It’s over. The bubbles have settled. The Fruit War is done. This week, we break down the final results of the Seltzer Bracket in all their sticky, citrus-stained glory. 44 flavors entered. Only one remained standing — and it might surprise you. Was it a refreshing underdog? A nostalgic juggernaut? Or a mango-tinted fever dream from the depths of the convenience store fridge? Tony and Griff walk you through each region of the “Flavor Personality Party”: 🍋 Bright & Zesty — where citrus ruled ...
Aug 07, 2025•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 241
Damn, it is just so good being a Meadcaster. What’s great about it you ask: 1) every beverage I enjoy is one of the highest rated beverages on the planet. B) Beer people are jealous of me for my uncontroversially delicious honey booze. And 3) They just invented these automatic insulin pumps which really keep the tingling in my feet to a minimum. Tony had to guess the ratings on 5 meads and gang, it was a struggle. We also remembered the life and times of Hulk Boingo and Dan Hogan (RIP), and remi...
Jul 31, 2025•1 hr 47 min•Ep. 240
Grab your weirdest fruit puree and pour one out for your dignity—this week, we say goodbye to the Seltzer Bracket in true Beer Engine fashion: with a burp, a rant, and a few questionable decisions. Tony returns with sticky hands and suspicious cans after a hard-fought bracket finale, while Griff does his best to pretend this is a serious podcast. We crown a champion (spoiler: it’s not your palate), reflect on what we’ve learned (spoiler: nothing), and question the state of “craft” in a world ful...
Jul 24, 2025•1 hr 48 min•Ep. 239
Gosh it's been so long since we recorded I nearly forgot to write show notes. My goodness what a shame that would have been. Well, we were back at it today in the midst of a lot going on! The final AF1 update of the week, and definitely not the last pizza group, discord, news segments and whatever else it is we do. They are all back! Also, Untappd screws me big time. Ok see ya! ★ Support this podcast ★
Jul 17, 2025•1 hr 40 min•Ep. 238
This is what our discourse has come to in this country. Can we not have a CiViLiZeD dEbAtE?!?! Can we not call our leaders “perverts” and “freaks” and “psychos?” Can we not espouse wild conspiracy theories? Can we stop having to TIP these TEENAGERS who make our PIZZAS for $5 an hour?! Which is not enough to buy 1/3rd of a beer from Inter Miami? Huh?! Anyways we did pizza group and some other stuff and went on and on about whatever. Enjoy!! ★ Support this podcast ★...
Jun 26, 2025•1 hr 52 min•Ep. 237
Description: This week on the Beer Engine, Griff and Tony stumble into another hour of beer-soaked banter, featuring everything from crispy bois to questionable adjunct choices. We dive into the ongoing lager renaissance, ask whether cold IPA is a scam, and offer unsolicited advice to macro brewers who’ll never listen. Also on tap: Griff tries not to cry while reviewing another West Coast IPA made with fruit loops. Tony explains why pickle seltzers are a war crime. The boys react to Untappd revi...
Jun 19, 2025•1 hr 43 min•Ep. 236
Dare I say, some of our best beer conversation and the most psychotic pizza group posts combined in a single episode ever?? Maybe, but it leads off with some of America and Australia’s favorite NBA, AFL, AF1 and Colorado politics conversation. Tony finally has some success in a game which was a real Caribou Slobber Knocker. I’m dreading leaving this room because I just know that SOMEONE is watching the show about Mormon Wives that drink 10 “Dirty Dr. Peppers” a day then go swing. It’s propaganda...
Jun 05, 2025•1 hr 45 min•Ep. 235
In Germany the Subway bread is GOOD. Griff is back from a long break and the guys are running through the important info for beer drinkers that follow the “Great Griff Trail.” Hey, check out the slideshow on the Discord!! Kolsch, Orvals, lambics, $25 stout, it’s all covered here. It’s the beer-lovers fantasy - “yeah sure, I can have the best beers in the world for $5 but screw that! I want to pay MORE for SUGAR. Also, the real Pizza Pope has come to power and is controlling our lives. That’s goo...
May 29, 2025•1 hr 55 min•Ep. 234
Ahhhhhh the French champagne!!! No, I don’t have to do an Orson Welles bit, and we didn’t even talk about the guy this week, but I had been watching those outtakes from the Paul Merson wine ads. They are great, you should check them out. Today is our last show for a few weeks, so we ran the gamut of all the things our fans love - kickass lagers from the STORE, the world’s finest football, Pope-talk, and of course, reading awards that people won and making a lazy-ass game out of it. It’s yet anot...
May 08, 2025•1 hr 51 min•Ep. 233
What is it like being in a game where you are losing 79-0, or it ends 100-12? What’s it like being in the AF1, your floundering sponsorship from the Hulkster holding you hostage, forcing you to watch your team get obliterated by a QB who completes 10 passes, 7 for touchdowns, for a robust 110 yards? Do you look at everything that led you to this moment: the tears on the HS practice field, the brutal Summer training sessions in college, the letdowns on practice squads with the NFL, the XFL, the U...
May 01, 2025•1 hr 22 min•Ep. 232
What if there were a super league for the NCAA Tournament? Like, they took 8 teams that were just too good for the real thing and faced them off against each other. That would rock, and we did that today on the Beer Engine Pod. Also, we took down the dead pope and absolutely did not make it political! I made a live bet on the Nuggets. And some of our favorites are now top 50 breweries due to attrition. Tony is stuck in the well all week?? What's he gonna do down there?!? ★ Support this podcast ★...
Apr 24, 2025•1 hr 39 min•Ep. 231
Greetings fellow pizza eaters and beer drinkers. Ah, mine pizza needeth 10 more minutes! Shan’t we enjoy a flagon of ale to cure our ails? Thine titular ethos are becoming quite the pedant in thine pantaloons! (Is that something?) This week - some basketball had to be recapped as some of the basketball teams of great engines of the Beer Episode past had to be covered. The Arena Football season trudges on with an all Kansas showdown. Griff wins the pizza group by eating the world’s thinnest “pie”...
Apr 17, 2025•1 hr 50 min•Ep. 230
Well, I'll be! That is one extremely low rated beer by the Miller Brewing Company. Congrats! Today we talked about Tony’s time at GABS, how to order food for takeout for the future and Australian triple doublers. Griff is back on the pastry stouts and Michael's Pizza, it's like 2018 all over again on this show! Then there is this week's bracket, which features some of the saddest beers you can buy at the Dollar General. ★ Support this podcast ★...
Apr 10, 2025•1 hr 18 min•Ep. 229
Looks like the Beer Engine Pod wasn't the only ones out there doing a bracket. The fine City of Chicago and their elusive Mayor have selected their favorite pizza place and it is the Pizza Group's most beloved spot. You'll just have to listen to find out. Anyways we also had some beers this week, Griff went psycho mode on Beers of the Week and a fun region in the bracket game that will have you enjoying some precious memories. ★ Support this podcast ★...
Apr 03, 2025•2 hr 6 min•Ep. 228
The bracket contest is BACK! Everyone’s favorite segment returns at the end of this show. The well is stocked with magazines and toys and Tony is doing his “very best” to keep out of there as he has to guess which is better: Michelob Golden Ultra Light Gold Bock, or Natty Daddy ICE Baddie? Good luck binch! Anyways, Tony and I spent way too much time on Bulls crap and we had a highly disjointed AF1 update of the week - it seems like the league has been around for years and yet they’ve only played...
Mar 27, 2025•1 hr 48 min•Ep. 227
I’m only giving it that title so we can catch some of those beautiful viral downloads. We need them! We kicked off our new segment today, as promised, with the AF1 Update of the Week. Another banger as usual where I had no idea where anyone was and we did a word count check and a BET. Also some amazing St. Patrick’s Day content, the return of U*tra R**ht Beer to Fox News (hint: lawsuit), and Chicago Bulls - NBA Champions? Probably not. But we did have some fun with Guinness and meet some new Unt...
Mar 13, 2025•1 hr 50 min•Ep. 226
We have been forced to give up the XFL / UFL Update of the Week. Sadly, losing famous sportswriter uhh…that guy, has left us with no choice. Without 9000 words per week on each of my favorite games, and some of the worst puns I’ve ever heard, there’s really no point. No, it’s time to shift over to Kansas’s #1 sports league - the Arena Football One, sponsored by Hulk Hogan. We discuss the upcoming format changes coming due to our new relationship with AF1. Oh and also there was a bunch of pizza s...
Mar 06, 2025•1 hr 53 min•Ep. 225
Ahh, another week in Boingo’s America, or Tony’s America? This week we talk about the Tonysphere hitting the USA (“sir, another weird guy that Tony watches on TV has hit the cabinet”). Griff puts in overtime at the Stamp and pays the price for a few hours. Tony gets super sweaty, and so do some of the beers. And an absolutely unnecessary rant on aging NBA wings. We also participate in a TOTALLY NON-BEER related game called “Ernest Gets a Beer Contract.” or something, I forgot already. Did we eve...
Feb 27, 2025•1 hr 47 min•Ep. 224
It's important for us to cover these shelf battles between Hulk Hogan, an “every day carry” gun and holster company, and the Conservative Dad. Who else will give you the updates you need on these weirdos who all made the same cheap shitty beer marked up by 300%? That's right, it's the Beer Engine. We also use our journalist bonafides to cover the newly created “American Craft Beer Hall of Fame” which, coincidentally, did not induct The Hulkster. Who was more influential: Rasheed Wallace or Jim K...
Feb 20, 2025•2 hr 8 min•Ep. 223
A just-in-time “Big Game” preview from the fellas this week, as they break down all of the most important things that happened over just THIS WEEK. Only THIS WEEK was considered! The RECENT basketball trades were discussed as were the most interesting pizza content from THIS WEEK, THIS ONE! Plus, some major fallout from the Drippies that appeared to be loaded with metaphor, unintelligible to our poor hosts. There was a bracket contest in here too, so if you love that stuff, you’re gonna be hooti...
Feb 13, 2025•1 hr 57 min•Ep. 222
The big awards day is here! We have an amazing opening act from Jon and the “Gonna Make Somebody Sick” Singers that you are absolutely gonna love! Then 12 of the most important beer and beverage and food awards on earth are handed out to our very best and brightest in the beer, pizza and posting industries. Who is gonna win? Will it be Jack Plaporotis or Joe Peeperootis???? Will it be Half Acre or Side Project or Carton or Revolution or Maffco??? Will it be raw onions on pizza or raw cheese on p...
Jan 30, 2025•1 hr 37 min•Ep. 221
The days of the week might seem mundane, but hidden within their names lies a world of cryptic clues waiting to be unraveled. From celestial bodies to Norse gods, each day carries a secret story. Ready to flex your puzzle-solving muscles? Let’s explore the week in riddles, one cryptic clue at a time. Sun’s blaze leads the way A fiery orb in the sky lends its name to the first day. Ancient cultures worshipped it as a life-giver, while modern calendars make it the day of rest—or brunch, depe...
Jan 23, 2025•1 hr 32 min•Ep. 220
The rising price of eggs is absolutely maddening, and it feels like an unnecessary burden on everyday people. Eggs, a staple in most households, have become a luxury item for many families, forcing tough choices between affordability and nutrition. What used to be a reliable, low-cost source of protein has been turned into another example of how basic needs are increasingly out of reach. It's infuriating to see prices soar without clear solutions or accountability from those who hold the power t...
Jan 16, 2025•1 hr 50 min•Ep. 219
Here’s a playful parody of Drowning Pool’s “Bodies” reimagined as “Let the Blondies Hit the Floor” and themed around the sweet, gooey dessert: Let the Blondies Hit the Floor (Parody of "Bodies") Verse 1: Something's wrong with the pan, it’s hot! Can’t stop the batter, mixin’ up a lot. Sticky and sweet, don’t overbake, Feel the caramel start to quake! Pre-Chorus: It’s the sugar! (Pour it in!) It’s the butter! (Let it spin!) It’s the chocolate chips! (Mix 'em in!) Make it thick, and let it begin! ...
Jan 09, 2025•2 hr 4 min•Ep. 218
Emma Callahan is a proud Chicago native who runs a cozy neighborhood pizzeria, lovingly carrying on her late grandfather's legacy of making authentic Chicago-style thin-crust pizza. Her passion for the craft extends beyond her shop; she’s an active member of the Facebook group "Chicago-style Thin Crust Pizza We Don't Call It %avern Style," a tight-knit but fiery online community dedicated to celebrating Chicago's unsung hero: the thin crust pizza. Enter Liam Harper, a food blogger and recent tra...
Jan 02, 2025•1 hr 31 min•Ep. 217
Here’s a possible plot for a movie called Bogan Frosty : In the rugged outback town of Frosty Gully, notorious local bogan (Australian hillbilly) Mick “Frosty” Frost lives a chaotic life of beer-fueled mischief, dirt-track racing, and endless brawls at the pub. Frosty is the kind of guy everyone loves to hate—loud, brash, and always at the center of trouble. But when a big-city mining corporation threatens to destroy the town’s beloved watering hole and the surrounding bushland to dig for gold, ...
Dec 12, 2024•1 hr 49 min•Ep. 216
It's definitely cool that The Beer Engine Podcast went out of their way to record content for their listeners around Thanksgiving. They have a history of engaging their audience with fun and quirky holiday-themed content, such as episodes featuring games related to Thanksgiving foods, beer discussions, and light-hearted banter about holiday traditions. For example, episodes like "Mashed Potato Time" and "Creamed Onions" from previous years brought festive cheer to their listeners by blending hum...
Nov 29, 2024•2 hr 3 min•Ep. 215
If Alan Jones , the Australian media personality known for his conservative views and often controversial commentary, met Alex Jones , the conspiracy theorist and founder of Infowars , over a 75-cent beer, it would likely be an intense and entertaining interaction. Here’s how such a meeting might unfold: Shared Conservative Views : Both Alan and Alex share right-wing ideologies, though they often express them in different ways. Alan is known for his provocative political commentary and influence...
Nov 21, 2024•2 hr 9 min•Ep. 214
If Sammy "The Bull" Gravano played for the Chicago Bulls, it would definitely make for an interesting and unlikely scenario. Instead of basketball plays, you could imagine Gravano pulling off "plays" in a much different way—using his street smarts and strategic thinking, honed from his time as a notorious mobster, to outwit opponents. On the court, Gravano's toughness and ability to stay calm under pressure might translate into a gritty, no-nonsense style of play. He might not have the leaping a...
Nov 07, 2024•1 hr 47 min•Ep. 213
The perfect weather day in the Midwest features clear blue skies and a gentle breeze, with temperatures around the mid-70s°F. Friends gather for a picnic in a spacious field, enjoying cold beers while lounging on blankets. Nearby, a couple of friendly llamas roam, adding a quirky charm to the scene. Their soft wool and curious nature invite laughter as everyone takes turns feeding them treats. The low humidity keeps the air crisp and refreshing, making it an ideal day for leisurely conversations...
Oct 31, 2024•2 hr•Ep. 212
