This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast with iHeartRadio.
Hello everyone, welcome to the Almost Famous podcast. Today Guess what I Am joined by Ben Higgins Surprise and his beautiful wife, Jessica Clark Higgins. We wanted to do a little catch up about parenthood about one month in So Hello guys, Ben, Welcome to your podcast.
It's been a long time since I've been here. Thanks for the invite.
So first off, jess how are you feeling emotionally physically about a month after giving birth?
Physically, I feel, honestly pretty much one hundred percent. I definitely get tired faster than I did before I was pregnant or had a baby, but I'm all healed for the most part. I'm not in diapers anymore. I can walk for like an hour at a time, which is really great and amazing for my mental health because the mental health piece of postpartum is a lot harder for me. I've had a lot more anxiety than I thought I would, a lot more emotional than I normally am.
Why did you look at me when you said that?
Because I've been more emotional.
Because you can vouch for her, yeah, yeah, I'll support her. And say yes, is he looking at you thinking you haven't been more emotional or has he been Like.
It's up to you to answer this both.
Okay, I don't know what I expected. I expected that postpartum to be hard emotionally. I thought it'd be harder physically, like Jess's was walking a week later and like we go, we just got back from a family walk and like we can walk pretty far.
She could walk for as long as she wants.
I feel like at this point, amazing, Yeah, I mean, the emotions are are all over the place. I think she thinks they're worse than they are. I think she carries this like feeling that it's she's been a monster she has.
I'm such a head case, which like I normally am not at all, And I think that a lot of that does have to do with the postpartum emotions. And I am exclusively breastfeeding, and everyone has told me that like with your milk, and it changes every day, so
your hormones and emotions change every day. And I've definitely felt that, like some days I'll be totally normal and fine and chill, and some days I'm like so controlling or like I don't want to leave Winny or I just get like nervous about little things, and there's I have no idea how I'm going to wake up every morning, honestly.
Well, yeah, so breastfeeding isn't something that I did, so I never I never got to experience the emotions that go with it. I do think that it's it affects you a lot, such a job that you are doing, and you're providing for sweet Winny, so you're just just know that, like every day you're doing so much, and like, yeah, I think that like it's just going to take a toll on your body, emotionally, physically, all of it. So don't ever feel you know that, I mean you you know,
you know that you're doing an amazing job. So even if you're feeling down, just know that, like you're killing it. But I do think that that probably does make it a prostpartum more of an emotional experience.
I've heard that it does. I mean, obviously I don't know either because I haven't not breastfed yet, but I think that no matter what you do, when you have a baby, you just change emotionally for a while, but every day gets better.
Yeah, I mean, I think it's I mean, I've seen moments where it definitely feels like it's it's unhealthy. Like There's been very few, but a few moments where I'm like, she's not in a healthy place, something like she's not processing things. Well that those are very few. There's there's another side of it. I think that I've seen where this like concern and she's not overly concerned. I'm definitely though, like less concerned than she is, which was a shock.
To both of us.
Yeah, we asked you that question on the pre parent podcast episode, and we thought that you would be the nervous one.
No, very much, like not as nervous, but but there's this cool thing.
So my point was, I think what Jess is going through as a mom is actually like really beautiful because she's more nervous, because she's alert, because she thinks about Winnie. Like I don't expect that to continue in the way
that it is right now for ever. But what I think it's I think it's a really cool way that like our bodies or her body is like bringing out this like motherly like instinct and love and care and like, yeah, at first when you start to feel these things and worry you're gonna feel crazy because it's all so new, But as you get like in a rhythm and it becomes more of.
A second nature to you.
I think what we're experiencing is like Jessica's body like building up this like mom instinct, and I think it's cool but not always easy, Like, yeah, you're gonna wake up in the middle night freaking out, like thinking something bad is happening to Lenny when she's just snoozing. But yeah, I mean I've seen a lot of just change in just like for the better, just becoming a mom.
Yeah.
I was gonna say, do you feel like moments where you're like I am experiencing postparum depression, post part anxiety, or do you think it's baby blues somewhere maybe in the middle.
The first two weeks, I was like, this is postpartum anxiety. I like had the shakes, I couldn't eat, I was like sobbing at everything, Like when he turned seven days old and I like lost it.
I was like, there's no way she can be a week old.
That's one of the moments that I was thinking of when I was like, this is help.
I like went to the post office for literally fifteen minutes and like had separation anxiety. Like I I was anxious and my body was responding in an anxious way. But after those first like two or three weeks, I haven't had as much of that. Like I am feeling anxious all the time. I have moments where I get nervous or I get anxious, but.
I don't think I have like postpartum depression.
I don't even think I have the baby blues as much as I just I never worried about anything, probably to a fault before I had a where like honestly, I just let been worry about everything, and I was like, if he's not worried, I'm not worried.
And now it's kind of flipped a little bit.
Oh that's hilarious. Okay.
So I would say that I probably had the baby blues with Dawson, but it wasn't blues because I wasn't sad. It was just everything. I was overcome by emotion, like you for everything. A lot of it was everything is perfect. I have a perfect little baby, and my family around me, who's supporting me and living with us right now is happy, healthy, safe, Like life can get better than this. So one is then the shoe gonna drop. Like that was my constant anxiety that.
Is so real every time something bad happens to her, or not even bad. Every time she spits up, I'm like, she has a stomach bug, like she has to because nothing bad has happened yet, so like something has to go wrong.
Yeah, I totally really that.
Yeah, And then I mean, good for you on healing so quickly. I was a little bit more of the opposite, Like I felt pretty mentally good, like right off the bat. It's because I hated being pregnant, so like it was sweet relief.
And then my body like I couldn't. I don't know what happened.
You were more torn than me, so tm I but like I couldn't stand for more than five minutes for like three weeks, like I'd be washing bottles, like just moving every little direction, being like okay, I'm so uncomfortable right now.
I started to do pelvic floor physical therapy before I had her, and I helped me so much with just like getting my muscles back, okay, like the standing muscles and like even going to the bathroom and stuff like that.
I feel like that was so helpful.
I don't know what yeah, what, Yeah, I mean I think Jess wouldn't say it, but like you got we got to give her a lot of credit. Like she was doing not intense workouts, but she was working out up until like, oh yeah, the day of like childbirth, and then she like really prepped her body to recover
physically in a really good way without overdoing it. Like it wasn't like this crazy amount of like hour long exercises, but it was like just doing something throughout the day up until when he was born and.
Then even after.
I think has been not only impressive, but it would probably be something like in the little amount of advice I have for anybody you know that's entering into the stage, like it would be advice I would give is if you're up for it, like try your best to get like physically healthy before so that you bounce back afterwards, you know quickly.
Well, and here's what happened is everyone prepared me for the physical piece of postpart and they're like, you're gonna tear, like you're gonna have a hard time standing and walking. So in my brain, I spent my whole pregnancy like preparing my it, and I totally neglected my mind, like what would happen when I mentally became a mom? And so I think that, yeah, my body has been good,
which thank god, because my mind's been a disaster. But next time, I would definitely maybe start like some talk therapy sooner something.
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these huge pads. But after a few days of barely any sleep in the pads as they are chunky, I was ready to start feeling a little bit more myself. And this is where Proof Undies come in. So Proof Undies are made of super soft, real fabric and they have a high rise fit so they're incredibly comfy to wear.
I'm actually wearing them right now even.
Though I don't have my period and I didn't just have a baby. They are designed with Proof's absorbent leak lock layer technology, so they protect up to twelve hours worth of flow. The best part is at the end of the day, you just give them a quick rinse and then you throw them in the washer, in the dryer and you can use them again the next day. I've been a long time fan of Proof. It's before you know Dawson was born and it's been over three years, so I am beyond excited that they have come out
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I'll say that in.
Pretty much both my products and says, I didn't really feel feel like that I could. It's particularly with Dawson, but with Hayden, I it was summertime when I was in my third trimester, So swimming was really really great and it's almost like, I don't want to say everybody can go swim, but like you'll feel really great afterward. If you think that working out's not for you being pregnant, try swimming. It really makes you feel awesome. Yeah, okay,
So what about peeing your pants? Have you been doing that?
Like?
How long did you need to be in diapers for? Because I had to wear a pad for like three months post Dawson because I would leak at like the sound of a faucet, like somebody could fill up a bathtub and I would be like, I'm I have a full stream coming out. I had no control over that
area for a while. And then I did M Sculpt, which really helped with those muscles, and then I started to get better and with hate in the recovery of those muscles was even faster, which I was surprised I thought would be the opposite.
Yeah, I well, first of all, I want to talk to you about M sculpt because I am interested in that post party, but I also I haven't had any leaking.
Actually I was in diapers because I bled for like three and a half weeks.
Yeah, that's typical. I said, three and a half weeks is probably the average.
Okay, that makes me feel good because I was like, this is going on forever, but I haven't had any leakage yet. But I feel like I haven't really like sneezed or anything, so I'm sure it's coming.
No, your public floor therapy that you were doing on your own was obviously very effective.
I think it helped me a ton, and I do it every night now still, and I'll start going in person when I after six weeks.
Oh okay, so I've never done it in person because I was like, I don't need anybody else looking at my chascha.
I'm over this, I know, but I you know, I like to run, yeah, and I don't want to Maybe one day I want to run again. Right now, I feel like I really don't, but maybe one day I will.
And I don't want to pack my pants the whole time I run.
Ah.
Yeah, because if I go on a trampoline with Dawson, it's like, Hi, I am peeing everyone around me, Hi, I am peeing.
Yeah.
Oh, still on a trampoline, Yeah, I'll dribble and like on the dance floor at Tanya's wedding, there was like a song where you all.
Like jump jump jump.
Yeah.
I was like, yeah, I'm dribbling on the dance floor.
So I mean I should probably have someone else look at my jacha and actually go to public floor therapy. But M sculpt has been very helpful for both times. And M sculpt actually has another device. I'm forgetting what it's called now, but a man of Stanton used it and you actually sit on the device. It's non invasive, it doesn't go up your body, and you sit on it and it really does those muscles rather than the ab which has the secondary effect on the pelvic floor muscles.
That's interesting. Passive, that's kind of nice.
Oh yeah, same totally.
So maybe it just doesn't affect me on a daily And I'm telling you, trampoline's dancing, jumping on a dance floor, those are like the only two things, so it doesn't really affect my life.
Yeah. Slide for Ashley.
What has been surprising to you guys as new parents? Anything that people didn't prep you for?
Do you want to go first on this?
I think I think a lot of what I expected with a baby.
I think people I mean, when he has.
Been an incredible baby, like she is a queen in this house.
She is so sweet. She fusses when she like look.
At this, hello'sly angel face.
So she's got a great face, Like this is not me being your friend. She's got like and she's becoming like awake, an alert, and like you can see her face, it's not just an out of the uterus face.
She stared at me last night and I stared back for like a long time and it was just like heavenly, which is wild to talk about. But so I I know that we've been lucky when it comes to our daughter and her ability to sleep, her ability to communicate like that she's hungry or she's cold, and that's really the only time she like fusses.
You guys, you trigger me, trigger me, deep, we.
Trigger all parents.
Yeah, I say that with a caveat like we've been lucky in that, like we didn't do anything to like have this happen.
It just happened. Yeah.
Yeah, So I think a little bit of it was the fear of how hard.
This was going to be.
Yeah, it's been less difficult than I mentally was preparing myself for. I think is one thing I've been surprised by. I think the side of that. The other side of that is I don't think people prepared us correctly in the sense of like she needs pretty much like twenty four to seven care, like somebody needs to be watching Whinnie. She needs to be like somebody needs to be making sure that she's like, you know, not laying on her pacifier in her eye like those types of things.
And I didn't expect that.
But I do think Jessica and I both read enough, listened enough to advice and from others to be well prepared.
At least me personally.
I've been less worried about her, like it's crazy, but like I see her doing things that like, you know, she's fussing, Like I could sit with her crying on me for an hour if that was healthy, without like overreacting. And I thought I would be like a nerve and I'm just not. I know she's gonna be okay. So that's been surprising for me. In a response, that's.
Been surprising for me that he how chill he's been about literally everything, and how I'm chill I've been because I thought I really knew babies.
The mother response to crying is totally different than the father's response. I don't know if you've felt this.
Definitely like a body response when she.
Yeah, I can't handle it, like absolutely, no way. I think maybe we talked about this when you guys came on for your like one week recap. But like Jared can think like, oh, he'll be fine. He's crying in the crip for five minutes. We're only doing it for five minutes, and I'm.
Like, I have to leave. There's a frenzy going on in my body.
Yes, your body responds differently, I think when you're the mom and I, yeah, I've just been surprised by that because I'm I'm normally a pretty chill person, but I just have no chill when it comes to her.
Jessica's getting more sleep than me right now, which is crazy.
She gives me five and a half hours and then she'll go back to sleep for four more hours.
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Okay, So, like this is what triggers me, and I like say it with humor because like I think the word trigger is kind of like funny and like absolutely overviews and ridiculous. But like you, guys, I have an eight month old and he gives me well, on average, two hours, no, no, And then on a good night, like last night was a good night, and he went from two to five thirty yeah, three and a half hours, and it was like.
Oh my gosh, just he alive. Yeah, Dawson was better at this age.
But then when the like five month regression happens, he regressed for like ten months.
Love.
Yeah, he was better, like he would sleep.
For like maybe four or five hour stretches at this point, at the point that you're at now. But like, my kids just don't sleep, like they're just not good sleepers, hating it's particularly an awful sleeper. Every kid and every pregnancy and every delivery is different, and that is what I'm learning.
Yeah, we didn't do any like no, we're lucky.
Yeah, but no, yeah, you didn't like sleep train and it's not like that she just happens to sleep.
For five hours no. Yeah, And I'm happy for you, guys, it's very nice. I'm truly happy for you.
Jessica is doing some training though, like she is on a plan in a pretty tight schedule.
Yeah, we're on.
A tight schedule, and I think that's been helpful with her just kind of being chill.
She knows when to expect that she's getting things.
Okay, so she knows when to expect to feed and like, and now when did you start getting on that schedule?
Two weeks?
Like she knows what she's going to be playing, Like when she needs to stay awake, she knows like fifteen minutes four feeding time, Like she starts to get fussy, it's wild, Like she really like you, she'll know she knows what she's supposed to be doing at every moment of the day.
Right, do you have the most highly intellectual child ever?
Yes?
Wow, she's so advanced to wow, she can't keep her passing. Don't you love that that at that age that the pacifier is just gigantic on their face?
This thing so funny.
So sweet.
All right, well, we're happy to hear that.
You guys, you know that you are recovering so well physically that you know you might need some more time to get there emotionally and mentally.
But we're here for you. And you have the best husband who is there for you as well. I do.
He's been the best. He's been so supportive.
He makes me feel normal when I am having a hard time feeling normal.
He's loved me insanely well when I probably don't deserve it.
He's such a good dad too. Watching bim be a dad is like the coolest thing in the whole world.
Yeah.
Yeah, I just like I get like I mean, I obviously my role right now is very limited, but today I had a really busy day Jess. I was like, I want to hold Winny, and so jess brought her in. I was holding her, and all of a sudden, I was like, I haven't done anything in twenty minutes.
Like I just like, it's wild how.
Peaceful it is just to stare at her. Yeah, and it's been a very peaceful season for me. So I think in closing here, because I know we're going to close up like there. I think we talked about it at the one week like kind of follow up, but I didn't reckon. I don't think I could put words to it then. But like for many reasons, Jessica and I started to get we we had a good lot.
We had a good thing.
Going here right with a dog and a good house, and we loved our walks and our dinners, and I got really worried towards the end of Justice's pregnancy that that was all going to change in a drastic way. And I didn't realize how like stressed I was about that. But honestly, for the last five weeks, like things have changed, but only for the better, Like our dog loves winning, and like when I saw when I saw them together,
obviously I broke down for the first time. Like I think I just was feeling so much stressed that I didn't realize that like once I see life being so beautiful. Now I'm like in a really cool season of like peace and joy and like every day I wake up just feeling this like enormous amount of like gratitude and so that's.
Been cool for me.
And I didn't realize how stressed I was until like a couple of weeks ago when I told Jessa was like, I haven't felt this kind of peace in so long, and I'm just loving this, Like so yeah, I mean I don't know even with the hard stuff, it's like but we're still doing it together and life's better and I'm happy and we're going to make.
This thing work.
Let's normalize Dad pre pre labor stress, because like, guys have so much stress leading up to it, and I don't think they're very vocal about it because they feel guilty about it. They're like, she's carried the child for nine months. Why do I have to pumplain it's gonna come out of her body?
Right?
Yeah, But Jared had the exact same thing before Hayden. He was so stressed about it and then he you know, the baby's there, and you're like, oh, I can relax.
But guys, you know, like.
It's a real thing.
It is like and what you just said is exactly right, Like you don't want to start bringing it up because you're like, this is this is unnecessary, like this is crazy. And then it's just been five weeks of not like all easy, but it's been peace and excitement and joy and and I'm really grateful for that because I was I think I was carrying it for a long time.
M hmm.
Okay, Well, I'm so glad we did this, and I'm so happy for you guys, and I truly am happy for your sleep. It's really really great, especially if you're having anxiety, Like I want you to have the mental rest.
Thank you.
Yeah, I'm very grateful for it.
We have.
We have some big ones with little Winny over here?
Yeah here, so say goodbye? Is me close by?
Whinny?
So cute? Your so?
She's seriously so cute.
She is so cute.
Hold her up one more Time's.
The best family picture with me? Let me get let me not choke you? Why I do this?
There you go so cute.
Oh the guys are going to be really good. I know this all right, Well, guys, thank you. Until next time. I've been Ashley and I've been Ben, I've been Jess and
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