I Can Make it Happen for You / 4.16 The Tenth Anniversary

Good morning, students and faculty of Lynbrook University. As you know, each week, you are required to watch an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. This week's episode is Season 4, Episode 16, 10th Anniversary. Ray accidentally tapes football over his wedding, which resulted Deborah being very mad. We recommend watching the show as soon as possible to prepare for what you are about to hear. Also, I was unaware that today was laxative lunch day. Will someone please bring me some brown pants?

Okay, uh, everyone if you'll just take your seats. Uh, just fill in, can we get some people? Come down, come down from the, from the back. Just fill in the front couple of rows here. Uh, attendance is a little less. Then we thought it was gonna be so just just everyone kind of come to the front people in the balconies come down Okay, the screen is coming down now Folks, we're gonna get started with the screening of the the funeral Of Mike I's funeral.

Oh man, Alex, I, I just, I can't believe I'm actually finally able to see it. You know, I, I know I've had a lot of funerals, but like, I've never actually seen one before. I can't believe it.

Yeah, you know Mike, we're, we're glad you came back, uh, to life. And we, we gave you the, just the most respectful and touching funeral. I'm so excited. Yeah, no, I I, for you to, to see it on the big screen,

you know, I'm, I'm so glad it, it's never gonna top the time that God himself told me that I was too boring to be, to be brought into the afterlife. Uh, but I, I really do appreciate you guys continuing to hold these things. We're up to, what am I on now? I'm a, I'm, I'm, we've had like 13 of these things, so I'm, uh, yeah. It's gonna be nice to hear what people say about me.

Yeah, we were almost, uh, have enough to get a free sandwich.

Yeah.

Okay, folks, uh, the, the issue with the projector is resolved. Thank you all so much for your patience. The screen is coming down. Uh, the funeral of Mike I, uh, as you all know, we held it a couple of, uh, a couple of days ago. Uh, it was significantly delayed. Uh, Mike I did die. A couple weeks back, actually, but, uh, we just got around to it. Um, I know tickets were limited. I know you all couldn't make it, so I appreciate y'all coming out to the screening.

I got, I got a question for you.

Actually, actually, can we, can we bring the writer out? Uh, Alex, Alex Scheer, everyone. The writer of The Funeral of Mike. Hi. Hello. Hi. Thank you. Excuse me, Mike. We were gonna come out, uh, at the end, but, uh, just a couple of questions now, and then we'll, we'll kick things off.

Hey, hi. I'm, uh, Vito. I, um, I'm part of the, uh, the, the funeral studies program here at the university. I, uh, just wanted to say, do you have anything to say about the surge pricing that kept a lot of my classmates out of this thing?

Well, Vito, I mean, given that I was in the class with you and someone decided to flunk me out of it, I just didn't think it appropriate to have, uh, some of the, some of my ex classmates, uh, assist me on this. It wasn't really, uh, so much as a proving that I can do it better than you guys could, it's more just like a, more of a suck it type of thing.

Vito, you might have noticed that to get into the funeral, we did have those Wendy's kiosks that they were trying to, to roll the surge pricing out on. And that's why, uh, Mike, Mike, Mike was under Baconator, but I understand that the sticker shock kinda kept a lot of people out. We didn't have control over that. That was still being, uh, controlled by Wendy's Corporate. So that's what the 30 Baconator, uh, slash Mike was. Uh, but we've worked out the bugs for next time.

game. Yeah, just cause like, I mean, I, I, I'm sure you did nice work, but I'm just, you know, I, I'm here, and I, I used the promo code of Mike fucking eats it, and I didn't get any reduction in prices, and I, I just wanna express my, my frustration.

Wendy's told us that they're not, the system won't allow you to put in a promo code with Fucking, fuck, fucker, mother fucker, uh. Oh, so Wendy's

is a prude, huh?

They will take bacon fucker, which they were testing as like an after dark kind of menu item. You know Wendy's,

they don't let you fuck with them, but they'll fuck with you all day. It's the

Baconator, but

there's a

hole in the center.

Gotcha. Yeah. Okay. I understand. I understand. All right, listen, I just want to say I'm very enthusiastic. Vito, this is

not really supposed to be a conversation. I kind of thought you might have like one like procedural question or something.

No, no, I'm just super interested in the whole thing. I just, I can't wait to see, I can smell the formaldehyde from here. I really appreciate your help. Okay, goodbye. I'll get off the mic.

See what I was telling you about Vito. We gotta stick, my, Alex, we gotta keep Mike from wearing formaldehyde as a cologne. I mean, I know he's accustomed to it, but it's not, it's not good. Oh, we got another question! We've got another question. No,

no, I don't Great. First Vito, and now Yes, ma'am.

Hey, hey, hi, I'm, I'm Jarena. I just, I, I just wanted to say That's

a beautiful name. That is a beautiful name.

I appreciate it. I'm just here because I wanted to see, you know, I'm gonna die in a few months, I'm sure. Oh. Can I

ask?

By

How old? Couple questions.

Yeah.

How old?

92.

Okay, planned?

Well, nobody gets to nobody knows the date and time. I just feel it coming, you know, I've seen the seen the signs I've seen the vultures perched outside my bedroom window, you know, the whole banyans. The sign

yeah. Did did the signs say Kevorkian medical practice on it? Because that then you would know the exact date. If you had the assisted.

Yeah, no, it's, it's great. I, I mean, I, I get their forms.

Just, just to cut the, cut to the chase, are you planning an assisted suicide or no?

No, no, I'm not. I just know that it's coming. Dr. Kowalki, it is very insistent. He thinks I should, but I don't.

With K?

No, he's with Special K and he sends me eight, eight mails a day. And so , he

just, you get direct mail from Dr. Kevorkian?

Yes, I do. Which makes me really, I don't know what to do with that information, to be honest. But anyway, I wanted to say that I really, so you. You get

Valpak, and you get like the local dentist, and then you got Kvorkian.

Yeah, that's correct. Yeah. Yeah, no, they all got my mailing address. I'm on everybody's mail. It's great. But I have to ask When I finally do croak, how do I get this level of spectacle for my grandkids? Cause they need to know that grandma's cool.

Let's talk after. Our packages are pretty reasonable. Okay. Um, as are the prices on our services.

Okay, got it.

Dick dick joke. Uh, yeah, we'll talk. Yeah. Oh, sorry. We got another question in the back. Oh

Hi, hi, I'm dr. Kevorkian. I just want to say Jarena. I would really appreciate an RSVP guys This is

not this isn't Jerry Springer. This is don't you're not supposed to be working stuff out here We're here to watch the funeral of our friend, Mike I

Look, just talk quietly

and

I can make it happen for you.

Oh my god.

Is that your new slogan? Dr. Kevorkian, I can make it happen for you.

You know it. Yeah, absolutely.

My life's work is on this screen and you are just keeping me from it. Alex

wrote, spent like an hour writing this funeral.

Hey, if this is your life's work and you're done, you know, you don't have to wait around. We can take care of that.

Kevorkian, leave. I'm sorry. Stop, I saw you put your QR code on the window, take it down, you have to, no soliciting, it says it on the outside of the theater, no soliciting.

Okay, okay, fine, fine, I'll take it down, but hey, just saying, I'll post it somewhere else, if you guys see a QR code, you want out, I can make it happen for you.

I can make it happen for you, he said it. He said it!

Wow.

Any other questions, or should we? Okay. Uh, I didn't, I didn't catch that, sir.

Get on with it! I spent too much money at Wendy's. I need, I need this, play the thing.

Okay, we are gonna, uh, take the house lights down, uh, Todd, and then, uh, just hit play whenever you're ready on, uh, The funeral of Mike I. Okay, sir,

you got it! Wow, that's an interesting film. That's pretty, yeah. They

really did it in 3, 2, 1. That was, that's insane.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to pay our respects to Mike Uh, I. Uh, he wasn't part of our community here for long, but. He certainly left an impact. Um, Leviticus says, uh, There were It's something about footsteps in the sand, and that's what I carry.

Welcome to

Strangling

Dan's Duck Wrestling! Here we have our two competitors! Wait,

Alex, this isn't

On to my left we have Mr. Biggs! Quack! Quack! Quack! And on to my left, we have The Duck! I am a duck. Let's get this duck wrestling going! Hey, hold

on, guys, guys, guys. I just, this isn't my The, my guys. Funeral, this is, this is duck wrestling. What, what the hell is goin on here? Ooooooooooo Boobs start raining down from the audience.

That, oh, okay, Todd, turn it off. Turn it off. Ah That wasn't, that wasn't a funeral. That was duck wrestling. Ladies and gentlemen, we're having some technical Some technical difficulties, uh, we will Hi,

hi, hi, it's me, Jarena. Yeah, I just wanted to say My voice might have changed, I'm sorry. Uh, I just want to say, I no longer want to associate with you guys. Stay the fuck away from my funeral. I don't want any ducks. My grandkids are allergic. They're gonna be so scared. I'm out. You

don't seem like a fun lady. Jerina and Dr. Kevorkian walk arm in arm out of the, uh, theater. Shit! We lost another one to Kevorkian, Alex. Folks, we are so sorry. I just want to assure everyone that Hey, how

you doing? I'm Vito. Vito! It's me, Vito, again. I just want to say, I What was the This was not covered in the lecture. Alex, I see why Why Dr. Ferguson kicked you out. This is This is unacceptable.

Okay, to be fair, I think we are kind of skipping over the fact That I managed to TiVo an episode of Duck Wrestling on like a roll of film. That's pretty impressive.

Folks, I want to assure everyone that this is a pure TiVo accident. This was not, the Duck Wrestling was not part of Mike I's funeral. I want to make that clear. That is how he died, but that's not part of the funeral. I'm so sorry. We are gonna look into this. We are going to contact the videographer and we are going to get the original copy and we will host a new screening. I am so sorry for the inconvenience. There will be no refunds.

Hi, um, I'd like a double baconator with cheese, please.

Okay, that'll be 38. Thank you very

much.

You want fries? Yeah, that'd be great. We don't have fries. We do have chili.

Hey, uh, I got a, I got a question here. Um, how do I take the over Vito? No, no, no, no. That Vito, Vito's my Vito's your twin brother? We get mixed up. Vito's, Vito's my brother. Um, I just gotta say, I, uh, how do I take the over on the, uh, the duck?

Uh, I'm afraid that That show happened like five days ago.

The rest of everybody in the audience storms out. They're all Oh, come on. As they leave, as they're Nobody else has any questions? Safe! I got a question! Fuck you! That's not a question. That's He walks out. Uh, guys I just gotta say, um, uh, as much as, like, this is this is Too much this is a little

too art nouveau.

I I hate this I feel like did you like

how the portion of the funeral that was not taped over was that like a dutch angle?

No, I no I did not to be honest. Well,

is it that you don't like that? Will you are you more into fish wrangling?

No, first of all Okay.

Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. I misspoke it. Not a dutch angle a duck angle.

This is so I got a lot of a lot of problems with this scenario. First of all, Adam's not a priest. What was he given that speech?

Well, Mike, you always call him daddy.

True, but you don't call it priest daddy. That's a different thing.

So, okay, that part's on me then. Yeah, that's second

of all. My bad. Second of all,

you saw through the makeup. You saw through my makeup? I got Gary Oldman's guide and made him into Winston Churchill. You saw through my makeup?

You were quoting a, a, a part of the Bible that A. Oh, that gave it away. Deals with Jesus and, and, but you quoted it from Leviticus, which happens before Jesus. Second of all, that story doesn't even appear in the Bible. This is not, what, what, guys. I

knew I shouldn't have improvised.

But okay, forgetting all of that. This is like the pinnacle of my life. This is like people gather to like mourn and say nice things about you.

Most of them thought this was Wendy's.

It

seemed like, like they really just had a lot of like contingency pro clerical errors with this. Like they, they just had questions. This is Like honestly, like did you, like look around this room. Like did you, did you even like recognize any of these people? Do you know Jurina? I know you know

Kevorkian.

Kevorkian? I'm a customer of Kevorkian, okay? I'm a regular with him. Uh, I've, but, listen. I just, the point is. This is, I wanted, this is not how I wanted to be remembered. I don't want to be remembered as the guy that, any of my, any of myself, I don't want to be remembered as the guy that got, got bumped in his own funeral for duck wrestling, okay?

Yeah, you only get like five

of them in your life. Yeah,

I know.

Mike, you're right, and I know you're a man, but I I don't know what we can do about it. I mean, you're alive. I mean, Michael B. Jordan is still alive, and so, wait a second. Alex, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Probably not, but you think very weird things. Don't I know it. Uh, my twisted mind has just come up with a, uh, maybe a little Off kilter idea, but Mike, what if Michael B. Jordan was to meet an unfortunate end and we had another chance at staging you the funeral of a lifetime?

You can't kill Michael B. Jordan He's got too many security guards around him

He is very powerful, yes. Talking about you, your fake name.

Oh, that's right. That's right, because I'm Mike BJ. That's right. Okay. Yes. Um, oh!

That's what it says on your, uh, driver's license, doesn't it?

Yeah, Mike BJ. Yeah, and the, yeah, it's, it's, it's fucked up because the, the people were laughing. And you

have the, the rare driver's license that's waist down. Driver's license photo.

Yeah, people, people treat it as like an offer or an option, you know?

That's, yeah, no, that's correct.

I, I remember the one time you got pulled over and like, your car has like the window that is at your waist instead of your head and it goes down.

Yeah, the window on your car is in the middle, which I think makes tolls hard,

doesn't it? The cop was confused until you gave him your, your ID and he was like, oh, you're Mike BJ. Yeah.

It's a retractable glory hole. Let's just call it what it is. Um, I, I, and, and I love, I mean, don't get me wrong. I love being Mike BJ. That retractable glory hole costs a lot of money to put on a, uh, to put on a Hyundai Sonata. And I'm sure it

ain't

easy.

And sorry, you, you got a Honda Sonata, which is when you take half of a Honda and half of a Honda and put it together?

Yeah, no, yeah, exactly. I needed it to be special. I got it, I got the two most boring car brands, cut them in half and placed them together.

What's weird is the front half is a Sonata and then the back half is a Honda motorcycle.

Yeah, that's, yeah. Yeah, it's actually really cool because it's, it, on the one hand, it's got the free, the freedom of a motorcycle because you feel like you're going to fall off at any point. On the other hand, I can still hit things with a lot of force. So that's the, that's the trade off.

Anyway,

I don't know why I'm explaining this to you We talked about this at length when I bought the car, but I actually like your make remaking the funeral idea Believe it or not. I think we're still on that. Um I actually do that means a lot to me that you would Go through that. You would do all of that for me? Because planning a funeral is a lot of work.

Yep! It's a shame we didn't just do that and now have to do it again.

Yeah, and we're not allowed to reuse any of the stuff that we've used from your previous funeral, or No,

the previous funeral Yeah, we have to do it all over. That's,

what about the one before that? Can we, I want a

new eulogy. I want a new priest, new eulogy. I want a new priest. I want a new story from the Bible. I want all three of those things. Okay. Let's see what we got. I wanna see what you can put together.

You got it. Mike? Uh, Adam Award. Okay. Uh, yeah. Mike, can you clean, can you sweep the stage please? Thank you. Hey, you got it?

What's up, Alex? Alright. Oh, Las Vegas. So it, it seems like. Our plan worked, and Mike doesn't realize that we actually just never gave him a funeral.

I know. Was it convincing, me standing in front of that green screen, and then you put in the, you know, the back of the, the church, and then, yeah.

Luckily For Mike, me being an idiot is very believable.

It was a great idea to close Mike in that coffin and just leave him in the coffin store while we filmed this video outside of it.

Absolutely, and I gotta say, like, it gave us like an extra, like, week and a half to prep the funeral and we did not take advantage of that at all because we still have not started. I mean, I,

yeah, I mean, but at this point it's been like, you know, we've done how many funerals for Mike? Like, 12? We, we really I'm out of ideas. I don't know. How do you feel? Do you feel like you can we can pull this off? I don't know.

Yeah, I mean you like here like you write the eulogy. I'll

I have to do it and come the eulogy that has to include a different story from the Bible besides the footprints of the sand I have to do yeah,

and hey look if all else fails When we have Mike like fake lie in the coffin We'll just roofie him and then he'll just be unconscious and when he wakes up we say we did the funeral I

am only 50 percent comfortable with the roofy thing. I say What part are you uncomfortable with? I think let's do a Tylenol PM to start and see if that is sufficient. I just don't like hangovers. Wait, how is that

different?

Um, uh, potency.

Oh. Yeah. Wow, I have been taking the wrong thing to go to bed at night.

Alex, how are you getting on with the script?

I'm not. Um, so far I only have, We are gathered here today to celebrate, uh, And that I stole from something else. Yeah. I think, uh, a wedding.

And I guess the rest is gonna have to come from me, right? The Bible stuff.

Yeah,

probably. Alright, I'll do it because it's important to Mike and I

Well, okay, when you write this sermon, I'll get to work on those new Bible verses. New Bible verses? That's what he wanted, right? A new Bible verse? I'm writing them. Oh, genius! I think that is what

he

meant. I don't think he'll mind if I write, like, on the edges with crayon.

No, illuminate it? No, illuminate the shit out of it. Draw some snails. So yeah, I'm

adding some snails, I'm gonna add another commandment. Oh good, what, eleven, what do we got? Uh, I don't know, like, I, I feel like bros before hoes is kinda implied. Well, it's gotta, you gotta keep the, uh, the syntax though, thou shalt. Oh yes, thou shalt bros before hoes.

We'll work on it. Clippy just came up on your, uh, on your screen there. Oh! It seems, it seems you care too much about your bros.

Hey guys, I just wanted to uh to say hi. Um, thank you very much for planning the funeral here at a holy name of sorrows My name is uh father father kevin And I just want to say i'm going to be Saying the funeral if you guys have any questions or if I can help out in any way, I would love to

Thank you, Father. Thanks, Father. I, uh, I would love a Sprite.

Not quite what I had in Low fat lemonade

for me. I,

uh, okay Low

fat? Wow, Alex, that is such a healthy choice.

So I have an issue with I just, well, not really an issue, but I just want to make sure we're on the same page here. No,

Starry. Or if you have old Sierra Mist. Do you have those Starbursts energy drinks?

Can you get me

Can I get a Celsius to mix with my Starry? Any liquified chicken? Do you have So you know when you buy like a can of tuna and the water that's in there?

Powdered meteorite in a water bottle?

Blood? Can I have blood? You wouldn't happen to have blood at the church that I could drink.

Weirdly, blood is the only thing that you've listed that we can get you.

Oh shit, yeah. Get us some blood and can we get some of those Gsits too?

Don't like you referring to them as that, I, but I Blood,

body on the side?

You have ticket vendors at the doors of the church.

Yes. Oh, let's let them in. Our contractors, they're already here?

We can't, we can't be selling tickets to a funeral. That's not how this works.

Oh, right. You collect money on the inside of the building.

That's correct. No, it's volunteer. We collect donations. It's about donations. And we don't even typically do that during funerals, so that's, you know, we can if you want to, but I also,

who's the But I went to a funeral once and they turned the, the POS system around and made me tip before I, I greeted the body.

Yeah, they don't have the basket anymore, they just bring around a little iPad. Yeah.

Yeah, well, okay. One way or another, I'm sorry, you seem to have been dealing with terrible churches, but here at Holy Name of Sorrows, I can't allow for these, for these ticket vendors, what, whose funeral is this that you are planning?

It's our friend, Mike. It's our friend, it's our friend, uh, uh, uh, Michael B. Jordan.

That's right, yes, um, is he the one, the fellow that had the From Black

Panther? Yes. Oh! Uh, Adam,

a word? They

killed the Black

Panther?

Hold on, priest. I'll be right back. Did, did I, did I, am I planning this for the wrong Michael B. Jordan? No, you are

planning it for Mike B. J., but this guy's giving us a fucking hard time about the tickets. I figure if he thinks it's Mike, Michael B. Jordan's funeral, he might get off of our fucking backs and let us sell tickets to this thing.

Just to clarify, our, our friend Mike is the one whose funeral this is, not No. Superstar legend, Michael B. Jordan, who has inspired a generation.

Correct. Michael B. Jordan, award winning actor, is fine.

Well, that's good. I feel better now. Okay, let's keep lying to this priest. Thank you. Sorry, I got confused. Hey, I

just got off the phone with SZA. She's so sad to hear about Michael B. Jordan dying. Oh, you don't need to spread the news. She will come to perform, uh, to perform at the funeral. It's going

to be great. Oh, no! Can you tell her to keep it under wraps? Cause I don't think the public knows yet. No,

yeah. This is going to be an intimate ceremony. Just for friends and family and ticket holders and

Okay, okay, yes, understood. And what about Forrest Whitaker? He said that he'd come and do the whole Black Panther ceremony. Can I see your

Rolodex?

Yeah, you got it right here. And he has, he has My god. A list celebrities down the Wait, I thought

I recognized you. You used to be that agent, right? Yes, that's

right. Yes. Yeah, that's right. That's me. That's me. I was, uh, I used to work under Weinstein and then he got busted. So, the only people that would take someone that was okay with sexual predators was the church. Who would've thunk?

Yeah, the more I'm looking, I was impressed at first, the more I'm looking through your Rolodex. Woody, Spacey, Weinstein, yikes. Yeah, but you know

who else is there? Lady Gaga, so I could, I could get her in here too if you would like.

I think, you know, just let us handle the invitations, and um, And you know what you could work on? Is getting us those fucking drinks. I

absolutely will,

sir. Yes,

any of them are fine. I just need three. Alex, lying worked. Now we have the run of the place.

Adam, we just lied in God's house. I don't know if I'm going to be able to live with myself. That's hilarious. I'm just kidding.

But, you know what this means. He's on board. We can really spread our wings with this thing. I'm thinking we go big. Like very big. Balloons? Bigger. What's bigger than a balloon? Zeppelin. Exactly.

We cut to the day of the funeral. The

church is now in the air underneath a zeppelin.

The church is in the air of floating on a zeppelin. The, the church is super crowded. The people have the ticket to buy their ticket stubs and then get on Balloons that take them up to the church where they step off and are able to walk down the aisle and and sit in the funeral uh The only the people in attendance are alex Adam, Mike BJ is also present with, with sunglasses on, but also SZA, also, uh, also Boris

Whitaker.

Boris Whitaker, also Brad Pitt for some reason, also, uh, every celebrity that you could Chris, um, oh shoot, what's his name? Chris Rock. Chris Rock is there. Will Smith. Opposite

sides of the aisle.

Will Smith is giving the look to Chris Rock. He looks very scared. Uh, we got, we got Henry Cavill who, uh, is wearing a shirt saying, I would not be Superman without him. Uh. Wow. Which, which,

interesting. He made that for this.

Yeah. Wow. Guys, you really, You've really, uh, uh, stepped up for me here. Well, I can't believe all these people Yes. Mike, all

these people are here for you. And you alone. No other people.

You got both Drake and Kendrick Lamar in the same room. In the same

side of the aisle, too. They squashed it. And they're not even singing at each other.

No, they're hugging each other and crying. This is, this is kind of beautiful.

Yeah, this definitely won't blow up in our faces.

I did just get the word from the stage manager though, Alex, uh, Chris did, uh, pull out of the eulogy. He said there's too much of a chance that he's gonna say Will he's gonna, he's gonna say Will Smith's wife's name and, uh, he doesn't, he doesn't want to upstage the ceremony. He said Michael BJ is too important to him. So, yeah.

I can't believe you were gonna get him to do the eulogy. I was gonna do

type five. He's gonna do type five, um, just about. Your life, and it was a lot of stuff about Jada, so probably best that he did pull out. I've never even

met Jada Smith, and I'm honored to be in the same sentence as her. This is

Oh, well Will, uh, said that she sends her regards. I can hardly

blame

him. Will? To the, to you. Oh. To Mike.

Oh. So Jada is not here.

No, she couldn't make it. She wanted to come, but she couldn't make it. But Will is here. Will is here, and he brought the King Richard shopping cart, he's gonna give everyone tennis balls at the end.

Does Jada know that I'm dead? I mean Yes. Why would she send regards to a dead body?

Well, I maybe she didn't say regards, she said something like thoughts and prayers or something. I don't know. Oh, okay.

Understood. Understood. Alright, well listen, I'm, I'm, thank you guys. This means so much. You guys put so much work into this. Can't believe you did this all on your own. I'll, I'll take a seat. I'll see what you guys have in the store. I can't wait to hear all these people say, so Mike,

you. You have the seat of honor.

Oh, I do?

Yeah.

Where's that? Ehhh. Alright, get in. Wait. Oh. Oh. Interesting. Okay. Um. Everyone

happens to be looking at their phones at the same time as Mike climbs into the coffin.

Can't wait. And he lies down.

Alex,

this is working, this is totally fine, we're in a zeppelin, nothing bad has ever happened in a zeppelin.

I feel like the universe is on our side.

Uh, Father Kevin comes in with the agent earpiece in his ear, he's holding it as he talks and he says, no, you don't understand, Tom Holland and Zendaya have to be here right now, our DJ is sitting alone and he is not going to be okay with that. Okay, you need to get guys. I I understand the funeral is meant to start soon, but we we uh, Need to need to hold off a few minutes. Uh, because are people

still on the red carpet?

People are still on the red carpet and the red but they are only coming up in the red balloons This is this is obnoxious. This is a problem.

Yeah, we couldn't even get a hundred of them. Yeah

We have 99 red balloons,

yes.

And she's here. Whatever her name is.

The German woman? Yes. German

lady. Also Goldfinger is here. Goldfinger, Goldfinger is gonna play Superman at the end of the funeral, um, which should be great, and is apt, I guess. It's,

it's gonna be, it's gonna be great. We have to, we have, we have, okay, so actually, So the

lineup is, uh, Goldfinger's gonna open, and then, Creed, Creed is headlining, obviously.

C Creed is gonna headline? Oh! Creed is headlining.

Yes, of course. We got him.

We got Sylvester Stallone coming. Oh, you know what? I just got Okay, Stallone has has a heart out. He's gotta go He's gotta go film Rocky XII. Uh, with the new Creed.

I heard about this. It's the one where he has to to fight off, uh, in invaders into his home. It's called, uh, uh, Home Stallone.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, he's been, he's been talking non stop about Holmes Stallone. This isn't a big issue. Anyway, we need to get started. We cut to

the, we, we pan to the back of the, uh, um, what's it called? Church. So I would say, I would just, uh, you know, I would do the thing with the heads. But I would do it kind of in a more, you know, menacing way.

When you're able to get me in the movie.

It's

me, Christopher Walken. I wanna know, can I be one of the guys that gets beaten up by you? Uh, Chris, you really, you

gotta stop asking me for parts. I know you're struggling. I really, I empathize. After sevens of not

getting the work, Celeste, please. We cut back to the front of the journey.

Home Stallone, you say.

So we got to get going.

Kevin. Can we do a walk and talk? Just down the aisle and back?

Sure. I heard Sorkin is here. He'll walk us through it. Sorkin,

Sorkin, get up here. Just give us a, you know, we need five minutes. Walk and talk a minute.

Got it, got it. We'll get the camera. We're rolling. You have

your sides? So, I was, I just noticed You really seem to have come alive since you got kind of back into agent mode, Kevin. And I wonder maybe that's your been your calling all along. Maybe this priest thing, you know, maybe, maybe when you go, you go, you could go back to it and maybe make better choices about who you represent.

Guys. Uh, listen, If we're gonna do Aaron Sorkin, we gotta, we gotta make sure that we're, uh, on top of our lyrics. We can't be stumbling over words like that. We gotta, we gotta make it clear. You call these lyrics? This is a musical piece, okay? I, yeah, I'm here and I'm, I'm, I'm writing. You asked me to do the walk and talk, okay? This is a prop.

Kevin. Kevin, I've noticed that you've really come alive since you've been back in agent mode. Do you think maybe that that was your calling all along and this priest thing was just a little distraction? You know

He grabs a coffee off

the table. Maybe, uh, you could go back to being an agent and just make better choices about who to represent this time.

That's a good point. That's a good point. But all of the good agents and have the good clients. How am I supposed to get back into it? I mean, Michael B. Jordan's dead.

Kevin, I have a confession. Can we go in this thing?

Uh, Aaron, you kind of need to stay. This is kind of a private thing. You can't bring the camera in here. Oh, okay. Aaron's working. Walks away.

Aaron's shooting. Wow. Normally he just writes, but yeah. Forgive me, Kevin, for I have lied to you.

Okay, I'm listening.

Now, I don't feel bad about this, but I just want you to know

That's not how this typically works. You're telling God. You're supposed to say that you're supposed to be sorry here.

I am not. I'm telling you.

Okay.

Michael B. Jordan, well, that Michael B. Jordan, is still alive. What? Yeah, this is a different guy named Michael B. Jordan, and he also isn't actually dead. So, I, go, spread your wings. What? No, it is, it's his funeral, but he's, this is kind of a Tom Sawyer situation, uh, if that's right. I'm,

I'm a fraud. I'm, I, I can't. I can't, how am I supposed to show my face in Hollywood if I'm not, if I can't, if I, if I'm lying to people? I can't do that.

Well, I did say you should let us handle the invitations.

You're right, you're right. I just, I can't get over this. I, how am I going to Dr. Kevorkian stands out, steps out of the shadows and says, you know, I can take care of that for you. Kevorkian,

you just don't, don't pull open the door of the confessional and stick your head What were you listening out there?

I was supposed to be guarding, sorry. Come on, Alex. You gotta I got distracted. They have low fat lemonade.

All right. Kevin, this is Dr. Kevorkian, I don't know if you want to kill yourself, but, I mean, why, why don't you just kill yourself?

First of all, that's something that you should go to convention about! That's, that's not cool! That's not cool! And Dr. Kevorkian says, yeah, why don't you kill yourself? Come on! Oh, is that

the new slogan, Dr. K?

Why

don't

you? I'm messing around with it, I'm trying to innovate, ok? Listen, uh. We cut

to, um, uh, 2 AM on TBS At the Dr. Kavorky Medical Clinic We want you to ask yourself the question Well, then why don't I just kill myself? Has your life been getting you down? Have you got bills to pay and no way to pay them? Did you make a lasagna for your son and he was an ungrateful son of a bitch about it? Why don't you just kill yourself?

Hi, I'm Dr. Kevorkian and I just want to say we can make it real classy, okay? We can do anything you want. We can just make it make it seem like it never happened.

We, we pan out from the TV and see that it is Kevin watching this, uh, at 2 a. m. on TBS.

Maybe, maybe I should That's all I need to know! He, uh, you see Dr. Corky and grabs Father Kevin by the collar and just yeets him out of the, out of the, out of the church in the air. And, uh

Well,

we

should get started. So just take your seat, Dr. K, and um, okay, Mike's in the coffin, and, um, alright, I guess, wish me luck. Alex, do you have the script that you wrote for me? And the new Bible verses?

Yeah, of course, uh, Alex, uh, takes, takes the Bible and wipes off like, like various crumbs and like stains and like juices off of it. And like, as he's moving it close to Adam, he's like quickly scribbling in a bunch of stuff. Here you go. Works really hard on it.

I can see, yeah. Okay. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention, um, thank you all. What?

It's just Christopher Walken finishing his conversation. So, so, sorry, I just. I was I didn't hear in time. I'll take my

Christopher, you should go from walking to Christopher sitting down and shutting up.

Dr. Koworkian stands up. Hey, Chris, why don't you kill yourself? Okay. Uh, Mr. K,

I'm sorry, doctor. Alright, alright, everyone. I just need some, uh, you know, I need your attention just for a second. We're gonna get started. Um, go, everyone take your seats in the pews. Um, okay, so, if we could just get the screen down and, um, Oh, sorry, we've got a Vito?

Yeah, it's me, what's up? How you doing? I'm here, I'm just here, yeah. I, I, we're gonna

do, I told, it's the same situation, we're gonna do question and answer after. But I will take a couple This is Alex Shearer, everyone, the writer of this piece. Um, if We'll take a couple of questions now, and then we really have We've got a schedule to keep too, so we really have to get to it. Vito, go ahead with your question. Can somebody get him a mic?

Yeah, boop. Hi, uh, yeah, I'm Vito. I, uh, I just wanna say I'm a big fan of pretty much everybody here. Uh, I just wanna know, uh, how did, uh, so, last time it was Mike I and now it's Mike B. J., uh, how did this one eat it?

Uh, you know, It's a funny story, and we fast forward four minutes into the future. That's the greatest story you've ever heard, right?

I cannot, you shouldn't, hey, every director in here should be, you should have been taking notes because that is gonna be the Oscar winning movie next year, I'm telling you that right now. Too

bad we didn't record this part. Yeah,

I just, I do wanna, I do wanna ask though, uh, after all that damage, how did you repair the body? That's uh, that's pretty

You see, that's a funny story.

Holy crap, you guys are artists. That's, that's, that's, that's amazing. Okay.

Now he actually only has four toes on his left foot and six on his right, but he's still at ten.

Oh, you know, that's great. I have another question. Everybody makes mistakes.

Vito, one more question and then we gotta get to it.

I, I just, okay. Can I, I wanted to ask about a refund on the surge pricing one more time. Oh,

look at that, we're out of time. All

right.

Yeah, and actually, before, before Adam begins, I would like to clarify that yes, I did write this, but I wrote through the hand of God, so if you don't like it, it's like you don't like God. So, do your best not to think about it, and just enjoy

Geeks. Thank you for that introduction, Alex. Ha, no pressure, am I right, folks? Anyway We are gathered here today, uh, to celebrate the life of Michael BJ. B Bee Jordan. Michael Bee Jordan, a man.

Hmm,

that's weird. I know he's a man, and, uh, you all know that too. Hmm, that's right, so far, yeah. A man about, of about average To above average height.

Okay, yeah, that's right. He falls, yeah, that's correct.

He, um, He certainly has been in many places and has certainly left an impression on all of us.

The guy

whispers to someone next to him, This guy really knew Michael.

I can't believe they got someone

Yeah, it was very personal.

And of course, who could forget the times that we've spent with this man, looking at him up on the silver screen door. Yeah.

Uh,

on our televisions. Yeah, that one time. Standing on top of our televisions. Um, And all the laughs we've shared. Well, not really. He's funny. Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. Checks out. Laughs at him, I guess. But, um, I want to share with you all a verse from the Bible. Um, The New Testament. Um, flipping through the pages here. Uh, the book of Matthew. Well, it's

typically to say gospel, but yeah, that works. The

Gospel of Matthew.

Okay, yeah, yeah. The That's one of them.

Chapter 5, verse 25. Oh, wow,

that's very specific.

Jesus Jesus stood in the temple and he looked at all the people doing business in the temple and he said, I don't like that. And he, he flipped the tables and, and ran all of the guys out of the temple. And when those guys were running out of the temple, they looked down. And they saw that there was only one set of footprints in the sand.

The coffin begins rumbling and the coffin begins shaking back and forth.

And they turned back and looked over their shoulder and said to Jesus, Why are there only one set of footprints in the sand? And Jesus said, I'm sorry, I just really miss him. And he He said, he said, that's where I carried you.

Come on, bring it home. That's where I carried you. The coffin shatters into a million pieces as Mike VJ jumps out and he screams, as Mike jumps out and screams at the top of his lungs. That's not the story. Who the fuck is that?

Hey, who the fuck is that guy? Oh my god, he's come back as a white guy!

How you Oh my god, is that SZA?

Will Smith walks up to the front of the church and slaps Mike in the face.

Chris Rock stands up in the back and shouts, Now you know how it feels!

Uh, please, people, don't leave, just, it's it's not what you think, this is we

They start storming out, Dr. Kevorkian's pushing everybody as they, as they start to approach the, uh, the balloons.

All the celebrities are fine. They're all taking balloons down, but, uh, Dr. K is, is really pushing the He's just really, really

drop kicking, pushing, and yeah.

Look, I knew this wouldn't work out, but honestly, not the worst way I saw this going.

Hi, I'm an altar boy. I'm, I'm, I'm Doug. Nice to meet you. Hi, uh, I just Doug. Yeah. I don't know, very catholic name. Hi, nice to meet you. I, uh,

Hey, listen, altar boy, um, What would it take for us to Walk away from here, and Nobody ever mentions this ever again. I mean, luckily Alex was recording it the whole time, so we have it for the memories, but we don't want any Alex you were recording it the whole time, weren't you?

Uh, Alex, like, subtly takes the lens cap off the camera. Yeah, of course.

Good. Good. So that'll make Mike happy when he calms down. Um, Mike, what are you doing up on the altar there? You about to stab yourself in the heart?

I'm not doing anything! You know, I just Go around the It comes down. Listen guys, I just gotta say, it meant so much to me that you put all this together. You really did a great job. You got so many awesome people to come.

Alex, I don't think he realizes that they thought he was the other Michael B. Jordan yet. Great, let's not say anything.

Adam read part of a Bible passage once, and you know what?

Yeah, the poem about the sand and the footprints.

That's not the one, the other one, the one about Jesus kicking people at the temple, that one was there, that one was there, I don't know if that was Matthew, that actually seems really early in the Bible for Matthew, but for true. Yeah, that's

the first part of the poem.

No, that's not it, it's not it, but, I will say. This means a lot to me. Now, I can't be Michael B. J. anymore, but you changed my life, and I also met a guy down over there that told me that when life gets hard, why don't you just kill

yourself?

That's right. You know what? That's the message that I want to take with me forever. Because if I'm not going to kill myself, things can't be that bad, right?

Right. And he adopted you?

By me. Yeah, you're right. He adopted me. He proposed to me, actually, and I'm going to change my name. I'm gonna change my name to match that of my new husband. My name from now on is Mike K, Mike Kvorkian.

Wow, so it really all worked out, huh? It all came around full circle, didn't it? I think so. Alex, uh, I think our work here is done. Why don't you, um You know what? Light those candles. We want to leave this place nicer than we left it. Light the candles here, and then we'll float down from the zeppelin.

Ha, I wouldn't have it any other way, buddy.

Whew!

That worked out. Honestly, not, not bad at all.

It's not often that you guys would do things for me at all. So the fact that you were willing to do all that you did, it means a lot. It really does.

Put a church in the sky.

You put a church in the sky, and you got all these celebrities. You, you, you, I feel, I feel appreciated. I feel like I actually have friends now.

You know what I never got? My fucking starry. Mike, Mike, can you get me a starry please? And, you know what? Nevermind, get me one of those old Sierra Mists from the back.

Okay, here you go.

Thanks, Mr. Kevorkian. Wow, I can't believe we had a, we had a Sierra Miss back there.

Well, just another day of being a college student here, which, uh. Yeah,

we didn't go to class all week, did we?

No, we were too focused on the, but you did get an A. You used this as your project for the, the mortuary science class, right, Alex? Yes, that I'm in. Yeah, that Vito was talking about. Your partner, your lab partner, Vito. I definitely didn't get kicked out of

that

class. And your next assignment for that class, uh, is you embalm each other?

Yeah, with, uh, with, like, ChapStick.

Beautiful. Slippery. Well, I guess we all learned a little something, didn't we? Um, if, if your friend dies, they just want to know that, that anyone would show up to their funeral at all. It's not about, it's not about the size of the funeral. It's about the. It's how you use it. It's not about who comes to the funeral. It's about who you leave with.

So many words to say that we didn't learn anything.

It's not about who comes to your funeral. It's about who you leave with.

I thought it was gonna be who comes at your funeral.

Well, and did you?

I did.

Great, you and Dr. K. Is

that why the coffin exploded? No coffin.

Let's record this episode, huh?

Okay, yeah, we should record an episode of our Everybody Loves Raymond podcast. You guys, you guys are still interested in doing that? Right?

Yeah, we're all, we're, yeah, I just realized

I hadn't checked in with you guys in a while about, you know,

talks about everybody loves Raymond in a very, very long time. What do you say we get to it?

Yeah. Welcome back to the barone zone. We're talking about season four, episode 16, the 10th anniversary in which Ray accidentally tapes football over his wedding. A truly. Classic episode. This is perhaps the archetypal Everybody Loves Raymond episode. Don't you think?

Fantastic premise. Very strong execution. I really like this episode. This and

The Bull Absolutely classic. and Robert's Rodeo a hell of a one two punch.

And not to spoil, but the next episode of Hackydoo is also in one that I remember very, uh, very good. We're on a solid run of episodes here in season four. Season four, man.

Season four.

What was your, any, any specific overall reflections before we Accordion.

Accordion. That was hilarious. I liked it.

Gerard, playing the accordion.

Was the song anything particularly recognizable?

Yes, that's Close to You by The Carpenters.

Oh, no, it was not familiar.

You're not familiar. I, I, it was

great.

No, no. It's a, that's a classic song. Mm-hmm . Should, uh, check it out. I,

I, I will have to,

uh, he does, uh, close to you by the carpenters. And then of course, a call back to Cousin Gerard, the smoke on the water riff. Um. No, awesome. Loved that touch. I loved that they brought Gerard back. They got Bernie and Linda in there. They got Warren and Lois non speaking. Like, it's, it's funny that they get all these recurring characters in there and then don't give anyone any lines.

Yeah, did they get Bernie and, uh, I mean,

Bernie probably had one line in the hot clothes where they're all watching the football tape. Right, right. Uh, no, no, uh, no spotlight on Bernie. Um, one person who, uh, you might have missed, probably. Well, Amy's there, also. That's right, Amy. Um, but so is Elizabeth Herring, who played Mary slash Carrie Parker in a couple of earlier episodes.

Oh, look at that!

Uncredited, and, uh, Again, no, no lines, no establishing, but evidently she's close enough to Deborah to be invited to this intimate, uh, vow renewal ceremony.

That's awesome. Um, I also want to comment, I did love how they justified not spending money making another set, uh, in, in this whole thing. I thought that was It's kind of hilarious actually, uh, that they were just like, yeah, we'll do it in the house. Yeah. Raymond would totally do that. Yeah.

Totally. I like

that part. Yeah.

Where do you think they put the couch?

Outside.

Outside? Like on the lawn? There's a,

there's a couch on the lawn. Yeah, absolutely.

Okay.

I don't understand why they didn't do the English garden outside though. That was an interesting choice.

Well, they would have to build a whole new set.

Oh yeah, that's true. We haven't seen an exterior of Ray and Debra's house before. Not

since, uh, the first intro theme song back in season one.

Yeah, yeah, that's true. We did see it then, yeah.

Oh yeah. Um,

what time of year did this, what was the date that

14th, 2000. Almost exactly 25 years ago as we record this. That's actually sweet. Valentine's Day. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. Uh, I was gonna, I was gonna comment, like, was the Super Bowl recent in their minds? And the answer is kind of, I the

1991 Super Bowl, though. It's not

Right. And we will talk at length about that, because this was a very important Super Bowl in New York history.

Really? Mm hmm.

Yeah.

The Bills, uh So, so you're saying that there's some justification for Raymond wanting to record it?

Oh, yes. No, he should have recorded it, especially as a sports writer. He should have that on record. It's just, you, but then, you know, it's the question of, oh, should he have, you know, all that stuff. That's fair. I also loved that he, uh, I loved the hot clothes. We'll talk, I know we'll talk in detail about all the different bits, but I loved that in the hot clothes, the most iconic part of the game is also cut off by the, uh, by the, by the thing. I thought that was a great touch.

earth did he manage to do that? I wonder. Mechanically. VCR, you put the tape in, you start recording. Guess the VCR Uh, the VHS tape wasn't rewound all the way, and that's why it started kind of in the middle. And then, you watch the game, you go through the game, you don't get to the end of the tape, but he must have done something to stop it from recording before the end of the tape, but also before the end of the game.

Yeah, exactly. Somebody

sat on the remote would be my guess. Yes, yes.

Halfway through. Or like near the end of the game, Raymond realized what tape he was recording over. He stopped. And then he was like, eh, probably for another day. That And then forgot about it. That's possible. That absolutely could be what it is. I like that. I like that

theory. He looks at the case. He's like, oh shit. He stops it, manages to save the very last bit of the wedding. All that footage from season 2 episode 25, by the way, they really, this was a good idea to make it about their wedding video.

Yep.

Because they already shot that wedding footage.

I also will say, so a couple things here. First of all, they mentioned that they were, this is their 10th anniversary, at the time this episode aired, nine years ago was the Super Bowl. Raymond recorded this episode Recorded this thing and erased his wedding video less than a year into the marriage

that is true It's amazing that he fucked up that big that early Also, they only had one VHS of their wedding anniversary and

also that it took them nine years to realize

Yeah, well, like you

said, they didn't watch it.

Yeah.

Oh, wait, sorry. That wasn't something that was said in the episode. That was something that was said in a very negative IMDb review of this episode. Oh. Sorry. I conflated those things. Um, there is a fun fact on IMDb, though, um, just to say this episode was inspired by the writer, Aaron Scher. Uh, who wrote this episode taping over his own wedding video with several episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond while he was trying to get hired for the show.

Oh, that's hilarious. 3, 600. Yeah, that's great. Um, but yeah, so this game, uh, that we're talking about, the 1991 Super Bowl between the New York Giants and the Buffalo Bills.

That explains why everyone was so bummed the Bills didn't make it this year.

Well, the Bills, the Bills this year is also, the Bills still have never won the Super Bowl, which is insane given how good their teams have been. But also this year was, the Bills have had to face, the Bills have arguably been the second best team in football for the past like five or ten years running and they've just never made it past the Chiefs. And people just wanted Patrick Mahomes to fall on his face and cry. Uh, while Taylor Swift was watching, so that was part of it too.

And, uh, the, uh, the Oakland Raiders, how did they do this year?

The Oakland Raiders no longer exist. The Las Vegas Raiders did terrible.

What about the San Diego Chargers, how are they doing? Not a

thing anymore either. They're now the LA Chargers. And they also were actually, they might have made the playoffs. But they were eliminated pretty quick.

St. Louis Rams?

Not a thing anymore. LA Rams. Also pretty good. Got knocked out by the Eagles.

But in baseball though, uh, How, how are the, did the Oakland A's move to Las Vegas also?

The Oakland A's are currently playing in Sacramento while they prepare the, the stadium in Vegas. But they're not in Oakland anymore so they are no, they don't have a city affiliation. They're just the Athletics.

Wow. That's a shame. It's really rooting for the St. Louis Rams this year. Hopefully they'll get it, they'll get them next time, but

What were your thoughts on how the Milwaukee Braves did this year?

You know, I think this was a rebuilding year. And I think next time, they're coming in sw swinging?

Yeah, swinging. Okay. Yeah, you got it, you got it, you're good.

Dribbling? Okay.

So anyway, that was your sports update for the, uh, for the, for the day.

And, how, was, who was the MVP this year? Tony Romo, or?

I feel like you haven't paid attention to this, to football since 2010. Is that accurate?

Pretty much.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Pretty, pretty

accurate. To be fair, I've never paid attention to football except one time a year, and that's only until the halftime show.

OJ Simpson?

Did he have a lot of

yards?

Actually, yes, famously so. He was, he's, he's still.

I know you had one yard where they found the glove.

Who doesn't have bloody gloves in their apartment? You don't know that. Come on.

Well, I've seen you try to Let's just say your home, home, uh, Homemade enemas have not been particularly successful So I know you have a lot of bloody gloves.

Depends on who you ask.

Um, so. Thank you for the sports update. Um, we 10th anniversary dinner. Debra's like, let's watch the video. Ray, of course, wants to have good old sex, but, uh, Debra makes them watch the video before they do it. They start the video.

And she implies that the video is going to make her want to, uh, to enjoy Raymond. Yes. More.

It'll put Raymond in a favorable light for her. But. Unfortunately, the video's been taped over with the 1991 Super Bowl. Now, Ray, uh, that's the cold open, they find that out, and then we come back to the same scene. Uh, and Ray goes through a couple of different stages of trying to get out of this. He blames the kids. I like Debra's, uh, line, uh, that it wasn't the kids, the last thing they put in the VCR was lemon chicken.

honestly. Good, uh, good line, good reaction because if, if I had a buddy that this went through I would kind of go through my mind too, of like this was, uh, this might be the end. Debra,

Debra is perhaps the maddest we've ever seen her. Like this is the most angry we've ever seen Debra.

But also the next day is Way calmer than I think I would have been if I were in

her shoes. She scared me with how, like, harsh she yelled. Yeah, no, she was furious. And I'm very glad that Marie and Frank and Robert kind of took her side on this. Because I feel like, way too much in the show, they Like Raymond goes to them and tells them his side. So they usually take his side, especially Marie. Yeah It's good to know that they're not completely biased

That Marie is like at first Oh Raymond What did Deborah do like she's so primed to be on his side And then when she finds out what he did even she's like, oh my god What were you about to say?

Oh, I was just gonna say, I mean, it would be kinda hard to actually unironically argue that Debra screwed up here.

Somebody on IMDb did, in that negative review I mentioned, the title of which was, Debra is a bee.

Was the, was it the full word or do they just write the letter B?

They write the letter B. You can't say bitch on IMDb, Mike.

Oh, I thought IMDb was purposefully for bitching.

No, they, well, yes, but you can't say it. Can't say it. It's not IMDbitch.

Can we get a dramatic reading of this comment or is it just too hateful to even worry about?

It's not too hateful, it might actually be underwhelming, but, uh, it's long. Uh, let me pull it up. It's gonna take me a second. You're right, show don't tell when it comes to IMDB reviews. This is not something that anyone can find themselves, either, so it's important that we share it with them. Okay, user reviews. This is from Shushu Fontana, January 27th, 2020. So, recent watch. Oh, recent! About five years ago.

That's, uh, what month was it?

January. Oh, I This is not even a pandemic. This is not even a

pandemic watch.

Uh, featured review. Nine out of ten stars. So, it's not a bad review. Oh, I like this though. Title, Deborah's a Bee. If the wedding video actually meant that much to her, why did ten years go by before she even tried to watch it? Okay, nine years since the football game recorded over it. Obviously not that important until it became a reason to whine about it.

Wow, it's amazing to me that, like, he argued for both Raymond and Deborah, and I thought he was wrong twice.

Yeah, I, I'm, I'm with Alex. He's not had a single good point in any of that.

Uh, there's, this is, there's only one other review, um, and the question, the review is a question. First ever? I am trying to figure out what the original show was that ever used this joke. When did the first TV show ever have the same scenario that a husband, or whoever, tapes over the wedding video? It is a common scenario in sitcoms, and I imagine it's had to have started somewhere. Any ideas?

Why are so many people reviewing

this now? That's two weeks ago.

No, no, no. That's over a year ago. Uh, oh shit. It's 20, 25 comment is more recent than this podcast. That's that's

yeah, that's crazy. They made this post when we were like halfway through season three.

This

is

Mike Redden's only contribution to IMDB.

Uh, Adam, I'm going to place a vote that you, uh, mark both of those as unhelpful. Um, I would

have to, Mike, I would have to log in to IMDB, which I haven't done in three years of doing this podcast, and I'm not going to start now.

Yeah, enough. Okay. Okay.

So, mad as Debra's ever been.

Debra's a bee.

According to, uh, Shushu.

Shushu. Shushu says Debra's a bee.

Marie and Frank's Kitchen.

No, no, she can be a bee. It's okay to be a bee. It's

okay to be a bee. It's

okay to be a bee.

This is what, uh, taping over my wedding video taught me about bee to bee marketing. You ever see a LinkedIn post?

LinkedIn influencer post, yeah.

You ever see a LinkedIn post? Um, Marie and Frank's kitchen the next morning, it seems like Ray slept there?

I could understand, well actually no, he should sleep on the couch, but I can understand why he wouldn't want to deal with Debra at that moment.

Marie and Frank's wearing the same clothes, disheveled. Frank comes in Marie comes in all chipper. Frank comes in demanding eggs, criticizing Marie for skimping on the yolks recently. Daddy gets his yolks.

Daddy gets his yolks. Ever refer to yourself And then Marie

has a good retort. Uh, do you ever in a Uh, Culinary or, uh, restaurant context, refer to yourself as daddy or no? I feel like Depends on who I'm cooking for. Yeah. Not as a Myself? Absolutely. So as a chef, you will, but not as a customer.

Correct.

Depends who's cooking.

Oh yeah, actually, you're right. No. No, I Yeah, no. Depends.

What? What are you trying to tell us, Mike? It's okay. You can open up.

I There are occasions in which I want to fuck the waitstaff, and in that case, I would love to refer to myself as Daddy, okay?

Yeah. Mike's waiting for that staff.

Mm hmm.

And has that ever worked? Nope. But you do get the yolks, though.

I do get all the yolks. Daddy gets his yolks.

Uh, Frank, in addition to complaining about his yokes, complains about Robert's having to use a walker post bull goring. Um, good continuity. Again, one two punch of the bull and this episode. Uh, they really know what they're doing here. Robert shuffles in. He was looking for James Lemus. The guy who videoed Ray's wedding, he's in prison, he went from doing wedding videos to honeymoon videos without the consent of the honeymooners.

Which, like, okay, hear me out. We've talked Raymond's spinoffs, this is the spinoff I want. James Lemus, or Robert finding James Lemus. Oh. I want, I want, I want the pilot episode of him doing Raymond and Deborah's wedding. The backdoor pilot. And then him being like, you know, I kind of want to see what these two get up to.

I'd like to see where this goes.

And then, they don't get, he doesn't get caught for their honeymoon, but he's like, there's like, like a few seasons, like every season's a new honeymoon, and he almost gets caught. A whole season? It's kind of like you, but with honeymoons. Oh, I get it. Genius and then like whenever they got canceled the last honeymoon, they'll just he'll get caught

makes perfect sense You could do 10 seasons 10 years between ray and deborah's wedding and when and robert will

be the beat cop on that case Connect it back.

What if it's? Robert's honeymoon with his first wife that he gets caught on. Or, he doesn't get caught, Robert finds out, and then he swears vengeance on the guy who secretly videotaped his honeymoon. Yeah, and

that plants the seeds for his first wife to be like, And you didn't even notice? How can you protect me? Exactly.

This is good, we're gonna cut that out and we're gonna pitch that to CBS.

That's the better call Saul of everybody loves Raymond.

Better call Lemus. Better

call Lemus.

Now there is a crew guy on IMDB named James Lemus whose first job was in 2002. He's a craft service guy. It's possible, but it seems unlikely, that Aaron Schur crossed paths with him. But it was such a specific name that I was like, Has to be someone so I didn't know if it was like another writer from something he worked on earlier or something, but no Probably just someone he knew personally.

Fair enough. Okay helpful unhelpful unhelpful, uh, but We move forward so I did like Just to kind of, uh, go through this a little bit, I did like that Marie immediately suggested this thing, which is a genuinely good idea. I did like that she immediately was like, and I'll take over it, I'll save the day. Um, and I'm actually very happy they didn't dwell on that conflict between Debra versus Marie taking over the whole thing.

Yeah, that was wrapped up pretty quick, but it still got a nice payoff once we actually got to the ceremony. Agreed. Yeah. Um, I do want to call out Marie's line in this scene, um, when she's yelling at Ray. You have taken Debra's wedding away, and no matter what people may say about her, she's still a woman. And you don't take that away from a woman.

That's a great line. The unnecessariness

of it was very funny.

One of my favorite things to do when I just want to mess with people is just in the middle of a conversation, being like, I don't care what people say about you, you're great.

And then walk away. And then just Wait a second.

Yeah,

you said that to me earlier today

several times. Yes, and it's true. I really don't care what they say

Thanks, Mike. That means a lot to me.

Yeah what they all say and all the and they comment to

The comments are like

unhelpful

Ray pitches the vow renewal to Debra. Um, it's clearly not about the tape for Debra, you know? It's about the consideration of taping over the wedding. It's not about the wedding tape itself.

I liked the scene a lot. Actually. I thought it was Well done. They were funny jokes, but outside of that, yeah, it was a good moment for Ray and Deb. I liked it.

Okay. Ray and Robert planning the wedding on the kitchen table. Let me ask you a question. Mike, I know the answer, but Alex, have you ever bought porn to save face while buying something else?

Mmm, it depends. Have you, what do you think I, okay, well, okay, I've, I've bought porn to save face from me buying a worse porn. Where it's like, oh no, I didn't mean to get that one, I meant to get this one. Dude, that's where you would get

You come in with like

your wad of hundreds out and you're like, I can afford this, and you buy like fancy porn to like keep up appearances, is that what you're saying?

And then you get the one you really want and it's like, oh I guess I have a little, I guess I'll give this a try, whatever, I don't, I don't, I don't need it.

Where are you buying porn? No, seriously, I have

not.

Where are you buying porn that there are, there's something that you would be embarrassed about getting but not the other Porn. The,

the, the ceiling fan store.

Oh. Yeah, where they have it at the checkout.

Well, yeah, well, they only, there's only fans there.

Nice. Uh, Adam, Adam, can you put in a, a boo soundtrack after that joke?

No. Hey, that was good.

was so good. It was so good,

I had to explain it was speechless. That

was rough. Actually, actually, just that radio silence just extended for like three times as long as it actually happened. Um. See, this is where you and I differ, Alex. I don't feel shame about the porn I buy. Do

you wanna

Okay, Mike. Do you wanna expound on the details of that? Do you, do you want, like, the national anthem to play behind you when you say that? I would

love that, actually. We could, we could put a national anthem over that porn statement. That would be fantastic.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen, Mike is now going to read his porn statement and, uh, he will be backed up by the Marine Corps Band. Give it up for the Marine Corps Band, everyone.

Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Uh, my fellow Americans, I just want to say that I dream of a world Where no one, anywhere, ever, has to feel shame about referring me by.

Bald eagle.

Doing a 21 gun salute. I was not shooting you in the head. Working on a, working on a motif. Robert suggests Cupid. Ray's brilliant idea is an English garden. It's classy. Um. And Sunday tea. No dinner. I don't know if you need a motif. I think just classy is enough. Like, you know, some nice flowers and decorations and you're sorted. Maybe if it was different in the 90s you needed to have a motif. Or the 2000s, or 2000. Well,

if you're using specifically your living room, you need to make it feel like it's not your living

room. That is true. Andy and Gianni come over to watch The Game. Another game. Another game. Ray, Andy, and Robert, do you think this is the same? Game as what Robert was coming over to watch in the cold open of Robert's Rodeo like This is the same sport.

Oh, definitely. It's only a week apart Makes sense in timeline.

Uh, they come over to watch the game Uh, they got their invitations to the Vow Renewals. Ray, Andy, and Robert get really excited about the hors d'oeuvres. Chicken satay, stuffed mushrooms, chocolate strawberries with little bow ties, wearing kiwi hats. Gianni contributes. And then Marie comes in, holding the invitation, offended that she didn't get asked to plan it, and, uh, Ray's response is, So is this your RSVP?

Nah, it's rule three, so I'm with you. We, we have a, and then the following scene when she does the lasagna, it's, it's great. I loved it.

So we see the ceremony, not much to say, I don't, anything you guys want to say about the wedding planning? Scene. I don't, no. The wedding signing

scene was fine. It wasn't anything. Give it. Yeah.

Okay.

Let's go to the, the, the good stuff. The big event.

So the ceremony, uh, we've got Gerard playing the accordion. We got Bernie, Linda Warren, Lois, Amy, father Hubley, Mary slash Carrie Parker, uh, playing close to you by the carpenters repeatedly. Robert is furious about the strawberries wearing regular ties, not bow ties. Uh, but luckily, Ray has spared his complaints by Marie and Frank coming over. Marie comes in, just, I've got a lasagna, everybody, don't worry. And she just puts it down next to the hors d'oeuvres.

Dr. Kevorkian.

The funniest Marie line I've seen thus far. Just out of nowhere. Such a great delivery. I laughed out loud at that. That was great.

That

was a good one. I'm with you. And as he's talking, Ray realizes that he forgot to write his vows. Which is such a great payoff because they didn't hit the vow thing on the head too much in the initial scene to where it was like, this is the stakes of the episode. It was really kind of subtle and then this payoff felt very Uh, like, strong to me. Um,

I agree. Yeah. I, I like, it feels very Ray, but in this kind of weird refreshing way that is not like, it doesn't make me go like, ah, damn it. It's more like, wow, he worked so hard, he forgot like the most important part, and it's kind of like funny. Yeah,

he worked so hard on the decorations and everything, and he forgot the The only thing that was important to Debra.

It's, it's not like many of the other Ray isms where like he had to do one thing and he didn't. It's, no, he, he actually had a lot to do and just like The comedy in there. It's like the it's ray, you know,

it's very he did

he did good, but he forgot the most important

thing

Yeah, it's

so it's miles apart from like the checkbook where he's engaged in this Long screw up that he just keeps digging himself deeper on this. Is he legitimately tried? But just this farcical thing happens, uh, where he forgets to do one thing that totally screws it up. Um, Deborah ends her vows with, I didn't write them down, but they end with, thank you. And then they look at Ray, and his first words are, You're welcome. His vows. I am so happy to be here on this occasion. Love is in the air.

I so deeply love that he just quoted, uh, he just, he just started doing Lou Gehrig. I loved it. It's such a

Is that what that is? Did you not pick up on that? Yeah,

no.

Why would I know a Lou Gehrig quote? Because

it's one of the most famous speeches in, like, American history. It's like, this one, uh, I had a dream. Uh, you know, and then this one. This ranks. This ranks pretty good. No, yeah, Lou Gehrig, uh, after being diagnosed with ALS, steps out and addresses his crowd in his last game saying, I know you all feel sad for me. Feel sorry for me. But I can today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth. So he starts quoting Lou Gehrig Which is just I just such a great such a very

funny. Yeah.

Yeah,

that's such a good joke Debra realizes that he forgot his vows instantly As she references Lou

Gehrig

The whole thing melts down. Uh, Ray never told Robert to tape the ceremony. So they didn't have Debra's vows, even. And he starts spiraling, he's talking about But I did all this, look at the hors d'oeuvres and Uh, the lilies of the valley the damn florist didn't bring. But Debra's like, lilies of the valley? You remembered my flower? Father Hubley seizes that moment. He's like, kiss the bride,

kiss her, kiss her. Kiss her now, kiss her now.

You will never get a better opening.

Father Hubley's a, uh, uh, Father Hubley's for the dudes. I love Father Hubley.

Well, he follows the eleventh commandment. Thou shalt bros before hos.

Thou shalt bros before hos. Yeah. That was a great addition you gave me.

The King Alex version. Uh, as they're kissing, Father Hubley asks, oh, as Ray is giving his speech, he reveals that he, uh, taped over the wedding video. Uh, Father Hubley asks Robert as they're kissing, if I may ask, what game was it? Ninety one, Super Bowl, Bills and Giants. Good game. Good game. Ray mid kiss. I know, I still have it on tape. That was funny. That was like a He tried

to, he tried to fuck it up.

That was like in a 70s sitcom when they would end a scene and everyone would applaud. That's what that felt like. That was such a good button on the scene. It was.

Well written. Yeah, and then that end credit scene was also just like fire just a nice little flip on the beginning.

What a wonderful. I'm with you Yeah, that was that was great All the

men watching the football tape cuts back to the wedding right before the my favorite

part is you know, what happens? You know what happens? I forgot I

Really really strong episode

All around amazing episode. I'm with you.

I

really like this one. Mike, your insight on football actually made this episode more enjoyable for me, retrospectively. I'm

gonna try to not be offended by how surprised you sounded just then, but I appreciate the sentiment.

Mike, you finally came in handy.

I know, I did it. You did it.

Speaking of doing it, I'm not talking about good old sex, I'm talking about I know. Our classic barometer, if we don't have any other thoughts on the episode. Okay? The barometer, then, we'll turn our attention towards. It's our, uh, classic scale from 1 to 10 on which we rate Ray's performance as a husband, brother, son, VCR.

Hit it, Ray. Oh, it has, we will have some problems. Look. Honestly, if we are just looking at Raymond in the span of time from the beginning of the episode to the end of the episode, I think he did great, but do we add to the consideration of past Raymond from 10 years ago in how we report to how he responded to this now? I'm gonna say I'm not going to take that into consideration personally, but you guys can.

I'm gonna be all the way on the other end of that spectrum. Uh, because, so here's my thing, right? Okay. Okay. So.

Nice thing, Mike.

Thank you. Can you please

just zip up for now? Oh, that's fine. Well, no, you can show it off later. Oh, okay. I know you don't need my permission. Hasn't stopped you before, but this is a professional environment.

My lawyer has discussed with me that I need And Dershowitz

can go home. Like, he doesn't have to be with you all the time.

But he's my bud. He's got, all right, Alan, you can go.

He really, without the rest of the dream team, not a great lawyer. Got to be honest. Yeah,

he's really not.

You need Carthash. Anyway.

My, my thought is that his recording over the super, over the, over the wedding is relevant to this episode. I can't separate the two picks. Cannot, because this is the time we learned about it. If not now, when else are we going to judge him on the Superbowl thing? So I'm going to say it's relevant. It's number one. Number two, he, even though he does indeed put a lot of effort in to making sure this goes off well, he forgot like three or four of like the most important things to do.

Yeah wide berth Um, yeah, it's hard to separate the art from the artist on this one as, uh, concerns the VHS. Um, you can't, I, a reasonable person, you know, in this court of law, a reasonable person would look at the, Dershowitz, go home, Dershowitz, go home.

If he, if it doesn't quit.

If it doesn't quit, what?

If it doesn't quit, you gotta go home.

I go home. A reasonable person would not grab the case for that VHS and look at it and think, this is a tape I can use for, uh, recording this game. So Ray is already starting very low and I, I, I just can't imagine he didn't know what he was doing at the time and hoped that he wouldn't get found out. I really, and especially with this piece of the tape, the football game ending before the tape ends. That's, that's the smoking gun. That's the glove.

Yeah,

that glove does fit. You can come back, Dershowitz, you can come back in. That glove does fit. So, I can't acquit.

If this tape stops, you have to acquit.

If the tape stops rockin Mom's spaghetti. Love rap. I have to imagine he knew what he was doing. I have I can't acquit. So, I can't separate that. I think he made a legitimate effort to make it up to Debra. But, like you said, Mike, he forgot to record it. He forgot to write his vows. I don't want to go exactly between you guys, but I'm gonna go with I'm gonna go I'm gonna go four. No. I'm gonna go three. Actually, I'm gonna go lower than you, Mike. Ooh!

Right.

It's the only explanation.

You're right.

Three.

Three. So we got a three, a three and a half, and what was yours? A seven and a half, Alex?

Yep.

Okay, so a 3, a 3. 5, and a 7. 5. That brings us to an overall average of a 4. 7 for this episode. Whoa,

it's kind of disappointing that it kind of ended up right in the middle.

Right, right down smack in the middle, yeah. What if

I, what if I change my score to a, a zero?

What if I change my score to a negative twelve?

What if I change my score, hear me out, a hundred? For

Oh, positive a hundred?

Yeah, for lilies of the valley only. I care that he remembered the flower.

So in that case, the score doesn't matter, and it's almost like this actually doesn't matter that much, the brown is, the barometer doesn't really matter that much at all.

You're right, we should stick with the, the scientific method. If I'm sticking with three, 4.7 sounds right to me. Um, cool. Yeah. I mean that isn't that the always the way though? Like we all, all of us Americans have different views, but we always have to end up meeting in

the middle. Get, get the band, get the band to do the, to do the, uh, the national anthem. Go, go, go. Cut that out. Uh,

as all, as, as Americans, we have to bring the, uh, we have to meet in the middle. Um.

Uh. Uh. Uh.

Uh.

Thank you, Dershowitz.

Alan, where'd you get that trumpet?

Multitalented. Mike, are you and Dershowitz an item?

Not anymore, I'm with Kevorkian now.

Oh right, I forgot you married Dr. Kevorkian.

I married Dr. Kevorkian.

Is this the only time you've changed your name? Not from dying or being on the run, but because of marriage?

I think, I think it might be, yeah. I think, yeah, I, I, I have a very what might.

And just to clarify, you're still a virgin, or?

Yeah, we haven't consummated yet.

Okay. What, is the rule like you have to do it in 24, you have to do it in 24 hours or it's annulled?

I don't think there's a time limit, actually.

What am I thinking of? I don't know. Oh, I'm thinking of the episode of Friends where Ross and Rachel get their Vegas wedding annulled because they hadn't consummated it yet.

That's, oh, well, that might be a rule in Vegas. It ain't a rule for, for Kevorkian. And

you're saying I shouldn't get legal advice from Friends.

I'm not saying that. I got a ton of legal advice from friends. You know what I learned? Dershowitz taught me that sometimes in law, you have to pivot.

All right, that's it then. I think, uh, on that note, we should pivot to Look, I've spent a lot of time with the Bible this week.

I'm gonna kill you guys.

So I just thought that maybe we could I hate you. End this episode with

I'm gonna jump off a I'm gonna jump off a

bridge. Kevorkian, sit down.

Hey, hey, hey, we can take care of that for you. Hey, Dr. Kevorkian

Kevorkian, Mike, control your husband.

Honey, honey, could you just wait outside with Alan? Oh, all right, okay, I'll take care of him.

You know what has to happen now. I just thought we could, we could, um, pivot to sharing something, you know, talk about all this serious stuff on here. What about something inspiring? Something that The listeners can take with them into their week as, as sort of a, a little ray of hope, you know?

Thank you. That's my favorite virgin.

Um, Rude. But, yeah, and we'll do that, and then we'll have Mike do one, and then we'll just see, you know, which one probably resonates the best with the listeners, given the demographics and everything. You know, we got Cambridge Analytica working on it, and we, we know what people like, so. What do you got for us, Alex? Any closing thoughts you want to leave the listener with this week?

Sure. I'll just flip to the random page of the Bible because it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Isaiah 54, 5. For thy maker is thine husband, the Lord of hosts. Kevorkian,

sit down.

And thy redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of the whole earth shall he be called. Oh, okay.

So not, just kind of, interesting. No, I mean, I think that's good. I think that sets the stage for Alright, I'm going home. No, no, come back, come back. You need to do the sign off. Come back. You can't leave. If you don't do the sign off, you don't get paid. I know, we signed a contract. It's gonna

be hard to, uh, it's gonna be hard to beat that.

It's gonna be hard to beat Isaiah, but I think, Mike, you gotta try and, uh Yeah.

Just speak from the

heart and let the Lord speak through you.

Yeah, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna go from the Bible because you can't beat Isaiah as we, as we discussed. But I, I did read, um, something from these spiritual, uh, advisors that I actually recently subscribed to. Uh, it's, it's from something called the Baroness Zonis. I don't know if you guys have heard of it.

What, uh, chapter and verse?

It's, it's actually just in this guy's writings. Uh, it's just, uh, I believe it's second book, chapter four, page seven. Uh, is, is what it is, what this is. And it, it, it, just, just a, I can't recommend this guy highly enough. Um, if, Baronezonus, by the way, we'll leave a link down in the description. Um, and you guys should all sign up for it because it's fantastic and it is a, you know, you pay once. Lifetime fee. Lifetime subscription.

Lifetime fee, you pay for life.

You pay for life. You pay once, you get lifetime access, uh, you pay what you want, um, one extra, one extra episode of the Baroness, uh, of the Baron Boys every month. And, uh, this, this comes from the reading, like I said, the second book of the, uh, of the, of the Of the spiritual advisor Hang in there, and I just thought that that was so so beautiful And so that's

beautiful and i'm looking in the in the book now, and this is a dusty old tome There's a beautiful illuminated. It's a beautiful illuminated manuscript with in the margin a cat hanging off a tree branch That's

powerful

stuff

If I if I didn't if it wasn't for the bronizones I think That I would have finally listened to Gavorkian. I think it would be me.

And are you sure you want to say that? Like it's real? Like that the Baroness Zonas kept you from committing suicide? No, I

didn't want to do that actually. As soon as I said it, I was like, this is a bad idea. So, uh, we're gonna cut, we're gonna do a little snip snip on that part.

Um,

and we're just gonna go, you know what? I, it's what's keeping me going. It's what's keeping my marriage with the doctor pretty, pretty, going pretty strong. Uh, and I, uh, I highly encourage everybody to give it a try.

Beautiful. Alex, to be honest Nah, it's And I know you can't beat Isaiah, I know. Can't beat Isaiah. It's cool, man. I've seen the t shirts, it's, they're everywhere. Everybody knows this, you can't beat Isaiah, but

You

To be honest, I feel like, based on our listeners and just the way that the economy is right now, I feel like people are really going to be drawn to the Baroness Onus, so I think we gotta go with Mike's this

time. You gotta go with the Baroness Onus. Mm.

Wake up Alex. I'm sad. I'm sorry. I promise. Next week we will use yours. No. Or Mike's one of the two.

No, no.

Was there any, you say that all the time. I mean it every time. Well, I mean, if there's no other business, oh. Um, Mike, I am so sorry to be the one to tell you this. I just got a text from your husband. Oh yeah? He wanted me to tell you that he's not coming back. He's leaving you for Dershowitz. Apparently, it fit.

No!

So

Damn it! Damn it doctor. I knew this would happen. I'm gonna keep his last name.

You're gonna keep his last name?

I'm gonna keep his last name. He's not getting away from me that easy.

Nice. That's, that's power. That's, you know, you know, that, yes. Yes. Well another, another missed opportunity for Mike to have sex, but That's a shame, Mike. I'm so sorry. But, um, you know, just remember, why don't you consult with the Baroness Zonis, and, and maybe find some peace there. But in the meantime, I think we only have one last thing to do here, which is our classic sign off. Isn't that right, fellas?

Absolutely. I guess.

Okay. Everybody

loves Raymond, and we love

you. Caw! Caw!

Bald eagle.