Welcome to southern California's best-kept gay amusement park secret, Bald Mountain. Please keep your hands, arms, legs, and other anatomical protrusions inside the ride at all times. Keep your safety harness tightly fastened, and please remember that severely unflattering flash photography is strictly forbidden. Lastly, please remember that when you signed that legal waiver upon entry to the park, you've released us of all liability in the event of your grisly and untimely death. Enjoy the ride...
Sep 12, 2023•38 min•Ep. 127
Hi Scott. Thanks so much for coming into the office today. Would you mind sitting down? Great. It's rather hot in here, don't you think, Scott? That shirt you're wearing looks awfully thick and warm. Wouldn't you be more comfortable if you took it off? Perfect. Now isn't that better, Scott? Come to think of it, we're a bit warm, too. Shall we all take our shirts off, Scott? Yes? Excellent. To get the #1 meal kit for eating well, head to https://www.GreenChef.com/60BALD and use code 60BALD to get...
Sep 05, 2023•45 min•Ep. 126
If you've been waiting with bated breath for Part 2 of the epically excellent interview with Australia's best export Courtney Act, you can finally breathe again. Here is part 2 of their fabulous conversation about the evolving definition of femininity, the marvels of meditation, and the exorbitant number of downsides of widespread child literacy. Start building your credit up. Open a Chime Checking account with at least a $200 qualifying direct deposit to get started. Head to: https://www.chime....
Aug 29, 2023•39 min•Ep. 125
Katya welcomes the ever-so-engaging Courtney Act to the pod for part 1 of a lengthy conversation about the beauty of braces, the positivity of pool-dancing, and the innate silliness of the gender binary. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://www.Betterhelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Get Factor and enjoy eating well without the hassle! Head to https://www.FactorMeals.com/BALD50 and use code BALD50 to get 50% off! Start shopping at...
Aug 22, 2023•42 min•Ep. 124
As you slowly open your eyes to face yet another day in this wild, godforsaken world of ours, please remember to take good care of the 7 disks of spinning energy that reside within your spine. Whether it's the Crown, Third Eye, Throat, Heart, Solar Plexus, Sacral, or Root, your chakra can help you stay open, aligned, and most importantly: #GRATEFUL. Yes, Deborah...this Bald & Beautiful message of peace, chai, and love even includes you. Start shopping at https://www.Rakuten.com or get the Rakute...
Aug 15, 2023•50 min•Ep. 123
You and a companion will enjoy an opulent round-trip coach flight to sunny Los Angeles, featuring spacious seating and a delectable in-flight dining experience from Spirit Airlines! Once you arrive in Tinseltown, you'll stay 3 nights and 4 days in a mildly haunted bungalow at the world-infamous Shateau Marmont, the slightly odorous sister hotel to the Chateau Marmont. Located in an industrial area bordering Van Nuys and North Hollywood, you'll awake every morning to water-stained popcorn ceiling...
Aug 08, 2023•43 min•Ep. 122
In this corner, wearing pink, weighing in at a stunning 62 lbs, the reigning BYOB World Featherweight Cosmetics Mogul Champion, the undefeated Skinny Legend, TRIXIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And in this corner, wearing faded Soviet Bloc vermilion, weighing in at a staggering 278 lbs, the EWWW Eastern Massachusetts Participant Trophy Winner, the "mostly" defeated 2009 Cillian Murphy Lookalike Contest 4th Runner-Up, the Slavic Siren, KATYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your credit’s a big deal. So build yours up...
Aug 01, 2023•43 min•Ep. 121
Dynamic microphones are constructed with small magnets that oscillate inside a metal coil attached to the diaphragm. When a sound wave causes the diaphragm of the microphone to vibrate, the relative motion of the magnet and coil creates an electrical signal by magnetic induction. From this magical, fantastical process, we arrive at the auditory eargasm that is The Bald and the Beautiful. Need we say more? We need not. Check out https://Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to l...
Jul 25, 2023•39 min•Ep. 120
Please consult your doctor before listening to this podcast. Common side effects of The Bald and the Beautiful include nausea, stomach pain, diarrhea, vomiting, superfluous third nipples, increased viewings of Ken Burns documentaries, compulsive tax preparation, and a deep yearning for golden showers. Remember: Higher quality ingredients mean a healthier and happier life for your kitty. So, head to https://Smalls.com/BALD and use promo code BALD at checkout for 50% off your first order PLUS free...
Jul 18, 2023•57 min•Ep. 119
The midnight hour is close at hand. A lonely ghoul looks out across the land. It's the typical scene with the usual suspects. Frightening creatures roaming around in search of sex. Tonight, it's a veritable smorgasbord of glorious smut. Don't delay, as it's time to prepare and place that bejeweled item directly in your butt. Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! This ep...
Jul 11, 2023•54 min•Ep. 118
While it's a scientifically-proven fact that humans require food, water, air, and shelter to survive, it is not yet widely known that straight men also require eggnog post-coitus in order to continue existing in this wild world of ours. So this summer, please don't bring a six-pack of beer to your neighbor's barbecue. Instead, tell him that you value his post-intercourse survival and bring him several cartons of refreshing, summery eggnog. His life may just depend upon it. Follow Trixie: @Trixie...
Jul 04, 2023•46 min•Ep. 117
One day, in a not-so-distant future hellscape utterly ravaged by water wars and interstate battles over depleted natural resources, there will come a time when a person's sexual preference is so low on the list of things to care about that we will all be queer. Start building your credit up. Open a Chime Checking account with at least a $200 qualifying direct deposit. To get started, head to https://Chime.com/BALD This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Find more balance, with BetterHelp! Visit...
Jun 27, 2023•48 min•Ep. 116
As part of Pride, we'd like to remind everyone about the 4 P's for bottoming: Practice, Preparation, Protect, and Pray: Practice on weeknights, at lunchtime, or even during your commute. Prepare by using an enormous amount of lube from that economy size bucket you purchased for the April 2020 orgy that never happened. Protect by always wearing a prophylactic, even if it's one that was thrown at you during a Pride parade. And lastly, pray to the pagan god of bottoming Assilopochtli, for they will...
Jun 20, 2023•50 min•Ep. 115
We are so excited for you to shop our Trixie and Katya Curated Collections on Etsy! Visit https://etsy.me/trixieandkatya to see all our favorite items! New to Etsy? Use code BALD10 for 10% off your first purchase. Maximum discount value of $50. Offer ends June 30, 2023. See terms at https://etsy.com/terms for more details. Valid only for US customers. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to t...
Jun 15, 2023•20 min•Ep. 114
It's that special time of the year, so unfurl your flag, secure your sex swing to a weight-bearing ceiling stud, and prepare your vocal cords to sing the absolute hell out of the body electric. It's Pride, bitches! From all of us here at the underground desert Bald bunker, we wish you and yours the hap-hap-happiest of Prides. To try America's #1 Meal Kit, go to https://GreenChef.com/BALD60 and use code BALD60 to get 60% off plus free shipping! Check Out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when...
Jun 13, 2023•53 min•Ep. 114
The kids are finally in bed, the dishes have been washed, the clothes have been folded, and the dog has been walked. It's finally time to pour yourself a nice glass of chilled sparkling rosé, open up TikTok, and settle into that comfy little nook on the sofa to be magically whisked away to a world of Costco fights, misbehaving Karens, and dash-cam car crashes. Enjoy yourself, girl. You've earned it. Angi has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your home proj...
Jun 06, 2023•52 min•Ep. 113
The sky is a fiery auburn red as the sun sets over a bustling Taco Bell on La Cienega Blvd. Harried Angelenos make the nightmarish commute home as offices close and street lights turn on. Through a decal clinging to a Taco Bell window advertising the return of the Mexican Pizza, we see three lonely souls sitting in a booth, silently munching upon tacos and burritos filled with beans, beef, and shattered dreams. It is a Springtime weekend in the city of angels, a town where the sight of a drag qu...
May 30, 2023•49 min•Ep. 112
We have the technology. We can make her better than she was. Better, stronger, faster. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend a...
May 23, 2023•51 min•Ep. 111
For a brief, shining moment in the early aughts, every romantic comedy had a female protagonist with an exceedingly gay best friend that existed to do exactly three things: 1) Help the protagonist make wild wardrobe choices 2) Critique shoddy makeup applications while simultaneously fat-shaming the protagonist 3) Be excessively grossed out by vaginas and constantly talk about penises. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://www.BetterHelp.com/BALD to get 10%...
May 16, 2023•49 min•Ep. 110
It's Drag Race All Stars Season 8 tea time! In preparation for the May 12th premiere, Trixie and Katya wax poetic about all the contestant's looks, chat about past seasons, and then prognosticate about everyone's chances for what is sure to be an absolutely amazing season. Sit down, make yourself a fancy-ass cocktail, and let's talk about All Stars Season 8! Collaborate with CANVA for Teams! Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to https://Canva.me/BALD This week – May ...
May 09, 2023•45 min•Ep. 109
It's that time of year, you horse & buggy-riding, butter-churning, hat-and-bonnet-wearing queens! Put away your Froschauer bible, take off your mutza, and ignore every rule you've ever learned from the Ordnung! It's Rumspringa time, bitches! A time to drink copious amounts of Mad Dog 20/20 Orange Jubilee, dance the night away to the devil's deep house beats, and ingest every recreational drug known to humankind! IT'S RUMSPRINGA!!!!!! Check out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re re...
May 02, 2023•44 min•Ep. 108
As darkness falls across the land, the midnight hour is close at hand. Creatures squirm and snore in bed, while something lurks that is certainly dead. As it stands in the doorway rotting in its shell, sporting facial hair that could only originate in hell. A grizzled ghoul has escaped from its tomb, lingering in their bedroom to seal their doom. It is Trixie Mattel who is cursed with the shine, but have no fear, this goatee'd phantom is fortunately benign. To get the #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well...
Apr 25, 2023•51 min•Ep. 107
As you might imagine, ridding your bottom of pesky hair follicles is not just a laborious task, but can also require extensive acrobatics and a bit of body contortion. We here at Bald, LLC recommend a multi-mirror system to achieve full visibility upon spreading your cheeks. Additionally, we also advocate for the use of a teammate if possible, because as with most things, the more hands involved in this process the better. Once you have achieved excellent sight-lines, apply a moisturizing gel or...
Apr 18, 2023•41 min•Ep. 106
When you're alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go to the Dock. When you've got that warm feeling and all the noise and the hurry seems to help, you can go to the Dock. Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city, linger on the sand where everyone is pretty. How can you lose? The lights are not brighter there so you can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares, and go to the Dock. Things will be great, there's no finer place, everything's waiting for you at the Doc...
Apr 11, 2023•1 hr•Ep. 105
Did you know that the average male lasts between 5 and 7 minutes when engaging in "fun-time" between the sheets? While this is more than acceptable for that post-Succession Sunday night quickie before the work-week starts, 5 to 7 minutes during a Saturday night carnal marathon of erotic delights is not just pitiful, it's fixable! All because of Trimix! With just three tiny injections of synergistic drugs directly into your little wiener schnitzel, your flaccid firehose will magically transform i...
Apr 04, 2023•56 min•Ep. 104
This episode of Bald is proudly brought to you by the National Bathroom Sex Toy Safety Council, reminding you to always follow the three W's before your wet 'n wild adventures: "Wash, Warm-Up, & WERK." As winter stretches its legs for one last sprint before Spring arrives, we'd like to remind our listeners to follow the most important rules of the Bathroom Dildo Doctrine: 1) Always test the suction of the dildo on your shower wall prior to use, in order to properly gauge the strength of the suct...
Mar 21, 2023•53 min•Ep. 103
From the windy city famous for its decadent Deep-Dish Pizza, dill pickle-laden Chicago Dogs, and the local spirit Malort (which can best be described as "What would happen if a pungent overripe fruit had a drunken threesome with a can of gasoline and a pile of herbs,") comes over eighty minutes of auricular ecstasy sure to satisfy even your biggest hunger pangs for both Chicago and the two fabulous drag divas who bravely and boldly sat in comfy chairs and spoke into microphones for a bit over an...
Mar 07, 2023•1 hr 25 min•Ep. 102
Open now in beautiful West Hollywood, CA, it's The Brians' Breakfast Shack! It's like the Love Shack, but with less sex and more superfluous orange blossom plate garnishes! The Brians' Breakfast Shack Menu includes all your favorite hearty, wholesome breakfast foods! Featuring items as varied as our Flying Firkus Pancake Platter to our Egg McCooken Sun-Dried-Chicken Legs Breakfast Sandwich to our world-famous Griddled Brian Toast™, which Oprah's Book Club referred to as, "A honey-cinnamon-tinged...
Feb 21, 2023•52 min•Ep. 101
On the brutal, kill-or-be-killed plains of the Serengeti, power is determined by sheer brute strength. It is measured by the breadth of one's chest, the size of one's claws, and the length of one's incisors. But in the stiflingly hot concrete jungle of Los Angeles, power is determined by the ability to sit down in very comfortable chairs, hold microphones, and talk about life's daily minutiae for approximately 45 to 60 minutes while glorious air conditioning washes over you like a cool salve for...
Feb 07, 2023•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 100
Next to the shimmering turquoise waters of the Côte d'Azur, on the picturesque beaches of Saint-Tropez, sits the Shack D'Amour: a delectable, debaucherous nightclub teeming with music-loving crustaceans, boys in bikinis, and girls on surfboards. Come for the baked potatoes and tanning butter, stay for the non-stop fruggin'. Check Out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! Get ...
Jan 24, 2023•56 min•Ep. 99
