Good morning students and faculty of Lynbrook University. As you know, I, each week, you're required to watch an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. This week's episode is season four, episode eight, uh, Debra's Workout. It's the one where Debra's been, uh, very, uh, amorous with Ray, and Ray doesn't know why. He, he later learns that her desire occurs after her workout. So he goes to the gym and tries to see the guy and joins the class and then wrecks it. It's a great one.
You should really check it out. Yeah, we, we recommend watching that show as soon as possible so you can prepare for what you are about to see. Uh, and you know, just an ongoing reminder. If, uh, you guys could just avoid the science hallway until the HVAC team comes in and clears out the creation, that would be really appreciated.
The HVAC team? Not the hazmat team?
Alright, students. Before we dismiss you for the end of the day, I'd like to return to you your exams from last week. Uh, most of you, pretty, pretty shit job, honestly. I expect at least 65s. Most of these are 64s. Oh, that's Uh Professor?
Professor.
Couple people did
a what? How many questions were there? Because, depending on the number of questions, we can't possibly have, have gotten 65s just from division. I know this is a math class. I figured, you know, you would have worked, if that was your target, you would have worked it out so that we, we would all get it. 65 if we got x number of qu I'm just saying. Dammit
Keith, there are a hundred questions. Shit, I missed You need to get 65 right. You better give me
back my test because I think I only did the first page, professor. I'm so sorry. I thought there were only 13 questions, my bad.
Damn, well, somehow you got a 75, so that's actually pretty Well, still, goddammit Keith. Regardless, all right, let me just, uh, yeah, there you go. Trash, trash, trash, trash. Sorry, question,
professor. How are we supposed to know what we individually got other than me? Of course, if you're putting the failing tests in the trash instead of handing them to us.
Oh no, this is my lunch. Trash. Trash. I'm throwing I'm throwing out, uh, my extra skittles one at a time.
Doc, I'd really
like to know my score. Professor, professor, can you not use the stack of tests to sort of make a little slide for the skittles to go down? I'm just worried, you know, the HVAC Team has not been attending to, to this building so much with what's going on in the science hall. So I was just, you know, with the heat and everything, whoever's on top of the stack, you know, they're going to have to taste the rainbow if they want to find out what they got on the test. It's going to be streaks.
And that's one week detention. Oh, come on, man.
All right, here we go. All right. Here's what yours back is. Yours is yours. Uh, Mike. Yeah! Pretty, uh, pretty good job, sport. Keep up the good work. I, holy shit! Uh, let's see. You did okay, you did okay.
Aw, damn, I got the Skittles one. At least this is better than the time you, you had all those Hershey kisses. What'd you get, Zach? I got an 84. That's I missed 26 questions.
That's pretty fucking good, actually. Give
it It's okay, my You know I'm here on a genius scholarship, so this is gonna be wreck my 4 0. I got
a I got a 100. I got a perfect score. I got all of them right.
What? You got a hundred? I mean, sorry, you got a hundred?
Yeah.
I don't want to insult you with my emphasis there, but
You you you already did, so, you know, the damage is kind of done already, but I Still, I Holy shit! I didn't study for this at all!
And didn't you get a 15 on the last test? I did get a 15
on the last test, yeah. Alright, so, enough with the peanut gallery talk, uh, We'll meet up in two days for our next class, where we will discuss the Pythagorean Theorem, because apparently, A lot of you still don't understand that 10th grade thingam. Uh, oh, and Mike, uh, stay with me for an extra minute after everyone leaves.
I mean, okay.
Okay. Hey Mike, you wanna quick lick of the skittles before I, you wanna lick the skit before I, uh, hop? I don't, I don't. Go on. Man, nobody licks the skit like you, Mike. You're, you're a cool guy. Alright.
They call me the skit master.
Damn, do girls know you lick skit that well?
Doc, I really don't think that's an appropriate question for you to ask me.
Believe me, Doc, it doesn't transfer. Get the fuck out of here.
Zach, I don't know you like that.
I just know what I've heard. Look, I gotta go. I gotta get to my next class.
Doc, I know what you're thinking. He hasn't heard anything. I've never slept with a woman. What's your question?
Uh, Mike, I know. Uh, my question, well, what I wanted to say is, well, I wanted to congratulate you in private because, uh, you're the, not only are you the only person to, uh, get a 100 on this test, uh, in this class, you're the only person to ever do it. Uh, I make this test intentionally very difficult and I'm, I'm impressed with your skill.
I see that you put it as the D's all the way down, which that, that was, that was the. It's a tricky, tricky method there, sir.
Uh, well, regardless, uh, you know, I, I think you did great. I just want you to keep up the good work. Uh, plenty of kids in there, in this room, who definitely need more help. If, uh, if, you know, you could help out, uh, some other kids if they have any questions, that'd be great. You
want me to,
you want me to help them?
I've always been the kid to like, you know, get, get the help. I've never, never been asked to tutor before, this is, this is an honor.
Hey, unless you just filled in a bunch of D's randomly, which I don't think you did. No. You got it. Ah, shit, I'm late. Uh, hey, I gotta run. I will, uh, see you in class on Wednesday. Good job, sport. Go celebrate. Yeah, I will, I will, I will. As the professor runs out the door, Um, who we did not give a name, Uh, a pamphlet falls from his bag.
Oh, hey, hey, doc, you, uh, you dropped this. The hell's this? Huh. Mike looks at the, uh, at the pamphlet. We get an over the shoulder look of a dramatic camera going up his hair over Zooms in on the pamphlet. It's a, uh, it's a pamphlet with a very, very, very muscular man, shredded to all holy hell, clearly oiled up, uh, and, and on a, on a pump and everything. And Mike's like, wow, this guy's good looking. Nick Bronson? He's got an aerobics class here?
The camera continues to zoom into Nick Bronson's brochure until it becomes three dimensional and we pass through the brochure into Nick Bronson's, uh, aerobic studio at the gym.
That's a really good
transition. Thank you. But specifically, we transition From the paper abs to the actual abs and then zoom out.
What? Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. We zoom all the way in and it stays really blurry and, and matte and kind of like crinkly and then it fades into his. Washboard abs, and zooms out from there into the aerobic studio where he's leading a class, uh, that includes Adam and Alex. Come on, work it folks, around the world, let's go, come on! Get up there! Get up! Shit. Alex, this is going a lot I should not have worn all this suede. This is fucking crazy.
I didn't think it was gonna be this Hey Adam, no suede, no gain. I do wash my suede jacket in gain, so. That resonates with me. Clever bitch. They really gotta fix the air conditioning in this fucking
gym though. It's so hot. I know, it's so Oh, I was definitely gonna say hot, it's not cold.
I am so still so suspicious about whether or not you are cold blooded Alex, but shit we're doing these Stairsteps that's
always been a thing with me. I like going up, but my favorite part is going back down. That's right. It's You know gravity, you know, I'm alright
sides to sides
Lout first! Ow! Oh,
fuck. Oh, sorry, man. Sorry. God. Ow! This class is so popular, there's no room to make mistakes!
Yeah, if there's one more person in here, I feel that we're gonna have too many people. Door
bursts open from the back.
Hey, everybody!
Hey, hey, come on in, come on. We're like 15 minutes into the class already. Come on, we gotta keep moving. Get that heart rate up and hop right in, professor. Good to see you again.
The professor rips off his tear away pants. He forgot to put on shorts, but he's just gotta pretend he meant to, he meant to do that. He's just going for it. Luckily Still got the jacket on top.
Yeah, just tearaway pants, not He is wearing a full classic professor sweater vest with the suit and patches on the elbows over it. Absolute elbow patches, I was gonna say. Tweed. Um. And glasses, and thick white beard, and now we're all picturing the man. Uh, and yeah, he tears away his pants, luckily his briefs are very aerodynamic and breathable, so he's ready for everything. Argyle socks that go up to mid calf, not so much.
Loafer's not so, uh, attuned to this task, but he's ready, and he is, he comes in taking the class by storm. We see a montage of him doing all the moves on the little stool step. He, you know, gets up, holds himself up on one hand like a breakdancing move. Does all these cool, like, spins and flips. Uh, he's, you know, helping other people with their form as he's doing incredible things with his lower body. He's really giving Nick Bronson a run for his money.
Ha ha ha! Ha ha!
Whoa!
I feel excellent.
Professor, slow down! Slow just focus on doing the doing the moves. We don't want to tire her out too fast, you know? I know you're You're been coming here for a while. You really got it down, but you know, we got some beginners in here. So just, just slow it down. Take it easy. We're transitioning to a lower BPM here on the, on the boom box folks. Here we go. All right. Just cooling down, cooling down. This has been a great class. You all been doing such a great job.
I'm so proud of you, and just to see the men and women that you've become over this 15 minutes has been just incredible. I I really am so proud of you. And As as Nick The kid in the
front row breaks down in tears. As as Nick Bronson is talking, we slowly pan past everyone actively listening to one of the back windows, and we just see, uh, a concerned Mike trying to peer in through the window. How
the what the did he just How do you not bring shorts? Th th that doesn't make any sense. How does this This professor's breaking all sorts of regulations here. I don't I don't understand it.
Um, sir, you We have a pretty we have a pretty strict No, uh, creepily staring through the window policy at the gym, so. Oh, I'm
not, I'm not, I'm not creepily staring through the window, I'm, I'm seductively You're sweating pretty
hard, you're sweating pretty hard, sir. Yeah, it's,
it's, it's hot as all hell, there's no, the, the, the air conditioning is not working in here.
Look, they're busy in the science hall. We've called, we've put in so many maintenance requests. Yeah, we're doing our best. We put up the fans. We got a box fan right there. Go stand in front of it. Cool yourself off. Stop staring at the aerobics class, dude.
If I can't, I, uh, dude, I,
I, I, Don't, dude, stop trying to relate to me by also calling me dude. What's your name? My name is Tyrone, and I
What's your last name, Tyrone?
My name is Tyrone Barbells Johnson. My nickname is Barbells because as you can see I only do arms.
Yeah, no, I can, I can tell you got a real Dorito look, uh, body look going on here. Um.
I think of it more as like, um, the space shuttle. You know how the space shuttle has the big things on the sides but it's kind of thin in the middle? Yeah, that's what I'm going for. You don't work out abs or legs. I wanted my nickname to be Space Shuttle, but it did not catch on. And, you know, the critical thinking skills in this gym gets a lot of meatheads in it. Pretty much just, you know, first thought, best thought with those guys.
And they saw me on the barbells, they said, we're gonna call you barbells. Anyway, you gotta step away from the window.
As barbells is talking, a little kid sneaks up behind him. And pushes him, uh, so that he starts turtle shelling on his back. Hey, hey, good luck getting up now, barbells. He uses
his massive arms to sort of, like, lever himself up from the floor, sort of like that Boston Dynamics robot dog does. And, uh, puts himself back onto, sort of, steady footing. That keeps happening, and it's the more I, the more time I spend here talking to you, the more time I'm not keeping a constant eye out for the, you know, roving bands of children that come in this gym to use the trampoline pit. We got a trampoline pit with the, you know, the foam cubes in it, you know, dude.
I've seen you in there, right? You, you
You
hide in there when you're upset, right? You crawl into, you crawl into the foam cubes and sort of have like little like sensory breakdown or something.
Yeah. Yeah. You, you could say I frequent the pit. Um, that, uh, that, that, that's a, that's an accurate statement.
Um, yeah. So you're gonna have to step a away from the window. Um, you know,
Bargo, I got a question for you.
Um, can we, can I, can you ask me that over here, away from, you know, where people are? Yeah, working out and on display. I personally, I was against installing the picture window into the aerobics room. You know, at the rear, so it's all, you know, ass.
Yeah, yeah, no, I'm aware it's a weird setup. I
was overruled. And it shouldn't, honestly, it shouldn't be one way glass. I find that sort of problematic. That they can't see. I'm trying to unionize the gym, okay? Don't tell anyone, because, you know, we haven't gone through all the procedural steps yet, but I am passing around union cards to the other employees at the gym.
Do you, do you work at the gym? That was never established. I thought you were just the guy that came here.
I think I mentioned making maintenance requests about the air conditioning. Uh, which it would be strange for me to do if I didn't work here. That's real Karen behavior, I feel.
I suppose so. I suppose so. Also,
don't be careful, uh, if you're going to go and use the elliptical. You know, Karen, because of her wide stance, does need all three of the ones that she's straddling, so. Yeah, I
see that. It's, it's actually quite impressive that she's, that she's making it work. She's got like. She, her, her arm, she's not really touching the, uh, the, the pedals at all. Her arms are just wrapped around the, or her, her legs are just wrapped around the arm swinging parts.
She, ever since she won the Guinness world record for riding the world's widest horse. It's been difficult for her to fit on to the standard machine. Right. So as you can imagine What did you want to ask me? Come here. Okay, let's go to the smoothie bar. Let's go to the you're moving me
around a lot here All right
And yes that we're only serving lukewarm smoothies right now just because of you know The air conditioning. The situation. They're, they, they, the ingredients are cold. The ingredients are cold and well preserved. The moment they get pulled out of the refrigerator, though, the humidity hits and they are, you know, room temp. For sure. So if you're fine with drinking warm yogurt, we can whip you up something. Fantastic. Great, yeah, I'll get it, yeah.
And the problem with the humidity is the, the whey is not dissolving, so it, there is some grit.
You know, Barbell, I don't know if you have the wisdom I'm looking for here, I'm gonna be honest with you. Well, just ask me the question. Are you sure? Yeah, sure. Okay. I was going to say. You know, you know the, you know, doc, the, the, the math professor that just, that just popped in?
Yeah. Yeah. I, I'm in one of his, uh, advanced calculus classes. You know, this is work study for me. I'm not a full Yeah, full-time gym employee, but I understand. Yes, I do know Hinton.
Uh, okay. He's a pretty tough grader, wouldn't you say?
Oh yeah, I am scraping by in that class. Luckily, you know, all of the tests and quizzes are 100 questions, so I know exactly where I stand. But I mean, I'm getting 70s, 69s, which, I mean, is nice, but 68, 67, not so much. Dude, check this out. Eking, yeah?
Mike takes out the paper. The, his, his test paper. 100?!
On one of Doc's quizzes? Yeah.
Shit,
this is hard stuff. This is Pythagorean.
Barbos, look at me in the eyes. Look at me in the eyes. I'm looking. Look deep into my eyes. Yeah. Is there any, like, iota of intelligence behind these
eyes? I don't like to To, to, you know, make sweeping generalizations of people. I'm sure you're really good. I'm sure you're really good at like, you know. I will push
you over if I don't get a straight answer from you.
No, I mean, obviously not. You're not good at math, clearly. I mean, everything about you just screams that you don't know how to add. And that if I need to tip at a restaurant, I Certainly shouldn't turn to you.
Okay. That's what I thought. I was going to say like,
but, but I was going to say, it looks like, you know, you might be like, you might have the kind of intelligence where you're like good at judging distances or identifying colors that go well together.
That's called spatial intelligence. You walk. Thank you. Hey, hey, Greg.
Greg is, uh, Greg comes in and provides sort of motivation to some of our less motivated, uh, athletes that come in here. Just calling out nice things about them, you know, their eyes, which obviously when you came in, he did not do. Um, you know, that sort of thing. This is a very positive
gist. I don't think Greg said a single nice thing to me, actually, as I walked in here. We
cut back to, um, Mike walking into the gym 15 minutes ago.
Uh, before Mike walks in, there's like a few other people before him, like, Hi, nice to see you. Oh, you have such beautiful eyes. Oh, Oh, what a lovely, lovely hairdo. Oh, thank you. Hey, hey,
Greg. Alright.
Mr. Jameson, come in. Can I get your coat?
Oh, of course, Greg. You are always so kind. Hey, what do you think of my mustache? Curled it special for you.
Oh, my goodness. I died and went to hairy heaven. Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Uh, no, I
mean, uh, I'm sure he was just, you know, turned around. He was looking at something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just a Positive workspace, positive workspace.
Partial, partial eclipse today. So I think he was probably distracted by that.
Yeah, yeah. So, here's the thing. Doc isn't a friendly guy, but I notice he's smiling in that aerobics class right there. Oh yeah.
I've been in there wiping up, uh, while that class is going on, and he has, I've never seen as happy or virile a man as him when he tears his tearaway pants off and works out in his suit. Incredible.
Does he often just go full Pooh Bear during his workouts? Because he's doing that today.
He's got briefs. It's got briefs. He's got like, mesh briefs.
Okay.
I mean, yeah, you can see. It's a mesh, that's the problem. It's a wide mesh, but it's there. He has the support, and that's what's important in aerobics. Right, right. Um. And I mean, the support is not substantial. But it keeps things roughly in place. I mean, there is dangling.
I, I don't know why you're saying so much. I was, I was trying to pay very close attention to the situation before you rudely gave me warm yogurt. So, I think that, I think this is Well, I'm gonna
take it back if you don't want it. Jesus Christ. I don't, I want it. I want it. No, no, no. I'm gonna take it back. I'm gonna leave it on the counter here for the next person. I'm not done.
That's gonna, it's gonna curdle. It's gonna be bad.
I'll give it to you then.
Give me my yogurt.
What's in it for me? Will you sign this union card?
They don't work for your establishment. They don't
need to know that. Come on, help me. Help me form an illegal union. Come on. And then I'll give you your warm yogurt. This is a classic prit quid pro yo.
I'll help seize the means of production. That's fine. Fuck Alex. That
was the best workout I've had. Uh, maybe in my entire life, I've never felt so fit.
Top three for me. Definitely.
I would love to hear about the other two later. Hey, is that Mike?
Oh, sure. No story time for Alex. Oh, Hey, it is Mike.
Hey, Mike, what's up? What do you do? I thought you don't exercise. What are you doing here?
Yeah, no, I am adamantly. I think that God intended the sweat to stay in our bodies That's why all the liquid the blood everything should stay inside at all times I think you're missing a big one. I think you're missing a big one there. Oh, no, I'm a major one. I'm aware also come that's why I Is that how you were
going for it? Is that how you were going for it? Tears?
Oh, ps
Yeah, that's right. No, I, that's why my, I have, I, I'm participating in no piss January, so
Wow. Still
It's April. Yeah. No, I think that I'll just, I'm just going strong here.
If, if I go back to the dorm room and I can't find my cork again, I'm gonna be pissed. won't, no pun, pun
intended. You won't be, and I'll tell you why. But that's, that's a different, come on man.
That's different. Every January you ruin all of my wines. What's up with that?
Yeah, I got it. It's it's listen, I, I, I respect your traditions. You got to respect mine.
I mean, I go out and I buy the big gallon jug of wine with its gigantic cork. So also
we're going to, we're going to step back for a second. I really don't think wine should be presented in gallons. That's another moral line in the sand for me. I I've been overlooking it for a while, but that's, it's kind of what I call
it. You might have a problem with the bottle. You clearly don't have a problem with the cork. No, according to the call. The call I received from your urologist about you refusing to remove it. Refusing to remove it at the end, on January 31st.
Yeah, that's um, gotta remove you as my emergency contact. Uh, yeah. Yeah. So what's, what are you
doing here? Yeah, what, uh, you don't work out.
No, I don't, no, I actively, I actively refuse to. Um, no, so, you see, you see that guy right there with, with the dick hanging out? Technically not hanging out, technically it's mesh based. It's not hanging
out, that's, I mean it's a wide mesh, but it's there, it's support. It's firmly packed. Yeah. Firmly packed is a great way to describe it. What about him? He's been coming to all the classes. We've seen him.
What? That's my professor. That's your professor. Yeah.
Oh, okay. I thought, but you're failing math, right? No. I heard you crying about it in the Not in the I, I could have sworn I was walking past the trampoline pit and I heard you, you crying Adam,
you will never, you will never, ever, ever find me partaking in sinful, in sinful crying in the ball pit ever again, because look at this. Look at this. Look at this grade. Look at this fucking grade right here.
That's a mistake? That like, line next to your zeroes is like an errant mark? No. A 100. You got a 100 on a math test.
Yeah, and I know enough math to know that's pretty good. Right, but there are there are
triangles on here and you can barely I asked you to like subtract What how many of us would be on the podcast if Alex left and you couldn't do that? It's gotta be seven, right?
I'm aware. It's Something like that. Uh, yeah, I I'm also not super like sure how this happened or why this happened I mean here's so here's my thought
here's
my thought
as he was
leaving
this fell out of his mesh pocket Right, that's our instructor. That's Nick Bronson. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you see open it up. What do you see inside? Is he a hot guy? A lot of hearts, right? A lot of hearts.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, there's all the different photos of Nick Bronson, various muscly poses, and yeah Yeah, there are hearts around them. Are you sure that, I mean, that's the design of the brochure though, right? Or no? I
think, no, I think the reason why he gave me a 100 is because he Wants to fuck Nick Bronson
Let me see that
I yeah, there you go, I don't know if those dots connect Mike Oh, no, I mean on
the on the back. It does Get a load of that drawing Alex. I like a load. Oh he did
you do under you do understand like the like The separation of logic here, right? Like he wants to fuck Nick Bronson sho. Yeah. Whatever everybody does. How does , how does, how does him giving you a hundred on your test get him closer to that? Is
he goal, he, is he like giving everyone on the test hundreds? Like no. Or is it just you? No,
just me. But like, why? I don't like Do you think maybe it just earned it?
Yeah, I mean it sort of seems like you, you must have earned it because if, if he's not giving it to everyone Then he must not be, I'm making a leap in logic myself that he's so horny that he wants to give everyone hundreds But it seems like, I mean, it's just you man, like, it might just be you.
I, I, I don't, okay All right, listen If you disagree with me that strongly, then Adam, you can walk away, and Alex and I can do this, just the 12 of us.
Mike, that's a good callback to earlier, but I really, Alex and I are actually going out for hot yogurt. Uh, I'm sorry, I misspoke, hot yoga, but actually, hot yogurt sounds pretty good. Alex, do you want to go to the smoothie bar?
Uh, yeah, sure. Hot yogurt can wait.
All right, Mike, good luck with your, uh, side quest or whatever this is. I mean, I could enjoy it.
I could go for, I could go for a steamy gurt, but okay.
Bye! Congrats on the 100. Yeah, congrats. Hopefully it wasn't a derived plot by your professor to fuck a much younger man. Again. Again.
Thanks for
your support, guys. Uh, Mike, he arrives at the dorm building, um, Oh, hold the door. Hold the door there.
Oh, well, hey, oh, hello.
Hey, thanks. Hey, uh, Nick Bronson. Nice to meet you. I'm just, uh, meeting, meeting someone here. Um,
oh, Nick, I, uh, hi, I'm, I'm Mike. Nice to meet you. I'm Mike I, um, I, I'm sorry. I'm a little bit starstruck. I see you all the time at the gym doing the aerobics class and, uh, you, you, you seem to do such a great job. I, uh, just wanted to say, yeah, yeah, never gone to it, never gone to it, but I've, uh, I, I haven't
seen you and I normally leave through the back. So I'm not sure how you were able to see me at the aerobics class. Oh, oh well. Oh,
well, the, well, there's a one way window, um, at the, yeah, there's, there's a one way window that was installed there. And so I, I check it out. It's, it's, it's great. You do good work. People really enjoy it.
Alright, I mean, I guess, yeah, it's, it's, it's my passion. I love physical fitness, and I love helping people get fit. Uh, hey, I could give you a free class if you wanted.
Oh, I'm morally opposed to exercise, but that's so kind of you. You're one of those,
huh?
Yeah, yeah, this, this and they, they got me, they, what, what can I say? They, uh, they, they, they make a compelling
argument. Okay, we flash back to someone knocking on Mike's door.
Hey, uh, Mike is, Mike is mid workout. Hey, hey, how's it going?
Hi, have you heard the good news?
No, what's the, I'm, I'm, I got like ten minutes left before I gotta do the next set. What's, what's the matter? Ten seconds left. No,
you don't. What do you mean? Jesus doesn't want you to. Doesn't want me to exercise? He doesn't want you. Here's our
pamphlet, Sweat is Sin.
Here's our pamphlet, Sweat is Sin. You don't need to exercise because Jesus is strong enough to carry you. Jesus is strong enough to carry you. Sorry, I'm emotional. Let me tell you,
uh, let Let me tell you a story that you've never heard before. So you're walking along a beach, right? And we cut back. This is
from the Bible!
Yeah,
yeah, no,
so Yeah, you wanna they gotcha, huh? They've been going door to door. They've really been I honestly, it was fine at first, pretty innocuous, but I have noticed a little dip in my attendance lately. I mean, it's tough out
there. I can't blame people coming to Christ. That's, uh, that's, that's great. Um, but yeah, I mean, hey, you do you, you know, I'm not one of those that, you know, I'm not one of those, hey, stop it. But you know, I, uh, I'm, um, I think that, you know, you do good work. You make people happy. There's, there's value to that.
You do think I'm going to hell though, right? Oh,
a hundred percent. Well, because where else do you sweat? You sweat when you exercise. You sweat in hell
because it's
hot. It's hot as
hell in this lobby. For one thing. Yeah, exactly.
I'm pretty sure you just end up here when you die. I mean, it's
good and it's good in the gym because that's, you know, you shed a ton of sweat, but right, which is what
the devil wants. Yeah,
but yeah, so I'm, I'm waiting for someone, um,
who, who are you waiting for? If you don't want me asking,
uh, you know, the, the professor who is also an RA in this dorm building to get a little extra money on the side, uh, doc, you know, you know, doc. I
know Doc, Doc, Doc. Yeah.
Yeah, he, he booked a private session with me, so. Oh, he did? Yeah, he booked a private session with me, so I'm just gonna come up to his, uh, he's, he's gonna come down and get me, and I'm gonna help him work out in his, uh, private room.
He, uh, the, he, the stairs open, and, uh, Doc walks out, like, in a bathrobe, like, Oh, Nick, hello. Sorry, I just stepped out of the shower. Oh, hey. Oh, hello, Mike.
Hey, um, Doc, I, hello, what's, I shouldn't ask, this is none of my business, but it's good to see you, it's good to see you. It's not. You're right, it is none of your
business.
It's really not. I'm not, can we?
I'm trying to stay fit, Mike, you know, it's just how it is, uh, and you know, if you keep Getting, uh, letting, uh, suspicion, uh, you know, lead your life, it's gonna lead to anger, and, uh, I mean, my brother has a huge anger problem. We call him Grumpy. So, you know. Yeah,
you were telling me about your six brothers.
Yeah, yeah, you know. Um, you know, we, we, Everything changed for us when I moved out, uh, You see there was this girl we housed for a little bit, they start walking away. Yeah, tell me this story again, it's really interesting.
I have a question about the, uh, the, the, the test that, uh, uh, next week.
The next test? Yeah, what's that? Yeah,
yeah, yeah. Um, what, what's gonna be on it?
Math.
Okay. Can I get a hundred?
Uh, uh, Nick? Sort of puts his hand on the small of Doc's back to, like, lead him towards the stairs so he can get away from Mike.
You can see, like, you see him talking to himself, like, I can't change anything. You know, Mike, you just try your best and I'm, I'm I I'm confident that you're gonna do just fine.
Alright. Okay, doc. You got it.
As they walk away, Nick winks to Mike. Ding!
That'll be a sound effect.
Validation! Validation! I knew it! I knew it!
Hey! Shut Stop Stop yelling in the lobby. It's too hot for that shit.
Shut up, Jeff! You don't know anything!
Are you coming in or going out, Mike? I'm going out. I'm going out. I'm gonna lock the door cuz I gotta go on my break. What? Okay, so you can't get back in. Just so you can't get back in for 30 minutes.
Jeff, I actively don't give a shit about your schedule. You're just being a dick right now. So that's what I'm, that's what I'm saying.
Mike, I know it's hot. I know it's hot. But let's not let our tempers flare too much. If you get one more violation, you're out on your ass, you know. Okay. I caught you with that candle. Jeff. I caught you with all those candles. God, I've never seen so many candles in the dorm room. I'm gonna
de I'm gonna de Okay, it was a Yankee candle sale. Okay. What was I supposed to do? We're gonna deescalate. We're gonna take it down a notch
I should have known I saw you coming in with that cart full of Yankee candles I should have put two and two together, but I didn't
Jeff listen to me right now. You ready? You ready? I don't know if you're ready. Are you sure you're ready
Mike? I swear to God just say Jeff. Fuck you We flash forward
To, like, running up at the hot yogurt, yogurt stand. I will, oh, I'm sorry, I was going to Alex and Adam, but if you want to do something else, go ahead.
Oh, we followed, camera fo okay, drone shot, aerial shot following Mike as he sprints across the campus. He is not fast, by the way, and he does trip a couple times. See, because he does not exercise ever. Not even over anything, it's just like, you know, when you sort of hit the You're the ground weird with your sneaker and you start a stutter step. It's a lot of those. It's more of those than you would expect a person to have.
Um, and he, he's at the base of the great staircase and mentally, you know, trying to work out. You can see all this from the drone shot. Work out whether or not he has the stamina to go up the 49 steps that are there. But Adam and Alex are walking down the steps at the same time.
It's basically milk, right? Like, it's just so hot, it's melted all the, like, things, and it's basically just milk. It's like thick milk.
Alex! Hey, Mike. Hey! We stopped three steps above, Mike. Hey,
Mike.
You're looking all sweaty. Yeah, the top of your head looks, uh, red and wet.
Shit. Shit. I I'll deal with that later. Guys, I got confirmation. Come here. Come here. Come here.
Mike, we know you got confirmation. You brag about it every night when you're praying to Jesus. No.
Not that. Not that confirmation. I didn't get that. That's not what I'm talking about. I Plus, I think it was undone because I spilled the drop of sweat. I I've I've gotta re God, you and that cult.
Yeah. Hey man, shit happens. I got you. Did you just say cult? Nevermind. How many? I've been in so
many cults. Oh my god. Listen, the Church of the Lazy Day Saints is not a cult. It's not. It's not a cult. It's good. It's great. It's, it's, it's, it's a legitimate Protestant organization and I, I, anyway, we'll talk later. My point is, the professor is giving me good grades because he gets, he gets it. In with fucking Nick.
Uh, but like, why? Like, does
Nick owe you? Like, I don't, like, do you know him? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Explain this to me in a way that it makes sense. I don't understand it. It's making me mad. I've watched
his aerobics class. Uh huh. And I was, so he was walking up the stairs with the professor. That had just gotten out of the shower, also a sin by the way, but he had just gotten out of the shower. We
know you feel that way, and we've begged you to not. I lit the
candles to get rid of the smell, okay?
He
did, he did. Set my shower curtain on fire, shower curtain that I bought. That's threshold, Mike. That's a step above room essentials from Target.
If I, if I have the candles. going, you don't need a shower too. It's one or the other. You don't, uh, other than that, you're, you're, you're doing full on aromatherapy, which we know is a Satanist cult. Anyway, that's, that's all of their, of their thing. My point is, as they were walking up the stairs, Nick turned to me and he went. Okay, but like.
But why you
is, I think, what Alex is getting
at. Why, like, what, what, what's happening here? I don't know! Does Nick want to fuck Doc? Does Doc, like, what is Nick getting out of this?
He
seemed into it. Like, did he know you were having trouble in math? Like, there are, there are parts of this story that are missing.
I don't know why you're
talking about me and you. You've been showing us everyone your test. Did you show him your test or was that not did that not happen?
Oh, I don't I don't know if that came up actually. I don't know if I brought that up to Nick when I spoke to him. Mike,
you're you're setting a very dangerous precedent here for four long years of This, like, our lives have made nothing but perfect sense. Yeah. And now, for the first time, something doesn't add up. There's a logical
hole in something that's happened to us, which is And I, I feel like you
don't see the hole, which is kind of even more frustrating. I don't.
I, I needed a better grade. Nick smashes Doc, and now I got a good grade. They're very, they're correlated, but I wouldn't lie. That first link in the
chain doesn't add up. Does Nick know what he's doing? Is it like He winked at me, he must know! Like, why does Doc think giving you 100s gets him la Or is it the other
way around? Like, we're not sure about the directionality of it. Are you getting 100s because the professor is fucking Nick Bronson? Or is Nick Bronson fucking the professor because you're
getting 100s? And in which case, why would he do that? And why would Doc give you a hundred? I don't get it.
I just know it's happening. I just know that my grades are a direct result of the Frick Frack that's happening up in the shower.
You think that Wow, okay. It didn't sound from your story like you knew that they were going to have sex in the shower. I
suppose I don't. I suppose it might be a Frick Frack on the bed. That also could be a possibility. But I don't, I don't know. I, I just, I don't know.
Have you spoken to Nick before this? No, I was, I was a fan. Did he, did he know you existed?
No, because it's a one way mirror. It's not really a Then what
the hell is happening? I, you guys raise some good points.
Okay, we cut to the basement of a church on the outskirts of Limbrook. Okay, folks. The, um, the, the meeting of the, of the Jehovah's Fitnesses is now, uh, uh, assembled and, uh, we're just waiting for one more member and then we will be able to, uh, to get down to the bus to business. Um, has anyone seen. Do we know if Nick is coming? Has he, has he texted? Do we think he's on a 5k run? You know he likes to do those. Yeah,
I, uh, I think he's, uh, he's, he's, he's running a little, little behind. He should be here in a second.
I heard he was running into a behind.
Whoa, okay, all right. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, Dave. Gossip is a sin, Dave. You too, Doug. It is so wonderfully cool in here, by the way. It's so hot outside. I love that our air conditioner works. I love that we rerouted
all of the air conditioning into this one room. I was just going to say,
if Nick, if Nick is running late, at least he's running at all, right? Praise God. Amen. Praise
God. Praise God.
A rep. Praise God. Amen. A rep. A rep, I guess? Let's all do a curl, do a curl, everybody do Do two curls, do two curls close together. So very close, almost like you're doing prayer hands. You follow? I know this is new, this is new, this is new
for the scripture. It's a dual hammer curl that's almost touching. Yeah, I gotcha. Oh, I gotcha, I get it.
If you're not using, uh, dumbbells, which obviously we all are. I mean, you're
So many dumbbells, so many dumbbells. I
know. But if you weren't, you could put your hands together and do it. So, it works. I'm, I'm confident. I know you guys think I'm making this up as I go along, but God is telling me, this is the regimen, this is, you're gonna see gains, and you're gonna, you know, climb that Stairmaster to heaven. Which, What did you guys think of the demo I sent around, Stairmaster
to Heaven? I think it's pretty solid. I think, I think, honestly. Good parody? Good parody? Yeah, good parody. I think it was overrated. I think, I don't really think it's a little derivative if I'm being honest.
You would, Jennifer. Jennifer you would Jennifer you suck.
I'm just you want a feedback. I think that you're you're strong. We
know You toured with led zeppelin in the 60s. We know before they were popular
They remember my name that's all i'm saying they signed my yearbook and everything They wrote they wrote a full sentence beyond hags. Okay
Have a great summer is hardly a full sentence beyond hags, Jennifer. And, for the la if you bring up going to high school with Led Zeppelin again, you gotta stop, okay? That's not what this group is about. Led was such a
great guy, alright? You know they're
four guys!
They're
all great! You know that! It doesn't matter how they identify these days.
That's true. The Jehovah's Fitnesses are very inclusive. Oh, there's Nick. Hey guys, sorry I'm late. Uh, just, uh, heh, was taking care of some business, you know, private session. Wink.
Okay, we were just talking to, uh, your twin here.
My brother? Yeah. Um, whose name would have to be Dick. Yes, Dick is, uh, Or Rick. Or Rick. Sure. I mean, same name. Richard. His name's Richard. Or Schtick. Richard Johnson.
Richard Bronson.
Richard Bronson. Yeah, Dick is doing a Dick Bronson. Yep. Me, Nick Bronson, and my brother Dick Johnson are, uh, you know? That's what the family group chat's for. Uh, what did I miss? What did I miss? What's going on?
Uh, we were just talking about his, his stair, stairmaster to heaven, and I was saying it needs a little bit of work, if I'm being honest, if Led is gonna be impressed at all, uh, y'know.
You know, Jennifer, you would say that. We know you went to high school, I, I assume this has already been shouted at you, so I won't belabor it too much, but, we know I'm just saying they
wouldn't let Weird Al do it, I don't know if they're gonna let you do it, that's all I need to say.
If you bring up the fact that you went to high school with Weird Al and Led Zeppelin one more time, you're out of the game. It was
amazing. Jimmy Page and Weird Al, like, they hated each other. They were just going at each other's throats because Jimmy would do a fun little strump and then Weird Al would be like, Yeah, watch this. And he would do a fun strump and like, sarcastically, they hated it. It was great.
It's back when Weird Al was playing guitar instead of accordion. We know. We get it. It's fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look, I got an update on the situation. Ah. If we want to all just take our seats, I'll pull down the, the slideshow here. Okay. So as you know, Operation Virgin Loser is going fantastically. We have identified, uh, we'll just go through the major updates. A couple months ago, we identified a mark who's associated with the Church of Lazy Day Saints.
We. Uh, got me a job at the Lynbrook University gym where we know he wouldn't frequent, thereby confusing him when I eventually seduced his professor and started banging him to make, to be able to, I'm working it out folks, to be able to convince the Mark that the reason he's getting good grades in math Is, no, hold on. I
don't know if you thought this all the way through. It
sounds like you just wanted, like, you just wanted to get fucked.
You just want to fuck with this kid? Like, I mean, I thought that the overall logic was that if we made him believe in himself he'd actually start working out, but like, that doesn't seem to be working.
Well, we have to break him first to build him up again. This is classic. Oh, okay. Motivational stuff. All right, here is the plan as clearly as I can explain it. We find a kid on campus who is not working out. He's a member of the Church of Lazy Day Saints.
Lazy Day Saints.
I get a job there. I get benefits and health insurance for the first time since I was 26.
I have a question.
Doug.
Is, are you getting the job with the Lazy Day Saints? No, that's, that's phase three.
That's phase three. I have to get a job at Lynbrook University and beyond. Oh, Lynbrook
University. Okay. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah,
and be on the payroll for a while and get good, good benefits so I can fix my teeth. Then step phase three is gonna be, is gonna be I actually infiltrate the organization and change, change it from the inside. No, phase one, we're still in phase one. I get a job at Limburg University. I seduce his professor, seduce a professor that the, our Mark is taking a class from.
Following, I incept the idea that he should give the Mark good grades in The class, and then, I performatively try to make the Mark think by strategically leaving brochures around that I've marked up with hearts and crude drawings, make him think that the reason that's happening is because I'm fucking his professor. Then, that realization will break him internally. He will go leap into the trampoline pit at the gym. I will fish him out and be his savior.
I will pick him up and carry him like Jesus Christ across the beach into the class, get him to start working out, get him away from the Church of Lazy Day Saints. Then he becomes an evangelist for us, starts a running club on campus. We're golden, and I can keep my job. So I can pay off my car. Hey Paul, can I ask you a question? Yes.
You work at the university now, right? Yeah. Couldn't you just now start a running club?
Well, yes. Yes. However
You think you're too small, Johnny. Oh, I'm
sorry, I'm sorry. My name's Doug. Uh, I'm sorry. This way. It's not traceable to me, okay? Cause I start a running club, Lazy Day Saints finds out, they know that the Jehovah's Fitnesses are behind it, and then, you know, the whole thing is blown. Oh, it's a turf war, yeah. suppressive person, Uh, I know this is more, Um, Scientology? Thiantology? Our leg focused rival, but I think they, you know, they could be in cahoots.
There's a whole, you know, if we're gonna win the holy war among fitness focused religious cults, I mean, churches, then we're gonna have to, you know, work smarter and operate on levels. I think I got it,
yeah. I think so. Okay.
How would, if you had only heard, like, part of that plan and, and seen the effects of it for, like, the past 50 minutes, would you think that that is a solid justification for everything that doesn't make somebody look crazy? Or, no? Can I
be honest with you? Can I be honest with you, Nick? I think that's the stupidest shit I've ever heard in my life. Cut back
to Well, I guess we'll never know what the hell is going on here. Yeah, we really don't
follow, Mike, but, um I'm telling you,
it's happening. I'm telling you, it's making me angry.
Okay. It sounds like you might just be The heat might be getting to you. I think that might be it. And when it cools down, maybe you won't be crazy anymore. Because right now You're crazy, and nobody believes you, and I
feel like I'm communicating pretty good for the first time in a while, but, let's do the episode!
Okay, crazy.
Let's, uh, let's, let's, let's go see if they got rid of the creature. Let's go, let's go check it out. Yeah, let's go in the science
hall. Uh, we cut to the science hall, we open the door, it looks kinda like, um, Resident Evil, kind of? Like, it's, there's like blood on the walls and like mysterious substances. There's a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling, swinging back and forth and flickering. Um, it looks very bad and, um, like something unspeakable happened there, but it is 72 degrees. Oh man, this feels amazing. Okay, here. Let's, uh, let's go into this lab here and plug in. There we go, and I'm recording.
Um, do you, do you want to sit on the stools, or what do you want to do?
No, I want to, I want to sit on the, uh, on the, on the chair. The, the bloody chair. That, that looks really nice. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Mike
squishes into the bloody chair. Okay. Are you guys ready to break it down?
Yeah, let's do it, baby.
All right. Break
it
down like a
clown, Charlie. B b b bro. Okay.
Welcome back to the Barone Zone. We are talking about season four, episode eight, Deborah's workout. Deborah, um, is horny from working out. Um, fellas.
Basically, that's basically it. That's basically the gist of it.
What'd you think of the episode?
Okay. Uh, hot, uh, okay. Uh, I thought it was funny. It was, it was a funny episode. I wasn't happy to see attractive people. Um, uh, you know, it's nice to see some good old fashioned insane Rey. Um, like very insecure, like literally this is like the most beautiful thing for him, right? Like, a lot of his personality is about wife won't fuck me and then whole episode wife is just so down so often and Ray's just like, this is bad.
Yeah, I, you know, to give him credit, he's not even like, this is bad, like, you know, at some point, like, he was enjoying it at first. Yeah, he was convincing himself that he did something different, uh, and then, of course, he found the, uh, the, the, the smoking gun and to be honest, if I saw that, it would be hard to not make the same conclusion. It was one of
the most logical leaps that he's made in the series.
Yeah, no, absolutely. So, you know, uh, like I get, I get what he was, you know, thinking and doing and stuff, but just, you know, the way he goes about, you know, everything is just a freaking headache as usual.
So I have, sorry, uh, Adam, do you have thoughts on the overall situation?
I think It is a failure to communicate broadly that Debra did not, the first time she came home from the workout, say, you know, that workout made me feel really good about myself, and that's why we had sex. Um, I don't fully You know, agree that it is a 100 percent logical conclusion to jump to, you know, in a communicative relationship. If Ray had said, when he discovered the brochure, Is this why you've been coming home so horny lately?
Then Debra could have had the chance to say, No, it's just because working out makes me feel good about myself, and that makes me feel good about other things, like she does at the end of the episode, after Ray destroys their trash can in a fit of rage. Heh heh heh. So I think it's logical for Ray to jump to that conclusion. But it's an easily solvable, like most conflicts on this show, it is easily solvable by basic communication and just not letting things fester.
I'll be honest, there's probably a lot of different factors going into the situation besides the fact that the writers wanted to make it happen. But like, we were talking a little bit off mic about like how Um, you know, it's, it's shown if you start exercising regularly, you're going to, it, it, increased sex drive is something that is associated with that. Um, you know.
Yeah, you were yelling about that for. I,
it's a true. Statement, which is why we should not actually, anyway, I'm sorry. I'm going off on my own, my own tangent here, but that's a different, that's a different ball, uh, thing here, but yeah, I think that there's, that's a different ball, but, uh, yeah, I mean, overall, overall. Ridiculous situation, hilarious situation. Uh, Ray makes a huge ass of himself. It, it, it's bad. I, I cringed really hard during that scene where he's competing with the guy that.
But also at the same time, can we be in agreement that the aerobics instructor touching Debra was deeply inappropriate?
That felt it felt like a big leap from I'm standing at the front of the class leaping into now I'm gonna sort of put my hands on your waist and sort of like kind of tickle you and yeah Giggle like there there's There needs, if Debra's comfortable with that, then great for her. But I feel like we did not see the necessary, um, sort of like building up to that. That it would then feel like 100 percent consensual and normal. But it seems weird. Yeah, like the idea is like, right, that like, Ray
is like, like in the wrong here. Yeah. Like to come by and like, you know, interrupt, uh, The, the, the show, like he's overreacting and being like, uh, kind of like an asshole and like that, that act right there kind of like gives some validation to his concerns. He's got the right to be And that I don't like.
Yeah, he's got the right to be upset by that thing, cause that, that, even if that was like, even if they had the prior relationship, even if it was really deeply inappropriate, I'm just gonna Not okay, anyway, I'm sorry, we're going off on a tangent here. No, please. Yeah, I have several other minute thoughts to get to. First of all, was this the first exterior shot of Nemos that we got?
I think there might have been one in, um, the first time we saw Nemos, um. Yeah, I think
we've gotten plenty. Cause that, that block seemed new to me. It could
be a different shot, absolutely, but I remember in the first, uh, time we saw Nemo's in season one, there was definitely an exterior shot of it, because I think it had like some other fake sign that was like Limbrook something or other, like, as you know, because we're to believe that Nemo's is in Limbrook instead of Queens where it was obviously So
yeah, I, I just wanted to bring that up as a possibility. I also wanted to say how, okay. That scene was when, after the, after the whole, you know, Deborah gives him the, gives him the whole kiss of like, Oh, you got to go to golf. Well then I guess you're gonna miss. Like she gives him the kind of thing, exactly. And then he goes and he meets up with Robert, with Andy and with, uh, with. The other one whose name I'm blanking on right now. Gianni. Is it? Thank you, Gianni.
I knew it started with a G and I knew it was Italian, but I, for some reason, Giancarlo was in my head. Um, so, um, and Gianni and they're all upset with him. Rightfully so, honestly, about him skipping golf. I also had the thought, how long does Ray. Last, that it's a full missed golf situation, and not just a late 10 or 15 minutes situation.
Dude probably fell asleep
afterwards. At the end of the episode, when, uh, they say they have 15 minutes, Deborah says, Oh good, we have time for a nap then too, which could be gentle ribbing, or could suggest that Ray gets knocked out, uh, right after. Gentle
ribbing is also the kind of college, uh, condom they use. Um, I think it was kind of shitty of Ray, obviously, to, uh, to just skip out on golf because they will do that. If you don't have your full four, they'll just not let you golf. Um, but also like kind of like not cool of Deborah either to be like, you know, like I get your horn, you got the horns, you know, it's like, you know, your guy has plans. And like, you know, obviously
I got all these trumpets, what am I gonna do?
I'm just saying, if, you know, It was the other way around, And, you know, Rey was like, Oh, stay, make love to me. Um, Tebra would be like, fuck off.
I think A couple of factors at play. I believe they have a telephone right next to the kitchen entrance. Yes. Yes. As they are going to, uh, fuck, why not take half a second stop off, presumably if they waited for him for an hour, they maybe are not Have not left their own houses yet, or did we already say he was late? I don't remember There's got to be a way to get in. I know it was 1999 And cell phones were not as commonplace.
They did exist but Yeah, there there were ways that he could have let them know I'm not coming guys, you know, save them the actually I am I'm not coming with you.
Like I said, though. I'm about to get a
hole in
one Full hour good for him, man
I don't think it was a full hour.
I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt. That's gonna knock him out a
few points for me. You have no reason to give him the benefit of the doubt. Based on everything we know about him.
I suppose that's true, fair enough.
I think, uh, it, uh, if Deborah was sufficiently ready to go, it could have been 15 45 minute break. No, sorry, that math doesn't work. 5. 50 minute break. 5.
We do see later on that when Deborah, uh, gives him the come hither at night, she agrees very excited because it's like, again? Twice? So I don't, I don't know if, I don't know if it was wrapped or not. Oh yeah, that does
undercut that. Um. Yeah, the scene, well, yeah, and to acknowledge the, uh, inconvenience that she causes Ray's friend, she does suggest that he should go golfing tomorrow, and that, of course, undercuts the Roberts theory that she only did it The original suspicion. So that Ray wouldn't go golfing. Right. What do you think about Ray, just to go back to Nemo's, oh, two things about Nemo's. One, this is the last appearance of, uh, Joseph V. Perry.
As Nemo, however, he will be recast in season five, um, by a different actor who will play Nemo and, um, no spoilers, but. Needs to be there to facilitate the sale of Nemo's to, um, what's his face. We'll get there. Um, but yeah, that's it. I think he died shortly after this or retired or something. He's obviously no longer with us, but poor one out for Joseph V. And also, what do you think about Ray giving his family's pizza to his friends? I
mean, if he's going to stay there for 20 minutes, he can order another one and wait for it to cook while, uh, while they're eating that one. Okay. I don't think that, I, I, I see no problem with that, right? Unless, like, these kids were really, really, really hungry.
It's a little weird to delay your family meal.
Yeah, that's what I was going to say, is that if they expected him to be gone for 10 minutes to go and pick it up and come back, or however far away Nemo's is, and then he's back in 40 minutes?
That's kind of I mean, like the pizza itself is, is fungible or non fungible or whatever the word is, but like it doesn't matter what pizza he has, he can bring a pizza back and be fine, but it's more like the inconvenience and now his family has to wait, uh, that I found to be kind of a dick move just to make up to his friends, and he didn't even give Andy details, which he desperately wanted. Um, what do you think about the theory? Ray's theory, he pulled a muscle in his ribcage.
I think that's stupid. And, uh, it fits Ray perfectly.
When it, the first half of the sentence,
made
me think, you know, the story about Marilyn Manson getting the rib removed. I
knew it wasn't going there, but Ray got his rib removed so Debra would suck his dick, is what you're saying.
I would never say that. Neither would I. I'm just, that's just where my mind went. Rib cage is such a specific choice. Let me ask you a different question about a different scene. Ray finds the brochure. From Debra's Gym. Does it look to you, as it looked to me, that Nick Bronson is wearing jeans on the cover of the brochure?
I thought I saw blue. I
wasn't sure.
I didn't process it as jeans, but I was like, that's an interesting gym choice. It's
probably blue, you know, track pants or shorts or something, but it looks like jeans. I'm gonna have to go look again,
honestly.
In which case, that
stops being workout, that starts just being sex. Yeah,
that is, that's like, uh, not Chippendales. That's like Magic Mike kind of business there. Magic Nick Bronson. All
right. I want to go to a different scene if that's okay. I want to, I want to specifically go to the scene with Ray and Robert and the family. At the, uh, in the, in the parents house. First of all, I love the, I would like to put on some pants bit. I thought that was a great line. Um, I also am upset with Robert, cause what the fuck is wrong with you telling your parents about your brother's sex life? That seems like a huge boundary to cross.
I know that's how he and Marie bond, is by gossiping about Ray, but that is I mean, to be fair, they did, but, you know, four weeks ago, air all of the sex talk amongst each other. Like, now they know how often Marie and Frank do it. By the way, Ray says that three times in a week is a Barone record. I think he means a Ray Barone record. A Ray Barone record. I agree. Yeah, yeah. Sounds like Frank has, you know, bested that, for sure.
Frank has easily gone, like, lucky seven, maybe.
Um, yeah, but I really like the joke, How long is the mirror in your apartment? When he sees Robert pantsless. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a thinker, but it's a really good one. But yeah, asking, telling your parents that your brother is having more sex than usual is weird. It's very weird. There's no justification for it other than that's weird.
Um, I also liked the Ray go, uh, Frank going off on how hot Nick Bronson was. That was awesome.
That's a handsome man.
Yeah.
You got to admit that's a handsome man, Robert. It's like the one time Frank is like openly comfortable complimenting a man. Complimenting a man.
Um, I thought there were a couple of, uh, both Marie and Frank have awful takes on this situation. Sounds like somebody's trying to earn some jewelry, says Frank, which is horrible. Um, and then Marie thinks Debra is compensating for not being able to cook in the kitchen. So she's cooking in the bedroom. Yeah, both of them have, uh, I did, I did think it was funny that, um, Frank calls her happy hips over there. Frank's point of view here is that Nick is helping out.
I have a feeling, I know your answers, but in a world where your wife is seeing sexy people just in the world and then that gets her to, as Deborah says, that gets her wanting to cheat on you with you, then, I mean, that's fine to me. I don't, I don't see anything wrong with that. How do you feel?
I, I think you need to get a blindfold. And, uh, make sure that she wears it every time she leaves the house. That's, that's my person. If she wants you,
she'll do it. As Marie said, you must take her out of that class right now. As if Ray has any say in that at all.
Yeah. Uh, yeah, no, obviously, obviously it's, obviously it's stupid. It's obviously this whole situation is contrived and stupid. Yeah. And just like Like, like we, like we mentioned before, only Ray could look at any kind of situation where it's like, my wife wants to have sex with me more and find a way to make it negative. Yeah.
Yeah, it's honestly a superpower at this point. Like, dude, like, Ray could win the lottery and he will give us ten reasons why that's a bad thing. Oh yeah. The
taxes. One.
Yeah, you still get money. Uh, relative, relatives are coming after you, you have to go and fight for people with it. You gotta hire a lawyer, uh, lottery lawyers are a thing. Um, if you split the money, if you bought, if you would like had a pool at work, you gotta like deal with people that actually have it. You gotta figure out a way to hide the money so that people don't want it. You gotta put it in your will, you just gotta make a new will, and that's really annoying.
Uh, your wife is gonna divorce you because she wants half of that cash for herself. And, uh, I'm gonna say, um, Uh, uh, You're at eight. I'm at eight? Damn it. Okay, um, I'm gonna, uh, I'll also throw in that, um, you know, I heard he said taxes. I think that, um, Oh, you mentioned
about, about five of these are hiding them from people, hiding the money from people and taxes. So you've covered that ground. Oh,
I got it. I got it. You got to figure out where you got to go on vacation. That's a whole, that's a whole difficulty. Okay. And, uh, and, um, then you, uh, you gotta, you gotta figure out, um. You gotta quit your job. And that's like, you know, people are gonna cry. That's, that's, that's kind of annoying. Yeah, that's awkward. That's an
incredible way to frame quitting your job as how emotionally difficult it is for the people you're leaving behind.
Yeah.
Lottery winners have like a really high rate of suicide also. Um, so there's one. Yeah,
accidents happen. Yeah. Uh, yeah, I guess
so.
Um, never, this is, after the cakes and this, you should be careful about specifying a number of things. Just in general.
Well, to be clear, that was Alex that listed the ten reasons, but uh, I'm glad I was able to fill in for that. Oh, then Alex, keep
doing it, and I'll keep asking Mike to name them.
You make me pay for your numbers. Love it.
Well, you're good at math now, so you should be able to count up.
Apparently, yeah. Yeah, there you go. Alright,
um Thank God for
Nick Bronson.
Barometer time?
Well, the newspaper that Robert's reading has an ad that says, elect big savings at the Dodge presidential event, if that's important to you. And then quickly important. Mark Dobies plays Nick Bronson. Um, he has actually been a personal trainer since the late 2000s. Isn't that funny? He was acting from like the nineties through the, to like 2010, and now he's a personal trainer. So it was a self fulfilling prophecy.
He went back through his career and he was like, what role did I enjoy inhabiting the most? Nick Bronson. I'm going to be Nick Bronson. Um, I found him on LinkedIn. Should I send him a message?
Just say, Hey, we're a big fan. How fucking crazy would it be if we got him for
this episode? I have a feeling we could. If Adam is able to get an interview with Nick Bronson, include it right here.
Um, and finally, Oh, Ray falling down and crushing the boombox with his ass. Has that
Great funny moment. Alex,
has that ever happened to you? And Mike, when did that last happen to you?
Um, never broken a boombox with my ass. A boombox with my ass. Has broken my ass. That's a whole different story.
Do you want to know? All right, we'll leave it for another day.
Some, you know, you know, magic's in the mystery. That's a
Baroness right there. How did Alex break his ass? Yeah,
don't do a deep dive on this if you don't have it already. Do you know the name of the, of the, the last, the boombox company? Oh, no, not the boombox company. The, the, the guest in the, the cameo in the last, in the last hot clothes.
I wouldn't call that a cameo, but I do She is listed on IMDb, uh, it's probably Kimberly James as Monique, but no picture to confirm. Uh, but she was best known for being in the movie Mystery Men, which is probably most notable for being, um, the, the music video for Uh, Smash Mouth's All Star is a promotional music video for the movie Mystery Men. That is what that is from. So, that's, there we go, got to Smash Mouth.
Thank you. She does not have a lot of other
credits. Does not have a lot of other credits, she stopped working in 2000. So she's not Uh, super, I mean I could, it's just too common a name to like, find out if she is also a personal trainer. I think she could do it. She acted like one very well. Um, Oh, also good to see Susan Verin back in this episode as Susie the waitress. Yeah, that was funny. I don't believe it's her last episode, at least it wasn't called out as such, so hopefully we'll see her again. Bringing Ray his family's pizza.
Anything else you wanted to call out, or shall we pivot?
I think that was the main bits, I just, the hot clothes was, was pretty funny, I was kinda, I thought it was, uh, I thought it was a nice reversal, um, and yeah.
Yeah, it's a great comic tag on the episode, um, obviously Rey staring and grinning at this woman as she teaches this class is weird, but hey, it gets him exercising in his suede jacket, button up shirt, jeans, and boots. So that's
It's, it's very, it's very weird, it's a It's, it starts out as a bad thing. The thing that sold me on it was the final line of, I feel really good about myself right now. That, uh, that, that got a slight chuckle out of me. It was
funny. I like that he brought back a new boombox, but correct me if I'm wrong. The woman brought her own boombox. She did
not use the boombox. Yeah.
It's a shame. Um, okay, let's turn our attention. Alex, anything else you wanted to talk about? All right. Let's turn our attention to our patented barometer, which is our, thank God we're in the science building. Cause you know, I've been petitioning for them to let us do our science in here. And they have said that this is not science and. I disagree. I think this is a completely scientific endeavor where we're rating Ray's performance. Yeah, what are you talking about?
We had that grant.
We did have that grant. I mean, we falsified a lot of the application. We did tell them we were researching. We used the phrase, cancer moonshot, an awful lot for an application for a grant that we could use to make our Everybody Loves Raymond podcast. But, we had it. So it's science.
We're doing the science though, of rating race performance as a husband, brother, son, father, uh, exercise or fitness junkie, you know, a sex machine on a scale from one to 10 with 10 being the great dads of sitcom history, Danny Tanner, uncle Phil, Carl Winslow, and one being the bad men of television, your Walter White's and Danny. Trejo's misspoke, almost said Danny, Danny, Danny Trejo. I probably played a bad dad in something. I don't know.
Um, first Danny I could think of, um, uh, Walter White, Don Draper, and, uh, you know, men who actively harm their families. Alex, where's Ray coming in for you this time?
Again, super, super classic Ray. Um, There are definitely parts of this episode that I do not blame Ray for. I think Marie and Frank getting involved in this, uh, is completely not his fault this time, all on Robert. Um, I do blame him for missing his golf outing. Uh, you know, like. I, we get it. Ray's horny and he takes what he can get. Um, I don't know. It's just, uh, like what, what, what pisses me off about that specifically is that like Ray, like that was the third time in a week.
So it's like, dude, there's going to be more, you know, she's going to be like this when you get back, she's going to be down, you know, I don't know, God damn it, Ray. He needs better work life balance. Did
not mention doing anything that could be remotely categorized as work in this episode. He golfed and he fucked. Screws wife three
times. So it's illegal to give him lower than a three. Okay. So, plus three for screwing your wife. Uh, I'm gonna give him like a straight, I'm gonna give him a straight five.
Okay, straight five. Mike?
I'm not gonna be anywhere near as kind as that. Oh my god. Um, so first of all, you mentioned as a fitness junkie, he gets a zero. Holy shit, he had terrible form. He did not do the movements. just all around dogshit aerobics performance. Definitely low score for that. But as a person, as a person, I don't blame him necessarily for Marie and Frank finding out because as Alex said, that's not his fault. It's entirely appropriate to talk about these kinds of things with your brother.
That's that's totally fine. But, um, at the end of the day, he does just try. He's so So, so deeply suspicious and mistrusting of, uh, of, um, Debra. Debra. His
wife's name is Debra.
Thank you. I got stuck for a second there. He also doesn't, uh, he also embarrasses her by going to this, this place of workout, this exercise place. You know what I mean? This place of workout.
I got my place of work and I got my place of workout. One day I hope they are the same thing like they are for Nick Bronson.
Mm hmm. Uh, yeah. Um, but yeah, he, he straight up embarrasses her, breaks the fucking poor guy's boombox, and I mean, he was very, he didn't make Ray pay. He should have made Ray pay. He was just like, oh, you're here for the class? Cool. He didn't like, he didn't like, oh, you gotta check in with the guy at the front? The guy was so nice to him and he destroyed his boombox and ruined it for everybody. That alone is such a dick move.
And then he gets home and immediately starts like, Kind of being a dick and implying that that Deborah owes him when she walks in he's like yeah Yeah, it was great. You want to have sex? I don't know didn't make didn't love it. I'm giving him a three
Okay, I'm more inclined to be at Mike's end of the spectrum here. I think Yes, I can't blame him for Marie and Frank, I can't blame him for telling Robert, I can't blame him for feeling insecure about it. I blame him for, um, I don't really care about him missing Yes, it was inconsiderate as a friend, but I'm not gonna dock him too much for missing the golf outing.
I'm really going to focus on interrupting the class, being smug about the class at the start, and then flaming out and, you know, making the class harder for other people by bumping into them, being an asshole, falling over, breaking the boombox. Dick move. And yeah, like you said, Mike, Nick Bronson was so kind to him. Yeah, to not make him pay for the boombox. I'll give Ray a little bit of credit for then proactively bringing a boombox in. think it's weird.
I mean, it's not too, I get the sense that he was, you know, joking about being excited about the woman instructor, but I don't know. The whole thing felt, I don't ever want to see Ray in that aerobics studio again. I did not like aerobics. That's kind of too close to Arabic. A ra bics. A ra bics Ray. Uh, A ro bics Ray. I didn't like that Ray. I don't know if there's anything else I can dock him to.
And then yeah, the scene of them coming back and him Yelling at Debra about cheating on him with him, and the whole bit of like, whipping out the Nick Bronson brochure, putting it in front of his face, and like, Are you in the mood now? Like, that whole thing came across as very aggressive and immature, and then smashing the trash can. I really Can't remember, maybe we have, I, I don't remember a lot of times we've seen Ray get physically violent like that. I mean, yes, it's towards Trashcan.
But still, that felt like a, a different level than we usually see Ray's hysterics at. So I, I am gonna give him a 2. Because I'm really not I, I didn't think he comported himself too well here.
You guys hear that?
Hm? You guys hear that? No, I don't, I don't hear anything. No, there's
like, there's like some creeping and crawling and tripping in the back of the science lab. Creeping and crawling and tripping? Are you sure the creature got
cleared out? I mean, the air conditioning is working, so I assume, like, I mean, what, what, are you saying that like, The creature just, you know, gained the ability, like, evolved and gained the ability to walk on, on four legs, like, and crawled out of the air ducts and is now, like, crawling around the building, I think that would be pretty ridiculous, but, uh, I think, that's probably just, you know, old pipes and stuff, but I think What's the, what's the barometer? Oh, sorry.
Yeah. Uh, that, that'll be drum roll, please. It's going to be Ray's getting a 462. 43 for this episode.
Um, can I see, can you, can you show your work?
Uh, yeah, right here. You see, Mike just wrote, uh, Mike wrote D,
D, D, D, D down the side of a piece of paper.
Yeah.
Uh, I, I think, look, like, just estimating, I think it's probably closer to like 3. 3, but if, if, Look, you got 100 on a math quiz, what do I know? I haven't taken math at all.
You better put 400 in the barometer. I'll put, I'll put 400 in my
notebook here. Okay. Science! She blind, blinded me with it, actually. Did I tell you guys that story about how I got blinded with science? Ooh, it's a good one, but we, I don't think we have time. We should probably wrap up here and, uh, Mike, you've got your church group later, so we should get you to that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it. And I got, they're gonna be so mad at me, cause they're gonna smell the sweat coming from a mile away. Oh, this is gonna be rough.
Okay, good luck with that. Well, uh, anything else that we wanna plug or shall we sign off? I think just the Baroness Zonis, right? I mean the monthly bonus episode. Pay life, uh, pay once. Pay what you want, once, for lifetime access, uh, to the monthly bonus episode. We just did Scruples. Uh, we're back at the Scruples table, it was a good one. We're halfway through Bowling for Soup's discography. You gotta listen to find out why that's important. Or just look at the episode titles.
Um, but we are having fun over there, so come check it out. We're 22 episodes into the Baroness Zonis. It's exciting. Best value in podcasting. Um, but other than that, oh, and go to postfun. org. slash donate to get that. Otherwise, I think we're good to just wrap it up here with our classic sign off. Right guys?
I think you're right. I think you're right.
Everybody
loves
Raymond!
And we love you! Bwaaaaaaah!