Mission Impossible with Alex Schmidt

This is better, hie. So we talk about the representation of women in film and how it's usually bad. Yes, that's our go to. We use the Bechtel test as a jumping out point for discussion, test created by cartoonist Alison Bechdel in the nineteen eighties that features a Hey, what what is it? Do you want me to see it? Yeah? I forget. The Bechtel test requires that a movie, let's say, has to mainly identifying characters in it with names. Yes, they have to speak to each other and guess what

they should not be talking about? Men? Can we can we test drive it right now? Please? Yes, Hey Caitlin, Hey Jamie, what's up. There's something about the movie we're discussing today that I found very distracting. What is it? The bone structure of the lead actress was? It was too Does it pass the Victel test if I'm a

hot woman's face? But I do like, okay, the main act who is even the main actress in this in this film we're discussing today, because it looks like her bones were stung by bees her like her her cheekbones are so out of her face. I believe you're talking about the character Claire played by Emmanuel I don't know what this last name is. Anyways, that did pass. It did, But again, I don't know why we're judging a woman by her looks or even talking about it. That's I mean.

But but her her bones gets stung by bees, and I wanted to raise awareness someone get helped for Emmanuel built get the bees away from her. Yeah. Anyway, so, um, usually we don't body shame women on the podcast I was doing. I was doing that to prove that the Bechtel test is actually flawed. True, Wow, Jamie, Yeah, there was a method. It's not a perfect system. The stakes are made, which is why we always have a larger conversation about just the treatment of women in general in

the movie. So we are talking about Mission Impossible, and we have a guest here with us as always. He is a comedian, a writer, and host of the Cracked podcast, Alex Schmidt. Hey, great to be here. Hi, thanks for I'm so glad to be doing this. I got to go back to the nineties by watching the movie. It's great, feel good. So what is your history with Mission Impossible, the movie, the franchise. I'm some who grew up on

a lot of James Bond movies. My grandma worked at our local library and they had only very specific things on VHS, and one of them was the entire James Bond franchise, and so I saw all of them when I was really really young, and then I just needed more movies along those lines, and so I got into the Mission Impossible franchise, Like it's kind of I feel like it's kind of a filler place holder for when you're out of James Bond movies. You can watch Tom Cruise. Yeah,

it's kind of diet James Bond. If James Bond were American and way Shorter, Welcome to Mission Impossible. And then I feel like, when you're out of Mission Impossible movies,

you're like, let's see what Jason Bourne is doing. And then when you're out of Jason Bourne, you're like, because Matt Damon's not even fun to watch at least Tom Cruise is fun to watch, yeah, when I was, and Tom Cruise and Matt Damon are both way bigger stars than basically everyone who's played James Bond except maybe Sean Connery. But like, it's just a much more interesting character somehow, James Bond, Like I feel like, specially Ethan hunt is

so he's like a robot name Ethan. I'm just like I dare like there, I'm only going to sympathize or feel for a character named Ethan to a point. There's just you've got to be a really stellar Ethan for me to go to the extra mile for you. Right, they can't have a super secret agent named Brandon. You know, I'm not on brand, Like I'm out immediately. Man. People are gonna listen to this podcast in ten years and be like, what's wrong with Ethan Ethan as our president?

What if we had a president Ethan that's what I'm saying. It would be confusing. Sure, Yes, I don't know how the Canadians adjusted to a Justin right. Having a manager Justin in charge just feels like is he ready? Regardless of how qualified he is, his name's Justin, so is he ready? I don't know. He sounds like he's fourteen. Yeah, I see what you're saying. Anyways, Anyway, so you grew up,

would you say, with the way into spy movies. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I didn't see this one in theaters because it came out ninety six, so it didn't quite line up. But I'm pretty sure I saw the rest of them in theaters and also needed to google all of them to remember the plots or what happens. Well, not to brag, but in preparation for this episode, she went full DOWNNY I went, I went like deep Cover into Mission Impossible. You were in the main frame. I

hacked into the main frame. I'm now a member of the I m F. I'm so excited of like how much we get to talk about hacking today? Can I just say I'm so thrilled so much? Also, the I m F, I think in real life is some kind of World Bank sort of thing. It's very distracting every time they say it in the movie. Yeah, I think they're going to do loans or something. I don't remember that actually being the name of their organization in the movies. Okay, so my history is that I well, I just rewatched

all five of them within the span of forty eight hours. Brag. Yeah, I'm so sorry or proud. Okay. I like this franchise, Um, it's why. Yeah, I have fun with it. I don't love it. I don't think they're cinematic masterpieces, but especially as they go on, I think they get better and I enjoy like Ghost Protocol especially. I liked Ghost Protocol is my son's name, really because that's my stripper name and they both can be president, right en, my president.

But I summarily grew up with this franchise. So the first one came out in nineties. I was ten, so I don't think I saw it right away. I think by I saw when I was like twelve. Um, if you had asked me at that age what my favorite song was, I would have told you it was the Mission Impossible theme song. It's a very good theme song. Yeah, it's great. It's great, like James Bond, it just works. Yeah.

And then I did see Mission Possible to in theaters at a drive in movie theater in whatever year that was. And if you'd ask me that year what my favorite movie was, I would have told you Mission Impossible to, even though that movie stinks. But then and then all the other ones I saw, like in theaters, I enjoy them, and I'm excited about Fallout coming out. So yeah, I would say I have a certain soft spot for Mission Impossible. Yeah.

It's also it's like the Fast and Furious franchise where it's gotten better lately to like they're on an upswing. So with a new one coming out, I'm stoked. See I tapped out at Tokyo Drift. I think I haven't seen any of that Tokyo Drift is Wait? Is that was that a joke? Ar Oh, we're talking. I just got so confused. Can I Mission Impossible Tokyo Drift? Okay, say something about this movie, which is that I don't understand a thing that I felt insane watching this movie.

Because this is a movie for the public. It's not supposed to be like you can't see Mission Impossible unless you have a graduate degree, which, by the way, Kayle does don't if you know that, Jamie, you know that I hate to bring it up, so thank you so much trying bringing up that. I do have a master's degree in screenwriting from Boston University. But I took the MENSA exam the other day failed and it's because I

don't understand what happens is. I can't make I can't make heads or tales of what happens in this fucking movie. And like I was telling you, you guys in the elevator, like I I thought something was happening, and I was like, okay, let me just check Wikipedia to make sure this is what is actually happening. So totally different was happening. But it also makes no sense to me. This movie is for intellectuals. I'm literally too stupid to watch this movie.

It felt very bad. No, I don't think that's true. I only barely understand what happens in the movie because I've seen it several times. Doesn't totally make sense. But so your history, Jamie, is that I wrested it this morning and I was bad. I was like sitting so like you, I didn't start watching the movie as close to my television. As I ended, I kept getting closer because I was just like, maybe it'll make more sense to get physically closer to this movie. I don't I

don't understand what what shall I give you? The recap Jamie? And he didn't help you understand what happens in this wonderful movie? Yeah, I think. But all that said, I think I liked it. I just don't know what happened. Sure, well, okay, you're not wrong in finding this movie to be hard to follow, because Mission Impossible is about Ethan Hunt. He is a spy who works for the I m F, which stands for the Impossible Mission Force. Is that it I didn't know that's what it stands for. The Yeah,

that is what it's something like that. It's it's definitely impossible mission something is? How do they recruit anybody? Right? Well, I think it's somehow affiliated with the CIA, but I also don't totally understand that because in the later movies like the CIA hates the I MF, so like, who knows? Please don't at me and tell me. I would wish

to remain ignorant of this. But anyway, okay, So Ethan Hunt works for this like spy organization, and he and his team of people get assigned a mission, and among the team is um, Okay, well we'll get there. But first it's um Jim Phelps, which is John Foye's character, my guy named Jack, which is Amelio Estevez, and then Sarah, Hannah, and Claire. So this is the team that is ginger parody on the team exactly exactly equal in the middle. It had been a long time since I saw this,

and since the very first person I saw was Emilio Estevez. Like, for a second, I thought, oh, is he the lead of all of these? I forgot? Did I just super super forget who is the main character in the movies because it's just Amilio Estevez for about a minute, which feels like an eternity. I clutched a little bit when I saw him, too, because I was like, oh, that would be kind of better. But then you pan up and you see his frosty tips, You're like, oh, he's

a hacker. Now I understand, you know what. I was let down by the fact that he was not wearing tiny glasses, which is kind of the hackers uniform. He had the frosty tips, he didn't have the tiny glasses. He did have the black turtleneck, so it's like he was two thirds of the way there. He went a little rogue by not having tiny reflective glasses. Well, people go rogue in these movies all the time. Yeah, Rogue Nation. I was gonna say, isn't that the name of one

rogue ghost ghost station um ghostwirld Uh. There is another hacker who I thought you were talking about, who we meet later on the second Hack, the second that's his character's name, Hacker re Ducks. Okay, so this is the team. We've barely begun the recap it doesn't make any sense. So they are tasked with finding a bad guy who has a list of names of spies. He has one half of it already and he needs the other half to like actually figure out the identity of the spies.

So they're gonna basically get evidence that he's trying to steal it and then stop him and figure out who the buyer is and stop him as well. But as they're trying to do this, things start to go wrong and people start to die, and everyone dies seemingly except for ethan Um. So then he has a rotten go ethan President Ethan Everyone we're rooting for Ethan because it's hard to remember. So Ethan Hunt is the only one

left alive on his team. So he calls like his pals at the I m F. And he's like, hey, Kittridge, who's a superior of his He's like, something's happening. And he meets with them, and Kittridge believes him to be a mole, and he's like, this whole thing was set up as a mole hunt, and it looks like you're the mole, Ethan Hunt, and he's like, no, I'm not. Your last name is hunting everything, maybe you would one we're hunting for. I'm in the You're like, oh, this

guy is smart. Yeah. Yeah. So Ethan Hunt runs away because he's like, I'm not the mole, but I have to figure out who is now. So Ethan Hunt learns about this mole who's collaborating with an arm stealer named Max, so he's like, I gotta go find Max and like

figure out who the mole is. And there's this whole thing where it's like the mole is working with Max on this job that they call Job three fourteen, and then its actually the the Mole goes by the name job and it's a biblical reference and then he's like, okay, and then he says distracting from an arrested development stands when they shot a job all the time there and then Ethan Hunt sends an email to Max at job space three colon fourteen and it that works the Internet

in this movie. The Internet is the most compelling character in the Entiremente has the most charisma out of everybody doing laps around our Tom the inner the way the Internet works, where there's one point where it's like there's a window open that says internet and then he types in access and then it says like thinking, I was like, what is this is misunderstanding dial up? Like what it's like one of those old text adventures where it's like you're in a cave, turn left and then you like,

but somehow it's hacking the Internet. Both hackers talk about the Internet in like a way that it's like whoever wrote this movie was just hoping no one would ask a follow up question because there's the second hacker. I don't know what his name is because he comes in over an hour into the movie. Very cool thing to do, just introduce five hundred characters our fifteen and sure, but the second hacker, Luther says, in the same sentence, he said,

as like mainframe motherboard hacking access. And then Tom is like, well, we've got to figure this out. You've got like, what are you talking about? I just want you to know that I just send an email to Max at job Space three colon fourteen and it did not work. An error message came up right away and said this address is not recognized. The CIA wiped them out, clean Ology got involved. They're like, this is this was Shelley miss

Gavages email and it's gone. Now do you guys? Ever, when I see a Tom Cruise movie, I give him a little bit of credit for just not wedging Scientology into it all the time, even though he doesn't deserve any you know, every time I see a movie with him and it ends, I'm like, I didn't come up once. How about that? A little bit proud. There's moments where it's like, oh, he could very easily just break the

fourth wall and start pitching us. He's out our attention and surprised he doesn't use this platform to like hawk scientology. But no, he he keeps a separation of church and career against Yeah, alright. So the rest of the story is so he is trying to figure out who this mole is named Job. This is where I get very lost. So he meets with Max, who turns out as a woman. How many times are they going to do this twist? The androgynous name twist. Hilarious? Love it, It's so cool.

So he meets with Max and he's like, by the way, Max, who is an arm stealer? Yeah, I'm like an undercover spy, and I'm going to get you that list that you wanted, pay me a bunch of money, and revealed to me who Job is. Vanessa right, Grave is fabulous in this part. Yeah, she's great. But he basically just reveals this whole identity

to this person. And then he's like, I'll get the thing that you wanted, this you know, list that will compromise the identity of however many undercover spies, all of them, all of them. Yeah, yeah, just give me like ten million dollars and I'll get you this list and I just want to know the identity of the mole. And it's like that's not a good deal, but we accept it because you know, we don't understand really what's happening. I also can't hear the plot over the sheer volume

of Dutch ankles in this movie. You're just like, I can't. I have no sense of space or time. So many Vanessa Redgrave does not. I'm pretty sure, with the exception of two or three shots. Never isn't in a Dutch angle in this entire Why I don't. I didn't notice that very much. This is a movie for dumb people. There's only geniuses and stupid people will understand this movie and appreciate people. There's nothing that's like kind of smart people. Um, okay.

So then he compiles this new team of people, among them as Luther, the new hack hacker number two, and they plan to infiltrate the CIA and steal this knocklist of the list of all the names of the spies. And then they do that, and that this is supposed to be the impossible mission, because how do you get in. There's like there's a voice activation, there's a retinal scan the room, if it increases temperature, if there's any pressure on the floor, packing hacking, hacky hacking, so all the

stuff happens. They get the Knocklist. Then it's revealed that Jim Phelps John Voyd's character was the mole all along and he like set everyone up and him not dead at all, him not dead at all, and his wife Claire, who does come back I forgot to mention um and helps Ethan Hunt in his impossible mission. Ethan Hunt gropes her and then she's like, I'm sad John Voitch is dead, and I'm like, why were you dating him? But then

you were married? God, this is like, I mean, of all the there you have to suspend your belief a lot in this movie, but the fact that she would date John voy who in this movie that is twenty years old, is already five hundred years old, it's just a lot I did. And they introduced that marriage very early on, and that was it was like an s S thing where I was like, okay, so it's a fake marriage, right, like it's definitely she's and then no

actual marriage, like that's real. Everything else is an illusion, right, Yeah. The one moment for the clear character that I was actually very I was like, oh, that was a good acting beasting. She when she pretends to find out that John Boyd is dead, she goes, Chuck is dead, and I was like, oh, so sad. She did love him even though she never sat and hear him more spoke

to him on screen, So uh yeah. The end of the story is basically Ethan Hunt on confronting John Voyd's character and learning that his wife Claire was like a double agent and had like crossed him, and then she gets shot dead, and then he has to like proved Kittridge that he's not the mall. He's like, here, I found the actual mall. There's a whole helicopter thing. There's an explosion, there's a train, there's the glasses, there's the John Voight mask. Right, you're wearing John Void's face, and

then you're not. And that's exciting. Yeah, And that's an underrated part because it's they convinced Claire to go into train car and then Tom Cruise massed as John Void is waiting for her, and then after they speak, real John Voight immediately pops out from a closet like two feet away from top Cruise. So for an indetermined amount of time, real John Voight was just watching fake John

Void from very close quarters. It's great. Why wouldn't Ethan Hunt like sweep the room and make sure his enemy John Voight isn't hiding in a closet nearby, And how were they able to do it on such a quick turnaround. Well, the later movies show the maskmaking process and it's really eye opening. Yeah, this, this franchise is like obsessive about masks, and there's always we'll talk about this a little later, but there's certain like recurring things that happened in every

Mission Impossible movie. I'm down for that. I mean, a goofy rubber mask reveal is always very fun. It's not as effectively or tastefully done as it is in The Master Disguise, which is one of my favorite movies, where James Brolin rips off a mask of Bo Derek and the audience stands and chairs. Yes, Josh, no, James Brolin, the old one. He plays Dana Carvey's father. Dana Carvey's forty six in that movie. But but his character is supposed to be twenty three. It's wild, my gosh, how

dare he? Anyways? Well, anyway, so that's the that's the story of the first Mission an Impossible movie, as far as I can explain it. Um, let's take a quick break and we will be back in a moment and we're back. Hello, So mission impossible. There can I just rip off my John Voyd mask really quickly. Very hot John. I thought that was you, but it turns out it was Jamie Lofton. John Voyd is actually out on the balcony.

He'll come in now and we'll have a confrontation. As we hinted at during the recap, it seems like there's like a parody within the team at the beginning at the beginning of the movie where it is three men and three women, but once they all die, because they all die within the first like twenty minutes except for well Claire comes back. But um, basically two of the three women die, two of the three men die, so we're left with Ethan Hunt and Claire is like kind

of the main players um in the movie. And then it was was president Ethan Was he dating hot lady with the red lip? Was that like a thing or were they were just where? Were they just pretending because of spies? Do you know what character you're talking about? Thomas? Yes, I don't think they were dating. I think there's a very classic spy move of the two of us need to pretend to make out. So there's a reason we're

just in this alley watching somebody. I think they were just doing that, so they were just okay because I was like, I don't know how attached we're supposed to beat because then they're just killed. So it starts gender parody and then becomes the opposite as the movie goes on, which is great because it's great pretty much all the new characters who were introduced, aside from Max is a man, because when we meet Kittridge, we meet Luther, we meet Krieger.

Because I was like, when I was first watching this, I was like, I didn't super remember it that while I was like, oh wow, is there going to be a bunch of women in this movie, that's forgetting that they almost all die right away. Also I realized, like, oh, what a parent, what a gender parody on the team. But then I think they did gender parody so they could kill female characters to like create weight, you know.

I think that's kind of why it's such a female team. Honestly, like to give it like if it was an all male team and they all die, it's like less feeling. Maybe is probably actor producer Tom Cruise's opinion, I think it was pretty rough. Yeah, and then he gets to have the moment with with Kristen Scott Thomas of like, you wouldn't have that if that was an all male team of like, oh we get we get a kiss

and we get a item. I don't like that they bring all the women and they're like, Okay, well we're going to murder them, but we're going to bring the model back. And she's John Boyd's wife. Yeah, if he and a male agent did the fake out make out in the alley, that would have ruled. It would have been great, Like that was the move like a band called fake up, Like what what you've done if the spy that he had been paired up with was a man?

And it just yeah, it feels gross that it's like, oh, well she's a woman, so what choice do you have but to pretend to make out with her? And it's like, which is something that happens a lot in these movies where and this one the first one specifically. So Claire comes back after Ethan Hunt thinks that she is among all the people who have died on his team, but she comes back and he's extremely suspicious of her because he thinks maybe she's the mole or maybe the mole

sent her. So he like pretty violently grabs her, rips off her coat like man handles her, pats her, DAPs and pats her down in a very like sexually aggressive way, throws her on the bed, gets on top of her. She's crying. He's like, who's done you? Who sent you? She's like no, Like, this is the rendezvous we're supposed

to like meet. He's screaming at her, his face is like enters away from hers, and it's like, take away the context of the scene and just look at the image and it could easily almost looked like a sex scene where he's like, they're on a bed, he's on top of her. So it's making what's very like a very violent and angry moment and sexualizing it very heavily

for no reason. Yeah, it's And also keep in mind he just screamed at her that her husband died, right, He's like, your husband's dead, and then he had like kind of attacks her, and we were like, what what

is happening? And then the way that that bothers me with this genre of movie in particular is that we see this scene and it is aggressive, and then later we find out that she's lying and that she's like a double agent, and so that sort of to an audience member justifies like, well, it's okay that he did that because she was lying, and guy exactly, yeah, right.

And then well, another interesting thing about the Claire character is that so because she was married to John Voight's character, we find out that that's what's motivating her to Ethan because as far as we know in the beginning, before we find out that he's alive and that he was lying and he's the mall and that um, she's also like collaborating with the bad guy. Her being married to him is what's motivating her to help Ethan, which is like a reversal of a trope that we usually see

where it's like my wife for my daughter. So it's yeah, it's so for clear, so we're seeing instead my husband basically my husband. I don't know how interesting that is. It's certainly like a role reversal, but it still feels kind of trophy. I think it does. And also it ensures that her character from most of the movie, as far as we know, her motivation is strictly tied to two men, and it's also sort of implied that she

you know, it's like that she's at the end. John Voight basically speaks on her behalf for a whole scene, and it's like she was just seducing you. She doesn't think you're hot, Tom Cruise. That's like she think I'm hot. John voyt like the twist. That's the real twist of the movie. But it was like basically he's saying, and she's again one of those my favorite action movie tropes, which is the woman can watch the last scene of the movie, but she cannot participate. Um, so she's fully

audience and sometime actually be like Ethan. But John voy is just stating what her double agent thing was when she easily could have and it's also like I sent her because she had to seduce you, Like that was

clearly what his character saw the value. And then he's what was that thing he said about like I got I got a taste of it or something disgustingly some cross thing like I've tasted the goods or the goods, Yeah, at the goods myself, And I was like, oh my god, she's there, you know, right, But then he shoots her like two seconds later. Yeah, he's like my wife, who it seemed like they were on the same page and actually loved each other because they were working side by side.

It didn't make sense that he shot it, right. No, right, But even so, like I don't know it just what had been established about their relationship is like totally negated whenever he shoots her for no fucking reason. Right. His character is confusing to me. Her character is also confusing to me. It's sort of is explained at the very end, but we don't know why she's doing that job outside of her loyalty to her husband. Really, we don't know

anything about her, and then her husband kills her. So I have a question about did she and Tom Cruise hook up? Was that fade to black suggestion that they hooked up or did she just like lick his hand and then he was like good night, I'm in real life? Second thing for sure. I mean this is also these

movies the few ways they're different from Bond movies. I feel like between Tom Cruise being the star of all of them and being the producer of all of them, and there's there's not really a lot of other carryover between them, like it's basically James Bond but a sexual. Not that there's anything wrong with being a sexual if you are, but like there's no I feel like Tom Cruise as a person in life doesn't know how to deal with women at all, and so it just carries

over to the screen. So it's a James Bond movie or James Bond has no interest in women. But it's just like doing the beats of it, you know, like a hot woman to be around Vond and I don't want to kiss. Yeah, right, Bond is like a womanizer like always. But well, okay, I actually so, because I watched all of the Mission Impossible movies, I made a few notes on each one and I just basically um

some you know, recurring motifs and whatnot. So for Mission Impossible to which came out in two thousands, there's basically only one female character in the entire thing, played by Sandy Newton. There's a scene where she and Ethan Hunt are in a bathtub hiding from like a bad guy or something, and he's on top of her and she's like, actually, I like to be on top, So then she wraps her legs around him and like flips them over so that she's on top of him. She's then straddling him

while she's like stealing some jewelry. They are wearing clothes, but they're wearing turtle she is she is using tools to steal this jewelry that are disguised as a makeup compact and a lipstick. You know, when you're a woman and you're like a thief or spy, your tools have to be disguised as makeup. Those are the rules. Because it reminds me of in this first movie. I feel like the famous thing is stealing the thing in the

Cia vault and Tom Cruise floating over the floor. All three of the guys have very male jobs in it. And then Claire's job is to just score stuff into coffee. Right, Yeah, she gets the most boring ship to do out of every like a very It's also kind of like she has to be like flirtatious because she's sitting next to the guy. They're like on the same side of the table. No one's across from him. It's like a really weird They're just like sitting side by side like touches. He's

way too close to him. He looks up, she smiles at him. And he's like, oh, pretty girl, smile to me. Yeah, and then the script Tom Cruise wrote that she was probably like she uses girl powers to do it, Like that's it, Like he doesn't know anything about women, so like their power is girl stuff, like to self act Nicole what girls do and put in the script there. Yeah, yeah, wait. Oh, so there's a couple of uh my favorite moment of Mission Impossible to Anthony Hopkins is in this one, and

he is void and busy. I guess no, he dies at the end of Mission Impossible. I thought that I just bad that I started just assumed he would come back. Who seems like characters in this franchise can kind of just come back. I'm my god, he's probably well, I

want to talk about that in a second. But so, Anthony Hopkins is trying to get Ethan Hunt to recruit Sandy Newton's character to like join their team because of her past relationship to the man that they're trying to get close to, and Ethan Hunt, who's developing a romantic relationship with her for no reason other than they need to see a Hawkeye and Hawk girl kissing on screen. Um, he says, no, she doesn't have the training for that kind of thing. And Anthony Hopkins says, to go to

bed with a man and lie to him. She's a woman. She's got all the training she needs. It's like, okay, we get it, Anthony Hopkins, you've been dumps. Stop projecting, honey, who's Beth? I don't know? Oh really, really quick. Um. The use of gadgets in Mission Impossible is great. The gum impractical. If you sat on that gum you would blow up. It doesn't It's like what if Tom Cruise, God forbid, put that gum in his back pocket, he would explode and then the glasses flip. Sorry, anyways, Amelia

did a great job. Also Amelia in this movie, and I double checked to make sure this is true. For some reason, Alex to go uncredited in this His name is not in the credits. He's in why It more than a lot of people. Yeah, he has quite a few lines and he's really in it. Yeah, it's not just a cameo. He's uncredited. His death is so gruesome by the way he gets like a elevator spiked to

the face. Final destination is horrible. So talking about your point of like recurring characters, Jamie of all the movies in the franchise, it's always the same leading man of Tom Cruise play Ethan Hunt. And there's quite a few recurring side characters who are except for one example, all men, because you have Simon Pegg's character who comes I think he's introduced in the third movie and then he's in I think all the other ones after that. Luther is

in I think every movie or every movie but one. Yeah, he's always happy. Yeah, Jeremy Renner character gets introduced and he's in a couple of the movies. So it's several men. And then there is one character who I think in the third movie, um Ethan Hunt gets married, uh to Michelle right. I don't know if that sound and then she shows up again in another movie, but only for

like a split second. So it's really any of the notable characters who are recurring are all men, and of the women who so in the movies there's usually one main woman. They're not really romantic lead because yeah, he is often like kind of a sexual the a sexual bond girls well like so it's not a sexual because they are usually sexualized in some way and there is often like a moment where they either have like a flirtation or some sort of sexual tension, but there's like

a female lead. She changes every single time in the movie. There's no recurring female leads. Usually as the movies go on, they stay at the same age, but all the other like you know, Tom Cruise and everyone gets older, so we don't Tom Cruise could be drinking the blood of young people and would immortal. Sure, We've all seen interview with a vampire, so that tracks there being no recurring

women in the movie. I feel like sends a message to everyone who's seeing this, especially the men, that it's like cool to be a playboy, and it's cool to have like a bunch of different women, and whenever you get bored with one, you can just like dump her and move on to the next. I feel the Bond franchise is much more guilty of this than Mission Impossible, but it's still implying that like women can be replaced, that they're basically just like objects that you can cast

aside and recast in a new movie. I want to see a movie about the island where Tom Cruise sends women when they turned thirty. I wanted to see a movie about all of Tom Cruise's former co stars who he shipped off to an island on their thirtieth birthday. Um, yeah, because there that that is such a trope of this genre and of I mean, but it really spans all genres where rom coms are often very guilty of this.

You know, in historically, male entertainers tend to get more opportunities to do things later into their lives and are also just given I mean, even John Voight's character in the first movie, the massive age gap between him and his Uh not not to shame anyone who has made December robmance, but this is fucking ridiculous. Like it's it's pretty much the often the only representation we see of like a hetero romantic relationship where it's a much older man.

It's like, if there is a movie with an older man as the lead, it's very rare to see his romantic partner be his contemporary. Yeah, she's almost most always

like years younger than him. And it's interesting because I think that these tropes in this movie in particular are kind of like it's it's very clear to see them because there is this whole kind of sexless vibe to this movie where you see these tropes, and it's like they've plugged in all the like young women dates, old man, hot women interested in the lead, but it's presented in such a non sexual way for the male lead that it's almost just like this weird roadmap of like, oh, yeah,

this is how all action movies are, regardless of whether it makes sense for the plot or the cares. Because in James Bond movies, it's so knocking you over the head, it's so sexual, but this one, it's like almost like there's like a little bit of an uncanny quality to the way women are treated, because it doesn't make sense in such a non sexual movie for women to be

presented this way. But it's just like, well, this is what we do in these movies, and it's just again, it's very bizarre to me that he works in every of the movies. There's why who's a woman who he works with and who proves herself to be very competent,

and yet why don't we ever see her again? Sometimes well, sometimes she dies in the movie, but if she doesn't, it would stand to reason because other of the like male characters who are recurring, like Luther and Simon Pegg's character and Jeremy Renner's character, like they come back, why

don't any of the women get to? And this also got me thinking that so even in this, in this first movie that came out, a few of the main men are Tom Cruise, Emilio Estevez, John Voight, three like famous, recognizable dudes who are still even like over twenty years later, still famous, still recognizable. The women whose character's names are Sarah, Hannah, and Claire. I, off top of my head don't know those actresses names, even though we just I just said

one Emmanuel, like I've never I don't know her. That might be sort of familiar faces, but I don't recognize them by names certainly. And it got me on this train of thought where I wonder if lesser known women get cast in these parts opposite men, because it's like, are they worried the women, like a more famous woman

is gonna upstage the man, you know what I mean? Like, but that varies for franchise to franchise, But in this one, especially like in the later movies, the woman who gets cast opposite Tom Cruise is usually familiar, but not like a household name, like maybe it's like, oh, well, they're giving like an up and coming actress her chance? Is it bad to say actress? I feel like it's this actor,

an actor who's a woman, her chance. But I also wonder if it's like, well, like Tom Cruise doesn't want to be upstaged by like a woman, just as famousism. I don't know. This might be all pure speculation, but I think this is true of and it doesn't vary from franchise to franchise, but I think this is actually pretty common for like action franchises like this. I think

that this this rule definitely applies to Transformers This. That's the franchise that came to my mind where Megan Fox became such a big name off of that movie and then she kind of got like blackballed from that franchise because she was kind of like too big and was asking to be treated fairly and they're like, oh no, we'll just get someone else. Yeah, instead of treating you fairly and like your work has impact on this franchise,

we will literally just recast you. Yeah, I think, because I think with a lot of these franchises too, you can just see those Hollywood machine parts moving of Oh, we just need a new lady, new lady and then impossible.

It's sort of extra weird because I think it's also just partly driven with Tom Cruise the person being like he's probably bad at hanging out with women or like being around them, Like he clearly wants the exact same dudes on set every time around, like this new one I think is the first repeat director, but it's only been male directors. It's the same guys on the crew all the time. He just wants Alec Baldwin and Ving Rahim's back all the time, but constantly new women all

the time, just everywhere. Yeah, yeah, Tom Cruise, I mean, and and we just we just don't have time to unpack Tom Cruise today. But there's when will there be time? You know, there's so many levels of fucory to the career of Tom Cruise, and Tom Cruise as he pertains to women, shouts out to Katie and Nicole, Boy, they have to deal with some shit really bad. You can read up on it if if you want. But yeah, I mean, I would imagine I'm just shot in the

dark here. Tom Cruise probably does not want and actress who is his equal experience wise on screen with him, because it seems like he has a pathological fear of being upstaged. Yeah, yeah, that would be That would be another thing I guess. I will say I didn't know that Emmanuel bay Are is within a year of the same age as Tom Cruise. Sure in this movie when he is young, she is an age appropriate person for him.

In this movie, she's not age appropriate for John Voight, who, as I said, was born in eighteen ninety six if you can believe was eighteen nine six. That's so crazy that he's still working. Sure, it means like, yeah, she is age appropriate in this movie, but twenty two years later, when this franchise is still going on and the women who are you know cast opposite him are still you know, thirty. So let's take a quick break and we will be

back shortly, and we're back. Another thing I wanted to talk about, and Alex you touched on this is like that very iconic scene where Tom Cruise is like dangling on the rope, like suspended, kind of in mid air when he's like trying to steal the knocklist. That scene has been like spoofed, parodied, alluded to in like bazillions of things in pop culture, one of them being Paddington,

but that's neither here nor there. But please go check out the movie Paddington and Paddington too if you haven't um anyway, So it got me thinking about very famous and iconic movie scenes like this. I made a list which will take probably too long to go through, but you can. There's like super cuts on YouTube of like you know, iconic movie scenes or like famous movie quotes, and you'll find that almost all of them involve men,

not a woman to be seen. And if there is a woman to be seen, uh, it is usually in like a very romantic, hetero context. So if we're thinking, like you had me at Hello, right, she's declaring her love for a man, she's sometimes if she's in a Harrison Ford movie, chances are she's being grabbed by Harrison Ford and kissed. Forcibly, God, I hate Harrison Everyone's dream Oh God, push them out a window. But but I do. I want to believe it about the about the iconic scenes. Yeah, yeah,

so that's unfortunate. Fortunately, I think we at least in the past ten years, have more female action heroes to choose from, which is great, but it's still yeah, in in terms of the history of cinema. It's really just straight ladies kissing straight dudes, and sometimes they get in a line, and sometimes if they're lucky, and sometimes you get Scarlett O'Hara shaking her fist at the sky and you're like, oh, that's exciting. But wait, she's a slave owner,

so that's not good either. So movies are bad. Movies are not good. Oh, just a couple. So going back to some of the other sequels, a few things I wanted to mention or just trends that I found is that there's almost always a scene where Ethan Hunt does something to a female character that is not a sexual act, like hiding from a bad guy or like searching them because he thinks they're suspicious, but the movie always frames it as something very sexual because he isn't usually ever

given a romantic interest in the movies. So, like, you know, whatever, director, producer, writer was like, well, we still have to have you know, Tom Cruise fondling a woman on the screener. Who's gonna want to see this? Right? He's like, I have to prove that I am a man who likes girls and everyone needs to see Yeah, yeah, I don't. His vibe is so creepy, and and not just this movie, like Top Gun, a lot of things from this era. In particular, he the way he deals with women is like very intense.

To me, it just seems really creepy. And watching this movie, I started developing a fan theory that he's just like two teenagers in a long coat or something and he doesn't know what to do, so he's doing bad things. And he's five four, he's one teenage And it is wild how just like such intense, insecure masculine energy is broadcast to the largest possible audience. It is fascinating. Sociologically, Tom Cruise's career is fascinated because you're like, he's so

insecure about whatever. Who knows, He won't tell us, but but we all have to. We all have to watch it. And I love it. And he's always running. Have you seen the supercut of him running? Though? There's an eighteen minute video just of someone took all the scenes in every movie has ever been in of him running. It's eighteen minutes long and it's actually amazing. Wow, there's five

minutes of Tom Cruise running in two thousand eighteen alone. Wild. Yeah, you can watch it like one of those Christmas log videos, like it's just the same thing endlessly. It's kind of calming after party. A few of the other trends I noticed, um is that there's often violence against both men and

women in these movies. But often when a woman is killed it's because she's been like captured and tied up and you know, murdered in cold blood kind of thing, whereas when men die, it's usually because they're like in combat and they're like fighting for themselves. There are a few exceptions where there's different agents who are like kicking acid fighting. In fact, there's one scene and I think

it's it's either it goes protocol or rogue nation. But um, there's a woman who's like fighting a room full of bad guys and like Tom Choose is tied up so like he can't help right away, so it's like her like kicking ass. Yeah yeah, and she has to like save him and help him. Um. So every once in a while there will be like a role reversal like that, But for the most part, in these movies, women are sexualized in some way very needlessly. They are often dams old.

There are a few, you know, characters who come and go who are like, oh, yeah, she's pretty cool, she's a badass, but she of course isn't given a personality or anything like that. But so yeah, the treatment over the span of this franchise of women is peculiar because they don't just entirely because some you know, action franchises, the women will just be damns old and she can't fight for herself, she can't do anything. Um, she's given

no skills, no part salting, anything like that. And these movies, at least there are like women agents who are like fighting and like doing cool stuff, and some of them are hacking even and some of them are like, you know, doing this and that. But the first, like in the first movie, at least, it seems like Tom Cruise and John Boy respect the women they're working with, don't call their qualifications into question, which is a low bar to set.

But in most movies like this, you know, you'd have that moment of like, can she really do her job and be so very hot, and then she has to prove it. There aren't those proving moments in this, in the first movie at least, but it's still it's like they treat women like neutral to light negative and and I think do what a lot of these movies do and what the vast majority movies do, which is kind of just like forget about its female characters for large swaths of the movie and then go back to them

when they need something sexy to happen. But there's not really any character motivated sense that we ever cut to Claire. It always has to be like, oh, a sexy thing needs to happen, or John Voight is going to enter the room soon, like those are mostly hercus and so it's just like, I mean, I can't believe that Tom Cruise can't write a female character. I can't believe it. I mean, is he writing these at all? Is he?

I'm sure he's probably like the character to do this movie, this thing in this movie, but like the fifth one, in the upcoming sixth one, the director is his like previous script doctor on these, it's Christopher mcquarie, So I think he. I think he does the Will Smith thing where he has a script guy that he puts in, so he's not like writing writing it, but he's telling someone what the type kind of right, all they said this is a fun movie that does not treat women.

It's like it doesn't treat women well, it doesn't really treat women at all. It is a very non sexual action movie movie, which is unusual because I feel like actual movies so often tip into outright misogyny. This one doesn't because it just doesn't. Is like, this movie doesn't know how to talk to girls. Like literally, this as a text does not know how to talk to girls and largely doesn't. Yeah, it's in like the corner of a middle school dance. It's just like, what do I

do all the time? I worked so hard on my outfit, but I don't know how to talk to anybody. But that said, because it just is like kind of awkward and the way it treats its characters a lot of the time, I still was able to enjoy it. I don't know, Like I I was like, this movie makes no sense. You have to be a literal genius to understand what's going on here. That's not The story is not well written, and like, why would a arms dealer want a knock list of spies? Like that just doesn't

make a whole lot of sense. Her job to figure out she would need it at all? Right? Is she an arms steeler and a list dealer? Like she's just gonna flip it. I don't give it. And then why why would Ethan Hunt whose job is a spy and a huge part of being a spy is to not let other people know that you're a spy. Why would

Max that he's a spy. That's a classic Bond move to He just like goes into a casino and they're like, you need to do some detective work here, and he just walks up to people and he's like, I'm James Bond, where's the villain? It's great, it's really fun, like, oh, sure, okay, I guess we're just going full dummy on this, right. So it's not that you need to be a genius to understand this movie. It's that this story, i would argue,

is not clear or that well written. But the John Voight mask rip really does make it worth the time. The mask reveals, especially as the franchise goes on, are very fun. You're like, this person that I thought was Philip Seymour halfman is actually is that one elf? Oh my god, then you got me again, which every time that happened, someone went Ethan, come on, you're so crazy. You get these maths if someone photoshops mission and Parmesan do it to us now. I feel like you've been

holding that in for an hour. The five seconds I thought of it and then said it was real heard them, Oh boy? Um, does anyone have any other thoughts about the movie? Oh real quick? I actually wanted to talk about the character of Max who So before we see we meet Max on screen, Max has talked about a lot and the pronouns that are used are he because everyone assumes that Max the arm Dealer is a he.

And then there's a big reveal that whenever we meet Max on screen, it's actually a woman, which we've covered here and there on the podcast before, where it's I don't know how commonly recurring this trope is, but it's definitely a trope where you know a character who you thought was a man surprised either they take off their mask or they take off their helmet or whatever, or you know, we just meet them and it's actually a woman.

It bothers me that like someone's gender is like used as a big surprising reveal, but it also might be like providing commentary on how gender normative everyone is, where it's like, oh, this person who's a an armstealer or you know, driving a motorcycle, or a doctor who you think might be a man just kidding. A woman can be those things too. It's a shitty reveal, and it's recycled over and over and over. I feel like most commonly in a movie like this, but sometimes it's kind

of crosses genres as well. Yeah, yeah, And I don't know how there is to talk about her character aside from that, because she's just sort of there being a plot device. Essentially, she's pretty much given no characterization. And also what she doesn't makes no sense because again, she's an arm stealer. I don't understand what her situation is. She's just like, I think it's one of those situations.

It's it's not quite Walking and Jelie. But sorry, that's a really highbrow reference to Christopher Walkins one scene in Jeelie It's not quite Walking and Jeelie, where it truly appears that the actor in question was told they would be given an amount of money to wander on set and just hold a cup and be like, here were

some words off the top of my head. But there is a quality to Vanessa Redgrave's part where it's like she's sort of just acting like herself for like, kind of a character of herself of like a very posh, like smart woman who isn't going to tell you everything, you know, Like her character doesn't make a ton of sense. I that said, I am glad she's there. I love her. I love her. Her scenes with Tom Cruise are weirdly, but I think it's because they're so non sexual. That's

why they're compelling. I'm just like, how does Tom Cruise view this woman? Does he think of her? How does he? It's very unclear. I think a more interesting movie than this one would have been an exploration of an arm steeler who's a woman and what that life is like, Like is she taken seriously by her buyers and other

male arms steelers? Let's explore that, Let's unpack. Yeah, because if she we never see her like knock anybody's heads together anything, So clearly she did a lot of that before, and that would have been really exciting to see, you know, like nobody gets to that position without enforcing first you know, Yeah, where's the origin story? Let's like it? Yeah, I mean, but that's None of the characters here are well written or really make any sense. So that's why I love it.

I mean, it's just a weird move. Be uh, it's just a weird movie. Tom Cruise is a is a weird man. I have terrific teeth. Tom Cruise is problematic as hell, but I honestly quite enjoy him and I like a lot of his movies. He is an actor who leads with his teeth, which is wild. Like if you watch Tom Cruise act, his teeth somehow our first, like, you know, like some people lead with their hips, but Tom he's just like going into every role tooth first.

Chances are Tom Cruise is running towards you were unning, running somewhere teeth first shining. I think he just has one gigantic tooth and then draws in the lines that he's a complicated man. Look, this movie, the First Mission Possible movie is not that great. I have never seen any of the TV shows, so I don't really I'm not a familiar with the source material. Kind of goofy. Yeah, it's just I'm sure it's like can't be sixties like super camp kind of thing. But as the movies go on,

they get better and better. I think Ghost Protocol might be my favorite Um, I liked three enough to buy it on DVD. Mission Possible To is objectively a bad movie, but the rest are like pretty pretty decent, and I think easier to understand. So, like, I think the first one and the first two are just like what the fund is happening in this movie, but I think they get better as they go on. But um, yeah, so this is a franchise I enjoy when I'm not looking

at it through the backtel cast lens. But when I am doing that, you know, it's not hard to see that this franchise does not treat women especially well. There are certainly franchises that do a much worse job. There are some that maybe do a better job. But action franchise, you'd be hard pressed I find one that like it's a feminist masterpiece, because I can't think of any off the top of my head that are, well, there's the alien,

that's true. Yeah, I mean there are like good female action here is, some of whom we've covered on this very podcast, But as far as this particular formula goes where it's like a male action lead, which is of them. I'd be interested if any of our listeners could come to us with a male action lead franchise that has female characters that are treated well. Yeah, because certainly, like as we discussed already, Bond does not do a good job,

Indiana Jones does not do a good job. Yeah. So yeah, action franchises have a long history of not treating women well. Speaking of does this movie pass the Bechtel tests? Not? Women don't even make eye contact in this movie. It's crazy and it really and like I wrote down, I was like, this scene where they're all prepeping, this scene where they are propeping, the scheme is like the seven minute mark. I was like, they are going to have women talk to each other. We're going to get it.

And then they don't. And then there's never even two women in the same room. They would really tease you at the top, but like, uh, they don't even look at each other. I went back and rewatched the scene, partially to check out Amelia's tips, but mostly to see if women even look. They don't even look at each other. There's no acknowledgement. It's mostly Tom Cruise being like, can we get a capucio machine? My name is I want

to better coffee? Didn't I have? And then and then John Voyd's like, yeah, my wife made that coffee and then she's like I made that coffee end of scene. Yeah. Yeah, Because if people haven't seen this movie at a while, it's like Tom Cruise trying to do what he thinks adults do at work when they choke around. It is really really weird or grown up. It's really like he like flipped through some Dilbert and was like, this is probably it. Yeah, they talk about cappuccino a boss a

roof good enough for me. My name is Ethan. So let us rate the movie on our nipple scale, where we rate the movie based on its portrayal of women zero to five nipples. I'm going to have to give this one, I think, like a one, And maybe that's even being too generous. Like I had such high hopes starting out because I was like, oh, three of the six people on this team of spies or women, like is this gonna be dope? And then they pretty much all instantly get murdered. So it's not the feminist text

that we were all hoping for. The women who do survive and don't get murdered, yeah, their motivations are not totally clear or they are attached to a man. They aren't really given much cool to do on screen, Like we already talked about Claire, like when they're like going in to steal the Knocklist, she just has to like look cute in a red dress and poison a guy and that's like pretty much all she gets to do.

And other than that, Yeah, she's either like groped by Tom Cruise or screamed at or she gets shot by her husband, So still makes sense that would happen. And then with Max, like, I don't understand why she's in the movie, or why an armstealer would want this list, and why it's just none none of that makes any sense to me. So yeah, the women who are in the movie pretty much don't make a whole lot of sense. And overall the movie just does not treat women well.

The franchise does not treat women especially well. We are not surprised by that. But maybe Mission Possible fall we'll do a better job. Yeah, I wonder how the Mission Impossible franchise is going to tackle the me Too movement that that's really the text to her waiting for Also, um, as we often come across, this is an extremely white movie, you know, very hetero everything like that. Um In fact that I had to watch the first scene when they're

introducing all the members of the team. I had to watch that like three times because I was like, okay, wait, which woman is Sarah and which one is Claire and which one is Hand? Because they're all three white women who look very similar. They all have the same hairstyle.

Who gave them all the same hairstyle? I had no idea who was who and until two of them died and I was like, Okay, this one's named Claire and she's still alive, and Okay, Like I don't know, maybe put some diversity name movies and you wouldn't have to tell so many fucking white people apart anyway. So yeah, let's go down to a half nipple, and the half nipple I will give to Max because I like that actor.

I guess I'm gonna give it one. And and this is almost an unfair yardstick to be using, but put against comparable series, it does not abuse women to the same extent that most franchises in this genre that are equally successful. But such a low bar. But but I think that that is worth noting as it pertains to this movie because it does like it does make a difference in the way you you view the movie. That said, this movie just like doesn't know how to talk to girls. Uh.

The groping is absolutely unnecessary. The way that that character is spoken for while she's in the room and then killed in the last scene is like borderline ridiculous because it doesn't make sense. Uh. So, not only is it not based in reality from a gendered standpoint, it is also very bleak. Um. Yeah, I mean, I think of the few merits this movie has, it's nice to at least see female characters in an action series whose skills

aren't constantly called into question. I think part of the reason that is, though, is because they're not given that much to do and or they are all killed at the beginning of the movie, which again, yeah, that first scene is just like so frustrating because it's like, uh, we've got almost a movie here, and then we I think, Alex, you're totally on the right track with being like, well, there there's gendertive parody at the beginning, so you can see a lot of women die and have emotional steaks

attached to that. So it's it's weird like this there's just like a weird Uncanny Valley quality to the way this movie deals with gender because I don't think it knows how because Tom Cruise is involved. Um So I'll give it, you know, I'll give it one nipple for the women that are there. None of the characters make sense, but the female characters in this movie don't makes sense and don't have any existence outside of the male characters

that also make no sense. Uh. So I'll give one nipple, and I'll give it to Alfred Molina because I think that he really could have shown up in this movie in almost any part, uh in an effective way. I would love not to, you know, but if Amelia really didn't want to be credited in in this movie, Freddie would have taken the credit. He would have taken the credit. He would have hacked the main frame. We don't get to see thick Hackers a lot, and that would have

been an interesting move. So there you go. So Alfred gets mine. I was much a franchise called thick Hackersick Hackers. It's like kind of my type. Yeah, that's I mean, you both nailed it. I yeah, I would give it, I think one whole nipple because yeah, it doesn't go as overboard with brutality toward women as a lot of

action movies. Like we said, incredibly low bar. But also it does a lot of things wrong too, and especially like this was the least I've ever liked it watching it, because I was thinking, oh, this was maybe much more feminist than I remembered, And then it's super isn't all of a sudden Like it's just a sudden hard left turn. Yeah.

I think if Tom Cruise could have gone and like just been on an island by himself and made whatever movie he'd want to make, it would be this movie with absolutely no women in it, Like there are only women in the film because he knows that's like a consideration that the rest of human civilization and the species wants, and otherwise it would just be boys hanging out and that I can't wait for that franchise. Yeah, we can rename maybe of movie franchises to boys hanging out there

sometimes boys hanging out with guns. Yeah. Well, Alex, thank you so much for being here. Was great course. Um, where can people follow you online? Do you have anything you'd like to plug? Yeah? My Twitter account is at Alex Schmidty. It's my name with a Y on the end, and then my website is Alex Schmidty dot com that has show dates and other info and more awesome. I'm a cracked podcast. Please listen, please um. You can follow the becktel Cast on Twitter and Instagram and Facebook at

bechtel Cast. You can subscribe to our Patreon. It's five dollars a month and it gets you two bonus episodes every single month. Check out our website backtol cast dot com. You can buy merchandise from our online store there, and you can follow me at Caitlin Darante on Twitter and Instagram. You can follow me at Jamie loft Is Help on Twitter and Jamie Jamie christ Superstar on Instagram. Because I don't play by the rules, that's right, your ghostro Combination

five Road Ghost, I'm a thig hacker. This episode will self destruct in five seconds. All right, Bye bye