life and why I do what I do today, was during that season where I was working with your mom because we got to work with some incredible kids at this camp, and I got to see and learn from her, right because she was older than me. I was like twenty years old at the time, right, But we were both you know, helping push kids up the
hill or get you know, these kids cleaned up. And then we were we were sharing this cabin together and this like really powerful team, right that were that you know, was helping cultivate this camp. Yes, and so your mom and I have done a lot of life together, especially in my early twenties.
We did grow up in the same area.
I just got to ask this, did watching The Bachelor and seeing that whole thing go? Did it have any influence on you then saying I want to go on to the Golden Show?
Yes, definitely, because I remember you may not remember it, but I remember when I was at the ten k or the five k thinking and my husband had died maybe three years before that, and so I was thinking they should do something for widows, is what I was thinking in my head. And I made like an off comment like wouldn't this be great?
Ben?
And you know you. Ben was surrounded by you know, hundreds of people at the time, but I remember thinking that and I thought, yeah, right, and that was it. And then move forward and my niece applied me and I thought, Okay, should I do this? Should I not do this? And I remember you saying why not? Not to me but to Luke. I think, yeah, one of our my nephew, like, oh, she should do it or why wouldn't she do it? And it was an influence because I'd seen you. I'd seen that, I watched the
whole show. I watched you and Lauren, etc. And I thought, no, this would be really great. So I went in eyes wide open. Unlike some of my colleagues on the show cast members, I didn't read a book. I didn't know that there was even a book to read how to win. I wasn't there for that. I had been single for twelve years and I thought, you know what, maybe this is it. And doors kept opening like I thought, oh, I won't do that, and all of a sudden it just kept going and I thought, no, I'm going to
do this. So it was an adventure.
It is helpful.
To know somebody who's gone through it before you, because I do think there's a level two where going on this show feels overwhelming. It feels like you like, how in the world can I do this? And I felt that way when I went on to the Bachelorette, and then what helped me was meeting actually some other guys that were bachelor's and going, wait, they're actually normal, like they're humans still functioning in this world.
Right.
I feel like, if they can do it, I can do it, just because they're good people. And so once you know somebody who's gone through it does make it a little easier. And so I did say that. I remember saying that to Luke because I remember when I was told that you were considering doing this show. Does that advice of the why not or why wouldn't you? Are you glad you did it? Did it work out?
Absolutely? I again went in blind but hopeful, and it surpassed what I thought would happen. Unfortunately, Gary and I really didn't have a connection, and I self eliminated, as you know, but I, as you've heard, made fabulous friends and still have hope that you know, and with now Joan on her season, you know, she's finding love hopefully, and it gives us hope for the future.
I think that's a big question that people are having though with the Golden Show. You know, we see it with past contestants and past seasons where the friends come out. You guys are obviously you have this built you know in friendship now that kind of travels around, does fun stuff together.
But what is the hope after the show?
Because for the younger people, they come off and they become influencers or they you know, just are getting their careers started. So what is like, what are you excited for? What are your friends excited for that have came off this Golden Show?
I think many I was again, I didn't have an Instagram before. I know that may sound bad, but my kids are like, what you don't. I was shocked at Oh my gosh, Like right after the show, all of a sudden, everybody's like, you got to get so many followers, you got to do this. I went on a show or a vacation with a couple of the cast members, and they every day it was okay, we got to do a video smile because we got this has to get out. Okay. How many followers did we get how
many how many people comment? What are they saying every morning? And I literally said, we're on vacation, and they're like, You've got to seize the moment. And I mean, this is like a soft spot for me because I still I don't know what my role is. I'm you know, I'm a great people person. I can hang out with anybody. I want to do some good in the world. And all of a sudden, I'm surrounded with a lot of people who it's like, this is the goal. Wait, I'm going to go talk to I'm going to go talk
to Ben first. I'm going to go talk to who see who whoever? First? And I got his number? Oh yeah, Ben texted me the other day. I'm using that as an example. But and then I'm like, what are you? And people are still talking to the producers and I talk to some of them, but I don't call them and say what do you got for me? What do you know? Can you use me in any way? And the other thing was it made me self reflect because I'm not like many of my friends on the show.
There's big personalities. They're hilarious. Kathy and Susan are my closest friends, and Joan and Christina. Christina and Joan and I are more alike, we're quieter. We but it makes you self self value eight and go, well, I'm not as funny, so nobody's gonna want to talk to me or that kind of thing. And so it's really hard right now in this arena. The funnier person gets the shows, and the funnier person gets the whatever cels peepers or whatever. So it's just different.
It is, And it's unique to hear you say that because it's the same struggle that I think I went through when I got off the show. Yeah, and it is that comparison, and it is a little bit of the envy. I just publicly talked about it the other day. I was speaking at a conference and it was more of a panel and they asked me the question, what's the one thing that's been so unique that you've struggled with that's kind of surprising.
I struggle with so.
Much envy, and I think the envy is brought on the anxiety, and the envy is brought on the you know, comparison. And you're saying that, like your group of friends and yourself, you love me definitely but you still struggle with that envy coming off of this experience.
Absolutely. And I remember telling one of them they got to meet a famous celebrity, Bradley Cooper, and I said to Susan, Oh my gosh, I said, I'm so envious. I would love to meet Bradley Cooper. Oh, you know, he's such a great actor, and oh he's so handsome and all of that. And she said, you're just jealous, Nancy. I said, I'm not jealous, I'm envious. And there's two
different you know what I mean. I envied that that you could be so funny and you get to do the fifty over fifty, and then you start looking at yourself, Well, why wasn't I picked for fifty over fifty. I'm not bad. I have things to offer, I know things I can do, But because I'm not in that personality, those people get seen more. And so that's what I also I think learned from you. You stuck to your values and you stuck to who the person you are. You didn't try to or it didn't appear that way.
Well yeah, and it can be.
It became that way because of some good advice I got too. And I've said it before, but it's probably the best advice I've ever been given, at least in this chapter of my life, is to use all this for something greater than yourself. And the less you focus on building up your brand and getting your opportunities, the less burden filled it will become. And it has been
that way. There's a lot more joy for me because now my new friends and these new opportunities, and just this experience, remembering the experience and having the confidence coming out of that, the fact that you and I both were on national television. We laid our hearts out there the best we could, and we've done it, and we've survived it, and we're still moving on with life. That is something that I'm proud of and now I can take with me no matter what opportunities come or don't come.
You're right, but the folk kiss outside of myself has made this whole thing so much better. I want to hear a little bit more about what your life looks like today coming off of the show. So you know, obviously we're here, we're in San Francisco, we get to do these great things together, but you went back to your life and you know you're not on television every week anymore, you're not filming for four months straight.
So what does life look like for you?
Well, I have three kids. Two are out of the house. One my youngest is a senior in college, so she'll be So it's me and my dog, Max, golden doodle, best dog ever. And you know, after this whole year has been busy. I was fortunate enough to get invited back for things after the final Rows. Women tell all that, and so I didn't work this year, and I've you know, volunteered for Colon Cancer Alliance, which I feel strongly about
because my husband died from colon cancer. And so you know, everybody's like, you have a blank page, Now, what are you going to do? I was just trying to get my kids right after Mark passed away. They all went through It was bad and I didn't think we, any of us, were going to survive. And so that's what I did until they you know, got them in college, got them out of college, you know, all of that. And now I feel like it's now it's my time. Okay,
what do you want to do? That's a big question, sure, and a big space to phill And so I feel like my faith is strong. It's actually gotten stronger, I think since the show, even because I pray about things and then things open up things, and I'm you know, I just want to be in the right spot and follow my values. But we also want to help other people.
And I have some friends who have also lost their spouses at home, and we talk a lot about obviously grief in different forms of grief and all of that, and I really like that. Although I was thinking, oh, wouldn't it be great to do something with talking about grief, but grief that we all you don't just have to lose a spouse. You can lose a parent, you can lose a dog. But then I remember thinking, well, you I've grieve because I grieve the life I thought I
was going to have, and or for my son. I grieve for him because he doesn't have his dad and the struggles he went through and he came out of he came through it, not out of it, but through it, and those kind of things I'd like to talk to people about and help people. But then end on a good note. You know, grief is so obviously depressing, but you can also end on a good note. So what did you learn from those things? That you went through going forward, how can you you know, let's end on
a good note and talk about something positive anyway. But there's so many podcasts now about grief, which is great because I remember thinking, you know, sometimes you don't want to get out of bed, so you're not going to go you may not want to go to the therapist, or you can't afford to go to a therapist or whatever. And listening to people talk about it, and that's why I have a group, you know that we get together and just talk about it or not.
One of the things I think yet to be seen and a role that I'm I think you could definitely carry would be Hopefully there's more seasons of The Golden Bachelor, which means there's going to be more stories shared and more people coming off of it, right, and you'll have the experience. Now you'll have a year's you know, head start or whatever the timeframe is to also reach out to these women who come off the show and who share their stories and support them in whatever way you know,
to be helpful. And that's going to be a really not only exciting time for you because of the relationships that will be built, but I think a really helpful time for them because oftentimes you do, you lay your heart out there and then there's no place to turn afterwards, and you're just wondering what is next?
Like what did I just do? A couple final questions for you.
I'm always interested in this when it comes to the women who are on the Golden Bachelor. What did your kids think when they watch you on television? And what do they still think when they watch you on television today?
Well before that, I made a promise to them. They're like, oh, Mom, no kissing. You're going to kiss somebody on TV? Look at them? Look they all French kiss The first night. I said, well, maybe some of the younger ones do, but trust me. And again I'm the only parent, so you know, I worried about that is that this is going to impact my kids anyway, and I thought, no, I can stand up for what I want to do. Sure, And so they, I think they saw saw it as like some you know, oh she's on a reality show,
ha ha. But then they liked it, and then they were proud of me. They were like, Mom, you didn't kiss anybody on TV. You you know what you did great? And again I was only there. I think I left when there were seven people left, but they were proud of me, and I think they also saw I may have said this before that I think they see me
differently now from being on the show. I think they see me obviously I'm their mom and their biggest cheerleader, but they also see me individually as a woman and someone who wants to who hopefully will find a partner, companion, perhaps get married again, someone who's still looking for love. And I've told them that in talking about dating, that your heart is big and you'll know this when you have your baby, girl, that you have so much love for your spouse and you don't want to take anything
away from that. And then you have a baby, and then you think about possibly having another one. And I remember after I had one, thinking I could never love another child like I love mine, like I love Annie. And then all of a sudden, Griffin comes and I'm like, oh my god, I never knew. And then I use that same analogy with me dating again. I would get married again if I meet the right man. But it's not that that takes away from your dad. It doesn't my heart, And I said, your heart expands.
You have.
This life that you had and nothing can touch that, but your heart expands and you can also have a new life but not take away from the old one. Yeah, and I said, and I think you know obviously, I say, I think Daddy would be proud that of the way we've all come through everything and we're still standing.
It's impressive.
I think for all of you though, to go back and do these television shows. You have made appearances and you have gone on and you've done it with confidence and this grace, and you've just kind of done it like you just walked into it, walk through it, lind Yeah, and it's awesome and your kids should be very proud of you. Final question for you, because I know it's something you're passionate about. I know it's something that you're you know, trying to figure out how to do it best.
Jones season is about to air. One quick question. Are you excited to watch it?
So excited?
I bet? How do you hope?
I guess the show now as we're learning kind of what it's going to look like and the stories are going to be shared, and we're gonna have a lot of widows and widows of and that have crazy stories to tell that are going to be impactful but also just you know, heartbreaking. How do you hope the show kind of supports or how do you how do you hope these stories are shared I guess on television. And what do you hope people do with it as they watch?
Well, I hope it's inspirational. I hope they see that you can go through this horrific loss and you can see I don't think they should focus on it, but I think it should be addressed and maybe more so than it was my opinion, or find out the whole story, what was their life like just a glimpse of it, and then moving forward on a positive note. And now
you get to have this opportunity and go forward. And I think that I think America, this is my opinion, likes love stories obviously, and I just hope that with you know, the first Golden Bachelor that I was on. You know, there's also all these other things that the younger people don't have. There's two people in their sixties or seventies who have a home over here, and then you're meeting a guy on the other coast, and then you've got grandchildren and family and everybody. How does that work?
And I think that's something to think about, because you can't just say, oh, I'm moving over you because you've already established this huge family. But I think I think my hope is that it gives other people hope that yes, you know, we all have lost and we all but hopefully you'll meet somebody else. And I've met a lot of other people who I never thought I would meet and are friends with.
Yeah, the when you say that, I have a memory. I did a something that was never aired, but I filmed kind of a watch party episode with Gary where we jumped on a bus and went to all these homes and.
Oh, right, I remember that.
And we walked into one home and there was a lady there who had just lost her husband, I think three years previously, and we walked into this watch party and she was kind of sitting off to the side, and at some point she came up to Gary and myself and she just looked at Gary and said, Hey, what you're doing here, like is giving me hope again.
And she's just crying.
So she's seeing, you know, what could be uh and what the opportunities are for her, and she's people, you know, courageous enough to go try it on TV. I think it's incredibly courageous. I'm very excited that you did it. Thank you.
And I think also they see like I'm taking up golf. I do have a golf coach, Daniel simm he's in the amateur world. But I would have never done that. Yeah, because of all of this, I played pickleball. I would have never done that. So you're also not sitting on the couch and staying in. I think it also shows that you really do have to get out yeah, and put yourself out there and try new things.
I think it's a great piece of advice. Simple yet eric can change everything. Just put yourself out there. Go you never know, Go be active. It's not too late. Hey Nancy, it's awesome to have you here. I really appreciate it.
It was a pleasure.
Yeah, thanks for coming to hang out.
Thank you.
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