W. Does Slick Willy / 4.7 Cousin Gerard

Good morning, students and faculty of Lynbrook University. As you know, each week you are required to watch an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. This week's episode is season four, episode seven. Cousin Gerard. I forgot the name of it. Uh, Ray's annoying cousin Gerard is hired by Marie to help Ray with his book. Ray's entire family starts to see that Ray has many of the same annoying traits as Gerard. And Ray decides to work on Gerard while trying to make himself feel better.

Hello? Can I come in? Uh, hey, Bob. Uh, leave it at the door, thanks.

Alex, it's Bob. Bob, we gave you a key. You don't have to knock. It's your room.

I was just, I just wanted to make sure that everyone was decent, you know. Um, I just have been burned too many times, you know. Um, it's sort of my lot in life.

Very, very kind of you, Bob. But listen, okay, so this is like, the end of your first week here, and you've been, you've been, you've been pretty good here, but, you know, I, uh, okay. Look, we like you, Bop, but you gotta put your underwear away, okay? I, I, this clothesline is not, like, it's not option, it's not a, This isn't a space where you can just put your underwear on clotheslines. We, we have a dryer for that.

Well, I, I saw the hooks on the walls, and, and once I moved the string lights out of the way, there was space to hang my clothesline, and I'm sorry. It's just, you know, with, with my Indigestion. It's just, I really need to soak 'em. I just Wait, hang on. The problem is I soak 'em and then I gotta soak 'em. So Robert, you soak to soak. You've been

living here for Robert. Hang on. You've been living here for a week? It's been about a week. Yeah. I, I, Mike, side, side sideline.

Sorry, Bob.

Uh, if Robert's been here for a week, how come I'm only meeting him right this second?

I, have you been in the room? This week is like, he's been here. The university has like, uh, you know, made it, did they over, they over enrolled and so like, you know, they got to give fourth roommates to people and I guess we're the lucky ones. So yeah, he's, I don't know how you've. Avoided him. He's been killing me. Hey, hey, Robert. Sorry, Bob. Yeah, here, here you go,

Mike. Here, I folded it. They're still a little damp, but I folded them and, and here's the line. So, you can just show me where to hang them up, and I'll hang them up in the proper place. I'm so sorry. Thanks.

Uh, so, Robert, what do you What are you majoring in?

I'm, uh, well, I'm undecided at the moment, unfortunately. I'm just sort of taking it, you know, my first week here at Lindbergh University and I'm, I'm really excited to, uh, you know, get to know the campus, get to know the academic offerings and, and what's available and, you know, I've been known to sort of be a little indecisive. Then jump around from job to job and major to major and last name to last name. So it's just a little hard to, to land on something, you know, but I'll get there.

Really? Uh, Alex looks at Mike and then back at Robert. Can I ask you something? Might be, that might be a little personal. Of course. What is your opinion on the French?

Well, don't, don't this, this should stay in this room, but I fricking hate the French, Alex. I freaking hate them so much. Oh, you don't say. Yeah, they have, I've had enough run ins with, let's just say, I can't go to Paris, France, and I can't even go to Paris, Texas, after all the trouble I've gotten into with them.

Right, absolutely.

Well, I've, I've seen, I've seen Paris, and I've seen France. I'm still confused as to why I'm holding your underpants.

I, you said that you would dry them for me? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Mike. I'm so sorry. I'll take them back. I'll just put them away. I'll put them away wet, and thank you for sharing your drawer with me. That's so kind. Down the hall,

there's a dryer. There's like, you could like put them in the dryer. A

dryer what?

Like machine, you put it in, it goes like the tumble.

Goes like the tumble.

The tumble. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You put it in. You said makes them all hot and warm.

Oh

my god, like

Bob, Bob, come here, come here. You see, you see the sign that says washer slash dryer?

Yeah, I assumed that was a place where I could get small metal discs for putting in between screws and holes. And then something else

You use that to like clean your laundry and then dry your laundry. You could, you could, you could use that.

Wow, Robert, you also co You also comedically misunderstand the meaning of things sometimes. That's uh That's, that's really, that's nice. Comedically. I relate to that one.

I'm not funny.

Oh my god. I guess you're not. Um, tell you what, uh, where'd you move from, Robert?

Well, actually, I was born and raised in Lynbrook my whole life. I I, I, I lived at, uh, you know, on Catalpa for, for most of my life, uh, and, uh, beautiful little house, backing up against another house, uh, I never got a chance to look over that fence, though. I don't know what was over on that other side. Yeah, yeah. And that house, and that house mysteriously burned down a couple years ago, and then, I don't know what happened to that family.

How old are you now, Robert? I'm,

well, let's see, I graduated in 1984 from college the first time, so that would put me in my 60s, 70s.

Oh my god.

Mike, sidebar.

Uh, yeah, go, go ahead and, you're 70 years old, you've never used a dryer before. Go, go check it out, go see if you can figure it out.

Hey, come on. Fine, do you have any wet things that you want me to take for you?

Nope, I'll take care of my own wet stuff. Thank you very much, Bob.

Okay, I'll be right back, fellas.

Oh my god, Mike, this is kind of freaky, don't you think?

That guy sucks, doesn't he? Yeah,

but that wasn't my point. What do you mean? Dude, he's, he's exactly Like you.

No, he's not. Get the fuck out of here. What are you talking about? Oh, think about it. Hey,

guys. Hey, Mike, you left your sopping wet boxer briefs in my, uh, On used as a pillowcase on my pillow again. I'm gonna need you to take these out,

please. Oh, sorry. Sorry, Adam. I just, I keep I keep forgetting that. Sorry about that.

Wait, what's going on out here? I was in the zone. I was listening to some, um, heavy drum and bass music from the 90s. Uh, in my room I couldn't hear a thing. Mike and Robert Mike and Robert are Exactly the same. The same person. No, they're exactly the same. I noticed that the in. No, you're not.

Mike, think about it. No, wait. Think about it. The boxer thing. The French thing. You're both not funny. I guarantee you he had a moment. He had like a whole like flat earth phase. I guarantee it.

Andy tearfully confided in me that he was, he's never felt the touch of a woman. So, I mean, you're wearing that t shirt.

Mike, why are you crying? You guys could be brothers.

Okay, first of all, first of all, we are nothing alike. The boxer brief is a mistake that could happen to anybody. He's a, I give him this, he's a smart, logical person, so of course he has that opinion on the French. Third of all, I don't, uh, I, I told you not to tell anybody about that, I've, I've, I've, I've moved on, I've, I've, I've sexed so many people, you don't, you don't under, that's just, anyway.

Wait, did you say sexed as in past tense of having sex, or sexted? Cause you, you got, you were like top of Anthony Wiener's contact list, right? I'm sorry, Carlos Stanger?

Uh, both of them actually.

You, you were in a

group text with both

of them.

Yeah, they were just, they were just sending, they thought, they thought I was their third. I guess I'm, I guess I'm number neighbors. Like the third. And so they thought they were sending the pictures and everybody was in on it and I was just too scared to say anything because I was just getting dick pics left, right, and all over the place. It was, uh, yeah.

It was so embarrassing when I went with you to the doctor and they asked if you were sexually active and you said well I just lost my virginity by being in a group text with Anthony Wiener and Carlos Stanger.

And the doctor gave me a high five which was the weirdest thing. Weirdest part.

Yeah, and then you aced the depression test, is that right? You got the highest score they've ever seen. Wow, congrats. Yeah, I nailed it,

I don't understand. Yeah, I mean, it was pretty, pretty clear, you just answered truthfully. But, but like, again, I don't, the point here is that Bob sucks, okay? And I don't have anything to do with it. You guys are making a whole big, whole big thing about it. Bob is annoying, he's intrusive, and yeah, he's no good, he's no

good. He's you!

He's you, he's hapless, he's uh, you know, he fell down the stairs like three times when I was showing him where his classes were.

Well, those stairs are tricky.

We flashback to a montage. Uh, with yackety sacks under it of Mike falling down every staircase on campus.

Yeah, yeah, exactly, like, come on, like, those are, those are pretty tough, like, not for nothing.

Okay, I mean, maybe it's just a coincidence, maybe it's just, you know, he's Putting this foot forward to ingratiate him, so I mean it's hard when you're coming into an established roommate dynamic and you're the first, you know, the fourth roommate and You're just trying to make friends, you know Maybe as he settles in we'll see another side of him and you know You won't find him so annoying or similar to you anymore. Maybe

I again I don't know about the other thing, but I just, guys, like, come on. He's a total pushover. Like the only thing that, that he has going for him is that people like to make fun of him. So like, that's why he has friends that like hang around, like, come on. It's, it sucks. It sucks. I just,

yeah, I guess you got a point.

Um, shut up, Mike. Uh, Alex, let's go into the other room here for a second. I want to show you some. Drum and bass music from the 90s. You stay here, Mike.

Okay, no problem. Oh, I hate drum and bass music from the 90s.

No,

no, you'll Mike, don't let Robert touch any of my shit.

You'll like this, Alex. You'll like this. Okay. Hey, Mike, I I'm back. That Oh, okay. As you can see, I think I did the dryer wrong. All of my clothes have shrunk and cinched around my body, and I look like I'm wearing my child's clothes because I fell into the dryer myself. I didn't know jeans could shrink this much. Oh!

Mm hmm. Yeah, I mean, that's, that's something you really gotta be on the On the lookout for with the draw. I guess I should have probably warned you about that, but yeah, um, oh don't touch that That's Alex's.

What is it? Let me see this. What is this?

No, that's that's a that's that's Alex's It says right there property of Alex said don't touch his shit. So you can't touch Alex's shit. Give me that

Hey Mike hands off my shit. Hey, sorry Alex. My bad

Alex come back We're about to get into the best of prodigy get in here I do

like pro okay.

You do like prodigy. Um, Mike, anyway, um, You said you were gonna show me where that class is that we signed up for together.

Oh, right. Right, yeah, the um, the, the history of the French Revolution I mean, I was just gonna go there and shout nice from the back. Wait, what? Yeah, the history of the French Revolution I was just, I just signed up so I could sit in the back and Shout nice every time a guillotine drops, but you know, that's

is that do they do do they do live guillotining in the class?

They got videos of it and everything. No, no, no, no kids are getting guillotined. That would be ridiculous What

class is this where they're showing snuff films from the French Revolution?

The history of the French Revolution. You just don't get it. I just thought it was pretty But

look, we're, we're gonna be late. We should, we should Yeah, let's,

let's start, let's start going. Let's start going. Can I,

can I borrow some clothes?

Yeah, here. Uh, uh, you got this, Eddie. You'd better be Oh! That's an ex It's an exact fit. That's, that's actually uncanny. Yeah, this,

this fits me better than anything I've ever worn before. Do you mind if I try on your pants as well?

Okay, yeah, here. I got like three of them, so you can, you can take one. Do you

mean you're wearing three or you own three?

No, I own three pants. I'm wearing one. You can have one and I got a third left over for, for Later,

okay. Thank you. Let me just pull these off. Oh my god This is a perfect fit and it's the exact right amount of room in the crotch and everything. This is incredible Wait a second. Is this my driver's license in your pocket? Oh, no. Wait. This is your non driver ID card

Yeah, yeah,

you really got to get a real ID, you know, they keep pushing the deadline back But I think anytime now they're actually gonna start enforcing that

Nah, no way, no way, they're not gonna, they can't be, don't ever keep, don't ever keep trying to make me I mean it doesn't,

doesn't matter for me, doesn't matter for me, I'm on the no fly list anyway for screaming at a, at a flight attendant. Huh,

you too? Huh. But,

let's go.

Yeah, let's, let's walk, let's walk, let's walk and talk.

They, they walk out of the dorm room and immediately fall down the stairwell together.

And they, they make the exact same sounds and you never see them again. Oof, ow, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah,

ah, ah, ah. So, class, as you see from the video, um, this was the very last execution to take place in France in 1971, uh, outside the premiere of Star Wars. Nice! Mike, please sit down. I've asked you to please stop shouting out during ze class. Don't make me send Cosette back there. My TA Cosette, as you all know. I will kill him. She will beat you with the baguette. Just like she did with, um, Lewis when he brought his, took his phone out in class and didn't silence it.

I still can't feel my face.

That's right, across the face. But Mike, I think for you it would be across zee ass. Um, just because based on how you filled out the the form at the start of the semester, you indicated a preference for zee ass. Yes, that's right. And remember students, remember students, don't tell the college about this class. This is not strictly. We're watching snuff films and you're being spanked with baguettes. It's really not Complete. I'm not even I'm not even French guys.

it, boss! I mean, I kill him. This is Are

all the classes like this, Mike? This is unhinged.

I

mean, all the good ones are. Is this college in some sort of heightened reality where, like, you know, the laws of physics don't super apply and, like, celebrities from the 90s show up at, like, random intervals or

Where'd you go to high school?

Well, I went to Yeah,

you didn't, you didn't, you don't remember that? Cosette down there was like, Cosette was our, was my trig teacher. I don't, you know, it's like, it's, it's, it's pretty much a pipeline.

My, I, uh, was actually really bad at math and had to use a calculator to even do a basic average of three numbers. So That sucks

to be you, Bob. I mean, seriously, that's uh, That's really tough.

You do have a point. I remember when the cast of the Drew Carey show came to school and beat you up in front of everybody.

Smash cut back. Call and mockery. Oh, Ryan.

Ryan, we see Ryan Stiles about to curb stomp Mike in front of the high school. So anyway, class, uh. As I was saying before, I was so rudely interrupted by Mike, um, This was the last execution to take place in France. It was in 1971, also as the premiere of Star Wars. It was a publicity stunt that also happened to coincide with the death sentence for this man, uh, Pierre. I mean, you can guess. It's some French last name. It doesn't matter. So, who would like to, uh, say the role of Pierre?

my, my eyes gotta be, gotta be silver

too. Yeah, they are bright red and bleeding. So we're, this is gonna have to be a quick one. But okay, Cosette, we're gonna roll. Here's your scripts, everyone. Class, follow along. Page 67 in ze book. Um, and I'm sorry for shooting all of those people, but I don't regret it, and I'm gonna get executed.

Let's execute him! Uh,

guys, that Luke Skywalker guy is pretty cool, huh? Who do you think his dad is? Hmm? Hmm?

And remember, class, this is accurate. This is historically accurate. George Lucas watched this execution take place and sort of plugged The Empire Strikes Back, uh, before it came out. I also said 1971, which I'm realizing is way too early. There's a typo in the textbook. I think 77, so if everyone could just draw a little extra line in the textbook there, thank you. Okay. Sir, I don't know this Luke Skywalker, but please tell me who his father is.

Oh, I don't know. I was just asking for speculation. Do you think he has any brothers or sisters? That would be an interesting little tip. That'd be pretty cool, right?

What if, what if you introduced a character who, Professor, I don't think, What if you introduced a character in this movie who then turned out to be his sister in the subsequent movie even though they kiss and it seems like they've got some romantic tension. Professor, I don't think this actually happened. I don't

think Drop the axe, he knows too much! Ah!

It's a classic stage guillotine where there's actually no, uh, blade in the center. It just drops down around his head. Um, Oh my God. I thought that was actually going to cut my head off. Professor. I really don't, don't think this is historically accurate. I don't think the guy, the last ever guillotine. Execution in France gave George Lucas the idea to make Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia brother and sister. I just don't Yeah,

the script later on goes and talks about a jar of jar of things. Oh yeah, it's not over, it's not

over, it's gonna keep going. We've got a lot to get through class.

He's got, he's got a lot to say about, about the mid chlorians or what. Yeah, midichlorians. Yeah, yeah. Did he just, how public was this execution?

Uh, very, very. It was in front of, it was on the red carpet in front of everybody. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, don't worry about that. Oh, class, it looks like, uh, we really gotta get going. Uh, the actual class that's scheduled for now is going to come in, so just gather up everything and, and don't leave any trace. Uh, we cut to, uh, a little bit later. Uh, the professor and Cosette are walking across campus. I think they almost caught us. Um, I, I don't Want anyone to know. Shh!

They will never know.

They just can't find out that George Lucas is doing a sort of guerrilla, sort of, uh, mind retconning thing, where he goes around and tries to pass off blame for the failures of Star Wars, uh, all the unpopular choices that I made, pass them off as the idea of some Frenchman guillotined. It's just, it That was close. I feel like they started picking up on it in this reading.

Sir, you're trying too hard. George Lucas doesn't really get any flack for the fall of Star Wars anymore.

I don't know. I still hear it from every time I'm walking down the street. I still hear

it. Well, with the Disney acquisition, I feel like people have turned a blind eye to what he did.

I getcha. Well, look, we gotta get to Hofstra. Uh, we gotta do the same thing. I I really think every college around the country There's work to be done. There's much work to be done, and and thank you for for helping me out, by the way. Um, I know your career sort of dried up after you played Anakin Skywalker, and it was really tough for you, so I appreciate you, like, coming back and and helping me with that. This, you know, sort of fucked you over and everything. Yeah,

it's no problem.

And you really showing range with the characters that we do. I think next one we should do like, you know, I'll be like Macron's brother. And like, you can be a mime if you want, you know, vocal rests. You know, you're talking about maybe toning down the accents a little bit.

Yeah, that'd be really cool, man. I'd be down for that. All right. Okay

No, no, no Guys get over here.

I'll shoot. I'll shoot him. I'll shoot him. He grabbed I will Shoot him. Hey,

what the hell? I, uh, what are we getting open on season two?

We do a, um, like fast motion camera backs away from this scene on the quad of George Lucas taking Hayden Christensen hostage as he's being surrounded by campus security and a bunch of other students. And we zoom back to, uh, Robert Barone Hall, Robert Barone Memorial Hall, as we've established, um, where. Uh, Mike and Robert are going to their next class. So are all the classes like that, Mike? It seems a little stressful to go to school here if they're all

I mean, the good ones are, for sure. I mean, there are some boring ones, you know? But like Yeah, I mean, what else are you gonna do? Cause like, we come to college for a fun time, and it seems like you're really interested in like, getting good grades and stuff, and

Not really.

Oh, no?

Not really, if I if I can be honest with you, I'm just here because, well Alright, this is gonna sound crazy. Let's huddle in this bush here, so

There's no one around, we could like sit on the bench

No, let's huddle in this bush, come here, come here

Oh, sorry, I was using this bush, I'll, I'll just use a different one

Hey, no, no, no, you can, you can stay there Jerry, we'll, we'll, we'll go to the, we'll go to the one over there Yeah, you,

you were here first, you were here first, so sorry Bush,

bush rules, bush rules

Okay, thanks, Mike. He says clearly to Robert as he goes back into the bush.

All right, let's get it let's get in this bush. So listen, this is gonna sound really crazy But I don't want to kiss you. I I don't want to I'm not attracted to you. I actually find you really unattractive

Ouch,

yeah, okay. I mean just you're just mopey, you know, why don't you try smiling a little bit?

Okay Can't all right see what you were gonna say cuz I got thoughts on that But I want to I want to hear what you brought me into this bush for

Okay, so last season I walked off a pier and drowned, and I went to hell. Oh no. And I made a deal with the devil to come back to earth, if I And he would let me come back and have another chance at life, if I had sex with somebody.

How's that going?

So So that's why I'm at college. And it's not going well. I know that sounds crazy.

But, you know, You know, but believe it or not, it's not as crazy as it sounds. Listen, okay. I don't know what you think of me. You said you don't think that I'm, that I'm attractive, but I'm telling you right now, I am crushing Vag day in and

day out.

So I, so I'm going to, you've got to teach me Mike.

You've got to teach me. I'm going

to. All right. So we got to like. I want you to roll your shoulders back, roll your shoulders back, and we're gonna, we're gonna teach this. First of all, first of all, lose the glasses, okay? You got, you got those huge Coke bottle glasses, you gotta get rid of them. Okay, how well can you see?

Not great, I, I really need them, they're trifocals.

You got the tries too, huh? Alright, um, okay. Put them back on. We can make that work.

Hey, excuse me, Mike. Are you okay? Why are you just sitting in a bush talking to a mirror?

Jim? Jim? I'm in the middle of something here. Do you can

I think his name might have been Jerry, Mike.

Oh, okay.

I'll see ya. Oh, that's a different guy. Yeah, I'm

still over here.

There are a lot of bushes on this campus. There's three. There's one more right here, fellas. That's right, I'm giving the commencement address. Bill?

Clinton.

No!

I was thinking Bill too.

George, you're carrying the saxophone around. I don't know. Well,

okay. Everyone, come out of the bush. George, come here, come here. Okay. What do you think of this? Well,

we'll talk, we'll talk later, Bob.

What do you think of this? W's tribute to Clinton. W's tribute to Slick Willy. I'm doing a couple different tests in different markets. I'm gonna give your commencement address this year. I'm gonna do W's tribute to Slick Willy. I'm gonna come out in sunglasses.

Hey man, that sounds real good, alright? I'll tell you what. And you know what? You got your good buddy Barack Obama behind you on this one. Yeah, this is

This is Jeb. I begged him not to do the face, but

Jeb, I have a question. Um, first of all, thank you for coming here, but why are you coming here? I just, look, this is the Limburg commencement address, and I don't think either of you have deep ties to Limburg or Long Island or New York in general, and I just, this seems a little out of place.

Well, like I said, we're doing a tour of different colleges. We're trying out this double act. W does Slick Willy. Obama

does W. Oh, Obama does W. Well, Jeb,

Obama, in quotes, does W. And it's, we're going to get all the I'm a little confused.

Hold on, I'm a little confused. Alright, alright, alright, alright. I lost my tri focus. I can't see. Is that guy behind you, is that Jeb Bush and a Barack Obama face paint, or is that Barack Obama and Jeb Bush face paint? I can't really tell from where I'm standing.

Don't misunderestimate me, Mike. This is, I'm organizing a variety show.

Bob, did you hear that? W knows me by name.

You're wearing that name tag.

Oh, I'm sorry. I keep forgetting.

I'm putting together a variety show. My pitch is this variety show where all the presidents do an act in the character of the previous president. So I'm doing Slick Willy. Slick Willy was gonna do my dad, but he is not given a firm commitment yet. Obama gave me a hard no. So, I figured, next best thing was, I've got Jeff, just, just for the, like, to put in front of executives. So, like, we can, like, get some momentum behind it and then maybe Obama will be into it. Trump!

So Jeb, no, okay, so Jeb is doing, is dressing up as Obama so that his Obama can play you. You play Slick Willy. Is Biden doing Trump or is that, is that no good? Cause I feel

like that would be No, no, moratorium. Moratorium. Moratorium. No, no current, no current, no most recent, we're just doing president emerituses. So starting, except for Trump. So starting with Obama, going back to, I mean, theoretically we could do Carter does Ford, I don't think he's up for it.

Smash cut to a peanut farm. Beep, beep, I'm Ford. I can do it. W. W, let me on. I'm, I'm, I'll kill it.

You know what, Jimmy? Yeah? I think you will. You know what? I'm gonna fly you up. I know, I know. I'm gonna fly you up to Lynbrook, and you're gonna come do the commencement with me and Jeb.

We would love to. Jimmy Carter Peanut Farm would love to sponsor the, the, the tour. Could you put, could you put it on the backburner?

Wait, Jimmy, let me get on the same page with you. Yeah, do you want to be in the show? Oh, or do you just want to sponsor?

I wanna be in the show, but it would also be really good advertising, so I'd like to have the back thing say, Brought to you by the Jimmy Carter Peanut Farm,

and then

I'm

there. The back thing? Do you mean we should be wearing, like, jerseys or something? What do you mean the back thing?

The back,

like the, the, like the proscenium of the stage. , Mike: that's a big word, but, yeah. I didn't know you knew that. Could you w Yeah, I'm proscenium too. Yeah.

W Could you spell proscenium for me? Right here.

P-R-O-S-S-E-N-I-U-M. Cini.

I, I don't know if that's right, but I don't believe you

Well, Jimmy, I gotta be honest. People might think you're double dipping a little bit. I think you, if you're gonna be on the show, you gotta divest from that peanut farm again. I know it was tough back in the seventies, but you, you got, you gotta be kidding.

You gotta be kidding me. I can't. You gotta play.

For right now, the show is me and Jeb doing Obama and Slick Willie. Well, Jeb is playing the role of Obama, playing me. I'm playing Slick Willie. I got the dress. I got the, I'm gonna roll out. If I can get the Rockettes, I'm gonna have them sit in like the Senate Judiciary Committee around me so that I can say, depends on what the definition of is is and all the hits, but they're also not returning my calls.

Okay. Um, at any point are you gonna give the graduates, like, advice, or do any of the things that are associated

with commencement? No, this is purely, no, we're doing it at 15, and then we're getting off the stage. We will accept honorary doctorates, and by we, I mean me and Jeb, not, it's, we're not Carrying them to other presidents.

Will the honorary doctorate

I'm Jeb.

Yeah, thank you, Jeb. Will the honorary

doctorate Will the hon I know what you're gonna ask. Is the honorary doctorate Jeb's gonna receive gonna say Barack Obama? Or Obama? And the answer is, I think that's gonna vary by institution and the how good the lighting is in the venue at the time and whether we can fool them. Because, you know, fool me once. Fool them once, shame on them. Fool them twice, won't get fooled again. That's a classic Bushism right there.

Mr. President, uh, yeah, I, I, I want to be clear. I'm appreciative of your time here. I was in the middle of a conversation with my buddy. Why, why do you want to paint me? What are you asking me to be painted for? I don't know, what, what's going on here?

You know, I paint people. I paint mostly veterans who are haunted by the scars of war, and I just see a deadness in your eyes. Have you been to hell? You've been there too? He has been to hell. Oh yeah, I have been to hell.

I kind of figured you were going. I didn't I didn't know you were getting a preview.

Yeah, I got the, I got an open house at hell. When you're the president, you get like advance notice of whether you're going It's true, it happens to all of us, we all know, I'll run them down. Carter, heaven big time. Reagan, hell.

HW,

HW, heaven marginal. Slick Willy, hell. Me, hell. Obama, heaven. Trump, hell. Biden is already in heaven. He's just astral projecting down to our plane. So can I paint you? It's not gonna be good. Just let him paint you, man.

The

terms are I get to paint you, but Jeb, you also have to get painted by Jeb and You can only keep Jebs.

Okay, can I know what you're gonna paint?

You, but you're gonna be turned around in the shower like my self portrait. You're Hold

on. You're You're You're gonna take Take my fo You're gonna take my face, and on my face you're gonna point You're gonna paint a picture of me Blair Witch ing it in the in the shower?

I did not see that movie, I was in office at the time.

Oh, it's a good one, you gotta check it

out. I did, it was awesome. I had Colin Powell hide that from me to protect me, cause I was really scared of the Blair Witch.

There's a scene where there's a guy staring in the corner, and it's very scary, is that what you're gonna make me do?

No, have you ever seen my self portrait? Let me show you on my phone, I've got a Blackberry from 2004. So it's a painting of me from behind, in the shower, facing the shower wall, and you can see in a little, like, shaving mirror, my face. Yeah. I'm not facing. Now that I look at it. No, there it is. There it is. There it is. I found it. I found it. There it is. Here. I'm putting it. I'm handing it to you in the chat.

I, so. Alright, so. Okay, so.

Listen. Can I paint you? Can I paint you? Can I paint you?

Let him paint you. Alright.

That's fine. That's fine, as long as you put the mirror in there, so you still get a view of my face, just like in your picture right there.

It will look exactly like mine. Okay, just sign this?

Yeah, you got it, yeah, there you go. Alright.

Alright, Jeb, we got one. I'm Jeb. Mission accomplished, let's go! Hey, Jeb. They run away across the quad, towards the hostage situation.

There's

So anyway, Mike.

Okay, Bob, that went entirely off the rails. I'm sorry for that like 20 minute detour. Uh, we were talking about getting you late, I believe, before the president so rudely interrupted us.

Yeah, yeah. So can you help me? Can you help me lose my virginity so I don't go back to hell? Yeah,

yeah. Sorry, that was just And I gotta tell you, Mike. That I had to take in.

And I gotta tell you, I gotta tell you, Mike. Yeah, Bob. I spent three and a half, three years and one semester at Sarah Lawrence already trying to get laid. Ah, son of a bitch. So I am, I only have another, whatever the rest of the semester is, I know commencement is coming up. So, and I know this school, just so it's not locked into any sort of particular time, I know this school does a lot of commencements throughout the year.

I understand. I also know how the calendar works. So you don't, I don't know why you need to explain the commencement thing to me.

I'm sorry.

Okay. It's okay. Um, yeah, no. Okay. So first of all, Trifocals are a lock. You're sure on those?

I mean, if you can get me trifocal contacts, I, I get, I can see, I get my contacts from one 900 contacts. So I get on the phone and it's a sexy lady and I pay a dollar a minute to talk to her and order contacts from her. Um, yeah, yeah. Do, will you be willing to do that for me? Sure, yeah, that's

no problem.

Hi, thank you for calling 1 900 CONTACTS, can I have your credit card number?

Yeah, it's, um, it's, it's 8 6 9 4 4 3 4 1 7 2 8 4, uh, 5.

Alright, pretty sure that's too many numbers, but I'll patch you through to Thank you. Belinda.

Hi, this is Belinda.

Hey Belinda, uh, I need

What are you seeing?

Nothing right now. 'cause I need contact.

Sounds like you need some.

That's literally what I just.

Well, hon, if you can give me your credit card information, and address, I suppose I could send that over. Same number. Sorry, I'm

still on the line. Just remember, sir, same number. Exactly the same. Dude,

you're a creep. You gotta get out of here. I'm sorry, it's

my job. I'm listening for quality control. Okay, goodbye. So,

shit, I just dropped my, my credit card went down the drain. I think there was a four in there. Um, uh,

Yeah, that's That's definitely one of the numbers.

7541439005?

Okay, so that went through. So that was someone's credit card. So that works. I'll take it.

I'll take it. That's great. Yeah. Yeah,

I got a delivery for a Mike H. It's from 1 900 CONTACTS.

I don't know who Mike H. I don't know who Mike H is. I was looking for Mike I's delivery.

Oh, yeah. Didn't you just change your name? You're right.

Yeah, yeah, that's right. Literally last episode, actually.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Sorry. It had old. You really got to talk to Chase about that. You got to update your card information. Oh, I'm sorry. You're not. They're never good at this. Sorry, you're not with. Chase you're with please get away from us bank, right? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, that's all Chase wouldn't take me.

And that's Mike EYE.

Close enough, I'll take it.

Because it's context. I'm sorry I'm just having a little we have fun at IPS. All right, I gotta go.

Great. All right, Bob, try these

Okay, do you have any solution or should I just raw dog it?

Just just pop them in

My god, I can see so clearly. Okay. How did you get the right? I didn't even give you my prescription. How did you get this? I had

lucky

guess. Okay,

so that's number one. We got that done. Am I beautiful now? You're you're a step on the way You're a step on the way. We gotta work on your outfit. Do you have anything? I'm wearing your clothes Yeah, I Yeah, it just doesn't, just doesn't work. Could you just like, I don't know, put on like a button up or something? Like something respectable.

I think if I mean do you have time? I know we're trying to get to a class right now, but I think we have time for a little shopping montage.

I think we entirely missed it. I think the conversation with the president was just that long. Oh yeah, that was 50 minutes. That was a long time, yeah. Okay. I think the class is just done.

Let's go shopping! Uh, we see them, uh, in a montage, they walk. Towards the, uh, grand staircase as Yakety Sax plays, and they fall down the stairs and faceplant, and we flash forward. Um, oh, God. I, I'm glad that this fit with the swelling, because this is my size, and it's gonna, when I heal, it's gonna fit great, I think.

Yeah, I think so, I think so. Alright, and, okay, you know how, like, you know how you're not funny?

Yeah, I know.

Could we change that just a little bit?

I don't know. Could you

make like a single person laugh today? You think you think that we can make that work?

I can try. Okay, great. Excuse me. Excuse me. Father. Yes? What can Oh, hello, Mike. What can I do for you? No, I I'm I'm Bob. I'm Robert. I'm a new student here. Are you sure? I think so. Uh, I just wanted to To tell you, to tell you a joke, um, to see if, if I could make you laugh.

Well, sure, anything makes me laugh.

Okay, um, what are you doing, Mike? Are you looking

through a book? I'm looking through the bushes, I'm looking through the bushes.

Okay, well, um, so I'm trying to, I'm trying to find somebody to have sex with me so I can lose my virginity. Um, father, what, wha Why did the chicken cross the road?

I've heard this one before. To get to church.

We cut to a meeting of priests. Like a social for priests.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Bless you, bless you. What? What's black, white, and red all over?

It's it's a newspaper

No no no, it's a Bible with communion wine spilled all over it Ha! Who else? Who's got one? Who's got one? Okay, come on! Who's next? Father Daniel, I know you've

got one I know you have one, come on I got one! I got one, okay Okay. Alright, alright, alright. So two rabbis walk into a bar, and they say, I didn't get there yet, and they say, Hey! Hey! There's a church across the street. We should go. And then they become Catholics. Hey! One more, one more, one more. Father, Father Peter, Father Peter.

I've got one. Until recently, arch, our masses were without song, until one of the nuns died. She was an organ donor. That

was a really good one. That's, that's an actual funny joke.

That's an actual joke, that's a great actual joke. Peter, Peter, oh the priest started chanting. Pick Peter up, throw him up in the air, up and down, up and down. And

we slowly fade back where we see the father going, Peter,

Peter,

Peter. Father?

No,

it's,

it's Robert. Oh, yes,

I am here, yes. It's Robert. Hello, Michael,

uh, Robert. Um, so, okay, the punchline. She was an organ donor.

I'll see you in court.

What? Mike, this is not going well.

Bob, you just gotta try harder. I don't know what to tell you. I promise you, I'm funny. I mean, you're funny. I mean, This just isn't going well. This just isn't, this just isn't great. Oh my god,

Mike, look. It's Lenore. She sat next to me in biology the other day and I was really picking up a vibe.

Dude, you gotta, you gotta go for it. You gotta go for it. Will you come with

me?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll show you. I'll show you what to do. Yeah, we'll do that. Yeah, come on. Come on. Let's go.

Yeah, show me what to do and then I'll do the same thing.

Because as we've established. Yeah, exactly. This is great.

Alright, let's go. Lenora, Lenora, Lenora. Hey, Lenora. Oh, hello Robert and hello Robert.

No, that's, that's Mike. That's my friend,

Mike. I can't, don't believe we've had the pleasure, Mike. It's nice to meet you. Oh, well, it is a pleasure. So, Robert, where were you in class the other day? I missed you.

Oh, well, Mike was showing me around campus, uh, you know, showing me all the cool spots to, um, casually lean, and, um I see that. Did he show you my dorm room yet? No, he has not shown me your dorm room.

Um, well it's really interesting 'cause they messed up with the architecture.

Why? We wanna go to your dorm room. It's the same as all the other dorm rooms we've been to them.

Mike was, Mike told me he's not allowed to go into any of the other dorms other than his own. But I, I am, I'm allowed to go into other dorm rooms. You're kidding. What, what building are you in? That's my building. I just moved in there. I'm the fourth roommate for Mike and his friends. I'm the fourth roommate for three, three girls. Uh, Alex, uh, hey, uh, it's, it's me, Adriana. Um, have you seen Michelle anywhere? Hey, we've really got to get, we've really got to record the podcast.

Oh, but come on, I, I, you know, I don't need to worry about it, I got, I got a shitty microphone, that's all I need. I watched, listen, how much are you gonna be mad at me? I watched the episode, okay? That's all I needed.

Alright, I don't know why you sound so different, you're in the same room as us, and yet you sound so

Alright, alright, sorry. You know what? It's time, let's just start the Tanner zone, and let's just get to it.

So I would, I would really like to see your dorm room, actually, that would be great. Well what are you doing right now? Uh, Mike is, was gonna teach me how to be, um, not cool. He was gonna just, nothing. Great, let's go! Yeah,

no, you should, wait, well, we were in the middle of a thing here. We could, I, I, you know, we'll, we'll, we'll stroll this way, that's fine. And then I'll give you some pointers on the way. Yeah, we can all go together, right?

Uh, sure. Mike, Mike can follow behind us, right? And we can walk a little bit in front of him, or Walk fast. Yeah, we'll walk kind of fast. Um, so, you're looking

Oh, you guys are Yeah, they break into

a brisk walk. So, you're looking I start

sprinting behind them.

You look ravishing today, Lenore. Did someone say

something about radishes? Radishes? I'm allergic to radishes. I like radishes. They make me break out in hives. Mike falls down the

They reach the grand staircase. Robert and Lenore confidently stroll down it. Mike falls down. And they leave him in the dust.

Alex shows up out of nowhere. Well, I guess he's nothing like you, actually, Mike. I was wrong, and I'm sorry for comparing the two of you. That guy just got laid.

Hey, Mike, um, uh, how's it going? Did you, uh, I don't remember what your objective was this week. The chili truck is here, so that's exciting. Uh, what's going on?

Bob and I are nothing alike. Let's go get Chili's.

Sorry, clarification. It's not the Chili's truck. It is a truck that is serving Chili. Loose, by the way. So you gotta bring your own container or palm it.

Oh, gotcha. Mike takes off his hat. Let's go to the Chili truck. Chili! Ch ch ch ch chili! We

flash forward to the lawn. We're walking across it with Our chili, I've got a bowl, Mike's got a napkin. So, so Mike,

like, you're serious, George and Jeb? They were both here, and Jeb was like in my, in blackface.

What? Even Jeb wouldn't do that.

That's what I thought, that's what I thought, but he walked in and he was all like, I'm Obama, please clap, and it was, it was, it was insane, it was great, he had to be there.

Hey, what's going on? What's going on over here? What is, what's all these sirens and flashing lights? What is this? I don't know. Mike, isn't that your professor? Isn't that your French professor? Oh, yeah. That's the, yeah. I swear to God, I'm gonna shoot his fucking head off. I don't care. I sold my shit to Disney. I don't give a fuck anymore. I have nothing to live for. What

about, what about Star Wars 10?

I'm not involved. They told me to stop coming by. JJ won't return my calls ever since I called him Jar Jar. On accident, it was a Freudian slip.

George, George, George, we got, we got, uh,

we got something very special for you. Isn't that, that's funny! Jar Jar Abrams! That's funny!

Father Peter gets it.

I can be funny! Look at the, look at the Ewoks! I'm funny! Ewoks! Hilarious! What, what

Ewok suck. The Ewoks were not good.

The fuck are you talking about? Who, what, what? You said someone's here to speak to me.

Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's the president of Disney himself. It's, it's

Bob Iger.

Tim. Oh, I was gonna say Tim Cook. Yeah. It's Bob Iger.

It's Tim Cook. Tim Cook.

And Tim Cook. And Bob Iker are both here. Here you go. Hi, I'm Tim Cook. George, George, it's Bob. Uh, listen, I, I know that you are, you are scared and you are, we don't want you to shoot Hayden Christensen because he pulled well with the fans. You can

shoot someone else. That's fine. But Hayden's gotta go. Bob. Bob. How did I

pull with the fans, Bob?

Yeah, pretty shitty, actually. You didn't pull at all.

Well, you know what? If they don't want George, Then they're not gonna get Hayden either. I'm gonna take this guy out. I don't care. No,

don't do it. Don't you, don't you dare do

it. We hear a sniper. A sniper takes George out right in the temple. His head explodes. Uh, we pan up to the top of the book depository.

Pause. We zoom in on, on, uh, on George's.

We pan up to the book depository where we see Harrison Ford holding a sniper rifle and dressed as Indiana Jones.

Harrison Ford cocks his gun just like. Guess I'm out of that contract now, motherfucker.

Oh my god! Was that, Mike, was that George Lucas? Was George Lucas teaching your class?

I don't think so, he had a French accent.

Oh, okay, must just be a coincidence. Oh, it must be George, it must be George with an S on the end. You know how the French do. They love that

extra S.

Alright, well, what do you guys say we, uh, this is a nice little grassy knoll here, why don't we do the podcast right here?

Yeah, we should be far enough away where the sirens won't, uh, interfere with the podcast.

So what do you say we get down to it?

All right, pop it open.

Let's get to it, boys. All right, let's pop it open. Hey, welcome back to the Barone's Zone. We're talking Season 4, Episode 7 of Everybody Loves Raymond, Cousin Gerard. This is a legendary episode. This is the first appearance. Of Cousin Gerard, who's gonna appear on a bunch of episodes coming up. I don't know the exact amount. I guess I could find that out. Uh, what'd you guys think of this episode?

Uh, an absolute dream. I love this character. I love this actor. Uh, he's got the same, like, Ray isms going on. I think he was the perfect choice to kinda, uh, kinda hold this up to a mir hold Ray up to a mirror of himself. I liked that, uh, they kind of went a little bit meta with it at some point probably calling out some of the complaints about Rey the character they've heard over the years. Uh, I think it's really cool.

Fred Stoller, uh, who plays Gerard was on seven episodes. I just looked it up. Mike, what did you think?

I agree with Alex 100%. I think that, um, this episode was, it's iconic for a reason, hilarious all the way through. We've had a really good run of episodes recently. Um, before this was Sister, what was the one before The Sister? The Sister? Blanking. Uh,

Sex, uh, The Will. Sex talk, you bet, the can opener, boob job. Uh, yeah, a great run. I think all of the episodes in season four have been strong so far.

Very, very strong, yeah. Cousin Gerard was great. Um, it felt, I've kno I thought about this while we were watching this, and, um, there was a reference to, uh, something weird that Ray did with Gerard when he was seven, which we never find out what exactly it is. Yeah.

I wanted to bring that up.

Yeah. Um, but in that moment, yes, it was funny because haha, what weirdness could a seven year old possibly do? But also I thought, wow, this just, they just really just straight up do a very good job mocking. All aspects of family because we all have that weird cousin or otherwise are that weird cousin that we, uh, have, you know, that, you know, you hang out with them, not that you don't like them. They're still family.

one when you hear they're not coming. You're not too sad about it. Yeah,

exactly. So, yeah, I think that, like, I think everybody has that. If, even if it's not a cousin, you have some family member that is, that is like that or friend, I guess. But, um, but yeah, it's a fun dynamic. I liked this all the way through. Gerard, I forget you said his act, the actor's name. I just forgot it. What is Fred Stoller?

Fred Stoller does such

a great job. being the annoying, uh, uh, guy just playing it up. That scene in the basement, I felt agitated, uh, for Ray. It was, it was rough getting through it, but I mean, that's the sign of a good actor. So I, yeah, great, great episode all around.

Fred Stoller, by the way, is a prolific voice actor. Um, you know, very distinct voice in this episode. He's done tons of, uh, voice roles, he's been on tons of sitcoms, been on procedural dramas, kids shows. Uh, he was on Seinfeld, Friends, King of Queens, The Nanny, all in this time period. Like, the mid to late 90s were huge for him. Um, If you don't recognize the name, you recognize the voice.

My first thought, cross dressing, but even that doesn't make a ton of sense in that context because seven is still, I think that if it was beating up, it would be You're

very much a child. Yeah,

if you're, uh, if you're attacking someone, I feel like it would be more like, it wouldn't be like, hey, that was weird. You know, I've never had my nose broken and thought, what a strange experience. You know what I mean?

I don't know what it could possibly be though. Maybe like he made him eat a bug or something. Like that's possible. Yeah. What are other basement things? Drink from a drain pipe. I don't know.

Stick a Lego up your nose as far as you can.

Yeah. Like, oh my ego. Indeed. Yeah. I have no idea what it could be. But it's a, it's certainly a fascinating mystery. Okay. Um, so Ray is writing this book about baseball. Yeah. And he, Mike, he meant, a couple of players are mentioned, I think. Yes. Sandy Koufax, the Iron Whore himself, Lou Gehrig. Uh, you wanna give us any context here on the players that were mentioned? So, this

seems, this seems all over the map. As a baseball fan, like, I mean, Sure. Okay. This is opening paragraphs. You don't know what actually he's talking about, but Sandy Koufax is one of the greatest bass pitchers of all time. No, I believe the other person he mentions is Nolan Ryan. Also one of the greatest pitchers of all time. Um, they were both around the same era. So I was like, okay, maybe the books about pitchers in the, I want to say seventies. I could be wrong about that.

Hmm, uh, were they all New York players, is that? No,

only Lou Gehrig was. Nolan Ryan played a single, I think maybe two seasons for the Mets, um, but he's most famously remembered for his time with the Texas Rangers. Oh, why am I blanking on Sandy Koufax's team? Oh, I'm gonna look it up because it's gonna bother me, but my mind went to the Braves. Um, so I think he's so, so you,

you could not detect any overarching theme in the book other than baseball

other than some of the greatest baseball players, baseball,

Ray Barone's baseball, just an encyclopedic compendium. Exactly. Yes.

Oh, actually, actually, I stand corrected. I'm sorry. I should have known this. Um, he's most famous, uh, he's most famous for his time with the Dodgers, but he played. With the Dodgers before and during the transition from Brooklyn to LA. So I don't associate Sandy Koufax with. New York, but I guess he technically started his career in Brooklyn.

To your recollection, does this ever get revisited in the show, or are we led to believe Ray started writing a book and then immediately gave up?

I think this is just an association of what sports writers do, so we never have this as an overarching, like, big thing. To my knowledge, maybe there is an episode where they published the book.

I feel like I've heard of this, like, I remember this, like him writing a book and like, maybe he does get it published at some point because this sounds familiar.

I mean, I don't, I don't remember an episode where like Ray meets with his publisher, Ray goes to a book signing or Ray, you know, gets a box full of books delivered to the house. Otherwise. I don't remember any mention of this book ever coming up again. So, I think it would be in character for Ray to start this and then not continue it. It's a shame. I'd hate to see it.

Yeah, especially because I would read a Ray Romano book. That's just me. Not a Ray

Romano book. Ray Barone's Baseball.

A Ray Barone book. A Ray Barone's Baseball book.

Uh, uh, highlighter fumes. Have you? Uh, that has never, oh God. Oh, that's, so, I've never like pointedly sniffed a highlighter, but I don't have any experience of getting through high. I thought that was kind of funny. Crude high highlighter. Yeah. Uh, well, you know, I'm straight edge . Mike: I have, I have sniffed highlighters obviously. Um, I don't know if you can tell by my every vibe about me, but, um. Uh, but I don't think I've ever actively gotten high off of them.

Bro, they're called highlighters,

man. Bro. Um, Gerard seems to, it really throws him. It's like he's, you know, immediately.

Yeah, well, I think that that was just kind of, I mean, I had, I'm allergic to everything in existence kind of character being, you think he

has a particular reaction to the highlighter. Um, Ray, I noticed, has a Chicken Soup for the Soul mug on his desk. Are you familiar with Chicken Soup for the Soul?

I've heard of it. I don't think I've ever I know it's a book, right? I'm

not. I'm familiar

with Yeah, it's like a self help book. Um, my mom had it, I think, when I was a child. So, interesting that Ray would have that. Sure, it's like a Debra thing though.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe it's a Debra's that feels up Debra's alley. Yeah,

is the iron whore a good name? Nickname for a baseball player.

So the iron horse because he's he was he never stopped playing. Um, I would absolutely 110 percent root for a player called the iron whore.

Yeah So would I it speaks to like a

That would be what gets Alex into baseball. They got iron horns? That would be.

Honestly, it takes nothing, like, anything less than that is not enough. It sounds like you've gotta join

the league, Alex.

We've had many criminal investigations in baseball. There have been some terrible, terrible crime sting operations. Alex is just like You know what? They're not showing enough skin. You gotta get some iron. You gotta get some voice.

Oh, Mike, you should design a sexy baseball uniform for the MLB. Like, what would that look like?

Um, exclusive. I'll tell you exactly what it would look like. It would look like Mr. Meth. That's the sexiest person, uh, mascot in existence.

Alright. Asked and answered, um. Asked

and answered. Oh my god, I love it. Uh,

the audience overreacts to Debra telling Ray that he is a much better kisser than Gerard, in my opinion. They treat it like a real smackdown line when really it's just kind of like a regular laugh line in my book. Yeah, it's nothing. It's funny. It's a good joke, but they're like, oh Shit, fuck she wrecked him.

It's over. He's done for

Yeah, I got flash ahead There's a subtle joke that when Ray revisits the basement after the meeting with his parents after Uh, when, when he goes down, when Gerard goes down there for the second time, just before basically Gerard rage quits and walks out, he's playing the accordion, he's playing Smoke on the Water on the accordion, and just the iconic bass line, like, uh, just, that's it, over and over again, there's a small writing on the accordion that

that. Uh, that is great. Uh, Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple. If you want to know the name of a second Deep Purple song, just a quick fun fact, if you want to know the name of a second Deep Purple song to whip out during, um, conversations about Smoke on the Water, Space Truckin That's space truck and more like space fucking.

Is that a good song or are you just giving me more, uh, giving me more trivia? It's

okay. It's no, it's not iconic like Smoke on the Water is that it would show up in an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. I don't know how it did on the charts, but it's, uh, I have heard it before. Do you think Fred Stoller did his own accordion playing in that scene?

Yes. I do. I think that he has a Weird Al vibe to him. He definitely knows how to play the

accordion. Weird Al vibe. Pretty narrow vibe, accordion.

Yeah. Uh, I also wanted to just point out, um, as much as, as funny as it was to have all of his family members just rag on him for being annoying, let's be, let's be real about it. Rey is not as bad as Gerard. He's nowhere near as, as irksome as Maybe it's

just cause we're used to him, Mike.

I can't believe that. I can't believe that. I think that if any human being were to tune into this episode, they'd be like, Oh, Gerard sucks. Rey isn't that bad.

They are so mean to Gerard. After he leaves the room to deal with his incontinence. They are horrible to him. Yeah, who could just be that mean to someone who's just that

pathetic?

Who could just make fun of somebody week after week who's just doing their best and really is a valuable member of the team. I mean family, um, podcast. I mean family, um. But yeah, they're really tearing into him, and then I don't think they give Ray as hard a time Um, as they do Gerard. It seems like the main difference between Ray and Gerard is Gerard has actual medical problems, or he's a hypochondriac Um, and Ray is just, uh You know, a complainer.

Alex, did you have something? I'm sorry, I felt like I cut you off at one point.

No, I mean, you probably did. Uh, there was not too much else I wanted to cover.

Yeah, Robert says he has to pull the world, even though

Debra already

literally

told him. Good, uh, that was a great, uh, way of saying that.

Uh, he says, we were just having a conversation, when Gerard comes in and, like, derails it, we were just having a conversation about something else, but sure, we can stop and address your concerns, Gerard. He looks to Ray. That is, in a nutshell, the entire dynamic. I also wanted to That was a great scene for Robert.

Oh, it was a fina All around great. I loved the, the pause immediately. Hidden Gray's like, Yeah, the synchronized pause. Everybody just dead stops. The, ah, such a great, such a great moment. Um, yeah.

Yeah, that made me laugh. The, uh, back

on the hooks line also gets me every time I watch this episode. Um, that's another really fun one. Mm hmm. Uh. Back on the hooks. Yep. Alright everybody, back on the hooks. Uh, the other one that I really quite, the other moment that I really quite enjoyed, it's the hot clothes. I know I'm bouncing all around, I'm sorry, but to call out the hot clothes for a second. That's fine. Yeah, that's fine. Where Ray comes back with notes for everybody, like a fucking psychopath, by the way.

But

he, he has the notes and all that. He goes. To Robert, and just starts rattling off all the things that are weird. Robert, the king of self confidence, just being like, What do you call it when you tap your, tap the food to your chin? And he's just like, great. I'm like, just, amazing. If I was famous,

everyone would be doing it. Um, yeah, he has rebuttals for everything. Being over at Marie and Frank's all the time. Being a devoted son, touching his chin, quirky, his feet smell, laughs at Ray, you're grasping. And then,

That was, that made me laugh.

And then he stands up to defend his, uh, wife. Or his girlfriend.

Yeah. Ray says his laugh is annoying. Robert says Amy thinks it's cute. Ray says she's annoying too. And Robert immediately jumps up ready to beat the shit out of him. Ray scampers away. That made me laugh. That was fun. Yeah, that was good.

So, so we think that if Ray stays, Robert knocks his teeth out, right? Like we're all in agreement, like that would genuinely come to blows. At

the very least, he gives him a shove.

He yells at him at least, but yeah, it could easily get physical. Um, right, but yeah, it is insane that Ray comes up with, goes home, simmers about them agreeing with him that he is annoying, and then makes a list of the ways that each of them are annoying. And that annoys them with it. Crazy, yeah. Um, in the scene with Gerard, uh, where Ray is trying to work on him, um, oh, I thought this was a good Debra episode as well. Like, Debra's portrayal in this was very popular. P positive.

Excellent

work. But Ger The cap on that scene of Gerard telling Rey to knock it off, You're really annoying. And like, the look on Rey's face. Yeah. Probably one of the funniest things I've seen all season. Yeah, that was hilarious. Just, and for how long it went on too, hilarious.

This is, this is such a like a self fulfilling prophecy thing. That's just like, it's so good.

I also did love the, um, that back and forth where Ray's trying to fix Gerard is also just so brilliant. It's just like the, Hey, do you notice how like that sound can be annoying? Yeah, I guess. What's your point? Um, uh, and, and also the make eye contact and then he grabs the shin to the. You said I wouldn't have to do anything weird, just such a big weird.

Yeah, yeah, maybe that's what they had to do when they were seven. Yeah, yeah. Maybe they looked each other in the eye and didn't like it.

And Gerard's just been avoiding eye contact with everyone ever since. Um, yeah, no, just a really great episode overall. There's one more thing that made me laugh way back in the first Gerard scene, um, where, uh, Gerard leaves after, um, I can't remember how Ray got rid of him, but Gerard leaves, Ray is frustrated, and he grabs the highlighter, pops the cap off, and takes a whiff of it. Um, just out of complete frustration. That also made me

laugh. That's a great little joke. Absolutely.

Okay! Let's, uh, turn our attention to the classic barometer. That is our rating scale on which we rate Ray's performance as husband, brother, son, father, cousin, uh, author. Uh, with ten being the great dads of sitcom history, Danny Tanner, Uncle Phil, Carl Winslow, uh, and one being the bad men of television, Don Draper, Walter White, men who actively harm their families. Alex, where is Ray coming in for you today?

Oh my god, Ray! This is like, I, I, like, I feel like this is the most classic Ray I've ever seen. Like if I, if anyone ever came to me and asked me what, describe Ray Barone to me in one episode, I would show them this episode. Like he's got like the huge insecurities. Um. I, of course, I don't think Ray is as annoying as Gerard. Uh, I don't think he's as needy as Gerard. He might be if he didn't have Debra and the kids. Uh, we don't know what he was like before then, really.

Oof,

alright, Mike?

Yeah, he's also getting low from me. Um, I, I agree with Alex in basically all of that. This is entirely self caused, entirely self sabotage. Um, his reaction is very immature, all that stuff. The only he, I, I also actually don't know if I agree that the only person he hurt was himself. I think he also Burned a bridge between Marie and her sister. Have we seen the sister before?

We saw, I don't know what her relation to Aunt Alda was, and I wish I was Gus. She was, she had, she was feuding with some relation in that, I don't know if it was her sister or not. I'd have to look back and find that out. But, I don't think so. I don't think we know, um, Jirard's mom specifically. Gotcha.

Well, I think that he also, so yeah, he hurt people, he, well, he hurts himself more than anyone else, but still, he was annoying, he was insecure, blah blah blah, all that. I'm gonna give him 3. 1. 3. 1. Go give him

3. 1. Wow, specific.

Yeah, gotta get away from the fives. Make some other numbers happen here. How about you Adam, what you thought?

Well, Anne Alda, just to clean this, clear this up, Anne Alda is Marie's sister. However, uh, She does not, according to the Everybody Loves Raymond wiki, does not appear to be Gerard's mother. So Marie must have multiple sisters. Gotcha. Uh, is the only conclusion we can draw. Okay, you said 3. 1? Mm hmm. Okay, I'm sort of in the same ballpark as you guys, Ray Barone's ballpark, which would be a good name for his book.

locks, locks us in. Got a lot

of odd numbers.

Yeah. Locks us in for this week at a 3. 1.

All right. Uh, sounds right to me, I think. I agree. 3. 1. Okay. Uh, on that note then, I guess there's not much else to do, right fellas? Uh, the, it looks like some storm clouds are. Gathering above us and we should probably get the equipment inside. Yeah, yeah, let's keep going. Um, cause it's only, I think it's rated to be submerged up to six inches. Yeah. So, you know, with climate change, this is gonna get a lot more rainfall than that. Uh, you know what I'm saying?

just the Baroness zonus. If you want to keep listening to your boys one extra time a month, uh, hit up our website, postfund. org, uh, and, uh, give us some money. It's just a one time payment. Whatever you want could be a dollar. Could be 1, 000, could be 10, 000, 000. Help us retire early.

Wow, that would be awesome. If you really like this show and want us to, or if you really hate this show and want us to stop doing it. You donate 1, We will get

these nine seasons done in like a year. If you

give us 10, 000, 000. Yeah, if you want us to, tell us what you want to do because the incentive is there both ways.

Wait, hold on. I got it. I got the greatest incentive. If you pay us 10 million, we'll say your name at the end of this podcast.

Oh my God. Yeah. That's so postfund. org slash donate, pay what you want. And I think you'll want to pay quite a bit folks. Uh, and Postfund. org slash Raymond is where all of those are. Okay, well from all of us here at the Barone Zone, I guess there's only one last thing to say, right fellas?

Absolutely.

Everybody

loves

Raymond

and we love

you Okay, uh, head right on in, uh, sister. Thank you so much for your service, by the way. Big guy, huge fan of your work. Thank you so much. Okay.

Hello, it's good to see ya. I'm finally here. I'm President Jimmy Carter.

Uh, just hold on, sir. Last name? You said Carter? Is that with a C or a K?

President, that's with a C. And I got the, I got the word that I'm going to heaven, it's part of the presidential deal.

Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. So you've got a, you've got an asterisk next to your name here, let me just call up, uh, I didn't do nothing wrong. Yeah, Carter, it's Carter. Okay. Yeah, so it's, it sounds like,

is it about Iran ? Adam: No, that's been cleaned up. That's been cleared up. You're fine. Oh, okay. Everyone knows it wasn't your fault. We all know nobody blames you. Alright. No, it's all on the Ayatollah. Believe me, he is not here. . That would be crazy. Oh good. I don't like that guy.

No, I know, I know. And the big man does not hold it against you. The thing is you're, if you wanna come into Heaven, Jimmy. You gotta give up that peanut farm. Again?

What's the problem with the damn peanut farm? I didn't do nothing to you people! It's a conflict of interest, Jimmy. No, it's not! You gotta be

kidding

me! It's a conflict of interest. It's a conflict of interest. You gotta be kidding me! I better be peanuts in heaven! I'm sorry. I swear you gotta supply them sometime!