Come On, Eileen / 4.5 The Will

Good morning students and faculty of Lynbrook University. As you know, each week you are required to watch an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. This week, your episode is Season 4, Episode 5, The Will. If Ray and Deborah both pass away, they decide they want Bernie and Linda to adopt their kids. We recommend watching this show as soon as possible to prepare for what you are about to hear. And, uh, to the owner of the large ghostly pirate ship that is floating over the quad.

Hey Mike, did you hear the news? Uh, no, I actively avoid cable. Great. Do you want to know

the news? I would actually really like to. Yeah. I I've found that it's kept me out of the loop. My, my. Yeah.

Well, apparently the, uh, the, the podcast hosts of that Friends, uh, rewatch podcast all died in a tragic, uh, Friends related accident.

The Bing Bros died?

Yeah, they binged too hard. They drowned in a fountain. They binged too

hard? I told them! I tried to warn them that they had to take it down on the binging. It's

not Well, at least they were there for each other. Yeah.

Yeah, I, that's, that's what you gotta say. They were always giving each other Guys. Guys,

guys, can you, can you come into the, the church, the, the Sarah, the ceremony, the funeral is starting. Um, they're doing the eulogy right now for, you know, for the Bing brothers.

There, as we walk into the church, we hear the, uh, the,

the friends,

like the friends theme, but it's like played on like, uh, Like an organ, and it's like we all have to clap when we have to clap, like, for the song.

As the pallbearers Really

somber.

Yeah, the pallbearers are very, very sadly walking up the aisle, but there's a weird turn. They get to a corner, yep. So they all have to yell out, they all have to yell out, PIVOT! As they turn the Pivot, pivot. Pivot, pivot. As they turn the coffin back up, back up the

Yeah, I can't believe you didn't hear about this, Mike. We're literally here.

Yeah, I can't, how'd it happen? What, what'd they do?

They drowned in a fountain. They binged too hard, Mike. They got in the fountain and they did Chandler's little dance in the fountain where, you know, he's wearing the vest and he does like this, waves his arms around. Does this fun little 90s dance, and they slipped and they fell and cracked their heads open in the fountain. All of

them. Yeah,

I saw them practicing that. They tried to pull their, the others tried to pull their bodies out and lay them on the couch to, like, do CPR, but it was too soft that they just pushed them into the cushions and they couldn't get any leverage.

Yeah, it's real sad. You, you, you see, you see, you know, some amazing people die like that. You just wonder what's gonna happen to their, their baby. And by that I mean their show. No one even knew the password to their network streaming site. Now no one can continue the show. Oh yeah.

When that card gets declined it's all gonna be lost. It's such a tragedy.

I'm just spitballing here, could it be Chandler, Joey, Ross, Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, one

How many characters is that? Six. Pfft. So take out the

three.

I shouldn't clap in the funeral, sorry everybody.

Well, he claps at the inappropriate time, like everyone else starts like doing the

I know, I clapped off I clapped off beat, I'm so sorry. I was just really proud of Mike. And you know, it was funny because the last thing he said to me was, Dad, could I be any more alive? Hey, hey, hey, it's not your fault. And I guess the answer was, yeah, I'm giving my eulogy, sir. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Mike, get off the stage! You in the front, in the aisle here, just sit down.

I'm sorry, I was overcome.

My son died in a fountain.

And we are all gathered here today to remember an amazing show and its hosts. Lord, hear our thanks. Hear our subscribe. Hear our likes.

Everyone bows their heads and opens their, um, what are those called? Bibles?

Yeah.

Uh, a, a, um, what do you call those guys? Alter boy walks down the aisles with a basket and inside of it is a QR code for people to rate and review the podcast. Mm hmm. Five stars. They, they're all giving five stars. Mike, stop. What are you doing? Mike, don't give four stars. It's a funeral. They're literally dead. What are you doing

the show left a lot you're writing a

long a long review

I'm not a fan of those podcasts where it's just white men talking over each other That like it kind of gets a little bit too much stop talking over

Format they had a premise in a format. There was a lady on that show They had a lady every like 25 episodes or something.

Yeah, I mean it was it was great. I'm sure they they

pretty much talked over Her, and it is only the one woman, talked over her every time, and she got about five minutes of, of talking in, but she was there. She was on the cover art. Yeah,

I, I don't know, I just, wasn't a big, yeah, they, they did make, they did feature her quite prominently on the cover art, I was, I was a little disappointed that, uh. That she wasn't there. They also, it's real Replic baby switch also, they also copy and pasted her on the cover art three times to represent Phoebe, Monica and Rachel. Um, so I, yeah, yeah, they did

a little, uh, Hugh, um, adjustment on her hair though, so that it would, you know, match up. Yeah, I just.

I don't know. I just listen. I

what I like about their cover art is that they did give everyone Rachel's and it looked great That was a good honestly that part. Okay,

two stars

That's more like it Mike

gotta keep it.

Oh Shit, it's still but this somebody's talking someone's reading from the Bible. Sorry We should keep our voices

Jesus was like, oh totally I will die for you, bro And then the bro was like, Dude, why you gotta die for me? Why don't we just, you know, kill him? And Jesus was like, Nah man, that's not my way. Here, help me carry this plus sign. Truly a remarkable man.

When did Alex go up there? He, he got up there quick. We're sitting in the back. I'm not a part of this.

Yeah, I, I was gonna say, this feels like the gospel according to Joey. It, it feels, it feels very, uh, very strange. Yeah.

Let us do the, uh, the traditional Mike, you know what this is called? Mike, I'm looking at you in the back. What is this called? Where the priest says, like, uh, you know, and also with you. What is that called?

The, the Blessing? The side of the, side of peace? I guess, yeah, let's do the Let,

let, let's do the blessing. Okay. Um, Everyone, uh, do you count them in three, two, one, or

I mean, everybody just kind of knows when to do it. I guess we can do it now if we really want to.

All right, go ahead. Everyone. How you do it. How you do it. And also how you.

They all, the, the, the mass proceeds in various friend themes ways. And then at the very end, the father, the father stands up and says. Alright, uh, let's take our friend bro our bing boys to their final resting place. Everyone, you may resume the break that we were just on. And they all start exiting, exiting the, the mess.

That was

okay.

They're going on the big break in the sky.

Yeah, this is, um, this is a lot, guys. I, I, I saw a lot of myself in the Friends, Friends, Friendscast. I, um

Yeah, you did when we, when we decided to do the They were the ones that you said we should rip off, so. Yeah. It's hard to feel like, you know, a little part of ourselves are dying. Yeah, it's hard. Not to make it about us, but it is kind of about us. It's hard because, oh, it is kind of about us. It's like when Prince died, I was so sad. I, this one was really hard, guys. I took it so hard when Prince died, and I. You know, I don't know if you saw my long posts on Facebook about Halloween.

several of them. We, we saw a couple.

Did you see the one of me in my Halloween costume as Prince?

Yeah, um, not super tasteful, I will say. But, you know. Well,

what exactly did you take issue with? I, okay, um, just. Is it the fact that I was Charles and I said I was Prince?

Yeah, yeah, kind of. Honestly, like, I mean, when you say I'm Prince. I imagine you're, like, gonna put together, like, a thing of purple rain, or something like that. I was Charles. Yeah. I

was Charles, and I had a little button that said R. I. P. Diana, and I was playing a big purple guitar. And I thought that was hilarious.

It wasn't.

It wasn't that creepy. No, that was

hilarious. No. I don't have a

great sense of how it played because I did it at home, took a picture in the bathroom, and then took it off. I wasn't going to like, a costume party

or anything. Felt in poor taste because Prince had just died. I did do a day of.

Day of of Prince dying, yeah. Yeah, Prince

famously dying on

Halloween. And then of course I did a lot of GIFs of him on New Girl.

Yeah, we We know. Um, yeah.

Well, boys, you know, when, um, when things like this happen. I made new

ones where it was like Prince, like, looking, looking all crazy to the side like a new girl. Like, what the heck's wrong with this new girl? And then it was like Prince Charles looking back at him like, I know, right?

I take Alex, uh, to the side here, uh, and I say, Listen, Adam is not taking this well. He's kind of gone off the deep end here. I need to talk to you about what's going on. The Bing boys Hey, do

you guys like Prince? Check this out, look at this picture of me. Oh, that's more new girls, we're friends. I like Prince.

Uh, so No, I'm

listening. Uh,

so, the problem is, like, the Bing boys Their podcast is done. They, they, they, their God, their legacy is over. You know, it's like, it's not, I don't

know, this,

this, this kind of, this makes me frustrated. I don't know.

I mean, it really does make me think right about. Kind of where we are as a, as a podcast. And, uh, you know, if this was to happen to us, right, if we were to, I don't know, get run over by a police car or, uh, hit in the head with a golf ball or baseball at high speeds. It's like, what, what would we even do? You know, I think we have to start thinking about making sure our podcast ends Eve or part our podcast lives on, even if, uh, we do not, you know, I think that'll make Adam feel better.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think you're, I think you're right because Adam is, I think Adam would agree with us, we got to. Well, who do we want to, who do we want to take over the podcast after we go?

Wow. Actually,

Adam should be in this conversation. Adam? Adam?

Oh.

I'll be right back. I would like a raspberry beret.

I mean, there's a Yeah, what's up? I'm trying to sell people. I don't have any Stock yet. I'm sort of like on spec trying to sell people Raspberry berets little red Corvettes, obviously You know all that stuff doves god. I've got doves, you know coming out the wazoo. Are they fine? Not yet? When they do.

When they do. Oh, when doves cry. I'm sorry. That's the name of the song. It's when they cry.

We're trying to figure out who's going to take over the podcast when we die. Oh, yeah.

Oh, um, I mean, the being, honestly, I had sort of put together a short list, you know, pretty much a day after we started of like, because, you know, Mike was going through his health troubles. Um, who should we get to, like? Replace or hand off for like what should we you know who's who's good in the game of rewatch podcasts now that could take over for us and the bing boys were obviously top of top of list absolutely but they

were the prime.

Yeah i know what about i mean. There's always the Kings of Queens, they're kind of like our natural, you know, we've never like crossed over with them just because of, you know, we don't, it's sort of like, you know, we see them and it's like a work acquaintance and like, you don't really want to get like too engaged and so you're just kind of like, oh, hey, yeah, how's it going, but you know, every time we're, because we go to the same Sunoco and every time we're at the pump, I see them filling

in, I'll say that's kind of

their wiener mobile, and they drive around to different neighborhoods in Queens and hand out packages. . Yeah. I, I will say that I, I don't know where they get them from. Mm-hmm . I think they're doing a porch pirate operation, but I see them, I wave, but I haven't really like, you know, brought this up to them or like, really talk to them, but, well,

why not? Let's go, let's go see what's up with

them. Yeah. I mean. Mike you can text, um, Marv, right? Yeah, you got his number. He gave you, he gave you his number at the podcast mixer.

He was very emphatic about giving me his number at the podcast mixer. It's

the Brooklyn Queens Nassau Podcast mixer. Of course, of course. Such great networking.

Yeah. So, okay. Yeah, I'll put it in here 9 1 7 5 1 6 2 1 2. These are all the New York area codes.

It's only nine numbers Slap a zero on it. Yeah, give him a call my Alex. Let's go over here Mike I don't know if you should take it in the church is all I'm gonna say. Oh, yeah We're gonna go look at the casket before they yeah, it's so pretty

Can you Sorry, sorry a

lot of people in the congregation cry, of course because it's too soon but excuse Wow father that was Okay.

Yeah.

Look, it has rest in peace in the friends font. It's a, it's a lot of letters for the friends font. Hello, Marv.

Marv? Hey! Hey, Marv! Um. Hi! Hey! It's, it's Mike from the, uh, from the, the, uh, Everybody Loves Raymond Cott podcast, the Barone Zone. How you doing?

Uh huh. I'm just, uh, my dog left.

Ooh, kay. Um, hey, Marv, would you

Oh, I'm so

Oh, I'm Okay, well, I'm at a funeral. I don't like the accusatory tone here. Don't know if you heard, but the Bing boys bit, bit the dust. Yeah, I heard.

Invited to this busy del You know how it is.

Don't think I do, actually, but that's okay. Um, look, could you meet Like, us, real quick, I, I kinda, this has gotten me thinking about a lot of stuff, um, about the future of the podcast for us, and I, I think it'd be beneficial if you and, you can bring your whole crew if you want, but, uh, I know it's late and your eyes are getting weary, uh, but, uh, it would be, it would be really great if you could, you could come down to, uh, Limburg for me.

Psst, Mike, Mike,

ask

about

his back. Oh, uh, oh, I'm sorry, what, how rude am I, how, how's your back?

Hey, the phone

hangs

up. That was really insensitive, Mike. You know his back has been getting tight.

You told me to ask about his back!

I thought you were gonna do it a little more tactfully. I'm sorry, I just looked at a body and maybe, you know, it's put things in perspective for me about being kinder to our fellow man, but

Well, he's on his way here with his whole crew. Should we meet him?

Sorry to criticize you immediately after a stressful phone call. This

is, this, you guys, you, you're making the next one, okay? If Marv, Marv won't do it. This is, you're making the next one.

Okay, but I'm positive that he will do it. I mean, they've expressed, honestly, they've expressed interest. I hope, you know, I, I got a package from them once and they were like, Hey, if you guys ever need us to. Take over your podcast. We'd be more than happy to, of course, that was, I think that's in every package that they deliver. Kind of a cold calling operation.

They're trying to, to steal a podcast off of somebody here. It kind of, kind of sucks.

I think they don't like the King of Queens that much is the sense I get from them.

Yeah. It's kind of not about the show. Look, are we really sure that they want, that we want them to be, I mean, we called them, so they're going to be coming over here, but like, like we said, they're, they're not. The most, the most friendly to our listeners are, are our listeners really going to want to transfer over to King of Queens? Like, I don't know if that's a natural transition. I don't

think the, this is something we'll have to work out with them. I don't think they're going to turn our podcast into a King of Queens podcast. You know, it's still the same child that it always was. Maybe its last name will change. But it's, it'll still have the same DNA. Absolutely. RNA, Raymond, and a nucleic acid. You

know,

let's go to the top of the parking garage where we have all of our podcast summits

smash cut to the podcast summit the Which is what

the top level of the parking garage at Lynbrook University is called It's got like its own little gate and you have to what you have to do is hold up the QR code the Spotify QR code for your podcast at the little Reader and then it will let you in Right. It's podcasters only and the cars are, are all

bad and old. You also, we also see that there are ads on the sides for, um, NordVPN, for, uh, Audible, Squarespace.

All the, all the spaces in the parking lot are squares.

Yeah, exactly. Uh, with different, with different code, different code words at the bottom of them for every part of the zone. The,

the cars that, um, the tires have been stolen instead of being on cinder blocks, they're on HelloFresh boxes. Right, right.

Hang on guys, it's voice activated. Ahem. Hello and welcome back to the Barone Zone. Alright, we're good. It never recognizes

me.

No. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Because he, I just, your voice just sounds too different on, uh, like on recording or, I don't know.

I put a lot of, you know, obviously the listeners don't know this, but you, you guys know, I use artificial intelligence to completely change the sound of my voice. I

kind of figured. Yeah, absolutely. You

sound. I have a heavy Scottish accent.

Yeah, and we appreciate you undoing that.

And that's why, that's why when I try to do an accent, it sounds really bad and weird. It's because of the, the, it sounds perfect as I'm doing it in person. Yeah. Once it goes through that filter, man. No. Okay, here, let me park.

That's canon forever. The Queen's van is already there. So they've got a UPS van, uh, Spray IPS.

IPS. How dare you.

They have an IPS van. The, the, the Kings of Queens are already sitting around the podcasting table already having their headphones on. Hey, hey guys, sorry to keep you waiting.

Ah, this

asshole. Hey guys. Hey, Marv, um, it's good to good to see you.

Yeah, yeah, you know the crew. This is Steamy Gin. Eyyy.

Steamy.

And this is Nicky P. I'm Nicky! Yep, that's all they say.

Congratulations, Nicky, on on getting out. You know, of the Yeah. Of the big house.

Yeah, I'm Nicky, I'm free!

That's probably Marv, you probably like that because you produce produce the show, right? And those prison phones that, you know, terrible fidelity.

Terrible audio. It's just so weird when one of us sounds so, like, worse than the other two. I hate that. Ay, Nicky

tried his

best.

That man, okay, guys, we should, like, come in as soft as we can because it sounds like they're being a little passive aggressive to each other

right now. They're kind of already Hey guys, I just gotta say, you guys used to be the closest. Guys I've ever seen in my entire life, and I just gotta say it feels like there's some tension here Can we, I don't want to be a jerk, but can we acknowledge that? Is something happening? Yeah,

steam, is it cause Nikki went to prison for involuntarily manslaughtering your wife, or?

Yeah, my, no no no, we covered that up a while ago. That's, uh, that's, that's fine. That's water under the bridge.

He got 800 grand, right? So why is he complaining?

I'm Nikki and I dunno.

So mm-hmm. If everything's okay, and you, you mind if we, we have a seat here, please. Uh, pull up a

John.

It looks like you guys, you guys are using, uh, like a four track recorder here, so I guess we'll just, we'll, we'll all huddle around one mic. That's fine. Literally, we will both Alex and I will huddle around you, Mike. That's fine. Yeah. I'll hold, I'll hold to share this microphone. I'll have the microphone. We have

one mic here with us. And we'll talk into his ears. Alright, everybody put on the headphones.

Alright,

so, guys. Okay, only one pair of headphones. Alex,

if you could get in between me and Adam. Why do I have to ride bitch? Adam gets one ear. This does not work.

I can't hear anything.

Are you sure? We'll turn up the volume real loud so it goes through us and you can hear it that way.

Can we get a test, Marv? Can we get a test?

Test, test, one, two, three! This is Marv and the boys coming at you. See, Alex?

Or hear, rather? I can

hear it. I mean, I can hear it because he's sitting right there. Yeah. So I guess it's okay.

Yeah. I think this works and is normal. Um, so listen.

Marv, you're, you're a, you're a man of deals. And I just gotta say, the, the, the bing boys, uh Scared, scared. We're shook. We're shook it. We're, we're, we're gone. We want to make plans for our pod after we, we go into the great white, uh, the great, the great big paywall in the sky. Alright, um, and I, uh, we are such big fans of the Kings and Queens. That we kind of wanted to, what would you guys say if we left you guys as caretakers of our podcast?

Yeah. In the event that all three of us died at the same time. And then if, you know, Mike died, we would like, you know, rotate each of you in and then Alex dies, you know, another one, and then eventually you've replaced, like there's multiple ways we could go about this, but just in case we start dying,

so you guys are big fans of our show, huh?

Big fans.

Nikki doesn't know if Nikki believes him. What's our sign off?

It's, it's um. Um, It's I don't care, cause all I wanna do is end my pod and drive right home to you? Lucky

guess.

Yes, uh. And then after like the, you do your little like credits tag, where, you know, you thank your network and the producer and everything. Then it, you know, you hit it again with the, cause baby, all my life I will be doing pods for you. I think that's, It's nostalgic and yet timeless.

You're a lucky motherfucker, you know that? I don't think you like our show, I don't think you listen to our show, but I think you just got fucking lucky.

No, I mean, I love your guys show. When you break down the episodes in exhaustive detail, I think nobody goes into the level of detail that you guys do.

I don't think it would be such a bad thing to expand in the inevitable demise of you three. Tell you what, Nikki P, go grab the, the standard podcast transferal pod, uh, contract. It's right in the truck that's parked right in front of us. It's next to the emergency brake. Nikki's going. And assuming nothing goes wrong, we'll set this up and sign it.

You, you normally keep all your legal documents under the emergency brake?

Well, how else are you gonna remember it's for emergencies?

Smash cut to Nikki, POV from Nikki. Nikki's, Nikki, Nikki. Oh! I'm going to, I'm going to ban. Here we go. Oh! Oh, there it is. And we see the emergency brake, uh, just with a, under, on, uh, just on top of a straight up glut.

Back is getting, back is getting tight. No, their backs

were getting tight. No, that's not this one. Their backs were getting tight. Their eyes were getting weary and their backs were getting tight. At least they don't need to They were sitting Traffic, Queensboro Bridge. They were sitting on traffic by the Queensboro Bridge. No,

hold on, let me Everywhere you look, everywhere you go. Oh my god, there's so many I think there's like multiple funerals backed up here at the chapel. The

full house crew? Hit the dust already. That's for

Sagit. That's for

Sagit.

Yeah, they're a little late.

That's for Sagit, they're late. They didn't get their shit together in time. Um, I don't wanna, sorry everyone, I know like it's a triple funeral, there's a lot of family here, I know you don't know who I am, I think we kinda got, Deacon, I think we kinda got, hey that's funny that your name is Deacon. Yeah, I'm Deacon. You know like Doug's friend, on the King of Queens? Yes.

It's kind of just my job.

Have you ever seen the Have you ever seen the King of

Queens? I I Maybe an episode or I Listen, I'm a millennial.

Maybe you shouldn't be doing this. I'm a millennial.

I I like So am I! I I don't know, man. I liked, uh, when I when I was growing up, I like I watched Seinfeld. I didn't watch any of this crap.

Did you watch New Girl?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you ever see the one with Prince?

Yeah, yeah, I did, yeah. I loved that episode. Alright, let me close

this tab on azlyrics. com. Look at this picture of me.

Whoa! Oh, that's such a great cosplay! That's

awesome! Get off of the stage! Whatever it's called in a church. It's called an

altar, first of all, how dare you. Second of all, I'm the deacon. I can do whatever I want.

You kings and queens of bitches have gotta wait your turn. It's okay, Nona. It's okay. It's okay. Oh my god. That's pretty dope. I like the Prince Charles bit. We should get out of here. This is a rough crowd. A lot of Nikki's prison friends are here.

I can't believe they let the prison go for this funeral. It's a day trip. It's a day

trip. It's a day trip from Rikers. They took him over, oddly enough, the Queensborough Bridge. And uh, brought him out here. Um, and then they will all be going back. Hopefully nothing goes wrong. And, y'know, we end up with a sort of prison break situation on our hands, I mean. Adam,

don't look now.

Hm?

But that thing you said that probably wouldn't happened? It happened.

There's a ruckus outside of the church doors, which are open. Um, as the departing and very upset inmates, uh, clash into the cast and crew of Full House, as well as some hangers on, you know, recap podcasters like The Fullest House, um, which is part of our Uh, social circle, they were at the mixer. Even though they're San Francisco based, they flew out for a live show at the Gramercy Theater. And, um, a brawl breaks out. We all run outside. Oh my god, everybody calm down! It's okay! Oh my god!

you

look! There's carnage. Everywhere you look. Oh my god, look on the ground. There's a heart and a hand. Oh god, this is gruesome. I'll hold

on to that.

Oh my god, uh, Donnie. Donnie, come here. Donnie, Joel. Jessup. I'm Joel. Here, come on. Come on guys, quick. Get into, get into the camera with us here. We'll be safe in here. Here,

we'll carry you home. Mike, uh, floors it and the camera screeches off.

Oh, thanks Jermad, I appreciate that. It's very nice of

you. Yeah, I mean, that got real brutal really quick. I'm, I'm glad you guys got invited to the, to Bob Saget's funeral. That, that must be a real, like, get for you guys. While

we have you though, would you be interested in, uh, taking our podcast off our hands in the event of our death?

Yeah, so, you know, there's been this spate of unfortunately timed podcast, uh, podcaster deaths. Um, they've all seemed to be accidents so far, and it's just got us thinking. Mike

pulls up right behind one of those trucks that's carrying wood logs, um, just, just like, yeah, it can't keep happening. It really just.

On top, on top of, um, the thing of wood logs, you know, those are held together by like, you know, pretty thick, like nylon, like rope. And, um, there are a bunch of birds up there, uh, woodpeckers. They're trying to get at the logs.

Yeah, so anyway, it's gotta be impossible, but we just wanted to know, you know, it happened to, um, it happened to the kings of queens, it happened to Bing boys, it happened to The Fullest House. Well, actually, no, you guys are The Fullest House. But, uh, it happened to

It happened to Bob Saget, but that was unrelated and really just sad. He

really is quite a I just saw on the news that, uh The new Girl Rewatch podcast new cast just also met an untimely demise.

Oh, not new cast? No. Okay. So yeah, we, we just wanna, we just wanna cover all of our, uh, all of our, um, I

feel like, sorry, I feel like new cast, they really shouldn't. I know they were trying to be inclusive of all genders, but I think they. A lot of people confused and they thought they were like an, a um, orthopedics podcast. Yeah, yeah, that checks out. Um,

yeah. Yeah, they should have gone with Podgirl as the name.

Well that, but then, you know, those clones that do the, the podcast, those lady clones. They would have had something to say about that. And it

also, it also wouldn't have made that much sense because it's three, it's three white guys who are doing the show, so you know, it's wouldn't have

made much sense. See, my pitch, my pitch was they should have called it Who's That Pod? It's Cast. But they didn't really, they thought that was too wordy, so.

And you, and Mike, you trademarked that, right? Yeah, I did. That's a good one. Okay, good.

Yes! Um, but, but yeah, I mean, I'm sorry, excuse me, it's just, I'm, I'm so hungry. Mike is, Mike puts, starts driving with his knees, he takes out a bagel, he starts creaming, cream cheese in the bagel as he is driving. Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, that

is not, that is not safe, come sit in the back with me and Alex. Oh yeah, sorry.

He unbuckles, leaves the driver's seat, comes back in the seat.

But anyway, here, uh, Jess, Jess, you get up front there and drive Jeff's. Yep.

Alright, thank you Jess. So, um, Donny, uh, who was, was that your name? It's Jeff,

yeah. Donny, Joel and Jessup. Donny Joel. Okay. Sort of like Danny, Joey and Jesse

Got it, got it. Uh, appropriately named Jessup is a great name by the way. Big fan. Yep.

Just wanted to get your take. What do you guys think? Would you, uh, would you take over us if we, if we, uh, you know, eat it?

Well, we have to talk about everybody loves Raymond.

Uh, I guess kinda?

Yeah, it's kinda non negotiable.

I mean, to be fair, you don't need to talk about it, like, a lot, like, but you should, you should touch on it, you know? You should mention it.

Ten minutes, Max. Yeah. Uh, I mean, we could do that. As long as we could, like, talk about Full House and Fuller House around it. I don't see why we couldn't dip in What's, what's the lady's name, Darnell?

No one in their right mind would click on an Everybody Loves Raymond Rewatch Podcast. And then, like, and would expect to hear any mention of Full House at all. There are two things people hate about podcast rewatch shows. Like, they don't want mentions of things that are not relevant to the actual show, and they hate meta jokes. So avoid those two things.

As the truck in front of us slams on it's brakes, and obviously the woodpeckers have been hard at work.

As the, uh, as the brakes are slammed, and as the woodpeckers leave the thing, Mike drops his bagel and says, Oh guys, you gotta help me look for my bagel! Oh god! All three Barone boys That is not

gonna come out! All three Barone boys look down, right as the wood

crashes through the camera, and destroys everybody else.

The, uh, the, the fullest house guys, their heads, um, you know, are, they're hit in such a way that they get instantly decapitated, but because we are laying like leaning down in sort of a brace position, trying to get this goddamn bagel off the goddamn floor, because cream cheese is really hard to get out of automotive carpeting, um, their heads roll onto our backs. We sit up. Oof, we gotta do something about these seats. These are not comfortable.

it? I still feel it. Hey guys, what happened to

the roof?

Donnie? Someone

raised the roof.

Joel? And, uh, and Jesus said, No, stop. And Jesus said, Every

time.

Everywhere you look where you only see one set of footprints. That's where I was there. I don't know that quote well enough. Sorry. I don't

think any of these guys have read the Bible.

Sorry, there's the thing, Mike. Thank you so much for helping me. After the King of Queens won. Yeah. I am. Wait, that wasn't me. After, after my friend got fired from the King of Queens incident. Deacon, Deacon. They brought me in.

Yeah. Yeah, really unfortunate.

They flew me in from Westbury, um, helicopter. I, I've been so nervous about this, this eulogy. So there's, there's the thing, right? With Jesus and the Prince in the sand, right? Cause he carried you.

Yeah. That's, it's not in the. Bible.

I was, I was, what? It's not

in the Bible.

But I was in my aunt's kitchen and I saw it on the, on a, like, piece of driftwood. Yeah, yeah. It was painted in script on a piece of driftwood. Is that not from the Bible? No, it's

like a nice poem that someone wrote. And it's like, you know, it's

It said Leviticus on the bottom. Is that just the guy's name? Well,

first of all, that was wrong. Second of all, Jesus wasn't in Leviticus. That happened before he came around. That's, but yeah. Wait

a second. Yeah. Hold on, let me look through here. There's a whole. Wait, what is this second? What is this first part? Yeah, that's the old testament. The fuck? Who the fuck is Abraham? Yeah,

that's yeah. No, he was, he was, he was the OG. He was a good guy. But anyway, I don't really think that that has much to do with the, um, funeral. I think that that's, you know, you tried your best. That's, that's kind of what, what matters. Well,

I was just thinking of like, you know, everywhere you look, everywhere you look, there's a heart, a hand to hold on to. Yeah, no, that's a good one. There's a face of somebody who needs you, you know, that's why couldn't that why couldn't somebody be Jesus? Well, I really wish you had taken my call last night because this would have been really helpful to work out before I feel

like you could have said that without saying that Jesus wrote the full house theme

Is that what I implied? It's what he guaranteed. Jeff, Jeffy, altar boy, come here. Ah,

I'm Jeffy.

Go, go around and pick up all the programs because there is an egregious misprint in there.

Okay, papa.

That's my son, don't tell anyone. I'm not, I'm supposed to be celibate. Oh,

I was gonna say. He seems really familiar with your father. I, uh, yeah.

He, his mom doesn't know.

His mom doesn't know that she had him?

She knows that she had him. She doesn't know that So, her, she had sex with me and her husband on the same night. It was the night that I did his late circumcision.

Oh, we have a we have a Mamma Mia situation here. It's a

thank you sir, down in front. It is a bit of a Mamma Mia situation, minus one. You are saying So, it

should be You did say this is A secret and you're speaking directly to the microphone to talk about it.

She's not here unless wait. Oh God. Um, and hey, Andrea, so good to see you. Shit. This is bad news for me. She

is upset.

And I should, you know, not to brag. It is Andrea Barber who played Kimmy Gibbler on Full House. That's why she's here as it turns out. I need your help, Mike. I'm going to need you to take over because she looks mad. See her husband. He looks even madder.

Yeah, I understand. You're in trouble, sir.

I gotta get out to the parking lot. Wait, hold

on. I, I, I am in need of spiritual direction, father. I, okay.

What, what

I, I know you're in the middle of things and that

look, just go through the rest of the full house theme and just, you know, the milkman could be Jesus, the paper boy could be Jesus evening tv. Maybe a little bit of a stretch, but that could be like the Bible or something. Okay. I don't know. You'll figure it out. We took 101 at UCB together, right? So you should be, just improvise.

Yeah, gotcha. Okay, um, okay.

Everyone was so happy when a priest showed up at their level 1 improv class, man. They were all

so happy. They were all so stoked. I remember that. There were a lot of jokes that made me uncomfortable. I can't only imagine that you got even more. Uh, but yeah. They

got to the spotlight stuff pretty quick, didn't they, Mike? Well, I gotta go. You got this.

Hello, everyone. Go Mike! Okay, I did not expect an applause break at this funeral. Um, so

Just supporting you.

We're gathered today to, um, remember Donnie, Jessup, and the other one. Um, and Oh, Nona, Nona, it's okay, it's okay. Well, we wanted Joel! Joel, Joel, Joel was the other one, that's right, that's right. Um, we just wanted to I just wanted to make a comment, um, they, they understood the world. They understood a lot. They understood a lot about God and they, they, they were great. Milkman, could, Milkman could be Jesus. People

start clapping real San

Francisco could be Jerusalem. You don't know. As, as Mike is doing

this, we get a little, we get, the organist does a little like gospel sting. And the band starts playing. You know doing like drum hits. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,

and DJ Tanner. She could have been John the Baptist and Yeah, and Kimmy Gibbler. I see you back there Gibbler. I see you back there Andrea You you could have been Peter. You could have done all of that. You could have done it You did the 12 the 12 apostles There were probably 12 people on that show at one point and you know, what else? You know what else? You know how Michelle was played by two people. We'll throw a third one in there, and that's the whole intro. Yeah!

Mike starts the the band kicks in and Mike starts doing the Urkel up on stage and the crowd goes wild. Mike, this is a great time to get off. Let's go. Let's go while you're on top. And another thing. Yep. No, no, no, no, you're not gonna top that. You're not gonna top that. I got

it. I

got it. I got this one. And

no way in hell you're doing better than that.

Rebecca was Judas and I've run off the stage. Oh, yeah, I mean, they did sort of scratch their head, but the music was I don't know whether or

not I respect you more or less now.

I thought you were Catholic. So it's, I'm impressed that you could pull off that lively a service. Yeah.

Yeah. No way. That, that, that felt good. That felt, uh, what is this called

by the way? This is, this is the apps. What is this that we're in this little room off to the side? That

would be the sacristy. The app, I believe in apps is a snake. Um, so,

No, you're thinking of apps, I

think. No, the apps

is what you get before the entree.

Alex got it. Alex has it. Alex got it. That's right. Yeah, that's it. Uh, so, yeah, I, guys, I don't know what's happening. I don't know who's got it out for all of these podcasters. But listen,

I mean, it seems like they've all been random. I was gonna say acts of kindness, but that's not what I mean It seems like they've all been random maybe to the podcast listening audience Too many rewatch podcasts out there a little bit It's good, but I hear what you're saying Mike. It seems like it's gonna be difficult to find a podcast Team that's willing to take over our show. We might have to start digging the bottom of the barrel, you know,

I

mean, we could always ask,

no, no, we can't,

and we could, I mean, we cut to, um, the, we see an exterior shot of an apartment building in Manhattan and the slap base.

We bust through the door like we stick a weird pose Podcast

it's it's our favorite Seinfeld rewatch podcast. Hey fellas. How's it going big fans?

Uh, guys, listen, I, I know, I don't mean to interrupt your, your meeting of the, um, cast, medians, and pod talking. Jerry, I know this is a huge episode for you guys, but I gotta listen.

Yeah. Yeah. Hi, hi, uh, Mr. David. So nice to meet you, uh, in person. I hope you're not presently embroiled in, you know, some, some sort of, uh, social. Faux pas, that's going to have sort of long, long term kind of ironic consequences for you.

Oh no! Why would that ever happen? No, come on! What are we doing?

Great. We need to talk to our friends here, um. If, if you guys, if the four of you would like to, to come with us, um, Jane, um, Gary, Kramer. I'm

just called Kramer. That's fine. I just happen to have, I just happen to have the same name.

That's, that's, that was your hook, right? That's why you guys started the podcast is because your name is Kramer. My name is Kramer. Yeah.

I'm Kramer Smith. Who would have guessed? Yeah,

we have a similar hook, actually. And you have that, you have that, uh, Weezer podcast, right? My name is Kramer. My

name is Kramer. You know it. You know what? So, uh, listen, guys, uh, we, we, we're in the middle of

course, obviously, we've got Jane, we've got, um I'm Kramer. Kramer. We've got Greg. Yeah. Gary. Gary. And Gary. Yeah. And Kramer. Okay. So let's Yes, come with us. Come with us. Let's go into this room that, uh, you know, the bi where the bicycle is hanging in the back of your apartment here. I guess it's more of a hallway.

Uh, listen, guys, I don't I'm sorry, we're we're not gonna take up too much of your time here. I just wanted to, um, Listen, we just got a very important ask for you guys. If there were anything to happen to the Everybody Loves Raymond podcast, I know you got so much on your plate here. The Barone Boys would really appreciate it if you would take up the podcast in our place.

Yeah. Please! I don't know. Can I be honest with you guys?

Uh, I, I, I guess so, yeah.

Of course. Please. You're slow potters. When you do your podcasts. Your rhythm, it's a little off. It, you know, They all sort of, their shoulders raise and they sort of gesticulate. You know, It's, it's, it's pretty slow. The timing, it takes you out of it. It's, you know, I'm driving, I want to be, you know, immersed into the sound, but, uh, it's a lot of uhs and ums and, you know, I

don't want us to turn the pod on two times speed! That's just not good! I've turned it on three times before! Oh, it's still so slow! Still too slow! Well, wow.

Well, I mean, we tried, we tried to edit it, you know, and like take, take some us and ums out.

Yeah, but it, yeah.

Sorry. I mean, I, I hope it's not too distracting, but you, you guys could, could speed it up a little bit. You know, you've got that fast talking New Yorker. Kind of thing, I don't mean, like, I don't, I'm not trying to be stereotypical or anything, but Ehhh,

no no, I don't, I don't really think this is our speed.

Uh, as we're negotiating with them, um, Larry David is in the, the living room, and he's kind of, like, struggling with his fly, like, we didn't see this, but earlier in the day, like, he got new pants, and the fly is just sort of not right, um It's not a fly. No, but come on, guys. You can do whatever you want with it. It, even if you want to talk about the talk about everybody that was running for like five minutes at the end, and you can just make this another feed for your podcast, you know?

Uh, okay.

Really? So it's a, so it's a yes.

Just don't die. We'll be fine.

Okay. So I'm glad, I'm glad that you agree in principle. Okay, great. Let's uh, let's shake on it. Mike, they might not want to shake hands with you because you know, you've got the, you've got the man hands and it's kind of, uh,

and

Alex don't, don't take your jacket off with the puffy shirt. Got it.

Jane and Gary. And Kramer shake, uh, Adam's hand and they all walk out of time. Just, I mean, I kind of figured. At that point, they'll be dead. What are they going to know? We just want to use it, right?

As, uh, as we make the deal, and everybody, um, walks back into the living room, into the living room, all seven of us, Larry David is standing up at the table, and he's got, um, you know, he's been struggling with this fly, and of course we walk in at a very inopportune moment, and find him in a Jeffrey Toobin situation, with his hand all the way down his pants, um, and he's really struggling in there.

God. Oh my God. Whoa. Hold on. That's bigger than I

expected. Wow. Nice hog Mr. David. Damn. This is penis.

We call, we catch Larry David tubing. We smash cut back to uh, our

a funeral.

Mike

is up there, um, he, alone.

The

organist has gone home and only the church slap bass player is there.

I, uh, today we had Larry David die of embarrassment. I guess this finally curbed his enthusiasm.

Don't, don't forget to, Mike, don't forget to mention the four people who saw that and had heart attacks. Oh, yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry. Um, that, that turned out to spread. And, um, we lost, we lost a good podcast today. All the, uh, cast medians in pod talking Jerry. We never found out how they were doing. We never found out what the deal with that was. We never will ever. No, but the deal is with that. All we have left are our memories and good TV, good TV.

And the podcast, The Feed is still, until, you know, until their card, the charge fails because the bank has closed their account on account of them being deceased, we'll still have the podcast. So, you know, folks, if you. They're coming around with the QR code. If you like download those to your phone, you can hold on to them.

Yeah,

so So, um, this one's a little lighter. Yeah tendons. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, well it is 10 p. m I feel like it's also the 8th. Yeah, I was gonna say rules

This has all been one day. This is

one day, baby.

Wow. But it's almost over. I also think they weren't super well, they were kind of bad people, right? I mean, they hurt a lot of people and were kind of blasé about it.

Yeah, yeah, they, uh, they didn't really care that much. No. But yeah, in, in Jerry's, uh, uh, in Jerry's name, we say Newman, and the entire, uh, the entire, uh, audience says Newman in, in a very hateful tone when they disperse.

It's about 15 people. Nona, you're not sad at all? Oh my god. Died in a whore, okay. All right, Nona.

Poor Nona, my god. She's had a tough day. All right. Yeah, it's

tough that it was bring your Italian grandmother to school day. All the time. They were all on hand to witness these grisly murders.

So yeah, this is um, this is a tough day, but listen, you know, I've been thinking about it. None of the podcasts that have perished today Are going on at all. Like, they're just, their podcasts are just ending. And actually, that's pretty nice. We have a nice little memory of that. Of them and the work they did. I think that when we die, the Barone Zone dies with us. What do you guys say? I

agree. Suicide

pact. Suicide. No. Yeah, I'm with Alex. I'm with Alex on that one. I'm

gonna advocate for a gradual approach. Okay, obviously Mike dies first. What? Hold on. Agreed. You know, Alex and I keep it going, maybe we bring in somebody else or maybe we just, you know, start putting less effort into it. The diversity higher. Then one of us dies, one of us sort of turns it into their own personal audio diary, it gets a little Unabomber, you know, and goes off the rails, and then that person inevitably will die as well. At that point.

I like it. This seems scummy, but I'm here for it.

What about that seems wrong to you?

The in perpetuity part. All right. Suicide pact. 1, 2, 3. Suicide pact. All right, fine.

We

suicide pact. All right.

Okay. Can we sit in the graveyard because, uh, there's this, you know, I don't really want to go back to the dorms yet. Um, there's still all the benches set up from the, from the burials. So let's just, let's just sit in the graveyard. Oh my God. Is this where, is this where Mario Cuomo's buried?

Wahoo! I don't know why that got me. Legendary New York governor, just like, wahoo,

like Mario, you know,

that's a great joke, Alex, good job. You know, I got it. I got it. Yeah.

Yeah. Let's sit around Mario Cuomo's grave and just record, um, our podcast, the way that we do it and we'll do it until. We

die. Until death do us part.

Till death do us pod. Till

death. New podcast. New podcast.

We should do plan. We run out of Everybody Loves Raymond. We do till death, but we do it slowly. So it, it, the Brad Garrett succumb till death. We do it slowly. So it lasts for the rest of our lives. Actually, we could probably do it in a normal pace to start because Mike, you'll be pretty close to the end at that point. And then. We'll gradually slow it down, because you know Alex and I, based on the actuarial tables, we should live for MUCH longer than you.

Doeth Path.

This is a graveyard.

All right, let's record. It's

so disrespectful. Let's record. Stop tubing. Let's

record. You can't make me. Let's start recording.

Stop to I know they're new pants. Stop tubing in the graveyard. Poobin. Poobin in the tubing. Are

we even recording for our first Jerry Tubin bit?

Well, I don't know who Jerry Toobin is, but, uh, yeah, sorry, I am talking about Jerry Toobin who's a local newscaster here who got busted for touching his dick on a Zoom call. Not to be confused with the other Toobin. Um, yes, so, stop Toobin in the graveyard. I gotta. If we put that on a t shirt, will we get sued by Jeffrey Toobin?

Probably.

Okay. Okay, sit down, stop touching your I've

stopped touching it three times already.

The great thing is all of the podcasters who died today insisted on their headstones being functioning microphones. So we can just plug in our recorder here and we can get down to work. Okay. Ready? Ready. Welcome back to the Barones. Ready? Welcome Well, I don't know if that was a delay or just a well timed Welcome back to the barone zone. It's time to talk about season 4 episode 5 the will in which Ray and Deborah decide that if they both Pass away.

ring any bells for me, but I thought it was a very funny. It also did not ring too many bells for me, but I really enjoyed it.

Well, I only really remembered the hot clothes because I remember them talking about cold calling people to take their kids. Um, I did not remember the specifics, you know, uh, different cake every Friday. Uh, you know, the 800, 000 life insurance policy. Frittatas. Uh,

800k seems like a lot, right? It's not just me?

Radical transparency? That's more than my wife will get if I die.

And I mean, this is also like 20 plus years ago. And that's before inflation.

Oh yeah, well how much is that in inflation? And Rea is like established

to be like a pretty Not famous, but like, well off guy who's like, well known, it's like, Yeah, that's still a lot of, still a lot of dough. I mean, good

for Debra. Honestly, I would've killed him already. Um, I, we now have, uh, this all in the back of our mind, I think, or at least for me. Every time Ray screws up, every time Ray's a jerk, I'm gonna think in the back of my mind, Why is Debra putting up with this? She could have 800k in like, a heartbeat. But yeah.

$800,000 in October, 1999. Has the same buying power as you wanna guess.

I'm gonna say 1.5 mil,

Alex? Uh, I'm gonna say little over three mil. Okay. Mike was closest. It was $1.49 million. Oh, okay. I overestimated. So that sounds like 800,000. Sounds like a lot. Putting it in today's dollars it sounds like. A shitload.

It sounds like more. That's how it works.

Sounds like, it sounds like, you know, maybe baseball accidentally hits Ray next time. Kind of money.

So can I be

Maybe Debra's at bat for the Mets. There you go.

I would love it.

Love that conspiracy. That's how the series ends. Honest. Haha. Robert pitches to Debra, 100 mile an hour fastball. Debra whacks it. Ray's up there eating chocolate cake in the booth, bam, right through the skull, head explodes all over Andy. Right before impact, actually rewrite right before impact. Smash cut to black. Don't stop, believe.

I love it. That's how you end a series, baby. They did recently actually put, uh, nets in base in, uh, farther along the foul lines because people kept getting hit in the heads with baseballs and doing, like, serious damage to them while watching baseball games. So they, uh, it's not a problem anymore, but I could see this being a real problem back in the 90s. I As funny as it is, how nonsensical it is, it actually could have been dangerous. So hey, good on Ray for being worried.

Did this happen to you? M

Maybe.

The reason you, the, the, reason you bring it up, like, you know, that we should be sensitive to the fact that You know, this caused a lot of problems for people. Did you, were you sitting in the stands?

Legally? I can't comment.

You were eating a big sandwich and the ball went in between the bread and knocked all of the sandwich meat and cheese out and you were eating a ball. I choked on

the ball. That was the big issue.

You took a big bite in a foul ball sandwich in the late 90s. Yeah, that's

it. Yeah, you got it. You got my backstory. You happy? Now everybody knows. Now I need to change my last name again.

Explains your teeth. Um. Ouch. Yeah, it's, it's, uh, a rough situation, but it does really feel like champagne problems. I'm surprised, I'm surprised I didn't have champagne up in the press box. Different cake every day. Every Friday. It's hard to be, uh, that's, oh yeah, that would be unreasonable. Yeah. Different cake every day. Um, are there enough, how many, Mike, how many seas, uh, how many weeks is the baseball season?

162 games, uh, April to beginning October. So it's at 6 months, 6 times 4, roughly 24, 25 weeks.

Can you name 24, 25 different cakes?

Carrot, chocolate, red velvet, triple layer, um, birthday. Uh,

we'll count that as three. Birthday, seven.

Uh, ice cream, uh, devil's food. Cup.

Nine.

Um. Ten. Um, um, uh, cheese. Pfft. Eleven. Um, um, um, I'm out. Um. Pineapple upside down.

Um.

Vanilla. Pineapple upside down. Ok.

Twelve, thirteen. Um, fruit.

There you go. That's good.

That's fourteen.

Lasagna. Count it. Yep. You Lasagna is a cake. I hate you. That's okay. Um,

15.

I got it. I heard the number, but,

uh, Pardon?

But, kids call that

cake. Oh, bund. Yeah. Um. Um, I mean, we've got the euphemism cake. Cake, yeah, yeah, yeah. Colloquial, that's 17. We've got the band, Cake 18. Yep, yep. They came in and played in the press box. Oh,

By the Ocean, that's a song.

Sure. What, the Jennifer Aniston movie, Cake? Cake. Uh, we're at 20. We're at 20. Um, I mean, Let Them Eat. Cake. We don't know which one she was referring to. You dunno what she was referring to. Mm-hmm . That's true. We're gonna count that as something. Um, there's gotta be four more. There's so many more that like, there's gotta be four more types of cake tier. Masu. Um, yes. Uh, pop cake. Pop. Oh yeah. Cake pop. Cake pop. Yep. Cake cake. Pop. Coffee. Coffee cake.

Yeah. How are we? How?

24. Can we get one more? Can we get one more? Oh. And it should be, and it should be funny. Crumb. Yeah, yeah, not very funny. We'll move some of the order of us seeing those around. No, no, no, we'll keep it. We'll keep it.

Yeah, we, listen, we just made these people listen to 25 different kinds of questionable cake. We did it. Oh, frittatas! Frittatas are a cake. How? Yeah, that's a thing.

Yeah, so there's more than 25 and we know all of them. Yeah, we know. Okay. Alright, um. Even if one of them was the band Cake. Um. The other

one was the song Cake by the Ocean, but that's okay.

All right, anyway, what if if cake were to play the the halftime show at the Super Bowl, what would you want to hear distance?

I don't know a single cake song. I will be a hundred percent.

You know the distance, you know the distance You know short skirt long jacket. You might know Shadow stabbing

you're getting off topic Okay, so I

could name 25 cake songs right now I believe you Can I

bring up the elephant in the room here? The main debate of this episode. I think I understand Deborah's concern about Frank and Marie raising Allie, Jeffrey and Michael, but their primary her primary concern being they're annoying. I don't like them. They're rude. There's okay.

Yeah,

they're still the natural caregivers. If you're not choosing Deborah or Frank, You are going to need some model citizens and that you are close to to justify doing something else, and I gotta be honest, I don't think, uh, Linda and, uh, Bernie meet that criteria. I think they were crazy to want to make it, uh, Linda and Bernie. I really do. To be fair, they did just have a kid. Okay, yeah, but they're not expert parents or anything, right?

Oof.

Six. Do that math one more time. There you go.

Yeah, that's why I was oofing. The bad math.

Okay.

Yeah, sorry.

Um, I think you got four natural choices, or two. Marie and Frank, Warren and Lois. Then you've got Robert. You

could justify Robert. If they chose Robert, nobody's fighting.

You could spin Robert.

Yeah.

They actually made a really good, uh, case for why Robert shouldn't be the, uh, provider, with him being single and also having a dangerous profession. Dude could like, like the kids could end up getting moved out again. If anyone's dying, it's him. Well said, well said.

So it, does that, does this confirm that after the, after Robert's entire apartment complex saw Amy lose her virginity, they broke up?

Nope. Because

that was ambiguous up to this point. No,

no, no, they mentioned Robert dating Amy, I forget if it was last episode or the episode before, but they mentioned Robert dating Amy. Oh yeah, you're right. No, but like, There's a difference between dating someone and being married to someone. You're still technically legally single if you have a girlfriend. You need to be married in order Like that's And I think that's a legitimate thing. Common law? Common

Common

law. They're not living together yet. Get out of here. Come on. Um. Just don't disrespect common

law, okay?

I I will disrespect any law that exists. Bold stance.

Common or

otherwise.

Common, or the other one.

Or, or the other kind of law. Yeah, I'll, that doesn't matter. I'll, I'll disrespect you.

Just don't disrespect Common. The rapper.

Oh, Common, Common's a good guy. I would never disrespect Common.

Yeah. Um, I think, yeah. I think, uh, you bring up a good point, Alex. If anyone's gonna be murdered on the job, on a day to day basis, the person with the highest chance of being murdered is Robert. It's indeed Robert. Um. So that, that should knock him out as a top contender. But even still, don't they know any more, um, normal people? Does, you know, do they not have other relatives? What about Uncle Mel? Oh no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no. Not Uncle Mel! Bernie and Linda are better than Uncle Mel. Yeah, come on. Oh, you know who they should do? They should ship them off to Italy with, um, To Anserina? Anserina! That would be the, that's the best option. That's what they should have done.

Yeah. If only she had actually been related to them, because I think, Kurt, you can, you know common law better than I do. Is that not child trafficking? To ship them off. It's, it's a gray area. It's a gray area. That is a gray area, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I guess there's no perfect solution. Ideally, they wouldn't die at the same time. Ideally, you know, and I think this comes Ideally, they'd

wait for Robert and Amy to get married. I think they're the natural

next step. Before, before what? Killing themselves? Oh

yeah, before they, before they eat it. Yeah, exactly. Before they go belly up, you know.

Your choice of wait implies that they have some That they are planning to leave. Decision making.

Yeah, exactly.

Um, yeah, that's that I think as we see down the line in this series, obviously, yeah, there'll be safe leaving. Them with Robert and Amy. Isn't there an episode, um, in a little bit or at some point in the next several seasons where they talk about the possibility of Ray dying separately from Debra and then like her shacking up with Robert, am I making this up? Does that sound familiar to you guys?

It sounds familiar, but there's also in the last episode of the show, spoiler alert, Ray has a near death experience where he's in a coma for a while. So I don't know if it's like soon or if it's like at the end of the show.

I think I remember that because I think even seeing that, however many years ago, I was like, that is a weird conversation and belief to hold. Um, I thought Ray's reasoning for not for disqualifying Deborah's parents. So pointy metal sculptures and alcoholism that, I mean, Lois sounds like she would be fine. I mean, Warren, it sounds like is the drunk, although we do know that Lois has been cold to Debra her entire life. Touched on that on an earlier episode.

I can understand not wanting to move them to Connecticut, um, but again, I think they're the natural second choice after Frank and Marie. Or wait! Wait, hold on, Debra has a sister. It hasn't been announced yet, but she does have a sister. Why isn't that brought up? She hasn't, the character hasn't been written yet. Well, clearly

it was not established canonically yet.

Yeah, and they decided, they wrote this episode, and they didn't want to put in a line addressing the sister, so they put this episode before that episode. Because I think, if that episode is called The Sister, And that's the next episode that we're going to

watch.

Yes. Um, to go back to like the original, like the main issue, Marie and Frank, Yeah, her reasoning is that they're annoying. And I guess you could extrapolate, you know, look what they did to Ray and Robert. It really does seem like they're the best choice, no? Mm hmm. Like all things considered.

It does. There's no way around it. It absolutely does. Um, so I mean, hey, funny can see it for an episode, but I do think Marie overreacted, Robert overreacted, Frank underreacted, Robert took it hard, yeah, um, but with all that being said, they have a legitimate gripe, especially Frank and Marie, they, they can be, they, they have a reason to be a little bit upset, I think, not the extent they did, but a little bit, it's a little

dismissive on, on Ray and Deborah's part to just not even, Put them in the running or to literally put them in second place behind Bernie and Linda. Bernie Gruenfelder, the chubby jet ski salesman, which Robert says in a way I used to bring Weight into it. They

mentioned the jet ski thing again. Yeah

Oh, we haven't seen or heard from Bernie and Linda in quite some time. We've heard Linda has been around Uh, but Bernie has actually not appeared on the show since season one Timeline wise he appeared in the wedding The flashback to Ray and Deborah's wedding, but canonically, you know, following the timeline of the show, we've not seen Bernie since early season one.

I, I liked him a lot. I liked the, as much as it was petty, I did deeply like the whole, um, You're not real parents because you don't know what to do with the cocoa puff up the nose. Hilarious bit. Hilarious. Crunch and blow. Crunch and blow. Oh, oh my god. What a great line. I, I, I loved it.

Robert gave me the vibes in that scene of somebody who is You know, a reply guy, uh, like, you know, woman post something online and Roberts in the comments, like, Oh yeah, well, how would you get a cocoa puff out of their nose? And, Oh, I don't think so. Hmm. Not quite like, I don't know that. I know he was hurt, but don't take it out on Bernie and Linda. They don't even know what the fuck is going on.

Right.

So if, if we were, and they said

no anyway. Yeah. Which is hilarious. That was

hilarious. I thought that was really funny. Um, the reason being they don't wanna deal with the barones. Uh, I thought pretty funny. Yeah. They also don't want. You know, perfect to raise the kids around Marie and Frank. Um, the long, awkward silence before they hurriedly get up and leave. Um, I appreciate the show, like taking, like, what was that? Like 30 seconds, like a real long silence with physical touches, but not like, you know. Very, like, grounded humor in that.

I, this was a funny episode through and through. I really did enjoy it. Um, physically, you're absolutely right. But I, I thought the lines in this show were, this episode were really, really strong. Um, oh, I had one and it just jumped right out of my head. I'm sorry.

While you're thinking of that, I noticed in the cold open, Wishbone Italian dressing on the table.

New, uh, new sponsor?

New, well, no, it was the label was turned away from the camera, but I would recognize that bottle anyway. That was a real blast from the past for me. Oh, Adam. You guys, by, How are you doing on recalling what you were gonna say? Because I can talk more about salad dressing if you Don't

talk more about salad dressing. Please, Mike, remember. Oh, the, the line when they're leaving after that very awkward moment. First of all, the one of the most awkward, like silent moments that has happened on Everybody Loves Raymond in a while when after the denial and it's just a solid 30 seconds of nothing. And then they get up to leave and then Frank comes in just like, Hey, congrats. You won the kids. I don't know that just that highlighting. It was just great timing.

I liked Frank a lot in this episode. It clearly not really giving a shit about where his grandchildren are going to go. Um, I just thought that was very like a nice way to play Frank's character, especially after a couple of recent episodes where you've seen him be like an asshole. Now he's just like, dick. Yeah. You know, he just doesn't care. Yeah.

Well, that's kind of the way these things go. If Marie is upset about something, Frank is always doing the exact opposite. Uh, Frank is always apathetic until Marie doesn't care about something. And then Frank gives so much of a shit about it.

Yeah, um, yeah, I mean, what else can we talk about here? Not a ton happens, right? It's just the argument, which is

kind of nice. The

central conflict. It's a very focused episode. I love the

moment when Marie walks in and starts playing with the baby.

Marie just kind of appearing in the living room while they're talking to Robert. Um, I thought it was very funny. And then they both sort of like gasp like it's a jump scare.

The book parents, the comments on the book parenting. I thought it was very funny. That felt so

90s to me. Sitcom writers in the 90s thought dragging parenting books was the funniest thing. I feel like Friends did it. This show did it. Now

it's TikTok parents. TikTok parents,

am I right?

Yep. Yes.

What's All right. Well, go on Alex. Do your, you've got five minutes on TikTok parents, right?

Give me a tight, give me a tight thought.

Yeah.

So, get this right. Uh, parents, they'll go on TikTok just to get info about their kids, you know, get, uh, Your recommendations for what to do with their kids. They'll upload videos of their kids and then they'll get comments about their kids. Like, hey, your kid is, you know, do leaning to the left when he walks, which means you got to use the old crank and shift him up so he doesn't grow sideways like a bad tree. You know, they got to root him into the ground.

Come

on, Eileen. That's the, what? That's what happened.

Spotlight. I was with you. Up until the very end.

The very last two words, actually. Three words, I think. And then you

lost the room.

Um, alright.

I don't know how, I don't know why a crowd has been slowly gathering around us in the graveyard, but they left. You walked the room with that one. They all left. People are demanding their money back, which I don't know who they're trying to get money back from. We didn't charge them.

That's not a story, I was just reading the news, guys. Like, what's up? Like, you know.

Where'd you get that news, Alex? Oh,

TikTok.

Oh, I thought so.

Yeah.

Excellent.

Alright, um, if we have nothing else specific to shout out, let's just go to the barometer.

Yeah, oh, there's one else specific to shout out, which is Gary Grossman, who plays the lawyer. The lawyer. Oh, what a

terrible name.

Hey.

His last name is literally Grossman.

Give him a break. He hasn't worked in 14 years since he was in Earth Ring in 2010, which is a short. He played Davis. Cause he's

gross, man. Well said Alex.

Gary Grossman's character in this episode was never said, but his name was. You know it? You know it?

You told me earlier and I forgot.

David Atkins. Remember in the episode where he walked in and he said, Hello, I'm David Atkins. No, I be your estate lawyer. Um, or at the end when he was leaving and, uh, Ray said Okay, bye David. What was your last name again? Atkins, David Atkins, and he looked right down the barrel of the camera and he said, My name is David Atkins, Esquire.

Believe it or not, I don't remember that, Adam.

Because it didn't happen, so I don't know where this information came from. I don't know if Gary Grossman, 2010, You know, gets off the set of earth ring logs onto IMDB. He's like, Oh, I remember I did my own character backstory for the lawyer on my episode of everybody loves Raymond. And I had him named David Atkins and most people call him Dave, but he doesn't use Dave in the professional setting. And he was.

Yeah, I did notice that.

Did you pick that up?

Yeah, I got that, yeah.

He played Lacey in Mr. P's Dancing Sushi Bar. He played the Sheriff in Perversions of Science. He played Harold in Leprechaun 4 in space. And So quite, quite the career.

They put a leprechaun in

space. Well, they'd already done, you know, uh, Oh, which one was in the hood? The Leprechaun Series.

We're done. We're moving on. Alright. So with that in mind, let's go to our patented barometer. Uh, I'm stealing your lines unless you object, Adam. Uh, we're going to our patented barometer where we rate Ray on his performance as a husband. Uh, brother, son, et cetera.

I'm going to take a page out of your book and say, et cetera,

et cetera. No, no, no, that's not a character. No, you can't bail your way out of this one. You put us on the spot for too long. Give me one. Well,

what are you looking for? Are you looking for like a tough, but fair kind of dad? Are you looking for like I

want in your eyes specifically. In Adam Rudy's eyes, what is a 10 out of 10 sitcom father?

As I've said 78 times, Danny Tanner or Uncle Phil or Carl Winslow.

Fair enough, fair enough. Alright, in that case, we'll just go right to the barometer. You guys get the gist at this point. So Adam, where is Ray falling for you on the scale of 1 to 10 today?

I actually think Ray did a good job. He As a husband, Debra said you gotta get a will, he got him a will. He sat down with the lawyer, made the lawyer uncomfortable, but he got that will done. He apparently has signed up for, I don't know if this was his decision, but really a quite generous life insurance policy. Um, so, a lot of Ray's like, marital responsibilities kind of came into the, into view in this episode, and I thought they showed that.

Okay. Adam has Ray coming in as a six, Alex,

how about you? Uh, I'm kind of in a similar ballpark. I don't particularly think Ray was super impactful on this episode. I think this is more of a Debra focused episode, um, but I do think he supported her and her decisions throughout it. Um, Yeah, he does some, you know, shitty alcoholism jokes, and, uh, overall does not do the whole interviewing a person well for, uh, you know, uh, becoming a godparent. Uh, I think six is a little mean, but I agree he doesn't get a seven.

Okay, I'm gonna be the guy that gives him a seven. I think that Ray did fine. I didn't even process Adam's concerns about the alcoholic jokes. I thought he was just shitting on Warren. I like when characters make fun of Warren. I do not like that character. So in my mind, that was A OK.

Wow. Wow. That sounds Pretty right to me, actually. Okay. Yeah. I think we can get that down. Let me just, I'm going to lean against this headstone and sort of like, I got my notebook here and, you know, obviously it's got, you can see it's got like, you know, pentagrams and crows drawn on it. I'm kind of going through it a little bit after we saw, um, you know, 10 people die right in front of us today and, you know, we lost two other people in our lives and.

walking. Let's start walking.

Okay.

Um, yeah. I guess the only thing that's left, uh, is to talk about the Baroness Zonis. If you guys like hearing from the Baron boys and want to hear more. We have a link in the description for you to sign up, uh, about your, uh, you know, pay one time, what you want, your personal donation, uh, and you get lifetime access to all extra Barone Boys content. One extra episode a month, uh, and as well as, you know, you get access to all the ones that we did before that.

Mike, Mike, what are you, what are you doing? Why do you, you're acting like you suddenly care about the, the Baroness Zonis and the structure and flow of the show. If

I gotta, if I gotta be honest here, I bet all my money on Fuller House. eating it before the bing boys did and now i need to pay my bookie and i'm not able to do that without you

were in a dead pool

i was in a death pool yes that's a dead pod i was in a dead pod yeah

a death pod or a dead pod um well dead pod is uh Obviously about Jerry and the rest, um, you know, the dead rest in power. Jerry Garcia. Yes. King. We Stan, um,

Jerry Garcia is still alive.

Nope, he's been dead for about 30 years. Just to make sure. Died before we were born. Got it, got it, okay. Maybe not, maybe not, but he's been dead for a very long time. Um, you did also lose all of your money last week, so I know how hard it was for you to get any money back at all. back, and then immediately. Wait, wait, did you put any money on us? In the death pool?

Um, yes, I did. Because it was plus 400, so I had to, I had to throw it in there.

Did you bet on yourself?

Yeah, obviously.

What did you, what did you, what did you bet? Because it's

like, it's like when you bet against your favorite team to win, because that way, when you're, when the Mets lose inevitably, you say, huh, Mets lost. Well, at least I made some money. It's kind of like

that. And you've got your will in place. So you know where that money is going to be going. Absolutely. If you do win. If you win big and die.

You know it. It's going right back to me, baby.

You're going to be buried with your winnings from betting on yourself in the death pool.

It says in my will, all money will be transferred to the afterlife. So guess who is taking it with him? Ya boy.

You got the pharaoh deal.

I got the pharaoh deal.

By the way, I saw your sketches for your pyramid. That's not what it's supposed to look like. It's too, it's too long. It's long and short.

Yeah, I figure that's a good monument to me.

You, you being buried with money that you won by betting on your own death is pretty on brand. That's

perfect.

Are you allowed to if you bet on yourself in the death boy, you're allowed to kill yourself on the day?

There is a, uh, there is a Or do they have,

when it's your day, do they have, like, the guy from Guinness follow you around with the clipboard to make sure you're playing by the rules?

There is an insurance, uh, thing to it, but he, he, the Guinness guy pays attention, but I mean, honestly He's very primable, so it's not really, it's not really worth it. Well, I've

heard, I've heard that people who've done it before, they've been, like, using the Guinness guy to help them. Like, they'll smoke 500 cigarettes at once, or, you know, they'll try to, uh, why can I never think of any other world records but the cigarettes?

I don't know.

I don't know. I saw that one time. They'll grow really long fingernails, and that will kill them.

Yeah, exactly. Well, with that, There's only one last thing to do. That's our classic sign off. Everybody loves

Raymond, and we love you!